My Relationship with my Mother

My Relationship with my Mother
My  favourite photo of my Mum and I…

This is my favourite photo of my Mum and I. We simply adored each other and I had a very close relationship with my mother in many ways. She was the person I went to when the world made no sense, for she listened, truly listened. With her depth of understanding and wisdom she was naturally supportive to others in the same way. She never told you what to do she simply listened. I treasure what she brought to me, which made it difficult to be honest about the hurt I felt during all the other times when she was unable to meet me and receive the true joy I felt at being alive and present in the world.

Our relationship with our mother is so important, for our mothers are the first relationship and first connection we make in life with another. It is in this relationship that we make the transition from a baby, to developing relationships with others as a child and on into our adult lives.

It is from our mothers that we first learn how to nurture ourselves and others.

What I have come to realise is our mothers, as women, offer us the opportunity to really feel what nurturing is, by how they live and express themselves in their daily lives, their gift is not about how they mother us. Mothering to me conjures up feelings of being attached and smothered whereas nurturing is something you are shown, you feel it in another’s gestures, tone and touch. It’s a holding energy, like a cradle that supports you in tenderness and deep heartfelt understanding and gives you the opportunity to express these loving qualities with yourself and others.

My mother was a beautiful, gentle woman who had experienced an extraordinary amount of loss of loved ones, including two of her own children when they were under the age of 5. Hence, my days were shrouded by an incredible amount of grief and sadness. As an adult it is easy to reconcile a relationship with one’s mother in one’s mind, for how can one ridicule someone so sweet and lovely for not being there, being present and there for you in every moment of your day?

My response to her not always being present was to check out a lot, just like Mum did, or enjoin her in her sadness and grief from those difficult things in her life. When I checked out, I chose to live in a world of make believe where I would paint a picture of how I wanted the world to be and live as if I was existing in that, rather than honouring what I truly felt was going on in the real world. I certainly made myself into a pretty good “Pollyanna”!

As part of this make-believe world, all you would hear from me was praise about how great my relationship was with my mother. It wasn’t until I commenced Esoteric Breast Massage sessions that I felt supported to express and let go of all the hurt that was occurring in our relationship and release all the grief and sadness I held in my body. This was the only modality I had ever come across that allowed me to heal what was difficult to admit to about my relationship with my mother and truly start to self-nurture.

With the Esoteric Breast Massage I was able to get to a point where once I had let go of the hurt and pain I could deeply feel and appreciate the natural, sweet and precious quality that emanated from both my mother and I.

There is no longer any need for me to check out or live in a world where I make up stories in my head to compensate for the lack of connection I may truly be feeling in my relationships today, and I can now see my mother and me shine ever so brightly in all our beauty.

by Suzanne Cox, Ocean Shores, Australia

324 thoughts on “My Relationship with my Mother

  1. Relationships change because the relationship with ourselves changes. My mum and I are closer than ever through a more honest way of living. There is warmth in the relationship that is deeply nurturing and as I deepen the connection in love for myself so too does the relationship with my mum deepen… it is a constant unfolding of the love that we are.

  2. Everyday I appreciate my mum more and more, everyday I see more beauty, more love and more wisdom and more of the universe, this is an enormous confirmation as it means as she is reflecting back to me more of the true qualities in myself.

  3. Often we have relationships where we have an idealised picture, and those are the ones where we are not honest about what we truly feel, but in fact allowing that honesty gives the space to provide a more true and deep foundation of our relationship … no matter how messy it might seem it’s worth going there.

  4. It was through Esoteric Breast Massage that I began to feel that quality of sweetness in myself and allowed myself to accept it and appreciate it and enjoy the feeling of sweetness in my body.

  5. Suzanne, your sharing has giving me much to ponder on about my relationship with my Mum and has exposed some areas which still require healing, thank you.

  6. Smothering doesn’t allow another person to know who they are or to grow into themselves.. it simply squashes and stunts. Mothering, in its true sense, feels to be more about holding and seeing another in their true qualities and essence: allowing them to be all that they are and giving them the space to be and to know that, and to claim it for themselves.

  7. We convey so much to children, and other people by how we live, this brings a responsibility in how we are choosing to live, ‘our mothers, as women, offer us the opportunity to really feel what nurturing is, by how they live and express themselves in their daily lives.’

  8. We have to know ourselves as women before we can truly mother our children. Developing a relationship with ourselves as women builds a foundation of love where we can observe, nurture and hold our children rather than impose and try to control them for our own selfish needs.

  9. It can be hard to grasp the extent to which our relationships with our mother imprint the patterns and beliefs we choose to live with. But if we stop and see this, they can so quickly dissolve and disappear.

  10. Hurt and pain are just barriers that get in the way of holding one another in the love that we all are. A great reminder that love does conquer all and that the levels of surrender to love are limitless.

  11. The reflection of our mothers is crucial to our understanding of what it is to be a woman and for me the pain of growing up with a mother who was often not present because of heavy medication led to years of checking out myself to avoid feeling the pain of not being met by my mother. Modalities such as the EBM have been so supportive in me uncovering the tender woman who lay beneath the layers of protection that I had built up which left me isolated and anxious whereas now I enjoy exploring my relationship with myself and others.

  12. I have never had a close relationship with my mother but in the last year or so I have been really getting to know her and appreciate what an amazing person she is. I feel we are both loving the deeper honesty we are sharing with each other which is naturally deepening our relationship we have with each other.

  13. In the photo in this article you are so sweet and open, a delicate little girl who loves to love. And it is clear to see that your mother knows this about you and that she cherishes this in you, even though her sadness is also plain to see, there is an adoration of you, her precious child.

