Amenorrhea – Where do you look when your periods stop?

Amenorrhea is the absence of menstruation  

In 2014 I moved to London and my periods stopped.  

Within a couple of months the stress I had placed myself under to get a flat and job resulted in me eating very little and dropping from 50/55kg to 41.7kg.  

Prior to 2014, my periods came every month. I rarely had any symptoms in the week leading to my period, but when it came, it was nothing short of horrendous.  

If it came at night (which frequently it did), then I would have a mass exodus of everything and anything from my body leaving me sleeping on the bathroom floor in an exhausted heap because I was fed up of going from my bed to the bathroom every five seconds. If it wasn’t that, then I would get restless leg syndrome and my legs would constantly shake beyond my control or ability to stop it. Even when exhausted they would continue to shake.  

The cramping pain would be equally unbearable by day, living on painkillers for a week at the maximum dosage I was allowed, often having to take time off work.  

Moving to London was a huge step up for me and while I had lived away from home when I was 16 and was used to being away from family, now the sole responsibility of finding somewhere to live was on my shoulders. And yet, I wasn’t completely alone. In hindsight, I had tons of support but couldn’t see it and I had the belief that I had to do it all by myself.  

It wasn’t until my periods stopped that I realised how much I had shut myself off from acknowledging and claiming that I was actually a woman. I know – the oddity of this statement has not been lost on me. 

Once the periods stopped I had the space to see and feel what my relationship with myself truly was. I had a long-lasting momentum of constantly ignoring my body, where any messages would get smothered with gaming, my food choices, self-criticism or negative thoughts. It was through the support of the Universal Medicine modalities that I started to heal and see how my choices were impacting on my body and any future choices. 

I continued to live in a victim mode and acted like a small child for some time further because at the time it seemed convenient to absolve myself of any responsibility for the state my choices got me to, but things started to turn around with the combined help of Universal Medicine modalities, practitioners of esoteric healing modalities and conventional medicine.  

With the Esoteric practitioners, I worked through my hurts, expectations and beliefs. I joined a sacred movement class and during this time I got to see how my behaviour of throwing a tantrum as a kid and getting attention was still being played out in my 20’s. Eventually, I learnt that such behaviour only drained my energy and since it wasn’t getting the desired response, it started to fall away.  

My journey of rebuilding my relationship with myself started with the Gentle Breath Mediation once a day. Esoteric Yoga I later found to be a huge support in rebuilding a connection with my body and the essence within it. I began to see that at my core I wasn’t something to be ignored but actually very beautiful and worth taking care of. I laid a foundation to build a relationship with my body whereby I trusted and followed more how my body was needing me to live than what was coming through my head.  

Of conventional medicine, I had all the appropriate tests and scans and it all boiled it down to I had to gain more weight. At one point I tried to force the weight gain but it wouldn’t work, so I gave up. Within a space of about a year my weight stabilised at around 52-55 but still no period.  

Over the course of these four years, conventional medicine would suggest the pill to give me a fake period. I didn’t want to take the pill and carry on as usual as somewhere deep down I had a sense that the root of the matter wasn’t going to be healed if I did do this. Eventually, I would take the pill for one or two courses then drop it. Months passed then I’d pick it up and drop it again. However, towards the end I found that this resistance to taking the pill built up more hardness towards myself. In the end I went back to the pill when I felt it was supportive to prevent bone density degradation.  

When I did have a bleed from these induced periods the way I experienced them during my teenage/early 20s came flooding back in, waiting for me to address it. I found that while wearing pads, my pelvic floor and groin muscles would be super tight, and having become more aware and taken greater care of my body this behaviour felt very painful. Over time I learned to relax my muscles and not tense up and clench in fear of something bad happening. I found this to be a supportive aspect of the pill as it did get me to look at how I was with myself during my period.  

Over time and as my relationship with my body strengthened, the scared little girl persona dropped away. The weight returned naturally, I felt more steady in myself and found that the best place to be is not in my head (mind) but in the stillness of my body which without fail every time made sense and a massive difference. 

