A Martyr at Work: perfection serves no purpose

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been in competition with myself: do more, be more, do better, be better.  

Be the best you can be.  

What’s wrong with that one might ask? 

While it felt good for a while and I got a lot of recognition for it – being the reliable one who could always do anything I was asked to do and to a high quality, I’ve come to realise that it’s just not it. It is like a beast that is always hungry for more, no matter how many times a day I feed it, it keeps coming to the feeding station. It has got to a point where it is becoming not worth the trade-off of sacrificing my body and my connection to something I know is much bigger and far grander than the physical me and something that is in truth my greatest ‘craving’. For what? Just to get something done, tick things off a list and feel safe.  

What is this ‘safety’ that does anything but keep us ‘safe’? I have a PhD in learning that perfection is a hefty wall of protection that is very easy to hide behind. When we make everything that we do ‘perfect’ (whatever that looks like) and get attached to the picture perfect, we leave no gaps for anyone to offer their observations and even to criticise or disagree with us. And by doing that we build artificial borders around us with “no entry” signs and we cut ourselves off even more from people: people whose reflections we need and who also need our reflection to evolve and grow.  We simply cannot be or do without others. 

Yet, this is how most of the world lives. So many of us are lost in work, shopping, netflix, gossip, other people’s lives, complaining… it’s a long list. Waiting for the high of the next fleeting holiday to get us through to the next 6 months, or cup of tea and piece of cake, or task to tick off a list to get us through the day.. all are the same drug of reward, just different flavours.  

I might convince myself that I am reflecting some kind of superwoman to my team and the office with my can-do work ethic, but if I am driven and my body is hard, for being in drive is not our body’s natural modus operandi and it puts the body in a state of hardness much like when we are standing out in the freezing cold with inadequate clothing, and if I’m exhausted and silently resentful, they can still feel it. There is nothing that cannot be felt by another, there is only a choice to feel what’s going on under the physicality or not. And no matter how long I might believe I am staying under the radar – which includes my thoughts and the inner state of my body – no one is inspired by a lie, no matter how artfully and beautifully I might dress it up.  

I reached a crunch point the other day where I got to feel the drive and hardness of how I’d been working and pushing my body. When I overload myself with work and tasks and leave no space for these things let alone anything else, my body feels compressed and I feel joyless and disconnected. I feel out of sync and rhythm with myself, and irritated. There is a feeling of far greater density in my body with no space left for God to work alongside me while I’m doing what I’m doing, and no matter how hard I might try I can’t feel the depth of the magnificence of what we are all intrinsically connected to. Life feels very one dimensional and there is nothing to write about, or say. Rather than stop and allow myself to feel all of that, so that I can offer myself an opportunity to change the unpleasant state, often I will want to bury myself further into the numbness by working more, eating more … finding anything I can to distract myself.  No wonder the saying: we are our own worst enemy. 

But yesterday was different.  

I just allowed myself to accept where I was at and how I felt in my body, to feel how this cuts me off from that deeper knowing of myself and connecting with others, and to move differently. To pay attention to every single movement and bring focus to making it gentle. This super simple process instantly made me feel lighter and more inspired by what’s possible, and mostly that I wasn’t a bad person for having lost myself in overdrive. 

What I also got to feel was that as we refine our choices for how we are and how we move, the choices that aren’t aligned to that same gentle, tender and delicate quality really stand out and feel so much worse than what we  might have previously considered to be abusive.  

And there again is another choice: to react and judge the choice as ‘bad’, or to see it as an opportunity to learn and come out the other end much wiser and to treasure ourselves more. This is precisely how we continuously raise our standards in relationships with others across the board for what is and what is not allowed so that ultimately one day we all treat ourselves and our bodies as the sacred temples that they truly are. 

“Women must rekindle their own rhythms within society and not let society demand of them what is not natural to their body.”

Serge Benhayon, Esoteric Teachings & Revelations,  p526 

By B, UK  

For further inspiration.. 

Choosing function or true focus: how does this support us as we go about our day? The profoundness of self-care at all times.

What happens when we connect to our qualities and commit to making them our foundation for how we live in every moment of our day?