  14. Hurt and pain arises to give us an opportunity to let go of; hold on to it and we protect and bury it leaving it to fester within the body. We have to be willing to be honest and let go of the righteousness that comes with holding onto our hurts in order to love and hold our body with the respect and regard it so rightly deserves.

    1. So true Caroline I was righteously holding onto my hurts for many years but letting go of that burden has transformed my life and allowed so much more joy in.

  15. This is gorgeous to have had this in your life, and to have had a mum who truly listened, ‘She was the person I went to when the world made no sense, for she listened, truly listened. With her depth of understanding and wisdom she was naturally supportive to others in the same way. She never told you what to do she simply listened.’

  16. Many of us do this, we want so much connection with our parents and others that we make a fabricated version of reality to protect the fact that it is not as it could be, it is so important when we begin to realise this that we do go in to blame and judgment of either person but instead observe and learn from it and move on with understanding and love. This is beautifully expressed in this article.

  17. It’s such an important point that we can’t reconcile a relationship with another until we reconcile the relationship we have with ourselves – discover a sweetness in ourselves and we discover it in everyone.

  18. This blog invites me to appreciate how my relationship with my mother has changed after working with Universal Medicine. From simpathy and ‘perfect relationship’ to more honesty and deep appreciation for the beautiful and delicate woman she is.

    1. My relationship with my mother has also changed from becoming a student of Universal Medicine. What I am noticing is that there is an acceptance and understanding of her on my part. She is not perfect and never has been and as I let go of these impositions I have placed on myself I am also beginning to open myself up to seeing and appreciating the beauty and warmth she naturally reflects and shines.

  19. Esoteric Breast Massage is deeply supporting many women around the globe to let go all what have carried for so long in our bodies that doesn’t really belongs to us. As I could experience, it’s a blessing to be able to reconnect back with my tenderness and huge sensitivity thanks to these sessions. There is nothing more delightful and enriching than being holded with such care and respect from the practicioner, which allows me everytime discover more my true nature as a woman.

  20. Love the way you described your relationship with your mother Suzanne. It is very honouring and deeply loving. There is not ounce of judgment or idealization, but the living truth from what you felt. Very beautiful.

  21. A very powerful sharing on nurturing s mothering. As a mother who has a young daughter – this blog supports me to see that it is about how I am and what I reflect to my daughter that counts – and how I can start by building a nurturing relationship with myself that she will observe and feel. Otherwise – mothering in the sense of keeping things on track and watching your child every second is pretty exhausting if you don’t connect to the purpose and opportunity behind it.

  22. How can a mother – who was not truly nurtured herself – pass this on to her children? We all do the best we can but when we learn more about loving and nurturing ourselves it becomes our responsibility to let go of the hurt of not having that as a child and to nurture and love ourselves deeply. This we can then reflect out to society at large – and we can let go of any hurts we may feel about our parenting.

  23. Esoteric Breast Massage is an amazing modality, fantastic that you was able to let go of grief and sadness that had been holding in your body.
    We can carry around with us so many unwanted emotions hence why Universal medicine therapies are so super beneficial and so needed.

  24. It is a gorgeous photo. You can see clearly by the way you are leaning into each other and in the eyes how much adoration there was between you.

  25. This is a such an amazing sharing Suzanne on so many levels and in so many ways as many of us could tell a similar story. As young children we do adore our parents . . they are our world and as a parent your sharing makes it crystal clear just how you important it is to be fully present with your children.

  26. The Esoteric Breast Massage modality is a true blessing for women and had it be available to your mother she too would have had the opportunity to let go of the grief and sadness that she was holding in her body.

  27. ” I can now see my mother and me shine ever so brightly in all our beauty. ” what a photo that will be for the world thank you for sharing Suzanne

  28. Thank you for sharing this Suzanne as it shows that through our own understanding and deepening relationships, we can not only learn and share a great deal about each other, but also hold them in the utmost love for who they truly are with honesty and a open heart.

  29. Understanding other people deeply is such a great thing to do and makes us able to truly hold someone in love, even though their behaviour might be not as we would have wanted it to be.

    1. Very true Lieke. We can’t change other’s behaviours but we can change ourselves by being more love everyday and reflecting how beautiful and enriching is living in this way. By holding ourselves in love we are doing the same for others.

  30. Our parents are like super heroes to us as children and it can come as a bit of a shock to realise later that they didn’t always match our idealised version of them. Accepting them and all that happened (or didn’t happen) is part of the journey to maturity.

  31. Thank you for expressing this so tenderly and it is beautiful to feel how the EBM supported you to let go of the pain and hurt around your relationship with your mother and thus made space for appreciation.

  32. I love how the Universal Medicine modalities allow for issues to surface and then loving hold you in a space so that you can address them, then heal and expand not only the relationship you have with yourself but as a knock on affect, that with others. It is very much like the energy of true mothering, which as you so beautifully expressed, is a holding energy, that supports you in tenderness and deep heartfelt understanding, giving you the opportunity to express these loving qualities with yourself and others. Both equally gorgeous.

  33. ‘It is from our mothers that we first learn how to nurture ourselves and others.’ – I loved reading this comment – as I have a young daughter and reading this really grounds the purpose of our relationship. My daughter watches my every move, and I have to appreciate that she is learning from me all the time. I have an amazing opportunity to reflect to her that it is OK to be delicate and sensitive and claim ourselves as women.

    1. That’s such a great way to approach parenting, a magnificent opportunity to reflect to another what’s really important and precious in this world.

  34. Life can be incredibly tough and we all have different ways of dealing with it, I think sometimes we expect our parents to be perfect and forget they are people too and they also feel everything we feel. I adore how sweetly you talk about your mum, this kind of understanding of each other is so important.

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