Between January and April 2018, I wanted to change jobs but couldn’t due to certain circumstances. In reaction, I started to eat more (working in a restaurant made this extra, super easy to do) and went up to 65k. Now I was well over the recommended weight from the doctor but felt this was not a true weight for me either. What did happen though was my natural cycle restarted.  

Since my periods came back I have had to relearn how to be with the process. It is still syncing itself as in, it is still taking time to regain a steady set number of days, but the way I am with it now has changed.  

Before the pause in periods, I would get no pre-menstrual symptoms. The week before my first returned period it felt like my breasts were constantly on fire and I actually thought I was becoming mentally unstable because I was so reactive. It was only once my first returned period came did I realise that I wasn’t going mad but it was pre-menstrual tension. I know now that these before symptoms are a message to be listened to and since I’ve been looking at that and as a result of observing how I live between the periods, each week before my period the tension has lessened in intensity, I no longer feel like I want to bite someone’s head off! Likewise, when my period has come, I have not had such extreme symptoms like I used to have. I have not experienced restless legs nor do I live on painkillers anymore.  

I now marvel at how supportive and responsive my body is back with me, either starting my period in the night, or just after work or on my day off, giving me the first day/hours a chance to rest. I also love how the flow works as well, very light in the evenings and moderate during the day and consistent throughout and over the months.   

These days I take far more care of myself while I am on my period than I did ever before and I know that how I am living will be all brought back to me in the periods to come. I have this in my consideration whereas before I did not. I never had any connection between how I was living and the symptoms I was experiencing. 

Knowing what I have learnt through this experience I consider having had Amenorrhea a blessing as it has allowed me to stop what I was doing and go deeper into the relationship I have with myself which ultimately then effects the relationship I have with life and everything and everyone else around me. There is far more to learn and this time I approach it more openly and want to enjoy getting to know and care for myself deeper as this then equally extends outwardly.  

By Leigh, UK

For further inspiration…

Periods and joy in the same sentence? Totally possible.. Shevon shares her experience.

A woman’s cycle is an opportunity each and every month.. what are the different phases of our menstrual cycle and what are they showing us? Check out this three-minute video.

The True Purpose of Periods

What is the true purpose of periods? Many of us have reduced our idea of periods to mere function, a messy inconvenience whose only useful purpose is to reassure us that we are not pregnant, but there is so much more to our monthly menstrual cycle, which we are ignoring to the great detriment of all of us.

I recently read an article (1) by a physician on the benefits of taking the oral contraceptive pill continuously, rather than allowing for a monthly bleed, as has been done in the past.

Continue reading “The True Purpose of Periods”

Premenstrual Syndrome – Prozac or making new Choices?

Many a conversation amongst women has been about Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS). PMS is fairly common although exact statistics are hard to find as some symptoms of PMS are unreported. Women’s Health Concern (1) state that “One in three women suffers discomforting symptoms in the days before their period. For one in 20 the symptoms are bad enough to more seriously affect their lives.” Premenstrual Syndrome can have various symptoms (2) including irritability, tiredness, depression, mood swings, night sweats, bloating, anxiety, breast pain.

Continue reading “Premenstrual Syndrome – Prozac or making new Choices?”

My Journey with my Periods – Discovering Cycles 

It has been nearly 7 years since my first period at the age of 13 and since then I have been on an amazing journey in my relationship with myself as a woman. During those years there were many changes taking place – it is generally known and accepted that puberty is a big time for teenagers as their physical body and hormones shift, but with the support of Esoteric Women’s Health and Universal Medicine practitioners, this time has been far more than a biological change for me – it has been an amazing journey where I have blossomed from a girl into a woman. Continue reading “My Journey with my Periods – Discovering Cycles “

Me and my Menstrual Cycle: Connecting to my Body and Myself as a Woman

I am a 43 year-young woman and for most of my life I have had no relationship with my menstrual cycle. At some point, I found out that there was such a thing as ‘menstruation’ and at the age of 14, wearing white pants on that particular day (how convenient…), it started for me in the toilet at school. I had my first menstruation and I had no idea what to do. I felt awkward and embarrassed, especially because it was on a day that my father picked me up and suggested we go for a long walk with the dogs. That was the longest walk of my life. I asked my two older sisters for support and I was introduced into the world of sanitary pads. And having my monthly period.

