by Kate Greenaway, BaAppSc (Physiotherapy), Goonellabah, Australia
The other week I had one of those Stop and Take Notice moments. I was walking around the local swimming pool to the women’s showers in my wet bathers, after having a lovely time in the pool. I was a bit cold and one of the males on staff was walking towards me. I had spoken to this man before and I knew him to be sensitive, sweet and completely harmless. I could feel he was going to look at me as we passed and all of a sudden I was feeling extremely vulnerable – my body went into an old pattern of pulling my shoulders inwards and caving my chest in – like I did when I was a teenager at the beach in my swimmers walking past men who stared at my breasts. You see, even though I have a petite frame, I had really large breasts as a teenager and I used to get awful, sexual comments from boys my age, AND older men. Being a curvaceous young woman was agony for me so I used to hide my body in large shirts. I thought I had moved through this and healed those self -conscious years, so I was shocked to feel this in my body now – in my late 40’s and feeling mostly content with my body.
As I walked towards this man I could feel how important it was to stay open to him, meet his eyes and be as open as I could be. It took a lot, but I did this and we smiled and it was an innocent moment of two people meeting each other; he was as sweet and harmless as he had been every other time. At that moment I knew that if I had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… and who knows how he would have felt about himself.
As I felt more into this moment I knew it was clearly a choice to shut down or stay open to a) what I was feeling, and to b) that man just doing his job.
I learnt so much from that moment.
I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body. I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man. This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them. This felt pretty ugly, but it gave me a greater awareness and understanding about the unnecessary complexities we can bring to our relationships.
The next week I had almost the same situation – after a swim in the local pool – this time walking past a younger man, who was also on staff. As I passed him I had no shrinking in my body and it was far easier to meet his eyes and smile openly – I felt quite solid and it felt like I could have been walking past anyone fully clothed. I had a greater appreciation of myself in that moment, and in my growing strength to choose to stay open to others, no matter what the situation. A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. It was this wisdom and my choices that supported me in those moments and allowed me to feel in my body how true her words were.
Women in Livingness Blog 
This reminds me that we are feeling ALL the time. Sometimes I harden myself trying to shut down a feeling, when in fact, I’m actually feeling the hardness whilst in the illusion that I’m not feeling. I can’t avoid feeling, but with that choice of hardening I separate myself from others and me and this is very hurting. Coming back to my vulnerability is sometimes far more uncomfortable and confronting, but it feels more real, honest, close and when I allow it, this feels very humbling and healing. Indeed when I let my body to be melt in its vulnerability, I’m actually embracing myself in full.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is an alignment to soul, hardening up and pretending that we’re ok is an alignment away from soul. In any given moment we’re all either aligning to soul or we’re not and it is for us to break everything down into one of these two categories and to basically end up choosing to align to soul constantly.
For me vulnerability and truth go hand in hand and just this morning I got to feel that when I allowed myself to stay with the feeling of vulnerability that came up in my body it revealed something that felt very precious, a little bit like a jewel that had been buried for eons and in I can still feel it now many hours later.
I have come to absolutely love the feeling of being vulnerable, it’s so tender, so real and so raw. I can also feel the potential expansion that exists in moments of vulnerability even though I am also aware that there is still a part of me that wants to resist surrendering fully to what’s being offered.
When we honour our vulnerability there is nothing to hide.
I’m reading this after having my own vulnerable moment this morning. Clocking it and allowing it to be there, allowing myself to feel it and let whats underneath it come to the surface has helped clear a buried hurt that would otherwise dictate my choices in the background without my awareness.
The blame culture towards women in regards to sexual comments been thrown at us is strong, so strong that many women cave into it and actually believe that they are the reason for their sexual abuse. Whenever I see a man coming towards me with impure intent, I often think it’s my fault. Was I giving him any signals that he is okay to do that, was i calling it in in any shape or form, or did I move in a way which asked for him to do it. But whether that is true or not, does it excuse vile acts forced upon women? Does it excuse the bottom grabbing, the looks up and down & sexual comments? Is it okay for men to have sexual fantasies about their co-workers, friends & strangers on the street? We have fallen so far away from responsibility that decency & respect are not even on our radar.
Who are we when we shy away?
Standing out, shining, claiming our natural beauty is hard for many yet a blessing for all when we do.
It’s great to be aware of the physical changes that happen in our bodies and be honest about when and why we shut down.
A hallmark of the spirit is it’s speed to mindlessly react. Letting ourselves feel life and observe allows the soul to guide our next move.
I just love how our bodies tell us exactly what is going on within us. If we listen to the body everything changes.
Kate I have to say I often think of this blog when walking around the swimming pool, its super obvious now when I contract – staying with the loveliness we are has got to be the only true way forward.
How sad that we have a society where anyone would be afraid of another or feel the need to contract.
“I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man” – so true Kate, through each other we see and learn so much about our own selves. Without others, we simply would not evolve.
The words ‘stay open’ when lived in day to day life, are a powerful support to maximise our opportunities to learn – about ourselves and everything that goes on around us.
we are so much in control of how open we are with others, and the more we are ourselves, the more others are themselves. So it is actually a responsibility for us to not hold back how we truly feel.
When we allow ourselves to feel our hurts without condemnation and judgment there is a possibility of alchemy and more understanding where we do not have to stay trapped in reactions forever more.
Feeling through my hurts has supported me to become much more open, transparent and at ease in my relationships. I actually want to learn and grow rather than micro control everything so long carried hurts do not get exposed.
It certainly is a vulnerable moment to have your body ‘on show’ knowing full well what men are exposed to with images of how women are portrayed. The fact that women give their power away to these thoughts maybe have something to do with allowing it to be. As Kate as proved, and there is much to appreciate here, the power is in feeling the vulnerability.
My vulnerability highlights where there is more to read and feel into life. Because often if I feel how to be in the moment I open up, if I react, close down and think about being somewhere else or focused on a perceived mental image of what the other could/might/will do then I am not feeling anything that is truly going on in that moment. I do not relate to others clearly.
Being vulnerable allows and enables one to be truthful and honest.
I love this blog and returning to it as it made quite a impact on me to remember and i am really embracing the beauty within on allowing myself to feel and accept my vulnerability and be more open and responsive to others and the feeling of warmth this allows in my body.
Vulnerability equals access. When someone is vulnerable then it means that the walls are down and we have access to their precious selves. It really is a very divine state and one that needs to be honoured by all.
The body is a great reflection in how we are and when we contract and shutdown or express all of who we are its just weather or not we are connected to what the body is showing us or not and how we are feeling. I never used to think or feel I had my shoulders rolled over but once I started to connect to my inner being and feel the Love in my chest I have seen and felt my chest expand and my shoulders roll back. When we are vulnerable our instinct reaction tells us to protect but saying no to this and remaining open is exactly how we can heal such patterns.
I notice how much more open and willing I am to be vulnerable and willing to connect with people since I started to heal old hurts and learn to be more myself. The more open and deeply connected I am to myself, the more open am with others.
When we let go of the protection we realise that we do in fact love deeply and it does not matter what the person or people present as an outer layer, you know without a doubt none of that matters and you know who they are in truth.
So true Julie, I notice letting go of protection has played a huge part in my relationships with people. It is incredible how this works when we know who we are we are much more open to meeting people for who they are too.
Super simple and powerfully confirming of the quality we all are made of… love.
Its funny that most of us in society have a problem with being seen in our loveliness, its a fact we hide away in many differing guises in order not to shine.
This world desperately needs people who are not afraid to shine
Divinity is our origins and to choose not to shine is denial of the love we all naturally are.
So true Sam, and we have to get used to shining because this is why we are here, to shine to the world who we are in our full divine and beauty-full essence.
The interesting thing is that shrinking away from attention is asking to be objectified as you are not there in full to meet the other.
A real experience of learning to honour and appreciate ourselves in every day situations that is so important in life to reflect to others who we are in our openness and truth for all to see.
It is always important to appreciate ourselves, ‘I had a greater appreciation of myself in that moment, and in my growing strength to choose to stay open to others, no matter what the situation.’
Let ourselves feel the hurt in that moment, and it passes, and offers a gift of a further growth for us as I let go another hurt … that is so supportive to read today.
It can feel horrible to feel the hurt but then I asked myself after reading this blog: How caring of and to myself is it to shy away from the hurt and go into reactions that only further hurt myself and others? It’s far more loving to feel the hurt and let it pass.
How easy is it to close off from people, to shut down our guard and live in protection. But how freeing, how amazing would it be to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to be sensitive. Not sensitive in the dramatic, constantly crying kind of way, but sensitive in acknowledging what we are feeling, sensitive to what is being communicated to us on a subtle level from those around us. This would make life so much more worth living!
“This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them.” This really inspires me to look at my crap, because how many times does what’s going on with me make other people think there’s something wrong with them. Every time I feel insecure or hold back – how many times are people interpreting that as it being their problem rather than mine? It’s interesting to really deeply consider just how much everything we do is either confirming to someone how amazing they are or the opposite.
I can remember so many of those ‘vulnerable moments’ as a young girl growing up and looking back I can feel how each time I would shrink a little further into myself. And of course, as I did I was simply hiding myself from all those around me just in case there was another one of those moments. Coming to understand that ‘if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes’ felt so liberating, allowing me to begin to blossom again as I reclaimed the beautiful young woman I was.
Real beauty is all about sharing who we really are – not hiding not contracting but instead allowing our light to shine. Being open and transparent with others is super super attractive.
It is great to be reminded of how every choice we make impacts on another. My choice to protect or close of can truly hurt an other in it’s rejection and os we make the world go round from one hurt to the next protection and so on. What you share Kate is how we can brake this chain by letting go of our hurts and being willing to be open and vulnerable with everyone we meet.
It’s so true Carolien, we’re all walking around constantly reacting to each other’s reactions and then passing our reactions onto others. It’s an ingrained horrible chain of events and one that happening all of the time to pretty much all of us. There’s no traceable starting point and no perceivable end point either, it just keeps feeding off itself and multiplying.
The more we are willing to surrender in a vulnerable moment the more we are offered to heal. Although it feels so raw at the time that power to allow this to be is what brings through true unfoldment from within.
This is a great example of how we do not keep our focus on ourselves, but on what and how other people are feeling. We are scared of being judged more than we are willing to stay present with ourselves. if we are present there is no room for doubt of any kind.
This has made me ponder on how many men must get met with a shut off woman who is in some way blaming him for the harm caused by other men that he had nothing to do with.
I am understanding this too, Elizabeth… it is in staying open and vulnerable that we learn and deepen and, whilst I still carry the patterns of protection and withdrawal, it is less and less so and my choice to stay open is stronger and stronger.
Thank you, Kate. Not shrinking away from ourselves in interactions with others has some very remarkable and inspiring effects.
No wonder we have so many issues with relationships when even the shortest interaction can be laced with multiple past encounters. I often think of this blog when I walk past people in the street and there is a reluctance from the other person to have eye contact. I remain open and have many lovely confirming encounters as I go about my day but am aware that there are always deeper levels to expose of where I am less comfortable showing my vulnerability. Thanks for the inspiration Kate and the opportunity to reflect a different way to be.
It is so true that when we shut down the other person feels it which highlights how freeing staying open is not just for us but everyone we meet.
We can learn so much in a moment if we remain open and stay feeling, as you did in this situation Kate, ‘As I felt more into this moment I knew it was clearly a choice to shut down or stay open to a) what I was feeling, and to b) that man just doing his job’.
What a beautiful understanding and reflection in what you share in this blog, ‘I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body.’
I can relate to this, I was always so ashamed of my body that I would always hide my body. I realised this recent Summer as I walked around the pool with swimmers on when we had people there and I wasn’t hiding my body- how things had changed dramatically for me. It wasn’t through trying, it was just that I had more ease with myself and am not hiding myself as much anymore.
I often think of your blog Kate when I start to feel myself shrinking in front of others, it reminds me Kate that there is really no reason to make ourselves less.
Seeing another not shrink is super inspiring -Shine and the world shines with us.
I know this shrinking feeling so well, thank you Kate for sharing your experiences here. How healing it is, just to stay with what we can feel, no matter how uncomfortable: it passes, and we get to learn, grow and deepen our relationships – with ourselves and all others.
It is very beautiful to read about the strength and transformative quality of vulnerability, thank you, Kate.
” I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person” Could it be that one of the reasons society is how it is without true connection and lacking in real caring and intimacy between one and other is because we don’t deal with those unresolved issues that just keep niggling away.
We can choose to shrink at any time away from anything. Learning how to stand tall and strong in life is something we can work with by using the awareness of our body. We need not be constrained or overpowered by any situation in life. If we stay connected and open in our body there is no need to shrink, and then everyone benefits.
I was at an appointment recently where I felt vulnerable. I allowed myself to feel it and I also expressed how I was feeling to the other person. I could have hardened myself or discounted how I was feeling but in allowing myself t feel it and express it I could feel the openness and connection this held between us.
Beautiful to acknowledge how sensitive you are, and to trust yourself enough to remain open, when we clam up no one stands a chance to feel the openness and grace that can be felt from another.
This vulnerability is often what others crave to allow in their body but can feel the tensions and lack of acceptance that goes with the world of the pictures sold to us on being weak or not coping with life or a situation.
Yes Natalliya we can get reaction from others when we express and share our vulnerability yet through allowing ourselves to feel the vulnerability and fragility in the moment we heal. I cannot live any other way these days and if I expose another feeling uncomfortable with my choice to heal then I hold myself and offer space (a learning in progress) for them to feel.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes…”- This is such a powerful statement in that it shows how when we stay open to feeling what is really going on for us, we can then allow ourselves to let it go in a way with a knowing that that hurt and the subsequent closing down of our body is not our true way, and that our real essence that is open and loving will always naturally prevail when we feel what is there to be felt.
I have struggled in the past being in my swimmers and feeling shame at my body – what is with that?! How cruel is that to myself, I would never say that about anyone else. I can quite see how there is a ‘shrinking’ around others and yet it never occurred to me they might take it personally as a rejection but why not? It is true that I would recoil from them and being seen. If someone did that around me I might well feel the same…. really, you have given me much to ponder on Kate!
When we let go, and allow ourselves be seen, other people are always drawn to us, they feel in us something that resonants deep inside them.
The more vulnerable we are – allowing for that innocence and openness the more we show our divinity – this is the familiarity – every single person does know deep down somewhere inside them that they are from this divinity too.
I am coming to love those “Stop and Take Notice moments”, as I know that the lessons that they are offering are priceless. And what a priceless lesson this was for you Kate and sharing it with us is offering us the opportunity to feel into how we would have felt if we had been in the same situation and to allow ourselves to truly feel our own vulnerability.
It tends to be our default pattern to shut down and lock ourselves away when we feel vulnerable or indeed, when we feel aggression or negative reaction coming at us. It is something I’m still working on – because ultimately it is not the person’s reaction that hurts me but my choice to shut my body down. It is my choice to constrict my particles, to see everything under tight lock and key… and this is not how our bodies are designed to be.
To let ourselves feel vulnerable we have to drop the hardness, that exterior shell we use for protection and in that vulnerability, we really get to feel our truth, our hurts and our learning and from then on can expand and grow.
A vulnerable moment is a valuable moment.
Very true. I allowed myself to feel how anxiousness I was when seeing a close friend play video games on his phone while we are together, I allowed myself to honestly feel this, and when feeling this vulnerability I no longer felt fidgety and he also soon stopped playing. I talked about this with him after and he realized my anxiousness and he said he feels a bit bored about the game now.
I love what you expose here Kate, so many of us women are willing and wanting to go un noticed, to just exist, yet we ask our hearts what we truly want we know we were all born to be seen, and born to be adored.
I read recently that only about 6% of women feel confident wearing a bathing suit and walking to get into a pool. This is a sad indictment of society today which doesn’t support women to show their vulnerability or to feel beautiful whatever their weight and outer so-called beauty etc. Women who love themselves show an innner confidence and beauty and can allow themselves to feel vulnerable.
I felt vulnerable yesterday but instead of protecting myself and getting stressed, I allowed myself to feel it in full and stay open, I didn’t let it take over just acknowledged it for what it was. What was amazing was I felt my strength and steadiness as well that stayed with me throughout. I expressed how I was feeling. Because I allowed my vulnerability to be there and stayed open the day flowed beautifully and was not the stress I could have made it to be.
This is pure gold Ariana and great to have repeated over and over so that we can remind ourselves day in day out, to cherish this gift of understanding and allow ourselves to feet the hurts instead of expending so much energy on NOT wanting to feel them and wishing they would just vanish into thin air and be gone forever more.
I loved reading your example of your vulnerable moment Kate. I can think of many times when I was younger when I held back, rolled my shoulders and shut myself off. This led to hardness and protection in my body, something I am working on now, so great to have the awareness of those old patterns and let them go FOREVER!
What an amazing moment to appreciate. Every challenge or reaction is another opportunity to go deeper back to the truth that which is we are love. How would love be then?
Being open with others has depths that I have yet to explore, more to learn and surrender to. Any hiding, hardness or reluctance to shine bright is not it. The process feels like the most delicate flower opening its petals, so strong in its purpose.
‘I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body.’ Is it possible that allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable actually opens us up to deeper levels of awareness. The innocence and vulnerability we know as a child might not be a weakness at all, but an opening to greater wisdom and understanding.
Thank you Kate, such a great reminder of our responsibility, and how important its is to stay with our vulnerability, innocence and natural way of being.
Interesting to reflect on the impact we have on each other from a ‘simple glance’ – or absence of one. Energetic awareness opens up all kinds of realisations and opportunities to evolve further.
Yes it does, and is humbling at the same time as a great opportunity. Awareness is nothing to be afraid of, it is something to embrace because the opportunities it brings for deeper relationships is something to be celebrated.
Thanks Kate for sharing and it reminds me how being vulnerable is actually super endearing. There are so many moments or experiences where I feel this yet I have pushed it down and dismissed it so to embrace this as part of who I am and love this side of me is one that is starting to feel very special.
Kate i used to experience something similar with hugs, hugging people.. as in i noted how i would automatically cave in my chest area to not allow it to touch the other person’s chest. I would essentially keep them out, at a distance. Men and also women too. Over time, the more at ease i felt within myself, got to know who i was, my body responded to such softening .. to make my hugs soft too allowing the person who hugged me, or i them into me and into my nurturing warm space as a woman. So beautiful to no longer have any ‘dynamic’ going on and to hold a person in a free space.
You can really feel the power in our movements. A shrink of the shoulders can be crushing for another even if it is done with a smile. A hug can be damaging if one is met with a shield – it might look like a hug but it can be far from embracing.
This is the best reminder Kate that it doesn’t hurt nor is it embarrassing if we choose to be vulnerable. When we allow ourselves to feel where we are at and not to try and put on a show otherwise then we are being real and this is such a beautiful place to be.
In a situation like this it would be so easy to harden or shrink or contract. It’s worth developing our awareness to the point where we can catch these moments and therefore lessen the negative impact we can have on others.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. Thank you Kate for your sharing your experience and these wise words, allowing what is there to be felt and healed.
A great sharing Kate, I know those vulnerable moments and often I have gone into protection and closed off from the other person, but what you offer here is a beautiful opportunity for us to experience our vulnerability in these times and to accept them and to feel how powerful and healing this can be.
A vulnerable moment like this is one where we can choose to heal and grow or one where we can cement our hurts and protections.
Often men cannot help but look at us, they may think that they are attracted to our looks but really they are drawn to our stillness and our inner beauty that shines through and they are yearning to be lovingly embraced by our innate divinity.
‘A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. Very wise words, and something I have found to be absolutely true for myself. When we allow ourselves to feel our vulnerability it can be uncomfortable, but if we stay with it, it stops us shutting down or trying to override what it is we are feeling. Quite often it is an old hurt that has resurfaced to heal and if we can stay with it and not ignore it, it offers us an amazing release from an old pattern that has kept us from being our true and amazing selves.
Catching how we are sitting is a good one for me – we often slump without thinking and if I am with another person who is slumped we tend to mirror each other’s body language. Now whenever I catch it, I put my shoulders back a little bit and lift my chest – not in a false Sergeant Major way but gently, tenderly regaining my natural posture, which feels great.
“…I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man. This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them” – how true Kate particularly so between men and women where there are so many dynamics… and I’m also thinking here of male doctors, gynaes etc. when as women sometimes we can almost freeze being examined ‘down below’ — when we bring it back to ourselves we leave the imposition we have behind leaving the person to do their job, whilst we do ours: looking at the relationship we have with ourselves.
“A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. ” Wise words indeed, and from my own experience when put into practice it really does work. So perhaps our hurts are not actaully part of who we are, but what we have taken on over a lifetime, and they can be as easily let go of as they were to take on.
“If we feel the hurt or the vulnerability it just passes.” – This goes to show that the hurts are not us and that once felt they can be let go of and released very simply.
Yes, the times that I have locked eyes with a man on the street and then quickly looked away, do feel disrespectful in the body and this happens when we walk around carrying those self made thoughts like, if I look too long he will think I’m coming on to him and so on. But when you look at a man solely from your truth, they feel the difference and even if they don’t accept the honouring, they have received it.
A great sharing of our vulnerability to simply feel it and honour ourselves and not try and hide and shut down all we are which feels horrible and lessons us and inside of shining and opening up to being all of us lovingly and what a joy this is too feel.
I used to hate those vulnerable moments where I have felt exposed and raw, yet if I stay with them and don’t try to hide or bury them, I can learn so much about myself, and change old patterns that have kept me held in a certain way, that I have not been able to get past. Now I welcome them even though the initial moment can be quite uncomfortable it is also a moment to enjoy as once revealed it can be incredibly freeing and very powerful, claiming back a bit more of me.
‘I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture)…’ When we personalise everything because of our hurts, or unresolved issues we don’t tend to see how our responses or reactions to another adds potentially to their hurt and their issues… and the merry-go-round loop continues. How, beautiful that you clocked, Kate what was happening in the moment and remained open to the male member of staff.
Thank you Kate for sharing this. I can see how I walk around the ‘pool of life’ constantly seeking things and activities to cover me up. But feeling the fragility and vulnerability is actually the key to unlocking our power. We don’t need to react, to absorb life’s events or be steered off course like we received a big gust of wind. All there is to do, is to keep feeling our sweetness and the truth in our cells.
Great sharing. It is amazing and honour to have the ability to feel. My body has a continuous pain in a few places of late. They can subside but are never gone. It’s keeps me real knowing that choices have been made in contraction and I have the constant reminder a more fuller choice can be made from here on.
The world sorely needs women to be open, transparent and claimed in the fragility they truly are. In the toughest of environments, the walls simply melt, people open up and remember their own humanness, their own tenderness and care, when they are with a woman who lets herself be fully seen.
The vulnerability you share about here Kate is endless. We can forever keep deepening in this connection with ourselves and being ‘naked’ with others. And it’s such a blessing – for us and for everyone we meet.
There is a strength in fragility that is unlike the outer strength I have become used to. It is a strength in knowing that I can let go of the walls of protection and ask for true support.
How lovely it is Kate to know and experience that our hurts and vulnerabilities don’t belong to us and if allowed to be felt can be let go off opens us up to others, thank you for sharing your vulnerable moment.
A beautiful invitation to start to feel our vulnerability and fragility as innate and inspiring qualities that bring us to the possibility of open and supportive relationships with ourselves and others.
I can relate to this of looking away from people when I feel them coming towards me, particularly men. However, in moments where I feel very full within myself I notice that I offer a very different quality to others, I am much more open and this supports them to surrender.
Allowing ourselves to simply feel whatever we’re feeling, to stay with it, is indeed a gift – a healing and a lesson. When we run away from it and do everything we can to not feel it, it’s still there in our bodies, and will make an appearance again and again until we’re ready to deal with it. When we actually find the courage to feel those feelings, usually they’re not that bad – uncomfortable, for sure – but well within our capability to deal with them by simply sticking it out and feeling it.
I have come to love those “Stop and Take Notice moments” as they have the potential to be life-changing. In the past I may have taken notice but then continued on in my day, but these days I know that they are always offering me an opportunity to look at something in my life that is waiting to be addressed. In that moment I have the choice to keep things the way they have always been or to make the change that is being asked for. These days I always make the choice to change as from it I know that I can learn and grow.
I love this Ingrid… giving ourselves the space and opportunity to go beyond the first realisation of the ‘stop and take notice moments’ to explore the potential of learning on offer.
This is a fabulous sharing Kate showing us the importance and the difference it makes when stay vulnerable and open to others.
What a beautiful reminder to be open and sharing of who we truly are be it a Women or a Men, that each one of us a super sensitive and to ignore or don’t even acknowledge someone creates tension and friction.
Not being acknowledged and feeling we are being ignored is certainly an awful feeling isn’t it… so super important to allow ourselves those vulnerable moments and meet everyone as we would like to be met ourselves, with grace, tenderness and an open heart.
I agree. The more we share, acknowledge and appreciate our natural tenderness, the more open and honouring all our interactions and relationships are.
Feel vulnerable can often be something we deeply resist feeling because we associate it with weakness, but as i have experienced and as you share, vulnerable moment or moments where we feel something are actually amazing opportunities to learn more about ourselves and develop a deeper relationship to ourselves.
When I’m feeling at my most vulnerable, if I stay with it, there’s usually then an opportunity to learn and connect to and understand myself on a deeper level. There’s a choice in that moment – to clam up and shut it down, override what I can feel with distraction or hardness, or to stay with it, allow the vulnerability and potentially deep learning and connection on offer.
I agree Bryony – these moments are an amazing opportunity to grow and learn and get to know ourselves more. I have found that often there is a space just before something becomes a freak out reaction and in that space is an opportunity to be vulnerable and open to whatever is coming up and be tender with myself over it rather than reacting to it, going hard and it turning into an issue.
My experience is that if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable then this allows others to show their vulnerability too, and everyone wins as it opens the gateway to a truer, and deeper form of expression which is always healing.
I can really feel how there is this moment of choice that we are offered in situations like you have described Kate – to close up as we have so often done, the habit as it were, or to open up and feel ourselves vulnerable in doing this. When we make the choice for the latter we feel the power in what vulnerability offers – for us and the other as well. What a beautiful lesson to take out into our lives.
Imagine… if we all decided for one day to be vulnerable and let ourselves feel whatever hurt or issue comes up without trying to dull or numb or hide it in someway (as in doing so also means we have to shut down from another) the world would be a very very different place indeed.
Those are wise words indeed about letting yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability – in my experience this is what helps me then process it – to observe and see what is being brought up in me and to change how I respond to life, just how you shared with us here Kate.
I thought of you blog Kate yesterday when I was at the swimming pool and two men walked past and could feel in that moment something in me wanted to hide then I remembered this blog and remembered I have absolutely no reason to hide.
Looking around the pool I could see many people contracting and hiding in there many differing ways. It is in that hiding we do not allow another to see the divinity we are.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and to let go of trying to control what is going on in that moment is such an amazing feeling. To not care what people think and feel what ever there is going on. I actually feel stronger within when allow this to happen and thats ironic because the way vulnerability is portrayed is that you are insecure and unsafe.
This is such a sweet blog Kate. On returning to it I am reminded of the importance of allowing myself to feel fragile and to stay open.
How transformative allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is. Thank you for writing about this, Kate.
Every time I allow myself to feel the vulnerability of the moment, it sustains my next step of deepening of love with myself and with others. This is what keeps me going and not give up in life.
It feels like being vulnerable is a beautiful surrender, remaining steady and still, holding ourselves in a tender hug while showing those around us that it’s safe to trust and show the glory of who we truly are. It’s immensely inspiring – the incredible strength and freedom in letting go of our protection and remaining consistent in openly sharing our love is deeply felt, inviting others to consider doing the same.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” ….. this has happened for me, just reading this blog! Connecting with the situation you were in, Kate, I felt how I would like to have a towel by the side of the pool so I could cover myself as soon as I got out of the water. I started typing a comment, then paused, as I could feel how my body had hardened slightly as I wasn’t allowing myself to feel my vulnerability. I was finding a solution, rather than giving myself permission to feel how it is to be vulnerable and being ok with this – it has been a gift, thank you.
I loved the detail with which you described the changes in your body as you felt an old pattern of reaction around men. I have noticed similar patterns that seem to happen before I can think. I notice the averting of y eyes and the dropping of my head to unconsciously show people I am no threat (or worse that I am less than them). It is great to catch these patterns and correct them, so the full woman can be seen and lived.
It is so true that we can project situations of the past onto people we are meeting right now and who have nothing in common with the other person of the past. I often notice this with men too and it is great to read how you approached it and stayed open and met his eyes. I noticed that when we don’t we can be kept in our fear or anxiety whilst by meeting the other person we feel the connection and the anxiety fades away.
Being open to feeling into what comes up in every moment can lead to great healing. Great that you had the awareness to clock your reaction and was then able to turn it around into a healing experience for both of you, and that you didn’t allow your old pattern to surface and embed into your body even deeper. Thank you Kate for sharing your vulnerable moment.
Feeling vulnerable can also bring a humbleness – currently it’s showing me that I haven’t got everything wrapped up perfect and there’s actually more to feel and more space to grow in my relationships.
” I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man.” All of our movements have an effect (on everyone) – hence why it is important to deal with our hurts.
It’s so easy to give others the wrong message, just because we’re reacting to our own hurts and withdrawing, not wanting to feel vulnerable when faced with another. If we can muster the courage to stay open and be honest enough with ourselves to express what we’re feeling, it leaves the way open for connection – with ourselves and others. And far less clearing up of misunderstandings to do. Life is so much easier the more transparent and vulnerable we’re prepared to allow ourselves to be and feel.
The more we can allow ourselves to be in a vulnerable moment and experience all of who we are the more the men will start to allow themselves to vulnerable too.
Women seeing men in their tenderness and vulnerability feels amazing and is the most beautiful feeling of allowance to be who we are naturally.
To allow that moment of vulnerability and transform an old hurt is indeed alchemy in action.
It can be confronting to feel vulnerable in front of others, especially men when in a swim suit as you’ve described, but it sounds like you were very true to you, stayed with your connection to who you are and that was very felt.
How great that you were able to heal a life-old hurt in one moment just by making the conscious choice to re-imprint the old pattern.
“A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it.”” Realising that feeling a hurt can be healing as we discover it is not part of who we truly are.
Love this Mary – “Realising that feeling a hurt can be healing as we discover it is not part of who we truly are.” When young I was taught to ‘do’ so as not to feel – and I now know not to upset the adults around me at the time. Just this week I allowed myself to deeply feel a hurt I thought I had dealt with, which arose out of the blue. Allowing myself to feel it and not distract myself away is something I am allowing more in my life – and thus healing more unresolved issues.
“A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” ” – so true Kate, I remember a time recently when i burst into tears in a taxi because of something that prior occurred. There would have been a time before where i would have held back those tears and not have told anyone. As the taxi proceeded, I allowed my silent tears to flow, and at the end of the day shared my experience with a female work colleague, and just the sharing alone without feeling awkward or shy, created a knowingness and gentle sisterhood between us, it felt beautiful and indeed was a gift for both of us.
It always amazes me the difference in how I feel about my body at a swimming pool. Being in public practically naked is not something I would normally choose, and yet it seems so natural to be with all these people, all wearing nothing really but waterproof underwear, bobbing around together in a water-filled hole in the ground.
Thank you Kate that was lovely. I love the part ” and we smiled and it was an innocent moment of two people meeting each other ” how wonderfull for you both.
I love the wise words you shared regarding allowing ourselves to feel the hurt or vulnerability, as it will pass. So often I can turn to an activity (food, work, exercise, cleaning etc..) to bury the hurt, and this is a gentle and loving reminder to allow myself to feel it and learn from it and then let it go…
This blog is pure gold in what it shares and how it expresses it; there is even a vulnerability in your writing that can be felt and therefore allows the reader to drop any protection that is held in the body particularly across the chest and reflect of any similar moments they have had. Not only that the depth in which you go to with regards to relationships, expressing and even how fleeting moments with people we do not know so well, if we are not open could lead to a feeling of rejection or adding to someone’s unresolved hurts. So much is said here. I also know exactly what you mean as there have been many times in local swimming pools that although I have had a swimming costume on I have felt completely naked especially feeling people (men) are looking at me. Not so long ago I went to a swimming pool with a friend in the evening and there were a few men in the pool what I noticed was when walking I walked with all of me feeling my feet on the ground, my legs, my whole body and walked steadily and solidly so as not to slip. It was awesome to feel how comfortable I felt in my own skin and what I was reflecting to others. I also agree in that if we allow our vulnerability we can learn so much about both ourselves and others.
We have so many of these potentially powerful moments throughout our day, moments where if we were to be really honest, we feel vulnerable. But we have conditioned ourselves very well to over-ride them – so well that we don’t even realize how vulnerable we might feel.
The fact is, our sensitivity, our innate ability to feel, are gifts and never a weakness. And when we do heed our vulnerability and honour what it’s communicating to us, that’s when we truly open up to another. It is a dearly beautiful thing to be met in that transparency and rawness with nothing to hide, as it is equally as beautiful to be in that, and to not shy away but to let the world see you, in your vulnerability, in full.
Claiming space, claiming your truth and power (authority of what you know inside) is the key to all our falls. In that we discover there are no true falls/failings – as whatever is the choice you made, it is one of precision to show you the truth.. We can then choose to cover this over with falsity, but the truth always remains.
It’s almost an automatic reaction when feeling vulnerable to not let the world see this or use some protective pattern to hide ourselves in some way this as if vulnerability is some kind of flaw. How gorgeous that you did not allow this to taint the beauty and innocence of a connection but rather felt and embraced it an expression and part of the beauty of who you are… which is nothing short of blessing and an healing for all.
