Since childhood I have had an issue with my feet.
They always looked too big to me and my toes seemed too long, out of proportion as to how I judged beauty to be. As an Asian woman, I grew up holding onto the image that beauty is being soft spoken, never drawing attention to oneself and about having tiny and delicate feet, as most of the women that I grew up with had small feet, and I would compare myself with them. I would deliberately buy shoes that were a little bit too small, convinced that my feet should and could fit into them. In consequence, my feet would suffer but there were always justifications for doing this, such as in time the shoes would either ‘magically’ stretch, or that my feet were actually as I believed them to be, smaller and more delicate than they are.
The concept of delicateness to me then was one which was purely determined by outward appearances (but now I understand that delicateness is a quality within myself no matter how I looked on the outside), and so I could not accept that a woman of my petite stature could have feet that seemed so long. I did not want to stand out with my “big” feet, and was continuously finding ways to literally “fit in” to what was my accepted ideal of myself.
There was a lot that I didn’t accept about my outward appearance. Not only did I not like my feet, I also did not like being petite. I wanted to grow taller or have smaller feet, anything but just being me. A few years ago my body went through a lot of changes. I lost a lot of weight and was constantly receiving negative comments from everywhere.
At that point, I realised I had been living entrenched under the mercy of how the world thought of me, and I chose to stop.
Throughout the years with working on accepting more of myself, I have continued to discard shoes that are too small and felt uncomfortable. Although recently, when feeling much closer in connection to myself, I still found myself buying another pair of shoes that were a bit too tight! Not only did this expose a pattern of self-sabotaging shopping, it showed me that subtly and insidiously, I keep coming back to the familiarity of holding back.
Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.
So in every aspect of expression, holding back has been normal and familiar for me in life—from the tone and manner in how I speak, the way I hold myself, the food I choose to eat and how much, the way I dress, how much money I allow myself to have, the way I move…. all reflect that a lack of self-worth is normal, if not expected of myself. This was the picture of how being a woman should be in my growing up.
Consequently, not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore.
So one day when I put on a ‘favourite’ pair of shoes, I stopped to truly feel. Although these shoes did not hurt, they were quite pointy and the tip of my feet felt capped and therefore the whole of my body did not feel fully spacious. My feet, just like any part of my body deserve to be truly expressed, therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being. There will always be beautiful shoes around which are just a bit too small for me, and it is up to me to say “no”.
I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.
Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.
To have come to this understanding is an appreciation of, and an inspiration from Serge Benhayon.
By Adele Leung, Image Director and Fashion Stylist, Hong Kong
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“There was a lot that I didn’t accept about my outward appearance. Not only did I not like my feet, I also did not like being petite. I wanted to grow taller or have smaller feet, anything but just being me.” – this is something a lot of us can relate to… a picture we have of how we ‘should’ be and can never measure up to. This picture is fed to us from a young age and is there governing us till such point that we realise its control and ditch the picture. Except there is often another picture there waiting – so the game is to discard all the pictures till there are none left, and then we can be left to be and express all the beauty that is already there within us without any impositions placed upon us.
It feels slightly ludicrous to me that we are all completely sold on the idea that in order to be seen as either beautiful or attractive that certain body parts need to be either large or small. The fact that we can look at a part of our own bodies or the part of another person’s body and instantaneously note that it’s unattractive based purely on it’s size is a reflection of just how caught up we’ve become in the world of matter rather than recognising and registering that we are made up of energy and it is this that precedes matter. Individuality versus commonality.
Even though we are human beings we give little attention to our being, we have a world that is so focused on physicality and the standards we have set for our bodies – it all feels horribly superficial. I too have been brought up in a body based environment, and had little idea about nurturing the truly beautiful qualities within myself, nor in understanding their power in the world to inspire others and confirm another’s being. The world as it is feels very ruthless as when we make it about the appearance of the body we can find so many differences, faults, weaknesses etc, and it can become a source of constant comparison, misery and individuation. On the inside as soulful beings our essence is equal and much the same, it’s unique expression varies but the utter beauty of equality we feel with others is a joy to live, and our being lovingly nurtures the body unconditionally. It’s a completely different relationship to the body to place the being first, then its love encompasses the body exactly as it is, just as we would a precious infant.
It is very common to say that small feet on women are attractive. I wonder where this comes from, there’s an association with a woman who has small feet to be small overall. And perhaps women are “supposed” to be small. Such beliefs are so ingrained in your understanding of life that we don’t even realise how deep they go.
I used to compromise a lot when I bought shoes simply because I like them, even though at times they were too small – ‘surely they would stretch’ – or they were rather uncomfortable – ‘I need to walk them in’. Oh, how my delicate feet suffered; but no more. These days I appreciate the continual hard work my feet do, day in and day out, so I never buy a pair of shoes unless my feet feel totally at home in them and that they are super supportive from the very first moment. No wonderful bargain or beautifully presented pair of shoes will ever change the way I now buy my shoes; I love my feet too much.
It’s interesting that we see delicateness as being small and dainty, instead of seeing that the expression of delicateness can come in all shapes and sizes.
I feel tears of joy coming by your words of Truth. The true purpose of living on earth is to express all that we are.
Beautifully and simply expressed. It makes me consider, if I am holding back what is naturally there for me to express, in how I move, dress, speak, work, then I am holding back an angle and aspect of connection to the universe.
Perhaps having big feet in relation to your body size is inviting you to make a deep imprint on the world everywhere you walk.
That resounds Truth in my body. Can feel this so strongly thank you Mary.
“for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” and there we go, the words that confirm the beauty of a women and put a whole industry out of business.
Before that happens, the whole industry is trying to put those who speak truth out of business. But the answer and choice is always love.
Maybe in years to come ‘The Beauty Industry’ will be an industry that focuses solely on supporting women to return to the truth of who they already are and hence support them back to being their original blindingly beautiful selves.
‘There was a lot that I didn’t accept about my outward appearance. Not only did I not like my feet, I also did not like being petite. I wanted to grow taller or have smaller feet, anything but just being me’. I am sure this is something most women can relate to. Rejecting our bodies is simply a symptom of lack of self worth/self loathing. Letting go of hurts, learning to appreciate what we bring and how to connect to all that we are supports with a deeper settlement in everyday life, which brings not only a deepening acceptance of self but a celebration of self too. All vestiges of critiquing my own body are long gone.
When someone does not hate their body, they stand out in this industry. Either as a source if inspiration or reaction, and the choice is in the receiver.
Very true – the beauty of the self loving reflection can expose how deeply entrenched in self loathing someone can be. They can choose to admit it and begin the healing process, or in the total identification of the self loathing, dislike intensely what they are being offered and attack the person reflecting what they dare not choose.
Hear hear Adele to accepting and expressing the grandness that we are. For me it has been definitely a process of letting go of the holding back and how comfortable it is not to shine. But really in truth how comfortable is it when we are under so much tension and dis-harmony from not expressing all that we are. Ironic really!
How when almost the whole world turns against you for expressing yourself with love, there is a deep trust within us to keep going no matter what is reflected back, well done.
Letting go of all the things that we’ve held onto and perhaps valued in some way, but that actually keep us small and protected, feels incredibly liberating.
The more we do this, the more all of the seemingly tiny ways we’ve held back and sabotaged ourselves become more apparent and obvious – showing themselves in order to be reviewed and discarded.
Spot on Bryony, and this is a bit like renovations….when you paint one wall and make it look pretty, then suddenly the other walls show themselves to also be needing a coat of paint, or the furniture now looks shabby and needs an upgrade etc etc. It is a gradual process where one thing leads to the next as it it gradually revealed what is needed.
“for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” A beautiful sharing and understanding of the capping we do to ourselves and the lack of self worth we create by looking to the outside instead of our inner beauty from within and the appreciation and fullness of this. A great reflection from our shoes and the love for our feet and ourselves expressed with such clarity.
Our feet are our foundation, so to wear shoes that are uncomfortable and compromise how we walk and how we move will also compromise our expression, everything is connected we can’t ignore any part of our body without it affecting the whole.
Well said Alison – everything matters, nothing can be taken in isolation as all is connected to the whole.
This makes so much sense, ‘capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.’
And this micro example of capping is identical to the macro version, i.e. when just one of us doesn’t live the fullness of who we all are in truth then the truth of who we all are is capped. We’re here to collectively live the greatness of God, let’s all go to it!
“for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” – an inspiring reminder today, thank you.
‘There will always be beautiful shoes around which are just a bit too small for me, and it is up to me to say “no”.’ And walk in the light we know we are from. Shoes that fit properly can give us a true basis to walk our own walk, be our beautiful selves in life.
I have recently discovered shoes whose soles have been made from foam, ooh I just love the feel of them as I walk, it supports me to walk with purpose and ease. Walking and how I walk has become incredibly important to me in recent years and so my footwear plays a pivotal role to how my walk feels in my body.
I have wondered while reading this blog but never brought it up before about you’re being Chinese and thinking your feet are too big. Could there be some connection with the Chinese cultural tradition of the past where feet were bound to keep them small? Can these kind of beliefs be held in our bodies from past lives?
There is definitely a belief that Women should have smaller and delicate feet. But the truth from the body says, but culture is not to bind you in this life no longer. Thank you Elaine.
Are we truly walking our own walk? Or are we stepping forward in ideals and beliefs? If so, they are sure to scuff and constrain and dig in our feet.
Are we truly? Our whole body would know and our choice would naturally impulse us how to move.
‘therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being’ This is similar to wearing clothes that are too tight . It restricts our movement and however good they might look it is just not worth the discomfort and the assault on our body. Likewise when we go without a coat or a cardigan because it spoils the look. If our body is cold looking after it with something warm needs to come before anything else. And as someone else commented it is not what we wear but how we wear it and how comfortable we are in our own skin in the first place.
Our look we have to know is never spoiled if it comes from our innermost, contrary to the belief that clothes make the person look good rather than the person breathing life and love into the clothes.
Yes absolutely agree diningwithoneandwith love. When we are joyful for example it matters not what we are wearing it is the joy that is felt and when someone walks with grace, it certainly is breathed in and through the clothes.
This abuse is unfortunately so common with many women, lovely that you are no longer accepting this capping, ‘Consequently, not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore.’
Wow isn’t there literally thousands of ways we cap ourselves as women. Now is the time to expose all that rot and instead stand strong shining who we are.
So many parts of the body that show that each part is of equal values and deserves as equal care.
The difficult thing is that most of us have no conscious awareness that we are, in fact capping ourselves, it is quite literally just the way that we are and because it is ‘just the way that we are’ most of us don’t see it. ‘The way that we are’ is an alignment and when we are aligned to a consciousness that doesn’t want us to know the truth of who we are then it doesn’t provide us with the option of knowing the truth about how we’re being. That’s what is so incredible about the methods of support offered by Universal Medicine, is that they support people to shift their alignment over time and so gradually the blinkers come off and we’re able to see the truth about how we’re choosing to be and what we’re choosing to do because those options come as part of our new alignment.
Accepting any pace that is not coming from the steadiness that we know we can connect to from within brings less love and care that we know is on offer for ALL.
The trick to life is to let Life set the pace and to fall in with that but we don’t, we’re hellbent on setting the pace ourselves and that’s what we do. We set a highly irregular pace, one that is completely out of step with the true rhythm of life and then wonder why everything’s so haywire, not least of all our health.
I found an interesting place this can also play out in is wearing bras – putting up with discomfort or achy lace because they are pretty or sexy or make us look good but they feel really awful, or even just accepting a bra size that isn’t right for you. We settle for less in how we treat ourselves and we can’t imagine that this isn’t going to be a brick in the building of our lower self worth.
I recently found a social media platform where women wear mini bikinis which cannot cover their breasts, and it was supposed to be sexy and beautiful. This is a great example of the ideals we have which cement our lack of self worth, self care and self love with ourselves.
Uncomfortable footwear, ill fitting bras, jeans that are too tight etc are all things that cause our bodies to suffer and yet most of us are oblivious to this because we have a picture or a belief that we’re holding somewhere up ahead or in front of us and our gaze is fixed on the picture to the exclusion of pretty much everything else. We are literally blind sided by pictures and beliefs.
As a teenager I remember squashing my feet into shoes that were too small so that my feet could appear smaller. Absolutely crazy! Your point about allowing our greatness and our true size is so important. And this includes every part of us, including our feet!
What I have learned is every part of my body is here to love me and to remind me of love. My feet are reminding me to walk steady and to impact truly.
The quality of steps we take shape our whole world. We are designed to move appreciating our relationship with God. If we don’t we effectively strap on a ball and chain to our ankles.
This is such a great example of the self-abuse and criticism that we inflict on ourselves. It is amazing how common it is for women to have an aspect of their body that they dislike that no one else would see as ugly, too big or small. What an empowering story of letting go of these thoughts and accepting the only beauty that matters – our essence.
‘Our essence’ is not something that most women can comprehend, it’s way too abstract. Most of us as women are caught up in the temporal version of life, it’s about how we look, what we do, how other people look and what other people do. The fact that there is a much deeper aspect of life happening simultaneously to the temporal aspect of life escapes the majority of us. And it is for this reason that the majority of us (and I include men in this too) are struggling to the extent that we are. This will shift eventually but we’re currently some way off that at the moment.
Adele’s blog reminded me about how recently I got rid of a whole bunch of socks I had that all of a sudden felt too small or tight around my ankles, even though I am quite thin and have not experienced any change in body weight. They felt so constrictive for my feet and ankle, as if it was being choked off and now after reading this blog I could feel just how much these things really affect us on an energetic level and how it is beneficial to follow what our body is telling us.
Our awareness when deepened shows us a different reality that by just sight can never offer.
Our feet will express our joy when we put on shoes that fit and support our walk through life.
Ain’t that the truth Annelies! What must it set up physically and energetically to squeeze our feet into shoes that are either too small or just plain painful and then to walk around on them all day? Our feet surely are our foundation and so to have our foundation as abusive is not a very loving platform for either the rest of our body or for the steps that we then take to imprint the earth with.
‘I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are’. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a women claiming all of her.
Beautiful to feel how you are honouring your feet and giving them space to express.
Over the last several years I’ve become very highly tuned to how my body feels and simply can’t tolerate discomfort. Hang on a minute that’s not true because I still allow myself to wait too long before I go to the loo despite the fact that my bladder feels really uncomfortable. Ignoring discomfort when it’s easily remedied aligns me to a consciousness that is very happy for me to put my body into hardship, whereas when I honour my body it aligns me to a consciousness that loves me back.
“Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” Beautiful Adele. Allowing our natural expression out – and supporting others to do so – is powerful medicine.
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.” So false is this belief which runs deep though many cultures – time to break the mould and claim back what it truly is to be a women.
I have really delicate feet, elegant and graceful even but this I would not have had the capacity of acknowledging when I wrote this article as all I felt was how out of place my feet looked in proportion to my other body parts. What I have never questioned was perhaps it is not my feet that were big but that my body was being marginalized and suppressed to become too contracted? Hmmm
I think it’s a great point about how we can associate delicateness with outward appearances but I agree with you that it’s not actually about appearances but a quality that we all innately hold within us (men and women) and one that we can reconnect with through honouring our body – not through trying to make it fit a ‘delicate’ picture!
These days if clothes pinch or bother me as I ware them the action to remove it, discard or not buy in the first place is far quicker than I used to. Who held onto a pair of sneekers for 13 years this to me is awesome as I am far less willing to put up with something constantly irritating my body.
Although I did not have the cultural beliefs I had a similar experience to you. I thought that I was too big and so dressed in over size clothes and shoes that were like runners and things like that. I would never wear a more feminie style of shoe as I didn’t think this was for me. One day I went into a shoe shop and the woman there was very warm and offered me to try on a strappy shoe- not in sympathy- but she just said, ‘Hey, I think this will look good on you’. She didn’t realise my hang up, I tried them on and they were awesome- they became my favourite shoes because I felt very feminine in them and had never allowed this in myself before.
“Consequently, not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore.”
Its crazy how we can feel familiar with abuse – this is the insidious nature of comfort we keep repeating our old negative patterns until we choose to get to the root of it and instead choose a more loving way of being.
I have been considering your blog and looking in my eyes at different times of the day, just to see if what I receive changes depending on how I am feeling or what have been doing and the quality I have been doing it in. There is definitely a difference and I now know it is something we need to take enormous notice of. I can see how there is a reduction of what we bring to the world when we do not embrace all we are, it is like turning the light down. But what if we are all walking around with our lights down – except for the few who still live their light in full and then we start to think they are the ones who need to tone it down because the reflection is hurting our eyes!!!
We are the most dazzling and resplendent of lights and it’s not so much that we ‘tone ourselves down’, it’s more accurate to say that we throw heavy horsehair blankets over our light and block it out almost completely. Sure our light can never be dimmed but my word be can black it out almost completely. And whether we are allowing our natural light to shine or whether we are blacking it out depends purely on our alignment. Align to a consciousness that isn’t divine and regardless of whether we think we’re shining, in actual fact we’re not; but align to the divine consciousness and we’re starting to let our natural light be expressed and seen in the world, again even if we don’t initially recognise that that is what’s happening.
At the end of the day the way we dress becomes a question of self honouring and self respect, and do we care more about how we feel and choosing exactly what we need to feel amazing or do we care more about our image and what other people see or think about us.
This is a huge shift in your self-worth Adele – such an inspiring shift. A gorgeous confirmation of how we can celebrate and honour our bodies. I too have criticised my large feet – and reading this makes me appreciate that by being unloving towards any part of my body lets in an abuse.
I have read this many times and every time I feel inspired to go through my shoes and every time I ‘forget’ this time it shall not be so! I have many shoes I hardly wear because they are uncomfortable but that doesn’t really make sense to hold onto something that is hurting me, even if they are very pretty! It is time Adele.
Your comment made me smile, it reminded me of when I was in my late teens/early 20s and I used to buy these beautiful extremely high heels that were crippling, only to take them back a few weeks later because I couldn’t walk in them without excruciating pain – and as you say there’s no point keeping something that actually hurts you!
“for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” Beauty is so far more then what we physically look like, true beauty is a quality that never dies and never alters with age.
I am someone who uses expressions like ‘true beauty’ and ‘the truth of who we all are’ but I am beginning to feel that these words are so inadequate and one dimensional compared to the multidimensionality of what I am attempting to describe. We are depth beyond depth beyond depth.
‘Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman…’ I’m certainly glad that you are not holding back your expression now Adele, what a lovely sharing about your journey of self-acceptance and expressing who you are, without holding yourself back as a woman!
When I was a teenager I struggled to find shoes that fit. I could never find shoes that fit properly, so consequently squeezed my feet into the next size down. Now I have bunions to show for it – total disregard. Nowadays, the range of sizes is much wider, much like the shoes (!) and comfort is top of the list! Being tall I often wore flat shoes and sometimes felt a little frumpy – accepting myself for who I am and therefore choosing to stand tall, has meant I can wear heels and that feels very sexy… I love expressing myself through what I wear on my feet, and if I am happy with my hair too, everything feels complete – at both ends!
Sandra I am a short woman and yet I love the feeling of standing tall because it comes from my newly re-discovered self-worth and also from knowing who I am and what I know I’m here to bring. The way that I feel about myself directly effects the way that I stand and walk. I often walk in a way that feels very claimed, no excuses, no holding back just the solidness of who I know myself to be.
For years, possibly lifetimes, I have been telling myself I can’t read bodies, I can’t feel energy, and I am somehow different from everyone else because they can, and I can’t. I realise now how ridiculous this was and once I exposed myself from making up these stories the floodgates began to open to my expression, and trusting my feelings, so when you share that you held back expressing in your fullness and greatness I can so relate to that – why do we hold ourselves back as women when in a blink of an eye we can change the world and live in and return to living as the Goddesses we truly are, shoes or no shoes!
Adele, you share that you didn’t want to be petite, well being a tall lady with feet that reflected my height, I yearned to be petite and dainty – seems we’re never satisfied with the body we have, always wanting something different. Comes down to the lack of self love and acceptance of who we are. As I got older I came to love my height and realised, like you, that the quality of delicateness comes from within and it really doesn’t matter what you look like or what size you are, because if you love yourself from the inside, is exudes from every particle of our body out into the Universe of which we are all a glorious and sacred part of the one stupendous whole.
Yes Great comment. You know I am a relatively small person but I always thought I had big ugly feet, I convinced myself this was true and I think my family agreed with me. I used to wear big Doc Martins and biker boots – really big heavy boots and shoes. Recently, as I have been doing more Esoteric Yoga and embracing my delicateness I have seen that my feet are incredibly delicate – MY FEET! What is with that? How can my feet change, they are bone and mini muscles, they can’t change! But how I see tham is so incredibly different. What if we do that about other parts of our body and we don’t really know ourselves at all?!!!
It’s amazing how much our beliefs can colour the way we perceive ourselves!
“Consequently, not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore.” Yes even though it is accepted currently that illness and disease come from bacteria’s, viruses and genes gone crazy, we ourselves with the way we live have the biggest impact on our bodies by how we move and how we care for our bodies. Not allowing ourselves to be the greatness that we are is at some point very uncomfortable in the body and if we don’t listen can move into an illness or disease.
Your blog Adele has reminded me of how I too used to hate my feet as I felt they were too big. And then one day, a friend of who always wore the latest fashion, and had just bought some new platform shoes, brought in her old ones for me to wear during the day at school. Despite the fact they were at least one size too small for me, and they really hurt my feet, I squeezed my feet into the shoes and tottered around in them all day feeling like the bees knees. It is quite crazy how far we will go, given the chance, to sabotage ourselves in the name of some form of identity. Whatsmore, I continued this pattern on occasions when the look was more important to me than the physical discomfort. Needless to say now I simply cannot wear anything on my feet that hurts, even a little bit, as apart from anything else, they deserve to be treated with lots of love and true care.
Our feet are our connection to the Earth as we move through life and provide a balanced foundation to the whole of our physical body.
Adele, I can very much relate to rejecting my feet, a couple of days ago what I noticed was an acceptance of them for just how they are, I had removed the nail varnish and just looked at them and saw how lovely they were, for many years I had hidden them under socks, in boots, with lots of nail varnish – not wanting anyone to see them as I thought there was something wrong with them and so it felt amazing to look at them and see how lovely they actually are.
It’s easy for us to love the parts of our bodies that we deem to be beautiful but it’s ny on impossible for us to love the parts of our bodies that we think are ugly. The fact that we partition our body up into bits that we love and bits that we don’t sets ourselves up to not be able to love our whole body because it comes from an alignment to a consciousness that won’t allow us to love the whole of us exactly as we are.
I get the sense that holding back our natural expression is a big part of being human, creating a forever struggle with ourselves that rarely gets fully healed. And this is where perhaps the glory of self-love comes in to our lives, because maybe through the deepest forms of self-acceptance can we begin to see the value and the worth of speaking the truth from its most universal source.
I feel very inspired to try on every pair of shoes I own and only keep those that my body says yes too, my whole body!
I am aware of accepting abuse in my life, and also putting it out, it is like we grow up thinking that the world is dangerous and so we protect ourselves likes crabs with a hard shell. We think this hard shell is protection but it adds to our woes and we go numb and layer ourselves with more abusive behaviour because we have gone so hard. Time to get gentle, free ourselves and step in full expression regardless of our perceived hurts.
Recently I felt my work shoes were cramming my toes up too much, I let it go and persisted with wearing these shoes until one day I realised how unloving I was being to my feet and compromising myself. I bought new shoes and it has felt much more comfortable and loving for my feet, a great lesson to act on what we feel rather than holding ourselves back and overriding what our bodies are telling us.
I found that much of the times I went through a change in my life it changed the way I dressed. Sometimes subtly so, sometimes quite substantially.
It’s amazing how abusive we can be to ourselves, and yet not recognise it because it is something we have just accepted as normal. I loved reading here about how you have been building your self-worth and freeing yourself from mental impositions on how you thought you should look by being more aware of your body and how different shoes actually feel to wear.
Today as I hobble to work in my shoes that make sores on my toes, but look neat on the outside – this was a beautiful blog to reread Adele. I got reminded that everything expresses, communicates and relates back to the way we are in all of life. Once we accept how powerful what our body feels is, we will start to embrace and sense more the greatness we are. The very oppposite of the hobo who needs to pay his way by flogging his body without mercy. There’s no need for us to walk in these shoes any longer.
We might find different parts of our body ugly or disagreeable but what we don’t see is that every moment of every day we are emanating energy. And when we are in this mode of ‘self-disgust’ what the world gets is revolting and not truly us. We are designed to appreciate and nurture – anything else as you show Adele is toxic to the whole environment we live in.
” for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are. ” This is so very true and all parts of our body is specifically designed for that purpose.
Our bodies are vehicles through which energy flows and they are instruments that we use to align to one of two energies. How we move our bodies, what we say with our bodies, what we think with our minds collectively determines which of two energies will flow through them. Getting caught up in our appearance, be that either worrying about how a body part looks or equally getting caught up in the glamour of looking a certain way comes from an energy that isn’t true and these form of expression only serve to guarantee that we remain aligned to that particular energy.
