In September 2005 I conceived my first child, by November I needed no pregnancy test to tell me I was with child: I can remember opening the curtains one morning, standing still and once again clocking this deep vibration, a fluttering pulse within my body that was strangely unfamiliar yet at the same quite natural, I knew. Turning to my partner, I told him we were having a baby.
I felt amazed and blessed by the power of this bodily communication I was offered by my unborn child – an inner hum that emanated through my every cell, I felt deeply humbled and radiant.
I adored my pregnancy, caring for and appreciating this magical connection and contentedness within my body.
Being my first baby, I was offered much advice by doctors, midwives, family and friends. My sister at the time was training to be a Doula (birth companion and post-birth supporter) and my sister-in-law was a midwife – so I had plentiful support.
However, on reflection I see how I allowed myself to get caught up in the multitude of advice and images.
I felt the expectations and pressures there are for pregnant women to know exactly how to care for their child: the image that I should be the one in charge, the primary carer. These complications and expectations left a tension in my body that interfered with the natural bond I had with my baby and made it harder for me to feel the soundness and simplicity offered by our unified pulse, a constant confirmation that there was nothing I needed to be or do other than connect and walk this journey together.
My son was born in the early morning of June 15th 2006. There are no words that can do justice to the love and wonderment of meeting Eric. The ancient wisdom and still presence this tiny being brought through was extraordinarily powerful. My husband and I were in awe: this was no vulnerable fleshy baby. Eric was magnificent.
Still attached by the umbilical cord, I lay down and the midwife placed Eric on my chest – a moment of joyous repose for us both after hours of surrendering to the movements that would bring him out into the world.
With the advice of the midwife I placed him near my breast so he could latch on. In this moment I felt unsure and began searching for a picture, an image of what this could be. In this I opened the door to an influx of advice and information I had previously read and heard about breast-feeding. I had allowed the expectations to creep in, and I felt my body tense up with this feeling that I SHOULD know what to do.
However what then unfolded is the miraculous part that no one tells you……Eric showed me exactly what to do. In a few small movements he snuffled onto my breast, opened his mouth and began to suck, triggering my body to release the colostrum milk he knew he was to find.
How did he know how to do this?
My expectations led me to believe that it was all my job, that I needed to be in control: nobody told me he would be my teacher, that this ancient all-knowing being would show me the way. That it was he who would give me permission to let go and feel the simple power of our connection, to draw from the interactivity that we had been living together for the past nine months. The same unified pulse in utero that would bring all the innate wisdom that was required, my baby showed me that I need not look outside for the answers but know that they are already within.
Thank-you Eric, Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for confirming that we are all born teachers, and for showing me that I am everything already.
By Lucinda Bathurst, Somerset, UK
* Published with permission of Eric and Otto Bathurst.
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I can entirely relate from the birth of my first son also – pure divinity and magnificence. This is a very beautiful sharing that supports us all to settle into and be guided by our inner knowing and not led or squashed by pictures or expectations.
It’s an extraordinary read, thank you. The wisdom and magnificence of Eric and his innate knowing reminds us we are the same. We are schooled away from that in education and life in general to seek answers outside of ourselves and rely on memory, and we lose connection to all that innate wisdom – but it’s still there.
We can receive all the advice and information in the world but if anything it makes matters worse because then we don’t know which advice to follow! However within us is already a knowing that doesn’t quiver or doubt, it just knows.
As a mother who has prided herself and identified very strongly with being a liberal laid back kind of a mother I can honestly say that it’s a kind of parenting that’s way more controlling then it believes itself to be but it buys into the notion that because it sees itself as free and easy that it’s non imposing but in actual fact it’s very imposing but just in a more subversive way than blatantly imposing parenting styles.
I love this blog, it is very touching to read through these words of honesty and humbleness.
It is so easy to get lost in pictures of mothering, when I look around I see most mothers have indeed swallowed and living this imposition. Super amazing and inspiring to read and see a lady free of the poisonous ideals we can hold.
When we are mothering in truth then we are mothering with the support of the Universe because the little Mini Me Mother is happy to stand to the side and let the Universe step in.
So very beautifully said Alexis.
I love this Lucinda, you remind us that deep within us all there is an innate knowing.
Expectations do mess us around. A lot. When we surrender and allow what is there inside of us to be shared/felt/experienced, there is less mess…
The moment we start to look outside ourselves for answers we have lost the connection to self and we are at the mercy of the outside world. We feel the tension in our body because we give ourselves away when we know what is true. There is nothing to do and no pressure to be placed on ourselves; connection to our essence is all that is needed and from this connection we are impulsed to respond to what is next.
Children are Magnificent Teachers, I love the reflections that children bring. Being open as a parent to the wisdom they bring means our lives are much more fuller.
Our bodies have this innate intelligence that knows how to deal with these situations, current society gets very much in the way of this by all the advise, rules almost, that it says we need. So we think it comes from knowledge outside of us instead from within and of course our child too.
Love how children learn from life as it unfolds. All is a playful learning where there is no right or wrong, just joy, harmony, a trustful openess to themselves and others. How amazing would be bringing this in to the ‘adult life’, this world would be a completely different place to live in.
There are no pictures or words that can describe the moments of tenderness within us. Being able to share with the people around us from this quality is very natural for us. More than we think.
Lucinda the beauty of your words brings me to connect deeper inside. There is an inner wisdom to be felt. Certainly we all are teachers and always students of life when we connect within us. There are no rules, right norms to follow, nor expectations to fill…just a forever learning with humbleness and so much joy. How wonderful is living in this way.
The greater the responsibility we say yes to the more we can see the consistency of Love we need to live. It can be confronting to face but isn’t it what we are here for?