Sex, Relationships and a True Fairy-tale

by Anonymous

I remember watching and reading fairy tales from a young age. I loved these movies and books full of beautiful, gentle and loving princesses that were friends with the animals (sometimes they were even able to train them to do the housework). These princesses were always truly good, kind and lovely in every way and I could feel that same princess loveliness in myself. Sometimes these princesses were persecuted by wicked step-monsters, but they retained their loveliness no matter what hardship they endured and always triumphed in the end, maintaining their grace and loveliness all the while. They would find prince charming and true love and get married, living happily ever after. There was no need to know what happened next, I could assume it was all smooth sailing from then on.

The Harm of Pornography

by  S., Australia

Quite some years ago, when my second child was aged one, I came upon an intense period in my relationship with my partner. At this time, we shared a computer and had a room set up as an office. One day, when my daughter was at pre-school, my son asleep and my partner out, I was on our home computer; I had been looking something up several days before and so I visited the web history to go back to the page I was on. I stumbled onto something there that completely took me by surprise.

I was not suspecting anything and was certainly not looking for anything. As far as I was aware I had nothing to be concerned about, but I discovered that my partner had been looking at porn on the internet.

Up until this point, the only relationship I had had with porn was once as a teenager; I was with one of my friends and we went to visit her boyfriend at his friend’s house. There was a group of boys there, centred around a television, watching a porn movie.

Sex, Drugs… and Making Love

by Kyla Plummer, Bangalow, Australia

My first experience of sex left a lot to be desired – I was 13 years old. My 17 year old boyfriend coerced and heavily pressured me into sex with stories of how a guy needs sex or his balls hurt; and how hard it is for guys because once they have it (sex, that is) it must happen regularly, or else etc… all lines designed to persuade a young and naïve target. I didn’t really even know that much of what was happening, but after heavy persistence I became worn down and gave in. Also, he could be quite scary and violent – at times there was no consent from me at all and he was quite forceful. In my desperation to grow up and be considered ‘mature’ I had found myself in this situation, spending every free hour at his run-down apartment, while at home my mother was beside herself with worry.

Fifty Shades of Grey

by Anonymous, Australia

This month’s Women’s Weekly printed an article on the phenomenon of the novel Fifty Shades of Grey. The article points out it is “far and away the fastest selling book in Australian history”. It has sold 20 million copies worldwide, more than Twilight and Harry Potter. This could indicate it is a fair barometer of where Western middle class women are at. A brief synopsis of the book is that it is about a virgin college graduate and a billionaire lover who has a bondage dungeon called ‘The Red Room of Pain’. She plays a completely submissive role, where the lover does everything for her and they engage in erotic sex, including bondage, riding crops and handcuffs.

The book’s Facebook page is full of reports of renewed vigour and libido in women’s lives – and very happy, satisfied husbands as a result. But what can we draw from this phenomenon? Could it be possible that the female readers, mainly married mothers (the book has been dubbed ‘mummy porn’), have been without deep intimacy and affection in their marriages, and to admit that their lives are lacking this deeper quality is too painful to face? The engaging of the eroticism from this book then suddenly has aroused a renewed vigour in the bedroom, and love is deemed to have been rediscovered in their lives – but maybe all that has happened is that more sex has substituted for a deeper intimacy and affection of love, and the painful absence of that previously being longed for, is abated.

‘To Make Love or Have Sex?’ – One Man’s Experience

In our first ever post by a male author, Naren Duffy explores the difference between sex and love-making. Writing this frank and honest is rare indeed. A must read for all women (and men).  

by Naren Duffy, UK

‘Sex’. What power a little three-letter word can have! Chances are that many people who read this will have had their interest piqued simply because of the word ‘sex’ in the title of this post. It is amazing to me that such a little word can bring such a huge range of emotions and reactions within us. Of course, it is not the word that has this power, but the power we give to it that makes it powerful. It is what sex has come to mean to us in the world we live in that brings up such a huge range of responses in us. From titillation to disgust, and everything in between.

But what about ‘making love’? Is it the same as ‘sex’? Describing the physical act, ‘sex’ and ‘making love‘ are often used interchangeably. But are they really the same? Even just saying ‘making love’, it is pretty clear that there is something more going on than just sex. The words themselves when compared to each other are like completely different concepts. Sex as a word is punchy, short, terse. It just is sex. It does what it says on the box. No more, no less.

‘Making love’, however, has the potential to mean so much more.