The pictures we have can hold us back, but once we let them go, it can feel like being released from shackles, then we can so simply return to the true Love we are, with our fitting into anyone else’s shoes but our own.
So very true what you share Adele about what we are ‘used to’. Like a prisoner trapped in a cell and who freaks out when they are let out, we feel it is odd when we connect to Love and then switch back to the comfort of what we are used to, even though it hurts us. Here’s to building the ability to steadily walk back to Truth, even though it might seem uncomfortable and new.
I always find it interesting that the moment you lose weight as a woman people comment on it but no one mentions it when you become overweight. I would like to think that this means we care about each other when we lose weight but why isn’t the same done for weight gain? For me weight gain is significant, as comfort eating, lack of exercise, using food as a crutch etc. means something is not right.
I love the symbolism here: squashing our feet into shoes that don’t fit = not wanting to play it big/walk in our fullness.
It is in the movement in which we choose to fit in that we squash the true spaciousness and grandeur of who we are and this is a shame for all. When we surrender to the all of who we are our movements then reflects this too. Its in the acceptance we find great expansion.
How many times do we compromise what we feel or our comfort or ease for what we wear? I think there comes a point in life where we know how we feel on the inside is more important than how we look, our style, or what we wear – then life becomes about quality and maintaining the integrity of that quality first and foremost.
God is a quality and the only way back to Him is by refining our quality to such an extent that we begin to be the same quality or tone as God. This has nothing to do with being benevolent or kind, these are big fat red herrings, it is about returning to an energetic way of being that syncs us back to being in step once again with God. Eventually we’re all going to morph back into His Oneness. And I say ‘hallelujah’ to that!
Sometimes I don’t even notice the pictures that I am holding myself too. It will sometimes be when I see something in another or when a new possibility is presented I will realise an area that I have been holding myself back in and this will then show pictures that I have had in relation to this of how I have viewed or held myself. It is very freeing when you learn to let these go.
It is true just the tiniest tension in our clothes can really change how we feel. It is super important to wear clothes that express us and are comfortable and not anything less or different.
How amazing that our bodies are able to tell us the truth of what we’re living and accepting, and how, when we listen for long enough and start to tune into the messages, we start to notice more and more the abuse that we live with and that surrounds us, and not automatically accept it. Even making the simplest, smallest choices to look after ourselves and treat ourselves a bit more lovingly, starts to make a difference to how we treat ourselves and how others are with us.
We are yet to realise how damaging these images and ideals on beauty truly are for the moment one worms its way into us, it gets to work in insidious ways, making sure we do not allow our true beauty to be unashamedly seen and felt by all others.
‘To be unashamedly seen by all ‘ is the key for me, I learn that from my daughter who is so comfortable in her body it is wonderful it is part of my job as her parent to live in a way that inspires her to grow up and remain that at ease in herself.
I have had an attachment to my feet, I am tall, with small feet, I have liked how they looked and even for years and others did to, after being pregnant my feet grow another size and I had put my hands up and grow with my shoes…and feet! If we are honest we have different issues and attachments with my any of our body parts, what is our relationship with the whole of us?
I really want to explore this comment of yours today “for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” I know it is true but I would like to understand it from a personal level so I can understand the damage not living that can have on a humanity level. I can just feel there is a greater understanding of the issue waiting for me.
Yes, I kind of feel that too Lucy – we know there is much more to us than we think and I sometimes feel there is a brick wall in front of me (self imposed of course) and beyond that wall is a wonder and an amazingness that I can only dream of. That amazingness is the true us of course, just waiting for the barriers we have imposed upon ourselves to come down. I’m joining you on working on having a deeper understanding of myself and how ‘the damage not living that can have on a humanity level’ can do. Thank-you for sharing your wisdom.
Lucky humanity to have more of Sandra in it then! We have placed so much empahsis on what we do and when we get exhausted by all we do we start to say no and do less , but in fact we also say no to engaging with life and people. We get the doing and the being confused. As I walk back through my barricades and defences I start to see how and why I ended up so exhausted. Re-getting to know ourselves could well be the most wonderful part of medicine we have missed.
We are the consciousness of God that has totally and utterly forgotten this immutable fact, so much so that we spend huge portions of our lives worrying about the size of our body parts. Crazy but true.
It’s interesting how we can take on pictures and contort ourselves to try and fit into these. Although I didn’t have this with my feet I can totally relate to it in many other ways.
Our entire life, from beginning to end, will be based on pictures until we connect to our Inner Heart and live from our Soul’s impulses. I suspect you know that already MW, as your inner wisdom shines through your comment 😉
Even when we know our inner heart and the beauty that lies within us, the moment we step away or disregard it, a picture of how we should be (that wants us to feel less) will come flooding in.
Our feet are our foundation; our walk, an expression of how we feel about ourselves and how much we’re prepared to express who we truly are to the world. Every step can either confirm and celebrate who we are, or take us further away from it.
I used to wear shoes when I was younger that at times didn’t really fit, because I wanted to wear them for fashion or fit in. Even if they would hurt me, which when I think about it now seems so complete stupid, that I would put myself through pain for fashion, now I do listen to my feet and wear what feel true for my body.
I think there are many images that relate delicateness to an outward appearance rather than a connection with an energetic quality, something that we can feel or sense and that isn’t defined by the way it looks. It’s great to unpick words like this and to consider what is wrapped up in the way we interpret them or think of them as; sometimes things may look ‘delicate’ but energetically not feel great…
I have found this with jobs, when holding myself as less money doesn’t come into my life. When I open up my heart and follow where I feel to be in a job, the job and the money flows in the more I value and invest in where I feel to be, the support comes back.
The avoidance of my feelings, the critical inner talk or any other forms of abuse may have previously been accepted and are familiar to me. But the more I develop a relationship with my body it is amazing how it cannot tolerate any of this anymore and continues to show me that it doesn’t deserve such. Not with justifications and reasons as to why I should stop the abuse but when I allow myself to feel how lovely I am it makes sense to stop the abuse. The abuse comes when I believe I am something I am not, that ‘what is not me’ deserves and is actually created from the abuse in the first place. Feeling who I truly am detaches the real me from that self that is abused.
Wow – you have just a stated the obvious that we have made en masse so not very obvious Adele. How women very often will choose fashion over something that is truly supportive to walk with, and in so doing we walk with a fraction of ourselves.
“capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being” I had never really seen it like this before Adele but yet it makes so much sense, I know in my cupboard there are many shoes I have brought for fashion rather then to feel supported – I feel a shoe clear out coming on.
This blog shows how harming culture can be when it sets a ‘perfect’ or ideal standard of how a woman should look. It sets up a life of comparing ourselves to this ideal and not feeling enough.
Putting ourselves down shows up in the way we dress, in the care we take with the simplest of choices. It is not about style, money spent or body shape, it is the love and care we wrap ourselves in as an undergarment.
I always thought my hands were too small and reminded me of a child’s for most of my life, but I now feel the delicateness of my movements when I move my hands and the pictures I held of them have but melted away. It’s the quality of our being and how we then move that determines the essence of who we are and that is deeply divine.
Is it very important with every comment about appearance to feel whether it is a confirmation (false or true) or an expression of jealousy or of love?
“but now I understand that delicateness is a quality within myself no matter how I looked on the outside”, this is beautiful to read, as how often do we apply an image to our understanding that very much limits the expression of what we feel and are.
” As an Asian woman ,I grew upholding onto the image that beauty is being soft spoken , never drawing attention to oneself ”
Is it not amazing how we allow the lie of society , culture and race tell us what beauty is and then live by this falseness in our lives. Its so wonderful to hear your writing and understanding of how you have exposed this falseness / lie to yourself and of course therefore you will expose the lie to others by living the beauty that you truly are , how wonderful.
Well said Adele – how sad it is we spend so much of our life trying to fit ourselves in to these pictures and ideals of what beauty is. Whenever we do this we totally miss the real divine qualities that we already have. The more we appreciate these, the less likelihood there is, we will ever squash ourselves to ‘look good’ again.
What I love about your sharing Adele is that every fine detail of our bodies is important when it comes to the love we are willing to choose. The more and more I become aware of my body and how I live, the more pockets of neglect or abuse spring up, which is awesome because I am aware of it now and can make new choices to how i choose to live and care for myself. We are constantly refining and exploring who we are and it constantly uncovers so much beauty, grace and love along the way.
It is crazy that not accepting our greatness and fullness is what feels familiar and that accepting abuse can also feels familiar, to truly live a life of joy and purpose its all so important we break these patterns.
None of us are living a fraction of who we all are in truth, not a fraction. We have predominantly aligned ourselves to a consciousness that keeps us down trodden whilst preventing us from seeing the truth of what’s going on. I, like most people would have sworn blind that I was a happy person living a ‘good life’. But since shifting my alignment to the other consciousness (which I did by shifting my movements) I am now able to see the utter lie of it all and am dedicated to exposing those lies in order to reveal the truth.
I just loved your refusal to cap even the smallest part of you believing it to lesson the expression of the whole. Your level of commitment to yourself and to accepting and expressing your greatness is inspirational and something we would all benefit from embracing.
I too have large feet and find that there aren’t so many beautiful shoes to choose from. And when I discover shoes I like I find they have sold out, because there is no demand.?! I find this interesting, because as the population grows taller I assume foot size will also increase. I have so many pairs of shoes that don’t fit properly and never really did – time for a big clutter clear. Feeling content with whatever I have on my feet has now become a new normal for me.
I too have lived with the idea that holding back is a desirable characteristic of a woman. However, how can that be the case when being loving, sexy, and steady come so naturally and holding these qualities back make me feel miserable and we i don’t think that a miserable woman is not a desirable woman…
Beautiful Adele… “here is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” This ought to be a billboard poster across the globe.
I’m slowly going through a process at the moment where I am getting rid of things that don’t work for me. I’ve bought so many things that don’t suit my body shape because of this longing to look different to how I actually am. It’s very dishonouring of myself and certainly doesn’t make me feel very good when what I see in the mirror doesn’t fit the picture of how I expect to look in certain clothes.
Great blog Adele . . . I bet your feet are relieved that at long last you have accepted and embraced them for being who they are instead of holding them at ransom and torturing for not being what you want them to be!
Great point Adele about familiarity feeling comfortable because it’s what we know and what we’re used to, and these behaviours fit pictures of how we want life to be for us, until the body says no, I won’t accept this abuse any more. Holding back is a kind of abuse because it takes a huge amount of effort to be calculating and figuring out how much we can express or not, and because whatever isn’t expressed leaves a gap that is then filled with mis-interpretation of everything that hasn’t been said.
‘Capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being’ This is completely true and a key for me to remember. How often I overlook the way my clothes or shoes feel, and how much this affects the way I express.
The worst part about our current way of living life is the abuse we have got used to as ‘normal’. It actually doesn’t matter how long it’s been going on, how common it is for it to happen, or how hard it hurts – we have a choice in every moment, everyday to say ‘no, this is not my way’. You show Adele that whilst these things can be difficult they are actually easy to stop once we see clearly they are not the real you and me.
This highlights those little pockets of ourselves we keep secret and don’t want others to know of. Those little “me” moments are often points of comfort that dull us down in all those other moments of life. We don’t often consider it to be like this but we certainly know innately that it works this way.
There is no shoe in the world that is worth buying if it caps our expression. What do we choose, a shoe in creation, or our being in co-creation?
It is fascinating to observe what the ways we conform and constrict ourselves, everything is everything and nothing is nothing! So observing our shopping habits is therefore wise!
I love your blogs Adele, there’s always so much to learn from them. I have always bought clothes smaller than my size convinced that I should be able to fit in them. But a few months ago, i went shopping and didn’t look at the sizes, instead I chose clothes that felt nice to wear and that was the best feeling I’ve felt in a changing room!
It is crazy what our mind can come up with and tell us what is beautiful and what is not, when connect to the wisdom of our bodies we know we are all equally beautiful and in that way of being never do we feel lesser because we are strongly connected the all.
It is so easy to buy into the familiarity of how we’ve been, be it holding back or having an idea about how our body should be. It takes honesty and courage to challenge this and once we begin we start to see those areas and ways of being that are in fact capping us and keeping us in old, familiar and constrictive ways. We can let these go, if we choose to truly look and feel how they impact us and understand our buy in to them, and when we do we get in touch with the greatness we all are.
It is quite phenomenal when you consider how far our feet have walked in life. They surely deserve the most loving attention and care. They ‘carry’ and reflect much of how we have lived and treated our bodies.
Expressing from our fullness as women is allowing ourselves to look at our lives and the fine details of our livingness, to discover the depths of beauty that are right there waiting to be shared and to simply begin to weed out the pockets of abuse, holding back or pictures that no longer need to entrenched in our bodies to make way for the delicate blooms to prosper and radiate.
This is a great sharing Adele. And what it exposes to me is how i have put style before true expression in the past. And when it comes to shoes this has certainly been the case and I have worn heavy and uncomfortable shoes simply to make a statement without truly considering what this is doing to my feet and also my posture and movements.
‘My feet, just like any part of my body deserve to be truly expressed, therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.’ Well said Adele. We can’t leave anything behind.
Fascinating how we can grow up to accept very subtle but equally devastating abuse, even small statements in passing that aren’t overly meant to be offensive can get stuck in our psyche informing us subconsciously of how much we are willing to shine. Getting back to being all of who we are, and loving expressing that is the way to expose all these little nasties that run around inside us.
If you observe people’s feet, you can see all their life choices reflected in them – in their appearance, and in their condition and they way they feel. They offer us an intimate, potted history.
So true Victoria. My feet are asking for very deliberate steps at the moment. Every part of our body is designed to have purpose.
Yesterday I received a comment that the shoes I wore made my feet look small and that was beautiful because my feet looked delicate. To many the picture of women having small feet equating to being delicate and upper class still clouds our perception and confines a woman’s worth solely by her physical appearance. Every day, women receive so many comments and criticism on how we look, but if we get affected by this, we are in-truth choosing to be lessened and we are also confirming to ourselves and the world that we are just this body and not multidimensional. And if we are the ones who choose to be lesser, we are also then ones who can choose to not be disturbed by our body image because we know we are much more than that. And so I wonder–could any criticism of a woman’s outer appearance, really be a criticism of the multidimensionality we feel in her?
A lot of comments when truly read reveal more about the one commenting than the one it is receiving the comment.
When we realise how truly beautiful and great we are, we shine. And that shine is so powerful that, like the rays of the sun, everyone feels the warmth.
I love your sign off here Adele – for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal. Isn’t that the truth, yet it is fascinating all the ways that you describe that we can try to fit ourselves into an image we have decided is more ‘acceptable’. Do we live our lives in the full expression of our natural selves or do we cap, conform and contort for an outer ideal. The inner image is a perfect fit.
“I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” I had the experience of buying clothes too that would actually not fit comfortably really soon after buying them, even though it seems a waste of money, walking in clothes that are causing discomfort is never worth it. It is a lesson in not buying things for the good look only but for how it feels too.
It is amazing how we squeeze ourselves into images of how we feel we should look rather than accepting and celebrating our bodies as they are. I can relate to holding back in so many areas of my expression and it is only recently that I have been willing to invest the time to buy clothes and shoes that truly express me and in this process I have become willing to let go of so many past choices that no longer support me.
“I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” Beautiful Adele, and as i read your words I can feel the spaciousness around your toes and the potential offered by this balanced dispersal of weight throughout your foot; to again be walking and confirming all of you.
What a great metaphor for living life, not accepting anything less than what allows the fullness of who we are to be expressed in full.
Yes feeling the same, everything in life is giving us this clear reflection of our choices…how inspiring.
I have come to realise that returning to being our true selves is a process and an unfoldment. They will be many instances when I will see and be aware of the holding back that I am used to, in every such instance it is indeed an opportunity to return to deeper love, if I am able to observe rather than react, which is also becoming clearer to me. Because every time I am able to clock this and keep holding myself, knowing it is a part of the whole, truth is one step closer to me.
“there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are” So well said Adele, as a society we have become lost in so many images and ideals of what we ‘should’ look like, when we take on these beliefs all we are doing is harming ourselves.
It really is a choice to hold ourselves back, comparing ourselves to others, which can be crippling in every sense of the word. To find our own magnificence is actually what is called for here, to deeply feel how unique we all are and to allow that to shine.
This says it all- ‘…there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’ – it is so true Adele. When we walk in connection to all that we are in essence we walk in the magnificence of who we all equally are, which far exceeds anything or picture that exists in this world.
In the light of the truth you share Carola this is our loving response-ability. In time the truth walked ‘in the magnificence of who we all equally are’ will cast no shadows and dispel an false images.
Our walk does just that Victoria. It either adds to the falseness or exposes the lies by offering only the reflection of the grace and beauty that we all come from.
We choose so many ways to hide in this crazy world, ironically my insecurity was that my feet were too small for my body. Creating what I described as hoofs, like a horse, or pigs trotters. So I wore size 8 when I was a size 5 and half at the time. Believe it or not, its also really uncomfortable wearing shoes that are too big for you. What would happen was, I would buy them and then just slip out of them to the point I didn’t want to wear them. Weirdly, its like I wished my feet bigger because they did grow nearly a size and half very late in life, I went from a 5 and half sometimes 6 to a 6 and half nearly always 7. So I could tell you I have learned to love them as they are but I did have the advantage of getting what I wanted ha-hah. But seriously, my feet have been the focus of much negative attention over the years not just for there size but their texture and shape. When I say it like that I thought imagine if we treated a person with that type of distain? It would be considered horrible, so why do it to our own body parts, why not give them the love and care they deserve!
How often are women doing this, almost unconsciously – buying a size to big or too small be it clothes, bras, shoes etc – either covering up or trying to fit into an ideal size and shape. But is can also be as simply as avoiding looking beautiful – not trying on clothes that will really bring out your figure, not styling your hair in a way that is as beautiful as it could be – I know in myself looking back as I grew up, a part of me held myself back from being and looking the beauty that I was
Just this morning I was digging out some summer sandals because I am going away next week. I tried them on and to be honest they squeeze a bit. Part of me was saying, ‘they will be alright…its just for a week.’ It was timely to read your blog, because now I have decided not to compromise and go out to buy myself a comfortable pair for my holiday.
“Therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” The beauty of acceptance and self love is that it creates a forever deepening communication with our bodies. We can truly feel what expands us and frees our essence from expressing in full and what does not. Thank you Adele.
Having had years of disliking parts of my body and feeling like I had to hide them or disguise them in some way, only goes to show how it is easy to get gripped by self loathing, and see the body as the cause of all our unhappiness. These days I look at the ex-disliked parts and wonder what on earth I was thinking, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with them, and this has come about by building a more loving relationship with myself, and not accepting self criticism.
It is so true that delicateness is a quality that we can feel within and can be reflected in our movements no matter what our size of our feet or body is. That is if we fully claim and appreciate what we inherently bring as women before we even lift a finger, we can emanate a quality of divine delicateness.
‘capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts’ – I agree Adele. I use to feel this a lot when going out on day trips or occasions where I’d dress up; thoughts could kick in about what I ‘should’ wear in order to look fashionable, beautiful, trendy, thin etc. and then I might end up at the event feeling uneasy about my shoes, my hair or something else because it was uncomfortable and the style wasn’t really ‘me’. It makes such a difference to ditch the ideals and beliefs and dress/express ourselves as we feel to.
‘So in every aspect of expression, holding back has been normal and familiar for me in life—from the tone and manner in how I speak, the way I hold myself, the food I choose to eat and how much, the way I dress, how much money I allow myself to have, the way I move…. all reflect that a lack of self-worth is normal, if not expected of myself.’ In this sentence I recognise myself but one part did struck me the most and that is ‘how much money I allow myself to have’, this is really something for me to feel into, on a deeper level as in how much do I value myself.
I can so relate to the “familiarity of holding back.” simply because it had been ingrained into my life from very young; holding back just in case I was embarrassed, or people thought I was showing off, or that I might get hurt in one way or another. But what I didn’t realise was that I was actually getting hurt anyway by the choice to hold back as this was in total contrast to what my body naturally wanted to do. I have learned, the hard way, that it is very exhausting trying to live who you are not, a bit like wearing a pair of shoes that are way too small and hoping that they will stretch.
So true and beautifully expressed, nothing man made, created by humans is as grand as the connection we can naturally have within. I can feel that in how I live and I do not have the attachments I once did, there are some that still hang on, and it is still about being in the mix, in life, not in a bliss state, but it is about honouring that there is a bigger plan to what life is about and not just what we see with our eyes.
I read this Adele “continuously finding ways to literally “fit in” to what was my accepted ideal of myself” and realised how utterly crazy – we try to fit ourselves into the ideals and images we have OF OURSELVES! – let alone other’s expectations. And now writing it here just reinforces the incredulity, when I feel the natural grace and power all women hold.
Incredible isn’t it? When we attempt to fit into not only other’s expectations for us as well as our own expectations of ourselves, it is only natural that there comes a point when neither of these truly fulfil us and we simply have to just be our very natural self again. As a woman, this is my main purpose in life. Being who we are naturally is a call from the heart and an expression in all aspects, it has nothing to do with how we look or what our appearance is, a woman who expresses naturally and truly just cannot be boxed, she can be one thing or everything.
Wow Adele – this really jumped out at me when I read your blog: ‘Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.
So in every aspect of expression, holding back has been normal and familiar for me in life—from the tone and manner in how I speak, the way I hold myself, the food I choose to eat and how much, the way I dress, how much money I allow myself to have, the way I move….’ For me, holding back has manifested in an illness, and the healing that has been on offer since diagnosis has been nothing less than astounding. Now, your blog has given me the understanding that this ‘holding back’ has been not only in expression, but also across most aspects of my living. This is a big realization – thank you for expressing in a way that has truly resonated with me.
The right style, shape, size and comfort of shoes is as important to me as the right style, shape, size and comfort of my bras. When buying either, I need to be so present in my body to make sure they are the perfect fit, as I do not compromise even a little. No matter how much I may love what I see, if it even the slightest bit uncomfortable I will not buy it.
In essence we are each a part of a homogenous whole that knows how to live and breathe as One. However, this does not mean that ‘one size fits all’ yet we are fed images that lead us to subscribe to ideals of beauty that we cannot ever fulfil and create a lot of torment for ourselves when we do not fit such images, or shoes in this case. True beauty comes from a deep acceptance of who we truly are and the open hearted expression of this.
“capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” I love what you share here, we cannot cap any parts of the body as the impact is so huge across the body.
What a great sharing and very inspirations. Its such great timing as being asian women myself, I have also been noticing how I have been holding back in my life, and one the biggest exposure is around lack of money, Not being in my fullness and that impacting on the rest of my life.
“My feet, just like any part of my body deserve to be truly expressed” I love the idea of all the different parts of our body expressing, it has me wondering, is my hair expressing as much as my eyes? And do my wrists express as much as my smile?
There are so many pictures we hold around being a woman, so many of those pictures relate to how we should or should not look. In your example Adele it was your feet, for me it was my thighs and legs. I always looked on enviously at other women, especially those who have athletic looking legs. I would compare, make myself feel unworthy and less than just because I had slightly chubbier or bigger legs. I very rarely looked upon my body and just accepted it. It is a different story now, although there are some days that the old pictures come back in, but for the most part, I am very accepting of my body and self.
I have just recently bought myself some new shoes and took great care to make sure the size, heel height and fit we truly supporting me. Now when I wear them or even look at them I just love them. This is the marker now of a great pair of shoes for me.
We can all marvel at the delicacy and preciseness of the feet of a tiny baby but they need to grow to provide a firm foundation for the body as it develops into adulthood.
When we truly honour our delicateness and who we are as a women no matter what, that then allows for us to express, communicate and bring what is needed anywhere, anytime.
There are may ways that we can cap ourselves or set ourselves up so that we cannot walk in our fullness. What better way than with ill fitting shoes.
This blog shows how our everyday ‘normal’ behaviours may not be as harmless or innocent if we stop to look at them. How many of us put up with the little niggling parts of life such as small and/or uncomfortable clothing. It’s not what we class as a ‘serious harm’ but living in constant discomfort errodes away at us far worse because we don’t address it. It may not kill us but it is a form of self-harm by holding ourselves as less.
Adele I can really relate to your comment here about lack of expression becoming a normal familiar way of life as this is something I have experienced as well. It is a habit I am starting to break but like any addiction, sometimes I find myself slipping back into the old familiar ways before I realise it. Not expressing myself in full has become a strategy to get through life and I have believed it keeps me safe, but if I am honest it does not and I can feel living in this way is but a speck of the fullness and abundance and joy and vitality that I could be living all the time. Time to break that habit for good!
