Who I Am Not, Discovering more of me as a Woman

by Julie Ferguson, Mackay

A little while ago I attended an Esoteric Women’s Group in Mackay. This is my experience…

As I sit here, trying to support myself to write what I truly feel instead of what my head is telling me, I realise how challenging for me this is.

The me I have become is all about how I look, the house I live in, the car I drive, the friends I have, the way my children behave or any of the million other boxes I feel I have to tick to show the world I’m doing just fine.

I feel vulnerable, fragile even to go here with myself, as I realise I don’t feel fine.

I breathe gently, allowing myself to feel how afraid I’ve become to simply be myself as I, like many women and men I know, have grown up with feelings of not being enough. 

I realise that life has changed for me since that meeting. As I sat and listened to women sharing, I became aware that when we are in a truly supportive, loving and judgment-free environment, we open up with all the simplicity and beauty of a flower on a spring day: we don’t question how we feel, we just express how we are truly feeling.

What we do is only relevant as we share how hard we are on ourselves to make sure that it all gets done.

Amongst other things, we discussed the making and the ticking off of jobs on our lists for the day, and the feeling of failure should we not get it all done.

The choice is too often made to ignore our body and how exhausted it actually feels, should we be nearing the end of our day and there are still jobs outstanding.

Is there kindness and understanding for how hard we now push ourselves to keep up the illusion that the equality we so vehemently sought is working for us? Or do we accept that try as we might to do it all we can ultimately sacrifice ourselves to the point of exhaustion.

We look around, comparing ourselves to others and buy into the belief that it’s just us. We blame ourselves with internal negative talk about how inadequate we can be. When all that gets too much we turn to the instant energy booster – sugar, or one of the many accepted stimulants available to us such as caffeine, energy drinks, alcohol or / and drugs, to make it all seem better.

Eventually we fall into bed unhappy with the many demands we have placed on ourselves to do it all again tomorrow. Even if we afford ourselves the luxury of believing we can do something about it, most of us put it into the ‘too hard basket’ and comfort ourselves that at least our lists are complete, so when others look in we can say, “see what I can do”.

Where is the love? Where is the nurturing that as women we naturally have?

The truth as I feel it is that we sell ourselves out. Self-nurturing and self-loving are absent in too many of our lives.

The question was asked: “Where do we begin?”.

Honestly, I don’t feel it matters where, just that we do.

I have come to know that there is so much more to me than how I look on the outside. I have an understanding of who I am not and I welcome the opportunities to dig deeper and find more of Who I Am.

376 thoughts on “Who I Am Not, Discovering more of me as a Woman

  1. This comment is GOLD Julie for it really asks us to stop placing the importance on the superficial aspects of life and instead feel life from the inside out: “I have come to know that there is so much more to me than how I look on the outside.” – Thank you Julie for this simple yet powerful article!

  2. So much in our lives is focused on our to do lists and achievements and getting things done, where as true connection to our soul focuses on the quality of tenderness and beauty that we hold whilst doing anything or nothing and does not rely on the perceived outcome to say if something is worthy or not.

  3. Julie, this is so beautiful and really highlights how much we can blossom when held in an environment where we feel safe to do so: “I became aware that when we are in a truly supportive, loving and judgment-free environment, we open up with all the simplicity and beauty of a flower on a spring day: we don’t question how we feel, we just express how we are truly feeling.”

  4. ‘too hard basket’ We often strive so hard to fit the pictures in our head of how we think we ‘ought’ to be when all it takes is to reconnect to our inner beauty and love to discover that we are already everything.

  5. ‘Who I Am Not, Discovering more of me as a Woman’ This title in itself is an invitation to let go any picture I would have about me and I have to say that this feels very freeing just by allowing myself to consider it!

  6. Its really about ousting the what is not, exposing the rot that is not us that we can then see, feel and know the diamond within.

  7. It saddens me that as children we are not encouraged to be all that we can be instead we are often subtle told to not shine to much and to not rock the boat, being who we really are is the only way we can have a truly successful life.

  8. “I have come to know that there is so much more to me than how I look on the outside.” ” Old or young, black or white, fat or thin we are so much then just the physical, we are all ultimate super beautiful and divine, how much we are willing to show of this is our choice.