Unfolding Sacredness

Long before becoming a student of Universal Medicine, when I was in my early 30’s, I embarked on what I called at the time my ‘healing journey’. Abuse had featured heavily in my younger life and I longed to understand WHY (?)  

It was not that I set out with these intentions exactly, but I had a deep inner knowing that the abuse was somehow still running my life, that even though I had moved thousands of miles away and started a new life in another country, the abuse continued to be the leading character in my life and I had had enough of sharing centre stage with this life experience that I couldn’t seem to shake even when being far from the scene of the abuse.  

I saw three therapists. The first was a woman who came recommended by a friend and when she felt she could take me no further she put me in touch with a second therapist, a man who I was in therapy with off and on for a number of years. He helped me identify sufficient layers of hurt, anger and pain to enable me to get to a place where I was able to accept what had ‘happened to me’ and I was feeling less angry and in somewhat less pain which allowed me to function at a higher level than before.  

Eventually I stopped seeing him. I felt I needed a break. Life was pretty full on and I just wanted to make life about other things, and so I did. For a while. 

During these years of therapy, I clung to the belief that I was a victim. Being a victim answered the limited questions I was willing to ask at the time and made it possible for me to not look any further or dig any deeper. I became comfortable with the victim belief and I wore the cloak of victimhood well.  

In my 40’s I saw a third therapist for about a year. She helped me identify a few more layers but I still felt I wasn’t moving on. I felt stuck. Perhaps less stuck but stuck none-the-less. At the same time, the life that I had been choosing to live was beginning to feel distinctly…. uncomfortable. I had a deep knowing that there had to be more to life than the way I was living.  

It wasn’t until becoming a student of Universal Medicine that I finally started becoming un-stuck. The teachings of the Ageless Wisdom offered me the tools and support to not only peel back the crippling layers of hurt, pain and anger I had been living under for so long, but to address, understand and get to the root cause.  

It was miraculous to finally address and be free of the debilitating energy I had been living in. However, Universal Medicine and the teachings of the Ageless Wisdom didn’t just stop there…. I was willing and open to continue to support myself in evolving further and because I was willing and open, the Ageless Wisdom was able to offer more. And then more and still some more…  

As I gradually return to living in the exquisite new level of harmony I had been keeping myself disconnected from for lifetimes, I am continually bringing long held beliefs to the fore to be pondered on, examined and released if I find they aren’t serving me or anyone else for that matter.  

And so, the unfiltered questioning of what role being a victim was playing in my life.  

In the process of considering this question I reached an understanding that the belief that I was a victim was exactly that – a belief. A belief I chose to sign up to at the time to keep me on the carousel of victimhood.  

What??? 

I was like a horse ready to bolt, feeling horrendously exposed and wanting to crawl back under the blanket of comfort I’d wrapped myself up in to keep me in and the world out. I could feel a part of me saying and then shouting, “I do not want to go there!!!”  

Which helped me to understand that this was exactly where I was going. I have come to know that when I am feeling exposed it means there is something I have been hiding behind to keep me in disconnection from the Divine love within and to keep me from evolving. It is at that point that I have a choice: to either keep hiding under the blanket of comfort OR gently and tenderly hold myself in such a way that I can fully embrace my next evolutionary steps.   

The more I started letting go of the belief that I was a victim, the more space became available for the Truth to reveal itself in the form of a few questions:  In the very moment I chose to disconnect from and deny my own sacredness, was this not first and foremost an abuse of myself in the most profound, even if at first not the most obvious, sense of the word?  

In choosing to walk away from what I know is my innate sacredness have I not forsaken myself as the beautifully tender and nurturing woman I naturally am?  

And in choosing to disconnect from my sacredness, what have I been choosing to connect to instead? 

Any disconnection from my inner most being opens me up to destructive and debilitating energies that leave no space for the beauty of sacredness and, in fact, keeps me in an energy that is as far removed from sacredness as one can get. These destructive and debilitating energies are what kept me contracted, disconnected and in avoidance of the true love I naturally am and that we all come from.  

