Whilst swimming in the pool I observed a young girl injure herself whilst playing, albeit only slightly, yet the response from the adults around her was to immediately suggest she ‘get over it’, ‘harden up’ or ‘laugh it off’. And as I observed, it had me wondering…
Why don’t we allow ourselves as women to feel how delicate we truly are?
Have many of us not been taught from an early age that being girly or delicate means that we’re just not strong or tough enough to be out there in the world?
And with this, it makes me also wonder, who honestly does want to be out there in the world feeling like a brick wall, the reverse of delicate, when you’re a person with great sensitivity, and not the emotional kind, deep within?
To me it sounds like a lot of effort, and a tiring way to live! I once ‘tried my hardest’ (excuse the pun!) to live this way for most of my adult life so I know what it feels like. But what I didn’t realise was that the more I tried to hold myself in a way that didn’t show or honour my delicate and sensitive nature, the more I built up a brick wall around me which was actually keeping everyone else out. As a naturally loving and deeply tender woman living a way that felt so unnatural actually is what hurt(s) me the most.
What I have been able to feel recently is just how delicate I truly am, and that I’m still only scratching the surface of the depth of this innate quality.
With the support of Universal Medicine practitioners and in particular the Esoteric Breast Massage modality, I am discovering that it is not in my nature to have a tough bricked exterior, and that I just don’t want to have this any longer.
I am finding the more that I allow myself to feel my delicateness as a woman, in the many ways that I confirm this as my natural way – then the more awareness I have in my daily moments. For example, the way I gently touch my own skin feeling its texture, how I type on the computer, the way I walk, move, sit, or carry my shopping home. The way I hug, speak or look with depth into the eyes of another, holding a quality that is accepting of my own delicateness and also theirs too.
I now hold a more true sense of what it actually means to be a woman with strength; feeling really powerful with my innate delicateness, which is something I’m really enjoying and loving as a foundational part of my womanhood. Gone are the days of viewing my own preciousness as a weakness because with my acceptance of what I feel is true within me, I have gained more awareness in my everyday life, which I greatly appreciate. And now I know that, being a delicate woman is my true strength – and also every other woman’s too.
By Cherise Holt, Nurse, 31, Australia,
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I suspect that many of us have seen delicacy as a weakness. I know I have. I watched my little grandson playing recently and he looked so sweet and delicate, he shone from the inside out. Imagine what life would be like if we reflected (or at the least, taught) our children to appreciate and retain their sense of delicateness. Perhaps there would be less harming and more harm-less-ness.
Well said Ariana, and the world is sorely in need of more reflections to show that there is another way to live life and that we do not have to ‘push through’ things.
When we live in a way that does not honour us, that does not look after us, that means we must harden ourselves to life, then this is what does the most damage: “As a naturally loving and deeply tender woman living a way that felt so unnatural actually is what hurt(s) me the most.”
Our body is our marker – when we allow ourselves to feel how something feels then through the body we know exactly what is needed. But when we harden or switch off feeling, then the head is the one trying to rationalise and decide what to do which requires an effort to calculate and work things out and this does not necessarily honour what the body actually needs.
Thank you Cherise for the beautiful reminder that delicateness is indeed our true strength as women.
Is it just a simple case of giving ourselves permission to feel and be this once again? It seems currently a lot of the time we live to how we ‘think’ we should or how others ‘think’ we should instead of what feels true for us from our bodies. There is so much as a whole we need to let go of.
What you have shared here has reminded of not asking for support, I feel they are very similar in how we use a hardness or toughness to get through or by feeling for some reason if we ask another for support we will be looked upon as weak. That has been a big one for me in the past striving on, sometimes very stubbornly, without being humble enough to ask another to help me. When I started to do this, the walls cracked within and it was lovely too feel how important it is to actually ask for help when it is needed and receive this knowing we do not have ‘go it alone’. In fact it is the complete opposite we certainly do not have to strive through and do everything on our own because we are meant to be working together as one ✨
I love the different angle you offer here Ariana. What would it feel like and what would life look like if girls and women were to honour their delicacy? Far from what we fear I imagine since there is a great strength in being delicate – there is something flexible, responsive, deep, warm, embracing, unassuming, present, real, gentle, tender, sweet and lovely. All these qualities the world is desperately craving.
‘Why don’t we allow ourselves as women to feel how delicate we truly are?’ Observing girls as they grow I have noticed how quickly they can harden up denying their delicacy and sensitivity. I recently had a colleague ‘playfully’ call me a ‘wus’ for honouring mine and yet this woman was saying this while enduring the consequences of an injury for not being delicate with her own body! How deep is the denial when in the face of our bodies telling us strongly to take more care, we ignore it?
Crazy huh but we can do many things that will help us to mask our delicateness like the foods we eat and the way we talk all of it matters. and we are either healing or harming at every point.
A beautiful definition – “strength; feeling really powerful with my innate delicateness.” Getting in touch with this delicateness is available to us all.
We can learn there is such a power and strength in being delicate and vulnerable, when we understand the true meaning of these words. It’s not whinging and moaning but it is expressing how we are feeling deeply and honouring that from the connection to the movement of our bodies. So as you say, the little girl was doing really well in feeling her delicacy and as adults this exposes our hardness and contraction.
