My Experience with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Hair Loss and Wig Shopping

by Linda, Brisbane, Australia

After reading Rachel Mascord’s inspirational post, LOVE – falling in love with my own hair, I felt to write about my own experience.

I lost most of my hair several years ago with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and Androgenic Alopecia. PCOS is a complex hormone disorder that may be defined by symptoms such as irregular or absent periods, acne, hair loss, hirsutism, insulin resistance (diabetes) and fertility issues. Women diagnosed with PCOS can present with a unique combination of symptoms at varying levels of severity.

Hair loss, among other symptoms, became a real issue for me, because it was painfully visible and there was nothing I could do to stop it. As a result, I now wear a hairpiece. For years I went through grief going to hairdressers where I found myself being stared at because of my baby fine hair and receding hairline. I felt like an alien. I guess what I presented was a woman’s (and man’s) worst nightmare.

To lose your hair is to lose your ‘crowning glory’. At least that’s how I felt.

Year by year, my hair continued to fall. It started at my forehead and receded backwards. This was easy enough to deal with as I could cover it with pretty scarves and leave my long locks flowing behind. Even my partner at the time said I could bring scarves back in fashion. Great idea! Then, one day, as I was standing in a dressing room trying on clothes, I caught a glimpse of the back of my head. To my horror, I noticed a large balding patch. The hair loss had crept back so far I could no longer cover it with a scarf. What now?! I remember I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.

I became obsessed with hair. I dreamed about hair. I found myself gazing longingly at women in the street with flowing, shiny locks. I even admired women with the finest of fine hair ­– at least they didn’t have bald patches like me. I didn’t know where to turn, so I started searching the internet for options. There were wigs, custom pieces, and laser therapy, to name a few. It was very overwhelming, but the more I looked into it, it felt the best option for me at the time was a wig.

Eventually, I plucked up the courage to make an appointment for a wig fitting.

I had a lovely lady helping me. She was so supportive and she made me feel at ease. We went through various style options and colours and chose my new piece. But when I got the wig home, I tried it on and felt so deflated. I was so embarrassed to go out in public. I didn’t feel like me. It was too shiny, too thick – just wrong. I left it sitting in its bag for weeks.

With my university graduation looming, however, I knew I had to get used to it. I swallowed my pride and started to wear it for a little while each day, just around the house, then down the street, till I got used to it. It was hot, and sometimes a bit itchy, but eventually, I started to feel confident in it and the admiring gazes I received from men affirmed to me that it must have looked somewhat natural. I called my wig ‘Louisa’ after the character in Doc Martin. I did this because the style was similar to hers and I looked a bit like her when I wore it, but it also helped ease my discomfort by being playful.

But as much as I wanted to hide my hair loss, I had to face up to the truth. My body was telling me something about the way I was living was VERY wrong.

You see, I had amazingly thick and shiny hair as a teenager. My body was presenting to me a major hormonal imbalance.  Anyone who has experienced polycystic ovary syndrome or any form of hormonal issue will understand that it’s often a complex condition to treat. Over the years, I have visited numerous doctors and specialists, including endocrinologists. I have also invested a huge amount of money in alternative therapies, including acupuncture, homeopathy and herbal medicine. To my disappointment, the hair loss gradually worsened. In fact, my condition left some doctors slightly baffled. Many times I was simply offered the Pill to regulate my cycle and counteract the excess androgens. But I was sceptical, and I knew in my heart that there was a better and more honouring way to heal.

Then, thanks to my partner, I discovered Universal Medicine and the Esoteric Developers Women’s Group.

I recall the first one or two Women’s Groups I attended, coming away feeling very frustrated. I didn’t understand the concept of simply ‘being’ beautiful or lovely. I would think to myself ‘hang on, all the women in the group have glorious hair, they’ve not been through the experience I have – of course they feel beautiful!’ But as I let my stubbornness (and arrogance) fall away, I began to open up to women in the group and something, ever so slowly, began to shift. I found that just being in their presence somehow enabled me to feel a sense of loveliness. I felt at ease. It didn’t seem to matter that I wore a wig, or how inexperienced I was with self-love – they accepted me and my truth.

I remember too, after my second round of wig shopping, which was at Bloomsbury’s in London, I wore my shiny new piece to a Universal Medicine event at Lennox Head. I approached Serge Benhayon to ask a question. He commented on my lovely hair, to which I immediately replied in defence ‘it’s not real’. His very loving response to me was simply this – ‘it doesn’t matter’. In that moment I felt the truth in those words. Suddenly my defences fell away. I truly felt that it didn’t matter. I am beautiful. Why did I feel that I was any less because I was wearing a wig?

Some might say that a wig is simply a cover up and a way of fitting in. Indeed, I have not yet plucked up the courage to shave my head. This is something for me to explore. Rachel’s article, for me, was a timely reminder how much emphasis we place on our looks and how desperately we try to fit in with society’s expectations. I have invested in wigs because part of me still wants so desperately to blend in, as if nothing has altered, as if I still have my crowning glory.