By contrast, in my ever-deepening connection to my inner self I am discovering a sweet, sentient and sacred part of me I had long been oblivious to. It is only in the peeling away of all the layers I had carefully and strategically put in place in my misguided attempt to protect myself and keep myself ‘safe’ that I have been able to connect to the courage and willingness within to reclaim centre stage and reconnect and return to my inner heart, my inner most…..the ultimate sacred space so worthy of cherishing.

In returning and reconnecting to my untouched, Divine essence, there has been a beautifully loving allowing to feel the consequence of the crushing depth of denial of the same, and the effect it has had not only on myself, but on all those around me.  

As I reclaim that which is at the core of every woman’s being, I bring myself back into alignment with the Divinely gracious being I naturally am, therefore offering this reflection for every woman. In so doing it brings the balance of outwardly-looking power back to where it truly belongs – within. The unfolding of this magical and majestic process then creates the space for men to return and re-align to their natural tenderness, sensitivity and yes, sacredness too.  

Reclaiming our sacredness brings us all back to who we naturally, tenderly and innately are, and once we do so the honouring of the sacredness within, honours and holds all others equally so.  

By Brigette Evans, UK

For further inspiration… 

Do we learn to mask a lack of self-worth as we grow older, or take the steps to address it? Natalie Benhayon writes.. 

What does it mean to have a sacred relationship with yourself? 

Self-loathing, My Closet, and Me

The weekend before last, I was feeling great in myself, no feeling of self-loathing in sight and whilst tidying my room I decided to go through the clothes in my closet. I was in the mood for a deep clear out, and it was definitely needed!

My Closet and My Body Image

Around two and a half years ago I put on a substantial amount of weight (around 10kg) and within a number of months another 5kg got added more gradually. This was a consequence of not wanting to move forward in my life, and instead digging my heels in. As a result a lot of my clothes, especially jeans and dresses, didn’t fit me any more. My body image hit rock bottom, and my self-loathing skyrocketed.

The Effects of Image in Media – Not so Sexy for Young Women

Image is huge in our society, with a constant bombardment of what you should look like from all sides in media and social media. Thankfully, as a society we are starting to become more aware of how the images we see everyday affect us and especially influence our younger generation.

Recent studies show that the impact of early exposure of sexuality to a girl’s development is indeed very harmful. A report by the American Psychological Association task force (APA, 2007), found that girls who are exposed to sexual messages from popular culture are more likely to have depression, low self esteem and to suffer from eating disorders. Unfortunately, we are only currently seeing the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the devastating effects of over sexualizing our young girls, especially with the advent of social media.

True Nurturing – The Way I Return to Me

by Adrienne Ryan, Brisbane, Australia

I went to a presentation for women today hosted by Jenny Ellis and Mary Louise Myers from Universal Medicine. What was shared there about ‘True Nurturing’ inspired me deeply…

Nurturing is something I had begun to invest in by taking time to be attentive to what was needed to support me throughout my day. Before this, I can see how my way of life was designed to waste no time: a 2 minute shower, 5 minute dressed and ready to go, multi-task my way through many things at once, not wasting time painting my nails or spending too much time on my hair or paying too much attention to what to wear on an ‘ordinary’ day, and so on. In all this speedy efficiency there was no quality time, no space for just enjoying being with me – it was all about ‘moving on’, ‘getting things done’, ‘not holding other people up’, or ‘not taking up too much of their time or space’ and certainly not indulging in any perceived self-absorbed frivolous-ness or girlie-ness – these were just big unnecessary, indulgent, time wasters.

But today things are different. I have come to love making time to take my time getting ready for the day, tenderly and lovingly looking after myself, enjoying putting on makeup and clothes that highlight (not hide) my beauty and womanliness. I make time to take my time now, and because I do I get to enjoy the feeling of me – the loveliness that is within me – and I notice that I don’t want to brush this off, dismiss, diminish, play it down, reject or deny my innate preciousness anymore. Instead I want to honour it, embrace it and confirm the truth of it: I am worth TIME.

Today at the Brisbane Women’s Presentation I discovered

Reclaiming My Self Worth

by Danielle, 31, Goonellabah, Australia

I have had many experiences in my life where I felt that I was never good enough. It was like I could hear a silent language in everything and everyone around me, underlying or hidden in words or comments that were said to me, or in a gaze from someone’s eyes that came my way. Even ‘nice’ and ‘kind’ words that were spoken to me carried a silent language that there was something wrong with me.