  9. “The me I have become is all about how I look, the house I live in, the car I drive, the friends I have, the way my children behave or any of the million other boxes I feel I have to tick to show the world I’m doing just fine’. When. you let go of presenting these things as you and search inward for the real you it can feel quite vulnerable, almost naked at first. I only allow myself glimpses off this way of being but I love the depth of who I am when I do.

  10. I really appreciated this honest exploration of how we women ‘sell ourselves out’. I have had similar moments and continue as I fall back into selling myself out, but honesty and feeling what that does to me helps me keep seeking to allow the real me to emerge.

    1. Honesty is a super valuable tool to treasure and appreciate deeply and use as much as we can in life for it helps us feel and shift so much, and hence allows us to grow and deepen our relationship with Soul.

  11. The deeper we establish our connection with ourselves the less we want to push and drive our body realising that it is in the doing that takes us away from our natural harmony and flow.

  12. When we learn to dismiss the negative thoughts and focus on the quality of our connection with our body it opens up our awareness to uncover and appreciate our delicate and true nature.

  13. I love reading this and knowing exactly what you are describing and feeling me now and how at ease I am compared to where I was only a few years ago, we must begin as it’s so worth going there and by there I mean within.

  14. Nothing that we can ever ‘do’ can be more than we already are… as soon as we realise this and start to live by it, it’s a game changer because life becomes about bringing our quality into everything that we do, instead of the number of tasks we can tick off a list – and a far more enriching way of being and living life.

  15. What a great reminder to stop and reflect on who we are and claim this in our conversations. We can be so quick to sit in the doubt and worry about the what is not when the what is … surrounds are every move.

  16. How wonderful life becomes when you begin to realise that comparison is not us as a woman, neither is the negative self-talk, the incessant drive to do or the continual ignoring of our body. All of these behaviours are simply a result of a long term disconnection from who we truly are, a beautiful, wise, sexy and gorgeous being who can grace the world so effortlessly with her presence when she knows who she truly is.

    1. Yes long term disconnection causes all manner of ill! But the medicine is connection and that is the best thing ever.

    2. Spot on Ingrid – we think the comparison and or negative self talk and criticism are our thoughts and come from us, and yet it is simply a means of distracting ourselves from the magnificence that we are and are yet to fully embrace.

  17. So often we identify with the negative aspects of life instead of realising it is just an energy we are choosing to let through us. For example, those horrible thoughts we have. If we see that it is not truly us thinking that it is so freeing to then see that we are much more than what those thoughts allow us to think we are.

  18. Thank you an insightful blog, including every single blog written on here, that sheds light on who we are as women and what loveliness, sweetnesss, power, vibe, juice, strenght, beauty, warmth, love, light, uniquness we all have. Thank you for bringing out more the truth of who we are. Instead of the false images and beliefs that are so opposite of who we are. We are so beautiful as women !

  19. Reconnecting to ourselves is a self-discovery and unfolding of our true nature and qualities. The more tender and loving I am with myself and honouring of how I feel in my body the more I accept myself and allow that feeling to come out in the way I move and express with my body.

  20. It is one of the most loving choices we can make to bring self-love and nurturing into our lives, and this then supports many people.

  21. “The question was asked: “Where do we begin?”. Honestly, I don’t feel it matters where, just that we do.” I agree, it doesn’t matter where we begin, it only takes one small change to begin the whole ball rolling. Like a row of dominoes, take one step towards truly caring for yourself and the next step is clear.

  22. I too used to put pressure on myself during the day loading myself up with jobs to do and then judging myself when I did not find the time to squeeze them all into the day, being controlled by time and not being present with myself. I have learnt now that the more present I am with myself the more space there is to complete what is necessary in a flow and quality that truly supports my body. Whatever is left incomplete can wait for the next day.

  23. Before I came across Universal medicine practitioners I had never considered that there might be a link between self care and self worth. The more deeply I take care and love my body the more this feeds me back; I feel deeply worth it and a growing connection to that.

  24. How wonderful it is being enough honest to see and feel who we are not. It opens up the door to reconnect back with who we really are.

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