Apology not Accepted

by Kathryn Fortuna, Inner Image Consultant, Bendigo, Australia

“The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion, but cosmetics are easier to buy”.  (Yves Saint Laurent)

When I see your face…

I see so much more than just your features. I see your past, your worries, your thoughts, your fragility and your innermost beauty. I see and feel an energetic map of your lives etched across your face.

As a professional Makeup artist I have worked with faces for more than 25 years. The differences between them have been distinctive, yet I have loved every single one of them.

When I see your face, I see and feel your eyes. Your windows, your truth and often your hiding. I also feel your sadness, joy and hurt and so much more…

When I see your face, I see the Angel living inside. We all come in different forms and often the supposedly ‘plainest’ face can hold the most beautiful person beneath it. The classically beautiful face can sometimes hide a person who feels objectified, hurt and judged. When I look, I feel for your essence in there.

Often over the years I have noticed that EVERYONE is beautiful when they smile from the deepest part of themselves… their soul… no matter what they look like.

As an Inner Image consultant I have noticed that women will often apologise for how they look. They will sit down in front of me and say things like:

  • I am sorry I look a mess today.
  • I am sorry I am looking tired.
  • I am sorry I have no makeup on.
  • I am old and wrinkled, freckled, plain, tired etc.
  • I am asked: what can you do with this old face?

The younger ladies will often have layers of makeup on to hide behind or feel that they may be looked at in judgement from me… they apologise also.

Well, I am here to say to you that your apology is not accepted. Because in truth, when you apologise, you are saying you are not good enough.

Women have spent their lives rubbing, pinching, applying creams, makeup, lotions, facials, hair dying, surgery, the list goes on – to have a ‘beautiful’ face.

We compare, compete and comply. With our sisters, mothers, daughters and friends.  

“It’s an unspoken war on women, and we are the enemy”.

We are taught from birth that if we look pretty, attractive and sexy according to society’s definition, that there lies the answer to a successful life.

We are taught that we are better looking when we are young and as we age and wrinkle we lose this attractiveness. This is not true.

9 Reasons for Women to Smile

  1. Make no apology for how you look. Accept your own face the way it is. Without makeup.
  2. When you apply makeup – do it to celebrate your beautiful face, not to mask it.
  3. Know that you chose your looks for a reason.
  4. Start expressing your true thoughts about beauty with your friends – open up the opportunity to connect withOUT comparison.
  5. Accept your age, nationality and cultural features: if you feel to have surgery – instead spend the money on some loving counselling sessions to see why you choose to change your face.
  6. See the Angel within you. Your face will begin to make loving sense.
  7. Smile your big smile from who you truly are and never apologise for being uniquely, strangely, oddly, classically beautiful.
  8. Teach your baby daughters to love their own reflection by accepting and loving your own first. You have a responsibility to change the cycle.
  9. Spend a moment each day staring into your own eyes – see your innermost beauty with love and self-acceptance.

Show us your passion. 

1,370 thoughts on “Apology not Accepted

  1. Thank you Kathryn, it’s a beautiful read. “Spend a moment each day staring into your own eyes – see your innermost beauty with love and self-acceptance.” This is very supportive and something I can easily do each day, I already do take a few moments to see my myself in my eyes but instead of it being fleeting I can spend some more time with myself to go deeper in self love in these moments.

  2. One of the most beautiful things is a women complelty unapologetic of how she looks dame a women is hot when she is in her power. No apologises needed.

  3. Never be apologetic for feeling beautiful, never bring yourself down just because you’re standing out – for when we do that we close off to the beauty of our heart, we close off from the love in our veins and there is no pain greater than that.

    1. And we don’t need to apologise either when we are not doing so well, just allow ourselves space and love whilst we work through things.

  4. If we want the world to change I feel we must start with ourselves first and that does mean reflecting back to all children our own ability to love ourselves first, this naturally supports others to feel their own love. You cannot tell someone to love themselves I know this doesn’t work from my own experience it is through the reflection of someone loving themselves so much that this love can be tangibly felt and then the desire to connect to the same love naturally develops.

    1. At the moment we are teaching kids to love others but not themselves, many parents are truly decent in the way they love and care for their kids but the problem is as kids we role model on our parents (who do not self love), and we can become self sacrificing in the same unloving way to ourselves when we become adults. Either way, we are always role modeling.

  5. Thank you for not accepting the apology and in so doing offering women a different approach. I have apologised so much for my very existence and have brought upon myself much self denigration, lack of worth and derision. Now at 52, against the rules, I feel more valuable, beautiful and real than I ever have before – a series of choices and huge thanks to women around me and the work of Universal Medicine.

  6. Apologising for myself has been a major thorn in my side for a long time and I am pleased to be extracting this now since it is a form of self-denigration that is insidious and very detrimental.

  7. The face is a record of the past and how we are feeling right now. That’s why an energetic facial release is so powerful, as it can release many long held tensions and strains and release the inner beauty that we all have inside.

  8. I love the number 9 reason to smile, which I also practice everyday: even if I have a really difficult day, I can still see the love and beauty in my eyes. And that is worth celebrating! Also for men.

  9. I know a Milion reasons why we are beautiful. Every touch, smile, step we make from the inner love touches a million stars.

  10. There is nothing more beautiful and honouring of a woman’s beauty than to have your make-up one or haircut by a practitioner who sees real beauty. The woman who cuts my hair sees exactly that, the beauty in my eyes and the delicateness in my complexion – she cuts my hair in accordance to that and I leave feeling beautiful every time.

  11. Love the title of your article Kathyrn, we could make a habit of doing the same when we hear a woman putting herself down–’apology not accepted’…..and remind each other to look deep into our eyes in the mirror and truly see what is there.

