In the past my smile always felt forced or ‘put on’, I felt like my smile said “I am a nice person being nice and that is it” or “don’t think for one moment that I am flirting with you”. When I smiled like this I felt tough, hard and protected. At other times I would use my smile to try and ‘hook’ a man and I would be trying to say “I am flirting with you”, however this would usually only happen once I had a couple of drinks, then the following day I would wonder what on earth I was thinking. In all these instances my smile was not an indicator of how I truly felt.
This realisation shocked me. I felt how cold, hard and shut down I have lived this life. I felt the sadness of knowing that in truth I have been rejecting men since I can remember.
It probably won’t surprise you to know that I have been single most of my adult life (a good 15+ years). In fact after I really felt how I have been operating it is a wonder any men have been within 10 yards of me!
I began to ponder the things that have stopped me from smiling at men in the past; I became aware that I often let my mind take over before my body can do what comes naturally. My mind jumps in with thoughts like:
- “Do not smile at that man he will think you are interested in him, you will look like a loser and he will get an ego boost at your expense”.
- “Do not smile at that man – he will think you are interested in him and take that as a green light to treat you with disrespect”.
- “Do not smile at that man, he does not want you to”.
- “Do not smile at that man his partner will be angry with you”.
I am the first to admit that these suggestions from my mind are pretty outrageous (I am only talking about a smile after all). As I let myself feel more deeply I realised my mind jumps to even more outlandish and nonsensical conclusions such as:
- ‘’Do not smile at that man, he might become interested in you, you will have to reject him and he will hate you for it and take revenge”.
- “If you let a man feel your loveliness he will try to destroy it”.
On this day my mind was unable to interfere. My heart was able to send a message to my body without being intercepted by my mind. And so… I smiled at a man because I felt joy in my heart and a love for humanity. I smiled at a man because I trusted my body and my body wanted to smile. I shared my lovely smile with a man, letting my heart do the talking and silencing my mind.
The man smiled back, he melted and he felt the sweetness of my smile with no agenda or game. In turn this man smiled the very same smile back at me. His smile was not flirty or hooking, it was a smile from the heart, a smile that exposed the game I have played and the hurt I have caused by shutting down my heart as a result of past hurts. A smile that radiated the power of love back to me.
By Leonne Sharkey
Women in Livingness Blog 
A smile from the heart is genderless in exactly the same way as it is ageless. A smile from the heart doesn’t recognise the colour of a person or their nationality. A smile from the heart is universal.
Leonne what was interesting for me to remember when I read that your smile used to say ‘“don’t think for one moment that I am flirting with you”, was that one of the things that my smile used to say about me was ‘don’t doubt that I am flirting with you because I am’. I had a particular smile that said that and the same sexual energy that was being conveyed by my mouth was also being conveyed by my eyes.
When a person smiles it’s like looking through a window into their heart which in turns touches our heart, such a simple thing and yet so profoundly beautiful. We don’t smile nearly enough.
We are such self-centred beings aren’t we?! We overthink everything to keep ourselves safe from hurt, but in the process of trying not to get hurt we hurt ourselves more – go figure! I love the simplicity you brought to your smile once you clocked the pattern 🙂
A beautiful photo smiling from the heart.
A smile from the heart of a woman has the power to change someone’s day, so why would we hold back from expressing to another the joy we are truly feeling? How amazing to know that women have the power to change the world, smile by glorious smile
Wow, a huge smile from the heart has the power to melt the hardness facade because it connects with a spark that is deep within us too.
Yes the eyes really are the windows of the soul
Always a blessing to receive a smile from the heart.
It is Sam and we can receive these smiles from the heart with people on the streets, or someone we’ve just met and these magical moments are gold. Also, a full-hearted smile has the ability to deeply connect us with others without words, as the sparkle that shines through our eyes speaks loud and clear.
A true woman’s smile offers the potential to any man to return to the tenderness and sensitivity they have as well. Men will melt.
The world would benefit from having many more lovely smiles from our heart, ‘I shared my lovely smile with a man, letting my heart do the talking and silencing my mind.’
I love seeing you smile in this stunning picture, wow a smile like that has power to move mountains!
Humanity is crying out for us to drop the mask and smile like you from the depths of their heart.
A smile from our heart is always a welcome smile.
Being open….yes….no holding back, sharing who we are equally with everyone, we not talking about sex here, we are talking about connection, I used to hold back because of many reasons you mentioned above concerning men, now I smile. I do not hide and I do not reject men.