“I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body.” I love this observation Kate and can feel how when we allow ourselves to be taken in by our heads and or go into scenario’s of what we think may happen or allow pictures to come in we halt the surrender and true fragility of who we are be seen and this honesty is then forfeited and the hardness is then felt in our bodies. I too am learning that surrendering to how we truly feel and allowing this to flow creates much more space to simply be with how we feel and then move from there. It brings a greater understanding to our patterns and or ways of moving that may no longer be serving us or allowing us to grow.
Such a quality of being that we have learnt to shut down and resist because of it looking and being perceived as being weak. I have been allowing myself to feel vulnerable at times and there is something very beautiful in this. Once I let go of what others think and simple allow for what every is going on to just be, even if I do feel vulnerable, I am giving myself permission to be all of who I am which is awesome.
As a man it is fascinating to understand this perspective. There is so much at play in all of us – which highlights the absolute necessity for reading and understanding – yet so many of us just leap into reaction, which only goes to cement the hurts or ideals.
I feel unnerved by the strength in my vulnerability and delicacy and often retract or recoil. This blog and all the comments show that it is not only possible but truly natural to live in a more open way.
I am noticing that the more I relax and allow vulnerability, the more people relate to me, it is just gorgeous when we let down our guards and see the divinity that is in everyone.
I am constantly amazed by what my body is willing to show me when I am willing to listen and feel.
It is so interesting being in a vulnerable moment and then actually admitting and letting yourself feel this instead of hardening up and being tough, not to show any weakness. Being sensitive to how we feel and feeling we can express this to anyone at any time is a level of honesty that I certainly am allowing myself to go to and know there is so much more we can let ourselves feel.
I felt vulnerable a few days ago but I wanted to stop myself from feeling it, so I reacted. But what my body wanted is for me to truly feel, so this reaction escalated into an even more intense situation, in which I had no choice but to come back to being deeply vulnerable. If I allow myself to few every moment then these intense moments need not be. So thank goodness I chose to feel. As when I was committed to be present to my feelings, I felt a deep sense of settlement.
Adele, we often spend so much of my time ignoring what is there to be felt and therefore creating situations which need not be, to connect and feel is so simple it’s so interesting how often we avoid it.
It is a great exercise to stay open to every-one no matter what energy they are in .You can say no to the energy but yes to who you know they innately are. In the past when people approached me to hug with a needy energy I would recoil away, now I hug them lovingly, embracing them, but not their neediness.
This is the gateway to an amazing advancement of our relationships. Putting Love before hurts – not allowing the ‘rubbish stuff’ to affect the far more powerful ‘good stuff’!
Allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable, especially when wearing a swimsuit is extra vulnerable. I know that I too used to feel very insecure in my teenage years, not feeling confident in m body and what looks would come your way when you used to be at the beach or pool. So to be confronted with that in your adult life, to allow yourself to be completely open and let people in, can sometimes be a challenge. However, your experience Kate, sounds like a very healing and confirming one, to connect with this gentleman and stay with yourself, in that moment, very heartwarming.
Lately I have been realising the detail of how much more I can step into my true divine vibration – stepping out into the world with all of me – no apologies accepted!
How many moments do we have a day when we choose to shut down and not shine the mighty love we are? Society is geared up to not allow us to be who we are so many of us reduce ourselves. Yet as you know Kate it is never ever worth it, standing tall and not reducing our light is the only way forward.
Giving ourselves the space to feel the vulnerability is an amazing gift to ourselves. Recently I was feeling very strange within myself and I phoned my daughter up and told her that I was feeling really pathetic and I didn’t know what to do with myself or this feeling, and very wisely she asked me ‘Could it be that you are simply feeling vulnerable’ – this is something that I would never have considered because to me being vulnerable meant being weak. As soon as I felt the vulnerability my whole body settled down, and became very calm inside.
Then about a month later I was talking to a lady who was dealing with a difficult issue and I recognised that she also was being stoic to get through, and then when we had the discussion about allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable she lightened up and her face changed. It is interesting how our beliefs play out and we make life harder for ourselves than it needs to be.
Thank you for sharing this, Julie, it is part of our honesty accepting that we are feeling vulnerable and seeing it as a simple truth, not a weakness. Sometimes I react to situations and when I realise that it is because I was feeling vulnerable, not in control, then it has been easier to surrender to the messages my body is sending me, and to nurture myself accordingly.
This is a great example of when we walk knowing in full who we are, we leave no cracks for any doubt to enter and try to skew the true beauty we otherwise reflect to another in this state.
I love what your share about how much we can learn about ourselves and where our bodies are at when we choose to be vulnerable. When we shut down and harden, we shut down our ability to feel, and in doing so we effectively build walls around ourselves as well as around others.
It is always a choice to shut down or stay open. The other day I was walking with a friend and I felt my enormous love for her and wanted to hold her hand and skip with her ,as we did when we were kids. I observed my shyness to follow through with this impulse, as I wondered how she would respond to my affection. In future I will not hold back.
What I learn from reading this blog today is that if I allow myself to be vulnerable I can feel in any moment what is there for me to heal and grow from which I otherwise would miss out because of not being open to growth and evolving. That said when I am feeling vulnerable is in fact a sign for me that I am open for healing my hurts and to return to a way of living that makes it possible for me to live more of me and in that to not allow anymore that contracted and minimalist version of me to be part of my life.
I feel moved by reading how you observed that choices actually impact more than ourselves: “At that moment I knew that if I had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… and who knows how he would have felt about himself.” I was also touched by your sensitivity to other people even when you were feeling uncomfortable yourself, and how that was what supported you to pay attention to what was going on and turn it round.
I find often I believe that I have resolved a pattern in my life only to find it is still there. Your sharing Kate is a great reminder not to feel despondent but to acknowledge and welcome it as a deeper level of learning and healing.
Thank you for sharing this lovely example of the power of deepening appreciation of ourselves Kate and the ripple effect this has on others.
Deepening our self-awareness is a beautiful thing. I experienced this yesterday, catching myself in the process of ‘deciding’ whether to react to something or not. It was just a moment but it showed me so much about the games I play with rejection and how I can use this to justify not expressing myself fully. Just one moment of self-awareness such as this can be life-changing.
Raising our awareness with our own vulnerability Kate, is a great learning because I know well how I can close down or harden myself and push through things. Although it may not feel comfortable at the time, staying with our journey with our vulnerability gives us insight to our deeper feelings and with this, we can grow.
These are wise words indeed that you have shared with us around vulnerability. To allow myself to feel everything that is going on in a moment and not react to it and not give in to those thoughts that pop in that come from old hurts but remain open to true observation has to be one of the most amazing things I have experienced that has enriched my life greatly.
Amazing reflection of how important it is to feel our hurts and let them go so they do not continue to pollute our interactions with other people. Thank you for sharing Kate.
‘… it was an innocent moment of two people meeting each other….’ when we don’t hide or override what is going on but feel our vulnerability we offer who we truly are and that we are all equal. I am learning to allow my vulnerability to be there without my ‘usual’ disapproval and to open up and enjoy the connection with my body and from there the connection with other(s).
Being vulnerable and feeling ok with this is something that I have struggled with for a very long time. Not until I started to appreciate that this was something that I can embrace and it is a natural expression of who I am. Trying to keep a strong, all good image is exhausting.
Thank you Kate, this is beautiful to read as a young lady who recognized herself in the same situation, and that it is possible to be actually full of yourself and have no urgency to hide. This example learns us all women that we are never at the mercy of a situation, even if the situation or environment stays the same, it is us who can change from the inside out.
I had a moment at work where I felt vulnerable, I couldn’t do my dresses zip up at the back all the way up so when I had a colleague come in I asked if they could help. This is unusual for me as I would always be self sufficient and make it happen. That day I just thought someone can help me. So when I asked and allowed the support I really felt vulnerable but in such a good way. I felt like we can open up and allow people in even if it is something that we can feel vulnerable in.
Another great learning from this blog is not to take it personally or feel rejected (ie the men you walked past if you had averted contact) as it probably has nothing to do with you.
I agree Kate there is so much to be learnt and let go of in these vulnerable moments. We can carry many postures of protection in our body that we are not even aware of. I find it helpful to notice moments when I go to block other people out and make an inward movement jut to let them in.
It’s very easy to shrink in the presence of men if we do not feel confident in ourselves. But how much do we deprive them of by not being our full selves. It’s worth considering the effect we are having on others if we choose to hold back.
This is a great example of the strength and power of vulnerability Kate. What if we actually create what we most fear when we contract or shrink at these times in order to . . . as in this example . . . protect or hide our breasts whereby attracting the very attention we are trying to avoid? As would not the eyes of another if not held in steady contact naturally go to the area that the person is trying to protect?
Understanding that if we allow ourselves to contract and protect ourselves in vulnerable moments, we not only say no to our inner beauty, we also say no to another’s is powerful, as it brings a much higher level of responsibility to be considered.
Isn’t it incredible how we are always given other opportunities to heal things if we don’t do so the first time.
Kate, reading your blog again reminded me of similar situations in the past where I would feel awkward and vulnerable but choose to cover this up by closing the other person off with how I hold my body. For examples my shoulder would roll forward and perhaps cross my arms. Our body certainly communicates a lot and it is difficult to lie when we observe what our bodies are communicating.
Very telling how those emotional scars stay in the body and how easy it is to go into the old behaviours of wanting to hide and load the present moment with the old hurts and reactions; and when we do, we dishonour the person we are with and keep repeating the past, we live in the past and drag it into the present.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. I love this Kate because the vulnerability is not us in truth, and when we allow ourselves to feel it it must pass, as there is no substance to it at all.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” – we are taught from a young age to not show our vulnerability, to harden up and to deal with things in that way, but this does not really allow us to feel what is happening and actually allow that hurt to be processed, as we are just burying it under deeper layers to be dealt with later on. But as said in this quote to Kate, if you simply let yourself feel the hurt and allow yourself to be vulnerable in it, then it does clear, it does pass and so we learn and grow. I so needed to be reminded of this too today!
“Unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture)” – if and when we contract/reduce ourselves or shrink in any way it affects the way we are with another, and another will feel this and as a result potentially walk away feeling lesser too. There fore we do hold a responsibility in how we are all of the time, for really everything in the way we are will affect another person – the way we walk, the way we look at them, the way we speak and what we say! This is very empowering to realise – thank you Kate for this wonderful reminder to always bring the All to the all.
What is lovely about this account is how we can feel the quality of all our movements and choose to either protect and keep others out or let others in.
When we shut ourselves off from others we are actually shutting out the love of the universe. Love flows between all of us all the time and it is up to us to not shut out this love.
Every time I cross path with a man I think of this blog, I reconnect to my responsibility to be love and show to men that an exchange of looks does not have to be sexual, or imposing. I am not perfect at it, but this blog has really inspired something deeper.
You really do feel the effects of looking away from another or another doing the same to you, it actually hurts and feels disrespectful and dismissive of the other, and can, as you say Kate, take them into feeling rejected because you aren’t able to look at them. It is so beautiful when you can hold your gaze with another simply from your own settled feelings inside, and share the enjoyment of acknowledging another with an openness that holds them just for being them at that moment.
How lovely also, for that man who walked past going about his day, not having to feel a woman cowering or lowering yourself in a projected defence about another person’s possible intent, imagined or otherwise. This shows the impact of taking responsibility.
i love the fact that you owned and appreciated your vulnerability instead of projecting a defence or hardness to another person who happened to be walking by when your experience unfolded.
I am understanding the importance of allowing ourselves to feel our vulnerability and hurt more and more, how it does indeed pass and if we bury it or go into coping mechanisms to deal with it we actually miss the healing of the moment or experience only to find it comes round again in a different form. Something as supposedly innocent as walking in our swimsuit can bring up so much, it is a great opportunity to look at body image issues and get support to let them go.
Love these words Kate ‘“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
Surrendering to the vulnerability is surrendering to ourselves.
It seems that there of many of us in the world who walk around with unresolved hurts buried in our bodies, and even though we may not be consciously aware of them, they stop us from expressing who we truly are, so thank you Kate for having the awareness to realise an old pattern and take steps to heal it, therefore we all get the reflection of someone who is expressing more of themselves.
So great that you had an almost identical situation again Kate and so had the opportunity with your greater awareness to feel how solid and open you are. Isn’t it amazing what can happen when we pay attention to the messages our bodies are telling us?
Yes Jane, and the more awareness we have the more subtle these messages become, and if we then act upon them, the more opportunities we have to make the choice to evolve.
A lovely sharing Kate, this is something I am also choosing, to stay open, vulnerable and connecting with other people, instead of my old pattern of protection, disconnection, and just getting things done.
It is super interesting how we can go about life and be as tough as nails but in doing so we are just covering up the most sensitive and tender person that we are inside. I have had moments like you Kate and feel super awkward but keep reminding myself that it is totally ok to be this because this is who I am.
Kate, it touches me how you saw that your closing down would probably be interpreted by a man as rejection. This is such a loving way to respond and very healing that you allowed yourself to stay open and feel the hurt.
When I was younger I was very self conscious of my body too especially at swimming pools where the lifeguards seemed really confident it would somehow highlight how unconfident I was in my body. I don’t go to swimming pools that much (although what you have shared here can be related to everywhere and not just swimming pools) but recently went to one with a friend. It was just myself and her in a small pool with all other people there being men and when going from the sauna to the pool I could feel some of the men watching me, also when walking I remembered how I used to walk quickly when I was younger at swimming pools as the floor was wet and so not to slip. However this time I stayed completely with me, loving me, allowing myself to feel open and vulnerable but also walking purposefully and slowly so not to slip on the floor being present with every footstep. I could also feel the strength and power of who I truly was without being intimidating or worrying that other people may see this, in fact I was not worried about anyone else in the room I was just being with me. This felt incredibly healing and re-imprinted a past where I would be shy, embarrassed, have no confidence or quickly scurry! When we claim who we truly are with love it is very empowering for ourselves and others.
We look around and are appalled at our the state of our world with wars, violence, and carnage. Yet what your words suggest to me Kate, is that these wars start much closer to home than we think. You make it so clear how ‘fight or flight’ is deeply ingrained in us – but what if they are actually one and the same? If this is the case, it seems to me whenever we hold back, withdraw or brace we go against and fight our natural beauty and grace. And in this moment we contribute to this world full of disconnection and dis-ease. Wow, how powerful is every choice that we make.
No matter what size your breasts are, it is quite common that we shrink or try to hide around certain people. Is this because we feel something from them or is it to do with pictures of how we should be. I know that for a long time, I didn’t feel comfortable just being me. In fact, I was a afraid to be up myself so I played myself down. Shrank, wore clothes that didn’t show me off but in fact allowed me to hide. I still do at times but am more aware of this now than ever before.
There is so much freedom in awareness – it greatly expands our choices. Great choice to be aware and observe what is truly going on.
Thank you Kate, it’s beautiful to feel how powerful it is to stay with those moments of vulnerability, not my strength I have to say but I feel inspired by your story to give it a try.
If we were to all have more vulnerable moments we would be a lot closer to God.
It is amazing how often we see vulnerability as a weakness when it is far from it. I know for myself so often when I feel really vulnerable I try to cover it up whereas there is a such a strength when I stay with it and simply observe what is there to be seen. So if we ask ourselves what am I being shown here, what can I learn from this then everything changes and it takes it away from feeling out of control to a feeling of strength and knowingness. It is a subtle shift but one which has a massively different outcome.
This blog highlights the importance of remaining open no matter what. If we act from our hurts then others do not receive or experience openness. I love your awareness of this.
It is always a surprise to me just how much we store our reactions and old emotional patterns in from the past in our body until it is released by having one of those ‘stop and take’ moments when our awareness brings to our attention something that we can then choose to let go of or not. What our body teaches us is amazing, and if we listen to it we can heal away many years of buried stuff.
…and how needed is this openness in the world!
Judging by the state of the world, very much indeed. I tell myself I want to live my truth but am very good at rejecting my power, for fear of what!!?? Whatever illusionary thought on this matter I have created for myself is not true but nevertheless I continue to allow. I guess we are not perfect, but with the awareness that we are all more than what we think we are is still a huge, and very much to be appreciated step to evolution.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. This line was a godsend to read today. When I feel vulnerable I react (hugely) and usually try to eat as much food as possible to dull down the turmoil I feel inside. I end up feeling numb, dumb and low. When I read the words this wise woman shared with you I feel inspired to feel my hurts and vulnerabilities and see how this way of being feels in my body.
Leonne, that is exactly what I experience, I eat too much and ‘I end up feeling numb, dumb and low…’ I have carried on this behaviour for years and every now and them I promise myself that it has to stop, then another situation comes up and off I go again, but every time (and I’m learning fast) this happens I feel closer to healing these old patterns, which are only an illusion and created by me anyway, because who would really want to live in the shadow of one’s true self for longer than is absolutely necessary when we know the truth of who we truly are.
Often we lean towards the option that takes away the pain the quickest.
However on a point most people would not consider why do we have pain in the first place?
From a physical stand point it is to indicator of an event to be addressed I.e a wound to be healed.
Could emotional pain have a similar role that we choose too ignore?
The option that takes away the pain the quickest for me is food, and years ago it was alcohol! We all carry around so many old hurts in our body that need to be healed, but until we stop and feel them they will remain stuck in our body. What we may not realise is that it can be far more painful to hold onto our hurts than it is to feel them, which allows them to come to the surface and be gone forever.
I was feeling how awful it must be for men to be treated as potentially abusive. As the writer points out, it sends a strong message of rejection to men and blames them for something one of their gender did in the past. It is no wonder we have miscommunication and relationship issues between men and women when either of us carry this blame and hurt from the past.
That’s right Fiona, if one person hurts us, then we can’t walk through life blaming the other 7 billion people on the planet. Dropping the façade and allowing ourselves, and others, to feel our vulnerability is an honest approach and heals everyone.
It’s amazing how we know exactly how to shape our body when we want to hide or create a false feeling of protection for ourselves. For most of us this involves the shoulders rolling forward, the chest caving in and physically shrinking with this hunching movement. If the ground could open up and swallow us, we would be grateful. It’s like we keep this posture stored in our body like a preset car seating position, so we can seamlessly slide into it whenever we think we need it!
What a beautiful healing you have shared Kate. What i love is that in your stop moment you allowed yourself to feel vulnerable which allowed you to be honest with what you were feeling and the hurt you were still holding on to in your body. Taking stop moments without going into reaction allows the soul to work with us and heal very old and often very deeply buried hurts.I am really beginning to appreciate the magical value of stop moments and the healing they can offer us.
Thank you Kate and Alison, at the moment of typing this I have a situation happening and it has caused a big reaction in me. This is an old and recurring pattern, so I choose to stop and really feel into what I am feeling and allowing myself to feel the hurt and vulnerability. Like you say very often our hurts are old and deeply buried, but when we become more aware of our reactions and how to deal with them and ask for support we can begin to heal them.
So much more opens up when I allow that open connection with others, and incredible interactions manifest in the most gorgeous way. Making it consistent in my life is a beautiful practise.
Agree Jenny, life unfolds naturally however life unfolds much more quickly and interesting when connection is a daily ingredient to our daily interactions.
I am feeling a sadness and tiredness in my body, I try and fight feeling it and think I have to put on a happy face and be all bouncy and joyful for everybody. But this is a lie and totally overriding my body. To be quiet, sit still, not speak much, say I feel tired or sad is more than okay, it’s actually letting me feel it, feel me, rather than fight it. We almost if not do have a belief that it’s not okay to talk about how we feel, especially if we are feeling down or a sadness. There are many hurts I feel but don’t allow myself to really feel or register them. I have this picture of how I think I ‘am meant to be”, a belief it’s not okay to feel sad, that I should be happy all the time and keeping everyone else happy. But that’s not my job, I loose myself, don’t know who I am, and it also doesn’t support anybody. It’s actually very lovey feeling, to let yourself feel how delicate you are, to feel vulnerable, fragile and raw. And say hey I’m not doing so great today, it lets other people feel honesty. We pretend or put on a front most of our lives and days, and never if hardly ever allow people or ourselves for that matter, to be and see who we really are. I am not sure If I have ever really truly been myself with anybody.
We can walk around thinking everything is ‘normal’ – we are friendly, nice and politely spoken. But what your words remind me in no uncertain terms Kate, is that this ‘normal’ is not even close to the quality of openness we can bring when we feel how much we truly care. It is like suddenly discovering its important for our health to breath air. In the same way allowing Love in and out is essential for the well-being of our body.
I love this blog Kate, surrendering to our vulnerability and being completely comfortable in our bodies especially around men or women has been a life long process for me. The more presence, and confidence and at ease I am with myself, I have noticed the more it allows another to be at ease with themselves too.
‘ A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.’ Thank for sharing this Kate. Allowing ourselves to surrender to vulnerability is powerful and a beautiful strength.
I love how you are teaching us that if we are totally transparent and let someone see all of us, we are actually communicating to them we see who they are and it’s ok, the same as if we shut down and protect ourselves we are giving the message to someone that we are rejecting them and that they’re not ok – Wow you really have me considering how much we non-verbally communicate with people every single day and the impact that could have on someone’s life.
This is great to read, as this vulnerability kicks in so often. It is true that when we truly let ourselves feel this, we can stay open in this connection with our body and the other person we encounter. Protection is hurting us all deeply.
This is a great blog to read, not to do with body image for me, but in the sense of allowing ourselves to feel a hurt / hurts / vulnerability and know this is okay, it actually shows how delicate and sensitive we are. To say hey that hurts/hurts, I feel really vulnerable and fragile right now, is a actually a strength, way much better than hardening the body and in turn the energy of this hurting others and ourselves.
Feeling vulnerable is one thing that does very much allude us as, that is both men and women. We have all developed a position that we need to toughen up, suck it up and the like. But what is actually called for is what you did and have shared, which is open up, throw out the judgement, the fear, connect to oneself and our vulnerability, that is where our strength lies.
This is such a lovely reminder that our reflection is being felt by everyone. A woman walking past in her body, without making herself feel less in any way is truly beautiful.
I thought I new what it meant to be vulnerable until I experienced it for real. What an amazing healing to be able to fully let go, tell yourself it is ok to go there and express how you are feeling. Letting yourself feel what ever comes up and not to be embarrassed by it in anyway. Such an amazing feeling myself in this vulnerability and letting myself go about my day in this and not changing because I think I need to have it together.
If you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. This is great advice and something that I am learning to do more and more. Surrendering into your vulnerability without judgement allows you to be with the feeling and drop deeper into fragility. Now there’s a power to be reckoned with.
What a beautiful moment to connect and feel that hurt from the past and choose not to close down and contract as you have done previously.
‘This reminds me so much of a huge change that has occurred in my life, I used to get sexist and attacking comments and imposing energy from men, frequently…I thought it was because of what I wore, so often I would wear clothes I could hide in to avoid attention. You can’t do that in a swimming costume…and yet now, because I have changed how I feel about myself, I hold myself differently, I wear more clothes that show my curves and yet I don’t get so many comments that are attacking. The attack came so much more from my low self esteem being seen and felt by others, I use to shrink and hide, I was setting myself up as a victim, something I do not choose these days and so I have a different reflection in life. I also thought men would be sexual with me, now that I meet men as equals without imposition and expectations myself, and the experience is very different.
Showing our vulnerability helps another see and feel they do not need to hide theirs behind a fortress of toughness. So we can slowly let down the layers of protection and truly relate to each other from a place connection. and the more we appreciate our fragility and vulnerabilty instead of crushing it, we can celebrate and live the truth of us, and discover the true power we all hold within.
Speaking from experience, how often do we not want to feel the hurt that we go into a behaviour, habit or other things that numb what is coming up to feel? Kate it’s great in that moment that you chose to feel your earlier hurts, but then not shrink away, because that moment had nothing to do with those earlier hurts. But we can hang onto them being unaware of how they affect us, even years down the track.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable in the presence of another allows an honesty and trust that is not there when we hold this beautiful quality back. I am finding that the more I allow myself to be vulnerable with another, the more I am able to deepen my acceptance and honouring of myself, as I am realising that others are not going to avoid me for being vulnerable, quite the opposite in fact. When true love is present, the support is always there, its simply a case of asking for it.
We get to feel and learn so much more in those vulnerable moments if we can stay open. I’m tempted to say that its about being brave, but that is not it as there is still a holding in that. Its more a question of trusting that we are enough, we will not break, and we are simply letting the world in to see us deep down… if you ever watch anyone holding a new born baby – how precious it is, that is the feeling I have of what it is like to share our vulnerability.
I love the description you give of your body wanting to go into an old pattern based on how you used to deal with what came at you at a woman exposed in her swimmers. It made me realise that I refuse to hunch over and hide myself but instead I go into a hardness and as though there is a shield of armour around me. How beautiful to simply continue being you!
This is a gem of wisdom and often when I pass by someone — a male — and I feel my body start t cave in, change and effectively hide, I remember what you have shared here Kate. To be honest, it’s still a work in progress for me, having played games with men for many years in the past, I took on as an attractive young woman the objectification that as women we allow, and hence the pain and walls we then put up. I can feel how beautiful it is for a man when a woman is open to him with absolutely no agenda, just letting him see her naturally, without any game being played — what a massive healing this is. This is not common today, we tend to keep each other and ourselves at arms length, and this rejection hurts humanity more than it would care to admit.
Not letting ourselves feel our vulnerably we have to harden and then with this we shut down and pull away from moments with people that we can be really open with – which stops our connections developing. Being able to allow ourselves to feel everything and then not react to these feelings, just simple let them be we have such an awesome potential of really allowing people in.
I have read this blog several times and am always touched by your willingness to love yourself more deeply Kate Greenaway, to feel the vulnerability that allows that depth to be reached in the first place. Our vulnerability is so universal and connecting with it allows our brothers and sisters to feel theirs! I love it!
It is incredible how much we hold in our bodies, an assortment of situations can trigger us to have feelings or emotions come up at any time. I am learning the key is stay with the feeling and let myself to see and allow this vulnerable moment to be seen by others.
It has been very difficult for me to exhibit any vulnerability throughout most of my life. In my family it was my role to be strong and not need anything. I was always ‘cool’.
It was not until Esoteric Women’s Health came along and presented the idea that our willingness to feel and share our vulnerability is actually one of our strengths, did I even contemplate this possibility. Since having trialled it though, there is no turning back. It has been liberating and supported me to grow in extraordinary ways to share my vulnerabilities.
Reading this beautiful blog, I was reminded of my time living in the US. Where I used to live, it was customary that people would look straight at your eyes when passing by in the street. There was no margin from anyone to look disrespecfully to anybody else. In that little town I learnt how costly is to avoid looking at someone that looks at you to greet you. You have to command your body against what is natural.
It is such a learning for us to hold our beauty within and let it shine out especially when we feel vulnerable. It shows how solid we can be when we know where we come from, that light is always there inside us shining out when we keep the doors open.
This is very beautiful Kate and this quote is a god send to me right now – “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. thank you.
“I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body.” It is the protective barriers that we put up to stop oursleves feeling this vulnerability that are what will eventually cause us so much harm.
What this article reminds me of visiting it again is how much power we can wield in every single moment. In a fleeting glance we can support a person to feel held, accepted and loved – or the opposite, that is rejected and unwanted. Such is our responsibility, with every movement and breath that we take.
It is very special the way that Kate Greenaway was sensitive to not rejecting this man. That in her moment of vulnerability she was still able to consider the other person.
‘ “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.’ very true Kate a very powerful and healing gift.
Thank you Kate for this awesome reminder to not shy away from just simply being ourselves. I too have found myself often cringing or ‘compacting myself’ when I have felt a male look coming my way especially when we can feel it is a look that is ‘taking’ or ‘wanting something’ or a look where you feel like you are being ‘undressed’ by another! But then we learn to always do this, even when the look is one of non-imposing appreciation. It is about learning to be at ease with ourselves, to accept our our beauty and simply be with it no matter what comes from the outside. This can be such a freeing experience! A great reminder of what to practice each and every day!
I am learning to stay with my vulnerability when I feel things and not go hard in my body.
How many of us carry around our unresolved issues which affect our relationship with everyone we meet. By recognising this we are halfway there to healing them, and maybe the rest can be healed by acknowledging our own vulnerability and that of others by not trying to hide or put up a protection to not only keep others out, but to stop feeling our own hurts.
A beautiful read Kate, and I love the honesty in it when you write how ugly it would have been to look down and in that give a message of rejection to the man you projected an unresolved hurt to. Although we all do not want these events of hurting someone in our lives, how often does it actually happen because we react unconsciously from of our unresolved hurts?
Isn’t it beautiful what happens when let ourselves feel what is going on for us, when we don’t shrink, avert our eyes or hold back. It feels to me that we are actually in relationship with everyone no matter who they are and all these seemingly little acts of shutting down just separate us further. Your beautiful blog shows there is another way we can be and it isn’t difficult, it just requires awareness and taking responsibility for how we react or respond on our part. Thanks Kate, lovely to read this again.
There are many vulnerable moments in the cruelty human beings adminster to each other in life, if we take the opportunity to feel all of these moments, we have a lot of opportunities to return to loving ourselves and to expressing a love truly true in the world.
Gorgeous sharing Kate… confirming trust in relationships for both of you – the little details really do count.
Allowing ourselves to feel a hurt of vulnerability is a gift indeed. There are so many instances we can shy away from such feelings and that choice always influences our movements, taking us out of that moment where we can instead say with our expression, I know this old behaviour and I choose to not live it anymore, for the sake of myself and for others. This is an enormously powerful reflection to the world.
Kate it’s so easy to over-ride those vulnerable moments and when we do we can avoid a moment of truly feeling where we are and healing and as you point out we impact others, so what I feel really clearly from your sharing is the responsibility we carry first towards ourselves to feel how we are and not run away from it, and then towards others in understanding that everything we do to ourselves also affects others, so a very beautiful sharing on how you stayed with what you felt without closing down, and in doing so you embraced a healing for all involved.
When we shut ourselves down, when we hold back, when we reduce ourselves as women, we actually open ourselves more to getting hurt and we feed the very energy that is there that can come through men (or others) to denigrate us as women. By you not caving in to an old way of being and wanting to hide, you broke a eon old hold on women that wants to make us hide and not be seen. This is incredibly powerful! Amazing and very inspiring – thank you Kate!
Thanks for this beautiful sharing – it is worth considering how every single action, every movement we make conveys to another the integrity and congruency we live, and whether we are open to that person, or if we are moving in a way that shuts them out.
“I had a greater appreciation of myself in that moment, and in my growing strength to choose to stay open to others, no matter what the situation. A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. This is so important for relationships. My vulnerability and sensitivity around men has always been the key factor to choosing to shut-down around them. The truth I could really bring is in these gifts that I have hidden from myself first and then from men. Then there is win win.
Thank you Kate, I love the sensibility that lays in these encounters, that we are allowed to be that delicate with each other.
It is these moments of imperfection and vulnerability that we have a huge opportunity to learn and yet often they are the moments we want to bush over and ignore, because in a way they can feel like a failure etc. And yet these relations and vulnerable times are like spring boards from which we can re-imprint and make change.
Coming back to this blog again and re-reading I can feel the enormity of this learning. “It took a lot” to meet this man’s eyes, but I am so glad you did Kate as I also still find myself dropping eye contact with others occasionally because of unresolved issues in my body. This awareness has shown me where I still hold back and when it happens next I will be more prepared to allow myself the vulnerability of the moment and to clock what is underneath that behaviour.
There is a distinct difference between allowing yourself to feel something and then judge yourself within that feeling, and allowing yourself to just be with the vulnerability, absolutely, as your supporting yourself with your own grace and love which is very beautiful to feel.
It is fascinating how we can go into feeling vulnerable and not know how to be with this so we harden up, shut people out and brace ourselves to try and protect something from happening. What I love Kate is you so felt this old way trying to slip in but you clocked it, said not to it, choose the Love and Joy that you felt inside and remained open to those men no matter what situation. This is seriously inspiring and when we do have a steady, consistent relationship with ourselves, how we feel from the inside out then this is what holds us and supports us through moments that we know are not us and old patterns to be exposed and let go of.
Allowing ourselves to show our vulnerability is a very beautiful thing to do and I am appreciating that as a woman, allowing myself to show this part of me, particularly to men, gives them an opportunity to be more open and loving towards me as a woman. I had never appreciated this until recently, and was blown away by this revelation which was shared with me by a man. By a women holding back this innate beauty that she has within her, she is in truth not encouraging or inspiring men to be more open. It made me realise the responsibility and opportunity we have as women to be all that we are all of the time.
Isn’t it interesting how we can still have patterns and fears that live within us and we can be quite unaware they are there till a situation comes around that we stop and notice. We often have to choose to be aware of something deeper going on or we can just carry on as normal, shrinking and anticipating for no reason.
This is beautiful, what we choose to show to others is deeply affecting how we feel. When we choose to show all of us and be vulnerable, we can be in a beautiful connection, but when we’re not and choose to hold back, it will add to the tension in our body that we live with.
“At that moment I knew that if I had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… and who knows how he would have felt about himself.” A great realisation Kate, when we shut down that we not only affect ourselves but we affect others, We don’t always need words, just our body language can be enough to create confusion and complication.
It is lovely when we allow and accept all our feelings even the uncomfortable ones, when we can do that we remain open and transparent, this is gold in a world full of protection.
As human beings we have so many stories from our past experiences and these can be triggered when we meet others – it’s like different worlds meeting one another. Developing my inner stillness has supported me to feel what is truly going on in relationships and knowing when I’m in reaction, or when I’m lacing the current situation with something unrelated from my past.