Feet are AMAZING and very underappreciated. Most of us stand and walk on them for our entire life. Some have very big bodies on little feet. Their feet have a lot of weight to deal with and they cop a lot of abuse sometimes squeezed into contorting shoes. I was pondering these things as I read the start of your blog and how there is an image in Asia that it is desirable for women to have tiny delicate feet. It seems logical and supportive for us to have nice big feet to give us a solid footing on the earth. Of course every body is different and there is no one size fits all, but certainly our feet deserve a lot more care and respect.
..’for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’ Yes Adele and the simple act of discarding shoes that are too small speaks volumes.
‘I wanted to grow taller or have smaller feet, anything but just being me’ – This is something felt by many, many women across the world, that we’re ‘imperfect’ and we’d be beautiful ‘if only’ we could change this thing about ourselves. What’s crazy about this ideal though is that even if we manage to achieve this, for example lose weight or grow our hair longer, then we just move onto the next ideal and put a different condition on our beauty – ‘we must be taller!’
At work I have a uniform that is about 10 sizes too big, but when I’m feeling great I know without question the greatness in me and the beauty cannot be diminished, when we know our greatness nothing we wear, shoes, clothes or anything can change the fact of that greatness.
This is what I love to explore and confirm too Meg, dressing in any clothes knowing its energy and imprinting the energy we simply are, is true freedom.
I agree, it’s like saying – no clothes wear me – I wear them and by virtue of that I choose the quality I want my day to be.
” I realised I had been living entrenched under the mercy of how the world thought of me” I can relate to this, it’s become very apparent recently how much I look outside of me for everything, love, what to wear, how to be, can I do this, instead of of looking inside of me, this is what I feel to wear, who to be, what to do, and not caring what anyone else or society thinks of me.
‘My feet, just like any part of my body deserve to be truly expressed, therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.’ I loved this sentence which reminds me to take the deepest care of all of me.
Expression from our connection is the most amazing experience, it actually is our natural way but so many of us have blocked our true expression for so many reasons..
I love my feet and love massaging them although this was not always the case when I was younger I used to panic a bit because I thought they were bigger than my friends and so ugly!! Crazy the thoughts that come through us about certain things which is why blogs like this are so important it starts to break the consciousness of unloving thoughts and ill behaviours patterns and beliefs that can become ingrained without us even noticing. Which is also why comparison and comparing to another is so debilitating as it triggers this. I never considered how much money I allow myself to have is holding back but it makes sense as I can really feel this in my life at the moment how I am not flowing and being all of me and how this is reflecting in money.
What comes through in what you say Adele is how we actively fight for, and continue to choose things that actually do not support what is true. We love them because they tick some imaginary box but so often this comes at the expense of our body – that is simply not right. What would our life be like if we honestly reappraised what we do and don’t like, in a true light?
Thank you Adele you raise such an important issue that our delicateness is a quality from within and even if we are larger in statue or phsycial size we can still hold and move ourselves in this quality of delicateness. I am reminded how gracefully, silently and delicately that elephants can move through the landscape without imposing their phsycial size.
The imprint we make in life is so big – if we understand the true energetic footprint we make with every move every day, we will never dwell on the quirks of our physical body. As you show here Adele it’s purpose is to bring through amazing wisdom, and so deserves to be unconditionally supported and loved.
A great example of how easily we can give ourselves over to the distraction of pictures and images and of what we think we should look like; it is so superficial, especially when the depths of who we are in all our glorious beauty is the real focus to have. From this connection the way in which we dress to support ourselves and the way in which we feel about our bodies is already decided upon by virtue of our relationship with our selves and if it is of a truly honouring quality. This way is natural to us after all…
When holding back is so ingrained we may not even know we are doing it, as what is holding back may simply be the norm reflected everywhere in a culture or a country or a community. And we may never know if we simply lived our lives following what we are told without truly discerning how it is felt in the body.
In regards to shopping, it is a very supportive practice to first feel how we are before buying something, as money is our life force and wouldn’t we want to use it wisely? There is a big difference in buying something when we buy it according to theloveliness felt within, and we can also be aware of how we feel in what was bought. Did we buy something as lovely to express our loveliness felt within? Or did we buy something that lessened the loveliness that was felt?
‘So in every aspect of expression, holding back has been normal and familiar for me in life—from the tone and manner in how I speak, the way I hold myself, the food I choose to eat and how much, the way I dress, how much money I allow myself to have, the way I move…. all reflect that a lack of self-worth is normal, if not expected of myself. This was the picture of how being a woman should be in my growing up.’ A very known picture and I can feel how ‘heavy’ I feel when I live this picture not allowing myself to live the joy that is so obvious living in my body, making that choice to not go into this heaviness but to let the joy and my delicateness come out just because I am.
Yes Adele, we life in a world were we have made it , men and women, about what we do instead of who we are in essence. We can see that everywhere around us. Many of us not even capable to truly find themselves. As I was on the same path.. During this period in my life , I came across the work of Universal Medicine and ‘Esoteric Women’s Health.. I found out that I just found that which brought me closer to home, closer to myself , closer to who I am (my essence). And so, I am loving to come back and see all the old ways I have lived, without judgement , only understanding – since than I got this huge more understanding of people and life.
I have recently bought some foot-shaped shoes. Who knew they existed. Sounds pretty obvious, but most of our shoes are much narrower than the actual shape of our feet. Well now I’ve been wearing them for a while, I can feel how I have become accustomed to being constricted and restricted in the shoes I used to wear. Amazing how we can allow being uncomfortable to become normal.
It always amazes me how huge the beauty departments are in department stores. Filled with products that make all sorts of claims that we fall for. And we spend vast amounts of money on them because we so want to look different to how we are. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with having fun with make-up and taking care of ourselves with a self care routine, but I know I have been lured by the outrageous claims of some products.
‘I wanted to grow taller or have smaller feet, anything but just being me.’ – The end of this sentence really says it all; we pick apart our appearance and find things ‘wrong’ with our body to avoid just being us. It’s even encouraged in society to do this and think badly of what we look like so there’s always a ‘goal’ or ‘hope’ that we’ll have smaller feet, be taller, lose weight, gain weight, our hair will change style and so forth. A lot of organisations actually make money based on women’s low self worth and appreciation, in plastic surgery for example.
Spot on Susie, when we are not confirmed for being ourselves as children, we quickly get swept into an ocean of pictures & expectations of what we are meant to be, I have found the “Our Cycles App” is a brilliant counter to this predisposition to self criticism for we here are offered a daily window to claim qualities that we bring but often choose not to appreciate.
This blog inspired me to be more honest with myself about some shoes I had that just didn’t fit right for my feet! It felt great to just acknowledge that I’d made a mistake buying them and to take more care with getting a new pair that really felt supportive.
I can also say that in being around the fashion industry, how women would sacrifice feeling comfortable to look good – this came to mind when you spoke about your shoes -and putting up with things instead of speaking up. But what a great thing to cut and say no too – putting our bodies first – a true role model.
When we don’t accept ourselves we are at the mercy of being accepted by everyone else thus leaving us to be crushed very easily.
We are literally capping ourselves when we try to squeeze into something in order to fit in, be that shoes or other people’s expectations.
So true Gabriele, it is great when we can break free of all these false pictures and express ourselves without holding back.
I can feel the freedom in what you share Adele – to accept ourselves as women in full as we are. The world is so looking at an ideal picture of what a women should look like though I feel what is more important and truly beautiful is a woman expressing a contentment, a deep acceptance and love for herself in what ever body shape she has and celebrates this – That is truly beautiful.
Buying into the pictures of what we’re sold beauty is, is what keeps us from feeling our true beauty.
Gosh, I can relate to this – wanting to be a certain way, shape, size, etc, anything but how I actually was, or addressing why I felt the way I did about myself. All of that fuelled an eating disorder…a lack of self worth laced with self loathing. The healing has been in connecting with myself and appreciating who I am and not what I look like or how big or small my bottom is, or how many wrinkles I have!
Interesting Adele how you felt you were capping yourself by the type of shoes you were wearing. It really brings it home how women in particular wear shoes which are not suited for their feet in an attempt to look fashionable.
Thank you Adele, you touch a lot of topics that concern us women and have a huge impact on us. It goes to show how very much we look to the world to show us how to be, we are learning by observing and then imitating, but it becomes a distorted way of living when everybody has learned to fit in and not live what they truly feel. So we do need to take conscious stops and learn to checkin with ourselves and trust our feelings once again to bring a true quality of living into the world, one that is not determined and confined by all that what we think we need to be but what we deep down know our truth to be. That way we step by step become ‘truer’ role models for each other and encourage and inspire each other to live that way.
” for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” This is the power and the freedom of true expression. I am little by little stepping outside of the box of beliefs and ideals that I have placed around myself, coming back to the true me with no longer the need to conform, but just be the amazing woman I am.
We are funny creatures, I have always considered my feet to be slightly too small for my proportions and so I choose to wear shoes one size bigger than I actually was, a random thing then happened was when I was about 25 years old, my feet actually grew a size! Regardless of my random little sharing, I still struggled to live up to my ideal of perfect feet…..my toes are curled and I still find it confronting to have people touch them. The equal importance you are bringing to every part of the body in this blog, including the clothes and shoes we wear is extremely important.
Adele, I love this blog – it’s so insidious as you say how we can measure ourselves and attempt to fit in, in so many ways, shoes being one, and you name it so clearly as a familiarity; it is and it’s one we can choose to say no to. I love this line in particular ‘There will always be beautiful shoes around which are just a bit too small for me, and it is up to me to say “no”.’ – it captures it beautifully, there is much in the world, which is beautiful but the question to ask is does it confirm us in our amazingness and if not to choose it to to dismiss ourselves, which is not beautiful at all.
This is an elegant way Adele to show how the pictures we have of how our life should be, cut into and restrict us every step of the way. The truth is we have much bigger footprint in this life, that just what we do, it is in the way we present and choose to move too. It is the energy we align to that leaves stepping stones for others to build on and to choose too. This is why it is so crucial to identify the quality we truly walk in.
Yes very beautifully expressed Adele. The most beautiful clothes are the ones that truly fit our bodies in every way and are not creating tension, even if it is a small tension.
Have you ever noticed that a pair of shoes can change a whole outfit. Here I refer to how it makes us feel, rather than the look. Flat shoes feel different to heels and I also find that the height and width of the heel also has an affect on how I feel and how I walk.
So beautifully said Adele ‘Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.’
We have all been very good and running ourselves down, and finding flaws, putting our attention on that takes us away from our amazingness, our beauty and grace.
As we grow stronger in loving our selves, our essence, who we truly are, these perceived flaws dissolve allowing us to express and emanate in full.
It is so interesting the pictures we all have of what beauty means and the lengths we will go too to fit into this.
I too had an issue with my feet .. and arms … and more. When I look back to my youth see how unappreciative and disregarding I was. Now, with more appreciation and love in my body than before, I can finally see myself in a true light and love myself for who I am.
Man-made ideals and beliefs are in every culture, religion, nationality and gender and are passed from generation to generation until we decide to call them out, let them go and re-claim out “innate grandness”. Your blog is deeply inspiring Adele, thank you.
I had not realised until reading this article or blog that I also grew up with the idea that beauty was linked with being softly spoken and not bringing attention to oneself. A great hidden belief to feel, observe and let go.
To move into greatness is consistently moving truly in connection.
Recently I have had the experience of expressing myself with someone in fullness, but this communication broke down after a short time. In observing myself, I then retreated into a pattern of not expressing from my fullness, but from reaction and hurt. And yet, the marker of what has been experienced with this person kept bringing me deeper to communicate and express, no matter how vulnerable it felt, because it was abusive to the body to stop going deeper. The realization came to me that with all the times in life when communication seemed difficult and even impossible, they were opportunities for me to keep going deeper with expression and to eventually live life free from protection and pictures.
My ingrained pattern of living small, and my disregard of self, led me as a ‘hippy’ some years ago to go barefoot for 4 years, summer and winter. Having gone through a complete change in attitude to myself and my lifestyle I now take much joy in buying my shoes and have a new found respect for my feet and their care, spending what I once would’ve thought a considerable amount of money to ensure the proper comfort and support my feet deserve, they have after all carried me through out my life, and continue to do so, with little complaint, even after the years of abuse and neglect I extended to them.
“for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” When we truly feel what is written here it becomes impossible to be so critical about ourselves.
Your blog is such a support in pointing out how we cap ourselves if we do not feel to wear what supports us, but choose to fit our self in an image. And this outer appearance is actually a reflection of how we feel on the inside. So we should stop and look at what is really going on with us that we choose to wear uncomfortable shoes and clothes. And as you say it is all about excepting our grandness in full.
This is huge what you share Adele, and is common for most women, ‘holding back has been normal and familiar for me in life—from the tone and manner in how I speak, the way I hold myself, the food I choose to eat and how much, the way I dress, how much money I allow myself to have, the way I move…. all reflect that a lack of self-worth is normal, if not expected of myself. This was the picture of how being a woman should be in my growing up.’ Why do we cap ourselves so much when we are innately grand, amazing and beautiful?, ‘for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’
Ah Adele, you could have been writing directly to me! I disliked my feet intensely when I was growing up. I resented the fact that I had them, that they were big and way out of proportion to my size, that they were bony and veiny, in fact they did not look like the soft, padded beauties I saw on other people feet so I either ignored them and wore ‘bover’ boots which were a very heavy worker type boot, or I squeezed them into pointy ended shoes which I felt made up for, what could only be, God’s mismatch! My feet complained loudly and I am finally starting to look at my feet as a part of my body I need to nurture in the fine detail as they support me to get everywhere I choose, want and need to go. They are an enormous support to me. Thank you Adele for inspiring me to appreciate this.
I can relate with holding back as a woman as I am sure many women can also relate with, great that you recognised this pattern and called it out, only then can we make more loving choices, ‘Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.’
Adele this is such a beautiful blog, and shows us how the tiny little things have an impact on what we bring to humanity each day. When we feel we don’t like a part of our body, it is like rejecting ourselves. Even if it is one part. Then it is like we are leaving behind each day a part of us not to be seen. Then people don’t get to see all of us.
“not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar.” This feels so accepted and expected of women, by women, in our society.
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.” I suspect that this is common for so many women in our society.
“all reflect that a lack of self-worth is normal, if not expected of myself. This was the picture of how being a woman should be in my growing up.” This prompts me to feel into what is expected as the norm in my family. Very exposing.
Deeply appreciating your sharing also here Adele, on how cultural attitudes can impinge upon us so greatly. The truth is, as women (and men also), we come in all sorts of sizes, shapes, our feet may be larger or smaller (simply compared to others…), our hair straight, curly or in between, the size of our breasts varies enormously, our hips, our legs, and the list goes on and on…
It’s really up to us – and the key you’ve brought home here in your blog – to ACCEPT all that we are and embrace it in full, or not. To not accept our bodies is the precursor for choices that self-abuse. How horrendously we’ve done this to ourselves since seeming time immemorial, and yet how simple it can be, to choose another way, and make it all about loving ourselves to the bone.
This blog should be in women’s fashion magazines Adele (as you will likely well know!). How horrendously we’ve punished our bodies as women through such choices as the shoes we were on our delicate and beautiful feet! I have done similarly at times in my life and today listen well to my feet when they say a categorical ‘no’.
The horrendousness Victoria is how we have made unawareness /disregard in the body so normal that caring for ourselves is judged as fussy and too much. We are never too much, we have only accepted ourselves in such a reduced state that glory becomes too bright when the truth in our natural state is we all sparkle and shine.
You are right Adele. “We are never too much”, and the standards we set as ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ are only as they are by our own determination. It is well time for a paradigm shift in regards to fashion and true self-care.
I remember wearing shoes that were too tight/ too high/ too narrow or uncomfortable in some way, shape or form – and it would always change the way I walked, the way I breathed, the way I felt, my levels of understanding and patience with others (with thoughts like ‘hello hurry up please because I am in so much pain standing here right now’). One choice to wear a pair of shoes that didn’t suit me, changed my whole day and every interaction within it. We can sometimes see talk of fashion as ‘fickle’, but far from it. The choice of what we wear is equally as important as what we eat, how we speak and the choice of whether we make life about love or not.
The choice of what we put on ourselves reveals a lot about how we think we can be in the world. I work in a shop that sells sneakers, and most customers look for generic styles that make sure they can blend in and not pop out or contrast, even though there are many styles which are quite colorful and are equally amazing too. If we identify ourselves with what what is external to us, the thought processes that go on before we can put on a piece of clothing or a pair of shoes feel complicated and exhausting, because ultimately whatever choice we make comes from a foundation that is not true. And yet, if we simply dressed from our heart, there is freedom, because we know the clothes will not change the quality that we are but we are free to express and express deeper.
A beautiful blog that says so much. Wow who could have realised that how we feel about our feet says so much about ourselves. I too have tried to fit into shoes that are a bit too tight always being in between sizes but the joy now espcially since reading your blog is appreciating my feet for what they are and loving myself simply as me in all I am and not holding back little by little is a very beautiful nurturing experience and way of being . And saying no too what does not fit or feel loving is very simple expansive and beautiful
‘for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’ this is so true.
I recently bought a couple of pairs of shoes. I took a few weeks to wear one of them because they were a bit shiny. They felt so comfy and amazing for work because they were smart and I felt complete wearing them, but I was still worried about what others would think of them/me – seriously no-one would care or notice they are not out there by any stretch of the imagination but I worried anyways – until I wore them the other day and just went, you know what, I love them regardless of not seeing them emulated by anyone else – they’re the opposite to what models wear in the usual photo shoots. I realised I didn’t need someone outside of me to say they liked them to make them ok. I love them and that’s way more than enough. It’s a beautiful freedom to live not needing others’ approval for a pair of shoes or anything else.
“There is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” I could actually feel the truth of this sentence expand in my body as I read it, thank you Adele for your beautiful sharing.
I can still catch myself putting up with discomfort, because it has been such an ingrained behaviour. Looking after my feet has signalled to me how I now am more accepting of myself these days. I have a monthly pedicure and take time over buying shoes to make sure they are absolutely comfortable. How we treat our body is a direct indication of how we feel about ourselves. This is a big issue we all need to tackle.
It Is incredible how often we judge a part of our physical body as being ugly instead of feeling its quality and appreciating and loving what we feel. When we do this the physical judgment fades into oblivion and what was once ugly suddenly looks and is beautiful.
Now I love my “big” feet, they offer me solidity in standing on the ground and steadiness in every step I take, what a gift.
Your blog exposes the comforts that can come with seeking familiarity, a known and familiar way of being. This is the ‘comfort zone’ many of us speak of, something we tend to avoid stepping out of. What I am realising is that true familiarity is not found in what we do per se but rather in the quality in which we do it.
Comfort zones that we wish to remain in frequently are causing discomfort to our bodies, but we have accepted that as comforting from the familiarity of what is not love.
I bought the best shoes the other day, they were pretty expensive and are quite eccentric, but they fitted like a glove even though they had pointy toes. I find it very rare to find super comfortable shoes that are super gorgeous and my taste so when I do, I do not mind paying a lot for them because I am worth it.
“I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.”
When we would discard anything which is not supportive we would be much more healthy as human beings. Actually this is medicine.
Its such a weird comment – I did not like being petite. Yet how common that we do not like ourselves just the way we are, looking to the outside to inform us of how we should be… and increasingly making changes (cosmetic or whatever) to fit an image of how we should be. Who is out there teaching us to simply love ourselves for who we are? That is where the gold is.
Apart from the physicality, what was felt was the ingrained pattern of living small. That was also what my reaction was to, before living the responsibility to simply be my true self.
This is great wait you present here Adele, that men hold images how we should be and in that, in this case shoes, to chose for shoes that do not fit, serve or support the body in all its beauty and expansiveness. Do we ever consider why we have those images of the perfect look and what they actually do to us. Living to an image puts us in a box, a predefined circumference that defines how much we are allowed to express ourselves and with that stops ourselves for living our live in fullness.
It seems that we are all very good focusing on our outer body and finding perceived flaws, all it takes is one part of our body we find fault with and our whole body stops emanating our true beauty. Capping one part of our body caps us from expressing a whole complete person that we are. When we truly love ourselves from deep within the flaws we perceive with our outer shell dissolve allowing us to express and emanate all of us.
What I find absolutely inspiring are the honest comments and sharing here of our lived relationship with ourselves, which at times there is none, and it is being honest and not hiding how we are or have been with ourselves and openly sharing ourselves with each other that feels real. This is the beginning of what is relationship.
How can we express all of ourselves when one part is held less. This is the evil of ideals, and beliefs, and why they sabotage our natural strength in full expression and connection to what we hold innately within. If we are not aware of that innate power of beauty within then what ideal are we running with?
Capping is painful. Living with a constant tension is not natural. Choosing reductionism as comfort and familiarity is self-abuse. Creation in the world is not we are here on earth for. Life is actually nothing we are told it is. And yet it is taking our every step re-discovering what living means that deepens purpose every day, and life has never been more amazing and this is only the beginning.
Who would have thought that our choice of shoes could reveal so much to us about our relationship with ourself and the world! But I can totally relate Adele and thank you for sharing all this; it’s made me more considerate of my choice of shoes and how I really feel in them!
I hadn’t realised until recently Adele, how damaging those pictures can be with the ideals they bring. When I read your comment..’our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have’, there is a huge difference in feeling of expression from there.
‘Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.’ This is so true for so many women, including myself, finding any number of ways to not be living our “innate grandness” all of the time. And the way we dress is one of the perfect ways to do it. Thankyou for writing about this subject, it is deeply inspiring.
An awesome point for consideration Adele, that when we cap one area of our body, it is actually affecting the whole of us as your example with shoes that are too small. I can feel how much I have settled in my life and chosen to continue wearing clothing that is too tight such as jeans, or bras that don’t properly fit, but how this has an impact on how I will feel throughout my day.
I love this blog Adele – and I fully connect to what you say here: “Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” This is something that needs to go out in the world so much more, what a difference it would make if we all start to live with this in our hearts.
This is an amazing realisation Adele – “… capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” I had not fully pondered on this so thank you for sharing this true truth,
No matter what we may look like, there is never any perfection. How can there be, because when we are not connected with ourselves there are billions of things we could choose to come up with about ourselves that justify why we are not beauty-full and amazing just in how we are.
Holding back as a woman can appear in the subtlest of ways but even so every time I hold back I hurt and abuse myself and therefore this is what I am giving out. Holding back, I and another don’t get to see all of me, the real me but a false version, a false reflection hiding the grandness and magnificent sparkle of who I truly am.
Very true Adele, no part of us ought to feel ‘capped’ by an item of clothing, shoes or anything else for that matter. Full expression of who we are is the only way forward, and that must be supported in everything we choose to wear and to have around us.
This is the conditioned way and old belief that women have bought into over many lifetimes and thus allowed abuse in many forms, from subtle to blatant. Until we can no longer accept the feeling this brings to our body, we remain unable to express from our fullness and we simply perpetuate this cycle for all women. It is so powerful to read of your choices to no longer accept abuse Adele.
“Consequently, not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore”.
It’s true – we can’t be held back by the size of our shoes or our clothes, after-all – we are perfectly designed to be who we are…
Wow Adele, this has been some awesome learning on what has been an old pattern of sabotage from not being all of who you are. I didn’t have shoes but I have had many other things like being to tall. This jumped out at me very strongly – “for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” – once we start to feel this and appreciate at this the man-made ideals simply start to fall way.
And to expand on this, good on you Adele for stepping out of this concept and making it about your inner worth and not your outer looks, which really is a good approach for all women world wide, no matter their race, skin color or shape.
It is interesting Adele, how this ideal of small feet in the Chinese culture still pervades modern society and has an impact on women’s lives just as yours. The more important it is that Chinese women speak up and bust the consciousness of these beauty ideals for good.
As a child/young teenager, my mother always bought me ‘sensible’ shoes. At that time there was not alot of choice for girls of my age, but as I grew up and my best friend got her first pair of ‘platforms’, I can remember thinking how cool she looked in them and how jealous I felt. When she got a second pair she would bring her old ones in for me to wear while i was at school, even though they were about 2 sizes 2 small for me. I thought I looked and felt as cool as she did, all because of an image that I had bought into about thinking people would like me more because of what I was wearing. I completely overrode what my feet were telling me, which was that these shoes hurt, in order to be included. As a consequence and also from wearing shoes that were too tight later in my life because ‘I liked them’ my feet are now telling me what a mistake this was. It is incredible what lengths we will go to to fit in to an image, ignoring the messages we are getting from our bodies.
Strange isn’t it that we can have issues with a part of our body, i.e. our feet, when we are old enough to compare with each other. What are we looking for, perfection? We know there is no such thing, but we jump through hoops trying to achieve it. I have issues with my teeth, but no-one cares about my teeth, it is only me that is conscious of them, and considering I can’t see my own teeth when I smile it make it rather ridiculous doesn’t it! All of our bodies make up the whole and our feet and teeth are a reflection of the way we live, so it makes sense to love the way we live, accept our differences, but most of all accept ourselves.