I was either too outspoken or too withdrawn, too emotional, too sensitive or not sensitive enough, too abrupt, I was too serious, too blasé, too fat or too thin, too hard, too girly, not womanly, I didn’t listen or I wasn’t saying enough, I did too much or I didn’t do enough, I cried too much, I didn’t care enough, I was stuck up, I dressed too casual or I over dressed, I was selfish or I fussed over others too much, I never smiled or my smiles were fake, I demanded too much or my standards weren’t high enough…

Who I Am Not, Discovering more of me as a Woman

by Julie Ferguson, Mackay

A little while ago I attended an Esoteric Women’s Group in Mackay. This is my experience…

As I sit here, trying to support myself to write what I truly feel instead of what my head is telling me, I realise how challenging for me this is.

The me I have become is all about how I look, the house I live in, the car I drive, the friends I have, the way my children behave or any of the million other boxes I feel I have to tick to show the world I’m doing just fine.

I feel vulnerable, fragile even to go here with myself, as I realise I don’t feel fine.

I breathe gently, allowing myself to feel how afraid I’ve become to simply be myself as I, like many women and men I know, have grown up with feelings of not being enough. 

From Russia, With Love

 by Elena Light, London, UK

I was contracted for so long… And I cannot be any more.

That’s what I felt for very long while reading sensible and beautiful posts of other women. I can relate to everything everyone wrote, some more than others, even though sometimes I need to keep my dictionary nearby.

I grow up in the Soviet Union with centuries old believes about women, men and relationships. In that society was absolutely normal to live with a drinking man if he doesn’t beat his wife. If he does drink and abuses but brings money and ‘loves’ her and children it still would be better than being alone. There was, and still is, saying “not the best but my own”. And being married is absolute MUST.

From my early years I saw my grandmother being very patient with her husband drinking; my mother had two husbands, both alcoholics and violent. So from this age my idea of love was patience and sacrifice.

New Period and Full Moon Diary App And So Much More

by AP, Sydney, Australia

I was really looking forward to hearing Natalie Benhayon talk about the new ‘Period and Full Moon Diary’ App she was launching. This is not just for women who are still menstruating, but is also just as applicable for menopausal women, like me, or even young women who haven’t started their periods yet. This new App will be a perfect way to record how I’m feeling from day to day so I can see when there’s a pattern emerging. Was I frustrated for just a few days, or was it actually a lot more than that?… and if so, I can then think about what caused that frustration. Did something happen at work, or with a friend? With this honesty and awareness, I have the opportunity to make different choices moving forward. Maybe I speak up more when I’m with my friends and say how I really feel about something, rather than just going along with the group. Or at home, I could explain to my teenage sons that I’m really tired and would love some help with dinner, rather than feeling frustrated and then snapping at everyone because I’m annoyed that I’m doing everything myself! As we can make notes on a daily basis with the period diary, I can see how the changes I make affect me, not just on a daily basis, but also with regard to my cycle. I know how I am feeling each day, but I can honestly say that I can’t remember, with clarity, how I felt yesterday, let alone the days before. I’m really looking forward to using the App, specifically as I’d like to look back over the days and weeks to see what I can learn from it.

I Am Enough – The Confirming of ME

by Emily Billsborough, Wollongbar, Australia

As women we quite often can get caught up in looking outside of ourselves for attention or approval. This ‘seeking of approval’ is something that many of us get affected by in various ways throughout our lives. For example, we may seek approval from being recognised as the ‘best mother’ (or best wife, girlfriend, daughter); the ‘most attractive’, ‘smartest’, ‘most successful’ or ‘athletic woman’.

In the past I have felt that I was ‘not enough’. And I mainly sought attention or approval from men. It could be my partner (if I had one at the time), male friends, or in fact any young man around my age who caught my eye whilst I’d be walking down the street and whose directed attention could easily help make me feel better about myself…

It didn’t seem to matter how I received this attention or approval.