Delicateness to me mean there is no trying, in being delicate there is a surrender to the all.
“being a delicate woman is my true strength” There is so much more power n the delicateness and preciousness of a woman than the brittle hardness of a perceived protective shell.
I don’t always find it easy to be delicate, I can be dismissive towards myself and my commitment to life and not wanting to feel that which I cannot but feel. It takes a lot of effort to go against this innate quality, so I wonder why trying in the first place. The answer is to go into my body, feel the way I move and delicateness is just there waiting to come out, to be honoured and confirmed, no thinking required, very simple actually.
We all have access to delicateness. The entrance to it is to deepen with our body.
To surrender more within, letting go control, just to be And from there to make our touch from our heart very delicate. It is just there.
Delicacy is more than just a gentle touch, it is a way of living. And like the exquisite feeling being delicate can offer, your entire way of living can be this way. The empowerment from living with delicacy everyday is huge.
I recently had a very challenging situation at work and honouring the fact that I am sensitive has supported me far more than growing a thick skin and carrying on as if I am not affected.
Everything in this world we have created is telling us delicacy will get smashed if we let it out. It takes true resolution and absolute commitment to see what happens if you live it anyway. But if we understand that anything less is game over anyway, we’ll see there’s actually nothing to fear.
Yes, feeling powerful with our delicateness is new for many of us, and what a strength this is, ‘And now I know that, being a delicate woman is my true strength – and also every other woman’s too.’
It’s true that although less intense than for boys, there is a pressure for girls to toughen up, stop ‘being a princess’ and get on with it. I am sure all parents wonder how their child if left in their delicate and precious naturalness will survive ‘out there’. It’s interesting as parents that we try to change our kids so they fit in rather than get active with changing what is harsh and unloving ion the world.
Yes Cherise, it is about accepting our true nature, the delicateness from within and then we bring this to all others knowing they have the same quality within themselves.
Feeling delicate has gone from being a foreign concept in my body, to a familiar state that I now absolutely relish and willingly yield into.
Great point Alexis – even though it is a true natural to be delicate, so many of us have walked away from this way of being and hardened, so much so that to come back to that may actually feel a little strange to begin with.
Henrietta the truth is so deeply buried under an avalanche of lies that all of our natural ways are totally foreign concepts to the vast majority of us.
I love that you have discovered what really makes you strong, your blog has me pondering what could be my true strengths and how much I release them or appreciate them.
We champion good looks, knowledge and achievements – imagine what would happen if we celebrated our preciousness? It seems so many of our unloving actions are powered by overlooking this and staying stuck in our hurts.
If we’d cleared all of our hurts, then there would be no need to want to hide, deny or dismiss the preciousness that we naturally all are and hold within. It takes a lot of effort to fight who we naturally are and to not allow the world to see that.
If we said less but brought more of our delicacy we would communicate so much more. Words are so easily used as a defence – where as loving quality naturally let’s others in.
‘Why don’t we allow ourselves as women to feel how delicate we truly are?’ Society is in need of women living their delicate nature and at the same time is asking of women to be tough and hard. Living in our delicateness consistently is living our power and even more when a group of women chooses to live their delicateness… we are unstoppable.
Thank you for expressing this so well which has inspired me to explore my delicateness one small task at a time e.g. how I am typing this comment and how I prepare myself for bed at a time when I often feel tired and can’t be bothered. For me this journey continues to unfold but I am certainly feeling far more connected to others and this feels super supportive.
I am also seeing more of the social conditioning that makes us believe we have to harden up and that sensitivity is a weakness. I feel we need to be really aware of this as parents, so at least in their home, kids get to know that sensitivity is a strength. That means we need to role model this too and not pretend to be superwomen who can handle any abuse.
I suspect you are correct in that we are just scratching the surface here, ‘What I have been able to feel recently is just how delicate I truly am, and that I’m still only scratching the surface of the depth of this innate quality.’
Why don’t we allow ourselves as women to feel how delicate we truly are?
This is a great question to ask as we are taught from young to toughen up and not be cry babies.
I have lived most of my life keeping people at bay not wanting them to see or feel just how delicate and sensitive I am because as a society it is seen as such a negative attribute when actually we have been collectively fed a total lie.
It helps keep us separated as I too played the pushing others away game when upset. If we did honour that sensitivity there would be far more harmony and less individuality in the world. Being united in sensitivity isn’t a bad thing it helps us support each other.
To stand in the presence of someone who truly knows how precious they are, it’s like they glow and beam light streams from every cell. And they don’t have to do a single thing, to demonstrate or prove they are a divine human being.
Beautiful Joseph.
Well said Joseph – it is a feeling which leaves a deep imprint and marker of something that we already know we are but have not been choosing.
Being the delicate Women that we are you can feel is exactly what the world is craving for yet really it is the stark opposite to how we are living. I too have been deeply inspired by the Esoteric Breast Massage to feel and connect to this innate quality that I am. Giving myself the permission to be this in a world that otherwise tells me I am not to be this.
I am returning to the delicateness of who I am and just today I recognised how I can then react to anything that is not delicate around me. I can feel how I did this as a child and so withdrew when words or actions were not gentle or loving. Learning to stay delicate when very little in life offers that reflection back is something we are not taught yet is so vital in staying with the loving gentle way of being that is naturally within us all.