Kate revisiting your blog, I have gained more insight into the subtle ways “our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person.” I can think of so many situations where because of feeling insecure or self-conscious, I have acted in a certain way that has not been true, but defensive or protective. I have started to allow these uncomfortable feeling rather than mask them with other behaviours. I can see the possibility of feeling solid in myself in more situations as I continue to work on this.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. These are great words Kate, in the past I would want to cover up the hurt, or justify the situation so I did not feel the hurt. This is about being human and feeling what is there to be felt and let it pass.
Kate your blog is such a great example of how powerful movement is in our expression.
What I take away after reading this blog is the allowing of feeling vulnerability and hurts, and this is such a healing process
To be vulnerable is a gift and a very big healing to our bodies as it allows us the opportunity to stop and feel what is going on, to be delicate, to let our guard down, to not get caught in roles. I used to see this as a weakness, but it is actually a very beautiful experience and shows how sensitive we naturally are.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. We fight feeling our hurts and perpetually bury them deep within, recently I have been allowing myself to feel my hurts and it has given me such a great reflection on the choices that I have been making, the patterns I am in and how to change them.
Staying open,vulnerable and embracing life – wonderful Kate!
Listening to what the body has to say makes life much simpler and yet I know that there are messages I have been receiving – the body screaming for my attention that something is not right – and yet choosing to follow the thoughts in my head that justify that something else needs to ‘be dealt’ with before I will understand what these messages mean. What if they are loud and clear, there is no mystery, only a choice to ignore or listen intently? Which then brings up the question of ‘Do I feel worthy to take the time and create the space to listen?’ and if not, ‘what has been given more value than these messages?’
Maybe we have these vulnerable moments, so we can feel the way our bodies really feel as we move through life.
It is a real gift when we allow ourselves to surrender to what is and let go of hurts that have been tainting our lives by keeping others away from feeling the essence of who we are. This transparency is the way we can reflect to another that vulnerability is a strength rather than a weakness as we have been made to believe.
It’s actually quite saddening to see that vulnerability has become a dirty word, in the sense of being a woose and told to toughen up, instead of honouring how delicate and divine we all are.
I often see this at school, not people walking round pools in bathers, but children shutting down and teachers too, to not feel how sensitive and vulnerable they are. With kids you instantly feel it and see it in their body. Their body movements go from being open, light and gentle, to suddenly tensing up, becoming hard, guarded and protected. I ask them how they are feeling, what does their body feel like, do they like how it feels, does it feel different to before.
Kate I love this blog, as often I shut down to my vulnerability or saying you know what that hurt, by hardening and protecting myself, which in turn brings up a sense of sadness, for overriding my sensitivity delicateness.
I rarely go to the swimming baths mainly because the water tends to be cold, but the part I disliked the most was walking from the swimming pool to the changing rooms after my swim session – in these moments I would feel totally exposed and would feel very awkward, and then on reaching the changing rooms with a sigh of relief.
Vulnerability is often swept to the side before we even notice it, yet as you say, learning to feel the vulnerability in moments allows me to let go of tension I sometimes was not even aware of.
I recently had the experience of feeling a man be sexually attracted to me – a man who is not my husband… I realised I was being seen in this way (it was quite strong) and felt myself blush a little and become a bit uncomfortable in my sense of presence with my body. And I practised what you’ve shared here Kate – I just let myself be with all that I felt. The man was not inappropriate, he was actually deeply appreciative of me, and the choice was there for me to not close down, and simultaneously know that I was in no way ‘feeding’ any inappropriate interplay, and still ‘let him in’ (i.e. not put up any walls, and/or contract and withdraw in my posture).
It was actually a deeply freeing experience – to trust in myself and understand and appreciate how another may experience what he was experiencing, without expectation or judgement, or the need to close myself down… And appreciate the beauty that I hold as a woman, and that this need never be hidden.
A wise man once shared with me, that in order to truly sing from the truth of one’s being, one needed to own and claim every part of one’s body, for the whole is what’s felt and received via the voice… Hence I deeply appreciate what you’ve shared here Kate, for I too have felt such tendency to hide my body and protect myself ‘from view’… and have had many similar revelations… To open ourselves fully to others, as can be exemplified in song, these are walls that are there to heal, that the fullness of our love can shine through…
This is a deeply beautiful sharing Kate, thank-you. Feeling such vulnerability – the old response that came up for you, and yet staying ‘with yourself’, not pushing it aside, nor expecting yourself to be another way… this is deeply inspiring.
We need not be perfect at all, and if we allow ourselves to connect so, so much has the opportunity to be revealed, and actually transform and heal through our own self-reflection.
I have recently learnt to be more fragile with myself and allow that to be seen by others and that has dramatically changed my relationship with men in my life. They have been the greatest supports and it has been very healing to allow this love and care in.
I can relate to contracting around men I’ve done it most of my life. When I first developed breast I was so angry and felt ashamed and embarrassed when anyone looked at me male or female even when there was nothing sexual about the interaction I felt ashamed of being female. Those days are gone since I have learnt to let go of my hurts and deeply love myself and claim myself as a woman. These days I really appreciate everything about being a woman.
It is so honouring to allow ourselves to feel vulnerable and to allow others to see it. It is a step towards being totally transparent and allows for a much deeper understanding from all those around us and as a result has the potential for more truthful and intimate relationships with everyone we meet.
I am reminded here of a realisation I have come to in the past few months, we are all searching for each other’s approval and trying so hard not to be judged, all the while judging ourselves and others. How debilitating is that and if everyone is in that then who are we trying to live up to? Marketing makes us think there is an ideal woman and an ideal man and makes a great deal of money out of it, the greatest gift we can give ourselves and the reflection we can offer to others in our day to day is to show it is an illusion by living ourselves, vulnerability and all.
I have been noticing when I meet or are passing someone, am I able to just be me and not avert my eyes or hold still in my body and stay open. As we know they are the windows to our Soul why wouldn’t we share us in full and what’s coming up that we don’t equally hold ourselves and everyone the same way.
Great point Kate … ‘ clocking’ the feeling and then taking a moment to ponder and go deeper, becoming vulnerable and open to the gift being offered. What an amazing opportunity to learn from the reflections we get in life and heal old hurts and patterns
Kate, I love this article, i read it a while ago and since then have been aware of how I walk up to and past someone, I realized that walking past someone i felt intimidated by or did not feel comfortable about I would turn my body away slightly or shrink away, not staying open and in my fullness, and so I have been practicing staying open and letting people in without shying away, it feels gorgeous walking towards someone in this way, so not changing my walk, thank you for the inspiration.
Being able to feel our vulnerability in that moment, and not having to put a brave face on, or try to fix the situation is a radically different approach and not one that comes naturally to me. Yet when I experiment with it, the effects are simply extraordinary, and I get to experience the deeply tender man I am inside.
Vulnerability is a strength and an opportunity to heal or inspire another… would have never thought I would say this in the past! Since starting to see how all our actions affect everyone including ourselves, I see the importance of staying with feeling vulnerable. It is not always easy. I had another opportunity yesterday and stayed with my feelings, and didn’t justify or retreat. It surprised me, by doing this how I didn’t spiral down and actually felt empowered by being honest with what came up for me.
I love how this writing really changes my prospective on vulnerability, when it has come up for me in the past, it makes me squirm and I want to try to get quickly through it. Your friends wise words have made me consider perhaps staying with it and allowing myself to fully feel it may be more affective than rushing.
It is such a treat to come back to this blog as I have had many experiences of talking about vulnerability and hurts since I first read it. I have experimented with feeling them and acknowledging them and I can share that doing this, they do pass, they don’t sit in the body as long. The feeling still happens, the pain is still felt but I find it is more an observation that an internal embedding than it was.
A vulnerable moment is such a golden opportunity if we just stay open to it….
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
I love love love this quote. Thank you.
Thank you Kate this blog clearly demonstrates the importance of knowing what we are walking around with in our bodies which affects us in our everyday lives. The magic is though, as you have shared, is situations arise to show us what we need to learn if we are willing and open to see these reflections
Lately when I am out at the local shopping centre and I catch someone’s eyes, the times that I have not fully been with myself and let thoughts in like, don’t keep staring, look away, make me stop looking, but those times that I have chosen to hold myself and just allow myself to truly see the person, my eyes will soften and the other person ends up smiling a beautiful smile right back at me and it feels very natural to do.
Our underlying hurts will always cause us pain and complications in our lives. The tension we hold in our bodies is often there for years causing contraction in our bodies effecting our every movement. These hurts cause health issues in our body and our impact on our relationships with others. We are all offered opportunities every moment of every day to let go of our hurts and deepen our love for ourselves and therefore humanity. Thankyou for sharing your healing Kate.
“A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” ” My experience of this is the same Kate. The more I allow myself to feel the vulnerability the clearer i become about what is getting in the way of me allowing myself to be all of me, and the more open and honest I become. It can be a painful process, but the result is that everyone wins.
When we allow ourselves to have these vulnerable moments it is saying to ourselves that we can be all of who we are. There is something quite beautiful in feeling the quality of true vulnerability and surrendering and trusting that all is exactly the way it is meant to be. Allowing what ever is coming up to feel and giving ourselves the space to just feel that.
Each meeting in the situation you share with us Kate is no coincidence I feel, but, another gift for us to learn and grow. It is only of late that I now start to really appreciate what powerful connections/reflections we give out to others and that is duly returned – with or without words.
Thank you Kate for sharing your experience, of feeling vulnerable and choosing stay open to this young man, thereby offering a reflection of acceptance and not rejection.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
Very wise words indeed Kate. Thank you for sharing them with us.
One step at a time, elainearthey, it is building that loving foundation with ourselves that counts and then we build a platform can everyone can stand on.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes” but when we dont, we fight it and prolong the hurt and add to the mix…..this is what I got from reading your blog today and it has supported my awareness to allow myself to feel the hurt.
I agree Katie, I did not like how as a young girl growing up your body becomes sexualised. I hid my body under baggy clothing to avoid this and also put on a lot of weight. A lot of this has shifted and recently have been getting comments again from men about how attractive they find my body. Instead of reacting there have been times where I have pulled them up and shared that speaking about me in this way what not something that was okay with me. Some guys react and get angry some guys get more honest, one shared he thought that was what women like. It ended up being a great conversation that allowed us both to be more open and honest with each other.
Thank you for sharing your observations Kate. We have so much to learn from how we react or respond in any given moment.
That’s so true Mary Adler. Often when we react to a person or situation we start blaming them for how we feel, they go into defensiveness and no-one can grow from that scenario. However, if instead we see our reaction as an opportunity to deepen our awareness about ourselves then we can evolve. Best we know this and choose the latter option.
Clocking our reactions takes a certain level of awareness and then to address our reaction takes honesty and sometimes a little courage to go there. But the rewards are so worth it because once truth is told then truth expands, and the world becomes a lighter place.
Great point Sandra, and I have found the rewards are in fact the exact opposite of my fears.
Allowing our vulnerability is so precious it allows us to deepen our relationship with ourselves. In my experience expression from this place expands the love that I feel for myself and others.
Yes I would agree Elaine, at first it seems awkward and strange to allow yourself to feel vulnerable after your whole life making sure that you are ‘on top’ of life and nothing is an issue. So when we start to let go of this and engage with being vulnerable it is actually feels very open, warm and so natural… life becomes more real and you don’t feel like you have to put on an act.
I agree elainearthey, and I have also found that being open and honest and sharing with others when feelings of judgement and comparison come up in me expand this love too, as I know that these feelings aren’t me but in that moment I am choosing them, so better out than in and then everyone gets a healing too!
Sandra I too agree that there is a freedom that seems to come from being able to share feelings that are often kept hidden. When things like jealousy and comparison stay hidden, they appear to gain in strength, whereas when they are unearthed they seem to shrivel in the light.
This is an awesome blog – on reflection I can realise just how many times I have given a message to others which was not true, either by simply avoiding my vulnerability or even purposely by way of protecting. Feeling the quality of being in vulnerability feels so liberating and freeing in being able to just be yourself. Thank you Kate.
“on reflection I can realise just how many times I have given a message to others which was not true…” I can relate to this one Michael. There have been times when I have connected to something so awesome inside of me that it is beyond words, and this is how I know that the person that I have been all my life is not the true me, but a shadow of my true self. However, this true self has not gone anywhere, it is hiding under the layers of protection that I have set upon myself and made it about me, so like you say, if we allow our vulnerability to be seen it is not going to kill us, and you never know it may lead to a feeling of more love, not only for ourselves, but from everyone else around us too.
I have experienced the same and not trusted in this very moment being a great opportunity for all to deepen our relationship no matter whether we knew them or met them for the first time.
Yes I can relate to looking away from people as a behaviour of mine but on reading this noticing the impact that it has on others.
So true MW – in doing so we create the situation that we are trying to avoid.
MW, I have been on the receiving end of others not looking me in the eye, or glancing away quickly not being able to hold eye contact… it brings up feelings of rejection in me and very often I shrug it off, but at the same time I walk away feeling hurt. The world is a reflection is it not, so could it be that others lack of contact with me reflects back to me my lack of connection with myself, so the best way to engage others is to engage with myself.
Beautifully expressed Michael and I absolutely agree. Allowing ourselves to feel our vulnerability is incredibly liberating, and allows an openess and warmth that simply is not there when we use protection as a way of avoiding how we are really feeling.
A powerful sharing Kate, and it reminded me of an incident when I was young which I had not truly looked at for years. I always shied away from boys but swinging on a rope swing at camp several boys took turns jumping on and swinging with me. I felt recognised, however a friend gently told me later they were only jumping on so they could look down my top. I was devastated and can feel that mistrust with men is still there 40yrs later! How powerful is the impact of an incident on our lives if we aren’t communicating how we feel when we are hurt and vulnerable. Thank you for bringing this awareness Kate.
A reminder that any hurt always creates complications, misunderstandings, pain, issues, tensions in all our relationships including the one we have with ourselves. The expression of hurt although it is very real is never something that produces any true value for anyone and hence our collective responsibility to support each other to trust, surrender and heal them once and for all
“and hence our collective responsibility to support each other to trust, surrender and heal them once and for all”…true words Joshua, and the only way to go to build a world based on true love and harmony for all.
Allowing myself to feel vulnerable was something I would avoid at all costs. I would jump through hoops and turn myself into a pretzel to avoid it. Having discovered the loveliness of feeling vulnerable, its actual strength and how much it supports me to grow I am learning more and more to surrender in these moments and embrace what vulnerability offers.
Reading your description of these events Kate I see a picture of us all like flowers, and how when we go with our natural instincts we open up and truly blossom. Yes, there is a vulnerability in this, compared to being tightly bunched up, but wow what power and beauty well all bring. I for one choose today to be open in my own garden bed, brightening up the day, without being concerned about my petals being squished along the way.
Re visiting your sharing Kate I can see how even at my age, late 60s I can feel myself withdrawing at times from the gaze of others, especially men, fearing judgement. When in fact I am judging them! I had not truly realized this until now after reading your blog again.
Coming back to your beautiful blog this morning Kate was ever so timely as at this moment in time I am feeling very vulnerable and fragile. As I read I could feel the loving support that your words are holding me in, with these ones speaking so clearly to me: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” I can feel the gift, I welcome it and allow the unfolding, with no expectations and no desired outcomes but simply the healing that is possible.
If I feel in anyway to shy away from eye contact with another this is a great indication for me to keep feeling and connecting to this, not allowing old patterns to hide behind and step in and shrug that moment away. In those vulnerable moments it is a gift for us to keep feeling deeply, having that awareness without going into ‘self-bashing’ mode as all will become clear – when we clock exactly what is going on.
I had a moment like this in the gym yesterday and had a giggle as I thought of this blog. I could feel in a split second do I harden my body and shut off and protect or do I stay connected and open to myself and others around me, simply looking at each other and saying hi.
It’s amazing what happens when we make the conscious choice to remain open to people, I am finding that men blush and women often avoid eye contact. Too much light coming their way… but this is no excuse to hold back, I’ve spent too many years doing that already ~ time to shine 🙂 🙂
“I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man”. I have experienced this where I had not dealt with issues of fear and it kept me so protective that I was unable to meet another because of an internal fear. As I became more aware of it I have been able to deal with it.
Being vulnerable and letting myself be seen is a challenge I am constantly aware of. When you mentioned the possibility that the young man may feel rejected if you shut down and did not stay open to him, I too could feel how important it is to stay open and let people see us. Thank you Kate.
“If you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it. It was this wisdom and my choices that supported me. “- Kate I loved how your reclaimed your self worth and offered another a gift of love by meeting them instead of going into reaction due to your past hurts which may have led to the other reacting also e.g. feeling rejection. Then both of you would have been kept small. Great lesson and great reminder.
Kate, I realised that in shying away from my hurts and those vulnerabilities I feel I am denying myself the possibility of letting them go and the learning I can have from them. This is huge, it’s like we create no-go zones and in doing so we allow parts of us to stay unresolved and weakened by hurts when we don’t need to. Your awareness in that moment of the vulnerability and your dedication to feeling it and allowing yourself to meet another with us broke the hold of it and showed you that you are more than that hurt = we are constantly offered opportunities to evolve and let go our hurts in this way and embracing the learning with this allows us to deepen our relationship with us and who we truly are.
What great words of advice Kate…“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”… Thank you for sharing
Thank you Kate for sharing, I could really feel from your blog how we hold onto our hurts and unresolved issues and take them to other situations in our life with preconceived ideas that what happened to us once is going to happen to us again. I know I have done this many times and how I hold myself back and shrink away from the situation rather than being honest open and vulnerable and allowing the situation to unfold.
I can really relate to what you are saying Alison, there are just so many hurts, ones that we are not even aware that we are holding on to at times, that then impact on the choices we make. Whether that is with family, friends, work colleagues, partner or in my case this past week potential partner. What was exposed was how I was holding myself protected and not truly letting this person in because of my hurts from a past relationship. I have a lot more awareness about it now, feeling my hurts from that previous relationship was the only way to be able to open up more and bring more honesty, less protection and see where it goes.
What a great realisation raegankcairney, carrying the hurts from one relationship to another becomes a burden for both of you. Healing the hurts before moving on opens us up for more magic in our relationships.
“I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man.” This is such a good point Kate. We can easily take our hurts of what has happened in the past into our meeting with others which leaves our interactions tainted – how sad is this. Knowing this calls us to be super aware and our connection and noticing in what situations do we disconnect, knowing that in these situations there is healing to be done.
Thank you for sharing this Kate, I love how you could feel the old hurts and not deny or ignore them, just describe what actually happened in the past and how it made you feel, and nominate that the memory of the derogatory and sexual comments from years ago was still affecting how you were around men. You held yourself without letting your past spoil your present life, which is truly commendable and inspiring. I also feel if you were faced with a man who was looking at you with lewd intent you would be able to respond appropriately and let him know you are disappointed and even disgusted, but not hurt.
Thanks Kate, this situation happens on a daily basis between people and it’s lovely what you have shared here regarding the fears and the vulnerability we carry around with us and how we can project this onto others. We are essentially building a fortress of protection around us. But as your situation highlights, there is opportunity to learn and grow from these moments. However, is it not also important to be discerning of each situation and trust our feelings if we are being imposed upon or there is an energy we do not like?
Its great what you mention here Linda about trust to ‘trust our feelings’ and to discern the energy if we are being imposed upon. So often I have gone against this feeling – then along come regret that I did not truly listen to that deep inner knowing. Now its about (I feel) stepping up and moving forwards to learn and grow from those
moments/experiences.
Sometimes I have felt imposed upon but ignored those feelings and ‘gone and done it anyway….’. It has taken me a long time to trust my own feelings and I am still working on it, but the feeling I get from the many comments on this page is that having the awareness of our own behaviours and old pattern is the key to changing them…. forever.
Vulnerability is a great teacher of self love and helps us shed the many layers of protection we have. Thank you Kate for highlighting this so beautifully.
Accepting our vulnerabilities and protection, we are accepting ourselves deeper and the world too. The feeling is that everything drops into a place of surrender, as if we are a baby and from this tenderness, we grow.
It is beautiful that all encounters in life offer the gift of awareness, what we feel of the situation, of ourselves and of the other person(s). Even a moment of passing by someone, is not just a moment, as it offers so much we can learn and go deeper with ourselves and more understanding to everything in that one instant.
Thank you Kate for sharing your experience, I am amazed that a simple action of protection in the body can have a flow on effect of rejection to those we are interacting with. Seems that protection equals rejection.
In many moments of feeling vulnerable your blog comes to mind Kate. It served me well again recently as I put myself in a very vulnerable situation – through choice. I could of ‘shut down’ or ‘stayed open’. The first few raw seconds I felt myself start to runaway with my thoughts then for the briefest of moments I stood still. It was at that point I gave myself permission to really feel and I stayed open. Completely changing my body posture and the way in which I expressed my truth. The other person I know could feel this too. This really shares/shows how important blogs like this can impress and inspire another. Thank you.
There is a lot of healing and inspiration that comes from the open sharing with deep integrity and reverence for humanity displayed on this site.
Vulnerability is an ever-unfolding development for me. I’m still learning how much protection I hold within myself that I am not even aware of. A beautiful reread Kate Greenaway to remind me to be seen for all of me.. or almost; you still had your bathers on!
Self conscious moments may feel very uncomfortable but as you have shown us here Kate they can also be gateways to great learning and a freedom from behaviours that have not been supporting us to live in our fullness.
I like the practical but meaningful example you have shared Kate
A fine blog Kate Greenway, and one that has made me reflect as a man just how much we impose on women by the way we look a them.
How we deal with what feel makes such an enormous difference, when feel and allow them to be there we can heal and make another choice.
Thank you Kate, I feel this is something we can ALL learn from. What a precious moment to be open, to get out of our comfort zone and to realise that there is a strength within us that is greater than this ‘issue’. I can relate to many experiences of how amazing connecting to people is, compared to hiding and seperating out of protection (something I have done all too quickly in the past). Thank you with all of me, something to take into my new days “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” (From the Wise Woman)…We realise we are so much more than our issues.
Such an inspiration you have brought through this blog. Thank you. I will try to remember these words, next time I feel vulnerable and/or hurt. Amazing!
thank you, this is awesome and I really appreciate the detail you have gone into. I too can feel how I have let myself react in such situations and haven’t considered the impact on another. Many Men already have enough rejection issues as it is, and such choices in moments as you describe can make a massive impact. We affect each other every single day, in countless ways, and Kate has shown us how she chose to connect to her vulnerability and allow that feeling instead of squashing it. I love how she allowed the feeling to just be felt, and not buried. Thank you so much Kate.
My upbringing, my self-consciousness, my uneasiness meant that I would rarely meet men’ eyes. To me it meant possible danger, ridicule, judgment on their part. Kate’s blog highlight the fact that it is adding to the rejection men so often feel. I had allowed my own insecurities to dismiss others. I have come to feel the truth that every action and thought impacts on everyone around me.
Beautifully expressed Patricia. I love your honesty here, which helps to break down the protection we have built up because of our hurts. Thank you.
Your sharing is pure medicine for me. In the last years I also found out, that it is so precious to allow myself to be tender and vulnerable. And that this new sensitivity gives me a greater understanding of myself and the world around me, that is just awesome.
Beautiful Alex – inspiring to feel your commitment to staying with your true nature of tenderness, vulnerability and sensitivity.
“This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them.” I can so relate to this Kate…so many of my reactions around men have come from my own past hurts and have nothing to do with them right here, right now. How awful for them to be the recipients of something that doesn’t even involve them!
Very true Paula, and a game we play with many. In truth only a few people have truly hurt us yet we act as if the whole world has, shutting out and keeping everyone out. From Serge Benhayon I have learnt to let go of my hurts and stop projecting them onto to others. We miss out on so much when we box everyone as the same and see the world as a constant threat, not to mention how exhausting it is to live in protection.
What stands out for me the most here is the power of vulnerability, of how much can change from one moment of being vulnerable…and yet we can spend years hardening ourselves with layers of protection: one moment of vulnerability and the layers drop away! Very inspiring, thank you Kate.
Really true Paula, for me to. The power of vulnerability is counter intuitive, but so spot on when it comes to deepening relationships.
I notice how differently I feel about myself when I remember to walk to my full height. When I allow my thoughts and my doubts to take over I shrink in size and stoop. When I remind myself to come back to my full height and walk being present with myself there is no room for self doubt. A great reminder of the fact that if I change my body I can change my mind.
Allowing vulnerability allows us to be the real us.What you have shared helps me to appreciate what vulnerability has to offer in the way of healing our past choices/and choices I still make.
I agree Nicole – I have noticed that when I feel hurt I can react and lose my vulnerability and I know that this prevents me from staying with what is happening and the opportunity to expose the truth and re-imprint my choices in that situation.
Likewise Michael – If I react to a hurt and put my wall up I end up stomping all over everyone’s vulnerablity
Vulnerability: Having always felt it and never gave myself time to truly stop and feel it in its entirety. A consistent urge to run or hide and least of all confront it full on and welcome in this whole body/mind sensation. Vulnerability has opened many doors and opportunities to expand the gentle, tender woman in me to stay open and feeling to allow past experiences to unfold and heal. Your amazing sharing Kate brings me to appreciate what vulnerability has to offer in the way of healing our past choices/and choices I still make. Thank you.
When you speak of your body as a teenager and the attention you attracted because of your appearance I felt how awful this must have been to receive. Its one thing to not be seen for who you really are, but to be objectified as just a shape of flesh is another level of degradation altogether. What is interesting though is that the body you had as a teenager is the body that most women would be jealous of, and the attention you received from men, most women would have been jealous of too. I know this because I have been one of these jealous women.
Why did I want a body that was a greater target for objectification? and
Why did I want to attract the sleaze factor from men?
Neither of these questions make sense to me. There have been times when I have rejected myself so deeply that my measure of my worth has been based on the amount of attention and favour I have received from others. So it was the guaranteed attention (even though it was sleazy) I knew I would receive if I had such a body that I desperately wanted/needed. In this need I had been playing ball with the sleaziness that is truly awful to feel. It has been and continues to be a beautiful process of learning to accept all I have been part of while learning how to hold myself in love, respect and decency – to feel and allow a purity to return to my body.
Beautiful and honest sharing Abby, I know exactly what you are talking about. For me, I also sought attention from others, even if it was from men and it felt sleazy. It was still attention and gave me a sense of ‘wow I don’t want them, but they want me’ so feeding a truly unnatural feeling of self worth. There is so much more to us, when we are seeking that worthiness from outside of ourselves, that thirst never ever is quenched.
Learning to be vulnerable can be really a challenging thing. I know for me there has been so much time, energy and effort throughout my life to harden up, fit in, not show that I can be my tender self, especially when it comes to my body. There was growing up a great shame attached to my body, not a love or gentleness at all. I really didn’t like by body and that reflected in how I spoke to myself, which was very critical and judging, so didn’t leave much room for vulnerability. There is a definite difference in how I live now, but bringing that vulnerability is still a process and not quite a natural state of being just yet.
I agree Reagan. When we have lived a while not allowing this it takes time to re-learn how to allow our vulnerability and to express from there.
Kate I love this how letting yourself be vulnerable in a situation you would not normally allow yourself to be and how this is a blessing not just for yourself but for the other person also. We need to stop and ask ourselves why is it that we have got to a stage in society that it is not ‘approved’ where we can just let all our feelings come up and be expressed. That we don’t worry about what others will think or concerned that it will make them feel uncomfortable. To allow us to be who we are and this includes what comes up for us no matter what is going on. No hiding from it. Great to have this as a reminder Kate, thank you.
Kate I love this article, rather than shrinking away from our past hurts, if we are aware enough to observe them we are able to acknowledge and appreciate that they are not part of who we are today.
This is a truly beautiful sharing Kate and such a support. For so many of us suffer from the insecurities that come from vulnerable moments especially if past hurts are involved… so your choice, alongside what your friend offered you is of great wisdom for us all to learn from to. Feel the hurt or vulnerability and allow it to pass and stay open. Awesome.
This has also been my experience when I make the choice to stay open in situations where I feel vulnerable and feel the memories and feeling associated with these memories have held in my body for many years is a very powerful and healing that allows me to reconnect with my authentic self and feel safe while experiencing vulnerability.
Today I was in the swimming pool and there was a woman assisting another (elderly) woman that couldn’t hear and see. They communicated with their hands touching each other and when walking they held each other. Normally I wouldn’t really know how to be with this and would go into my head. This time I choose to observe and felt how deeply touched I was between the intimate bond there was between these two women. I appreciated the woman on supporting the elderly woman and when I expressed, I could feel how deeply touched I really was by what was happening in front of my eyes. As I was with 2 children of 4 who were playing with the people in the whirlpool by throwing water over their heads, I asked the woman if the eldery woman also would like to have some water over her head and being part of the ‘game’. She said yes and what happened was beautiful. Two children being shy and starting to poor water over the woman hair and head. She enjoyed it very much I could tell by the smile on her face. How appreciation and allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable creates such a difference.
A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. It was this wisdom and my choices that supported me in those moments and allowed me to feel in my body how true her words were. I absolutely agree with that very wise woman Kate thank you for sharing.
Margaret this has also been my experience, by giving myself the gift of feeling my vulnerability actually helps with life’s situation, whereas for years I had trained myself to block them out and not feel at any cost. It just goes to show what a big fat lie protecting ourselves is.
. It sure is a big fat lie to use protection Julie. The hardness and dis- harmony in my body is a direct result of me trying to shut the world out to protect myself. I use this behaviour very seldom these day choosing to feel vunerable which allows my underlying hurts surface and release the hardness from my body as I feel the strength within my tenderness.
Reflecting on what you have shared Kate has reminded me of the times I have chosen to feel all the moments that were uncomfortable or painful and how they do pass quite quickly once they have been acknowledged. I understand now how we can without realising it attract situations and experiences into our lives that we don’t want just through the power of avoidance or fear, hence ‘creating’ our lives.
I have experienced a similar thing, when the body is given center stage in a situation so much is learnt once the initial shock of emotions have left. That disturbance is disturbing but short lived. And if we hold onto previous moments and attach them onto our current moments we completely ignore the growth that has occured since that initial unresolved issue. Thank you Kate and CH.
Beautifully said Leigh.
Beautifully expressed, Kate, how we are responsible for the diminishing of ourselves and not by what is done to us.
How many of this kind of moments do we have daily or weekly? How many of us are conscious that we choose constantly how much do we share of ourselves with the others? This way of phrasing the question is important. It was phrased from the assumption that what we have to share is worth it and that sharing is also good for the others
Eduardo what you have written is really important. I will now be asking myself this question: how much of myself am I sharing with others because with it I get to feel that who I am is worth sharing. Thank you.
This is such a great question to go into each and every day. How much of ourselves we share with others is really up to us, but understand that when we are shut off from people, they feel this and they respond accordingly. Whereas when we are open, the equally feel that, as you are saying, we are worth sharing!!
Yes beautifully expressed Eduardo. How many of us are conscious that we choose constantly how much do we share of ourselves with the others? Yes when we use a measure of how much we allow ourselves to be seen by certain people only hinders love and growth. It is felt by all. Our love is precious and worth sharing with everyone.
Awesome question Eduardo. Sharing ourselves with others is powerful as the confirmation and reflection that is offered always goes two ways. Everyone is confirmed and it immediately says that sharing from our hearts expands and grows us all.
Thank you Kate – reading your sharing again today has really highlighted for me that to experience ‘vulnerability’ is not a ‘bad thing’ but to appreciate that our bodies can still carry those memories of past long held patterns that do not however, serve us or those we meet in our daily lives. Most of all to honour that and to keep feeling and allowing and gradually as you share to take back responsibility to ‘choose’ to stay open to others – then this becomes more of the natural flow, with no more hiding.
A vulnerable moment for me is something so tender and intimate. I have spent my life in hardness, keeping people out and then feeling hurt that no one loved me. Of course, what I was really doing was that I did not love myself… as I begin to love myself more, when I have a vulnerable moment it feels so lovely it sometimes moves me to tears, and now I want to share these vulnerable moments that have kept securely hidden beneath all those layers of protection, and I will begin by accepting how fragile and delicate I am and not the hard ‘ice queen’ that I believed I was!
I love this blog. I know very well the feeling of wanting to shrink and hide when I walk past certain people, especially in situations like this one. This is a great reminder of the responsibility we have to not shrink and not hide, and to not allow our own stuff to get in the way of being open to others.
I agree, Rebecca, the sharing of Kate is inspiring in order not to shrink and stay open towards humnaity .
Great points Rebecca
Thank you Kate for a beautiful reminder to stay open, wise words, “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. It was this wisdom and my choices that supported me. “
The words are definitely wise, “to stay open and allow oneself to feel that vulnerability and grow from that moment.” Something that I am allowing myself to feel, as for so long I have walked around in the control and coping mechanism.
It is the hurt and vulnerability that we don’t want to feel. If we choose not to feel it then it puts us into hardness. I am beginning to be more aware of this feeling in my body so when a situation arises and I begin to feel tension or hardness build up I bring myself back to my body, hold my head up, stand tall, drop my shoulders and remain open. It is amazing the effect doing this has, compared to when I was younger and walked around with my head down, watching the ground wishing it would swallow me up because I was afraid someone would see me. Now it is me that wants to make eye contact with others, and if they choose not to go there I am content just being with me.
Sandra, concerning the hurt and vulnerability, this rings familiar to me. Hardening is one of my patterns I so easily go into and hide behind judgements etc. To heal this pattern which is keeping me in separation it is great to understand my body language and to allow myself to surrender into my body, feel the hurt or pain and stay open.
The crazy thing is that when we do open up that hurt does pass. The whole perception that the hurt is too big or too scary is a complete lie. Also that ‘not wanting to feel the hurt because we have been hurt before seems to come with a smallest – it reduces us to this thing that has to defend, protect and hide when in fact the only thing that is being defended and protected is the choice to hurt ourselves in the first place – it’s protecting a pride that doesn’t want to admit the choice/s that led to being hurt. All of this gets broken down the more we focus on the body like you’ve shared Sandra.
