In September 2005 I conceived my first child, by November I needed no pregnancy test to tell me I was with child: I can remember opening the curtains one morning, standing still and once again clocking this deep vibration, a fluttering pulse within my body that was strangely unfamiliar yet at the same quite natural, I knew. Turning to my partner, I told him we were having a baby.
I felt amazed and blessed by the power of this bodily communication I was offered by my unborn child – an inner hum that emanated through my every cell, I felt deeply humbled and radiant.
I wanted to be a mother from as early as I can remember.
This was not due to seeing my mum love being a mum, it was that I felt I would be good at it and that it would be great to be able to love something I created. Well, my childhood wish came true and I ended up being totally lost in mothering my seven children – yes you read correctly, it was the wish that kept on giving.
In being caught up in fulfilling my childhood belief that I would be a good mother, I lost my connection to the fact that I am a woman before I am anything else for anyone else.
What does it mean to be a good mother? Do your children have to live in the same house as you? And what if they don’t? Do you constantly have to be there for your children? There are so many pictures we as women, and as mothers have bought into – but are they true?
Do these ideals make the relationship with our children more loving or do they keep us imprisoned in a way that we are supposed to behave?
This is a letter for all daughters to read to get a glimpse of how their mothers may have felt about them when they were teenagers or now that they are teenagers. This letter may also uncover how we wished our mothers had communicated to us when we were becoming women and making our way in the world. This letter offers us an opportunity to feel and heal any sadness we may have hiding away in relation to our mothers and our relationship. Where there is a line just insert your name, reading this letter as if your mother wrote it just for you.Continue reading “A Letter for all Women and Girls”→
As the story below shows, when comparison plays out between mothers and daughters, it creates a legacy that keeps women small, stunted and locked in worthlessness for generations.
Recently, a friend shared how her daughter-in-law to be was a beautiful young woman inside and out, but her mother was a little wacky. The three women went together to the bridal dress fitting and when the young bride-to-be drew the curtain back, it was breathtaking to behold her beauty – the glow and delicateness of her; she was gorgeous. My friend noticed how the young woman’s eyes went straight to her mother. When her mother remained silent, the young woman asked “Well, what do you think?” and the mother answered, “If you like it then that’s all that matters”. Born of comparison and jealousy, this comment was designed to crush.
Have we not all done some version of this to another woman, and been on the receiving end of it ourselves?
When I was a small child I held a connection with my mother like nobody else. For the first 5 days of my life it was just her and I in a hospital room, all the staff and nurses simply left us to be with each other knowing I was the 4th child born in the family and that mum knew exactly how to be with her new born.
I knew what love was, it was the warmth my mother wrapped me in with her eyes, as well as the swaddled and delicate way she held me. She cared for me unreservedly, and from the very beginning I knew I was supported to simply be myself.
This is my favourite photo of my Mum and I. We simply adored each other and I had a very close relationship with my mother in many ways. She was the person I went to when the world made no sense, for she listened, truly listened. With her depth of understanding and wisdom she was naturally supportive to others in the same way. She never told you what to do she simply listened. I treasure what she brought to me, which made it difficult to be honest about the hurt I felt during all the other times when she was unable to meet me and receive the true joy I felt at being alive and present in the world. Continue reading “My Relationship with my Mother”→
Travelling the world, successful, different not mainstream, fun to be with, partying lifestyle, good-looking and with a job that had the purpose to change the structures we live in and make the world a better place. Yet at the same time I was bored with life and could not see its deeper meaning. Getting older, having a family and importantly raising kids seemed to be the sole purpose to life, but I already did this back in my early twenties supporting my sister in bringing up her daughter, my niece. The role of ‘mothering’ came easily to me and felt very natural; I just loved taking care of little kids and babies. I enjoyed their easiness and calmness. But the event of my years’ later miscarriage offered me a different view and opened me up to the possibility of what true mothering and motherhood was, and that this first stemmed from a way in which I treated and looked after myself. Continue reading “Miscarriage – The Blessing That Opened Me Up To True Motherhood”→
I have spent a lot of my mothering time navigating my way through the rules, regulations and rights and wrongs of motherhood. It is an area of life that is so littered with ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ and idealism and beliefs, that I felt it would be fun to shine a light on some of these motherhood myths:
MOTHERHOOD MYTH 1:Caring for myself is indulgent and selfish.
Now this is rampant in society, outside of motherhood as well as in and lots of us come into it with this belief deeply entrenched. Looking back I can see that I was brutal with myself and so dis-respectful, expecting to function on poor sleep, rubbish food, toxins and stimulants. I was aware of the saying that ‘you cannot look after others if you do not look after yourself’, but heard that as: do the minimum for yourself to keep functioning so that you can still look after others. It has taken me some time to break through and really know that I cannot share anything with others unless it is practiced and lived by me. If I want my children to care for themselves, they have to see me caring for myself first. Continue reading “5 Motherhood Myths”→
Walking into a business this week being complimented on how great I looked, then being met with utter confusion by the clerk as to how I could look so great when she found out I had 2 children (a 6 yr old and a 12 month old), made me ponder on how we women see ourselves when we become mothers.
A lot of women feel a sense of losing their identity after having children – they become someone’s mother. Some also believe it is impossible to maintain the same level of care for themselves when they become mothers. Continue reading “The Woman, The Mother”→