When we have increased our awareness we often need to look at many aspects of our life – shoes are a great example – and see what consequences our increased awareness has.
It is quite incredible what we will put our bodies through because of a judgment, ideal and or belief we have about ourselves, sometimes for years and years. But in the end our bodies will speak so loud we have to take notice and make changes… the question is why do we put our bodies through this disregard? What you present here Adele is a great example of how this happens and how we can make loving changes before our bodies bring us to a stop.
It often surprises me when I hear the judgments people have of themselves, and likewise I have been very surprised when others say my judgments of myself are just not true! What I find ironic is that the judgments I had of my body from a teenager – for example, wanting broader non-sloping shoulders and slimmer legs, have actually come to fruition as I have taken more loving care of myself and my body. I now have a body that I love, and that has come about not through pushing it to fit an ideal but in fact by dropping many ideals and beliefs and allowing more of who I naturally am to be.
Shoes, like our hair are so important to us aren’t they. Our crowning glory and our foundation with the earth. One of my pet hates is cheap shoes and seeing people walking with unsupportive soles and downtrodden heels. It breaks my heart to witness the level of self care… so the only thing I can do is to support myself with beautiful shoes and be an inspiration and walk tall in my glory 🙂
Adele it is amazing what we do to ourselves when growing up in our ideals and beliefs and how they can hold us back in our true expression. I also would buy smaller shoes because I did not want to stand out and though to be a beautiful women was to have small feet. Large feet to me represented to be different so wearing smaller shoes felt I could hide in them so I would not be noticed.
Adele thank you, for giving us a deeper understanding as women when we come from non acceptance how much it effects our bodies by our thoughts which hold us back in all that we truly are.
A true relationship with self is the acceptance the love that we are and allowing that love to expressed.
The ill ideals and beliefs of beauty are fed to us by others, pictures, magazines and the media. A baby or small child would not say they have big feet they would feel themselves to be whole and complete so this is what we should start to teach our younger generation now.
There are several idioms that use shoes as a metaphor for aspects of life e.g. ‘big shoes to step into’ as in succeeding a great person or task, basically using shoes as a picture for a way of living. So do you in regards to living life in contraction due to the images you try to comply with. That we know shoes to use as metaphor in this sense shows that we know the way we live with every step leaves behind an imprint in our body and the world that can be recognised for its quality. If that is so shouldn´t we be more aware of how we live each day, read the imprints well before or while they take form and be astute with choosing a quality that is truly beneficial for all of us?
These images of how we should be or what we should be doing absolutely prohibit flow of our true selves, and how beauty is perceived. True beauty comes from acceptance and from within, our connection to ourselves, warts and all.
The images or pictures we have from ourselves hold us back to enjoy and celebrate our true self – which is, by the way, amazing. If you do not believe me (what you should not 😉 ) – give it a try and find out.
I also used to think that my big feet were a curse as although I wasn’t so worried about the way they looked, I blamed them for the fact I wasn’t such a fast runner and that growing up was a bit of a curse especially when trying to get away from bullies or trying to make sports teams.
We are so confused about the idea of freedom. To me how you live now Adele feels like freedom. Prior to now you were trapped in this world of illusion where your feet were too big and you were too small, like a cartoon character. Not only were you trapped in this illusion but your feet were too, as you squeezed them into tiny shoe houses. Today it feels as though your body however it is is open, free and welcoming of love from everywhere. That’s pretty cool!
Crazy how fixated we become with often not one part of our bodies but several. Convinced that a part is not quite right and that we were created some what faulty, forever blaming the manufacturer.
We all buy into these images of what beauty is…. I grew up believing that you had to be tall to be beautiful. I had 2 older sisters, who were tall with great figures and very attractive, whereas I was small in comparision. I took me a long time to let that image go and now can feel how truly sweet and tender I am.
“Not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore”. The more we accept responsiblity for who we are and what we bring, the more our bodies are not able to accept any form of abuse or lack of expression and had an immediate impact if this is whats chosen. I too am learning this as I accept and apprecite myself more each day.
Once that theme of ‘not wanting to stand out’ gets into our heads it insidiously creeps into every nook and cranny – no stone left unturned. If only we chose to accept the opposite of this theme and which would have us joyfully radiating our natural light and beauty for all to see.
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.” I can certainly relate to holding this picture and although I have made significant changes, I still have a lot of culling to do. The big difference is that I am getting better at cutting the self-criticism which allows me to enjoy the process.
Dear Adele, the only difference in your story to mine is that my issue with the size of my feet did not surface until I was well into my teens and pointy-toe shoes came into fashion – but boy oh boy did it take a hold. Just like the first big issue I had around my body which was not liking my ‘skinny legs’. My girlfriend and I would be walking to school and whenever I would see a girl with skinny legs walking in front of us, I would ask my girlfriend “are my legs as skinny as hers?” and would run ahead to walk beside the girl in front so she could compare. The stupid thing is that I actually had beautiful legs – I just let a silly idea pop into my head, accepted it to be true, and then it took on a momentum of its own.
“all reflect that a lack of self-worth is normal, if not expected of myself. This was the picture of how being a woman should be in my growing up.” This was my experience also I still struggle to understand what being a woman in her power really is. It was never a part of my life experience, it has been so unfamiliar to me. It is so important to clock this shut down in children,as when it happens it can take a lifetime or many to clear it.
“There was a lot that I didn’t accept about my outward appearance.” This is a massive issue for so many growing up as there is still too much focus put on it in our society.
Expressing who we truly are, that grandness from within doesn’t require anything that we have labeled and perceived to be a ‘special’ movement. It’s about taking the time to be with every part of us and not setting for less such as tight toes or a waistband that is too tight or eating too much. When we place our feelings into categories we are dismissing the grandness of each part of us. Why wait until feeling sick from overeating when before eating there was a sense to not do so? What is it before we dismiss and reduce our bodies messages are we aware of? Reading this again really brought home the fact that when we make these choices we are not a victim of lack of self-worth, we choose to not value ourselves on a level we know we deserve because we then go do the opposite. By honouring that value we then get to share that ability to honour with another and that spreads out, eventually we all learn that we can live in the same way rather than separately as we currently have now even though this life is killing our bodies a part of us wants to live this way otherwise would we not have listened to our bodies sooner?
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.” Growing up I felt this holding back in almost all the women around me, so I also adopted this way of being…..such a sad state of affairs when women hold back the gloriousness of their being…..I and many women I know are now returning to the truth of who we are after years of contracting and are allowing ourselves to shine our light and love in the world….in time this will be the only way that will be.
Self-acceptance is a gateway back to appreciation, care and respect that, as a foundation, is in relationship with ourselves then naturally extends to our interactions with everyone else. This continues to be totally life changing for me.
It’s interesting that we can have an issue with just one part of our body and we go to town to hide it from the world. But the effect that this can have is quite profound, it can affect everything about who we are and how we are in the world. We can never fix our perceived imperfections. But if we approach the world with a strong connection to who we are first then what we may view as an imperfection passes, because we realise that the whole of who we are deserve equal care love and attention.
I love how this is such a great example of how we do self sabotage and don’t accept ourselves as the awesomeness we are. I am so glad you are now buying shoes that accept your feet and the glory of who you are walking on the earth.
“Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” What a powerful truth this is. It resonates with every particle of my body. Now to make movements that support me to live this power, every day.
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.” I have to admit this is also true of me. What would the world look like if I let go of this picture?
We put so much emphasis on how we look that we can forget or even not realise at all how other people see us. I saw a picture recently of a group of people and noticed a woman in the middle to them. I was struck by her presence and how confident, open, warm and gorgeous she looked. I put my glasses on to see her more clearly, and realised I was looking at myself….! I was honestly surprised at this reflection, partly because I can remember when the photo was taken, how I had felt as I was in my work clothes and would rather have had something more ‘stylish’ on, but also realised that I have an image of how I want others to see me, which is not the same as how I am when I am simply connected to who I am. It was a big eye opener and something that I have become very aware of since seeing the picture. Our clothes/hair/shoes/makeup are simply an outer expression of who we are – its how we choose to wear them that is important, and not what we wear.
Its so interesting how critical we are of ourselves.. focussing on the areas we don’t like in an obsessive way and unable to see the brightness in our eyes, the way we move, our demeanour, how we are when we light up with a smile or the warmth of our love. All these things are far more important to how we come across. Its that which everyone else sees, and not the spot on the end of my nose, or whether I’ve got blonde or brown hair.
Let’s be honest, we are experts in avoiding responsibility and being the truth of ourselves so that evolution can simply be on its way naturally.
Hello Adele, this is so true but not often do we bring awareness to it, “therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” The world loves to look at things is isolation and so it’s just a pair of shoes and it is just your feet. You only walk on them and they are at the bottom of your body, right? As you are saying the answer is no because your feet carry you everywhere, they walk how you feel and support you and so are super important. If we look at the whole picture, your body as one unit of expression then it’s all important and knowing as you say that if you ‘cap’ one, you cap all then it’s well worth taking care of the whole thing. This is a great approach to everything, in other words there are no ‘more important’ meetings or relationships then another because as we are saying do something in one, it affects them all.
Hello Ray, what feels successful or harmonious seen in isolation is never true, and choosing to believe then that we are all good is to choose to remain in the comfort of a lie, which our bodies can never lie about.
Observation is gold in life. Shoes which are usually comfortable sometimes can get uncomfortable at certain times, it is wise to observe in these moments where it is making us comfortable and feel deeper into what is causing this. When understanding why and choosing to change a certain body movement and mentality, that area is no longer uncomfortable.
Life will present to us opportunity after opportunity to see if we are willing to live the deep worth that we are. Not only in shoe choices, but in the people we meet, the relationships we are offered, the conversations we hold with everyone, everything affects everything else and every choice we make matters.
What I love about your blog Adele is that it shows there every choice matters. Every single thing we choose in a day has an impact on how much of our true selves we allow in expression. At first it may seem a strange concept that wearing shoes that do not allow enough space impacts the spaciousness of the body but when we start to understand how energy works and actually feel it form the body it makes total sense.
buying shoes that actually do not fit let alone are comfortable is a great reflection of how we are with ourselves in many aspects of life. By the choice of not knowing who we truly are we look outside to determine what to be and then impose these pictures onto our own body. it may seem ridiculous to some to buy shoes that are too small but in how many other area’s of our lives do we do the same?
.’…… there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’ The simple example of the shoes we can expand of a lot of other areas around us and often we detect how we made compromises to fit into the world and its ideals and beliefs instead of being truly us.
yes Kirstin, and the exposure of the way our society attempts to force rules on us that restrict our self expression often starts with what we wear. At the moment in the UK a woman brought to the notice of the public through the media the fact that she was not allowed to work in a corporate company’s office unless she wore high heels. When she protested they asked her to leave. However, as soon as this was exposed the company changed the rule. Her reply to them had been, “well the men don’t have to wear high heels” and that exposed of the way many men still view women in the work place, as well as gender inequality. The company wanted the women to look “elegant”. We can be elegant, or graceful whatever we are wearing, the elegance is from within and expressed through our movement.
I am reminded reading this of that horrible tradition in chinese culture that saw women bind their feet from a young age in a distorted perception of what was seen to be beautiful – another horrible chapter in the suppression of women.
I love this part Adele
‘delicateness is a quality within myself no matter how I looked on the outside’ This can be said for true beauty also.
Adele I love your sharing! You have expressed what I know I and many other women have experienced in our lives, keeping ourselves contained to fit into societies concept of what a woman should be, and it is so freeing to realize how in truth this is not the case, and that we are our own masters, responsible for making our own decisions and always have been!
‘The concept of delicateness to me then was one which was purely determined by outward appearances (but now I understand that delicateness is a quality within myself no matter how I looked on the outside)…’. As women we take on false images of what we should look like to fit in. It is so empowering to read blogs like this from women who are claiming their amazing beauty and uniqueness instead of trying to match some mythical ideal. This is a great reflection for our young women to see and experience.
It is interesting how as women we can reject the qualities that we have to such an extent that they become the familiar normal that we live by each day, and then to try and change this becomes a large journey of discarding all that we have taken on which was not true to who we are in the first place. It’s like putting on a load of wool jumpers in the summer only to have to take them all off again because the sun is so bright.
Quite often when I try shoes on, I am in between sizes. Not only are my feet long, they are also very slender, so when I put on a smaller size, I could feel my toes being pinched. When I put on a larger size, the soles would slip off when I walk. So to be truly comfortable it is a constant experiment to come up with ideas to not compromise myself. I love these explorations. The constant commitment to having fun and exploring what cannot be boxed in only this or that (our soul) is an every day occurrence.
I find shoes a funny one. I see beautiful shoes and when I wear them they hurt or restrict my walk so the ones I buy I don’t consider as sexy, interesting or beautiful. But then I do a lot of walking and what’s more sexy than walking with me, in harmony and gracing the earth with my presence? So my first consideration of shoes is, do they support me to walk as me? And if I’m not living up to a fashion shot ideal I may have conjured up then I need to come back to what is true beauty.
I can relate to how my shoes are fitting in regard to how I feel about myself and where I am at. I literally outgrow my shoes but not in the common sense because my feet are still growing but in the way that they do not support me anymore in my walking/daily life. So sometimes shoes have to go though they still look nice as they don’t feel ‘nice’ anymore.
It is really strange how obsessed we can be about a certain body part that doesn’t ‘behave’, doesn’t perform or look as it should and what lengths we are prepared to go to in order to fit in and conform.
‘there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’ So true and something we should all be brought up knowing.
Ideals of beauty permeate every culture. If we decided to do away with them, every woman would be free to be their natural, beautiful selves.
It’s amazing how much we take on in order to, as you say Adele, quite literally ‘fit in’. Whether it’s shoes, mannerisms, size, speech or looks, us women seem to do what it takes to be one of the crowd. Yet, we compare ourselves all the while. How curious is that? Logically, if we are all aiming to be the same, comparison shouldn’t be an issue.
I remember throwing out a very expensive pair of velvet and red soled shoes the money of which to purchase them was from an office team night out at a casino about 15 years ago. I won all this cash in about 30mins, and left the place with my winnings as i didn’t like to gamble generally, but just went along as team night out. The next week i bought these ‘casino’ shoes. Though whenever i wore them, i felt odd, as if not quite right even though the shoes were beautiful and fitted well… it felt as if i was wearing the gambling night every time i wore them….Interesting how the energy of something affects us, to how we walk in life – symbolically and literally too.
Our image of beauty blinds us to the infinite depth of beauty before us, within us and around us.
We have so much to answer for in the myriad of ideals and beliefs we have accepted and perpetuated about ourselves as women… the size of feet being one. I recall growing up with a friend who so badly wanted to be a prima ballerina, despite what was clearly a bone structure and height that already discounted the possibility. With large feet, she also used to squeeze them into shoes that were too small, and still does to this day, attempting to mould herself to something she imagines to be ideal. It is so true what you say, that there is no greater beauty than to accept our own greatness (from within).
“Self Sabotaging Shopping,” is something I have definitely done at times wether it be an item that feels slightly to tight, or it’s too expensive or it doesn’t quite fit my body shape but it will do. These little sabotaging ways can really cap our true way of being and so now when I am out shopping I see that I am worth the money and I deserve what feels perfectly right for me and my body. It really does feel lovely to allow ourselves the space to be all of who we are and the majesty that encapsulates us as women living in our full expression.
Our bodies put up with a great deal of discomfort all in the name of ideals and beliefs, which are choices we would not naturally choose if we were truly connected to ourselves and our bodies.
Very inspiring Adele…”Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves.” Culture, nationality and religion will always have a flaw because it divides humanity by separating into cultures, nationalities or religions… however our innate truth and wisdom within, based on love, will only ever unite humanity.
Beautifully said Adele… “…our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” Our worth comes from deep within us, not from anything we do, or anothers ideal or belief we take on.
I love this very powerful point that you have made here Adele. . . .” . . there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” Hear, hear, well said!
How must our poor bodies feel when they are hurt year after year by our decision to not accept the way that we look ? Squashing them into shoes that are too small, squashing them into jeans that are too small, wearing shoes that are way too high, bras that are too tight, undies that such our guts in, oh we treat our bodies so badly and these examples are only a few to do with clothing, I have not mentioned what we put inside them. Our darling bodies which are the wisest most beautiful soul mates that we can ever have and yet we treat them like absolute dirt.
Self-acceptance revealed as a foundation stone for all our choices, decisions and responses to life. A simple commitment.
I love coming back to this blog Adele, it is just so full of little gems sprinkled throughout. And also feels great to give that part of our bodies, our feet, that we so easily neglect and ill-treat by the ill-fitting shoes we wear, some much needed attention and focus, as they take us everywhere. Time to appreciate all our feet do for us!
“At that point, I realised I had been living entrenched under the mercy of how the world thought of me, and I chose to stop.” I love that Adele as it is much better if we chose to make the world around us so that it fits to us rather than to try to fit in.
I can relate to this Adele. There have been many times in my life that I have squeezed my feet into shoes that were a bit too small, a bit too high, or a bit too uncomfortable and all for the sake of wanting to ‘look’ good. My feet are now telling me very loudly that they do not want to be ‘squashed’ anymore, and I can no longer ignore what they tell me. I had a shoe clearing not so long ago, and it felt amazing.
I had that shoe clearing too Sandra, as my feet are speaking loudly to me too and they also do not want to be squashed anymore after spending lifetime of wearing ill fitting shoes just because they looked good!
Love this awareness Adele ‘So one day when I put on a ‘favourite’ pair of shoes, I stopped to truly feel. Although these shoes did not hurt, they were quite pointy and the tip of my feet felt capped and therefore the whole of my body did not feel fully spacious. My feet, just like any part of my body deserve to be truly expressed, therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.’
Well said Adele, ‘there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are’. We are not designed to be perfect and so there is no point trying to be as it is exhausting and sets us up to fail. All we have to do is express all that we are and the rest takes care of itself.
I used to equate the word delicateness with weakness and be dismissive of this quality. Since receiving sessions with some awesome Universal Medicine trained practitioners and attending presentations by Serge Benhayon I have come to realise and feel for myself the true beauty and power in being delicate. I know that I shall continue to embrace this quality in myself and fully appreciate the Joy that it brings.
I used to be embarrassed about the size of my feet and would also buy shoes that were too small to try and conceal this fact. Nowadays when I shop for shoes it is in honour of my feet and the way they walk me through life, I buy shoes now that truly support me and allow me to be who I truly am.
Awesome Adele, im a due a shoe clear out soon and your blog is just what I needed to read, why settle for anything less when we are glorious.
I know for me in the past my self-loathing was me I lived and breathed self-loathing in my every movement I made and every thought I had it crushed me to the core. Since learning to love myself to re-connect with my true self I feel present in my body I feel like a dark cloud has lifted of me freeing my to emanate my inner self the light of my soul. I feel this in my every move, every thought and the way I speak.
Reading this inspired me to re-evalute some shoes that I’d bought that were a bit tight – I’ve realised that they just aren’t supportive to wear no matter how much I like the look of them!
We learn to fit into life (i.e. clothes, shoes, a job, any role) instead of making life fit us in any regard.
Wise words Esther….I recognise how this old habit of ‘fitting in’ still affects me! It is really time to cut this old pattern once and for all.
It is insane how much we can keep ourselves busy with things we do not like about ourselves and it is really insidious as it constantly wears us down. To cherish ourselves and accept us the way we are is something very much needed to be practiced and honoured from little onwards.
I used to be a ‘slave’ to fashion, but now I only wear fashion in a way that serves me.
To whatever lengths one may go, whether it be make-up, the latest fashion, surgery, etc., “there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.”
There are a lot of gems in these words but the ones that stand out the most today – if any part of the body does not feel spacious then the whole is affected, It’s not our bodies that are the ‘issue’ but the quality of relationship we bring to the body. Are we basing how we should be on a picture or on what feels true and real? This occurred yesterday as I noticed the stress that overcame the body when I wanted it to be a certain way (strong enough to preform a certain job or task without prior preparation) our expectations make the body crumple as it is not being asked how it feels to be, rather it is being imposed and forced to fit into a picture that may not match the reality of how it feels to be. We can feel this from others but we do it to ourselves firstly. Thank you Adele.
“There is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are” this is what should be splashed on billboards around the globe. Taught to us in schools, not just for young girls but also for young boys. We are just missing the mark with how we foster, encourage and keep the connection we innately hold within us all. There is much more to feel and behold here.
‘for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’ – absolutely, Adele, to truly honour all that we are is the most beauty-full gift we can give ourselves and everyone else.
“… our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” What a freedom it is to truly re-connect and feel this within, to be able to stand back from all the ideals and realise who we truly are. There is nothing on this earth that is greater than our divinely gorgeous essence. Re-connecting to our innate worth within is the only worthwhile pursuit in this world.
For some the idea that shoes or clothes could express more than fashion or personal style will be a revelation, that they could be a marker for our expression of who we are and the level of care we have for ourselves, such as how scuffed and dirty we allow our boots to get, or how well they fit us or how long we continue to wear them when they are falling apart.
We place a limit on our worth in a million tiny ways. We cram ourselves into the wrong shoes, wrong clothes – dressing to some ideal that looks really rather strange when viewed from the perspective of love. Love does not measure foot size with a ruler. It does however note the pain and squashing when we compromise our body in any way to match something that was made up in the minds of men and women, and labelled “beauty”.
Adele following expression is gold: ” . . . capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” It would be great if our children would be growing up with this powerful insight – imagine how our world would look like.
Our choice of shoes say a lot about the way we are choosing to walk.
It’s interesting what we put ourselves through because we do not like a part of our body.
Adele yet another strikingly strong article. The ‘making ourselves less’ that you so aptly describe is a way of being that women world wide have adopted. It is in our movements, it is in our speech, it is in our thoughts, it is in our choices, it is in our relationships with ourselves and it is in our relationships with others. It is in our out breath and our in breath. It has to stop for us to re claim our natural way as women. The truth is we are powerful beyond measure.
Great way to put it – “self-sabotaging shopping” to prove to ourselves that we are not worth it and don’t deserve truer and better. I can feel how amazing it is to have liberated yourself from the diktat of fashion and beauty ideals and appreciate the inspiration you bring.
I agree with you wholeheartedly Adele our sense of self and worth is infinitely more precious than any ideal or belief. What you express is so beautiful, divine and inspirational;
“I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are”.
The images we hold onto about ourselves can be so damaging. This allows and opens the gateway for comparison, judgement and emotions to overflow. When we align to that, only complication ensues. When we choose otherwise, to connect with ourselves, deeply feel who we truly are, this allows us to see and feel the same in all others.
There is no greater beauty than to accept our greatness and ther eis so much greatness to see in ourselves and those around us. Why would we and why do we choose to be less than who we truly are.
Ouch!!! I remember trying to squeeze into neat pointy toed shoes and then falling off my platform shoes all in the name of fashion. Not any more and thank you Adele for such a wonderful, honest blog. How unloving is that to squash our amazing feet that support our body – our foundation to support us walking forward literally in life!
Our shoes do say so much about us, and I have always noticed other peoples shoes and been very conscious of what I put onto my own feet. As a child I remember my father sitting on the floor in the kitchen leaning against the stove with all our shoes lined up in a row, and he would polish them all, every single night. I wasn’t allowed to wear anything other than ‘sensible shoes’ and had one pair for school and another for when I went to parties – that was pretty much it. I became fixated about shoes and what they represented and as I got older would often wear shoes that were ill fitting and not always appropriate for where I was going, simply because of wanting to ‘look’ good. We do tend to put so much emphasis on how we look outwardly at the expense of our bodies, instead of truly honouring ourselves and appreciating that the delicate and tender natrue of who we are is already there waiting to shine out if we only care to acknowledge its existence.
“The concept of delicateness to me then was one which was purely determined by outward appearances.” I have for so long been ruled by this belief and that as a consequence, I could never be delicate because I felt so hardened and hurt by life. However with the grace of Serge Benhayon and Natalie Benhayon today I know this is a lie. Our real beauty lies within us, a graceful tenderness that imbues our movements and our expression, a quality that resides with in every woman and man, it just requires one person to reflect this back to us to empower us to claim it for ourselves and restore true beauty in our lives once more.
I remember as a child I had a thing about shoes. I was really stubborn and would have to choose my own shoes otherwise I would not wear them, so my mother bought what I wanted. Needless to say, I choose the most fashionable shoes which of course were the least supportive for my feet as a growing child. This habit of buying the most fashionable shoes continued into adulthood and as a consequence my feet have suffered as I also squashed my feet into ill-fiting shoes……Being aware of how I ill treated my feet, I now give my feet a lot of attention through massaging them daily with cream and now buy shoes that give my feet a lot more space which my feet truly appreciate.