‘The truth that a woman belongs to herself – first, is the most intrinsic, innate truth and natural law’ – very powerful Shannon.
A way of thinking that does not necessarily come naturally to most women and yet it is everything that a women needs to be developing.
I agree Amina, but there are so many layers between how women perceive themselves to be and who they truly are that it will take quite a while to make that shift, being deeply entrenched in ideals and beliefs and society’s dictates. We have made a choice to deny our innate sacredness, but choices can be undone and sites like Women In Livingness are super supportive and bring into the awareness of women that there is another way to be that is so much more glorious than what we are living at the moment. Then living in our natural, true essence way will be the norm.
Well said amunatumi! It may not appear to come naturally and we may need to redevelop that trust and connection with ourselves and yet, when we connect to our vulnerability, it is in fact the most natural thing in the world.
So true Jenny James, and it is also very empowering, knowing that we need not be at the beck and call of others, and it is okay to love, cherish and nurture ourselves first, we deserve it. And at the end of the day, if we come back to love, then so do our loved ones, as who can resist a true woman who is living in her essence and shining like a beacon in the darkness 🙂
I am really learning this and also learning that I need to support some men to understand this too.
“I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body. I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture).” This is a great sharing Kate. I know for myself it’s easy to harden and deny vulnerability which then affects how I communicate to others, often in a shutting down or defensive form. Allowing vulnerability allows us to be the real us.
Great sharing about how unresolved issues can pop up in any moment and how important it is to live with absolute awareness to tackle them right away and deepen our healing.
I have been really experiencing what it is like to let myself feel and be vulnerable lately, it hasnt been very easy, so what you have written here Kate is so timely, I thank you for it.
A great blog Kate Greenaway and I just re-read it and it makes a lot of sense especially this bit –
“I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man.” I really get it and it is so important if we are to be real and honest with ourselves we need to deal with our ugly stuff – these unresolved issues.
I realise that what is always in the way is a hurt of some kind and it may not surface unless I pay close attention to my body and see how it responds in any situation and then question it so I don’t override it for another time and bury a grand opportunity that was presented to heal some buried hurt.
I am now at the stage where I ask myself when I am out walking on my own – what are my buried hurts that need to be healed. Have to say a bit surprised at what pops in and how fast. Its like God was just waiting to dropbox the file and all I did was ask.
I can vouch for the wisdom of the woman’s words: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” – its the absolute truth.
I understood that i avoided feeling my hurts or been vulnerable most of my live. As i young teenager i decided not to feel anymore which is not really possible. But i have developed many different ways of numbing with drinks or food, activity or way how to be protected and guarded and shut physically. Which is a way of not honoring what i feel and overriding what my body needs and tells me. So in fact i hurt myself so that others don’t hurt me. This is a very old pattern and nothing which is really needed and true anymore as i have transformed my life in so many ways so now the beautiful women that i am can live and express her love and allow intimacy in my relationships with others. And it all begins with expression and communication.
I love the way you express the blatant and incredibly honest absurdity about how we hurt ourselves to stop being hurt by others. A brilliant awareness Janina and one really worth exploring the ins and outs of for anyone who wants to jump of their self-destructive merry-go-round.
When finishing my last comment I realised it is the innocence of the connection to my soul that can guide me safely through any situation. I travelled alone in India for nearly one year in my early 20’s. Travelling in India taught me a lot about myself and my inner connection from the moment I left Australia. It was the first time I had to truly rely on myself to navigate my way and Wow a white women traveling alone in India is considered a highly sexual object to men. I became instantly aware of this and dropped my western clothing for baggy Punjab’s so I was not breaking customs and felt less noticeable. However the one thing that allowed me to remain held and did not feed the sexual energy that was constantly projected towards me was my connection to God. I felt very innocent, like a delicate flower and I had to really allow my heart to navigate as my head had no idea when it came to this unfamiliar culture. There are many people that will tell you a story or offer a ride in the taxi and it is really important to allow that inner wisdom to be your guide and feel if its safe to travel with that person or not. In India I learnt to connect more and more with my heart then with my head and in this way I felt the innocence of who I am with a felling of strength despite the delicateness I felt within .When I offered this to others, by simply being that myself I realised it disabled the sexual motivation of some men and instead they became protective and caring not wanting to take from me but rather to give and protect my safety.
Traveling India taught me a lot about being myself.
Great blog Kate, a much needed sharing.
I can very much relate to what you shared about your childhood. I too would shrink at male sexualised attention and choose to wear baggy, male orientated shirts and big boots to appear less attractive and a bit tough.
It is still a bit of a challenge for me when a man looks me up and down, however I am much more aware of my reaction too this now and at times even if I feel a sexual desire from a man on the street I will do my best to stay open with the knowing that, at that moment to reflect love rather then contraction is a gift for us both. I am also aware that in my openness I am less likely to take anything on and can walk by with the innocence of my soul.
Kate, I have just re-read your blog and love how you have explained the simplicity of the choice we have in shrinking away or from allowing ourselves to stay vulnerable. And what I also love is the lack of judgement that you bring to yourself, the total understanding and support in knowing that there is still stuff for you to heal yet it does not mean that you have to harden and hide – that it is about letting yourself feel the hurt that lies underneath and then making the choice to be differently with it. Awesome and timely blog for me to read this morning as I sit here feeling a hurt that wants me to curl up and avoid another instead of just being vulnerable and open connecting with understanding. Thank you Kate!.
Do you know Kate, I don’t swim because I can’t bear to consider myself in a swimsuit! Reading your blog I can see how absurd that is because I dearly love to swim, I love water and always have but the vulnerability of being so exposed… now that clearly still doesn’t sit well! the message you share about the effect your shrinking would have had on another has really struck me, as our shrinking really does not just affect ourselves, it affects others because we don’t authentically bring all of ourselves to every situation. I wouldn’t have known it was still there without reading your blog so thank you Kate for sharing.
It’s funny how we can totally change how we are feeling around another when we bring in other things/thoughts. Not seeing that this situation is not asking anything of me unless I make it so and that all I have to do is be me, then everyone is left to just be their lovely selves. A very lovely sharing Kate.
I love being on this unfolding path where we experience events in our life that at first feel uncomfortable and vulnerable but if we are open to feeling the truth of a situation, despite what it can trigger, we can truly heal and let go of long held patterns and behaviours that are destructive to ourselves and put a protective wall up to others. It’s amazing to have the strength and honesty to take a situation and feel into what is truly going on and to work through what needs to be worked through to evolve. I love that life presented a moment of confirmation by having this scenario play out again and being able to feel more solid and claimed in this. Awesome.
I am too open when it comes to passing men in my swimmers, I seem to give them the wrong idea, I do the same warm smile with woman and I have given a few of them the wrong idea as well, haha. I have two theories I look too good in swimmers and so anything I do is misread, I am totally joking or theory two: I am figuring out the fine line of being open and vulnerable but un-suggestive and contained and that comes with being sensitive to each situation and not taking a blanket approach. What I have realised is that at times no eye contact is what is required.
I love your article Kate, its sweet,vulnerable and endearing. I love that you have started this swimmer conversation as its one I feel many woman will relate to.
Yes I love this swimmer conversation as well as I feel we can all relate to it. I can still feel uncomfortable being in my swimmers around men although It has changed a lot. But it is still in my body and I can still feel insecure and/or fragile. Like Kate shares, it is good to feel it and be with it. That is for instance why I don’t like crowded sauna’s, as everybody is just staring at each other’s bodies.
I think its also very awesome (and inspiring) that you allowed the gentleman to see you in your fragility and how powerful this is also.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
I have been learning this lately too Kate and it is so incredible. To allow myself to be vulnerable and or fragile, and in front of others if that is how I feel. Its so much more real and freeing, and I don’’t have to let things build up anymore. I find it also asks others to take more care and responsibility in the way they operate.
Great example of an opportunity re -presenting in your life Kate. Something I am very aware of is how I often beat myself up when I miss an opportunity to deal with a past hurt or hold back in any way it hurts my body more and more these days. I am constantly deepening my loving connection to myself and allowing myself to feel the true power and strength in feeling vulnerable and fragile. I love the feeling of old hurts clearing from my body allowing even more spaciousness, light and love in.
So beautiful in what you have shared here Margaret, it is so easy to go down the beating ourselves up path, but it as you say any holding back hurts our bodies. It is all in the connection, connecting with ourselves, that true strength, power and love within.
I can relate Marg. There is great power behind feeling our vulnerability and fragility. Having the honesty to truly look at these moments creates the opportunity to heal long held hurts in the body and as you say, allows for more space to let love in. Beautiful.
I’ve now got to a point where I trust moments that don’t always feel so great cause I now know I will learn so much if I can sit with what is the lesson and how I can evolve from this opportunity.
Thank you Kate for writing about the healing power of vulnerability. I was inspired by your willingness to feel vulnerable, and also your understanding about where your discomfort originated as a young woman feeling hurt by stares and comments. Your blog shows me that allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable allows for healing of old hurts so that we can let others in with a smile or words of greeting.
” I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man. This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them.“
Thank you Kate for sharing this with us. It is amazing once we become aware of our hurts and can let them go so we are able to become tender and open again and to truly connect lovingly in relationships especially with men, but also women.
It’s so true what you say, how others wear whatever is going on for us whether they like it or not. How often a comment or gesture is misunderstood by another. If we went about our day in the humbleness of who we are others would not be met by our protection first.
It was great to re-read this beautiful sharing Kate. I can so relate to this, and me too, I’m choosing to stay open more and more, observing my, sometimes more, and sometimes less subtle reactions to coming across somebody. I appreciate what you have shared, which gives me a guidance of how to just keep observing, and allowing, and opening, knowing there is no need to protect myself if I am being all of me.
Thank you Kate, magic ! This example can change your whole life, for any one. This raw example , I have felt, probably many many , and than with the sentence: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” , we can actually start to see where we are having unresolved issues hanging and knowing that we can let go now. Answer to all missery !
These revelations are gifts from the body to alert us to pockets of hurt we are still holding onto. How valuable as we often have blind spots when it comes to our own issues.
What’s so cool about this path is that if we miss one opportunity or alert, it will soon present itself again for us to learn from.
That is something we know for sure Tracy if we miss an opportunity or alert the opportunity will certainly present its self again and again until we get it which is not always a pleasant experience. This highlights the importance of taking responsibility to be present and aware every moment so we don’t miss opportunities to heal and grow.
It most certainly isn’t pleasant and what isn’t pleasant is the wayward behaviour that was being chosen that led to the stop in the first place. If we had taken responsibility in the first place and not delayed our evolution we could have avoided an outcome that we generally don’t like to feel. Humanity has been doing this for a very long time and it’s time for a new way of being with ourselves to unfold.
Kate, realising that you had the choice to stay open or close up puts the responsibility with you and takes the blame off anyone else. I love reading this blog about your intimate connection with your body and what it is telling you. It shows that we are all being informed every moment by cues from our body which seem very subtle at first but become louder the more we tune in and are prepared to stop and listen.
Yes, we are being spoken to all the time by our body, it is then up to us to listen, this is so empowering
Reading your blog Kate left me with such a lovely feeling of how your own naturally gorgeous vulnerable self was allowed to be just that with nothing brought in. What a lovely exchange for both of you.
It struck me reading your blog Kate that not allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable does bring unnecessary complexities into our lives. There is the effort put into avoiding the feeling at the time as well as to avoid what we fear might be lurking underneath, not the mention the effect on the other person. You’re right – the alternative of allowing ourselves to feel what is there in the moment not only heals – it also takes much less time and effort than dealing with the consequences of shutting ourselves down.
Wow, that is very powerful, what you express about Kate’s blog Gilesch – not allowing our vulnerability creates complexity – ouch. I wasn’t aware of that and as Kate is saying “how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person” – another ouch.
Such a revelation to me Kate. It has expanded my awareness of how our past/past lives keep playing out in our current moment. It is by our choice to go with the old pattern as it comes up. You have clearly proven that it is a choice made in the moment, something so simple. Thank you for sharing
The protection comes from the unresolved hurts we cary in our bodies and are triggered in any instance we remember from these past events although they are completely different in time and actual situation. This is the beauty of life that when being present with ourselves we can notice these instances and are given the opportunity to heal these old hurts instantly by taking the self-responsibility to stay open and connected to ourselves and the other persons we meet. These experiences do heal these sometime age-old wounds and allow us to be tender and vulnerable again, the true nature of our being.
Thank you Kate, so beautiful, a wonderful reminder of the power of vulnerability, which can be a feeling of nakedness when we are so used to dressing ourselves in protection ,an age old impediment to us truly connecting with one another.
If we are all doing this – walking around protected so that we don’t feel our hurts then what are we relating to… it’s like we are just bouncing off each others’ walls and I love that Kate reminds us how this can impact not only ourselves but others. This brings responsibility to not only what we say, but how we move and ultimately our choice to self-love.. or not.
Vulnerability is something I have always avoided feeling by hardening and getting angry in the past. In actual fact when I allow myself to feel the strength in the feeling of the raw nakedness vulnerable there is an amazing strength that comes with it.
I have been much the same Margaret, trusting that strength has been where I trip up. Thank you for your words, they resinate deeply with me.
Thank you for sharing your experience with being vulnerable Kate. I have been letting myself feel this a lot more recently and I can’t believe what a challenge I am finding it to be! I did not realise I was still holding on to so many layers of protection and in so, holding so many layers of past hurts that I have not chosen to deal with and let go of. By allowing myself to feel vulnerable and letting people see me feel sad, wobbly and even crying, I realise I am really letting them in and letting them see the true me without all the shields and masks. And even though I may “think” it is challenging, it actually feels amazing and is so much easier than staying in the hardness.
Such perfect reading for me today Kate. This morning it was revealed to a group that we had taken a wrong turn, and were placing our focus in the wrong place. I was part of the decision makers that influenced that turn. I felt so vulnerable in that moment. Normally I attack myself, get furious with myself for getting it ‘wrong’, and then go on to feel stupid and exposed. It would have been so easy to go there. Instead I allowed myself to feel my vulnerability, and see the great lesson we all have been offered. I also got to appreciate the immense love in this group. I would never have appreciated that if I had got lost in berating myself. The lesson and the love would have been missed altogether.
What I get feel from this blog is what we can be aware of about ourselves in any given moment, especially in a situation where we know we would usually hide or have some other sort of reaction. The uncomfortable feeling I get is the affect I have had on so many women in my life, by the way I have looked at them. This creepy energy of looking at a woman as only a body is common among men, for me, it is clear that it stems from the use and proliferation of porn. Being able to read your blog Kate, it shows the other side of what so many men do and the harm that is caused to especially young women all over the world.
Thanks for sharing your vulnerable moment Kate. It brings up a lot to be looked at and healed – both past and present.
Awesome to have a re read of this blog again, always a fantastic reminder to go deeper in my relationship with myself and accepting how incredible I am. I love this sentence – ‘I had a greater appreciation of myself in that moment, and in my growing strength to choose to stay open to others, no matter what the situation.’ – Something that I am continually working on and deepening.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. I began to practice this in my life only a few months ago after I realised that when I feel hurt inside I would harden up and keep people out – and I could keep people out for a long time. It is so easy now, to just stop and relax the body and my heart and allow the hurt inside to pass – which is always does. Then at the end, I’m not left with the ‘story’ but with the wisdom of what the situation was really about; what it was showing me. Such a subtle change, but how powerful it is. Working with the body rather than against it. Thank you Kate for much has been felt from your sharing.
I relate to that too Geraldine – “…I realised that when I feel hurt inside I would harden up and keep people out.” I workrd on this as well, and the more I am now in acceptance and love of myself and my body, the less this occurs. And if it does, I can nowadays feel it straight away and make a different choice in that moment.
On re reading your blog Kate, I could really relate to that wanting to shut down, and avoid eye contact and then how that must feel for the other person. I have often done this, and never thought of how this must feel for them. I have done this often and felt sad that I had missed an opportunity to connect or even say hello to someone.
I have also been on the other side of the story, that is when someone has come towards me and then avoided eye contact at all costs…. and yes, I have taken that as rejection.
What I really liked is how you wrote that it had nothing to do with them, but all to do with your own hurts that on some level you were still carrying with you since you were a teenager. Knowing this brings so much more understanding to the situation.
Love the way you cover all angles Rosie – a much needed reminder for me to consider things in full.
Hi Kate, for me it feels lovely that you choose to stand with your vulnerability and be open about it in that moment.
Love Geraldine
I’ve just re-read this Beautiful blog. I only recently start accepting my vulnerability in moments. I’ve always be very strict and rigid on myself, saying that ‘I shouldn’t take things personal’. Where in fact I allready took it personal. I am re-learning and accepting that I have a choice in every situation to express whatever I feel or withdraw in my head (which was a very strong pattern and it still is there). There’s been 2 experiences recently where I clearly chose to not withdraw but instead showing the sadness that I felt. Yes, I took it personal, but yes I was real and that feels far more Great than being nice and polite and acting like nothing can touch me. The last strategy has actually left me feeling very lonely in the world. And what I notice that if I’m real that the one I’m real to, also is offered a possibility to learn what their choices have led to. Thank you Kate for sharing so honestly and openly.
Reblogged this on florisvanderschot's Blog.
Kate, a lovely sharing in this blog for us all. I especially relate to your words “all of a sudden I was feeling extremely vulnerable – my body went into an old pattern of pulling my shoulders inwards and caving my chest in”. Yes I can really remember this reaction, especially when I was younger. I was brought up in the era that you did not expose yourself, did not show off your breasts, even in a fitting dress or jumper. I feel it contributed to developing a fear of showing yourself off, especially with men around. It certainly contributed to the hiding that I did from anyone, especially men, I felt very vulnerable. I have got to the point now, many years later, where I love to wear a fitting dress, it feels so beautifully feminine and the vulnerability is no longer something to be afraid of, but to be enjoyed. Still working on the protection that I built in my body, but those shoulders are gradually opening more and more. I can feel the delicate love there, between those shoulders and that is to be shared with all.
Great blog Kate. I love how when the opportunity was re-presented to feel your venerability by staying true to yourself you seized the moment, stay with yourself and continue walking with full presents. What a healing moment for you.
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It is interesting how we push others away and shut them out when all along the issue is within ourselves. Thank you Kate, for sharing how it is our responsibility to look at ourselves first, feel our vulnerability and let people in., without judgement.
Sandra, feeling our vulnerability and let people in, without judgement .l just felt that
Instead of judging, keeping people out and hardening.
Kate every time I read this blog I get delivered another healing that I had not even considered was an issue. This morning I saw myself as a 16 year old girl at the beach walking past a group of boys standing together, and feeling my uncomfortableness in myself. It was not anything about the boys, I had judged myself before I even got there. I realised that this is something that I have done all my life. and how this has not allowed me to stay open to others by judging me first and then judging others as well
keeping a distance so that I wouldn’t get hurt.
Denise, I can also remember that reaction of self-consciousness in myself when I passed by boys in a swim suit at the beach, and I now realise I too was judging myself. This has been quite a pattern over my life, I always judged myself as lacking in something, always feeling less than other more confident outgoing girls.
So true for me also Denise and I bet almost every woman can recall similar feelings from her sensitive and vunerable teenage years.
So true Denise, i observe this so acutely in teenagers as they make apologies for their bodies by pulling a t-shirt down or adjusting their swim suit – indeed this takes me back to my reluctant acceptance of the huge changes that were happening in my body.
This is a great point that although not a woman and maybe having not been in that sort of situation before I can still equally relate to, that the uncomfortableness that can be felt always stems from the fact that first I am judging myself and then I simply feel uncomfortable until someone actively changes my mind otherwise I just feel re-affirmed that however I feel about myself is true, rather than coming from a different point of valuing and confirming how I feel about myself before considering others opinions on me
t’s so powerful to be able to stop and feel the contraction. what a healing moment for both of you. Thank you Kate for sharing.
Yes I agree Natalie. The “stop and feel technique” is so wonderful. It gives me the opportunity to reconnect myself to me. To check where I’m at at any given moment in time.
Kate what you have shared is so precious: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. I know what that feels like. To live like this in our day would be so healing – I will remember your words today as I go about my activities with the willingness to be Open and vulnerable. Indeed we learn and gain much understanding from these moments – moments of evolution.
This is so true Donna, its key for us to have a willingness to be open and vulnerable. This is what creates the doorway to feel our hurts, but also to understand more about ourselves. Very beautiful.
Every moment is a moment of evolution if we are open to it, and I agree, being open to our vulnerabilities can lead to great healing, and for me it is allowing myself to feel what I have not wanted to feel in the past, and acknowledging that it is OK to feel fragile and vulnerable and not put up a wall of defence that ultimately keeps people away, which then keeps ourselves from re-discovering the love that we are.
Kate, this is a lovely reflection. To stop and feel the hurt, and not loose myself in the moment.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” – this is so true Kate and your sharing was a great example. I find that often when I feel vulnerable I go into protection mode rather than just allowing the vulnerability to be and to feel the gifts it may bring. I can feel that you received a gift in the appreciation of your vulnerable moment.
Isn’t that so beautiful Anne…it passes. Yet in protection we hold on to it, even for years. And we miss the gift.
I also love Kat’e consideration of the younger man, the potential for him to feel rejected and adopt his own protection.
Vulnerability is gift to so many people, not just ourselves.
This is amazing Rachel “Vulnerability is gift to so many people, not just ourselves.” Just coming back from two singing and expression workshops with Chris James. He supported us to connect with our tenderness and vulnerability to to sing from our hearts and without a mask facing men and men facing women. This experience was deeply healing. To allow my tender and sweet essence be expressed, felt and seen by men. At time with tears in my eyes… And i could see that men and women are equally tender, so beautiful.
Thanks for clarifying the point that protection makes us hold on to the hurt – we identify with it and build even our personality around it until we think that it is who we are.
If we do not deal with our hurts then they can arise in other situations, like your example Kate, and we react when they actually have nothing to do with that moment. It was great that you had enough awareness to know that this was a past hurt and not take it into the present situation, thus being able to stay open to this man and both of you received a healing.
Yes Mary Louise the past hurts coming back to haunt our actions in the presents stops people getting to know us and the changes we have made to be more open with everyone you meet.
That is true, when we do not deal with our hurts, they can creep up in situations when we least expect it, and we can go into reaction. I experienced this today with someone close to me. There was buried hurts not shared by both of us and something small become so big. The good thing was we both where honest enough to be open to our hurts and shared what was really hurting, which allowed us both to share a tear and allow each other space to be vulnerable and honour that vulnerability. We both felt lighter in sharing and being honest.
So true Mary Louise, as long as we haven’t dealt with our unresolved issues, they can pop up at any time, also in situations, when we don’t have time to deal with them.
This is a very tenderly inspirational blog Kate. Moments, simple encounters, are so precious and are always there to lead us to more love and connection. If we allow ourselves the presence to observe their significance, to be vulnerable, to feel the depth of what is being presented, miraculous things can happen. As old hurts are cleared from my body I feel a light, open, spaciousness replace them…joy
Love your comment Barbara – you have expressed what I felt when reading Kate’s blog.
Beautiful comment Barbara. It is like we are held in these moments with absolute spaciousness. We can learn and heal so much, if we so choose to embrace them. If we miss that opportunity another one will always be there to greet us warmly.
Beautifully said Barabra, and agree totally that as we clear old hurts from our bodies there is more space for the love and joy that we are!
Hi Kate, I love that this moment came around again for you – an opportunity to bring more of yourself to that situation and feel the difference of the moment based on how you choose to be.
It shows we continuously are presented with moments to be all of us.
I agree hvmorden. There is always a moment to come back feel who you are without room for doubt and present this to another. Kate’s sharing celebrates just this and why allowing ourselves to become vulnerable is part of our innate beauty in being a women.
Yes I agree. Its like being given the grace to practice and lay solid foundations.
Allowing myself to feel my vulnerability means letting go of the hardness and protection I put around myself, recognising this, and letting people in is the first step in connecting to my essence and honouring myself as a woman.
I make a similar experience at the moment, not in regards to gender but vulnerability, where to allow the nakedness and rawness of the moment instead of retreating into the familiar protection mechanism. It is not very comfortable but nevertheless feels honest and more open to people, and I already can feel the deep healing that takes place and prepares the space to be fully claimed and open in life not just with my vulnerability but with the unconditional love, grace and power that otherwise will be again and again sabotaged by defensive autopilot mechanisms.
I can equally relate to this Alex, it was only today when I had the opportunity to shrink away and contract myself but rather made the choice to claim who I am, come what may and walk with the power and sensitivity that I am
Well done Oliver. Empowering isn’t it when we start to claim ourselves and speak our truth, life begins to flow with ease and any hurdles that we put up in front of ourselves magically begin to disappear.
I love it Oliver, young men like yourself walking with the power and sensitivity you are.
The daily victory over ‘that what we are not and wants us to keep less than the glory we are’ by a self-loving NO to it and a self-empowering YES to yourself.
Very beautiful what you say here Alex, with allowing the nakedness and rawness of the moment instead of retreating into protection, and how this allows you to also connect with the unconditional love, grace and power that is there, always, ready for us to re-connect to.
Defensive autopilot mechanisms…we all know those and how beautiful to choose otherwise and really feel ourselves and life, very healing indeed.
Yes Alex so well expressed, there is all these qualities of vulnerability, grace, power, love and honesty all brought in one moment of just looking into another’s eyes and honouring them as much as we choose to honour ourselves.
Thank you Kate this is such a wise blog bringing awareness to so many behaviours and patterns I can feel from life and everyday situations and i so love the sharing from a very wise women “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. This speaks wonders and offers a lot to see and to allow oneself to be fully open to others .A Beautiful sharing .
A very empowering story. Thank you for sharing Kate
This is such a lovely open ad honest Blog about a very vulnerable moment. For me it highlights how much past experiences can impact current experiences and relationships if we don’t take the time to stop and deal with them.
It is so freeing to realize how much influence we have allowed our hurts to have in our lives. Facing them and healing them is the most incredibly freeing experience.
A wise blog, with wise words shared. I am feeling this to be true, to be willing to feel what ever comes, is an empowering activity. I used to try and numb myself or ignore what I felt, but I am learning that there is true power in honouring what I feel.
It is a wise blog Samantha, like you I used to try and numb myself, and am now choosing to feel what is there to be felt, like in Kate’s beautiful example, ‘I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body. I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person’, so much awareness gained by allowing ourselves to feel our vulnerability.
Oh I so know those shrinking moments Kate. Thank you for sharing the wisdom that came with being open to feel what being vulnerable was showing you.
I know I would still feel quite raw and exposed if walking around in my bathers, if I was honest. next time I’m going to explore what its like to be in that situation, and what I actually feel.
its amazing how we change our bodies in different situations. I know By opening my chest i feel a lot different to when its closed off. I noticed the other day when I was walking around Uni that I hadn’t been walking with a fully open chest so i decided to start and walk more expressively. This opened me up to the possibility that others were walking around also with a closed off stance, almost with the need to defend themselves.
Great blog Kate, I can really relate to having felt this before and the feeling of wanting to shrink and not be seen. I really like what that young woman said to you;
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”
That’s so supportive to know.
Feeling vulnerable is not what we have been brought up to feel. Certainly not to feel comfortable to ‘go there’. We have been taught to harden up and put on a brave face. Not to surrender and allow yourself to feel what is there to be felt. I love how did just allow yourself to feel vulnerable in that moment Kate, knowing you were going to be looked at by a man, when you were in a swim suit. A moment that i personally would find challenging, so to keep yourself really open, consciously doing that was really inspiring. You could extrapolate that experience to any where you feel yourself potentially shutting down to others.
Every situation we encounter each day gives us an opportunity to connect with others, or not. I have spent a lot of my life staying ‘safe’ or so I thought, looking down as I walk past people etc. As I have built my self-worth I can now, by staying with me, look out and connect so much more and this giving and receiving feels beautiful.
It’s quite amazing how much we can actually learn form such a simple, ordinary experience such a s walking past someone. And if we choose to be honest and look at the way we interact – how much we can learn about ourselves from such a seemingly small and unimportant interaction – can be life changing.
I agree, there is so much to learn in all of lifes simple situations.
Such a confirming story Kate because I know that if I walk past someone and I’m not met by them I automatically feel rejected whereas you’ve clearly shown that this isn’t the case. This is an issue for me to deal with but it just shows the responsibility that we have for the impress that we make when we walk and how much we can share with our eyes and even more when we smile.
Yes Michael I feel the responsibility I have for the impress as you say and I have noticed when I am sharing a smile from my fullness I feel and instant connection when our eyes meet. It’s very powerful .
I love what you share Kate on staying with the vulnerable feeling. The wisdom that you share: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. While I may wobble a little inside when I do feel vulnerable I’m going to wobble with a greater appreciation, understanding and acceptance that it is a gift, one to be celebrated not berated.
What a lovely post Kate, one that I feel would have been sometime ago now. Im sure the same solid foundation is still as strong in you from this moment onwards. For me, staying true in my vulnerability feels like its going to be the most god awful horrible thing to do but when and if i stay with it it does wash over me and heal something so deep within me that I too have noticed strength from these times. AND its not actually even that bad. I find that I work myself up for it to be really horrible, whatever it is, but again when and if I stick to it is quite lovely and innocent.
Kate your blog could actually be a psychological study showing how by connecting to your body and from there making a different choice you go from lack of self worth and shame to a deeper level of understanding of yourself and others… what you did for yourself in one moment is what a life time of sessions may beg to achieve. Goes to show just how important the body is in the healing process.
This is a great sharing Kate and such a strong message of how we are all hurting each other all of the time without even realizing or meaning to. If you had looked away from that man and shrunk who knows what that would have brought up for him, feeling rejected, feeling uncertain of what he did, causing him to doubt himself and etc. It probably would never have occurred to him that it was an issue you had with yourself and not with him. So important that we all deal with our hurts so that we start to look at life in a different way, one without protection and instead with an openness to all. I especially love this line… “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. Thank you Kate.
I agree Caroline. This is how issues between two people can arise, and so often remain. Kate’s vulnerability and openness is such a gorgeous example of how we can live without issues (with ourselves and others).
What a great sharing Kate we can all learn so much from this blog. I have shrunk myself in many situations due to past experiences which is doing no one any good. I am inspired by your words to be more of who I am in all situations.
I have revisited your blog Kate, and it made me aware how in the past I tried to hide my vulnerability by not deeply looking in someone’s eyes so I could avoid the connection, but lately I have choosen to look people in the eyes to meet them and connect even if it is for a split second when passing by. And even though it looks like a small thing, it feels like a great gift.
Protecting my vulnerability stops me from truly connecting with my eyes to another person and this is a lost opportunity for both of us. I have been conscious of having eye contact with others because I have had a lifetime squint in one eye which means that when I look at someone one eye may look in another direction. I always feel embarrassed as the person I am trying to connect with thinks I am looking elsewhere.
I have noticed that in the last 2-3 years this has been less of an issue and my eyes seem to be aligned but I still tend to not make direct eye contact. I always attribute this to the pattern I have had for years but am now realising that this more about me protecting my vulnerability.
So thank you Kate for sharing – I, too, need to appreciate and grow in the awareness of my vulnerability and make deeper connections with others.
Thank you Kate, as I feel as blessed by your words like I feel you have blessed the men in these situations with your openness in connection to your vulnerability. And I feel you broke off with some pattern that just bring separation between women and men and in society in general. It is so healing to get beyond these patterns. Staying connected with vulnerability without cutting the connection is so huge! I also am learning on this and your article gave me a help to go further on staying connected with my vulnerability without cutting the world out.
Your awareness of how the exchange may have been experienced by him as well as your own process is really beautiful Kate. From your sharing, it seems that by staying conscious to the vulnerable feelings that arose for you, they soon passed and offered a moment of healing. This reminds me that moments of healing present themselves all the time if we are willing to remain present to them and not seek protection.
It’s amazing how much our hurts can affect our relationships and interactions – even in the simplicity in walking past another person. It definitely feels to me like we are tricked into thinking our hurts are bigger than they are – bigger than us – and therefore are allowed to rule. I love what your very wise friend shared about allowing ourselves to feel the hurt or vulnerability, and feeling how easy it can pass if we allow it to. I look forward to making this choice more.
I was feeling this this morning Amelia, just ‘how much our hurts can affect our relationships and interactions’ …if we allow them to. I love re reading this blog because we interact and feel our discomfort or vulnerability every day. To know that we can choose to feel our true and full selves is a healing in itself and a great everyday support.
So true Amelia Stephens, I recognize this too. I thought I was fine, until those unresolved hurts and feelings come suddenly to the surface. It is like walking that same path again – like I did ages ago (when I was a young girl). In one split second those memories came back to me. When I allow myself to feel the hurt and let it go , it felt so easy. This felt to much so much more vulnerable then resisting feeling my hurt, and it actually made me more sink into myself and feel appreciative of myself ! I too love what that wise woman shared with you. It is absolutely true, I have learned so much from these situations and have healed many unresolved issues after. Same for me Amelia, lets try this more often – lets see how easy and fun it is actually to heal this and let it go past.
I agree Amelia why do we think Our hurts are bigger than we are? I can testify to how amazing it feels to open up myself in situations I thought I couldn’t express (because I was hurt) and have been amazed at the result. I felt like I had broken a restriction I placed on myself.