    1. Yes victoria picone, absolutely agree….we have a responsibility to each other. Our beauty lived is a blessing to everyone.,

  12. It is when a woman truly knows and connects with herself she shines from her innermost essence and naturally reflects this beauty to the world. Through choosing to be more gentle and loving with ourselves we are able to let go of the hardness that suppresses our true beauty and expression to naturally uncover the delicate, graceful nature of our true being.

  13. This blog challenges the status quo – many women are ‘sorry’ for the way they look – how horrendous is that for the young generations to feel? We need more role models claimed and accepting of there light and beauty.

  14. I have been doing this a lot more recently and it feels very gorgeous to accept and to see the absolute beauty of my face; ‘Make no apology for how you look. Accept your own face the way it is. Without makeup.’ I have observed that the more I accept my self and am caring and understanding of myself, the more beauty I see.

  15. I agree – this is absolutely not true; ‘We are taught that we are better looking when we are young and as we age and wrinkle we lose this attractiveness. This is not true.’ I see an absolute beauty in the face of the elders that I know.

  16. I would absolutely agree with this; ‘Often over the years I have noticed that EVERYONE is beautiful when they smile from the deepest part of themselves… their soul… no matter what they look like.’

  17. It can easily be said that there is not a moment when a woman is not beautiful, simply because she is. But there will be many who disagree with this because they may feel that they do not fit the media agenda of what beauty is that is being poured out to us constantly. But we are powerful. We can see these images and say no to their damaging influence, so that no young girls are raised to be fed the same insidious ideals. This is perhaps the greater purpose of our responses to the media imagery – to stop it now so that no one else has to endure it, because are we not responsible for what our young are exposed to?

  18. I have been noticing recently how many people say sorry and apologise for their very existence, the fact they are standing in the way of someone, or someone is trying to get around them. And this behaviour was rubbing off onto me and I noticed I started saying it too. I notice it and stopped it immediately, and now repeat as you say, ‘apology not accepted.’

  19. “Apology is not accepted. Because in truth, when you apologise, you are saying you are not good enough.” How true this is and how sad that we do not enjoy embrace and love every part of us in all of our godliness and heavenly expression we are. A beautiful sharing for all women to appreciate and love ourselves forever more.

  20. “Often over the years I have noticed that EVERYONE is beautiful when they smile from the deepest part of themselves… their soul… no matter what they look like.” So true and something for us all to appreciate who we really are and the joy radiating through our eyes really does light up the world.

  21. “The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion, but cosmetics are easier to buy” I can so easily see by how being afraid to speak from the place of passion and holding back we hold back our light love and truth from the world and we disempower ourselves in the process. Beauty shines through when we allow ourselves to be connected to our essence and not try and fit into any preconceived ideas about how we should or should not behave.

  22. I had a conversation today about how much effort is spent on convincing us to buy stuff that we don’t really need, and how we’re already pretty amazing – it’s just that we don’t affirm or confirm that to and within ourselves. As women start waking up to how incredible and beautiful we really are, with or without make up, so the beauty industry will change – because the change will come from us, demanding products that celebrate and confirm who we are, instead of what we (mostly) currently have: accepting ourselves as less unless we have a particular look or style, and buying products to make that happen – fixing and improving, instead of celebrating and appreciating.

  23. Coming back to this exquisite blog I suddenly realised the moments of apologising for how I am looking are virtually non-existent these days and that feels amazing. And following on from that realisation is the knowing that this is because I am re-learning to value myself more than I have ever done. And the deeper I value me the fewer the reasons I have for apologising, something that I choose to no longer have in my life. Why would I feel the need to apologise for the wonderful woman I am?

  24. This is so true, so good to call it out and not accept women putting themselves down, ‘I am here to say to you that your apology is not accepted. Because in truth, when you apologise, you are saying you are not good enough.’

  25. The more we support each other and call out what is not loving for ourselves in the way we talk about ourselves the more we get to feel how much we actually do. What I have realised is that this can only come from a place where I am doing this with myself first and wow it happens a lot more than we care to realise.

  26. Returning to your beautiful blog this morning Kathryn was just the healing I needed at this moment in time. Your wise words touched me deep inside and brought tears to my eyes with the loving reminder that I am more than what I focus on in the mirror. The deep tiredness that is present right now is so evident in every part of my face but as I read ‘smile reason number 9’ I took a moment to gaze into my eyes and there I was, the beautiful woman who does not need to apologise for anything.

  27. I so love this blog, it is revolutionary, imagine how much money the beauty industry would lose if we all woke up to that fact that we are all absolute gorgeous right now. Of course they don’t want us to know!

  28. It is deeply sad that we apologise for how we look. Bring on the celebration of our beauty – even when we have bags under our eyes or pimples, our beauty radiates beyond that.

  29. It is a false perception that we have subscribed to as women, that our beauty is determined by the clothes we wear or the make-up we put on. Yet we so often feel that this is not enough, because it isn’t. The connection to who we are within is where our beauty lies, and when you observe a woman who walks in step with her connection to who she is, she emanates beauty, power and grace, which is always an inspiration for me and an opportunity to appreciate the same beauty that we all hold within.

    1. Our beauty can be expressed through the clothes and make up we wear, but that is not what defines our beauty.

  30. Lovely to come back to this blog today and feel all those demeaning apologies and how silly they are and then the reasons to shine. I love how we can inspire each other by living in our fullness, we can celebrate together our sexiness and our sacredness. We can bring joy where there was once mere happiness. We can let that joy emanate from deep within and bubble to the surface bringing a sparkle to the day or night.

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