I love smiling from my heart, it just feels so lovely.
‘A smile that radiated the power of love back to me.’ When we get out of our minds and let our bodies do the talking or smiling everyone benefits.
A genuine smile can light up your day.
Those smiles where our eyes light up sharing the fullness of who we truly are are a blessing indeed.
These smiles have the ability to make us drop our protection and melt from head to toe. Often these smiles are always beaming from young children because they simply do not hold back in expressing love, the sparkle that shines bright from within.
When we smile with our hearts, as you have so beautifully shared Leonne through you words and stunning picture, we are confirming the realness of who we are, and that we are really all of this same quality of love.
So often we go through life with our head down not really connecting with others. It takes an openess in ourselves to be open to others.
Love your smile Leonne! Full hearted and inspirational.
The crazy believes we hold to not smile at people, women or men. When we have this smile in our heart, we have to shut ourselves down to not smile at people. No more as well Leonne!
So beautiful to meet another with a smile that is directly from the heart and expressing love and joy, it lifts us and inspires us and reminds us that in essence we are all the same and that same is gorgeous.
We come up with all the reasons in the world to NOT smile and give all of our energy over to self doubt, but when we feel this creep in, what if we focused on appreciating all of the reasons why we SHOULD smile; that there is an opportunity to connect, that we have nothing ‘to lose’ and everything to gain in reminding this person that there IS love in this world?
Great exposé Leonne – I’m sure there are many women who can relate. It really is amazing what we hold back when all that love is there bursting to come out.
Loved reading this Leanne, I for a long time have had no tension with men and have lots of lovely relationships with colllegues and friends it is beautiful to share ourselves without fear of the things you describe.
When our whole body smiles it shows on our face.
Wow . . what a gorgeous smile! No wonder this smile is melting hearts Leonne.
It is an indictment on humanity when someone feels they have to hold back shining their light simply because of how another thinks. If society did raise that person in honour of who they naturally are this would be far less likely to be the common experience of the many.
The heart expresses so naturally when it is not impeded by the mind. The pictures we hold of what is considered acceptable or not prevent us from feeling and expressing this natural flow.
A smile from the heart is a joyous confirmation of the love that we are.
When a woman smiles from the joy she feels inside, it immediately reflects how we can be in life, regardless of what is playing out on the surface.
A beautiful moment some time back was of a young girl appreciating the interaction with another and how that appreciative smile was coming from her whole body and I witnessed this and received the same feeling from her. It was a beautiful moment where the true joy of love and life was expressed in that divine moment.
I love the line about letting your heart do the talking. There is so much communicated in a genuine smile and it often ignites that same open, genuine, loving quality in another.
A smile from the heart speaks a universal language understood by everyone everywhere regardless of age, creed or colour.
I had a similar experience to this yesterday, I was feeling very solid in myself and very confirmed in some choices I had made, I walked into the shopping centre like this and I walked past a guy at the self service terminal and he just lit up. It made me realise when I walk in this joy, its different, it is inspiring for them.
It’s such a delight when you connect with someone in passing with a smile from the heart, it’s like as soon as you see each other, your bodies align and the smile is just a confirmation of what you have felt in your body.
Meeting someone who is beaming about life is genuinely inspiring; it’s a beautiful reminder that life isn’t so serious and we can enjoy how it unfolds, as opposed to focus on our errors (which many of us do all the time!)
Being open and meeting a man and woman with equal openess is very beautiful. There is no agenda but an equalness of the beauty that lies within that permeates throughout.
I love this Leonne, the absolute power and simplicity of a smile from the heart.
This is such a beautiful blog with a humility and joy that is infectious.
A smile from the heart has the potential to melt anyone – if received.
I love what you have shared Leonne. What a travesty it is when in a bid to keep ourselves protected from the possible hurts, we imagine we have to reduce the expression of our natural love and joy. In that moment we magnify the hurt in ourselves, as well as in others who can feel us hold back from them. We end up neither expressing nor being open to feel the love joy through another, and everyone feels lonely even in the middle of a crowd.
How gorgeous it is to start an epidemy of truly smiling from the heart.
When you give a true smile to someone, it doesn’t come loaded with anything other than the love of who we are, so others are beautifully confirmed by the smile and get to feel more of themselves at the same time.
Every expression of love is wonderful and with a smile that is particularly clear, giving the other a choice to respond in kind. A beautiful blog.