I think about this blog often as I experience an equivalent of it every other time I’m at the gym. Being an arena where virtually everyone there is body-obsessed, it’s a constant parade of people checking each other (and themselves!) out. I often get looked at sexually, not so much because of my body (which doesn’t reflect the kind of ideal many gym people strive for) but for the fact I arrive, and leave, looking beautiful – I’m nearly always made up and looking lovely, I don’t sweat buckets, don’t grunt or groan, and I move deliberately and with awareness, and I sometimes even lie on a gym mat resting. In short, I get noticed – and I find it hard to meet all the ‘interested’ men’s looks with anything less than openness. This irks me as I’m also aware of the rejection they will feel if I can’t meet them fully with my gaze. Often I succeed but it is a work in progress. Being in such an aggressively image-focused environment is challenging.
Awesome reflection Victoria Lister. I love the irresistible image of your grace and beautiful presence in the gym. We love meeting with our own potential and man and woman alike will be feel their own truth within you! Perhaps you could go more often!!
It is amazing reading this blog and all these comments on vulnerability and rejection. When I left school I worked in London commuting each day by train. There were just so many people everywhere it was impossible to let everyone in and I coped by letting no one in, rejecting everyone, it was a miserable existence.
“By not letting anyone in we reject everyone” – That’s a very powerful quote Nicholas, wish I could claim it but is it all yours. Thank you.
Wow! amazing Kate, I understand how you would feel vulnerable in a wet bathing costume and being a man I would feel uncomfortable because while I wanted to look at your body, I would not want you to feel embarrassed or threatened in any way. I would lower my eyes in respect but keep you in my periphial vision in the hope that you would smile, that would be my invitation to smile back and make eye contact, that you were going to let me in.
It is interesting to discover that you too, as a woman are watching me, observing me to sense my body language and whether you smile and make eye contact or roll your shoulders inward and cave in your chest to look lesser and rejecting me.
Thank you Kate it was a lovely blog. I know some days I clock people before we lock eyes and sometimes I choose not to connect with them. When they walk past I can really feel their hurt, their rejection and it feels awful.
I read this blog when it was first published and haven’t been able to wear bathers in public without thinking about it since. Reading it again I can feel that I have allowed my unresolved hurts to affect the way I connect with men in general. Thank you for sharing how simple it is to choose to stay open and be yourself Kate.
haha that makes sense Leonne, I feel like it will be the same for me. If I am ever own wearing bathers I will think of this!
It is very revealing to realise that when we shrink away because of an insecurity of ours, it also offers the other person rejection, and so the way we walk around in society is created! Hurt upon hurt! Beautiful what you came to Kate, and in the love you offered yourself in that moment, you also offered the connection with the staff member who essentially was just being friendly and doing his job. We have so much to offer, and these moments matter greatly. Great sharing Kate.
Beautiful Kate, choosing to not go into shame, and just show all that you are. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is so empowering.
Thank you Kate, this is priceless! I love all that you were able to connect to in a moment, feeling a change in your body with the approach of another coming toward you. Choosing the connection with y(our) body over any thought that may stream through, is where the gold lies, for all!
Such a beautiful blog Kate rereading it this morning I felt it on a deeper level how our unresolved hurts can create hurts of the other people. This is something that is obvious but something I have not felt so deeply before. Thanks Kate
I can rely to your article Kate, I used to hate my breasts and did hide them to not to be there. Breasts where a sign for me of being a weak women. I was reacting to being a weak women, in being the opposite, hard with myself always judging and comparing myself with other women and making my own world this way, what a hard and draining live fighting against myself. Now I am so different – I feel safe from within and fragile at times and I do enjoy the feeling that comes with the surrendering to my beautiful body.
There is nothing wrong with it, I have accepted this fact. Thanks to Universal Medicine I got to understand the difference between the thoughts from my head and my feelings from my heart. The Truth I have found within myself, and this way of living is pure joy and love in a body that I nurture and nourish every day.
This beautiful blog has me feeling how much I hurt others when I shrink into protective mode, and how I can react to with hurt to other’s protection from me.
Every time I allow myself to be vulnerable it is so freeing not only for myself but for everyone else as well.
Thanks Elizabeth, and Kate — this blog and these comments are pure gold. Letting myself be vulnerable particularly in front of men has not been easy for me to allow, but lately have been noticing how awful it feels to go into something I’m not, into a protective shell where I hide who I am. The more I let myself just be, and be vulnerable, just as you have shared Kate, I learn so much. So much about me, about the patterns I’m still holding from the past I haven’t yet dealt with, and with the man I’m interacting with who is just as sensitive as me. The more I let myself be vulnerable, the more I open up my heart to everyone around me and it’s amazing to feel. And very joyful too 🙂
I agree with you Elizabeth, when I am vulnerable the spirits pride is gone and the surrendering to my soul is so delicious, better than any dessert or ice cream.
Simply and clearly put, Elizabeth and I feel this is the truth. I get the sense that in being vulnerable there is an openness not asking for anything from the next moment, but bringing all of me to it. There is great strength in this vulnerability and I agree it is very freeing.
A great point Simon, being vulnerable in that moment does bring all of me to that moment. Then the next moment is free to be what it is. I’m free to be all of me in that new moment and the other person is free to continue on without my imposition clouding what’s ahead for them. There’s a grand responsibility in this, one that is worth understanding completely because there is so much freedom for everyone as the ripple effect goes on.
A lovely one, Kate*** Thanks for sharing this. I’ll watch myself carefully when I walk the red carpet next time- if I won’t hold in my stomach 🙂 Let’s see what this will bring! This is really incentive.
Kate, I felt drawn back to your blog, particularly being vulnerable, and I am learning that men also feel our vulnerability and when they do I have experienced both, them showing me that they are vulnerable as well, but also how gentle and caring they can be too.
That is truly freing Sally. Being vulnerable and real is such a strength because it allows me to show all of me at that moment including all the qualities of a man, expressing the caring, tender and sensitive nature of me in all its openness.
“I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture),” This is such a powerful realisation. So often misunderstandings and conflicts arise and we do not know why and can blame the other. However, it can so easily be the consequences of how we have come across unwittingly because of our unresolved issues.
I realize as i read your comment, that physically closing down as you described with shoulders turned in, sinking your chest, feels like it is/has been a common way for me to shut down to allowing myself to feel my vulnerability and allow others to feel my openness. I used to do this form of shying away from people and not wanting to feel or see what was there by not looking people in the eyes, as well.
It is a terrible thing, because this pretence at not connecting and avoiding the other gives … ” men (and others) the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them “… and can bring ‘unnecessary complexities we can bring to our relationships.”
Also not allowing ourselves to feel what is there, means we carry unacknowledged , so many layers of feelings. We don’t not register all the interactions we have with others all the time.
There is so much learning and beautiful openness to be shared between us humans which can bring understanding, healing and confirming ‘innocent moment(s) of two people meeting each other “instead . Thank you Kate for sharing about ‘a vulnerable moment’.
Yes Gill I have felt that too. When we allow ourselves to feel vulnerable to is uncomfortable at start. When we get through to the other side the pain does disappear and when a similar experience presents itself again we can feel where we have made the choices not to allow that again.
Thank you Kate – just what I needed to read – about letting myself be vulnerable in all its beauty that this brings.
I realise vulnerability is not the enemy anymore but as you say Felix a ‘ strength ‘ and I feel the growth in that connection. Bring on the butterflies!
Thank you, Kate, this clearly shows how being vulnerable is actually a strength. Not easy to hold in society nowadays, but so very well worth it. I get instant confirmations whenever I do allow or not allow myself to feel vulnerable. Like if I harden myself, I cut myself in the finger – if I am being delicate, butterflies surround me, I get to see the most rarest of tiny birds and people offer their help…
Vulnerability being a strength is a wonderful revelation and feels incredible in the body. I love your reflection Felix about hardening or being delicate – it’s true isn’t it? When we are hard and not with ourselves we are much more likely to hurt ourselves. A reminder to come back, be delicate and get to see the butterflies!
I love the beautiful words you have used here Felix.
That’s very sweet Felix.. It nice to hear the confirmations that you get in life, I can really relate to these.
It’s true that being vulnerable really is a strength, as we know it’s not always easy so if you can actually stay with that feeling and stay open, that’s an amazing strength to have!
Felix, I can feel your sensitivity and ability to be vulnerable and I now know the strength in that. Usually when I felt vulnerable I felt so raw and exposed that it was hard to allow myself to be seen in that state and I’d want to hide in my room, but I recently had an experience where I was falling apart in a large group and I could not run away. I was amazed at the support and love that was offered me and I realised that it was okay to not be able to cope and I stood there feeling so fragile and it was okay – more than okay – it was actually very healing. I discovered that, though I was fragile, I wasn’t weak – in fact by standing in my vulnerability I felt my inner strength which was not all about coping but just being exactly how I was.
“As I felt more into this moment I knew it was clearly a choice to shut down or stay open to a) what I was feeling, and to b) that man just doing his job”. I know if I stay open to others – and am less concerned about self and what others may think — then I feel more vulnerable yet also more connected with myself and thus more confident.
I too am discovering the true power in being vulnerable. It is a great way to live and much more fun that walking around protecting myself all the time.
I love how you put so much lightness into it Elizabeth. If we can change the way we look at it, it becomes much easier. I too have noticed how much more exciting and fun it can be recently.
Me too Elizabeth, I have found that by allowing my vulnerability to be seen opens the other up too and this then leads to more intimate, honest relationships, based in mutual trust. And yes, much more fun!
There is so much healing in vulnerability…and I have spent so much of my life in huge protection to do all that I can to avoid it. This is not the case anymore. I now welcome vulnerability because I know it is part of me being real in this world and it opens me up to a deeper connection with myself and others.
Sara I love how you nominate that being vulnerable is part of being real in this world. There is much for me to ponder in those words.
Thank you Sara, your comment has given me permission to feel my own vulnerability and let go of pretending to be something that I am not and let the real me shine out and let go of the protection that has enveloped me for ages.
Well said Sara… that is such a sweet way of looking at moments of feeling vulnerable.. that this is actually who I am. I love that.
True, vulnerability is part of being real. If we are vulnerable there is nothing in us trying to control a situation so we actually feel whats going on. Thanks for Sharing Sara
Agreed, often we can dampen down our vulnerability and choose to ignore it and this makes us, as you say, not be real. Not be real with ourselves and also with everyone that we meet.
‘There is so much healing in vulnerability’, not only for the vulnerable one but also for others who are more able to let go of their protection and be vulnerable too, and then we can let each other in.
I have noticed how this vulnerability is something that can be turned on and off, and with this comes a judgement and an assessment of the people around, checking out if they have the potential to hurt, if it is safe to be vulnerable with them. When actually, this vulnerability is there in everyone just the same.
Well said Shami, and a great reminder to be on top of this awareness at all times. Thank you.
Shami I like what you say in your amazing comment and I have the feeling that more people are checking out if others have the potential to hurt e.g. l do this as well. So it is good to have your comment as an reminder to be more aware of this – Thanks
Coming back to your blog Kate I could feel your words at a much deeper level because I have recently noticed how I would advert my eyes so as not to meet people in certain situations and this was an old pattern that I did when I felt uncomfortable. As I observed myself doing this I could feel how I became the little girl again who wanted to shrink away and hide, this was very healing and I was able to see it for what it was without judgement or criticism. I love the words you share here because it is so true, “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
Alison I can really relate to averting my eyes so as to not meet people. I am doing this less so, choosing to feel more vulnerable and actually meet them and have that greater depth of intimacy. Often when I decide to look back the moment has passed and they are looking elsewhere but this is great to note so that next time I don’t hesitate but simply meet them with my eyes.
This is a great sharing ladies and I’ve learnt a lot just reading your comments as well as Kate’s awesome blog. Averting my eyes, particularly when I’m conversing with a man is commonplace, and at the same time not something i’ve lately clocked as feeling truly comfortable. I certainly get smaller’ every time I look away. I’m taking stock from what you share here Karin, to make a conscious choice to meet the person I’m with, the men I interact with and not look away. To let myself be vulnerable… I’m looking forward to this new chapter, to opening up!!
Karin our eyes are such a great marker of how clear we are – there are days when i can stand steady, hold the gaze of another and speak my truth – these interactions can be so confirming. However there are also days where i choose to create issues, complications that fog the truth, with this my gaze loses its power and the interactions that ensue are dishonest & safe.
I have been noticing this too Karin, when I’m having a conversation with someone and I can feel myself wanting to look away, I’m wondering why am I doing that? Why can’t I just be with this person for a moment? Sometimes I even walk away from someone and realise I didn’t make any connection with their eyes. It’s a great way to become aware of what is playing out in our interactions with people, and I intend to pay attention to what the rest of my body is doing too, it will be interesting to see if my shoulders cave in in certain situations…
Alison, I can relate to this too. I am becoming super aware of when I avert my eyes and they start to dance around the room, therefore not being fully present with whomever I am talking to. Doing this takes me back to feeling the shy, vulnerable little child. But isn’t this awareness wonderful as it allows us to change our patterns of behaviour and face ourselves full on and claim our ‘presence’ back.
I have noticed Alison that if I am not feeling right in myself I cannot hold my gaze when I look at other people. My eyes want to shift around. Now I use it as one of many signs that I need to pay attention; I’ve missed something, and that has allowed insecurity to creep in. There are so many ways we can learn about ourselves…so many tiny but powerful flags that show us that we are vulnerable, and that is so lovely to really appreciate.
And how powerful are you, ladies, when you meet a man with an open look into the eyes. It goes straight inside, at times challenging as it asks me to also be truly open, touching as it is beautiful to see and meet each other and the intimacy that is possible, and honouring and respectful of oneself and the other with a particular sense of dignity.
Yes, Shirley-Ann and Alison, I too can go into that shrinking little girl when I am feeling unsure or vulnerable, and I am realising how diminishing it is to hold back on being fully claimed in the world as a mature woman who does not need to hide herself.
Since first reading this blog I have become aware that I have many behaviour patterns that ride on a desire to control the situation so I am not vulnerable. These hurts may be long forgotten and sometimes even healed, however I can carry on with the behaviour pattern for years unless I spot them and make a different choice. It was great reading your blog about a real life experience of spotting such pattern, feeling it in our body, reflecting on how that impacts on us and very likely on other people, and then with this extra understanding choosing differently. Thank you Kate.
Wunderbare Golnaz it was the same for me – Kates honest shared words opened my awareness and since that I am more aware of what is happening inside of me with all my behavior pattern. It is a great joy not to stay trapped in them and to feel that there is a possibility to make a different choice . . .
I agree Golnaz and when you make a change and not protect yourself you have to deal with the momentum from the times in the past where we did protect ourselves and others not quite knowing whether and how we have changed but, after a while, these quandaries go away and that while can be very short as Kate described above.
How free and liberating it is to be aware of, and then change these old patterns of behaviour, and then breaking down the old momentums to bring us back to who we truly are, therefore letting out our true selves for all to feel us in our glory.
I love this wisdom -remaining vulnerable and allowing ourselves to feel is a True gift that can change our lives and allow True healing.
It is so inspirational to share such experiences as it is the patterns of protection and denial that make it so difficult to become aware and honest with one´s hurts, shame and insecurities. To openly speak about them is deliberating and fosters self-acceptance and the willingness to deal lovingly with whatever needs to be healed.
I’ve loved coming back to this blog Kate. This time round I can appreciate on another level how feeling vulnerable and allowing ourselves to stay with it, is an opportunity for deeper understanding. In fact, as you showed, our vulnerable feelings are tools for learning and growing.
Thank you for sharing Kate, this is something I am presently working on, staying open and letting others in. I actually feel quite a horrible anxiety when ever I shut down to the world, it also cuts any space for developing a deeper connection with myself. I have noticed after getting to a certain level of connection within myself I can not deepen this any further until I let my guard down and let the world in.
It is bad enough getting that I hurt myself and ingrain my behavior further when I shrink away from someone. But to also know that this behavior relays rejection to the other person and helps them ingrain their own debilitating behavior too, brings on even a greater appreciation of the responsibility we hold to one another in life.
Thank you Kate for bringing attention to this behaviour that is so endemic in my life and I am sure in most people’s. It is incredible how we can carry such patterns in our bodies for years, based on guarding against a hurt years and years ago that we can not often even recall. I always appreciate being alerted to yet another pattern, because it is like someone pointing out a blind spot. It gives me the opportunity to start seeing that making a different choice. Thank you.
This is a very revealing blog for me Kate. I tend to shrink away from meeting men in conversation. At work, not long ago, a colleague I have known for 16 years but have rarely spoken to, started a conversation with me. I was observing myself slowly relaxing after my first reaction of perplexity. Why would he want to talk to me? It was a lovely encounter when we both shared information about ourselves. I did not realise until recently that keeping to myself is robbing others and hurting them. It is not easy to be open after so many years of hiding away but it is a wonderful feeling when meeting others and this alone should give me the impetus to open more and invite the world into my life.
Reading your blog for the second time the truth of your words touches me just as much as it did the first time. A great reminder. It is so confronting and important that we as humanity start getting that everything we choose to do has consequences and that being in touch with how we feel gives us the opportunity to start making different choices.
Lately I have been feeling when I do turn the other way with men or others, how it truly hurts me but didn’t pick up on the reflection, being me rejecting me. It’s such a great point of reference to bring myself back to my naturally loving way when I feel that discomfort in my body, and to now, use it as a moment to reconfirm who I know myself to be.
I have been rejecting men most of my life by not truly letting them in and loving them for who they naturally are. This way has changed recently and I am developing some really loving relationships with men.
It is awesome to reread this blog Kate.
I have in the past shrunk or adjusted in the presence of both men and women to protect myself and hide from the amazing woman I am. For fear of comparison, jealously, judgement and desire. It has completely remoulded me. Well no more. These days I am allowing myself to be sweet and vulnerable, to stand tall and own my essence without the fear I once had of being rejected. When I do meet the world with all of me the world meets me back. ✨
Kate, re-reading this blog is gold, very confirming if what I’ve been feeling the more I say yes to being vulnerable, open and dropping my guard with people. It’s not always easy as we can be hiding all sorts of hurts underneath the guard we put on, but when I do open up and let myself be vulnerable boy oh boy is it amazing. I let myself feel and see the real me so tender and beautiful and everyone else gets to see and rejoice in this as well.
Wow, Kate, I had not considered that shutting down and looking away from someone could be considered as a rejection. A rejection that works both ways: rejecting myself and rejecting the other person. Much appreciation for the insight, thank you.
Kate, it’s lovely to read your blog today, and feel how you embraced being vulnerable and showing it, and how in that moment you met another with it. It’s such a great example and a great lesson in how old ingrained hurts can affect us if we allow them, but with increasing awareness and true care of us, this changes. And your insight on our affect on others is gold, we’re often so wrapped in our own feelings and reactions we fail to consider others and the crazy thing is we’re all busy going around in our bubbles affecting each other, if we don’t stop and feel and do different as you show. I had my own experience with this today in seeing and feeling someone checking me out and in that moment I chose to be more me rather than shrinking from the attention as I’d often do in the past. It felt so different, just a simple meeting and I realised that often we go off on a story in our mind rather than just simply meeting another and keeping it that simple – lovely reminder that it doesn’t have to be complicated.
A lovely sharing Kate. It also taps into jealousy – an how we completely change who we are and how we are around people based on past experiences of people being jealous of who we are. Just like those people who teased you.
So staying open and letting all of you be in that moment is a huge step towards claiming who we are. I loved this sharing – it gives me some inspiration for my day today .
Connecting to our vulnerability allowing ourselves that space and knowing we don’t have to be perfect, is a great start to healing. Kate thank you for your sharing.
Through reading this blog I have developed a deeper understanding of what vulnerability means and how by choosing to not connect and shut down with another because of unresolved hurts/issues this can affect another person. I have never considered I was harming others by doing this until now. Ouch! This has shown me even though we can have hurts/issues from the past we can still make the chose to be open and loving towards others. Thank you Kate for sharing your vulnerability moments as this has been a huge learning.
It is pretty incredible to see the ripple effects of our choices before us in black and white like this. For a long time I believed that I wasn’t harming people if I wasn’t ‘doing’ anything ‘wrong’. What I have come to learn is that by not ‘being’ me, in my fullness, there is always harm.
Yes absolutely Anne and Jenny. What I have come to realise only recently is how abusive it is to my body when I am not living this amazing, beautiful, vulnerable woman that I know I am and that hurts.
What a great words for everyone, “if you let yourself feel the hurt or vulnerability the it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” Thank you and your friend Kate.
Kate it feels so lovely to appreciate that our hurts are gifts. I cannot deny they have always given me so much understanding of myself and others.
I can see how I shut down when feeling vulnerable too. If I can be absolutely honest with myself in these moments and express how I feel it is amazing how everything opens up to a deeper connection and love for myself and the other. This translates in my body as a different way of being and holding myself. As you (both Kates) say it is in this awareness of ourselves in our bodies that supports our unfolding in and of ourselves and our relationship/s with others.
Returning to this amazing blog today there are so many levels of learning on offer. Just one aspect I felt today was how much easier it was the next day in the body for you Kate, to not go into the old body patternes of shoulders curling in etc. Like the concious effort the day before rearranged things and it can be easier after that. I can relate to this and it makes me even more keen to really pay attention to how I am in my body in moments through the day and support myself to stay open and aware, and that it will develop from the efforts brought to each of those moments. Cool stuff Kate. Love it.
It does feel good to be able to feel our vulnerablilty in these situations and accept ourselves as you have described Kate, it feels lovely how you have shone through the experience and everyone benefited.
Feeling my vulnerability and fragility has most definitely revealed what I have been avoiding looking at and accepting is there to be released from my life. What I am discovering is putting up a wall of protection no only keeps others out, it stops me from feeling and accepting how glorious I am. When we can walk in honour of our amazingness of course people are going to check you out and notice you … Who wouldn’t when what they are seeing is their own reflection!
As I read this blog again Kate I could feel how important each moment is. You made a choice in the moment to stay with you and what a gift to yourself and those two men. We underestimate that when we make these momentary choices that we are changing the quality of our own lives and those with whom we encounter. This is life changing and world changing – so important and an inspiration for my day today!
Staying open when we feel vulnerable, and not closing down to what has felt a place of safety in the past is a beautiful thing. When we do stay open consistently we realise that there is actually a strength in feeling that vulnerability.
This is a lovely sharing Kate and highlights for me how important it is for us to not load the interactions we have with people with our hurts that have nothing to do with them and that every time we meet with someone we have a choice to be open and the more we do this the easier it becomes. In the past I’ve associated being vulnerable with being weak or open to attack but I’m coming to realise that this is not so as you’ve so clearly and beautifully expressed here.
Beautiful Kate. To be constantly open in our vulnerability, for me, takes a very conscious choice. Sometimes I allow myself to stay open and I feel my magnificence when I do that and other times, I collapse my shoulders inwards to protect my chest area and harden my back and feel so small and contracted. The latter occasions are great reminders for me that I feel my loveliest when I am being vulnerable.
What a gorgeous blog, clearly demonstrating that, contrary to popular belief, there is incredible strength in allowing yourself to be vulnerable. And furthermore, it is an opportunity to develop a deeper and truer relationship with yourself and those around you. Thank you Kate!
It is a choice to stay open. Thanks for this reflection. A doorway to commit to such a choice, it isnot necessary easy, but so worth it.
A lovely example of how allowing ourselves to feel our vulnerability brings out our innate strength
Yes Carmel I agree. The strength is not in the hardening but in the allowing to be vulnerable.
I love your blog Kate, I recently have many of these vulnerable moments, as I honor myself more as a woman. My posture is different, I walk straight and proud of who I am and sometimes when there is a group of men on the street, I feel the urge of contracting because I don’t want them to have an ‘opinion’ of me. This is an exercise in staying with me and be open to the men, and I know deep inside how important this is. It is not a matter of ‘disappearing’ or ‘overriding’, it is walking in the knowing that we can meet and look each other in the eyes as humans with hearts that look the same…..
It seems that in a moment of vulnerability, a few decades of an issues get a chance to peel away if we choose that. Imagine remaining in this state and the healing a way of living like this can bring?
I love this, Oliver….’It seems that in a moment of vulnerability, a few decades of an issue get a chance to peel away if we choose that.’ How profoundly and beautifully power-full is that??
Kate, I love how you say you knew what you had to do and even though it was hard you did it to the best of your abilities. This shows that we can make a choice in every moment, and even though there might be hindrances through our own behaviour or past hurts, we can still make a different choice, consciously so and lovingly.
So true Esther.
Thanks for sharing Kate, I have been aware recently of when I’m ‘out’ I avoid looking at men as I pass them in the shopping centres. On the odd occasion that I do this, I do also feel that I am turning my back on them when in the past I put it down to shyness and insecurity.
Thank you for your blog Kate, it actually was the perfect one to be reading at the time I read it, because I was experiencing that very feeling of shutting down to those around me. Your words lifted me and gave me the choice to open up to humanity again. What a true blessing of Divine timing. This has been key for me this week in the workplace and so simple. I’m fully dressed where I work however it’s so easy for me to shrink around others when I let the fear thoughts rule. I must explore feeling the vulnerability and hurts next time to try out the advice from your wise woman.
From the perspective of men who indoctrinate and perpetuate this culture of sexualising women of all ages, know that it comes from a deep place of protection, revolting as it is. Your solidness in coming through this supports everyone.
I love re-reading this blog, it reminds me that the more I connect with my own vulnerability and fragility, i let go of another chunk of that wall of protection that I built to keep people out so I would not get hurt.
If you feel the hurt and vulnerability it passes, that is so true, we hold so much in our bodies and the beauty of it is that it will show what is being held when the moment arises. A great observation Kate, thank you for sharing
Kate the contrast in those two pool experiences is very revealing. Have you noticed that the hiding and contracting away from what might happen in an interaction with a man actually is more likely ironically to bring on exactly what we don’t want? And if we honour our vulnerability and stay open, we are more likely to be treated with the tenderness and respect we always wanted!
As I change throughout my life, I can feel quite vulnerable and exposed when I open up and behave in a different way compared to the past, just as you describe here Kate. But I’m feeling this is all an illusion, because I know when I stay with me, I can shine through. I love the quote you were given, thank you for sharing it, “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
Wow this is such a beautiful and tender blog Kate – thank you. I appreciate the wisdom you have shared about allowing ourselves to be open to feel vulnerability when it comes up and how powerful it is when we listen to our bodies. You have highlighted how much of a gift being vulnerable can be not just for ourselves but for all others as well, if we don’t hide it in behaviors that are not truly who we are. And that being who we truly are and allowing ourselves to feel our vulnerability is a beautiful and true strength from where we can share our true selves.
Thanks so much for sharing this moment – I’ve only just begun to understand the effect I actually have on other people when I shut down and don’t let them in – in that my own concern for my own feelings actually hurts another person at that moment. A humbling realisation.
Gorgeously humbling Meg, great summary.
Thank you 🙂
It’s so great to recognise how we all feel vunerable at times. It’s not to make ourselves feel less, but but to honour the feeling and stay open to what’s happening. I was feeling vulnerable when I asked a question in a lecture today, but in the same way, I stayed with all of me, and it passed.
I totally agree – we all feel vulnerable at times, it’s what we do with that vulnerability that matters.
Often we are told vulnerability is not a good thing, but in truth as you have shared vulnerability offers us all such a healing.
Kate what you have described is how possible it is for us to know exactly what is going on in our bodies and also how we know exactly what is needed to make the changes our body is asking of us.
Agree Vicky, for if we don’t understand why we are experiencing what we are experiencing, there is little chance that we would be able to be vulnerable therefore letting our guard down. It is a beautiful thing to let our guard down as it truly allows a deeper understanding of the other person without judgement due to the reaction.
This sentence is a real key to unlocking me getting to know, accept and love myself, ‘I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body.’
It makes such sense that if am open to feeling everything that i feel I’ll get to feel and know what thoughts, occasions I feel vulnerable in and how this feels in my body. Only when I stay with myself and witness this will I do know what I can do to support myself to resolve these things.
I’m experiencing something important: when I can stay present in these vulnerable moments and find I haven’t died (!) I feel I am able to trust myself more in situations. A confidence in myself builds from allowing myself to stay present. I’m feeling who I truly am to a greater depth -a far cry from living always fearful but never staying present enough to know exactly what it is I fear.
Vulnerable is the strength of being and or doing what all others know to be true, but are often not willing or able to do themselves – it’s the ultimate societal responsibility.
A great sharing Kate. I can relate to the shrinking feeling particularly around men. What I have been observing more and more in my own body of late is to watch the particular physical patterns that my body goes into around different people. When do I curl my shoulders forward and stoop my chest? When do I stay open in my body and accepting? What I have found is that as I become more aware of my physical posture and I notice that I start to go into collapsing in my body, I have a choice in that moment to change it, to stay open with my body and when I do, it allows me to stay open to the person I am in front of. The body is indeed that marker of all truth, so by having an awareness of my physical posture and how it reacts in different situations has allowed me to discover more about the thought patterns that are going on for me in that moment.
Great questions Donna, with so much we can teach ourselves from when and how the body reacts to certain situations. Amazing to re-feel that by changing our posture we do indeed change the world.
I have been building more awareness also in how is my body throughout the day. What is my posture like when i am sitting or talking with people, especially with men. It is so interesting how old patterns of behaviour come out when we have a vested interest with men or an outcome. That has been my experience. Exposing those ideals and beliefs that come up time and time again. But it is absolutely in picking up the thoughts that come in, nominating them for what they are and not buying into them, that is key to bringing oneself back to that connecting within, where there isn’t the ideals and beliefs that come from outside of us. But love, a true love.
Yes Donna I have noticed the ‘collapsing’ in my body that takes place in different situations also. Staying open with my body supports me in staying open with the world.
I am learning every day that the more we open with our body the more we open to the world.
Such a beautiful sharing Kate – to understand how we can unwittingly impose on others through the unawareness of our unresolved hurts – sometimes creating new hurts for the other person. This is huge. By simply becoming aware and allowing ourselves to feel – can be so powerful.
That makes a lot of sense Gina and the phrase ‘Tarring with the same brush’ comes to mind. If we hold onto an unresolved hurt that occurred with a different person, someone who may not even be in our lives anymore, and we meet another with that hurt that has nothing to do with the two of you in that moment it could cause unnecessary harm and certainly taint what could possibly be a completely different relationship to what has been previously experienced.
Totally Leigh – it’s so unfair to taint a whole new situation and a whole new person with a hurt from a situation and person from the past.
When you put it like that is makes the whole situation sound so crazy and yet we’ve all done it, why? Is it possible that if everything is energy as Serge Benhayon presents and that as humans we cannot stop receiving energy – is there a part of us that knows that the energy that hurt us in the past has the potential to come through this new person? so we defend ourselves ‘just in case’. I’m not saying that is the case, but what if it were to some degree?
It could very well be 🙂 in these situations I find that if I make a firm absolute decision to stay true to myself, and not not be effected by whatever is going on outside me the strength and clarity I feel is amazing.
Absolutely Gina what a healing for Kate and a blessing for the young man in this case.
“we can unwittingly impose on others through the unawareness of our unresolved hurts – sometimes creating new hurts for the other person.” – now theres food for thought. Humbling.
Yes Kate I agree – it is really humbling . . .
Gina you have shared ‘unwittingly impose on others through the unawareness of our unresolved hurts’ wow this is huge. No wonder we are all getting mixed messages. And yes iT is imposing when we are unaware. This is powerful and something we can all reflect upon.
Meeting another without a guarded front is allowing our true essence to be felt and from there we can truly be met.
Thank you Kate, choosing to feel vulnerable in the world is truly beautiful. I still find this challenging at times when I subconsciously go into old behaviour patterns of contracting and hardening of my body in different situations. The more aware I become of this and more loving I am towards myself the more I can support myself to be loving and vulnerable in the world, and as you say that is when we learn so much about ourselves and others.
There is much that is supportive and insightful in this blog. For me, exposing how we can choose to be vulnerable and open in relationships is beautiful. A lovely example of how closing down would have sent a completely different message to the young man working in the pool. I know I have closed down with men and women and I am learning to be more open now, I am much more aware of what is shared when I stay myself and I am open rather than going small or defensive. Thank you.
What you have shared here Kate is beautiful. I wasn’t able to finishing reading your blog the first time I came to it months ago as I felt your words touching on something I was not ready to feel. I have read most of what you have written now and I am finding I am able to stay with myself and allow for what I am feeling and even write about it! I will be coming back to your vulnerable moment and the gift it is bestowing me.
I love your honesty Brigitteevans, I could also notice myself cringing the first time I read it feeling my own anxiousness of letting people in so I completely understand your comment to not actually read the rest.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. Kate i am only just beginning to discover the true power of allowing yourself to feel the hurt, giving myself permission to be vulnerable/fragile and realising how healing this can be. There is such grace in observing your patterns choosing not to re-bury them, but to lovingly walk another way and be able to appreciate the gift that lies herein for you & those around you.
Yes – this is gold kate, I love how you have brokem this down into the honesty and truth of what was really going on, and also cared enough about he impact of how our unresolved issues plays out for others. Those people at the pool were blessed by your choice, and I too can see how the teaching here translates into my everyday life-
No more bracing for me!
I am finding if I stay with my vulnerable feeling/moment rather than run away from it, over ride or escape it some way it teaches me so much and allows me to grow.
Wow beautiful blog Kate. I can feel how awesome it is to just completely be open to people in those moments and accept and feel the connection with another person, it is so awesome.
I often notice I return to this awesome blog when I am feeling a vulnerability about little challengers that present themselves for me to step up and really allow myself to feel, and work with that moment and choose to not bury issues which need more of my attention. So thank you Kate for sharing with us all.
Kate this blog is amazing. I had never thought about my issues affecting another on such an everyday basis. I had assumed I’d be given the understanding that it was my issue that was causing the distance but actually people can’t mind read and people, if they’re like me, generally take things personally.