So many will identify with what you present here Adele, especially the holding back and how familiar a habit that it becomes the default program. Everyone else holds back too and this becomes the reflection, and round and round we go not capable of expressing in our fullness, and having no clue we are caught in this cycle. I learned how important expressing ourselves truly is and how my voice truly counts, and was greatly supported to break this old pattern when I started attending the workshops of Serge Behayon and Universal Medicine. Thank you Adele, for another super delightful blog.
It is amazing how much we are prepared to put ourselves through discomfort or pain to either ‘fit in’ or ‘look cool’. I remember doing that and what I love Adele is how shoe by shoe they have made their way to the bin. With your level of Self-Love being the marker. The more we start to really nurture and love ourselves the more we start to see how we have been living and accepting as being ok really isn’t any more.
As we refine how we live, releasing old patterns of behaviour becomes a simpler task of letting go, as we are more open to the changes we know we need to make in order to support our sensitivity.
Thank you Adele for the awesome support you provide to understanding that we cannot hold back our natural expression, not even in the tiniest detail.
We could take your great understanding of how you abused yourself with not wearing the right shoes as an analogy for many expressions in our day which we squeeze into an ideal of how we are supposed to look or be: if none of it reflects our awesomeness and essence, then the expression feels as pinched and painful as the toes.
I can feel the tension between living with the familiarity of being less yet knowing I am great. I feel like I’m shedding this outer skin of abuse but still holding on to pockets of it as it is familiar and provides a comfort – however, the tension of knowing I am great but not living that is enormous. And I am making efforts daily to support myself to live naturally from my glory and essence. I had no idea I could make it so difficult when it should be the easiest thing in the world!
“… accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore.” Such a great line Adele and great article. Women are ‘sold’ the idea to feel less but at the same time, we choose to align with this ideal. Saying no to the norm’, standing out in all our greatness and glory is simply part of our responsibility.
I have a beautiful pair of red shoes. I’ve had them for nearly a year and it took me at least 8 months before I wore them, and that was only after a friend saw them and asked me why on Earth was I not wearing them. I also have some new red lipstick which I sometimes wear ever so faintly. Both these examples show a level of holding back. Why am I not comfortable to walk out of the house and strut my stuff in red shoes and red lipstick (together let alone individually)? Expressing myself in the fullness of the woman I am is something that I have been happy to do until a point, yet I’m realising I’ve reached a point where I think it is too much. I’ve slowly been working my way past that point but again, it has been slow and cautious (aka holding back!).
The detail in being aware that your toes felt slightly capped is beautiful. The other day I wore an expensive dress, which to my eye I really love. However when I wear it, it is itchy on my skin. The entire day I was slightly uncomfortable and therefore not able to express me in my fullness as my fullness was focussed on rearranging my dress and scratching my neckline! Your blog has really highlighted this. Not only was my entire day affected and I was a bit off, all those I met were not blessed with the grandness of me when I’m wearing a comfortable dress.
I recognise this Nikkimckee, choosing what looks good on the outside over ignoring if it is really comfortable and supports me throughout the day. It has taken me a long time to reverse this old habit, but slowly and surely I am choosing what is comfortable on my body, and thus is so much more supportive during my busy day, especially wearing comfortable shoes that fit.
Hello Adele and it’s great to go shopping with you on this blog. What we may see as ‘normal’ or how it’s always been is always worth exploring or questioning each time we see it. As you are saying here there was a history to your ‘small’ shopping habits and often we isolate this to being just about feet or shoes but as you are also saying, “therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” We could take this further and further, needless to say that everything is connected and no one thing can be done or seen in isolation, you could apply this to any relationship.
Adele, I hoped that my shoes would magically stretch too, but of course they never did, instead I ended up with sore feet and lumps on the back of my heels for years. It wasn’t until I chose to buy shoes that fit me properly that the lumps on my back of my heels gradually disappeared and I realised then how much I had disregarded myself with ill-fitting shoes, all because I felt my feet were too big too. I also thought that to be delicate you had to be small, but now I know that this is not true, being delicate is a quality and in essence we are all delicate, and it doesn’t matter what size or shape you are… ‘for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are’, beautiful.
“there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” I love how you take this to the tiniest detail Adele and feeling even in your toes where your expression is being ‘squashed’. For it makes sense; how can we be our fullness when there is a part of us we are holding back.
“I realised I had been living entrenched under the mercy of how the world thought of me, and I chose to stop.” Adele, that’s great that you are choosing to not give power to the images that are held up for us to fit into. Why should we fit the picture? Why can’t we be a unique one-off expression of our essence? As you say “delicateness is a quality within myself” and our beauty comes from within unframed by any ideal or belief and “our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” Thanks Adele for these pearls of wisdom.
Adele, thank you for your blog, it is a great demonstration of how we as women hold ourselves back in many different ways, and buying shoes too small – ouch! – is such a great symbol of that, for you would be not feel free to walk forward joyously. It’s true that “capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.”
It is quite extraordinary just how much we can focus on one part of our body not feeling right and make that our excuse as to why we are not beautiful or delicate or divine. It has taken me years and years to come to terms with every part of my body and to connect to, own and embrace my inner fragility as the strength it is. We are immensely graceful beings, being shown how to make the connection to our fragility and live in honour of it is vitally important and there is no better educator in the field than Serge Benhayon. Thank you Adele for your exquisitely graceful presence that inspires us to love ourselves more and more.
Adele – it makes so much sense to read this and see how doing something such as buying a pair of shoes too small is to hold back. I can really see how this stunts us, how by having the ideal that women should have small feet can very subtly get in the way and make us do something that is not honouring of ourselves,therefore suffering just because we do not fit into a ‘box’ – This goes for anything really, and how willing we are to suffer or be uncomfortable to fit into a mould. But your letting go of shoes, your acceptance of yourself is glorious to read and to see how it is possible to drop the ideas of culture that can so heavily bind and influence us, and come back to honouring us for who we are. My mother always said to me that we have been given the body we have to learn from it – so it isn;t about trying to change things we don’t like but to truly accept and appreciate each part of us so that we get the gift of learning through our bodies.
It is powerful to expose that we have allowed lack of self-worth to be the norm. If we break out of this paradigm and start celebrating ourselves and each other, the next generations may not grow up accepting less for themselves.
“. . . there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” Wow Adele that sentences alone said it all to me – it is really time to live like this in every second of our lives.
‘Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.’ This is such a great sentence. Sometimes those old patterns of self sabotage can seem so strong and almost overpowering in their ways that I can feel I am fighting quite a battle with them. To live from our innate greatness puts everything into perspective and those ill patterns that seem at times to have the upper hand are exposed and then fall away.
Recently I have been pondering just how ingrained the belief is in me that I am not enough as I am. Even to this day as a grown man I am still afraid of just being me and letting go of the protective habits, roles, lifestyle and behaviours that I have built up around me to fit in and please the world and to avoid its criticism and disapproval. The ideals and beliefs in life are so insidious and pollutes us from very young that it can seem difficult to overcome them. But it is very possible by simply re-connecting to our inner essence, the true part of us that may have been buried but has never disappeared completely.
Self-Sabotaging Shopping – what a great term! And something I am familiar with. Shopping for clothes or food or household items can be a very supportive experience but it all depends on how we are feeling when we are doing it. We need to clock the messages that we are bombarded with from every angle in the shops as well to be a certain way, or have a certain look or item. Messages that constantly say – you are not enough.
Thank you Adele for highlighting just how hung up we can get on outward physical appearances. Delicateness has a much deeper meaning for me than outward physical features. I have met giant men who can move in a very delicate way and have also met small featured women who are not delicate in their movements or posture. Delicateness is a way of being or movement or flow not a physical attribute.
What you share here Adele, touched my heart, that you tried to be like the others and wished your feet were smaller, tried to make them smaller by wearing shoes which are too small. I have the feeling a lot of people do this concsiously or not. You can see it in the fashion brands, everybody wears jeans, when jeans are in etc. There is the question , do we really honour how we feel with our clothes or do we only tick boxes and put on what everybody else puts on be it suiting us or comfortable for us or not.
Wow Adele, being an image director and fashion stylist, it would be so easy to justify wearing something a little ‘capping’ as you say due to work requirements or something of the kind. Good on you for placing yourself first.
Holding back to either fit in or be on the outer, these are both so similar in the way we have a picture of what we think should be. They just play out a little differently.
‘…capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.’ This is such a powerful observation Adele. Every part of our body is equally as important as the rest. As is every part of our lives. We are a full expression of the all.
Indeed Kathryn. I love the simplicity of this blog in that we truly get to feel how one part plays an equal part to our all. Without it our expression is not in full. Beautiful.
Wow Adele. I loved reading your delightful open and honest story and the many insights you have shared. Then I came to the last paragraph and the power of it lliterally stopped me. “Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” Thank you.
This refining of what was normal to what has now become an abuse is super cool. It shows us that this a level of self-worth and self-love that you have accepted as your normal. I have gone through phases similar to this inspires by Serge Benhayon and what is so beautiful is that it is a forever expanding process. One day what was self-loving and normal the following day with the support of the way we have lived the previous day and living All of who we are we can find that this is no longer the level of Love we are prepared to have as our normal. We realise that there is the next level of Love that we are worth. This is a forever cycle of expanding, refining and honouring and one that I am just starting to get to see the depth of what is truly possible.
I can relate to thinking I needed to be smaller but in this I actually did the opposite and created a bigger body to keep people out. I then loathed my body as it had become a fortress. I thought that was me, though the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have come to see that I am more than this and my fortress has started to shift.
There is a stereotype of beauty that is imposed on humans that if we just tweak this, adjust that, cover this, wear that then we can go out and face the world. These messages are so debilitating. We are so much more in our essence than measuring our external features. Something I ponder is: we are born with exactly what it is we require this life-time, there is a divine-reason for this no to be judged as a design-fault. If we choose to embrace the divine-reason we have an entirely different life discovering what it is our own uniqueness has to offer the world. This is a priceless gift to humanity and one to celebrate and live fully.
Great blog and if the shoe fits, we can certainly gain much from what is offered.
How often we deny aspects of ourselves to fit a picture and live up to an expectation of another and as you present, such an approach robs us of our very essence and robs the world of gaining the full us.
We have so many ideas and pictures in this world around what beauty is – and yet when I look at nature, there is nothing in it that is not beautiful, and yet everything is so totally different – we do not see leaves trying to be flowers, or mountains wanting to look like clouds – and we can appreciate the beauty all around us in nature, but not in ourselves and in each other. As you have shared, lack of self worth has become a normal expected behaviour for people, like accepting your self as being beautiful is somehow an arrogant thing to do.
“My feet, just like any part of my body deserve to be truly expressed, therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” Yes so true Adele we walk everywhere with our feet so we can easily be complacent about being aware of them, yet they are a part of the whole of our body. I am learning we can’t favour one part of our body in favour of another, without there being consequences to our wellbeing. The body works as a whole and not in parts even though we may like to think so sometimes.
I can so relate to this Adele in so many ways! I’ve spent much of my life in uncomfortable shoes and can see how accepting this level of abuse and not accepting and honouring me exactly how I am shows a pattern in how I treat myself in life. Thank you for sharing this – now I’m feeling inspired to start sifting through the wardrobe and ditching all those shoes that don’t quite fit 🙂
How easily we fall into the trap of making choices for ourselves by what we consider to be the way the rest of the world thinks we should look. When did the fashion of small feet being beautiful arise? Who created it from their personal preference? What is this desire in us to conform to what is “all the rage”? Is it because someone becomes a celebrity and then everyone copies them? But the biggest question of all is why do we feel we don’t want to stand out? You make it so clear Adele, that it is a choice to claim our greatness, live it in the body and especially the part that we have been denying. The Hobbits were proud of their hairy feet, the more hair the better, and I wonder if one if them had had bald feet he or she would have been accepted in the same way ? Acceptance of ourselves, just how we are, and the beauty of each individual woman and man,.is the key to living fully in every part of ourselves.
Adele I can relate to shoes being an issue for me too. My feet are quite large for my small size also and I have trouble finding shoes that are comfortable on the left foot. Sometimes I rush getting shoes to my detriment ! I am learning that it doesn’t matter if I take a while to choose because I am aware of the many ill fitting ( too loose, hurts my toe on left foot etc) shoes I have bought and some quite expensive. I realise just how I am dishonouring my body when I accept and wear ill fitting shoes. My body deserves comfortable shoes to wear and loving patience with its imperfections.
“Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” There is no greater settlement than connection with our inner worth.
There is no greater settlement than connection with our inner worth. Absolutely lucindag, and the more you connect to your inner essence, you feel more and more how it is your absolutel responsibility to bring that essence out and be it/live it, for everyone as this is what we are here to bring.
We touch the ground with our feet. They are our statement of presence on this earth. And so with divine presence we can say yes I am here, or with self-rejection of all that we are we can contract our feet and pull away from being a part of life – which shows in how we walk, and subsequently in the health of our feet including the bones, skin and nails.
Adele this is an amazing sharing of our shoes, our feet and how we try to literally fit into life as it currently is . When all along we know this does not feel right and can feel and know the joy of returning to and honouring who we really are for ourselves as expansive and certainly not compromising and compressing ourselves or our feet. A very playful analogy and so true. Thank you
What you have shared Adele about your feet and shoes is a powerful symbol of how there is a general non acceptance of who we are as we are. Where we want to be something else, yet within us is something that the world can never give and that is our quality, our essence and as we accept ourselves we allow this essence to awaken and then we can feel the beauty of who we are, then as we step into our shoes in that quality – whoola, we walk in our beautiful shoes enhance by our beauty, not us enhance by our shoes!
Well said, Karoline – “within us is something that the world can never give and that is our quality”. No shoes, clothes, careers, partners etc can ever bring out our essence. Only we can, and it is our loving responsibility to share it with the world.
I did very much the same, i used to wear shoes as a teenager that were too small as i saw my self with big feet…but i was so crazy as my feet where never too big…it is an idea i developed and so overtime i looked at my feet that is what i saw…ideal’s stop us from seeing the truth. The truth being that my body is designed in a way that supports me to express me!
There is a playfulness in this blog yet it is showing how very important of what is being shared, and symbolic in all the ways we stop ourselves, accept ourselves in who we are and we try to make ourselves fit an image or picture of how we want to be.
This statement ‘for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’ is powerfully beautiful and liberating. Thank you Adele
Adele, what struck me today reading is how we imprison ourselves, as you noted you were ‘continuously finding ways to literally “fit in” to what was my accepted ideal of myself’, and you are not alone in this, I and many other women have been right up there with you in this. And yes these ideals we hold of ourselves are influenced and often suggested by the culture around us, and we choose to take them on – we are susceptible to these ideas when we decide to ignore what we feel and make out there more important, and once that occurs we shut ourselves down so as to not feel what our bodies tell us. Yet our bodies never give up on us and continually talk to us and let us know that our ideals are hurting us, and as you did, eventually many begin to listen and so begins the path back to honouring our bodies and the wisdom they hold and know innately.
I loved your expression here monicag2, you have shared exactly what we do and confirm our bodies as IT, holding deep inner wisdom and strength through the grace and stillness. We all have it all inside, and never do we need to seek any further.
I agree absolutely Monica, i have also been struck by my association to the word “worth” for it has always had a value on it, a limit, yet what i can feel from Adele’s blog is that the worth that comes from returning to what we innately know is unbounded, entirely limitless.
I love this monicag2 – aren’t our bodies amazing in the way that they never stop communicating with us? We can go into not liking our bodies, wishing it to be different and totally holding it to ransom to deliver a certain look, when in fact it’s already amazing just the way it is.
I was thinking just this morning how much I love shoes – how they can be the thing that finishes and makes or breaks and outfit, but also something or than just a fashion statement, they are a reflection of how you can care of yourself – wearing supportive shoes when your on your feet all day, do they have dirt and scuff marks all over them, do they fit? These small little things can give us a marker of how we honour ourselves or not.
This is true Rebecca, as often I have observed that people can be dressed immaculately but sometimes the shoes are a give away as they look uncared for and a bit scuffed.
As we wear our shoes everyday it is a loving gesture to look after them, their quality and fitting to our foot.
“There is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” Such a great learning and inspiration Adele. It’s true how much ideals about a woman should be we accept as a normal. In my teenage years I felt fear because the opinion from others about me so I holded back my expression, I covered my body with baggy clothes to be unnoticed and years later I dressed up following the trends and pictures about a beautiful woman should be. Everything was a trying to fit in, a trying to getting the recognition or sometimes a trying to scape from the world. I didn’t want to be me, I felt so horrible in my body and I judged myself so much because I didn’t feel never enough. But when I started to read about Universal Medicine and attended the Esoteric Healing courses everything changed. I could start to accept myself as a perfect human being. What a gift have been this to my life. I can’t express here my grattitude because is so big. So now there is no one place, ideal, or picture where I can fit in because I’m the one, unique and beautiful in my own expression.
Thank you, Adele. I was very tall from a young age and was very self conscious about it in the beginning, but thankfully I did not shrink from my big presence in the world and stoop like many do. Embracing my height is and has been a constant opportunity for me to embrace myself and not hold back from all that I am.
As I read this again I am struck by how little most of us accept ourselves as we are. Comparison is the name of the game and we create all kinds of false ideals and beliefs of shoulds and should nots. As Adele shares, we literally contort ourselves into something we are not as we try to be accepted by others. When we start to appreciate who we are comparing ourselves to others reduces and suddenly life becomes a whole different ball game.
We can only abuse ourselves when we hold back on who we truly are, as in fact the act of holding back is already abusive in the first place.
Yes Nico, and I am only just beginning to realise the extent of which we hold back, and in holding back our love and the grandness of who we truly are, we are not only playing into the hands of evil, we are delaying the whole of humanity from evolving and what a huge responsibility THAT is. But rather than be hard on ourselves, it is with gentle words and a commitment to self to take one choice at a time which lead to little steps along the pathway back to the full expression of who we truly are.
(Evil being anything that is not love = abuse)
Well said Sandra, for holding back is not only affecting ourselves but indeed we delay whole of humanity in their evolution back to soul. We have to become aware of the fact that with holding ourselves back we are playing in the hands to of evil, as the only true task we have here on earth is to adhere to the divine and return to the love we origin from. But it is because we have given free will, we have irresponsibly chosen for the world of creation, the evil, instead.
There are so many ways in which we can choose to abuse ourselves from the food we eat, the friends we keep, the hours we work or play, the list is endless. Unless we have some kind of connection to our body these choices we make seem normal, commonplace particularly as we have no connection to who we truly are. It is only as we begin to take down the scaffolding around us that we see what is truly beneath and reveal the true us.
Yes Jenny, then we discover that we are precious and delicate beings and all equally the same in that we all are Sons of God, belonging to the same family and in truth do not need anything to distinct or distract us from one another and to express ourselves in a false way from who we truly are. We are perfect in all our physical imperfections, as that is who we are and how we will return to Soul, our path back to where we belong to, each and everyone of us.
Hmm makes me also think of when as young/ toddler girls we try on our mother’s high heel shoes …and given Adele’s example here, what then is this young toddler girl actually trying on and dressing up, getting familiar with herself?
Additionally, it also shows that people have to come to this understanding (of ‘abuse’) for themselves, to be open to it, to see it, and feel it in the body, to be able to then say no to it. Because another’s suggestion (like the one i happened to share), is just exactly this – a suggestion.
And your second line Adele: ” Consequently, not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore” – only the other week i got to understand and observe from another woman of a choice she made that could seem surreal and yet to her was normal or ok. There were 2 choices she could have made – i happened to suggest one high-end/quality choice, and another choice was available. It was a was no brainer, and also to her too. Although (!) she chose the latter — and the next day came back to tell me her huge (and expensive) disappointment in choosing the ‘other choice’ and how she’d wasted all her money on it and the service she received was poor and unacceptable… It revealed to me a pattern that: ‘abuse accepts (further) abuse’ – because of this familiarity aspect you share Adele, and also that unless we start to feel what is abuse then it will continue as our default normal.
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.”- Yes, I too have been holding back as a woman for far too long in my expression- quieter tone of voice; the way I dress- playing it down, hiding; the way I move- making sure I don’t get attention -wanting to be invisible; buying things for others before myself; preparing food that others will eat before feeling what is it that I need to prepare for myself first; speaking only when asked or spoken to, believing I have nothing to contribute so I remain silent etc …But it hurts too much to hold back and it is exhausting! So thanks Adele for an opportunity to express and reimprint how I have been living.
lorettarapp, we must be twins! Either that, or out of the same pod… 🙂
Everything you share about holding back as a woman has been totally true for me, I say has been, because finally I got the message thanks to Natalie and Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and the sacred movement. Being a true woman is not something that will magically come to us in the future, it is something that we can claim right now which every choice we make, because we are already divine, sacred and awesome and for me, having glimpses of my power at the times when I have felt my essence, it inspires me further along the path of return. And yes, I can start with my shoes, the way I dress and do my hair, the way I make my bed, the way I drive my car, the food choices I make and the way use the keyboard, every little (or not so little) act throughout the day all builds a solid foundation of love to work upon.
The ideal surrounding women not speaking their minds, being stay-at-home mums and pretty but not smart which was extremely prevalent in the mid to late 20th Century still has very real effects today. Women are still somewhat categorised into being ‘better’ at those roles, and the intense sexualisation and expectations put on women today is just another way of stripping women of a voice. If we succumb to this and contract, then this expectation/image will continue for many more years to come – the media don’t seem to want to change, but we have the choice to show a different way, as Adele has in her blog.
Insightful and provoking post Adele, in that the purchases we make (your tight shoes to tighten your expression and hold back from this be walked) reveal so much about us, our behaviour and what our body is communicating. This line stood out to me “Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman” – when i reflect on this i too can see how it’s been the same for me (and i suspect the majority of women), this holding back is so ingrained in every my aspect of life when i think about it, like going on dates, menu choices, (not) spending money on a taxi when i need it, and choosing a cheaper alternative, only buying something when it’s on sale, loose clothes to camouflage and not draw attention to myself/shape, not speaking up at meetings, not dressing up to avoid jealous looks, .. literally i could go on. The fact is your comment here Adele has opened up a huge area for us all to deeper examine as women and in getting to the nub of a woman’s true power and how this has been held back.
Reading all of these comments it seems that over the years nearly everyone including men have bought shoes that are too small for us. How crazy is it that we overuse our bodies so much to the point it hurts just because of ideals and beliefs about ‘looks’. These false ideals and beliefs are still there for the next generation, choosing looks over truly loving and supporting the body, so it is great to have this discussion to break down these ill ideals and beliefs once and for all .. something tells me we have a long way to go with this one.
I agree Susan, that the pictures we hold onto have an insidious and long lasting impact on the way we are as women. It is like we need start afresh, feel who we are without any ideas of how we should be and allow that to be our way.
I have also had issues with shoes most of my life, which I feel is very telling that something is not right about how I walk in life and treat myself. I am eternally in search of a comfortable, attractive pair of shoes. They often feel comfortable in the store but rub or squash parts my feet when I actually wear them.
This blog so beautifully highlights how the energy of playing less that many women have accepted as normal can infiltrate every part of our lives. It is like a silent undercurrent that affects the clothes we choose, what we say or don’t say, how we move our body etc. It’s amazing how a societal norm such as ‘what it looks like to be delicate’ as a woman, can continue to affect the choice of shoe size into adulthood and the acceptance of harming oneself to achieve this.
Such a great truth shared Adele: If one aspect of us is restricted, caped, limited then this reflects onto to our entire being. We may think we are ok in ‘other areas’, however we are a whole unit therefore everything is interconnected. This flows on to all our expression in our life with everyone we meet. We cap ourselves and others just by holding back one seemingly little thing that on the surface is unbeknown to another. But it is all energy moving through us all the time and we are responsible for the energy we choose and what we reflect to humanity. So when we dress our selves our shoes matter immensely, they are the imprint we are moving in and leaving for the next person.
Great point in this super blog Adele. Isn’t it time for us women to free ourselves once and for all from all ideals and believes regarding our bodies and how it should look. There is neither template nor mould we should conform to because we are beautifully unique.
Adele your experience of wanting smaller feet or to be less petite is one I know very well.
I too am quiet short but my feet are big. They always have been and I too really hated how large they looked. i never bought shoes too small, but I would always avoid pointy shoes or anything that made them look bigger.
About 2 years ago I started to appreciate my feet more, taking time to wash them in the shower, moisturize them and stop walking barefoot outside to harden the souls. It took a lot for me to change my approach towards my feet, but as I did, I have noticed that my feet have actually shrunk about a size and a half. They have naturally got smaller, and I can feel in my body how as I have started to appreciate my feet more, this change has been a natural result of that. Another reminder of how incredible the body is, how responsible we are for appreciating before criticising, and that sometimes all it takes is a bit of love to bring balance to the world.
Oh how I wanted smaller feet when I was younger and oh how I tortured myself wearing shoes that were too small. I have gone through various stages of discarding this self-abusive footwear as I have accepted, appreciated and loved myself more. It is an at least once a day moment of inspiration for me to feel my toes and the space around them in whatever I am wearing.