Ironically, this process has taught me one thing: my WIG is now my crowning glory. People often comment on my amazing hair – and I’ve learned not to defend it or make excuses, but just to smile and say ‘thank you’.

I FEEL beautiful – and that’s what counts.

And so continues my journey into self and self-love. I know I have a lot of healing to do, but if my story can help someone else, then it’s worth telling.

I always assumed that I had to heal myself and grow my hair back before I could help another. In a session I had with practitioner, Tamara Chilton, at Universal Medicine recently, she reminded me that I could be of service as I am right now.  What ever made me think I had to grow my hair back before I could ‘come clean’? I’ve been so caught up in my own embarrassment surrounding hair loss and wigs that I let it hold me back from sharing. So here I present my first blog.

So thank you, wonderful ladies, for being open and thank you, Rachel, for sharing your story. It has reminded me how important it is to love who we are and embrace the hair we have – whether it is long, short, frizzy, fine, mousey – or a wig! Mine is a continually unfolding journey and my baby fine hair reminds me daily how much I lost touch with my self. I now look upon my experience as a gift, for it has brought me back to the truth. The Polycystic ovary syndrome has made me stop and review the dishonoring way in which I was living – and inspired me to treat myself more tenderly. I don’t stress about my hair so much these days.

Maybe my hair will grow back, maybe it won’t, and maybe it’s lovely just the way it is. I have a feeling I might call my next wig ‘Linda’.

Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.

A special thank you to the wonderful practitioners, and my GP, who have supported me so lovingly in my journey.

290 thoughts on “My Experience with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Hair Loss and Wig Shopping

  1. As women we have so much to learn from each other – the reflections from all around are a blessing for us. And we cannot underestimate our own reflections offered to self and others and the beauty of what we bring.

  2. I love how Serge Benhayon can take any situation and support us to be OK with it and know that there is nothing wrong for when we truly understand something then embracing it becomes second nature.

  3. Linda, what a beautiful sharing and one that exposes to us all as women how it is not about how we look on the outside but all about how we feel on the inside that really matters. Your honesty in sharing your experience is a beautiful way to remind all women that true beauty comes from within and not from what we wear, if we have ‘real’ hair or not, or any other physical feature for that matter – this takes a huge pressure off and allows the space for a woman to simply be and enjoy the being.

  4. I remember being obsessed with my hair, spending hours wishing it looked different, now I love my hair and why because it is on me and its part of me, there is nothing I now do not absolutely love.

  5. Many new born babies have no hair and we feel the beauty, delicacy and vulnerability of who they are rather than that they have no hair.

  6. There are aspects of ourselves, such as our hair, which we place of great importance. We identify with them and don’t even realise that until they are gone. I can only imagine how i would feel if my hair was to start falling out, sure i’ve cut it short & played around with it a lot but to actually go though something like that which is out of my control is terrifying. It’s good to know that there are women out there who have gone through it and now have a different perspective to share.

  7. When we are met with the reflection of absolute love for who we are we can choose to resist or we can melt, the latter is what happened here when Linda met Serge Benhayon. It no doubt can be a life-changing moment or marker clocked in the body where everything falls away and we are left feeling the beauty of who we are.

  8. What an amazing learning you have had Linda! Yes, an absolute challenge to lose one’s hair but to then come out the other side in full acceptance of it and claim your natural beauty regardless is inspirational. This is the level of service you can bring to all, whether we have hair or not!

  9. Thank you Linda, having worked as a hairdresser I know we women do love our hair so I can appreciate how difficult it would be to loose your hair, yet the insight and love you now have for yourself that is not dependent on the outer is beautiful and inspiring.

  10. I know I have said to myself “I can’t help until I reach X” but actually where I am at right now may be way further than another or right where another is as well and can provide a different angle on life. That is support without having to be somewhere and where I am right now is valuable.

    1. Well said Leigh – not realising it, we can end up using excuses as to why we don’t do something, and yet when there is a true need and we feel it, nothing can really stop us from stepping into support and service unless we allow it to.

  11. “I feel beautiful and thats what counts “A very special place to come to for yourself and a real and honest sharing of your journey and connection to who you are inside.

  12. Thank you for sharing such a deeply private topic that for many women would be difficult to share. It is so great to read your choices that lead to healing the ideas we have on valuing ourselves based on our hair, dress sizes etc. To be met for the divine woman you are is the quality that is truly inspiring for others that has no wig or an inkling of how do I look in the mix.

  13. Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly your journey of self acceptance and appreciation of what you bring as women.

  14. It is terrifying to think that a hormonal imbalance can bring hair loss, and quite inspiring to read your story. I can only imagine how horrible it must have felt initially, as let’s face it, we as women rely on our hair to feel feminine and beautiful so when something like this happens we have to learn to truly love ourselves, regardless of what we look like, regardless of whether we fit our picture of what is beautiful because that is the true medicine, the key to self-acceptance. Without that, we can be left feeling devastated, worthless and all of those things that we bring onto ourselves and make our life a misery.

  15. Thank you for writing this Linda, there are so many things that we as women measure ourselves on – our hair, our stomach, our thighs, our clothes, our lips and our eyes, the list can go on.. Only the depth of our beauty can bring in a content with how we look.