Yes, basically I didn’t want to acknowledge how I can invite another to feel rejected by my hiding away. I’ve remembered this article many times and have been inspired to stay present when previously I would have shied away. I’ve felt safer and more connected in the world as a result. This is amazing!
Retreating into my head only proves the world is a terrible because that’s where imaginations can run stories unchecked by what’s really going on. It’s no wonder i never felt safe – I wasn’t present enough to feel what was really going on. Bit of an ouch knowing it’s been me who created what is, in effect, a prison in my head.
What a precieus writing. I adore your vulnerability Kate, deeply appreciate how you share this with us , so we feel part and we can actually learn from everything you share with us. Feels intimate and close together. I love your openness and absolute dedication to stay connected with people and to not let anything come in the way of human relationships and keep seeing and meeting them with utmost respect and openness, no matter what the situation is at that moment. I am inspired to practise this too in my life , and appreciate all the steps and growth I am in along this proces.
Awesome blog Kate, thank you for sharing. And yes vulnerability is an amazing thing to feel as I am learning. We often associate vulnerability with being something weak and not to be expressed or admit to, but this is so far from the truth. As you share it is and can be very healing.
Beautiful Kate, I love the responsibility you took with yourself to feel your vulnerability and what was coming up…but also the responsibility you felt in relation to the men you were interacting with, knowing that how you are with another affects them also. Since letting go of many old ideals I had about connecting with men that I know or don’t know, I’ve been having such amazing meaningful connections with many men. I had a lovely experience last week of a man jumping up from his chair to call out and wave, as he saw me walking by… in the past I would of cowered out of not feeling worthy but now that is completely gone and I waved back with the same appreciation as I received.
I can completely picture the two different scenarios here – the before, and the now. What a difference you not cowering would have made for you, for the guy, and for each and every person either of you then came on to interact with.
So true Jenny, all others observing people interacting either get to see a true relation or a contracted one…. there is more responsibility then just the one person. As it was, I was with two others, who were surprised to start with, but then were able to see just how normal of an experience that can be.
Kate, I love the line “I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body’. Allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable further allows us to hear the honesty and wisdom that the body is constantly communicating with us. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.
I agree Stevie. When I feel vulnerable it allows me to drop to a deeper level of honesty of where I am at and that it is okay to go there with no judgement.
This is a great example of the subtle messages we are always sending out to people. Most of us can relate to having a reaction to someone before we have actually met them or got to know them, so understanding that we are constantly communicating with everyone all of the time is helpful to understand why and to be able to make a different choice -ie. not rejection.
“Letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body.” This is a very inspiring and important message, Thank you for sharing this experience Kate.
This is an awesome blog and very inspiring. I struggle with staying open and vulnerable especially with some men. I didn’t realize until the other day how quickly and how much I shut down – it really surprised me. I am aware of the hurt and reading this article again, has offered me an opportunity to begin to feel this hurt. Thank you.
I too can relate Caroline how my hurts with men led me to shut down and protect myself with an unspoken “back off” attitude. It feels so much more honouring now to feel the hurt and as Kate described still let them in.
I am learning more and more to stay open with men and I experience how wonderful this is. Letting go of this thought ‘oh, they want something from me’ and to just deeply love them. I am actually enjoying men in my life now that are really my friends. I have to say, when the man is single and really good looking, I can still get nervous and go in contraction, but hey, I am learning.
I have felt very similar to this growing up. I too have pulled my shoulders inward as a way not to not stand out. Reading this blog helped me realise that that moment of connecting to a man is just that, and I feel that if we remain open, as you did Kate, we feel all the man wants is to be met as we do. Understanding this helps to see it can be just a innocent moment of connection between the woman as she walks past the man rather than the woman assuming she needs to hide her true self in expectation of something more.
This truly is a beautiful blog Kate, your vulnerability and honesty allows me to acknowledge this in myself and the delicateness and strength that is actually available to me in this place.
This blog is so beautiful Kate. I wonder how many people I have invited to feel rejected all because I couldn’t bare to feel vulnerable. I wonder how many people I’ve felt rejected by all because they didn’t want to feel vulnerable.
To really allow myself the gift of feeling vulnerable is something i will bring to my life and not shy away from. I feel the opportunity of real richness here. To be with people and connect on a very real and loving level. And not just when I’m feeling confident but at any time even when I’m feeling a little fragile. To experience the freedom in no longer feeling the need to hide my vulnerability.
This is such a great blog. Most of the time we think we need to find a way of not being vulnerable, we may protect ourself in some way, become loud and imposing or avoid the situation altogether – there are many ways I have in the past approached such situations. But what is shown here is the power, freedom and healing there is in simply embracing the vulnerability and staying open.
Kate, your blog has given me greater ‘understanding about the unnecessary complexities we can bring to our relationships’ when we unconsciously play-out the memories of the unresolved hurts we hold in our bodies. And the precious healing that is available to us when we allow ourselves to feel the vulnerability (of the past event) in our bodies while also staying open to letting people in, in full, at the same time. Exquisite moments of grace, available to us all within the ordinariness of everyday life. Thank you.
It’s like we are tarring every one with the same brush if we react and reject people because of past experiences, we don’t give them a chance to be different or worse we keep them from being able to, creating a vicious circle, but one little open gesture breaks the cycle.
I love how you say here, Laura, that “…one little open gesture breaks the cycle.” This feels so very true and that one little choice can gather momentum in such a way that the next little choice is a little easier to make as is the next and the next. A conscious choice that starts small but has the potential to become something big. Huge even.
Beautiful, Kate, how important it is to allow ourselves to feel and stay open and how when we do, there’s a possibility of something different. I have this feeling of this gorgeous tender moment shared and what a gift that is to the world.
This is beautiful what you have shared here and recently I have felt a similar thing where in the past I would be really self concious of myself and shut down with people, particularly with men which would feel really horrible. But lately when I had a similar old pattern and behaviour arise like this I allowed myself to connect and stay with the tenderness of who I am and the feeling that wasn’t me left and allowed me to be open with others. Also it is a really lovely insight you had that by shutting down you could potentially affect the other person.
Kate I love how you share your experience and embrace the vulnerability that is so deeply special in us as woman. Awesome reminder that it is indeed a natural way of being and that it is actually powerful to be this.
i agree Sandra, and this allows for a love and truth that could not otherwise be felt and relationships are allowed to deepen naturally.
Kate, this blog is a great insight into how men might read a woman’s contraction as rejection. It’s lovely how you go beyond your own pain and see how your choices can affect others. It is such a confirmation that when we allow ourselves to feel our vulnerability it also allows others to be as they are. There is an honesty and strength in that.
This blog is incredible Kate, I have many times looked away or shut down in the meeting of someone, with or without clothes but I have never taken the time to consider the message that this has sent the other person, thank you for giving me so much to sit with.
Beautiful Kate – I love how you highlight the importance of staying with our vulnerability and not hardening to cover it up. This is something that has been a very common occurrence for me – and I am loving allowing myself to be seen more and more as I discover the hardening is not necessary and does not actually protect me at all.
It’s such a beautiful moment within ourselves when we allow ourselves to feel our vulnerability. We have become so defensive of this vulnerability, ( in subtle ways), that this precious and beautiful quality just gets buried under a whole bunch of different defences.
This was lovely to re-read and feel the delicacy of what you have shared. There is so much power in these words “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”
I so enjoy returning to this article – Instead of ignoring or brushing away those moments of feeling vulnerable I am now choosing to stay with that feeling – not to give myself such a hard time and to gently peel back the layers – of those unresolved issues. Beautiful sharing Kate.
Well said Marion. There is much power in allowing ourselves to feel the vulnerability. As well as being a way to ‘gently peel back the layers’ of the unresolved issues it is actually really beautiful to feel it.
I learned so much from reading your article Kate. I was especially touched by your words ‘if I had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… and who knows how he would have felt about himself.’ I never thought about the impact my behaviour in those vulnerable moments could have on the other person. That is huge. ‘this moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them.’ It is really sinking in now that most vulnerable moments and moments of insecurity have to do with me and my unresolved issues. Confronting but a gift at the same time. The beauty is that I have a choice to feel it and stay open and really meet the other person so we can both benefit.
I so agree Ilja, it is so easy for us to be absorbed in our own thoughts, feelings and views on experiences, that we often don’t think about the impact of our behaviour on others. But to know we have the choice to bring a deeper awareness, be open and both to benefit is truly a more loving way to be.
Awesome blog Kate, thank you for sharing. I have noticed this has occurred at times even when I am dressed in regular clothes (not bathers). It is for sure a great moment to catch there and then, as it opens up an opportunity to reconnect back to our body and reclaim that sense or feeling of ourselves.
It goes to show how important it is to have some level of body awareness, as this (body awareness), essentially is a tool for self care. Awesome.
It is also great to read some replies from males in responses to your blog, as it shows some similarities between men and women.
Kate thank you for the reminder to meet men and everybody for that matter with for who they are not what you think they are!
I love what has been written by Kate, for it not only is hearing for a women but the man gets to feel this as well. So beautiful that Kate chose not to go into her old patten but stayed open to the wonderful connection that was already there.
Men do it too, I can openly say and be honest about that. Its a constant choice to accept yourself, and to not pre-judge anyone who you may meet in your day.
Thanks for your honesty Ben it is great to hear that men are feeling the same.
Wow, yes Kate, I never really considered how my own body/self worth issues could affect another. I had always assumed that it was clear to them that it was my issue and had nothing to do with them. But now I realise there have been many times that my unresolved hurts have been translated as rejection, particularly by men. Lots to ponder here thank you.
What a joy-full insight you have shared here Kate that unravels the unnecessary complexities we put Into our relationships – thank you 😇
Thank you Kate for this beautiful telling of the subtleties of a situation that most of us face all the time in many different ways. I can contract in the face of another and hold myself back, not allowing my openness and vulnerability to be there. I also know how beautiful it is to show myself and stay open with others, how that changes everything – truly amazing on many levels. It goes to show how much strength there is in vulnerability.
Kate I have been taking more notice of the impact I can have on the people in my everyday life since reading your blog. By not contracting into shyness and self absorption and responding openly to all the people I encounter in the most ordinary of daily situations I bring warmth, humour, respect and love to our meetings. The way some of them open to me is deeply appreciative and very joyful. It is as if they have been waiting for the invitation to reveal themselves.
Awareness of our body and how we are feeling is such a gift. Without body awareness, that moment would have gone unnoticed, you would have shied away from the man and left him feeling rejected and confused, and been left with that hurt in your body to surface again at a later date. Feeling a hurt is momentary but burying it affects us for a lifetime.
Yes Fiona, ‘awareness of our body and how we are feeling’ is but another example of how listening to the body is so much truer than listening to the head.
Kate there are so many layers to unwrap to fully express. Reading your blog, this picture came to me, of me shrinking into nothing-ness in uncomfortable situations. The picture I would rather have is one of standing tall and unwrapping myself. Great blog.
Your article Kate has had a profound effect on me since I first read it. Previously on meeting a man or women’s gaze I might have looked away in embarrassment or not really wanting to connect and keep myself back somehow but now I hold it and feel that deep connection and from there I can feel the magic and grace we all share equally and know they feel it too! The lovely stage on from this is, the next time I meet that person we start where we left off and my relationships have been growing into something beautiful. Sometimes I might even be a little off but deep within them they remember that last point of shared connection and bring me back to it or visa versa, it’s amazing. If I’d not read you’re article and become aware of this or you’d never taken the time to write it, I would never have experienced this beauty, so thank you for sharing your wisdom and insight.
Thats beautiful Candida, so enriching for all who meet you.
Great Blog Kate,we can all learn from it.
A ‘moment’ or as I’ve referred to in the past a split second – a decision is made that is either harming or healing. I feel so inspired by your words Kate how you had “a greater appreciation of yourself in that moment, and in my growing strength to choose to stay open to others no matter what the situation” thank you.
Kate – a great reminder of what we and others miss out on when we hold back. It is something I will take with me as I go through the day. Thank you.
Yes indeed, Helen. Here’s to not being less than who we truly are, no matter what the circumstances. Now that’s something worth developing and committing to, for the sake of ourselves and for everyone.
The words from the very wise woman make so much sense and I am beginning to do this. It does indeed help you to grow and the hurt and vulnerability does pass. Really great to read your article again today and to keep an eye on my shoulders rolling in.
Yes Ruth, the shoulders rolling in is such a give away from the body that I’m not with myself and have gone into and old way of being. Sometimes I can catch myself immediately and just breath my own breath and I’m right back with me, and other times, where I let myself stay in it longer than I could have, it can take a little longer. But every time when I do choose me, choose love, my truth and the truth of who we all are, it just makes my own self appreciation and love, that much stronger and deeper.
Hmmm… I read your blog and wonder how many times my own self consciousness state has led others to feel rejected. Thank you for writing about a simple everyday livingness.
Thank you Kate, upon reading your blog again I realise how much I sometimes I hold back when I am making it all about me, and I feel the difference when I am open to people and that’s a great reflection. You have inspired me further to take responsibility and go out today and remain open and let my guard down, and not wait for others to love me first.
Kate, this is such a lovely blog, each time I read it , it uncovers another layer.
Kate I remembered this article when at my local pool recently I felt how I was being looked at, I could feel myself start to contract but stayed with it remembering your words on being vulnerable what followed was lovely innocent meeting connecting with out holding back, really great to feel, thank you
‘At that moment I knew that if I had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… ‘. Wow, reading this has made me think of all the times I’ve not met a man’s eye walking by. How totally responsible I have been for rejecting him, simply because I rejected myself.
Kate, it was great to re-read your blog and feel I now have a deeper understanding of what happens when we allow these moments of vulnerability to simply be. They offer a moment of connection and healing for all.
This is a great experience Kate, and the depth you have shared in your honesty has really inspired me to feel where I too have held back from allowing others to see me, and all of me. Feeling vulnerable brings a new awareness and is a much wiser choices than trying to stop ourselves from feeling.
Something really just struck a cord with me as I re-read this blog. Our unresolved issues are normally what has been done or said either from/to ourselves or from/to others. Often I have experienced that if you take someone away from the situation in which they feel they either need or want to cause harm to another they act like a completely different person. A good example being a group of guys acting in a ‘tough guy’ pack with each other – single each one out on their own and they behave without the act. Closing down to others to what we want to avoid feeling, it is the expression from them we don’t like to feel, not who they are. I feel like I have only just seen the tip of the iceberg with this, Thank you Kate.
I loved this blog Kate. As one that has a history of pulling the cloak of invisibility over myself in any perceived threatening situation or tense moment I can only recommend facing the moment without shutting down; as the alternative is that you end up missing life, the opportunities to grow and heal and also life misses out on you and what you have to offer.
“…life misses out on you and what you have to offer.” This is a powerful statement Kathleen and in my experience, absolutely true.
Dear Kate thank you for your wonderful sharing. These are powerful words for me:
” At that moment I knew that if I had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… and who knows how he would have felt about himself.”
Staying open and true to yourself in a vulnerable moment was love in action.
I am also discovering how my body, in every single moment, is offering me something to become aware of in order to heal. As you have shared, each moment is a rich opportunity to feel if there is a hurt of some kind still governing the choices being made and with this awareness an opportunity to make a new choice. My understanding from this is that being present with yourself and your body is then like receiving gift after gift – quite profound really. This goes to show that vulnerability is not a weakness but exceptionally powerful when honoured – I feel inspired from what you have shared here Kate – thank you.
HI Kate, I simply admire you for writing about it.
Kate I could really feel the vulnerability we all can feel when meeting others, particularly in the situation you experienced, where it is with a member of the opposite sex. I am learning to really allow this vulnerability (as uncomfortable as it can feel) and surrender to me, to truly let others in. It is amazing when we connect to this that we begin to feel how unique we all are, yet all the same – that underneath it all we all just crave connection and to be met.
Just re-read this awesome blog – and today reading the line
“I learnt much from that moment” I realised that when I feel vulnerable at any given time I’m trying to live too far ahead of myself and I’m choosing that the next moment will be a negative one – because of my past experiences (old patterns of behaviour) These ‘moments’ offer a choice to be more open and stay connected and keep feeling – all of me all of the time. thank you Kate.
Thank you Kate for your awesome blog, and the teaching that we all have the choice to stay open or close off to people in every situation. And what a difference that makes to ourselves and another person.
Thank you for this honest sharing Kate. It supports me to look deeper into my reactions and past belief patterns concerning me as a woman. I realize how the shut down starts quite early already when I assume what the other is thinking about me without truly feeling and staying open. How these situations are either missed moments of true connection or moments of joy in meeting the person next to me.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it””
These 2 sentences get me each time I read this blog.
I love the question this blog brings up about what messages are we loading onto others of the opposite sex, stemming from our own unresolved issues. Then they get hurt and in turn load someone else and the cycle keeps going and going. . . until a moment like Kate’s where someone decides to break the cycle or old pattern and this quite possible offers a healing to the other.
I have often heard men discuss that they can feel women shut down or go into protection around them, when in fact they wouldn’t hurt a fly. It isn’t very nice to not feel safe or like you will be respected as a woman and I can’t imagine it is very nice for a man to feel a woman loading all their hurts onto them with mistrust and protection.
Each instance someone has to be open – and Kate you have inspired me with one of these very cycle breaking moments.
Thank you.
This is beautiful Kate. To feel an old pattern surface and not to run from it but to embrace it with all the love that you have available in that moment. Not hiding or pulling away, which as you have described, can be taken very personally from those around us. I am realising how much we have an impact on those around us with our quality of presence and how much hurt can be caused and also how much healing can be brought, depending on this quality. It really takes being responsibility for ourselves and our imprint in the world to a whole other level.
Robyn, what you have expressed is such a beautiful way of looking at our hurts, not pulling back from them but instead allowing all the love that you have in that moment to be expressed,
I love the simplicity of what is being expressed here. We are beings of energy and light and we can either contract around others believing that we are all separate and do not affect each other, or hold ourselves open and expansive which not only honours ourselves, but also those around us. It is such a different experience to fear how others see us, instead of reflecting to others how we see ourselves as naturally loving and accepting.
Wow Kate this was a very powerful blog for. I know that in my past I too would look away from men as I felt fearful of what they may say, think or do. But as I have started to heal those past hurts I have found a beautiful change not only with how I connect with men but also how they can let themselves be more with themselves too. It’s a beautiful thing vulnerability, it’s just exposing that for me bit by bit.
Its so true Kelly it is beautiful and deeply healing to feel the vulnerability, let it pass and then feel your own love even more. Then it seems way more simple to stay open and feel another’s love without being worried about their emotions or hurts that are sitting on top – hiding them and their love.
Kate, this was a golden moment.
Such a beautiful reminder for when I have my moments of feeling vulnerable in your words to “stay open to others no matter what the situation”. Realising now that it has such a huge impact on those that I meet. Thank you Kate.
Kate I really appreciate what you have shared here, I can relate to your story as I have closed down in similar situations as well. I will be more aware next time and stay open in these moments – thanks to your great sharing.
Kate there is such strength and healing in this type of vulnerability. I feel this shrinking sensation at times, it is so helpful to hear how you stayed open and how this helped you, thank you
That is lovely Kate. And then with the vulnerability, and the connection inside at the same time, we have the possibility of returning to that lovely sense of innocence, combined with the strength of that deep connection inside, and when people meet this, they have the possibility of feeling themselves to a point where they have not before. What a beautiful present and presence to be bringing to the world.
What this highlights for me reading it this time around is the fact that how we are affects other people. “if I had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… and who knows how he would have felt about himself.”
I agree, Gyl, this is a beautiful sharing of a beautiful moment. In every moment we have a choice, and as Kate has shared, we can either bring our unresolved hurts to the moment and in this way add to the hurts of another, or go deeper and rise above our hurts, to the love and truth we all are. We have all been hurt, and it is up to us break this cycle and start to heal. In this way, we can bring love and healing to everyone we meet.
I love this insight Kate, the responsibility of how it makes another person feel when we shut down with them for our own personal reason. And equally, your blog gives us a way to understand when someone is not open to us, that we don’t need to make it about ourselves, it is probably just something they are feeling about themselves. I’m going to really watch this from now on.
Reading this blog really allowed me to feel how much I shrink and contract when I am around people. I am constantly rejecting others without even realising it. It’s a pretty confronting reality but great to be able to see. You show that it is possible to change this with a simple choice. Thank you Kate.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
The wisdom in the very wise woman’s comment can help us all. Thank you for sharing it Kate.
That is such a true statement and lovely that the wisdom you took from it supported you to make the choice in those moments to allow you to feel in your body how true her words were.
“The only way forward is through”.
Thank you Kate, embracing our vulnerability is so healing and it is an essential part of creating intimacy with others as well as, it offers the opportunity to be seen in full.
Kate, this is so beautifully shared, our vulnerable moments are when we are open and in our love….yet a place in me that i am allowing more and more to be.
Thank you for sharing Kate, I could feel the power of your open reflection when you chose to meet these people with your full presence. So often through my life I have felt vulnerable in similar situations not wanting any unwelcome attention. This has changed so much since I am now able to stay with myself. Just yesterday while walking across a car park I felt 3 workmen approaching (which would have made me duck for cover in the past) and I chose to look them straight in the eye and one said sweetly ” good afternoon”, a lovely moment of connection. We miss these moments when we are in protection.
Awesome to read Kate. I realised by reading your blog how much self awareness you have to be able to recognise this before your meeting with the man walking by… For me, it probably would have gone by unnoticed. I will definitely be paying a bit more attention to that now. Thanks Kate x
Thank you Kate for sharing this and I really feel the power of your choice to stay with yourself in this moment. All too often I shy away from moments like this and knowing the power of what it is to stay present and continue to connect is super supportive so thank you for the reminder that’s it’s ok and nothing too bad will happen
To stay open to others and let them in makes the difference indeed. I have started to smile at people who cross my path during the day. The smiles I get back are huge, not all and sometimes none. But for me I just feel there is an extra sun shining around me which houses within all the people around me including myself. If I radiate this inner sun, I offer others an option to radiate back.
Staying open to others is sometimes a challenge for me because I guess I have to protect myself. This is mostly totally unconscious and automatic. Great to bring focus on here and to train myself in another way…with open heart and a smile.
You have shown here Kate that when we are self aware and feeling what we feel, we can choose to be different and not let fear get in the way. I recognise the moment of choice between shutting down or opening up to someone. There was a specific occasion recently. I was standing at a bus stop, a man approached, his eyes met mine and for a split second I had a choice open up or shut down. I looked away. The reason being I didn’t want to invite his attention. As I did so I felt the impact instantly: on him, rejection, and myself disappointment that I had chosen to shut out my light. Your sharing is a powerful reminder that by opening to others brings light to the world, we can heal ourselves and others.
Thanks Kate…”unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person”…this resonates strongly for me at the moment, realising that I carry hidden pockets of tension when interacting with people, which leave them and me feeling less
Thank you so much Kate for sharing this Vulnerable Moment with us. I do know this moments well and now I feel more of my responsibility to ‘clear’ this moments by healing my unresolved issues. It is important to do not bring my issues into the world and support with that the creation of new issues (in others and me)…and I feel the joy-potential in every moment if I am free/ready for it. Beautiful.
A recent painful experience led to my ” feeling the vulnerability and hurt ” I have carried in my body for so long”.
Since then there has been a gradual opening up, being more at ease with and appreciating my body, it has, as you say Kate, been a true gift.
The ‘wise woman’ is in us all.
Awareness of your body and how it affects everyone, the choice to grow and evolve by observing and choosing. Thanks Kate.
Thank-you Kate, for writing on a subject that I think everyone can relate to. So many times you will come across a meeting in passing or whatever with another and one or both of you either look down or away, or don’t even look at all. These days most of the time, I am much more conscious of making sure that I look at the person and even offer a smile, but every now and then if I am not fully with myself, I can dismiss the person by not holding myself and looking at them, and when I have done that, there is a sadness I feel in me and it feels like an opportunity is missed to see the real them and offer your reflection.
Hi Kate, thank you for sharing these experiences. There’s so much revealed here. I’ve just read your blog the 2nd time. The profoundness of your words “As I walked towards this man I could feel how important it was to stay open to him, meet his eyes and be as open as I could be.” and “At that moment I knew that if I had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… and who knows how he would have felt about himself.” are beyond words. In your words I also recognise the tendency of feeling responsible for others (men for women and women for men) instead of ‘just feeling responsible for ourselves’. In the sense that we can not but make choices ourselves. It is up to any other how to receive my opennes (or closedness). I’ve become aware that I choose to connect to my own beauty, I also see it in others. So the reflection of life is the reflection of my relationship with myself FIRST, reflected back by life. The choice is up to me… What an Amazing school we have here… The only choice we don’t have is to attend or not. Yes, we can avoid life, but that’s just illusion. It’s there – forever waiting to be felt in her True Beauty. Without discounting the uglyness that needs to be addressed. Lovingly so:-)
Floris thank you for reminding us that we are not responsible for how another responds to something we say or do. We are only responisble for the choices we make..
This is a powerful comment Floris. No we are not responsible for how another perceives us. This takes a great deal of pressure off us if we are used to trying to do the right thing or trying to keep another person from feeling hurt. I feel Kate’s example is powerful in the way that she is taking care that she doesn’t shut down and that she remains open to connection. However if we do not manage to do this it is indeed not our responsibility how the other person reacts.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. It was this wisdom and my choices that supported me in those moments and allowed me to feel in my body how true her words were.”
Kate, I keep coming back to this blog again and again, I felt that I wasn’t getting what it was. I have read this sentence so many times but I can feel how my body was resisting feeling the hurt and vulnerability. I will just sit with it. Allowing it to unfold.
Thanks Kate! I often have this exact feeling. Just the other day I was talking with a friend describing how when I’m walking down the street, I smile at almost everyone but then immediatly put my head down to make sure I don’t make too much eye contact. It’s a knee jerk reaction that I am starting to be even more aware of than ever before.
This is a lovely demonstration, Kate, of how we can choose to make things about ourselves or open to a broader view and see how our actions might affect another. Men so easily feel rejected, especially in relation to women, and how beautiful that you could see that if you had ‘shut down’ it would have been a clear message of rejection to him’.
On re- reading your Blog Kate I could feel a similar response that came up in me the other day. Thank you for the very timely reminder to stay open to another, for who they are.
Such a beautiful blog and I have had so many similar situations, especially in regards to my relationships with men, and I am still learning about it. I have noticed myself changing in the company of men and also with all my clothes on…I can close myself off very easily when I feel there is something sexual going on, or even when there is not something sexual going on but I already assume that this is going on just for the simple fact because I am a woman and he is a man. I get this thought that ‘oh, he probably wants something from me” which really stops me from being all of me and staying open. It is beautiful to be aware of it and to have a play with it. Thank you Kate for this sharing, it inspires me a lot.
Susanne , I keep coming back to this blog, and re- reading it.
I felt I wasn’t getting something, but just reading your comment about
being open first and about people feeling that. And then making it simply about that moment in connection. It feels clearer.( but I’m sure there is so much more to feel as I feel this is just touching the surface.)
I love what you have shared here Kate and can relate to your story. I see how we can easily choose to hold onto situations that happened to us in the past, lacing our present relationships with these dealings. Putting up guards and protection.
For me I have always found it very intrusive and disrespectful when a man has eyed me sexually. I have always been hurt by this, and responded with shutting down and then anger, sometimes outrage. The man may as well been saying something out loud – as I can feel it as clearly as if he did.
Sometimes I can be at work going about my business and I can feel something, an eye on me, and sure enough I turn and see a man taking time out watching me, not with respect and appreciation but with a wanting and desire that feels awful. Learning to say no and not be affected by this is very new for me, whilst accepting with understanding that this is where that person is at. In your case there was no need to shut down, but I feel it is equally important that as women we know how to respond and stay open even when the man in front of us is being inappropriate.
I feel that too, Anna: that being able to remain open and knowing how to respond, irrespectively of how the man is being with us, is the key to holding ourselves steady in any, and all, situations. This is very much a “work in progress” for me…as Kate shares, this can be difficult if there is a history of shrinking when faced with confronting behaviour. I love how Kate gleaned the truth of what was happening by staying with her body.
Yes, the body does seem the key here, that and choosing to observe the situation rather then react to it.
Its so interesting Kate how just one small moment can reveal so much and lead to such profound change. I can’t help wonder if we paid more attention to each moment, would we be ‘enlightened’ in no time!
Yes Jeannette and Kate – in every moment is an offer for healing and evolving. Worth to take attention to. And when I let this realization really sink into my body, I can feel more space in me and around me – it’s like the room for me does expand. And with this ‘more space’ comes more time, more stillness, more observation (instead of overwhelming). I feel more connected to the Universe…Beautiful.
Its so true, Sandra, more space. More space for us, and more space for others to feel it too.
Yes Sandra, that is so true, I too feel this. It feels for me in this openness that all that is required to live my life is me being me.
I read this blog almost 2 years ago and on re-reading it, I remember how powerful it was for me when I read it the first time. The message to remain open rings loud and clear for me, especially working in a building with mostly men (we are all fully clothed though!). There are many opportunities daily where I have poignant conversations and moments with friends and acquaintances alike, and being open makes such a difference to the quality of those moments. I hadn’t really computed how important it was for the other person to feel me being open first, but after reading this Kate, I feel how necessary it is, keeping any complex issues out of the equation and making it simple and simply about that moment of connection.
Dear Kate, I loved reading your story and how you resolved the issue by peeling back the reponses felt in your body. I also really appreciate you articulating the impact of our unresolved emotional issues and their capacity to impact another in such a destructive way. I feel quite sure I have impacted others, mainly men in this way over the years. Thank-you.
I am sure so many of us have experienced this kind of reaction – even when we are fully clothed! We feel uncomfortable going past a man and avert our eyes, sink our chest and try very hard to be invisible. It is so true that letting ourselves feel that uncomfortable moment without judging it, is a wonderful opportunity to let go of the past. Reacting to those feelings and trying hard not to feel it just squashes it back into our body where it grows and festers. It will then be there for the next time a similar situation occurs. It takes trust to start feeling again and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable but it is well worth it.
Letting ourselves feel the hurt, then it passes. Wise words from that woman. So often I try to resist feeling the hurt, but am slowly learning to be open to feeling vulnerable and fragile. I find that the resistance to feeling the hurt can stay with me far longer and feels awful, compared with staying open, feeling and then able to let the hurt go. I have a choice…….
Simple and true Brendon.
Kate, It is so beautiful to read how on a second encounter of a similar situation you stayed with yourself and how that brought a deeper understanding for you. That’s real inspiration. I have lived this situation of shrinking in myself in life and shut people out or not met them due to some insecurity coming in me. So many moments of beautiful connections lost in this game of hiding.. reading your sharing has brought another level of awareness. Thank you.
I love the tender responsibility in this sharing for what is felt in that moment being yours to feel and choose whether to repeat the old programmed way that your body had grown used to going into – and if so what the consequences might be in your body and in the interaction – or to choose a new way of openness and dignity with self and other. So often we women project our stuff like this onto guys – and I just love the very tangible way you put across the choice you found in that moment and then the appreciation of the choice to stay open. Very precious and inspiring sharing.
It is gorgeous to meet this blog again Kate. It is a powerful reminder of just how much we say with our posture, looks and and way of being. Just recently I have been experimenting with greeting people as I go along, not with words or hand signals but by being open energetically. Its been amazing to see how people can intimately feel it if you are present and willing to be you. Your vulnerability in writing this is an awesome reminder to us all, of the power a simple interaction brings.
Dear Kate thank-you for sharing this story, it confirms to me to take the courage to be your natural self and not let your mind dictate with its crazy insecurities we open up and the world responds lovingly.
This is a lovely blog Kate. Thank you for the reminder to stay open to other people.
I too, find that it’s the vulnerable moments that provide a great opportunity for me to know myself – to identify the patterns of hurts and embarrassments that still can twinge me today, and realize how much I no longer need them. And yes you’re right Kate, feeling them and letting them be is also the best way to let them go, and become a truer expression of myself.
Wow I just loved feeling the power honouring our sensitivity and vulnerability can be. It is truly healing and this is the greatest power of all. Thank you Kate for sharing this gorgeous “Stop and Take Notice” moment
It most certainly rings a bell for me of how I can go into that old reaction of being self-conscious. Not staying in my fullness so I don’t feel vulnerable shuts the other person out, and that can cause them to feel rejected and it is also harming for myself. Thank-you Kate for bringing this awareness to me.
I can definitely relate to that Deidre; I can be quite self-conscious, and sometimes around others I disengage and become quite shut down – something I’m working on 🙂
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
I am just learning how I have always hardened when I have felt hurt.
Hardened to protect myself. So therefore I don’t feel what is truly going on around me.
I love that quote, given to you by a dear friend
I feel vulnerability to be one of the most uncomfortable things to feel and be within but as you share so beautifully the strength you get from doing so sets such a solid marker in our body and allows us to heal such deep wounds
Beautifully expressed Kate and also allows me to feel the beauty of regular exercise in the pool .. An added bonus to the awesome post.
This example really shows how feeling our vulnerability and addressing what lies beneath is not only healing for the woman but also the man. In you being willing and open to be honest with yourself Kate, none of these men felt rejected. A divine gift indeed!
Kate I love what you have shared here ” how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man. This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them. This felt pretty ugly, but it gave me a greater awareness and understanding about the unnecessary complexities we can bring to our relationships.” Your story has made me stop a feel how often this can occur , and the magic of knowing that we have a choice in that moment to make it something different.
I agree Bernadette and how the choice to be open has such an amazing affect in terms of how we feel about ourselves and then how another receives this. Thank you Kate, this was a simply delicious moment.