I agree Susan when we hold back everyone loses out, and the most natural thing for us to do would be to be who we truly are, it is interesting to ponder on how much we fight ourselves in order to hold ourselves back from being who we are.
I remember doing the same thing Susan. As a teenager in the 80s when white stilettos were all the rage I remember buying a pair but would get blisters on my heels and toes that I would cover in plasters. It seemed to matter more to fit in rather than take care of my body as I wanted to be accepted and looked at favourably. Wearing uncomfortable shoes seemed to be the price to pay, but ironically it didn’t really alter how I felt about myself as deep down I knew, even if I wasn’t prepared to admit it, that I was making shallow compromises for something that didn’t feel true anyway and so probably only wore the shoes a handful of times. I remember an Italian friend staying with us at the time where colourful, flat trainer shoes were the thing to wear, and watching her reaction to those stilettos and all those other white stilettos she was witnessing in the street – they didn’t make sense to her either comfort wise or fashion wise (looking back I would have to say that I totally agree with her!), but clocking her response probably supported me to be more aware with what I had been doing.
I agree – it’s a joy to honour your own personal sense of style and to appreciate that of another. Appreciating your own expression supports in the appreciation of others – to limit this for the sake of blending in is to compromise much of yourself and prevents you seeing the awesomeness of another in the comparison. For what? It achieves nothing and keeps us spinning in the need for confirmation in the outer picture that will never satiate our desire for love or connection because they are not to be found there.
Adele, I love the line and totally agree that ‘there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’
The strange thing is Linda, is that we often override our true feelings to fit in with others, when all the time others’ are trying to fit in with us, so everyone is playing the game of fitting in with each other therefore no-one is truly being themselves. Thank goodness we have Universal Medicine to guide us back to listening to our bodies and not letting our minds delay us any further from evolving back to who we truly are.
When a lack of self-worth is the foundation we have tread upon this earth with that we would subscribe to the pictures fed to us of what being a woman is. So what living breathing daily worth in women can re-imprint this world with is a movement we choose how long the shining truth of who we are will unfold as reality back for us all.
Put like this we have a huge responsibility in every step that we take, for the truth is much needed.
The familiarity of holding back. This is huge, not only for myself because I know it so well – like an old pair of slippers – but also for all women everywhere who have fallen for the lie of worthlessness. And it is a lie because nothing can determine our worth besides the interminable quality of our inner-hearts.
“The concept of delicateness to me then was one which was purely determined by outward appearances…” – I can relate to this as I’m sure many other women can, but as you say Adele I now know delicateness not defined by outer appearances but by an energy or quality that is felt and can be expressed without needing to conform to a certain look.
Absolutely Fiona, the quality of our inner essence has no look but most definitely a feel like no other, and it knows itself to a tee.
It isn’t somethings we ever really consider – that the way we dress has more effect than just on how we look – it can affect the way we feel past feeling beautiful or not, but actually be connected to our expression
Yes Rebecca, we either dress ourselves from a holding back and will our clothing fully support that and in that help to limits our movements to a reduced state of being or we dress from the grandness that we are which will be reflected and supported by our clothing that will not hinder us in any way.
When i was around 14 years old I also started to choose to wear shoes that were too small for me, especially trainers. I thought they looked cooler and I too did not want to have big feet as I grew early and was much taller than my friends at the time. I can totally relate to the feeling of trying to inhibit my own expression and expansion in doing this.
In all the time I was choosing shoes that were too small for me I was cruelly rejecting who I was. Coming to accept, appreciate and live lovingly with myself has been a total life changer and what is super cool is that it seems to be an ongoing and ever deepening development.
We as women do hold back so much who we truly are, we are very clever at picking up roles and responsibilities, many that are not ours to take on, but we do so all the same. As you have expressed, ‘Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.’ It is ingrained in us from an early age, I have found for me not only has there been a holding back, but also the inability to truly surrender, allowing for there to be tension in my body, but to let it be there, surrender to that. Instead I have chosen to numb, check out, eat food, distract myself, all to not truly feel the incredible awareness I have. Instead choosing to dull that awareness, I felt, because i was always in fear of what I had to do with that awareness. I would mean I had to act on it! This feels less scary now.
once we stop eating to numb ourselves, appreciation somehow becomes much simpler and the surrender is natural.
I shop very differently now, whether for shoes or clothes. What used to be ‘what will people think of me?’ has been replaced by ‘how gorgeous do I feel in this?’ and ‘does wearing this support the reflection of the love that I am?’
Thanks, Jane. It is lovely to feel your appreciation of yourself and also the responsibility in making sure your gorgeousness is shared with the world, as the beauty of our essence is for everyone to be inspired by.
I commented yesterday to someone on how much more sensible my shoes have become in terms of size of heel and fit as if I somehow yearned the old days of my high heels and pointy toes. Yet when I feel the support in my body from my feet upwards and how I walk with this support it feels gorgeous and I know my pointy toes and stilletto heels are no longer wanted or needed.
Wearing shoes that love our feet loves us back all day.
That should be a bumper sticker, Matilda – simply said yet profound
Thank you Adele, how many of us struggle to accept who we naturally are because we get fixated on an external image of beauty that we clearly can never be, such as having small feet or long legs and hold that as more precious than ourselves. And then we punish ourselves for not being this by wearing shoes and clothes that don’t fit and actually hurt our bodies, the “self sabotaging” shopping virus. Your blog prompts in me a wardrobe cull, its time to ditch the shoes that pinch and the clothes that don’t feel comfortable, feeling and looking good starts with the energy we choose to look after ourselves in, not trying to measure up to an impossible ideal.
Thank you Adele for exposing the many ways that we can hold back our expression and how capping this is. I feel inspired to look at my ‘self-sabotaging shopping’ habits as I have so many shoes that I convinced myself were comfortable in the shop but seemed to change shape when I got them home?! Time for another wardrobe cleanse and feeling into what allows me to express the fullness of me with no holding back.
Another beautiful writing Adele. I truly appreciate your way of writing with the love and honesty that you bring with it. Of course there are beautiful shoes in the shops but are they fabricated to nurture and cary our bodies in a caring way or are they produced to fit into an image, any image that we are fed with, as being the ideal of how we want to look like? It is finally all up to us and I have to be honest with my shoos as well. I have only a few pair that truly fit and support my body in that nurturing way. Some of the others do comply to an image, the image that they finally will fit perfectly after a certain time of wearing in, but to be honest, the never do.
Reading your comment Nico made me remember that I recently bought some beautiful colourful trainers. They were on sale and after walking on them, I felt happy. I chose to wear them instantly, but when walking outside of the shop I could feel that they were actually not supporting my body. I firstly overrode my feelings and had thoughts as ‘ah, it’s just because they are new’, ‘don’t be too sensitive’, etc. But after an hour or so, I could still feel that with every step my back and kidneys actually hurt. So I chose to not wear them anymore. A shame of the money / investment, but a great, GREAT learning. And I appreciate myself dearly for being honest and for listening to what my body was actually telling me.
What shoes we own and choose to wear is another area where we can disregard our feet as you share Nico. As Adele shared she tried to fit into smaller shoes, and this disregard plays out the same in wearing shoes that are old and worn or uncomfortable. Wearing shoes that do not fit or are falling apart can hugely affect our day, as they can then rub and blister our feet resulting in an ongoing pain which prevents us from really focusing on what we’re doing and the people around us.
And it is that realisation and level of awareness Susie, that also our shoes do play an important role in how we feel during the day, nurturing and supportive or not and not only about how they look like and match the image we want to live up to.
To all women – forget the shoes. Its not about the shoes. You could wear clods and I would still know that you are lovely beyond compare. Oh, and while I am at it, it is not your nakedness the inspires me either, even though the world seems to think so.No, I would rather see you naked in a different sort of way – where you stand free of the impositions of the world, and free of the protections you hold on to so tightly so that we do not get to see your true magnificence.
That’s beautiful Adam, I am stumped for words at your comment, so touching. To be appreciated by a man, even wearing clogs (or clods as you call them) and to be seen for who we truly are underneath our clothing (so to speak) is awesome, thank-you.
Thank you Adam here’s to not holding back in any way – look out world.
Beauty-full words Adam. These are the kinds of words I would like to see and hear – not the dross we are subjected to by the media and advertising sales which call us away from all we innately are.
Amazingly said Adam, thank you.
As a woman I also deeply celebrate all women and men in their nakedness, free as you say Adam from the impositions and pictures of the world and transparent in full account of our lives, I also deeply celebrate all of us who are, and we will all one day, return to the beauty of this nakedness.
Adam your gorgeous. Thank you …..are there more of you? 😆 … meaning we so need more men to be like this it’s utterly gorgeous and gives women permission just to be ✨
ha ha, yes, in fact – many men feel this way, they just don’t express it.
There is no-thing in this world that can diminish the power of our connection to knowing who we are. It is only ourselves that chooses to separate from this through which we then allow ourselves to be measured and limited by pictures and ideals of who we think we are.
The key word indeed is ‘allowing’ Carola. We have a choice to allow ourselves be measured by pictures and ideals, we have been doing this for quite some time and I feel it is getting worse. Still it is a simple choice to wake up to the truth of what is going on and admit that it is ridiculous.
The fact you are willing to look at something some people might see as simple as how your shoes fit is awesome – the mentality that so long as I can get them on they fit is true for a lot of our clothing. I felt recently how some of my regularly worn shoes where very flat in the sole and not supporting me when I walked and so now next time I buy shoes I am aware of what kind of a sole they have
All of our past choices with shoes will come back and haunt us one day, bunions, callouses, corns, fallen arches… there is nothing that the body won’t show us and my philosophy is, I always look at the height of the heel first, the type of sole and how supportive it is, the lining and of course the price, even though the first thing that often attracts me is the colour! If they meet all of the criteria, then they’re in the bag! It’s a shame I didn’t follow this philosophy when I was younger then my feet would be shouting at me right now 🙂
Isn’t it strange how nearly every culture have a different set of ideals around beauty – for one it is small feel and being quite and demure, for another it might be having lighter skin or darker skin, larger breasts and bum or smaller, darker hair or lighter hair – everyone is being asked to look different to how they look in some way to be considered beautiful and the struggle to match up to those expectations is really hard and quite damaging physically and emotionally
So true Rebecca and so it exposes the lie we have been sold around what beauty is.
And a lie that we have seemingly allowed to become our truth and by subscribing to that lie we have denied something that is innately who we are deep down inside. As we begin to reconnect to our truth we allow this feeling to emerge and again claim our natural right as beautiful women celebrating who we are in full.
I agree – and so many buy and pay for that lie
Yes, Rebecca, and even trends within cultures change over time, so it is impossible to fit the picture. Natalie Benhayon has shown me over the years what it is like to live and move as a beautiful and captivating woman – bursting with gorgeousness from the inside out…
Love that Janet – “bursting with gorgeousness from the inside out” ! YES me too, Natalie leads by lived example her love within that she celebrates for herself, and for all.
This is a great question Susan, and certainly worth pondering…
“…when we try to fit into a pair of shoes that are not right for us, whose shoes are we really trying to walk in?” They are certainly not ours, so whose would they be – all the pictures we have said yes to perhaps?
This point is profound and reading it again Paula I can feel that most of my life I have been always trying to fit into some one else’s shoes or choosing to wear someone else’s shoes – this realisation brings much healing.
Lack of self worth is certainly a normal picture for many women in society today, and one we have all grown up with in varying degrees. The focus was always about the outside world but never about our inner world – our connection to ourselves, to the love, grace and beauty that is within, for us all to shine forth for all to see and be inspired by.
Feeling our worth is so very important for us as women, to truly know our beauty, our preciousness, our grace, is definitely something we cannot hold back, because if we do, so many will not see the reflection that is deeply there on offer.
Hear hear Paula, building our self worth from connecting to our essence as the amazing women that we are, is very needed for almost all women in today’s world.
I suspect this has been the case for many, many women Adele…”… holding back has been normal and familiar for me in life—from the tone and manner in how I speak, the way I hold myself, the food I choose to eat and how much, the way I dress, how much money I allow myself to have, the way I move…. all reflect that a lack of self-worth is normal, if not expected of myself. ” It is a story I have run with all my life too, and there never appeared to be any other role model who inspired me to be otherwise (there were other models but not ones to inspire), however now we have role models in Natalie and Miranda Benhayon who deeply inspire many women to be all they naturally and truly are.
On re reading your blog Adele, I can think of many shoes or clothes that I have worn that have kept me capped. In the past, I would have not understood this, but what we wear really is an expression of ourselves and as we evolve, and really allow ourselves to shine, our clothes need to change to reflect this inner change.
And then, Rosie, we do not need any shoe or piece of cloth that fits in an image, but instead we will choose clothes that support and celebrate us in the grandness that we are. As you say any clothing that does not confirm who and where we are in our evolution, will only cap us, no matter how beautiful and fashionable they are. I know from experience that not honouring my feelings about what I want to wear but instead choose for what is practical or more appropriate for the situation I will be in, made me feel not supported and fed my lack of self worth instead.
It is very true that we can seriously cap ourselves by choosing our cloths to live up to an ideal or to get recognised. It is quite exposing that we are surrounded by countless magazines and commercials feeding us ideals all based on our outside appearance. We need to get real on the damage that is bringing to the whole of our society.
This is so true Adele…”…capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” I had never looked at it this way but it makes so much sense – everything is everything, and so if one part of our lives is effected it affects the whole. It is time to go through my wardrobe and discard all that no longer supports… thank you for the inspiration.
That line stood out for me too Paula. It is such a breath of fresh air to read that line. In our current world so much is about looking good and almost no one is talking about how it feels in and on our body. It is not about going in very baggy clothes because they do not feel physically uncomfortable, because that is not honouring either, it is about making sure we buy clothes and shoes that are comfortable and beautiful and I find that is not always the most easy task! Yet it is getting easier as I am getting more confident with knowing what I like to wear.
Love what you have shared Adele. In society today, and when I was growing up, comparison and holding back is accepted and considered very normal. Comparing ourselves to each other and a world created by picture and ideals will always have us thinking we are less, not enough and feel pressured to be something other than ourselves. And so we force, reduce and lessen ourselves to fit into an image that leaves behind all of the greatness we naturally are. When we begin to connect to ourselves and our bodies we begin to discover just how much there is to appreciate, how beautiful we actually are simply by being ourselves. And we come to know that this way of being has a far greater sense of fullfilment, surpassing any picture or ideal that we try to fit in to or compare ourselves to.
for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are. I definitely agree with you there Adele. Feeling your own inner beauty and moving with that knowing is the most amazing and truly confirming feeling.
Yes is is very confirming Julie. I have only recently been feeling how supporting it is to confirm my exquisiteness and beauty. It is the foundation I stand on today and it is getting stronger and stronger.
“At that point, I realised I had been living entrenched under the mercy of how the world thought of me, and I chose to stop.” Such a powerful point Adele. I realised I lived at the mercy of the world as well and it has been the most profound realisation. There will always be people who do not like me or have critique on my body. The learning very much is to not let it affect me but truly confirm my greatness from the inside out. I find that is the most beautiful thing to do and it brings something that is very needed as a reflection into the world: self-love and full self-acceptance.
Beautifully said Lieke. When we can accept ourselves in full, life becomes a much brighter place and we can inspire others to also see their own qualities in who they are.
Adele I love how you have expressed how when you were younger you wanted smaller feet and how you tried to “fit in”. It is amazing the amount of pain and suffering we put ourselves through in order to fit an ideal.
Good point “when you were younger you wanted smaller feet and how you tried to “fit in”” – both in the literal sense of fitting into shoes and fitting into a part of ‘normal society’
True Sally. And we go to great lengths to change something like our shoe size when physically this is impossible to do – these behaviours go to show how when we hold onto beliefs, ideals and expectations our insecurities can be intense, and we can push ourselves incredibly hard to morph our bodies into what we think is beautiful or acceptable.
Very true Sally, we do put ourselves through much pain, not just physically, in order to fit in a narrow box fabricated for what purpose? Ideals of who we should be or what we should look like are just so incredible useless and greatly damaging. The simplicity of being and celebrating who we are on the other hand is so very joyful and uplifting.
Adele your words ‘I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’ This feels so true and very beautiful.
Yes, Susan, anything we wear that is to fit into an image rather than what is true for us, hurts us not only physically at times but inside as well, because in that moment we are saying that we are not enough just as we are.
“Since childhood I have had an issue with my feet”… the first line of your blog Adele struck me as I realised that since being a child I had issues with my height. Yes, my feet were big, but in proportion to me height, so I didn’t really have an issue with them. I was taller than my siblings and all my friends, and when I was a teenager I walked with my face lowered to the floor, not wanting to meet anyone’s gaze in case I had to relate to them. I walked also around in bare feet, inside and outside and wore flat, frumpy shoes for years not wanting to stand out. All is changed now, I am loving being tall and am claiming my full height without shying away from others, and realising that I am a woman and I don’t have to hide anymore, so heels are in (as long as they’re comfortable of course 🙂 ) and flat shoes are okay too, and whatever I wear I am standing tall and enjoying every moment. So for me the title of your blog says it all, accepting and expressing my greatness is all about standing tall in my fullness, starting with my feet at the foundation.
I feel we all have an issue with some part of our body. I always had an issue with my curly hair, I wanted it to be straight. Nowadays I love my curls and really show them. Letting ourselves be seen for all that we are!
I commute to work on the tube in London and the number of well-dressed women wearing trainers most times but comfortable shoes that do not fit with what they are wearing! I had worked in a place that was a large six floors full of desks place and there were a few desks that underneath looked like a shoe store of high heels. I had asked one woman that had a large selection why? She told me it was part of the dress code and part of looking professional. Most of the women on the tube in comfy shoes have a backpack or a shoe bag with them. What if men had to wear high heels, something about having to walk a mile in another’s shoes comes to mind!
A cracker of a blog Adele. And you have shared one of many areas people use to sabotage themselves and their greatness. But as you have discovered our grandness is who we are and making ourselves less because of a part of our body is just crazy. Thank you for exposing this and sharing your story. I can relate to the patterns you shared. But now feel my beauty with in and live from there as best I can.
Could it be that our beauty within is so grand that we can’t handle it and that could be one reason why we sabotage ourselves. I know I have done, and still do to a certain extent, but it is with the best of our ability that we accept responsibility and allow the grandness of who we are without being hard on ourselves, because at the end of the day…. it IS who we are, grand, glorious and beautiful, all it requires is more love for ourselves starting with honouring every part of our body.
Beautifully expressed Sandra ‘it IS who we are, grand, glorious and beautiful, all it requires is more love for ourselves starting with honouring every part of our body.’
It’s crazy, you’d think honouring ourselves, our body, should be a natural thing for us because in truth it is, yet most of us do not live this way, let alone aware we live in abuse to ourselves. This blog is a gorgeous example of how potent our choice can be to love and care for our whole body, thank you Adele.
Great comment Giselle. You have highlighted how it is only ourselves that choose live less than how absolutely beautiful we naturally are. It is so true that it is empowering choose to ‘love and care for our whole body’ as we then come to know and appreciate who we truly are, and feel the sacredness of this connection to ourselves is worth honoring.
We need to keep staying with ourselves and feeling what more there is to explore. It is easy to accept the surface layer we can feel about ourselves, but with willingness to keep feeling the more that is always there, we get to feel the depth of loveliness that is there.
Beautifully said Giselle… “our choice can be to love and care for our whole body” and this blog shows how powerful and profound this one choice can be. Imagine if our every choice was made in this same quality – our lives would be very different, and society would also be very different as a consequence of all our choices.
With the awareness of your blog Adele I’m observing my entire wardrobe daily and what ever feels like was purchased with an image/ideal/picture in mind that has stuck I am removing that item. It feels great to do this, lightening what was and opening space for what is truly there for me now. I can feel how hoarding is a cap on our potential.
I can feel the truth and depths of your realisation here Sandra. Often we have the words and use them, but they’re not being lived so they end up like catchphrases or sayings. Truly understanding what these words mean and how they impact our lives means we can truly make shifts that support our wellbeing. Thank you.
I’ve experienced a similar thing Sandra – when I buy an item of clothing, some shoes, a coat etc. in order to look a certain way or fit into a group or trend, then a few days or weeks down the line when I go to take it out of my closet it feels wrong… Generally what happens is that I never actually feel comfortable in it, so don’t ever wear it, but then may go through my clothes months later and feel inclined to as I’ve let go of the ideal or belief that I bought it for in the first place.
Sandra, I love the reflection you have offered here and how honouring it feels. What we place on our body reflects everything about what we are feeling and the truth of who we are. It also carries an energy of the time it was chosen. Thank you for triggering in me the opportunity to ponder all that I am bringing in my life but especially whether I am honouring myself through the clothing I place on my body.
This has also happened to me Sandra, if I buy something because I want to look a certain way or portray an image then the items just don’t feel right to me and then hardly get worn. And after reading this blog I know I have many shoes to go through and donate to a charity shop.
I have always found hoarding an interesting phenomena. There are all sorts of extremes, but the energy is ultimately the same. When we hold onto anything that is no longer needed, it means we are holding ourselves back, not letting go and not allowing for our potential. And not only that, the clutter and lack of space is also affecting many others. If we throw a few things out that aren’t needed anymore the entire house can feel different. The question is do we really want to feel how simple this can be?
The house does feel different when items which are no longer needed are removed from the house and likewise when a family member brings something into the house I feel disturbed depending on if it is truly needed or not.
That’s a great point Julie. When an item is added to a house it either expands it or drops the quality. This reminds us that everything matters.
This is inspiring to hear Sandra. I feel for myself and perhaps for most women we have times when we buy clothes in disconnection or from ideas, not feeling what is true for ourselves and where we are at. Our clothes and shoes can hold us in a past pattern and not express the fullness we are. It is a moment to appreciate our fullness, if we check in with what they are expressing when we are buying clothes.
Yes Fiona, i can relate to this, i have bought clothes, whether they be shoes or dresses, that calculate privately that this will not be ‘too good’ so i don’t get noticed ( I don’t feel good enough)…for others it may be i want to look really great and stand out ( I will prove I am good enough)…but all in all it came back to a non acceptance of me!
Oh I am so looking forward to doing a wardrobe cull, thank you Adele and thank you Sandra. I have for sometime been wanting to go through all my clothes and just select the ones that I love wearing because they feel great to wear and ditch the things brought in haste and emptiness. In effect these hasty purchases are just wardrobe fillers that I use to stuff the gaps in myself where I have not yet accepted how gorgeous, tender, precious and loving I am. The more I make the effort to connect to myself and appreciate me, I am noticing the less tempted I am to go into “sabotage shopping” mode in the first place.
Robyn, it’s funny to think that we have a relationship with our feet, but we do, after all, it is our feet that carry us around all day and, if you have ever looked on the faces of women wearing high heels at an exhibition, you will see just how much wearing uncomfortable shoes all day on a hard floor can affect our expression. I agree with you, if shoes are not comfortable right from the start, they don’t come home with me. When I was younger I’d buy what looked good and have occasionally tried very high heels, but they have always hurt, so I go for an elegant but low heel. High heels may make our legs look great, but if we are scowling because our feet hurt, then there’s no point.
Thanks you Adele, a great example of the many things we open up to when we first choose to walk away from the power of who we are and then seek recognition and love in life. So many piers that support the way we live are built from this collective human choice and right up there is fashion.
Well said Simon – ‘a great example of the many things we open up to when we first choose to walk away from the power of who we are and then seek recognition and love in life’. There are so many ways that we contort ourselves to fit in, to seek recognition and as a result we walk around in quite a deformed and unwell state. We have allowed this to be accepted as normal yet our state of well-being as a humanity does not reflect this and it is clearly showing that this way of existing is not working. Living our lives from within, from who we are first is the key to living our lives in full.
With the understanding and then the acceptance of this realisation; “there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are” my whole life changed, and the beautiful woman that I am slowly began to appear out of the self imposed cocoon that I had hidden myself away in for way too long.
This is a beautiful blog Adele inspirational about living the greatness of who we are in every detail . Our shoes and our feet and the care and importance of them are every bit as important as every other bit we are . Lovingly caring for our body and how we live is a wonderful way to communicate and be with ourselves and this is infectious to everyone else as a result.
“Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” This is beautiful to read this morning Adele and I will take this into my day, it is a great reminder that we truly are grand and there is nothing that can stand in our way when we stay connected to our true power instead of any man made ideal
Adele I love how you write and I particularly loved this line ‘for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness’. Also what you are writing about is something I can really relate to and something that I thought of the other day. How I keep buying shoes that do not fully support me and where my feet feel a little bit squashed in them. I have always had a thing with shoes and feet to the point that when I was younger I would sneak my pretty party shoes to school and change into them so I would feel more delicate discarding my big clompy sensible ones. It was fine for a while until my best friend told the dinner lady who made me go back and put my clompy ones on again! 😐
This is such a cute story and reminds me of how as a child we know and consistently tap into how we feel…who wouldn’t want to feel more delicate at all times. It highlights the need for true balance…there have to be a pair of shoes out there that are delicate yet do not squash you. And the more we ask for them the more they will be supplied.