  16. Thank you for sharing the lessons you have learnt from having PCOS and being honest about how you have struggled with the hair loss. Your embracing of your new crowning glory is inspiring and a gift for other women going through similar experiences but also for anyone struggling with adjusting to any change through illness or as a result of an accident.

  17. The true cover up is when we make do with the niceties of life without truly making what we do about Love. Choose this and you will be amazed and maybe even wig out!

  18. Any illness and disease is an opportunity for us to stop and look at how we have been living, what is our body conveying to us by the presenting symptoms? ‘The Polycystic ovary syndrome has made me stop and review the dishonoring way in which I was living – and inspired me to treat myself more tenderly.’

  19. It is beautiful the healing that occur when we let in the acceptance of others who see us for who we truly are, as we can then accept ourselves too.

  20. It is interesting how we find the blog we need at any particular time, and this one is relevant to me at the moment. About eight months ago I was prescribed some natural hormones and just recently have been concerned that my hair is thinning and falling out more than it used to. It does highlight how we believe our hair defines us and I also have been looking at other ladies who have thick hair or are losing their hair. We don’t seem to notice what others are going through until it affects us.

  21. The beautiful moment when Serge Benhayon says ‘it doesn’t matter’ is so lovely because I can tell that in his eyes it really doesn’t matter, that you are glorious and that is what counts – how you are feeling on the inside, which are easy words to say or write, but how you are living them is what is really inspiring. So, thank you for sharing your wonderful journey with us.

    1. Yes in the acceptance of another we can come to feel our own gloriousness regardless of outward appearances.

  22. Accepting ourselves and our bodies as they are is big for many people, lovely to read how you came to accept yourself.

  23. Indeed there is such a level of honesty and vulnerability which is very inspiring, Thank you Linda.

  24. I have met several women who wear wigs after chemotherapy and the designs these days are much more subtle, they do look like real hair. Many of us have issues with hair – wanting ti straight, curly, longer, shorter and in the end it is how we feel about ourselves inside that makes the difference.

    1. Spot on Carmel – a very dear family member had chemotherapy and lost her hair, but she took it in her stride and despite being in her 50’s had fun collecting wigs of all colours – a long blonde one for some days, a dark short bob for other days and even a pink one for a night out…This was a game changer for me to see how she was handling the situation and certainly having fun with it all!

  25. I like to say to myself that I am not attached to my hair. I am happy to grow it long or cut it short. Hair and haircuts are a great reminder that nothing is permanent! But if I lost my hair, it would be interesting to see how detached I actually am.

  26. Linda this is a powerful, heartfelt and deeply inspiring blog for all (men & women) to read. The raw honesty you write and share from is deeply healing for you and others.

  27. Feeling beautiful from the inside is what counts. When we rely on images of how things should be we can get caught in a trap of always searching for that elusive picture of perfection.

  28. “Suddenly my defences fell away. I truly felt that it didn’t matter. I am beautiful. Why did I feel that I was any less because I was wearing a wig?”
    When we feel the bigger picture and have a knowing of who we really are where we really come from we get a sense of absolutely beautiful we are.

  29. A lovely reminder that we are everything already and that we have all the wisdom we need to support us to continue to unfold, explore and learn more about who we are. Thank you Linda.

  30. It’s beautiful how the more we geuninely accept and appreciate who we are it’s like that gets communicated to those around us too – it gets extended to them as a reflection to remember more deeply their own worth and to feel more at ease in themself, even without having to directly talk we are communicating on an energetic level with one another all the time.

  31. As a man who’s lost his hair Linda, I can relate and imagine the anguish this might create for a woman too. It’s a largely unspoken issue for both genders I feel, but in my experience can affect men in a huge way – they just don’t share this or say. What I learnt for myself is how identified I had been with a certain picture of me and how I had measured my beauty by external looks. It’s not about that at all – now I may be fairly hairless what has come is a greater appreciation and understanding for the true beauty I bring. A shame we often have to loose things to appreciate this.

  32. “Hair loss, among other symptoms, became a real issue for me, because it was painfully visible and there was nothing I could do to stop it”. I feel we women are very good at carrying on and not facing that something is wrong in our bodies. The hair loss means you can’t hide it, unlike amenorrhoea, which ultimately is a good thing. Healing cant occur while we deny and ignore what’s going on.

  33. Beautiful what you share and I love what Serge Benhayon said to you in response, a great example of how something was built, learnt and celebrated, when a person does not go into reaction. Something we can all learn from. This article is a clear example of making observation and learning the core of what we can do, from there appreciation is not only possible, but a way of life.

  34. “Suddenly my defences fell away. I truly felt that it didn’t matter. I am beautiful. Why did I feel that I was any less because I was wearing a wig?” I love this because when truth is lovingly presented to us all our protection just melts away and we are left feeling our true beauty and not all the impositions and expectations that we place on ourselves.

  35. There is a lot to appreciate Linda. When we don’t we are susceptible to what it seems the same issues just waiting to be given identity to by us saying ‘Yes’ to it. It’s self-abuse..

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