This blog made me realise how much we can project our issues onto others, assuming what they may or may not be feeling and thinking. It is harmful to ourselves and to the other person. To stop and ponder on this is so supportive Kate, so thank you.
So lovely Kate, I have also felt the same protection come up when I’m around men due to my own insecurities and vulnerabilities. It also shows how other people’s reactions can be nothing to do with us personally, but just their own past experiences too.
I am currently working on allowing myself to stay vulnerable, to not see it as a weakness as I once did, but to see it as an opportunity to stay open to the world and to myself. Thanks for this great sharing.
Thank you Kate. I sometimes notice it in myself when I walk past or near a man how my body is either open or closed, whether it hardens and tightens or stays open. I’ll pay more attention to it now, and just allow myself to feel whatever is there to be felt in the moment.
Thanks Kate, I have noticed, from the man’s perspective, that this happens quite a lot. You walk along and feel connected and open to others -man or woman as they walk by. However, that openness can feel threatening to men in one way and to women in other ways. Men can seem confronted by tenderness and openness – it exposes the hardness they live in. Women can seem to harden and often send out a reproachful energy as if “don’t you dare lear at me as I walk by” or, just shut down from not feeling worthy to be met. Either way you can feel the hurt and yet I feel there is a role to be played in not taking the hurt on -not going into rejection. Otherwise there is adding to the snow ball effect that is entrenched in the world.
This is wonderful Kate, thank you for sharing what vulnerability feels like before and after. The before is great to see we have a choice to stay a little vulnerable or, close ourselves off with another person. The after is great to feel because it can be very simple and ‘passes through’ as you say, allowing a connection or it can shut the other person off as well as ourselves. A bit like the old expression ‘a stich in time saves nine”.
A beautiful article Kate. How wonderful that you had the awareness to open up and therefore take the responsibility of dealing with each encounter as it presented itself. I am beginning to take notice of how my body feels when being approached by someone too, instead of putting up a barrier or averting my eyes I have noticed a difference when I remain open and make eye contact, and they feel it too. I love these words….
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
Even accepting the fact that we all have hurts, and a vulnerability, goes a long way to healing ourselves.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
This is such good advice Kate, it had always been my way to just protect and harden, and withdraw.
But by stopping and feeling the hurt I get to let it go.
I’ve also been learning to make a different choice in the moment and divert myself away from old patterns that shut me down in some way. I find that if I’m unable to and later realise that there could be misunderstanding due to my awkward response to someone, if I follow it up by talking openly to them about what happened, it provides a huge opportunity for us both to understand what really went on and how our own reactions coloured the situation. It’s still a very healing situation to follow up an awkwardness with openness.
I just felt to repeat this sentence from Kate’s Post, as it was so inspiring to me reading this lines: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” this is for me the key how I can stop my struggle of life – and it works!
Enjoyed this blog Kate. A great reminder of how our body tells us so very much and how by choice we can change a situation to a more loving experience for all.
This is such a clearly expressed description of what many people (myself included) do with other people all the time. It’s like we scout ahead to the forth coming interaction and our body responds to what we feel to ‘protect’ or ‘project,’ that is, project what other people will accept, what won’t rock the boat, what will bring us some form of recognition from the other person, etc.
Whatever the underlying reason, if this is how we are going into interactions, imagine how much harm we stand to inflict on the other person when they recognise (whether consciously or not) that we are guarding ourselves agains them?
Gorgeous Kate, it’s so true, that when we shut down, or go into ‘protect’ mode, we are only thinking of ourselves, and not how another will feel when we do this – rejected, hurt etc. It is often much easier to guard the vulnerability, but then we never really get to be with it, and feel what it is showing us… I love what you have shared here.
Kate, I cringe at the rejection that I may have inflicted on other males by shrinking away from myself and not meeting their gaze. It hurts. There was previously the feeling that I would be giving them the ‘wrong’ message. Your story brought this back to me but now I know the certainty and ease of meeting another’s gaze.
What struck me when I read this Kate, was the fact that you were aware of how if you close off to someone out of reaction, you energetically affect them. Most people in a similar situation may feel uncomfortable and close down without even realising that they were closing off. Thank you for illustrating how taking responsibility for self, allows you to be more aware of how our actions affect others.
Very true Ulrike, and for most of my life I would shut down in situations, like the one Kate was presented with, and because it was such a normal reaction, I had no idea I was doing it and I certainly had no idea that it affected the other person. With the awareness that our actions always affects others, it is easier to stay open when those feelings of vulnerability come up.
Kate – I just enjoyed re-reading your blog and it helped me bring another layer of awareness and dedication to my choice to stay open when I feel most vulnerable.
It is awesome, what you have observed. Sometimes it is so subtle, the way we shut down to protect ourself. Deeply irritating for oneself and the other person, because you can`t really grasp it, but it is felt from both. It is an amazing power to stay open and allow to be vulnerable and to feel, what is really going on.
So much in the statement “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
Kate, I could feel your vulnerability as I read this as I have experienced this in the past as well. I have learnt that when I do not love and accept my body in full I am shutting down my expression and the opportunity for others to feel my light. It is a work in progress for me!
just a gorgeous blog Kate – simple and showed that we have so much responsibility for how we are, because it affects everyone around us.
There is such a great sharing offered here – to feel those little flinches and changes that can be held in our bodies can show us so much. I love how you noticed what you felt go in in your body Kate and even had the spaciousness in that moment to make a shift and then the reflections that came from that. Such a powerful observation Kate also about how as a woman we can reject men through our own issues and how powerful body language actually is. It’s an expansion of awareness and responsibility.
A beautiful blog Kate and thank you so much for sharing this – “A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. These words are pearls for all of us!
what a great sharing, we need to start somewhere feeling vulnerable. It may feel uncomfortable at first but it’s true, i’ve experienced it before, when it passes its like wow!
This blog did open up my awareness, to keep an eye on my reactions agains men. And I found myself reacting a lot ! And yet by feeling the person I was reacting to, could not find a reason. I found myself imposing old situations and happenings with another person over an actual situation and person. With that I did hold on to old hurts and pain by imposing them into the present. It is ME that repeating them. Awareness is such a great tool to use! Thanks Kate to bring that into my attention.
Dear Kate, Thank you for being open and sharing about your awareness and choice. Your sensitivity and awareness to remain open, not only for you, it had consciences for the man too. You chose to be responsible, understanding and considerate.Blessings
The comment you shared Kate from your wise friend “Let yourself feel the vulnerability and hurt and it will pass” is so true. I have noticed that the more real I am with my feelings, the discomfort moves so quickly through the body and that feeling becomes a distant memory.
Thank you Kate for sharing this, it really made me feel how being vulnerable can be a great thing.
It was lovely to revisit this blog and feel again the wisdom of your words, It has helped me to pay more attention to such moments in my own life. It is easy to feel a mans confusion when we do shut down, even though it can be absolutely nothing to do with him and is actually our ‘stuff’. Vulnerability is a gift as you say and much can unfold from allowing it.
Wow. Kate that´s amazing. Your blog touches me deeply as I was very hardened and shut down and I am just about to learn what it means to be really tender and to feel vulnerable. In the past I thought that this means being weak but what I experience now is quite the opposite. When I stay in my tenderness and vulnerability my heart stays open and I am able to connect to people more deeply which is very powerful. And I very much love the quote from the wise woman: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. Thank you for sharing.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” thats so true! Thank you kate for sharing your experience.
How Beautiful Kate! yes even those uncomfortable moments are an opportunity for us to be with the old pattern and lace the present or to feel the vulnerability etc and allow it to pass. Thank you for sharing this gorgeous learning.
I agree Johanna. Feeling vulnerable allows us the opportunity to let old patterns pass.
I love reading your blog Kate. I too have experienced similar situations and noticing how I felt and then I contracted instead of being open and accepting. It is amazing to be aware this. Inspiring me to acknowledge what I feel and choose to be loving, stay open and allow people in.
I love how you have approached an everyday moment with the depth of you, allowing all these awarenesses to surface! I can feel that this is something we can have within every moment of every day! Thank You!
A great comment, and very true each and every day if we choose.
I grew up with a similar physical body Kate and did the same thing as you, hid myself and my body. The more I open up and just allow myself to face those who I come across, as myself, the more I realize how many gorgeous people there are that I had been shutting myself off from.
This is awesome Kate, often we don’t realise the effect of us shutting down has on others. Like you mentioned, that man could have felt rejected by you shutting off from him. But instead you offered him a open and accepting exchange, it’s beautiful.
Dear Kate,
Reading your blog I could feel the many many times that I have shrunk, looked away, dismissed or just in general not fully met people. Know that your words are an amazing support to me. In my closing down to protect myself (which in actual fact never protects me, because I always feel somehow uneasy with what I have done) I never once considered that my behaviour was harming the person I was not meeting. Know from deep within my heart that reading your blog is super supportive to me and very encouraging to know that it is possible to feel the vulnerability, and yet maintain an open body.
I love this Kate. It shows how we always have a responsibility for all in all situations even when we feel deeply hurt or insecure due to past experiences and that it is absolutely ok to feel vulnerable and that we always have the choice to stay open. This sharing is absolutely precious, thank you.
Thank you for sharing how unresolved issues can affect meetings with men. Even though it appears that it’s about t h e m, it’s ALL about the way you put it: “I had a greater appreciation of myself in that moment, and in my growing strength to choose to stay open to others…”. Awesome revelation, – thank you for the goosebumps, Kate!
Thank you Kate for sharing your vulnerability and offering us to connect to our vulnerability and feel the true power of it. There is so much strength in what you express, its time to embrace the power of our vulnerability and fragility and live the truth that lies in our bodies.
I just wanted to share that after reading this blog this morning I went out for a walk and was instantly presented with the opportunity to connect with a neighbour across the street, I didn’t shy from this and we greeted each other with a beautiful smile… As I continued to walk I felt a fullness within, then not long after a questioning doubt as if to say ‘is this too good to be true’? I just wanted to say this aloud here as it is something we have been so accustomed to accepting as a people – accepting less then who we are. Then when love does shine in our faces, it can be easily dismissed as too good to be true as we have already chosen to settle for less. I myself am inspired to accept these moments of connection more deeply, and to appreciate that they are showing me who I truly am and how we can all live in this world together. Thank you Kate, my neighbour and all of us!!
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. These are words of wisdom.
I can feel how I had hardened in protection to not feel
my vulnerability, so therefore not allowing myself to receive the gift that was on offer.
Hi Kate, thank you for this blog. It is a great reminder that if I shut down when I feel someone looking at me on the beach or in the street, I not only harm myself but I send them a message of rejection.
Thank you Kate, this is a simple reminder to me of how easy it can be to close off to another and not connect in that moment. However in that moment I would then feel that I had missed an opportunity – to see another and to let them see me.
I ask myself what is there to be afraid of? Could it be that in-truth there is nothing to be afraid of and that by connecting, however vulnerable I may feel, I am saying yes to life. With this I feel an openness and warmth in my heart that radiates out to the world.
I’ve spent a large part of my life thinking about what men are thinking about me, I was either trying to get them to look at me and see me, or I was trying to get them to not see me, or not stare at me inappropriately. I love the way this article shares in a nut shell that “it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me, or how they are acting” – if I can be present and just be myself then I will be solid and strong, not awkward and contracted, which is what attracts the attention I’m actually trying to avoid.
Just the right blog to support me today! There is two things that I got out of this for my day today:
1. How important it is to allow myself to feel vulnerable and not close up or harden just because I think I might get imposed upon and therefore go into a reaction of defence.
2. That my unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person and to consider this every time I meet someone and every time I open my mouth.
Kaaaaate, your blog is awesome I love it. Thank you so much for sharing. It helped me to understand more of myself and I also like the advise from this wise woman “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. This feels so true and empowering!!!!!
The other day i was walking through a big and busy station and i passed a couple of men who looked at me. They all looked in a different way, one of them in a not so nice ‘checking my legs out way’. Registering the different ways men can look at me and my own reaction in this i realised that i approach all men in public as potential perverts or potential misinterpreters of my look or smile. This stops me from being fully open with them and as you say may actually send them the message something is wrong with them, i.e. they feel rejected only because of my mistrust. I realised that no matter the way i am being looked at, the way i look at others can always be open as the only think that can truly hurt me is my own holding back.
I can feel in myself as I read this the many times I have shut down on meeting someone, not wanting to feel what was being presented in my body. Thank you for sharing your moment Kate for it has inspired me to be more aware of why I might be feeling vulnerable in those moments.
Beautiful article thanks Kate. When we allow ourselves to feel our vulnerability and pain it soon passes, revealing that it doesn’t really exist. It’s our attachment to it and our story around it that keeps it alive.
Its crazy is it not that from an early most are taught that being vulnerable is a weakness,when in truth it really helps us get to core of feeling who we are
Since I have read your blog a couple of days ago Kate, I have noticed that I retreat from men in social situations constantly for fear of rejection. I have noticed lately that I will walk past men who are a lot younger than me, the young tradies working around town and I naturally go to smile and say hello but something stops me. I just wait and see if they will say hello first so as not to feel rejected if they don’t. I go through a thought pattern of why would they want to smile at me, they may think I am hitting on them. I noticed the other day that I didn’t stop, I smiled and gave a big wave, but only because I thought I knew this man. It turned out not to be the man I thought it was, and to my surprise, he smiled and gave a friendly wave back.
Thank-you so much Kate for sharing the vulnerability you felt, and what it brought to you. I can relate to hiding the body in a myriad of ways – from not wanting the ‘wrong’ attention, to attempting to ‘disguise’ what I saw as flaws, so that others (both men and women) would ‘approve’. All crazy, yet each most definitely needing to be felt, that the true love and acceptance of my body may return. We all had this as babies, did we not?
Just a few minutes ago, a friend emailed me a photo of her amazing young baby daughter, there in all her glory and beauty, her belly and belly button completely hanging out of the pink top my husband and I gave her… and I acknowledged my own belly, and how sometimes, I still can find myself ‘pulling it in’ a little. “Crazy”, I said to myself, as I checked in gently on how I was holding my body. There is no need to hide a thing, and I most definitely “want what she (the baby girl) is having” 😉
Loved your blog Kate and can definitely relate. You words here “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” are a great reminder for me as I can be too quick at times to skim the surface of the uncomfortableness of what I feel so then miss what allowing myself to feel my vulnerability can bring.
Kate, I can so relate to the situation and experience you have just written about. And it has been so helpful to hear how you handled it – I love also your friend’s quote “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. This quote and your shared experience now gives me a better understanding of how I too can be with such situations…Thank you!
beautiful to read this again Kate, feeling vulnerable and open allowing yourself to feel is what its all about, and the fact we do many things to avoid just that but in that avoidance we lose touch with the very thing we ache for the love within.
Vulnerable moments can be a challenge but if we can allow them the benefit is very freeing.
Such a simple blog, but some great messages… How often do we decide what a person thinks of us in advance of any interaction at all… And based on that decision everything that then is spoken, or seen is through those not so rose coloured glasses.
IT was lovely to read this again and be reminded of my responsibility when meeting another, to observe my own reactions so I get to chose. Thank you Kate!
In society today we are bombarded with “perfect” body images and what is seems society expects of us. Your blog was a lovely reminder that it is how we live in that body that is the true “perfect” body.
A simple message so powerfully expressed Kate. I am learning how important it is to feel the hurt and the vulnerabilities thus allowing people in. I loved reading your blog
Kate, thank you. I experienced a couple of moments of vulnerability at work the other day, I was very aware of my hurt and that choice between shutting someone out or allowing openness. Staying open, all I could feel was love, equality and expansion. How precious are these moments? And thanks to grace, and the magic of god these opportunities to heal and grow are in every moment and with every encounter and in that continually connect more deeply with ourselves and others are there for us all if we so choose.
Kate’s blog is a great reminder to not take personally what any-one else is saying or doing as it is never personal, it is the persons unresolved hurts/ issues that then get ‘put’ on another.
It is very liberating when we live in this way and we are then able to bring this understanding to others.
Thanks for that reminder Mary Louise and Kate, it is very liberating, and something we readily forget.
Love this blog Kate, thanks for sharing your experience. I am allowing myself more and more to feel when hurt or vulnerability comes up for me instead of pushing it aside and using food or distraction to numb myself which always causes me to feel yuck in my body. So even though in the moment the feeling can be a bit intense it is definitely a more supportive choice to simply feel rather than have to deal with the bloating, raciness and disconnection that is the result when I overeat or use distraction to avoid simply feeling.
So cool Kate that at that moment you felt what rejection he was going to feel by you not stepping up in yourself. I could feel how much easier it was to hold yourself, it took away the complication. Great learning in this blog. Thanks Kate.
What a healing it must of been for those men to walk past a women who did not contract in her body but claimed the way she looks and then to be looked in the eye by you and not feel rejected or ignored.
Thank you Kate. I can relate to what you have shared here.I quite often have noticed myself not connecting with Men in case they get the wrong idea or in case I feel rejected from them. Wow, just realised that it was also the rejection fears as I am writing this comment.
Thank you, Kate for this inspiring blog. “If you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” – this is going to be a great support for me.
So lovely and deeply honouring that you let yourself feel your vulnerability and what it was that still echoed in your body from your teenage years – a confirmation of the fact that healing happens when we take responsibility and not when we shrink away and avoid the issue.
I loved reading this again, Kate. Making the choice to stay open and to feel the vulnerability is truly inspiring and also, I feel to be true strength. Beautiful.
A great reminder not to allow all our past hurts and experiences stop us from connecting with ourselves and others.
Thanks Kate for your beautiful writing, as it brings back so many of my own painful memories. I’m laughing and tearful at the same time celebrating with you the simplicity of the openness of being well met. Now in my sixties I have to admit that I still find occasions of vulnerability regarding my body which harp back to puberty. Your article serves as a reminder of the strength of staying with myself and meeting others in openness.
How interesting that we bring all our experiences with us and can choose in every moment how open or not we are to one another, and whether or not to allow past experience to colour our next encounters. This was inspiring Kate. I will be much more aware as I go out in my day, of the way I approach and truly meet others.
Thankyou Kate for sharing this amazing wisdom and insight, it gives me as a man a far greater understanding of how it is for a woman to be in a situation where she is feeling vulnerable.
I can also feel the great healing that you have not only offered yourself, but also the men that are fortunate enough to know you
Thank you Kate for sharing this, it helps me to remind myself too to not go into protection when I feel vulnerable but to be with the feeling, staying open and then experiencing the wonders that can happen because of that.
What a great reminder of the healing power of remaining open in relationships and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and honest.
I feel such appreciation for your blogg. This has invited me to really look at the times I choose to shut down rather than feel the discomfort or judgement coming after something that has happened – usually something that is inviting me to be more of me. To pause, consider and reflect is something I choose from now on, rather than going into hurt and withdrawing. Thanks Kate.
Thank you Kate for your sharing, having my heart open and not going into protection is what I am practicing a lot these days and it’s making my life so full as I get to feel me so much more often.
Beautiful article Kate – thank you…It presents another lived example of how important it is for us to stay open and how healing that is for all concerned.
Thank you Kate. I will be more aware of how my body reacts when I meet people whether it is open or contracted. I know I contract in certain situations but haven’t felt or even been aware of what this is about. I’m on to it to never let a moment slip by without pondering.
Thank you Kate. I had not considered how a man might feel when I do my contraction thing. This explains the anger and then sometimes persistance from some men to do anything to have me approve of them (much to my discomfort). Occasionally I have remained open to a man I am walking towards, smiled, moved on and, there is a feeling of warmth, connection and no unfinished business.
Thank you Kate for a beautiful reminder that only by being open, connected with ourselves and letting others in do we truly not hold back the love that we know we are.
Thank you Kate, very inspiring and confirming – to be open is truly key in being myself and meeting people. In such a moment it all comes together – acceptance, love, intimacy, confidence – so much to feel, learn and reflect, … and so simple.
‘Our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person’
The more we shed the ‘issues’ layer by layer the more we can stand true and open in the world. Then with this new feeling of self acceptance and even sometimes fragility we can share our innate natural beauty with men and in fact the whole world.
Thank you Kate for sharing your true beauty with us all.
How empowering it is for us to remain true and simply be ourselves in full in every moment in every situation. Thank you Kate your an inspiration and confirmation of love.
You show in your blog that we have a choice each moment, to stay open towards others or shut down. One leads to more openness, intimacy and expansion. The other leads to closedness, assumption and separation. Staying open and with yourself in full is worth a try, even though we might feel vulnerable, that is what you let us see. Thanks, Kate
A great comment Caroline and very true, it is worth giving it a try and seeing what happens.
Thank you Kate, your blog is an eye-opener to me. And I realise that being vulnerable is actually very powerful. A few days ago I had a similar experience. When I was walking through town I passed a beautiful woman I knew from the past and out of a totally misplaced feeling of insecurity, also from the past I turned my head away. I didn’t feel good about it right away, actually I felt guilty about it and although that is not a very nice feeling I do appreciate it. It is instead of me, feeling myself the ‘victim’ of a beautiful women (old pattern of comparison). But now I not only gave her the wrong signal (like you so clearly put it) as if I don’t appreciate her, I also didn’t share my light with her.
I know what I’ll do if I meet her next time….I’ll face my insecurity be my vulnerable loving me.
There is a lovely ‘open ness’ about being vunerable – almost like an invitation for the other person to share something of themselves.
I love it Kate of how you saw the big picture and realised if you had shut down and looked away from him it would have been a clear message of rejection to him… and who knows how he would have felt about himself. Its a good reminder to stay open and try to fully demolish any guards that may pop up from past hurts
I love the tenderness of this this blog, and the openness and willingness to allow yourself to be you. All I can feel is the simplicity of being myself in every situation, (it makes me feels a little agghhh, but also what an opportunity this is for us all to grow). As it how justly being yourself it allows another to be the same. This is definitely something I am going to take into my every day. What I also love as you have shared is that so often when things happen we assume that’s it, maybe even go into beating ourselves up. But isn’t it amazing how another opportunity always arises that is almost the same, be it in your case a different young man, but none the less the same, as it offered you another opportunity to be yourself, open and solid as you walked past and connected with him.
This is so beautiful Kate… what a gift for you and the men you stayed open with. I used to feel like it was the hardest thing in the world to not shut down around other people if I was feeling low about myself, or thought I needed to be a certain way with men. Now I feel what is coming up for me walking towards someone or working or having a conversation, and I know it is only stuff and stay as open as I can. I am constantly surprised by how much more I learn about others and myself, when I allow myself to feel vunerable.
I used to feel that if I allowed myself to be vunerable I would be a complete emotional wreck and be totally unable to cope with life. Nowadays I feel how lovely it is to allow myself to be vunerable because, as you say Kate, it allows so much more to open up.
Beautifully expressed Elizabeth. Like many other women, and men, I too have struggled over the years to express my vulnerability as I was too scared to feel the outcome of letting go and letting others know how I was truly feeling. I can remember many times saying that I felt that I was held together with bandaids. But slowly over the last few years I have begun to allow myself to feel that vulnerability and a few weeks ago, during an illness, I finally allowed myself to express how I was truly feeling to two of my adult children; children who had seen me holding myself together so many times over the 12 years I was a single parent. I didn’t hold back the tears as I shared about feeling vulnerable and fragile. It was an amazing moment in time and I could feel years of holding myself together melting away as my body responded to the honesty I was expressing, not just to my children, but to myself. I now know without any doubt that vulnerability is a strength, not the weakness we have been led to believe.
I should really thank myself too for taking the time to read this blog.. Thanks me.
These words are wise indeed as it you sharing “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” – this totally inspires me to allow this for myself instead of fighting back when I feel someone is having a go at me. I have experienced this before, but is a very timely reminder. Thank you.
I have recently been gently shown that I struggle with intimacy, (firstly with myself and then of course with everyone else). I always thought that I was being intimate but now know that it was a calculated intimacy, (which is not intimacy at all). I am just beginning to feel that vulnerability plays a crucial role in intimacy.
Gorgeous blog. So simple but so much in what you shared. As Katerina has just shared so much wisdom in your blog. I feel so much of this happens on street walks all around the world. Thank you for sharing that there is another way to be.
There is so much wisdom in what you share here Kate. I can very much vouch for how true it is that when i shut down from another, not wanting to feel why I’m feeling vulnerable, perhaps uneasy in whatever way that may be, that I’m actually sending them a message of ‘back-off’, a message of rejection. Whereas if I choose to stay with my body, and feel from my body what is making me feel uneasy I bring it back to the feeling and not to the person before me, and in staying open with them, they feel met while I also get to know something much more profound about myself. That is true healing.
Thank you Kate for the inspiration. I often find myself cringing when I walk past men and sense that they are going to stare. My whole body tightens and I block them out so as not to feel the imposition. I am inspired by your allowing yourself to be vulnerable and am going to give this a try next time…
Vulnerability… I now know that it is a strength and I love it. But, it took me a while… Thank you Kate, this is truly beautiful and very inspiring.
Kate such a lovely article, about being vulnerable in your swimming costume.
As you walk back to the changing room, just think what a fantastic women you are, and the men walking past are just admiring you beauty, and the wonderful smile you have on your face as they pass by.
Awesome article Kate, thank you. I so relate to what you are sharing, particularly being in a swimming costume! I am certainly not ‘comfortable’ walking around at the beach in my swimming costume for longer than I have to. But I can totally feel that the judgement and to some extent, rejection, that I feel towards my ‘body contours’, could very easily be felt by another to be towards them. That had never occurred to me. Thank you.
Thank you Kate for this Vulnerable Moment with you and me reading about it, feeling my vulnerability. I guess we have to claim our innocence back and that will bring healing to our relationships. My daily training for that: open up my shoulders. 🙂
How beautiful to recognise in the moment 1) what was going on for you and b) the affect you could/would have on the man approaching you. This is how we grow – to be honest about how we feel when a situation like that arises and then take the time to ponder on the experience and what it was, without giving ourselves a hard time. Wonderful that you had a very similar experience shortly after to see that you had already grown from your choice to have true awareness around what happened. Inspiring Kate, thank you..
Kate this is wonderful, what you write touching and profound, thank you for sharing. Through your experience, you show how there is great strength in feeling vulnerable, and in the honouring of your fragility you show us all your deep beauty as a woman.
i experienced some same situations and i realise that i added to a game that man and women unconciously play.. when i allow my vulnerability, the meet-ing with the other person starts to go an very different and natural way. this is fantastic !
I will be ever reminded now that I have a choice when feeling vulnerable, I can either shut down or I can stay open. Whichever one happens I can also have an opportunity to learn something about myself. Thank you Kate.
I can relate to this. So many times I have give the wrong signals to people passing by, because I was contracted or I was thinking for them what they would think of me. Thank you for sharing this. I realize it is a biggie to not stay in your hurt or old pattern, to feel what there is to feel at that moment and stay fully open.
Wow Kate what a gorgeous story and there is so much to learn from it. We forget how much our reactions affect each other. As you say if you would have shut down that may well have triggered a rejection issue in the man and he would have shut down which would have triggered someone else and so we all go around in our closed off worlds until someone (you in this case) has the courage to stay open and show a different way. Gosh that was a long sentence!
I have often wondered how old I had to be before I felt comfortable in my skin (60’s) and reading your Blog Kate it seems very common for many much younger women as well.Thank you for revealing your vulnerability in this letter and pointing out how it may make the other person feel if we pull ourselves in instead of shining our light.
Yes, to stay open and look into another’s eyes for me is a gentle reminder as it is too easy to look away. Great to point out that by looking away, the impact that has on the other person, in this case rejection.
You have described beautifully Kate that moment when I have often lost connection with myself and gone into judgement of myself over such an event. Your blog has helped me understand why this occurs and now I can bring a new awareness to these events in my life.
What a blessing if you chose to stay open to another equally vulnerable human being and what a marvellous choice to start to undo such old patterns. I too, do this on a daily basis closing myself off from those I feel will hurt me and put my protective armour on, but I have been inspired by your experience to allow myself to be more open to others, so thank you deeply for this sharing. It is easy to see how our world and how we relate to others is so governed by this need for protection and what a mess we are in because most have chosen this way instead of allowing others in.
Thank you Kate for sharing this moment with us and your learning. I have definitely had that ‘caving- in of the chest’ feeling before when i think/feel or worry that men will look at my breasts…also shutting off from the world.
“I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and a man.”— For me and from experience that feels very true. It feels like our responsibility to work through our unresolved issues, not hide away from them, for we are affecting/rejecting other people when we simply don’t need to and are instead missing a moment of true connection, expansion and joy with another.
What makes it all about our breasts and the way we look ?
Thank you, Kate, for your sharing your awareness and wisdom.Lately it feels like all my hurts and vulnerabilities in relationships/friendships have been surfaced at once. Following my old patterns I would be in denial, trying to be strong, or nice, as nothing is happening. But now I know that it is there to be healed. So I allow myself to feel it in my body, to feel vulnerable, cry and stay open and loving, connected to myself, people and God.
I love what you share here Kate – connecting with someone (male or female) and letting them see us, without pre-judgment of how they may react leads to the most beautiful interactions. It’s so interesting to feel how many of our interactions can come with that ‘pre-judgment’. I’m really looking forward to exposing more of these for myself, and letting them go. Thank you Kate.
What an inspirational blog Kate. I could truly feel how you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and open, and what naturally unfolded from that choice was beautiful. How amazing it would be if we were taught at an early age to be exactly like this, instead of being encouraged to hide our feelings, toughen up, pretend we’re ok etc. I am still learning to allow myself to show my vulnerability, after years of thinking I always had to hold it together, and my body is thanking me for it.
So much to appreciate in what you have shared Kate. In particular as I read your blog I felt how true it is that our unresolved issues have such an impact on all our relationships. Who are we when we live from our issues? It feels so small, so contracted to let this be what we present to others. Thanks for sharing your awareness.
Thank you Kate, I am becoming much more aware that what is hurting me or my vulnerability can affect how I relate with others and the effect it has, but by feeling it and allowing it to go I stay being me . Reading your article has been a lovely confirmation of this.
It is all about conscious presence all the time, if we loose that our ingrained patterns will govern. Great teaching you gave us with the phrase that when you should have shut down and looked away from the man it would have been a clear message of rejection to him, so you would have hurt the man and yourself in this meeting. But by being present you where able to feel the reaction in your body and could make the conscious choice to stay open to him and meet each other in grace. Thank you Kate for this beautiful sharing.
“This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them. This felt pretty ugly, but it gave me a greater awareness and understanding about the unnecessary complexities we can bring to our relationships.” I can relate to this Kate and thank you for sharing this revelation. I have given men a lot of wrong messages out of fear to be seen. I am learning now to open up to every men I meet, still work in progress but your blog is a true support in staying with myself and meeting the other person,
Re-reading this blog again is like reading it for the first time. I get so much out of it every time I read it and the amazing comments.
This time, what really landed home was the observation you made, Kate, that if you had looked away from him, it would have been a message of rejection. Such a huge and harming impact from such a small gesture, and yet there have probably been countless times when I’ve looked away and not thought much of it!
As I’ve been choosing more and more to not look away from people I pass, I can’t help but feel how amazing it is — to make eye contact with a total stranger, knowing that neither of us needs, wants, expects, or is asking for anything from one another at all. How often do we get to experience that?
I know that feeling of being uncomfortable in my body so well. My body is an outer reflection of me, and when someone looks at my body without acknowledging me too it feels creepy and insulting. No wonder we have learned to shrink away from people and want to be invisible. I am learning the importance of not shrinking away, but allowing myself to shine and be seen no matter how someone else is perceiving me. If I can relate to others from a place of confidence within my own body I am less likely to experience attention that is purely of a physical nature.
A beautiful blog, Kate and a good reminder to allow myself to feel my vulnerability when I am out in the world. From reading your blog I realise how often I withdraw from a situation so as to not feel vulnerable, or else handle a situation in a way that covers my vulnerability and denies the other person knowing who I truly am and maybe feeling the rejection of that.
“Being a curvaceous young woman was agony for me so I used to hide my body in large shirts.”
When I read this what struck me is how the world sets us up to feel completely uncomfortable in our own bodies. This is not natural.
Kate this is superb, we can all learn so much from this article. As a bloke I can see not to take it personally if I get signals of rejection as they maybe coming from past hurts and not really directed at me and also to be very aware of how important it is to stay open and tender.
Great sharing Kate, thank you. I find that it is often in these every day examples and interactions with others that we can learn so much about ourselves.
I love this sharing Kate and am aware of times when I have put on a brave face, pretending everything is alright, when I am actually feeling vulnerable! Seeing all these occasions as opportunities to feel and heal puts a whole new spin on it, knowing that remaining open to others allows them to grow too.
This is a truly beautiful sharing Kate thank you ,on rereading this today I feel a deeper connection to my self and to the choice to remain open to others espcially in those vunerable moments that happen for us to learn from . This is always a gift and an opportunity to feel and heal and brings a real joy to life if we choose it.
“if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. This feels like soul food for the day. Thanks for sharing the words from the wise woman.
Thanks Kate for this great blog and just the sheer number of comments confirm to me that this is a big subject for most women. I know what you are talking about and I love the bit where you bring us understanding that if you had shut down then the man would have felt rejection.
The thing I am learning is that I can be me and feel amazing but I do not have to play games with men when they look at me. I know for a fact in the past I had always given men the wrong message and it was awful to feel how numb and shut down I really was. I also have come a long way as I always thought they wanted ‘something’ from me and that was all in my head.
What’s incredible about what you say here Ariana and the questions that you pose is that you are asking us to look at the bigger picture. Yes, we might play small and even want to hide, but it’s not just about us when we do this – we are then supporting everyone else to be small and less than who they are and in that way our whole world contracts and stays small.
Thats a great lesson to take on board Shevon. I don’t want to live in a small world!