Ha ha, that’s funny Vicky… I often see little girls wearing their sparkly party shoes in the street, or dressing up in their mother’s high heels eight times too big, confirmation that the fascination with our feet and the conscious shoe choices starts at a very early age! My question is, when and why do we then sabotage our feet with ill fitting shoes and take our feet for granted when they are the one’s that keep us on the ground and take us forward in life.
Reading your comment made me feel very Joyful as I’m reminded of children playing with shoes (and so much more). Everything is full of Playfullness, how amazing is it if we could naturally expand that Playfullness and celebrate it, rather than squeezing it more and more down. I’ve certainly been somebody who’s chosen to become so hard that I could hardly access my Playfullness. Reading and connecting to these examples and allowing myself to join Playful moments in life – rather than keeping myself at a distance – make me slowly trust in my own Playfullness and Joy.
We can express ourselves so beautifully with the shoes we choose to wear as you have shown here , Vicky. Clompy sensible shoes seem to make us small and we are expected to wear them to hide our unique qualities.
I can relate to what you share Adele, not so much with shoes but with the image or picture of needing to fit in. I recently caught myself behaving in a way that was all about fitting in, it wasn’t til later that I realised when we live this way we are not living in the true authority of who we are – it is this that lessens us. When we see and value our unique expression we are able to come back to the truth which is we are all equally needed in this world. Everyone offers something different and when we honour this by living who we are what we reflect to those around us is you don’t have to fit in, you can just be yourself.
Some cracking quotes here, Adele, which confront the unloving ideals and beliefs behind the fashion industry head on. My favourite is, ‘capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.’ It begs the question, ‘Why would I want to hold back the expression of my whole being for the sake of being seen in pointed shoes?’ and highlights the entirely erroneous basis for many of our accepted fads and fashions around shoes. And we haven’t even got started on stilettos…
…and those huge platform soles Cathy, that were around in the 70’s that separated us further from the earth and caused many a twisted ankle!
Put like that Cathy it seems we haven’t got much further than when we had our feet bound. Crazy to put ourselves to so much discomfort, and for what? To fit in to some image that we have fallen for that possibly on deeper reflection is not what we truly feel or want ?
True, Cathy, there is a worthwhile article to be written about all the different ways that women have hurt their bodies over the years, to fit into the images of what is fashionable and desirable.
Some years ago, the fashion was to wear stiletto heels and pointy toes. I still have some shoes in my wardrobe that reflect this style (that need to go now). Whenever I wore these shoes I felt unstable and I certainly couldn’t bring the steadiness of who I am to interactions.
Now, when I shop for shoes with heels, I am careful to walk in them and really feel how I feel in them, because if I can’t be me, I can’t wear them. There aren’t many out there but they are worth the hunt.
So true Emma, shoes can support us to be who we truly are or can reduce our natural expression if they are not a correct fitting or hurt to walk in. I know I have a couple of pairs of shoes that I love to wear because they allow me to walk and claim who I am and this feel very empowering.
At what point did we accept that holding back was the way to go?
Are we simply afraid of the power that is just waiting to work through us so that we can be instrumental in the very needed change required by us on this planet? Afraid; Or simply not wanting the responsibility? I feel it to be the latter.
Yes Emma, great questions raised here. The sense of our power has always been present in varying degrees throughout our lives, as this is who we are. Yet our lack of acceptance of our responsibility to claim this is what kept us undone, and as such feeling incomplete.
I have recently gone through my wardrobe and again stumbled over various pairs of shoes that I never wear but am hanging onto because of their quality (ie. I spent considerable money or time on them) or simply because I bought them and don’t want to ‘waste’ my money. But they are all uncomfortable or not right in one way or another and the truth is that the waste happened a long time ago and now they are draining my energy by taking up space in my wardrobe.
The key here is drop the image of being less, of thinking there won’t be enough money to buy new shoes nor the time and energy to do so. I can feel how as we evolve, we expand and change and we need to be prepared to let go of clothing that may have once served a purpose but no longer does; we have energetically outgrown it. And letting go makes room for the new……
This blog is great Adele. It exposes a pattern that I can certainly relate to, both with the shoes and the broader implication from this example of how we hold back in life.
I have one foot longer than the other so was always having trouble getting the right sized shoes, as if I fitted the bigger foot then the smaller foot would be swimming in the bigger size and if I fitted the smaller foot, the bigger foot would be capped. Until reading your blog, I had not consciously brought my attention to the fact that I too, wished that I had smaller, more petite feet and was often disliking the way that my long feet looked in shoes; hence often having to take shoes back and having a complicated shoe buying experience.
I find it fascinating how much energy goes into feeling less and the complication this has brought in my life!! All the many clothes buying experiences, not to mention all the other aspects of expression you have highlighted; what a waste of this gorgeous body and the incredible life I have been given to live! No longer can I nor will I choose these behaviours nor give energy to these beliefs that do not serve me nor any person whose life I touch simply from accepting and living me in full.
I have been feeling this about shoes for a little while and letting go of a few ‘older pairs’. However reading your blog Adele connected me immediately to the truth that hanging onto any shoe that doesn’t hold the imprint of all of who I am now , means if I wear shoes bought at a time that there where pictures attached to that purchase I would then walk that old energy around, literally walking backwards. No wonder some days just don’t feel like they equal our initial intention when we wake up. Same goes for clothes. Every day I look at my wardrobe something is coming out and moving on.
Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal. Absolutely Adele, when we know ourselves from our essence and express that, nothing is between how you feel and what you have to say, it is just there to naturally be expressed for all.
“Capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” Thank you Adele for tapping into our insecurities, whether men or women. We let images swirl in our head about the ideal body while letting life pass us by.
thanks for highlighting that Patricia. No part can operate separately from the whole and be an ‘okay’ part – the whole does not have its completeness with out all of its parts.
When I was younger I would often desperately try to fit into something, especially if they didn’t have my size, or would always want the smallest version I could fit into, even if it was far more sensible to get a bigger size coat for example, to fit layers underneath. I remember the all-consuming need to have those shoes or that top and to fit into a small size, because I had pinned looking nice and being beautiful on those things. Now having grown up a bit and worked though some of those issues, I am no longer bothered by what size the clothing is, if it fits me then that’s what matters, and if t makes sense to, then there is not if wrong in buying it a size or two bigger. The way we buy clothes and approach the way things fit us is very revealing of the relationship we have without body shape.
Wow Adele, I love the simplicity and profoundness that you’ve combined here. How many would consider the Beauty of your whole being, being influenced by the size of shoes that you choose to wear. To me this is a very practical way of looking to self-care, self-respect and self-loving choices made on a very practical note. And allowing abuse in this area of one’s life is allowing it in other areas as well. Honouring and appreciating ourselves and one another is in everything. That takes Responsibility to a whole new level.
Thank you, Adele. I love your blogs and how they expose the beliefs and ideals that we have about ourselves as women, and how we accept low self worth as the norm. It feels really supportive for all of us and provides us with opportunities to ‘out’ any residual self critique.
Thanks for the inspiration.I threw out half a big tub of shoes as they were not supportive nor right for my feet anymore.
When we live and express love, our bodies shine, even if we are bedridden with cancer.
Oh, yes Adele I can really relate to that notion of being ‘entrenched under the mercy of how the world thought of me’ and how I can still hang on to this when I am feeling insecure and out of my depth. As I slowly begin to understand myself and become more intimate with myself I am beginning to accept that I am an innately beautiful woman – from the inside out.
‘Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.’ Great blog exposing how much we are prepared to compromise to fit in with some ‘dictated’ ideal of how we perceived women should be. I have frequently compromised on quality with my purchases and the number of shoes I still own that are not completely comfortable is testament to that. However I feel that it is an underlying acceptance that holding back is part of the female condition that has been most damaging and led me to so often bite my tongue rather than express the truth of how I feel in many situations. I am now committing to bringing all of me to every situation and observing where I still hold back without beating myself up.
‘Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.’ Even reading this feels sad and so true for so many women. We hold back our glory to fit into a (shoe) box and this of course we will NEVER do. We are explosions of love and our bodies simply carry us lovingly as we live within its casing. Time to set ourselves free. We are all waiting ✨
It’s amazing how the way we have expressed as women is also expressed in our feet. The image of a delicate woman has been to hold back, be small, not rock the boat, and we want our feet to fit this image too by being small, demure and petite. We stand on our feet to do life. They actually need the freedom to express as they need to, being big if they are indeed big. They can be an expression of our bigness and our magnificence, standing strong and walking with confidence. It is time to take back the apology, and stand tall, expressing as our amazing selves who are indeed very delicate but not in a way that needs to compromise. We can share our delicate nature with the world without shrinking.
Absolutely Rebecca, well said.
“We stand on our feet to do life” Yes we need that solid foundation of a comfortable pair of feet to help support us on our life’s journey. Tottering along in stilettos is not my idea of feeling steady and supported and being able to walk with confidence in each and every step forward.
Personally I have nothing against stilettos. I feel every woman has a choice as to how she expresses herself through clothes and shoes. Our presence and power comes from within, and this can be expressed in many ways. If we are strong and steady inside we can wear whatever we like, and walk and stand tall in what ever shoes we choose to wear.
Not expressing myself in greatness and fullness has been my pattern too for a long time Adele, so it has become my normal. But feeling that, I love your comment that we are much more than this,and can return to our absolute magnitude ‘for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.’
Gorgeous Adele. This part I found cute, and very great. “There will always be beautiful shoes around which are just a bit too small for me, and it is up to me to say “no”.” Loved it. It’s amazing when we source out and begin to stop all the ways we play ourselves down. This process is happening with me with clothes at the moment.
Hi Emily, I am also in process of letting go of old clothes that no longer are ‘me’. I have not been willing to look at my shoes as yet which is interesting to feel. Seems I am more attached to my shoes and holding on to pairs that don’t work for me anymore – I am feeling inspired by this blog and all the comments to let go of shoes that no longer support me – I shall let you know how I go.
Yes please Anna. it will be interesting to note!
…”delicateness is a quality within myself”. This is where it all begins. When we realise it is not something achievable, out there, a look, a style, we an begin to express and connect to the absolute beauty and delicateness within.
I love this quote too Mary. It really shows there is so much more to a woman’s beauty than just looks.. True beauty is felt and expressed from her whole being
Adele, I know those ways of holding myself back as well and as I am a shoe lover I sometimes wore shoes which were looking great but were not comfortable.. Clothing and shoes express a lot of us, either we wear them for the outside or to express and cherish our natural beauty and love.
So true Kerstin.
We either express from the outside or from the inside.
It’s always a choice.
Feet are our foundation, our connection to the earth, the way we stand, the way we walk, all depends on our feet. It is not surprising that, if something wanted to upset the way we feel about ourselves from our very foundation, it would go for our feet. The first time I was awakened to comparison was when my sister was born and a photo was taken of me at 5 years old, holding her. I noticed how cute her feet were and how huge I looked beside her. From that moment I wanted to be smaller. I felt like I was other, not a part of what was cute and adorable. This was such a huge sabotage from the foundation of how I connected to being on the earth.
Now I love my feet. I cannot wear anything that causes discomfort, not for any amount of time. I feel my connection and l love it. The change came because of my awareness of the poison of comparison and my willingness to discard it. I must revisit that photo and see how it feels.
It is very interesting to note that yesterday I had a pair of comfortable shoes on. During the course of the day I had observed in some interactions with people that were outwardly nice but not truly loving and yet I have stayed to chat because I wanted to see if this would change and just to test it out a bit more. And almost immediately when I walked away from this situation my right ankle got a blister. What my body has told me was the moment of clocking that something does not feel loving to the body, is the moment to say no, not a few minutes later, but right away.
Awesome reflection from your body Adele and I feel inspired by your level of commitment to truly loving your body and never settling for anything less.
Fitting in hurts. Trying to fit into the images fed to us that are not truth but accepted by most to be normal is deeply abusive, disfiguring, cruel, harming to everyone, there is no security in trying to fit in only the irresponsibility of not living love.
“…for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” These words stood out for me, Adele – we are so much more than our outer appearance.
Yes we are so much more than our outer appearance and only our inner hearts can truly share with us who we truly are and how we feel within. The eyes will only reflect what they see and not what they feel if we are coming from our heads, and that is generally not a pretty or true picture as we are all equally gorgeous on the inside.
“our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” Our body communicates with us and will let us know when it is feeling discomfort or out of balance as we become more and more in touch with what we are feeling any slight disharmony can be felt. My experience has been if I continue to ignore the messages offered by my body they become more intense in the form of illness and disease. By learning to love and nurture my body and treat myself with tender love and care I am now able to feel what my body needs, this supports me to let go of patterns based on old ideals and beliefs.
The beliefs and ideals that we hold about how we “should be” in order to fit into life are literally killing us. Their purpose is to mould us into compliant puppets. The only way through this is to listen to our body, which actually have the answer. The body knows exactly what to do; it knows what feels comfortable and supportive and what doesn’t. It is up to us now to learn to work with the body because it is the body that holds the key to our evolution.
This is a powerful statement, Elizabeth and yes, we give power to the mind and it is our thinking that is slowly killing us. We cannot evolve by thinking, only by feeling. This has been a hard lesson for many of us but the possibilities to turn our lives around are limitless.
Well said Elizabeth. We really are pushing our bodies to their limits in today’s society, with complicated and common plastic surgery, intense diets and exercise programs and an enormous lack of love for ourselves due to our determination to meet up to an image or expectation that drives our body to be hard and protected. As you say, ‘The beliefs and ideals that we hold about how we “should be” in order to fit into life are literally killing us’.
Great blog Adele – what damage we cause ourselves through comparison and wanting to be anything other than we are, both energetically and physically as with shoes! I had somethings going no with my toes last year and chose to go through all my shoes and discard anything that did not feel good on them, in spite of my mind arguing the point of how much they had cost, how little they had been worn, plenty of life left in them etc.
My feet have loved this and now cannot bear to put up with anything that does not support them nor hurt the toes and feet. Self care is so lovely rather than being dictated to by what is acceptable in fashion.
What your sharing is so important – how often do we buy the wrong size bra – either too big because we want to fill it or too small because we want to suppress our breasts. Or jeans we know we used to fit into that we can’t throw away in case we fit in them again. We hold on to these ideals of beauty and the shape our body should be or could be, rather than accepting it for what it is.
So true Rebecca and some of things come down to cost. So we will buy an ill-fitting bra because it’s on sale etc. Our whole body is very worthy of being dressed in a manner that full supports the loveliness we are in the way that expresses us in whatever style and well fitting and supportive way that we choose. From head to toe we are so worth whatever it takes. And then we move in that and reflect this in all we do. What a day it will be when we all do this together, we will rock the earth.
I agree – and it doesn’t cost a fortune to dress nicely, look good and have clothes that fit well, it just takes time and dedication to look for those things
Very true Rebecca, in the past I would buy jeans one size too small in the hope that I would lose weight and they would fit me better. I would squeeze myself into them and wear them feeling totally uncomfortable, letting go of these false images I had of myself allows me to accept and appreciate my body shape and buy clothes and shoes that support me to be truly me.
Your example I am sure speaks for many – the little things we do that many wouldn’t realise we are doing but are habits created from insecurities and perceptions of ourselves that we so often don’t even think of challenging.
Yes self-acceptance is a perfect fit.
So true Rebecca, you have exposed what we all choose to do when we critic our body and go into comparison – for some it may be feet and for others it may be hips, waist, eyes, ear, legs etc. This is where we need to keep it simple and appreciate – appreciate all that we are and all that we reflect to the world.
Nowadays shoes or clothes have got to feel good from my body first before I even get to if I like it or not. I spent too many years walking around in shoes that hurt just a little, trying to get away with it, making it about what I looked like and not me. Honouring my feet or my body and there is a freedom to expand and express who I really am. Thank you Adele for sharing this.
Mary, this is so true, ‘Attending a workshop held by Serge Benhayon can actually give us all the answers to the questions that we all have about life and the universe.’ I used to be searching all over for answers; in books, in gurus, I travelled the world and never got the answers i was looking for and then attending one workshop with Serge Benhayon and everything clicked, it made sense and the answers were there and they were so simple.
Thanks for sharing Adele this is a wonderful blog. Our feet are a part of the whole body, and paying attention to these details makes a huge difference! Walking around all day, in a supportive pair of shoes that we chose from our Soul, will set us up for an awesome day thats for sure.
This is true Harry. We often neglect our feet and don’t appreciate just how vital it is to look after them, considering they are a part of our body that we use all the time! Dry skin, blisters, aches and cuts on our feet are markers that we need to seriously be taking more care of ourselves; just because most of the time they are hidden away in socks or shoes does not make them any less important.
Absolutely! Dry skin, blister, aches and cuts… yuk! But true all a sign that some attention is sorely needed..they do after all walk us around everywhere. It would be an interesting to see how people live and what their relationship with their feet is, it would reveal so much about how they walk, how they move and all of their patterns!
‘It would be an interesting to see how people live and what their relationship with their feet is, it would reveal so much about how they walk, how they move and all of their patterns!’ – I agree, it would be a great study to do. Our feet and their health are reflections of how we’ve been moving and walking each and every day, thus we could learn SO much from the quality of them.
Gorgeous Harry. Soles for the Soul 🙂 🙂
yes indeed Kathryn, nothing is more comfortable to wear on the feet then that!
We accept the strictures and judgments of others while they make some sort of sense but we finally wonder what is going on when comments from others make no sense at all, for example when we lose weight and feel great and others make judging comments.
Personally I have never liked shoes that make my toes feel squashed and would wear them for a short time but eventually they would have to come off, but I never considered how this was impacting on the rest of my body. But saying that I now realise that I must have noticed as my mood would change and there would be a huge sense of relief, maybe not only for my feet but the rest of my body also.
‘ I realised I had been living entrenched under the mercy of how the world thought of me, and I chose to stop.’ This is a very powerful message Adele. I too have given too much sway over what others may have thought about me and allowed my self to make choices based on that. Probably the most ridiculous thing about this is that I may have imagined what others were thinking and reacted to my imagination rather than reality! Deciding to stop the game and choosing to live from what feels true from within is completely liberating.
“Deciding to stop the game and choosing to live from what feels true from within is completely liberating”… I feel you are absolutely right Rachel, and in stopping playing the game allows others to stop playing the game too, if that is their choice, and if not it doesn’t matter because, whether in this lifetime or the next, everyone will stop playing the game and return to the truth of who they are.
The realization was when I began to say No to more and more things which dishonored my body, that sway as you mentioned rachelmurtagh1 evolved into a deeper solidity without critique or perfection. How we move differently (sway or solid), the thoughts that are allowed to enter us differ immensely.
Having recently had problems with first my left foot and then my right foot with unexplained pain (no injury) and a lot of swelling which baffled both the doctors and specialists alike. Over the 6 to 8 months that this was happening I could feel how I had walked contracted and unclaimed in who I was (for many lives) and that this was now coming out in my feet. So this sentence really resonated with me Adele, and I can feel this is what my feet were telling me. “Consequently, not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore.”
Injuries and illnesses give us an incredible heightened awareness of how we are with our bodies, and offer us the opportunity to take better care of ourselves. When we choose to ignore this, and continue our contraction and holding back it can really harm our bodies, as we’re fighting what our body is trying to tell us.
So true Susie it is the fight that keeps the contraction there. I can feel how I have fought the messages my body was trying to tell me, and allowing comfort to stay the same way, even though the pain was making things more difficult. Thank God my body keeps giving me the messages until I am willing to make the true changes.
It is quite amazing how our bodies just continue to reveal what are lived choices have been, whether that is from this life or the past. Walking and living in our grandness is so very key, it is not just about thinking about it, but living it in every breath we take and movement we make. Moving in away that feels loving and connecting to ourselves.
Wearing anything on our feet that is cramping tight or sore is not loving and even more than this I can now feel now how abusive this is, not only for our feet but to the rest of the body. Our feet carry us throughout the day so why would we not care for them and nurture them, no different to any other part of our body.
If my feet are not comfortable and supported I feel miserable. They are our foundation are worth nurturing. it’s not worth seeking an ideal image at the expense of our feet.
Me too Hartanne60, finding the right shoes that support me and make walking comfortable for me is a huge priority – there’s nothing worse than having ill fitting shoes which cause discomfort.
This is so true alisonmoir. I have worn shoes to fit the image or the specific colours I was wearing never taking into consideration the discomfort I chose to ignore for the rest of the day. Absolute abuse on my feet that in turn has a considerable effect on my posture and how I carried myself through the day.
The knock on affect is huge Natasa, it is true, our posture is compromised and we learn to walk in a certain way that does not support our well being. It is never worth carrying an ideal or an image about shoes that constrict our feet in any way.
Ballet slippers and tall stilettos must top the list for a ‘little hurt’ that you willingly chose that you get use too? How can, something that has to cause pain with every step, make you feel beautiful?
What you share here Steve I had a picture of a ballerina in full elegant pose – yet underneath that exterior portrayed visual beauty those feet (after years of hardening the feet) being crushed at every move and pivot all in the line of entertainment. For the after effects to be felt for a life time!
The same could be said for many other parts of our anatomy Marion… when something is too small we want it bigger, and when something is too big we want it smaller…! Oh, the whims of fashion. We put so much store on the outside appearance and forget what we are on the inside, and when that connection to the amazingness of us is felt, every tiny weeny part of our anatomy is adorable. Look at babies, from the tips of their toes to the tips of their fingers aren’t they just that, we don’t judge them for their chubby cheeks or knobbly knees we just love them for who they are.
This reminds me of a scene in a brilliant movie called ‘Fontaine’ by the genius director Otto Bathurst, where the contorted, abused, damaged feet of the ballerinas is shown in close-up before they are pushed into the ballet shoes with all imperfections hidden from view, teeth clenched and a smile masking the pain. Another spot on analogy for how things so often are under the surface of our seemingly ‘perfect’ exteriors.
I like what you have written here Steve ‘How can, something that has to cause pain with every step, make you feel beautiful?’ This is such a good point and shows the ridiculousness and how far we will go to act out our ideals and beliefs, and all in the name of fashion and art.
It’s bizarre isn’t it Julie. Pain has not one ounce of beauty.
So true Steve. There’s a saying about beauty and pain. True beauty has no ounce of pain in it though.
This is an interesting question which exposes the non-sense of fashion.
Great to bring it back to feeling and the ridiculousness of usurping our natural feeling to fit into an image.
I know!!! Crazy isn’t it. I once bought a pair of shoes with heels quite a bit higher than the flatties I usually wore (nearly always gone for comfortable shoes during my life). I decided to wear them to an interview which to get to I had to walk through a shopping centre – maybe a 10 minute walk. Within a few steps I had realised my mistake – I was in agony but then had to endure this for the entire walk there and back. I will never do that to myself again. Also didn’t get the job which is no surprise considering by the time I arrived I was completely contracted with the pain!
Great call Steve. The whole concept of suffering for beauty and fashion doesn’t make sense.
“…there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are…” Totally yes to this Adele, beauty is in the expression of all of our body.
That’s a gorgeous line Johanne, thank you for highlighting it . And well said.
Adele I was just reminded of so many images that we have taken on to do with fashion and our feet. I went to the podiatrist to get my insoles redone and my foot structure had changed. He makes a mould of your feet from plaster of paris. He commented on how I had Disney’s version of “Cinderella feet” (with the lost shoe at the strike of 12); and my feet fitted the image to a tee. I initially felt identified with this and felt grand.
However, the truth is that this image glorifies woman walking in contraction and being kept small.
We are so owned by images in life. And yet the grandness of who we are is simply the movement of our every step impulsed by the heart and the body, there is nothing to follow but a pure knowing of where to go.
Beautifully expressed Adele. It’s up to us to make the choice but this cannot be from our head, it has to come from our bodies – as you say, our movements. Choices made in the head don’t last and they are about maintaining individualism. Choices that come from our bodies are for brotherhood, unity, oneness – our movements hold the grandness and universality of our being.
Very interesting and inspiring Lucy when movement is what impulses us to make our next move in life and not thoughts. I am finding this very inspiring especially in my relationship with food.
Me too Adele. I have recently – in the past few weeks- been exploring this with food too. The key is the movements that come before – the source I choose to move from, either from the very truth and fiery essence of me or from the influences and reactions I may have from the world around me. The former bring complete simplicity and power to the next movement and then the next and then the next……..
“There will always be beautiful shoes around which are just a bit too small for me, and it is up to me to say “no”.” I have found myself at times saying yes to things be it shoes, clothing, food or any number of things to fit an image of what society says you should be this way, but what am I fitting into? All the truth and honesty we have comes from who we are ourselves and everyone has their own flavour and way that feels right for them, as their is no formula or picture that can match that power. Thank you Adele another fantastic blog.