And so my life continued…

At the age of 16 I had my first boyfriend and my mother suggested taking the pill. Not because I had difficulties with my period, but for birth control. After that, for many years to follow, and having several relationships, I took the pill, had my monthly ‘fake’ menstruation, put in a tampon (so much more convenient than those big sanitary towel ‘mattresses’), and I lived my life; A life without any connection to my cycle, my body, my uterus, my ovaries, my breasts, my menstruation, my ovulation – in other words, to the fact that I was a woman, with a menstrual cycle.

I never took a moment to ask myself what it actually means to be a woman, let alone what it means to live as a woman.

Continue reading “Me and my Menstrual Cycle: Connecting to my Body and Myself as a Woman”

Dysmenorrhoea (Painful periods) and the Joy of Coming back to Me

Dysmenorrhoea is a medical term used in association with periods to describe frontal low pelvic pain.

Soon after my first period started I began to get severe pain most, if not every month. Usually within 3 to 4 hours of starting I would be on the floor with sickness and diarrhoea from the contractions in my womb. It would only last a few hours but the intensity was crazy.

I would make noises like a woman having a baby; I would scream, shout, swear and I would roll about the floor like a possessed (mad) woman. I could quickly go from feeling boiling hot and sweating to freezing cold and hugging a hot water bottle – this between hugging the toilet and hugging a sick bowl. Continue reading “Dysmenorrhoea (Painful periods) and the Joy of Coming back to Me”

The Awesome Foursome present in Melbourne

by Bianca Barban, Melbourne, Australia

At an Esoteric Women’s Group presentation earlier this month, the women of Melbourne were graced by a presentation on Women’s Health given by Sara Harris, Serryn O’Regan, Nina Stabey and Mary-Louise Myers. Each spoke with a strength and wisdom that was both very inspiring and deeply supportive, offering a reflection on how to take honouring ourselves to a deeper level. Continue reading “The Awesome Foursome present in Melbourne”

Body Talk – I Love the Way my Ovaries, Absent Periods and Fingers all Speak to Me!

by Priscila Azeredo de Souza, 35yrs, London, UK

I never paid much attention or given much importance to my little finger (or any of my fingers), not until something affected them would I notice.

Have you ever had a finger cut from a sheet of paper? Yes, a sheet of paper! I didn’t know how sharp a sheet of paper could be until I cut myself with one by accident… or should I say by perhaps being distracted with multi-tasking?! And then you have to use your hands for cooking, writing, dressing yourself, having a shower etc. and realise how it affects your activities and how much you miss your little finger (and it hurts too!). Until that moment I had no idea I had a little finger! And more so, that a finger could actually ‘speak’!!!! How our body talks to us is amazing. Continue reading “Body Talk – I Love the Way my Ovaries, Absent Periods and Fingers all Speak to Me!”

Men, Periods and the Our Cycles Period App

by Lee Green, Business Owner, Perth

Until recently there has been a game played the world over that men and periods are two very separate things. Until recently I subscribed to the same belief – men and periods did not exist. Periods were a women’s subject.

In my life as a man I had always seen one long pathway that never had a stop sign on it. I was always trudging through life with no vitality, no love of me or the life I was living. Along the way I found things to use and numb me from this drudgery, but for all the immediate relief there was still the heaviness rooting me almost to the spot.

WOMEN AND PERIODS… WHERE IS THE REST FOR MEN? Continue reading “Men, Periods and the Our Cycles Period App”

My Teenage Years – Discovering What are Periods Really About

Anonymous, UK

I want to share an aspect of the journey I have been on with my periods and my relationship with them. There are many chapters to the story of where I now stand as a woman and I will cover those in later blogs.

I have had my periods for a few years now, so not very long. In the years before getting my first period I felt an enormous pressure to have a period. I remember most of the pressure wasn’t spoken and it mainly came from myself, but there was one girl who openly told me that at the age of 12/13 not having my periods was weird, and that there was something wrong with me.

Looking back I know without a doubt that this was utter rubbish. I remember very well the difficulty of going through puberty in high school/middle school, and that it was at this time that most girls’ body issues began. Continue reading “My Teenage Years – Discovering What are Periods Really About”