This is so true Ariana. There is so much comfort in allowing ourselves to act small and be less. Speaking for myself I am a master at this. As this blog reveals, simply by acknowledging our vulnerability and allowing ourselves to feel it we are already embracing more of ourselves instead of using it as a way to stay small.
I’m gradually learning to accept those moments when I am vulnerable, and its beautiful to feel the response I get from others when they see that in me. In the past I have always pretended I was ok, and not allowed myself to feel even the possibility of being vulnerable, I was so hard, now I am softer, and it allows those around me to be softer too.
Beautifully expressed Kate, thank you. Being a bit older I also feel at times self-conscious about my body. And yet just like you, I am present to it and meet others with an open smile when I think they look at something to do with my body. And often enough I come to realise they weren’t looking at anything in particular at all – and it was only my self-consciousness that tried to get in the way of warm smiles while passing.
Great blog, thankyou Kate. I realise how I shut down in anticipation of a possible reaction from others, especially men. By being all of me I just present me – and how others react is their choice. Letting go of this shield – to try to protect myself (which didn’t work anyway) – has led to some beautiful interactions.
A great observation Sue. I have also experienced that being open with others actually inspires them to be open too. Its like ‘I drop my shield and you drop yours’. Beautiful to feel relationships open up this way.
I too have experienced this and it really is beautiful to connect with people this openly and lovingly. You both walk away feeling completely met by the other and this leaves you ready and open for the next person you connect with. There are moments where the other person doesn’t let go of their guard and this is ok, I have to remind myself it is not personal and to remain open so i don’t reignite my guard that feels like it is constantly there ready to go up. Eventually I know that will disappear fully the more I keep choosing to be open and loving with all that I meet.
A beautiful blog Kate – I can feel the wisdom of your words. In future I will allow myself to feel my vulnerability in a more connected and supportive way that will allow me to deepen my experience of how I truly am when meeting others. I am aware of how I can react to the slightest nuance and how this can change my perception of any situation.
This is so true Susan. I am becoming more aware that the moment I react (which is a lot!) I actually shut out the other person and in that moment stop us both from having an open interaction.
Yes, Susan and Shevon, this is so true and I also find the same thing happens if I express from pre-conceived judgments.
Vulnerability isn’t something I had previously accepted in my life Kate, so it was great to re-read your blog, it has helped me to see that allowing myself to be vulnerable lets people in, as they see the real me.The tough, independent front I had shown people in the past was not true and I am sure they felt it, as I have felt it in others.
Catherine I can completely relate too that, as I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, people have started to see the true me. It’s such a relief not having to keep up that strong front.
This is great Susan and very simple really as to just be ourselves is what you are expressing, a great call for us to just be.
Great article full of inspiration
Great blog Kate, showing what is possible when we truly self care and how amazing people truly are and can be.
Totally inspirational Vanessa, thank you for sharing.
I recently had a moment where I felt completely open which meant I had to let go of the protection/guard I usually carry and in what I had normally perceived as being vulnerable I actually felt the strongest I have ever felt in my life, totally open and vulnerable and strong all together, taking this into the world and leaving the barriers behind is what I am now learning to do. Its awesome.
Thank you for sharing this Vanessa I am learning that being vulnerable is actually a great place to be. In the past I have perceived being vulnerable as being weak and open to attack. It is in fact as you describe the complete opposite, it feels strong and expansive and people open up and respond to this. Letting my fortress down to expose my vulnerability has begun to allow me to show the real me ‘warts and all’.
Hi Kate. I have thought about your blog a lot as I swim quite a lot for my job, so am often walking around in my swimming costume. I have been reflecting how in the past I was very self-conscious about my body, but i’ve noticed this is becoming less and less the case.
“I learnt that letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body.” This is such a great revelation Kate,I love how if we can allow ourselves to feel vulnerable and hurt it passes and we learn so much about ourselves. This is a true gift of healing we can give to ourselves.
It is amazing to allow yourself the honour and grace of feeling vulnerable sometimes. When I have allowed myself to go there I have often felt an expansion and feel stronger within from doing so, as opposed to fighting the vulnerable feeling and feeling small and inadequate from it. It’s madness, we fight feelings for fear of where they might take us, but nine times out of ten we end up there anyway, as opposed to going with them and ending up who knows where…
What great awareness and responsibility to staying being the love you are. So inspirational thank you Kate.
Thank you Kate for your inspiration on being open with others. On my morning walk I sometimes meet men and / or women,walking their dogs. I find when I go past them with openness and from being present ,and connected to myself I usually get a cheery greeting, but if I am not then that gets reflected back to me too.
That’s a good point you make Sue about getting a reflection back. Most of the time I am open to speak to anyone I meet, but on occasions I have to ask myself why am I feeling unsociable and tell myself that I have a choice to stay that way or not – my choices always get reflected back at me.
What a beautiful example Kate. Your clear insight into this simple kind of interaction and how it played out in your body is inspiring. It really helps me to see how strongly and deeply these patterns affect us. These reactions can so easily go unnoticed or just glossed over as we want to avoid the discomfort we feel. It’s great to feel the potential for true healing if we’re open to feeling what’s there.
It’s so easy to slip into old patterns and behaviours if they’re not completely resolved in ourselves. Thank you for sharing this Kate
Thank you Kate for the reminder that whatever I attempt to cover up, push down or ignore to not feel never really goes away until I stop trying to cover it up, feel it then let it go. I have buried, pushed and ignored for so long it feels strange to not go into that instantly and just feel what there is to feel. But once it is felt I can choose to no longer keep the feeling hanging around if it does not feel right for me.
I love this blog Kate and I reckon everyone could relate to this on some level. In that moment when I am aware of people showing any kind of attention towards me – to be able to stand there in my absolute acceptance of who I am means I don’t freak out with attention coming my way. This has been a big learning curve for me but the more I do accept how awesome I am it really isn’t an issue. In fact it feels totally normal and of course they would want to, I’m gorgeous!
I am starting to see more clearly that vulnerability is not a weakness but it is a strength. It takes courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable, open and honest with others.
Absolutely Vicky. The easy choice is to shut down and hide. It takes courage to allow ourselves to be seen in our vulnerability.
I have loved rereading this blog and all the comments. Staying open to all and feeling the vulnerability if it’s there, is a continuing learning for me. Rather than the old way of tensing up and shutting down.
Wow Kate – what a learning. It is so easy to shut down and shrink away in those situations. But so healing to actually claim and accept yourself. You say…’This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them.’
Whats a real learning for me is that as I shut down from men, I give them the wrong message and make them feel something that wasn’t there before! Wow – there is a lot of inspiration in that, and in being open with ourselves and others. Thank you
“I also learnt how our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person”. Giving the wrong message is something I have done over the years, shutting down due to my own insecure feelings, especially around men. I never wanted to “give the wrong impression” as I was told being open and friendly would give men ideas! How sad that I locked men out of my world for so long, unless I knew them. And how things are changing since discovering Universal Medicine. Beautiful article, thankyou Kate.
“Being a curvaceous young woman was agony” for you Kate
Being a NON curvaceous young woman has been agony for me!
I loathed going to swim pools especially in the 1950s in the Marilyn Monroe era.
Not so loathing in the 1960s, the Twiggy era.
Now in my 70’s I am beginning to overcome and heal the old feelings and beliefs I had around my size, choosing to love my petite beautiful body.
Kate re-reading this again, as vulnerability and staying open are in focus for me at the moment and I love this sharing “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. I recently had an amazing Sacred Esoteric Healing (SEH) and I could feel the resistance to letting go and feeling ‘vulnerable’ but it was my perceived vulnerability that was calling in this resistance and when I just said to myself this will pass don’t expect it to be all easy just stay, I let go some more and for the first time I could feel really open like all the barriers I place in front of me were dissolved and instead of feeling vulnerable I felt immensely powerful, steady and strong in complete tenderness. AMAZING, thank goodness for SEH!
Vanessa, I love this, how we avoid feeling vulnerable but really when we drop and allow ourselves to feel truly that vulnerability, it passes and underneath we feel our true strength. That vulnerability is amazing, it’s a gateway to feeling more of us, and as I write this, I feel how can I cut off any part of me if I truly want to feel – each and every part of me is there to allow a deepening of connection to me. Yes it takes practice to break old habits of protection and ingrained behaviours but it’s so worth is. I feel more me now as I strip back the layers of what I’ve worn as a guard or protection only to find that what I’m protecting is actually stronger, and I feel great with it
Kate, I had just this same experience today while in a store. I was ready to leave, did not feel to buy anything and just wanted to be on my way when I saw a sales person approach. I chose to not make eye contact with her and even as I walked away, could feel the harm (ouch – that was cold of me!). I made a quick stop in one more store and was again presented with an opportunity to connect with someone or not, and I chose to stop and take a few moments to talk. And what a difference.
These may seem like small moments, but I’m learning that no moment is really ‘small’ at all. Every moment is an opportunity to learn, connect, heal, and choose love. Next time, I want to choose love.
I got a lot out of this article Kate both from a man’s point of view, as in not to take it personally how a woman may react towards you in certain situations due to old patterns or her experience of men in the past, as well as someone who has his own insecurities with the way I look or how I am perceived by others in certain situations.
“A choice to stay open to what you’re feeling”. This is it in a nutshell. It is so easy to go into some form of reaction, as you say, maybe even a small movement in your body, but such a movement can be misinterpreted by many, including yourself. However when we stay open and honour what we are feeling it is easy to recognize what is at play and stay firmly open with others too.
Kate – thank you so poignant, sweet and gentle. Vulnerability is a gift that I am learning to accept. I have spent a lot of life in protection and hardened my body against myself feeling men and the world. I am learning to become more and more connected to my body and allowing myself to feel these moments of vulnerability and fragility. It feels amazing to share this in this world and offer an openness and strength. Your blog feels very supportive and I can feel that I will ponder it while I am out there in the world, tomorrow morning!
Thank you Kate for your inspiration. Isn’t it amazing how we all walk around hiding that vulnerability and thus rejecting everyone we look at which, in effect, just feeds the spiral of everyone disconnecting from each other, the suits of armour getting thicker and thicker. And then isn’t it also amazing how simple and glorious it would be if we allowed ourselves and others to be present with that innate vulnerability. I love the connection that you make between that and your eyes. As I sit here now, I am practising! And I can actually feel my eyes change when I connect to that vulnerability and how I would therefore look at someone and how they would see me. How cool is that?! Gonna play with this. Thanks Kate.
Gosh yes Otto, my eyes feel different playing with this too, much lovelier, less harsh. I can definitely understand how feeling the change in my eyes by connecting with my vulnerability will change the way I see things (and others!) and therefore how I perceive life.
I agree Otto I have spent most of my life hiding my vulnerability, and instead trying to be strong and say I am ok but all that does is put up a wall between myself and the other person. Feeling my vulnerability has been a work in progress as I feel all the areas where the wall sneaks in. From your example I just allowed myself to feel the word vulnerability and my shoulders dropped and my body let go so it shows how simple it is to do once we become aware of our fragility and vulnerability. Like Rosanna said it will change how I see and approach everything and everyone. I am going to play with this too…Thank you Kate, reading it a second time I felt the depth of what you were expressing.
Wow what a beautiful article Kate and all the comments from it, which I feel too and agree with, and the working progress I am in with it all. So true, so real and so much learning from a vulnerable moment.
Thank you.
Dear Kate I am so inspired by your writing and the comments. Sitting in this library full of people I realised I often shut the world out by not making eye contact, so I decided I would allow myself to feel vulnerable and not judge anyone around me, especially men. I feel how beautifully fragile I am and loving, and how everyone else is too. You’ve inspired me to really pay attention and feel whenever I close myself down and make myself small, to then choose to feel my vulnerability. Just from this small amount of time today in this busy library, I know this instantly connects me to my inner beauty and other’s. I am opening myself up to the possibility that this joy is present all of the time if I choose to be open (!)
Hi Kate, I read this blog when it was first published and it has stayed with me. I remembered it when I was in the same situation the other day. I had just got out of the pool in my local leisure centre and as I was walking round the edge to go to the changing rooms I had to walk past a gym instructor who was standing by the pool. I remembered what you said about your experience and because of this I was able to choose to remain open to him and meet his eyes and exchange a few words on my way past. Yes I felt a bit vulnerable in my swimsuit, but I simply noticed this and spoke to him anyway. What a difference to what I used to choose, so close up and shut off and avoid.
I agree Rebecca. Since reading Kate’s blog, I too am noticing more and more situations where I react and don’t remain open and I am beginning to change this pattern.
Natalie, I am having the same experience too. It’s really supporting me to be fully with myself and more expressive. What I have noticed it’s allowing others to be as expressive. Thank you Kate for sharing.
I am finding that when I feel vulnerable I am reacting and hardening up in my body rather than allowing myself to feel the vulnerability. I feel this is an old pattern in me, that I have to always be seen to be strong. So for me I really need to look at connecting to myself when I feel vulnerable.
I have also had feelings recently of really being ok with letting people look and stare at me, it is like the more I am able to love and accept myself people feel that and want to stare before I would have shied away from anyone looking at me bringing my shoulders in and avoiding eye contact, now its like – yeah baby you can look I am probably just reminding you of your own beauty! It’s extraordinary how much I have changed since practising what Universal Medicine presents at attending the different courses, thank goodness because I was really self conscious and anxious. I still have these feelings to differing degrees but there are moments where anxiousness is absent which is becoming more often than not, looking forward to those moments becoming days, days weeks, weeks years!
We can grow so much by accepting our vulnerability and not closing down with others. I am working on being consistent by staying with me with everyone, with the family and outside, it’s work in progress. Thank you Kate for a great blog.
I have been realizing the same: allowing and embracing fragility to be there without protection is an every day continuous choice. Like it as a repeating choice to stay open and connect to everybody I meet.
Thank you Kate, a beautiful blog AND very inspiring. I am feeling very vulnerable and tender today, so I am going to take what you share and apply it to my day.
Hi Kate, I can very much relate to this as a young teenager on the beach and feeling quite awkward and self conscious. I felt lucky that my breasts were small so wouldn’t draw too much attention – how limiting for women to feel this way! It’s like shrinking away from the world. You raised such a great point, that I have recently encountered too, until we let go of these hurts we bring them and their “unnecessary complexities” to every relationship we have – even someone we pass by on the street is, or can be affected. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you for sharing this especially “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. That is massive what you shared here. I can really relate to this as when I was younger I would not feel at all comfortable in my body, wear baggy tracksuit bottoms and tops, and even walking down the street if someone was just walking past I would look down at the pavement and feel my body go really hard and in protection mode.
I can really recognise the “shoulders turning inwards” feeling in myself – as I know I’ve done it for years, and have only recently started to stretch them out.
It was awesome to read what you learnt from that simple encounter, and reading this I feel inspired to look more closely into how my body changes when I’m in certain situations. I’ll keep in mind the choice to staying open or closing down.
So worth the read, thanks for sharing Kate.
Great reminder Cheryl – the shoulders turning inwards is something I can relate to as well, and I know the difference between that and meeting the other person as your vulnerable self is immense.
I’ve found the same, Simon – The difference between just being myself and being what I think that person wants me to be is way different! One is easier and feels much more natural than the other.
I had avoided eye contact in the past, not feeling comfortable with my own vulnerability. But now I love to catch the eye of a total stranger when I say thank you for a service, or just in passing. I can feel a lovely connection to the person who I may have only had 2 words with. The power of every moment is huge, thank you Kate.
Hi Gill, I too experience that when we make eye contact with people is beautiful. There is a moment of pause and it is as if we acknowledge each other. The power of the moment is really huge.
That’s a beautiful description of that moment Priscila
Well said Gill. In my experience too, the power of a connection is never related to how much time I spend with that person, or even if I know them, but if in that moment we are both open to express the love that is in us all, even if just by a look.
Great point Gill – when you do catch someone’s eye or do something out of the ordinary by taking the time to say something where normally you wouldn’t, it can create a moment to stop instead of just keeping on powering through the day at rocket speed rushing around, or avoiding our vulnerability
Thank you Kate and “very wise woman”. Just reading this made me feel vulnerable and I can feel that by allowing myself to recognize my vulnerability I can grow from it.
Thank you Mary! I have had the same experience you describe here on reading this beautifully sensitive blog.
I love this quote – “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”.
Thank you Kate for an inspirational post. I especially love this sharing….”A very wise woman said to me recently: “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” …. for there is much here for everyone
Thanks Jacky for highlighting this – a loving reminder for me today.
Kate, this is a beautiful read and I can feel the power in vulnerability whereas I have always associated it with a ‘small sick frail bird’, which it is so very not. Allowing and feeling the vulnerability and being open to my next choice is empowering. Thank you.
We can feel ourselves shrink and avoid eye contact, and it can feel very uncomfortable. There can be great joy in meeting someone’s gaze and having them smile a true smile back.
Hi Kate, this was an inspiring blog to read. Thank you for sharing.
A powerful experience and to fully honour and allow our bodies to express who we truly are, awesome
Thank you for sharing this Kate, there are often times when I feel really uncomfortable walking past people and it’s a great reflection to stop and look at what that’s about for me. I do like the wise words “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it” lovely to feel how you had a second opportunity and how it changed so much with your choices.
I agree David, I often feel uncomfortable when I walk past particularly large groups of people. And you’re right it is great to reflect what it is about for us.
I would like to share something that happened yesterday after I wrote this comment. I walked into a crowded room and was able to make a different choice. I felt the hurt and vulnerability and stayed present, in that moment I could see how I normally would panic, tense up and then all sorts of negative thoughts would come in about what the other people in the room were thinking about me.
The sweetness of letting ourselves feel vulnerable and allowing the learning that comes from that openness and awareness. The power of every moment and how everything changes instantly when we are willing to be honest. Thank you, Kate.
Yes Matilda this is so true. I know that when I allow myself to feel this vulnerability the level of clarity that comes through is incredible and there lies the honest I am looking for.
Absolutely – this is my experience too, whereas when I close down and go into protection mode life becomes very confusing.
A great sharing here Ariana and this is very true.
I got that feeling of tenderness from the blog too – of how staying open in the situation becomes a transformation for you, and all of us.
Very true Ariana, it’s ironic isn’t it, that we think the way to protect ourselves is to close down and not let anyone in but the real ‘protection’ is to be open and allow people in and to feel what that brings up for us, whether it’s sadness, vulnerability, rejection, whatever the feeling is, if we stay open there can always be a healing for us.
Great point Ariana, we think we’re protecting ourselves with the hardness, but really we’re just hurting ourselves and often more than what another would, crazy isn’t it. And as you say when we stay vulnerable and open, that’s the greatest ‘protection’ of all which in truth is no protection, being open to another and feeling everything in the moment.
Great to be reminded of our responsibility in how we engage with EVERYONE, and how even the smallest holding back or shutting down can trigger someone to feel rejected. I hadn’t considered at such a detailed level, meaning how something that we could perhaps gloss over or not be aware of in ourselves can have such a harmful consequence for another, but I can see that what Kate says is so true.
Such a great blog, and agreed Catherine – the way that we express even in the ‘smallest holding back’ can affect others
True and so to get to know oneself to such a point that you know when you are holding back and when you are being your full self is a direction worth exploring.
I loved this blog Kate and agree Catherine that it is great to be reminded of our responsibility in how we engage with everyone – no holding back!
Thank you Kate, I now realise that there are occasions when I don’t look someone in the eye and smile – and it feels awful, when I do that, but it exposes old undealt with patterns. So true about it being a lesson.
Oh Ariana, I’ve done that too! And don’t we then limit others by not letting them see and experience our …..bigness?
Hi Kate, this inspired me just as much the second time! How cool to allow ourselves to feel hurt or vulnerable and for that to be ok and for it not to be the deciding factor in the way we act, thanks for the inspiration 🙂
I’ve had similar experiences Joan. I am now so aware that when I connect to the quality of my presence in any situation, all my fears dissipate. It’s so powerful.
This is a beautiful blog Kate, and I recognise the situation you describe. I have found that when I accept my feeling of vulnerability but don’t allow it to influence how I respond, then I start to feel full from the inside and it fades. This happened to me with young cows once! When I went into an old reaction and was afraid of them they got really curious and moved towards me, I sheltered behind my partner. When we got past we talked about it and I discovered I had not been allowing myself to feel the vulnerability that I was suppressing. When I did then I felt so different, something changed in me, and I walked back past them feeling full and loving and knew they and myself were all part of the whole, and they took no notice of me. Thank you for reminding me.
Joan – I love that you experienced this with cows! I had a similar situation with my dog – he wouldn’t come back at the end of a walk and was playing up big time. I got really angry, and so he danced around more. I then stood still and allowed myself to feel. First I felt angry and overwhelmed, and then sadness, and finally I felt my vulnerability and tears came. I could tell that he felt my vulnerability, and at that point, when I allowed myself to feel vulnerable, he came running towards me, willing to go on the lead, and with his whole demeanour having changed completely. He was back to being his usual lovely self. And so now it is time for me to take Kate’s lead and to be this open with people!
So cool how to be open with everyone including nature is such beautiful approach to life that it all becomes hassle free and a natural ease flows.
Catherine, What a great expose of how we effect our dogs…(and each other). I have felt this happen many times but didn’t know how to shift out of the interplay. I didn’t allow what was coming up to unfold…I can see how once we do we can get back to ourselves and so can they! People are better at ‘acting’ like nothing is out of place than dogs! Dogs are great teachers this way.
How gorgeous Joan and what an amazing moment, to feel your vulnerability and allow it, and then feel a deeper connection to nature underneath. A clear example of how vulnerable and delicate we are and how vulnerable everything in nature is too.
Joan, this is amazing. Thank you. I will take this very practical example of staying open into my day.
Thanks for sharing Kate and bringing more awareness to those moments that I have so often and ignore. It’s amazing that through quality of presence more of these vulnerable moments can be felt and then dealt with, bringing much needed healing from old patterns that serve no one.
I am starting to see and feel this more and more in my life as well. Staying open I notice how my shoulders drop and aren’t as tense or hunched inwards as they used to be. My chest feels softer, warmer and more open, I can still be sensitive and have a vulnerability but for me this helps me to connect with others a lot easier and by staying present with myself I feel stronger in my body as well. In turn, my relationships and communication with others have benefitted tremendously. It is more joyful too : )
Me too, and its gorgeous to feel that joy spilling out into the world.
Great comment Rachel and an inspiring blog.
I am experiencing more and more of this, as I allow myself to be present in the moment I can feel that vulnerability in myself, it is something I have always shut down or overridden, in fear of looking weak. But now I am appreciating the power behind it, and how it allows the healing of old patterns and behaviours.
I love Kate the dedication you have to being and expressing vulnerability.
Beautiful Kate, it’s so true that when we close down due to our lack of confidence or past hurts, others are affected by that too and most commonly, take it personally when it isn’t anything to do with them. How easily we can reject one another and it’s so great to hear how you have turned that around by feeling it in your body, nominating it and making a different choice. WOW!
Staying present in our bodies is the key, for sure, with acceptance that we are vulnerable and fragile, and will still mess up. We are not perfect!
Great message in reminding us that being present in our bodies and aware of what they are showing us allows for the possibility of true change…not just in ourselves but everyone and everything around us. This shutting down to our own vulnerability and fragility exposes what a precious gift our vulnerability and fragility truly are and what strength and power come from feeling this and honouring it.
I can feel that feeling of curling inwards of shoulders and wanting to be anywhere else but here! This is a very inspirational reminder to stay really present with every moment and feel whatever it is there to be felt and stay, and then accept. It is super powerful allowing our vulnerable feelings, I struggle with this one myself and it was really supportive to read this thank you Kate.
This is so true Kate. The only way up is to keep staying open.
Thank you Kate. Your truthful article made me wince at the reminder of all the times I have shut myself down thinking others would not be interested in me and making myself small and then feeling hurt because I was ignored! So great to have the understanding of how we damage ourselves and can choose to be and honour the beautiful person we are.
A truly inspirational blog, thank you for sharing your awareness and vulnerability Kate
So true Ariana. I have had the same experience. When I am relaxed and totally accepting of myself, there is no shrinking or hiding and I can be with anyone and express with no reserve. If I am not feeling great and have negative thought patterns, I automatically start to shrink and want to hide myself, not express fully or not speak at all.
Thank you for sharing Kate – it is amazing how much our posture, demeanour and state of being can affect those around us. As a man, as soon as I feel or have felt rejection I can feel my body shut down – that is if I have not accepted myself fully first. And by staying open we can then reflect back to the other person it’s ok not to be guarded and thus inspire them to show the world more of themselves. Yes its a 2 way street but someone has to drop their guard 1st. Thank you Kate for being that someone.
I love this blog because of how you write that unresolved issues, like your example, can actually affect other people, and are not just inside our own bodies.
What gold, “if you let yourself feel the vulnerability it passes”, and yet what lengths we go to to stop ourselves feeling it, and what pain we cause ourselves and others as a result. Thank you Kate for illustrating this.
Agreed Catherine – so interesting to read, as the common misconception is that you need to ‘protect’ yourself, often by going hard, instead of letting yourself feel vulnerable. A great presentation of how false this is, as protection only ends up isolating you from yourself and others.
Thank you Kate for this lovely blog and sharing your vulnerability. A powerful example of how if we allow ourselves to feel what hurts and acknowledge it we can let it go and stay open.
I can relate to everything that has been written. There is a different feeling when wearing your regular clothes to wearing a swim suit – there is a vulnerability, a feeling of being exposed. Then to actually engage with someone whilst feeling that way – that’s big. Thank you Kate for sharing something that is normally just blown off and ignored. A moment that comes and goes without consideration – until the next time and the cycle starts again.
So true Ariana. Since everything is energy, and everyone is feeling energy all of the time whether they ignore this awareness or not, in effect it is like we have loudspeakers broadcasting everything all of the time. We are always exposed if anyone chooses to stay conscious to this level of awareness. It can make me giggle too.
Thank you Kate for your beautiful sharing for us all. I can feel all the times I have shrunken and closed up not wanting to feel someone walk past or walking into a room of lots of people and wanting to disappear totally and how it really hurts my body to do this. All reflected from your sharing and how by choice it is so different and beautiful when I choose to appreciate myself.
Kate, a lovely blog to read and share how we all feel vulnerable at times, and how it’s possible to overcome that with our connection…and then how it all changes the next moment. Very powerful.
Amazing – thank you Kate… I can completely relate and even reading this article makes me remember numerous times where I have shut down and tried to hide my beauty in public, but as I have begun to express more I can now claim my glory everywhere I go.
Kate, such a simple, beautiful and profound blog, thank you for sharing this.
This is simply beautiful, thank you Kate for sharing with us your vulnerability.
Great examples of how we choose – in each moment – to either shut down and shut out our own sense of self worth and beauty or stay connected and be who we truly are.
Awesome Kate thanks for sharing how your reflection and your body are so important and full of so much knowing.
So true, I can completely relate to this shrinking feeling, but not just in these situations. How we can project our own ideas and judgements onto others when they’re most probably not even there in the first place. What a shame for everyone to miss out on us in each interaction we do this.
Very true Jenny everyone misses out when we don’t stay open and honest with each interaction.
Thank you for sharing something that many women can relate to and help them not to shut down around males.
Thank you Kate for a top blog. It definitely is a two way street as I mean to be open but at the same time, as Jonathan says, I don’t want to come across as ogling.
Thank you Kate. What a gorgeous example you have offered to appreciate the power of being truly present in the moment and observing what we feel without judgement or trying to change it. How moments of vulnerability can provide an opportunity to expand our awareness and grow.
Well said Golnaz. Its all about being present in the moment.
Beautifully put Golnaz, being present in the moment without judgement.
Well said Golnaz, so true.
Thank you Kate. That is beautiful and thank you for sharing, “if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it”. That is such a pearl of wisdom.
It is amazing how much of this context relates to the guy walking the other way too :). It’s certainly a 2 way street and I am exploring my vulnerability in just the same way. A beauty-full expression Kate relating to us all.
Thank you, Phil, it is 2-way. I am aware I feel myself harden, attempting to be open and at the same time not wanting to give the impression I am ‘eyeing-up’ the women yet aware at times that there is an old programme running that does. Then also feeling/wondering how I am coming across. And it is all in just a few seconds.
Dear Kate, great what you share.
I also know these situations and changes in my body well. Just a few days ago I had a moment like you described and I could experience this in a new way 🙂
I take responsibility back to me and stay connected, honouring femaleness and feeling good in my body.
Great inspiration, thank you Kate.
Gosh truly amazing words that ally spoke to my heart – thank you so much. I look forward to my next uncomfortable moment so I can feel and own it to allow me to grow and therefore get past it – super 🙂
Your insight that “This moment allowed me to feel just how many times in the past I would have given men the wrong message, where in fact it had nothing to do with them”, shows so clearly the responsibility we have to stay truly with ourselves whenever we are with people. I have found if I make it about me, I miss all sorts of possibilities for true connection – both in ‘incidental’ meetings and in more enduring relationships.
Beautiful Kate… awesome inspiring blog. Thank you. 🙂
Amazing blog Kate, very inspiring. I loved reading your post as I can relate to a lot of what you shared. I particularly loved the part about “unnecessary complexities we can bring to our relationships”. Thank you.
Awesome Kate, so great you noticed this and shared it with us. I know I can sometimes go into automatic shut down due to old patterns that are so old and ingrained that I don’t notice they are there as they have become so much a part of my normal… or should I say, I choose not to see them as they are quite challenging at times. It’s a work in progress to catch these moments and work with them. A great awareness Kate, thank you for sharing.
I really relate to this Kate – and agree with all you’ve shared. Thanks for taking the time to write about it.
Thanks Kate, beautiful. This shows the POWER of choice in the moment. You chose to stay open which was stronger than the old and became more of you although it was uncomfortable in that moment… Inspiring.
Kate, I loved this sharing, I could see myself walking and doing the same thing, going into protection before I even knew what was happening. I was also talking with friends only yesterday and all of us have experienced feeling really amazing and being committed to staying with this feeling, to be open to people and then you arrive at work (we all used work as the example) and before you knew what had happened, the amazingness was not quite as amazing as before. It was great talking about this and then expressing what are some of the things that happen within a work environment that we allow to affect us, that make us shut down, protect, turn off etc.
You may have a petite frame Kate but that is no indication of your true power and this reflection feels like an enormous service for women and men everywhere. Thank you, it is truly enlightening and so supportive to share our vulnerability…
And I loved the words from a wise woman that you shared, ‘if you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes, but it’s a gift at the same time, as you grow so much from it’. So healing.
I love how there can be such deep healing moments in the most simple things, like walking past another person. It’s a great reminder of how important self-awareness and connection are, and what being of service truly means. Thank you!
Dear Kate, Thank you for this beautiful reflection.
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable moment Kate. It is beautiful to read and so clear in the wisdom it delivers. I love how you bring light to the fact that ‘our unresolved issues can strongly affect any meeting of another person (whether by a look or a body gesture), and in this case especially, between a woman and man’. So true.
Thanks You Kate for this sharing as it came to me in the right moment – I’m just about to chat on skype with another man and this feeling of anxiousness is surrounding me and I have a history of really not wanting to feel this. Your words make me realise that it’s about me not wanting others to see me vulnerable and the defense has been there to shield others off. Tears are running down my face as I write this and I can really feel the strength in allowing myself to be vulnerable and how much more powerfull it is than trying to put up a face showing that everything is under control when in fact it’s not. Thanks again for sharing this Kate – it was great moment of opening up for me and I got to feel that it wasn’t that scary showing more of myself.
A lovely warm embrace coming your way – Matts
Matts it is so beautiful to read your comment and feel as a Man your vulnerability and that it has power in that. Allowing yourself to feel all of you and not being afraid to show it. Awesome
Matts, it’s gorgeous to feel what you write, about letting people see us as we are, seeing us in our vulnerability – great to be reminded and inspired today.
It’s actually great to read it myself to get a reminder of how easy it is when we stay open and honest with what we feel, and also that there is no ending to the love and quality we can feel with ourselves and others but a constant process of returning to a natural state of harmony.
Yes it’s a great learning and willingness to feel what is there to be felt even though it might be challenging at times, but so worth it and I’m constantly learning. In fact it feels as if the more I open up and feel the more is there to be opened up and felt into.
Thank you for sharing Kate a beautiful blog and so timely. I used to do that very same rounding of shoulder and wanting to hide or disappear not just with men but women as well. I was not worth being seen as a women, I would do everything to not get noticed, just incase I was going to be hurt. Only when I started to feel how this was affecting my whole body and way of being that I knew I had to make changes.Those wise words ‘If you let yourself feel the hurt or the vulnerability it passes”….this is so true and if we give ourself the time to honour this we can learn so much from these moments….now every day I am learning a little bit more about myself and no longer indulge in the hurts.
Alison, I so relate to what you share here, thank you.
Wow Kate, this is awesome, what an inspiration to read your words. I love how life presents us all with these amazing reflections, mini lessons that we can choose to learn from: “letting myself feel vulnerable gave me a greater understanding of me and what was still affecting how I felt about my body”. This reminds me to be more aware of how I am feeling when I meet people, not to shut down with anxiousness, but to open myself up to receiving them.
Thank you Kate, a very beautiful moment, and such understanding from your body.
Hi Kate
It’s great to reflect on how I have done the same thing in the past, and you have inspired me to choose to be more open in these situations. Thank you.
This is so awesome. Thank you for sharing with us.
Thank you Kate, what you have written is really lovely and helpful
Beauty-full Kate. Just beauty-full. Thanks for sharing the beauty & power that comes from being present & open to each moment and what lessons they can bring you. And if you shut down to that, how you shut down to it all. Lovely story, lovely expression of you.