Thank you Kelly for that awesome question – “what are we fitting into?” Often when shopping I’ll get something that I don’t absolutely love. Like a “that’ll do purchase” pretty much accepting less then what’s full.
Ah yes Emily the ‘that’ll do’ choice – where does the near enough is close enough attitude come from? When we are worth being cared for and honoured for as the Sons of God we are.
I work in a shop that sells much wanted styles of men’s sneakers, and the very common comments that are received from customers such as “ My feet are much smaller/bigger than the normal size for men” and I ask them what is the normal size for men? It shows that men are also imprisoned by pictures of what being “normal” and accepted as a man means, and there is rejection felt when they do not “fit in” to this picture, or into the shoes that they like. In my experience working here, commonly, men would purchase shoes that are larger for them rather than smaller. When a customer tries something he really likes, but the size is not right and he walks out of the shop, I secretly celebrate.
Good point Adele – the ideal picture that we are all trying to fit into (even if that picture is different for every person) doesn’t just apply to women
No-one is free form the imposition of the illusionary ideals and beliefs around how we look somehow defining us. Not men, not women and not children. It has been a journey for me to disentangle myself from these beliefs, but thanks to Women in Livingness and Universal Medicine I have begun and it has made an enormous difference to my self-esteem to start valuing myself for my innate beauty and not for the clothes or haircut I wear.
I agree Adele, this is not a man-woman thing, but rather a way people try to fit in and thus open themselves up to manipulation from peer groups, marketing and cultural normal. As you have said there is only one true expression and it comes from our connection to ourselves.
Yes great point you make here Adele. Everyone has their own image be it women, man or child, that they try to fit into. It is only when we express from who we truly are, that we can break theses momentums for good.
That is an interesting question you ask them – what is the normal size for men? This can be widened for everything – what is the normal size for women, for clothes, for food for a child ? Really, everyone is different and so there cannot be a ‘normal’ size.
Very interesting Adele! I love that you secretly celebrate, its all about the right fit too not just the style! SO many times I have gone for styles I think are right, because they are trendy but they don’t feel as good as the ones that are awesome and fit well as well as look great! Letting go of images of what I think it should like like really helps, and I’m often pleasantly surprised!
That’s so awesome Adele, to celebrate another when they have chosen to leave something behind which does not quite fit them. And as you say the ideals we all carry affect us in a myriad of ways and we measure ourselves against them rather than being who we truly are, it’s so great to have this aired and discussed, it affects so many areas of life.
How true this is Adele, we all hold images or pictures of what we feel we need to do to fit in, it’s something not unique to women and often quite evident in men as they try to fit the image of what it is to be a man.
Adele, I can join in your celebration because I’ve left behind this silliness of saying yes to shoes when my body says No.
” there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.”- So beautifully expressed Adele. Despite our physical appearance, what culture we are born into, the language spoken etc self acceptance and self appreciation of the essence of who we are and where we are from is paramount, and life changing.
I can relate to the hiding, the quiet voice the not wanting to be noticed, gradually as I feel and claim more of myself , I am able to come out in the open and reveal more of me and what I bring to the world Thank you Adele “for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.”
Absolutely Adele… There is no greater beauty that to accept and express the greatness that we are… and yet desperately sad that it is not familiar to us that we can actually live not expressing this greatness and even accept less. I love that you are taking steps to discard the poisonous beliefs that stand in the way, one pair of shoes at a time.
Adele, thank you for your blog – this part in particular struck me: “therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being”. This is indeed a powerful thing to realise.
Hi Adel – I love the reflection offered here – ‘My feet, just like any part of my body deserve to be truly expressed, therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being’ – God is communicating with us always and the love in the communication is so full. Your awareness and openness to feeling what has been offered is gorgeous. Thank you for sharing.
Adele, thank you for sharing your story through your experience of your shoes. This seemingly small and overlooked subject is incredible the underlying non – truth it exposes in us. In stead of choosing to connect to our selves what will support in our walk through life, we look to the outside. We would for ever then walk to the expression of our greatness or suppression.
I have noticed that the more I Love and nurture myself in everyday life the more the ‘things’ around that I live with, wear, use, need to fit the purpose and be supportive. I am feeling also that less is more, in the sense that I have let go of a whole lot of ‘stuff and ‘things’ that I have hoarded, bought that at one point or another I thought I needed, and it is feeling brilliant to have more space and only buy what is required and is truly supportive.
I am currently becoming more aware of ways that I have held myself back, because of my attachment to cultural ideals and behaviours. I have chosen them, it is not a matter of me just feeling pressured, some of been ‘easy’ ploys to hide behind in my bid not to stand out, or a way of making excuses for not living my full potential. Being more aware of the ways I have held back has been illuminating and allowed me to let go of self imposed chains that have prevented me from stepping out and expressing myself more fully.
What an astounding quote “Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” It is true and something to appreciate, because the more we connect with our inner heart, the less sway all the cultural pressures that we once hung on to melt away and so the truth of what we feel to express stands strong, stable and full of light.
Yes, we choose to hold onto cultural ideals and beliefs to hide behind because without them, we would be showing all those who are still held by cultural and national ideals what it is to live without the separating and divisive influence of culture and nationality and consequently more readily able to embrace and understand all equally.
“Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” Beautifully expressed and claimed Adele.
For different reasons I’ve come to appreciate that having the shoes that feel right (which in my case is to have a pair that is a little oversized when compared with the shopkeepers ideal) is what feels right. Having some extra space down there in some supports me having a bit more space everywhere!
“I wanted to grow taller or have smaller feet, anything but just being me” – I can so relate to this, I think a huge percentage of people (women in particular) are constantly on the search for how to ‘improve’, but underneath that is a baseline of comparing to what we think other people have better than us, and also not valuing what we have ourselves.
Very good point Marika – we could see it as coming back to intentions – if our intention is always to put ourselves first, before the ideal that we need to meet, then the choice is very simple.
Shoes are one of the most difficult things I find to shop for. To find shoes that have a heel, are elegant, and support your feet are almost impossible. Maybe Adele as a designer you could design some shoes that are stylish and loving to the feet. I would definitely be your customer:)
Yes we do need stylish shoes that also support the foot and body to the max. They can be found but are usually more expensive and not that easy to find. Once you have tried a great pair that feels great and looks awesome, then it feels awful to go back to a cheap pair that does not support the foot! No turning back, I say, and they are well worth the price!
Essentially we can see this (the cost of good supportive shoes) as an investment in our own wellbeing – taking care of our feet and given them the attention that they deserve is no different to caring for the food that we put in our bodies as fuel.
There’s something about this word “familiarity” that keeps us bound to old patterns..
‘subtly and insidiously, I keep coming back to the familiarity of holding back.”
Agreed, we can fall back in ‘familiarity’, simply because it is familiar and we can tell ourselves we fear change / reawakening. I know some times when I claim myself more fully it can feel naturally awesome, at other times I feel I have learnt something new and expanded my understanding of myself and life, and I can wobble. I can turn back to what I think is familiar and yet it is a critical time to observe, hold myself in understanding and be accepting of what has come up. Great to be aware of this habit, and see how this has lessened as I commitment more to staying in full connection and presence.
Well said, Irena – We choose the familiarity of that which we have used to keep us small over that which will allow us to live closer to our potential and offer true support and inspiration to others.
A very telling article Adele, showing how much we can give in to playing small and holding back. I know this all too well, and of late it has been very revealing to me as to when, where, how and why this energy plays out in my life. It is taking a dedicated love of self to out it when ever I feel it, as I had made it such an inground way of living, that it has affected every aspect of my life. Knowing and now honoring that, in truth there is no room for this way of living in my life any longer is a great support, as I now live the process of completely eliminating it.
Adele I love your blogs – they are gorgeous to read. You express with an incredible amount of honesty, and reading about your perspective, experiences and learnings throughout your life is something I appreciate and treasure. Thank you for consistently contributing your wisdom to this site and other blog sites.
“So in every aspect of expression, holding back has been normal and familiar for me in life..” It’s amazing how we, humanity as a whole, have accepted holding back what we truly feel as being ‘normal’. When said in this way it exposes how insane this is. What we have are billions of people walking around feeling one thing but acting out something completely different in order to fit in with almost everyone else doing the same. How much simpler and more honest it would be if we were all expressing the truth of what we feel and who we are. No second-guessing, no manipulative games, just one humanity expressing openly with a willingness to be exposed and evolve from there. And the beauty of this is that we don’t have to wait for anyone else to start doing this – we can go right ahead and live this future for all right now.
So many beautiful pondering in this blog, Adele. I agree that culture, religion and nationality must not define us as we all come from the same sacred essence.
Well said Anne, life is rich and satisfying when we simply live ourselves, and not what another is telling us to be.
In the past I have worn extremely high heals to go out dancing and been in so much pain by the end of the night that I could no longer wear the shoes (despite being numb from alcohol and drugs) and I would walk home or carry on dancing bare foot. Now, although I still wear heals I’m very careful not to wear them longer than my body allows.
My relationship with shoes has not been a good, I would buy shoes because of ‘the look’ regardless of whether they felt comfortable or not. If the size was not quite right I convinced myself that the shoes would stretch and give but they never did. I would end up suffering in pain and overiding this feeling as I had spent so much money on the shoes and I liked how they looked. I recently went through my shoes and had to get rid of so many pairs that I had lived in on the past because I could feel how they did not support me and felt so uncomfortable to wear.
Adele, I can relate to so much of what you describe, I would compare myself to what I perceived beauty to be which were the ever rotating images of fashion and magazines. The waif look, the curvy look etc., and I would never match up. I always knew there was more to beauty than the external facade as I could feel it. I knew beauty came from within but it was not until I met so many students of the way of the livingness that I truly understood how beauty emanates from within.
The levels of abuse I’m noticing in myself are constantly changing. I used to religiously wear a hairband around my wrist and when I would take it off it would live a bright red indent in my arm. I am now far more aware of this and noticed when I do let it happen that is a reflection of the way I have been living.
The older the pattern, the more familiarized we are with it and it can be difficult at times to become aware of it. What you share, Adele, shows how powerful is what Serge Benhayon presents, it never stops deepening our love.
I agree Felix, the older the pattern, the more difficult it can be to shift. It takes a deep dedication to ourselves, a commitment to our love and the love we hold for all to begin to open and feel where and how our patterns are affecting us, and from there, hold ourselves in the grace needed as we begin to adjust these patterns.
I agree Marika, I walk around a lot in my day job and being comfortable is important but there have been times when I have worn the wrong shoes because they look good or go with an outfit only to find that my feet are very unhappy with my choice for most of the day. And like you have said it does affect the quality of our day.
Shoes that don’t fit, but we still keep them because of some emotional or financial reason. Then you get the comfortable old shoes that we keep that no longer support us but once again we don’t let go. Are shoes just a reflection of our relationships with others?
Ohh Steve, ouch. Yes here too can be a reflection on the greater part of our lives. Your comment has given me a moment to pause and consider how my shoe choices reflect on my life.
Definitely I can relate to keeping and wearing shoes because of a certain emotional attachment and when I truly feel into this, no matter how much I liked these shoes, jthey just do not feel supportive anymore and I have discarded them.
This is definitely a topic I can relate to having recently been shoe shopping only to find that most of them are extremely uncomfortable. These days I am finding that when I really want to wear a particular pair of shoes and after about 10 minutes I have to take them off if there is the slightest bit of discomfort, whereas in the past I would have persevered and suffered – it’s just not worth it.
Its funny you should bring that up Julie – it reminds me I still have a couple of pairs in the cupboard that look fantastic, but I know that if I wear them for more than an hour my feet ache. I keep them because they ‘look good’, but my body is quite clearly telling me that they do not support me.
Adele I can relate to what you say here. I grew up with a skinny tall body and bigger feet than all of my friends. I so wanted to be shorter and I wanted my feet to be smaller. I used to stoop and wear shoes that were too small for me. I just wanted to fit in and not stand out. As I have grown older I have embraced my height, and my feet are in good proportion with the rest of me. It feels wonderful to accept my body as it is and work on claiming the whole of me, feet and all!
I feel quite uncomfortable reading your lines Adele while I can (have to) relate to what you share. And I realize that my thoughts don’t want to give up on the shoes – I love my shoes. But the question does rise: do I love them more then me or my body? I would say ‘No’ but I can’t because I have and wore those undersized shoes – which proof the opposite. Ouch. But what can I learn here? I bought a lot of shoes (and other clothing) which was not needed and/or not fitting very well – but so beautiful….and I can realize that I bought this things to fill an empty place I created by not appreciating the beauty of my natural being, did not honor who I am, not see the huge beauty I carry.
I started already to bring a change here and can share: with appreciation of myself in my everyday living, the right (beautiful and fitting) shoes and clothing comes to me and celebrate my beauty. Honor raised to higher power.
Exquisite honesty and surrendering to love and evolution Sandra. I feel your delicateness and femininity in your expression that no ill-fitting shoes or clothes can ever hope to bring.
Yes I agree. Such a sweet contribution you bring here Sandra.
‘My feet, just like any part of my body deserve to be truly expressed, therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.’ The truth of this is felt in my body and the next time I will go shoe shopping this is my marker, it is not just about honouring but about expression.
The more we shop with this awareness, the more designers will need to consider what we are really asking for and buying.
We have a situation where our fashion does not support us in many ways, because we have paid the high price and bought it!
Just like you Adele I had an issue with my feet since childhood, they seemed to be too wide to wear the shoes I liked and just like you I put my feet in shoes that were too small. This caused me a lot of pain but I accepted that as part of looking good and yes you never knew whether they would fit perfectly in the end, which they never did. I still have trouble to find shoes that will give enough space to all my toes and at the same time look great (without pictures coming in how this should look like), the combination is not easy to find but it feels important to honour every part of my body. My whole body is grateful to me for wearing shoes that fit, so I can walk gracefully.
Wearing supportive shoes is key to how we express. I recently wore some very uncomfortable shoes because I thought I wanted to be tall that day and make my legs look even longer. But having read this blog and the comments I am now more willing to be honest and say that I didn’t want to have my feet feeling connected to the ground. I didn’t want to be in my body when I was going to meet a particular person and this was a really good way to ensure that. it was really difficult to walk and I found myself tensing up a lot and then worrying I would fall over. It created an anxiety, that was actually already there. Our choices of shoes say so much about how we are choosing to relate to the world.
“… they were quite pointy and the tip of my feet felt capped and therefore the whole of my body did not feel fully spacious.” I had never really considered before to this level of detail that the fit of a shoe would impact the rest of the body, but it’s certainly something I will bring awareness to with my current shoes and the next pair of shoes I buy!
Me neither Angela. Sure I’ve felt how tight shoes affect my movements but never taken it to the next level of awareness and felt how my entire being and expression is a constricted as my toes. Same goes for anything we wear that does not fit – it’s a dishonouring and in complete disregard of who we truly are. Pretty irresponsible isn’t it.
I am very grateful for Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and others for bringing the awareness to me that I have been holding back my true love and power and not judging me for it but making me understand I have a responsibility not just to myself but to a world and a universal order I am part of.
Holding back has become a second nature that I am willing to let go of as it serves no one. If we would stop holding back, accept ourselves as the powerful women we are, accept other women equally so, much in this world would change and rapidly so.
In dutch there is a saying ‘if you want to be beautiful it is has to hurt’ and I think even though we might not go to extremes this ideal is very interwoven in the fashion industry. It is almost saying ‘to look beautiful you have to be willing to feel a little uncomfortable’. But as you are saying this actually does not make sense, wearing something that is uncomfortable impacts how we feel in and with ourselves. It is about to be willing to let ourselves be seen in full and uncapped version.
This is collusion on the grandest scale. All lined up with our heads in the sand, refusing to look around and see that beauty is not what we see on the outside, but the expression of our divinity which shines from the inside out. There is nothing about this that hurts. It’s magnificent to feel and witness.
Great comment Lieke, and this belief system has been prevalent for hundreds of years – corsets that made women pass out they were so tight, ‘binding’ women’s feet in China, and to me high heels look a little like an implement of torture!
Very true Simon and in the past I just thought of those things to be normal, not for me but just the way it is. It was only when I started to care more for myself that I became aware of the impact uncomfortable clothes can have on my feeling of wellbeing and ease in life. If you feel that, a corset or too small shoes are not an option even though I may like the look of it, it is not worth it.
“therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” This is great wisdom you share Adele, thank you.
Yes Katinka, that line really stood our for me also – what we do to one part, we do to the whole. Profound and simple wisdom to live by.
It shows what we can do to ourselves when we have been feed that one part is more or less than another part. I was told growing up that I had fat wide feet like my Dad, so I took that as I had man looking feet and that they weren’t feminine, so I have always felt uncomfortable wearing very open sandal shoes. Time to let that story go.
Thank you Adele. Your story shows how we squeeze and restrict ourselves to conform to our beliefs of how we think we should look and how this harms us and holds us back from appreciating and accepting ourselves just as we are. When we strive to fix our physical body to conform to an ideal we lose connection to the beauty that is our natural essence.
“When we strive to fix our physical body to conform to an ideal we lose connection to the beauty that is our natural essence.” Wise and astute words Mary. For in truth there is nothing about us that needs fixing. Parts that need healing perhaps, but healing takes us towards our divine essence not away from it a fixing does.
Absolutely Mary. And what a loss that is.
Stunning comment Mary. We are constantly denying connecting to the true beauty we innately are… harming ourselves and others as we perpetuate the false ideals and images we are fed as to what beauty is, whilst denying the world a true reflection of beauty free of these illusionary prisons.
Thank you Adele for your blog, I can relate to what you are saying about big feet, I have big feet too, at least that is how I perceived them to be when I was growing up, but I am quite tall so relative to my height they are perfect! But trying telling that to a shy, awkward teenager who squeezed herself into pointy cowboy boots at the age of 17 and ended up with bunions! Now I love my feet, I treat them gently, put cream on them at night and love painting my toenails, and all my shoes (and I have many pairs!) are comfy AND trendy and now-a-days my attention has turned to whether my socks are too tight….
“I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” Absolutely Adele peeling back another layer of what is not true allows us to expand into our natural way of being. Beautifully grand and expressing in full, so much to appreciate. Thank you.
Many of us get brought up and live holding back without realizing we are doing that. When I first heard the term, I thought ‘not holding back’ was about being extrovert, being loud. But what I have been learning is that when we hold back what we are holding back is our true essence so we could be expressive but in a completely wrong energy, and in that we are still holding back no matter how loud and gobby one can be – so it is in the way we speak, we move, we think, as we are a vehicle for true light to be expressed through.
Which again confirms beautifully Fumiyo how damaging it is to live with pictures fed to us, it is absolutely anti-evolutionary.
Fumiyo, I thought that this was what ‘holding back’ was too, and when I realised what it truly meant I was staggered at the level I was holding back, in fact still am holding back, in almost everything I do, and not being who I truly am hurts not only me, but everybody on this planet and beyond… so it’s a good job we’ve got Universal Medicine to guide us on the way home and show us all how we are much more than what we think we are.
Great point Fumiyo. Expression is everything and the quality in which we express is everything too. Trying to express in a certain way or just letting it all hang out and/or emoting doesn’t work – it leaves us feeling wanting even though there can be some short term relief or excitement. Being connected to our essence, allowing ourselves to express from our essence allows for a true expression of our light and love in the world.
I used to question what it means to be holding back, what does not holding back look like? I realized there is no picture to follow, every woman that felt to me to be not holding back in an instance was only a part of the big picture to this answer, but it is not the whole. The whole can only be realized by myself in the every step I make and the every breath I breathe, the steps I have taken like in this story, that allowed a stop or at times going back a few steps even, to coming back to moving in a different quality, every moment is building into the whole of life and back to the fullness of what is the shining worth and value of women. In fact, the whole picture of what is the worth of women can only be realized when every single woman on earth walks with their absolute worth and holds this absolutely , without perfection, in life.
I relate to that Fumiyo, not holding back as a women brought up picture of women who made themselves heard and were imposing what they felt important to others. Just another picture to let go of. Holding back has become a second nature to women, but our first nature is much stronger and there for us to connect to instantly. We women have so much to share and the world is in need of all of it.
Beautiful Fumiyo, ‘But what I have been learning is that when we hold back what we are holding back is our true essence’, this is very lovely, I didn’t truly understand what ‘holding back’ meant, but can feel from your comment that when I hold back for me I am holding back my sweetness, delicateness, gentleness and playfulness, this makes much more sense of the term ‘holding back’ and makes it very practical for me.
The list is endless in the many ways can we all find to self sabotage in the name of fitting what we have perceived to be an ideal image. Just as you have found with your shoes that are too small – it hurts!! There is so much for us to express and appreciate about ourselves yet we gather years of experience and use huge amounts of energy to focus on just a few points where we feel we are lacking. Thanks for sharing Adele. It’s great that people are naming and talking about these sorts of behaviours in blogs such as these.
Gone are the days Helen, when I tried to squeeze myself into tight shoes, bras and skinny jeans, now it is all about comfort… well not quite, I still like to look good, but not at the expense of my body or trying to attract male attention or to suit someone else. Now I dress for me and am enjoying every moment. As I write this it reminds me of the days in Victorian times when women used to squeeze themselves in corsets…. ouch.
shoes too small do hurts indeed and the lack of acceptance towards ourselves and/or part of our bodies hurt even more. It is really crazy all the ideals of beauty and images we try to live up to – and such a liberation when we start to see that they are just that (ideals and images) and choose to let them go. True beauty comes from within and emanates out – no need for particular body shape, size or cinderella feet!
This is gold Helen, “There is so much for us to express and appreciate about ourselves yet we gather years of experience and use huge amounts of energy to focus on just a few points where we feel we are lacking.” So well expressed and a revolution for what is true psychology.
It says a lot about the way we are in the world, that we put great emphasis on the size and shape of our feet and not the quality in which we step. If we did this, how could we ever lacerate or attempt to raise them artistically? How could we bind and deform the very things we need to walk our way step by step back to Love? For every step we take adds up to the world we see.
And every step we take Joseph, reverberates down to the core of the earth and up to the Universe and the stars… what a responsibility it is to honour every step we take, and every move that we make.
I so agree with your comment Sandra – and I often verbalize my appreciation of my feet for being there constantly supporting me, providing a foundation to stand upon for all of our life even if we have been in disregard and self abuse type behaviours in the past – our feet have always been there to carry us. In years gone by it certainly was not a priority to appreciate myself or that which I bring to this earth, but this is something that I have become more in awareness of since becoming a life-time student of The Way of the Livingness as shared by Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine presentations – where loving offerings, and the Ageless Wisdom teachings showed me that indeed there is another way.
Beautifully said Joseph, “How could we bind and deform the very things we need to walk our way step by step back to Love?” It’s interesting how much emphasis is put on the look and size of our feet so our steps reflect that instead of the beauty and grace of heaven on earth in our every step.
Love this Adele as it has me, not only looking at the shoes I have squeezed myself into in the past, but also the many beliefs that I took on from an early age of what a woman should be; a very painful process without exception, for to be anything we are not, to try to do anything that is not true and to fit into shoes clothes etc that do not fit us, always has an uncomfortable consequence.
It doesn’t make sense does it Ingrid, that many of us wear tight clothes and shoes to make ourselves smaller, whilst others wear shoulder pads, padded bras and pants (yes they do exist!) and high heels to make ourselves bigger! Maybe it’s time to accept who we truly are, whatever size and shape, and appreciate what we have whilst we still have it!
Agreed Sandra – there is far to much of this going on as people try to fit themselves into an outer image of beauty and not enough acceptance, honouring and expression of the true beauty that lies within.
Padded pants? wow haven’t heard of those. Now is definitely the moment to accept, appreciate and honour all that we are. We all have the equal divine essence within us… no matter what shape or size.
Just had to mention… I love shoes. Our feet are so precious, and mine will not allow me to place them into any uncomfortable confined space these days.
Me too Victoria, being able to wiggle my toes at the end of my shoes is pure heaven, and my toes get to love it too because they get to have blood circulating and not turning numb like the old days when ‘winkle pickers’ were in fashion 🙂
Mine either Victoria, my feet feel very uncomfortable and squished in the shoes I have been wearing. Mine hasn’t been because I need to wear smaller shoes, it’s more been a self-worth issue of ‘they will do’. They will not do anymore… my feet and whole body deserves the space it needs to express.
Beautiful discovery Aimee, it means you are feeling you and what love is calling for.
How often do we settle for..”that will do”. We are and have so much more to offer. It is like we are too afraid to see and feel just how much more! So it is safer for us to choose to stay small.
What I can’t understand is so many women’s shoes are not comfortable. After all this time and the technology we have, you think we would have started to look at how we can make fine, delicate, stylish, comfortable and supportive shoes by now but I guess too many of us just put up with shoes being not quite right instead of asking for this.
Yes MW, we are not asking for this… and we are not paying attention or considering that how our feet touch the ground as we walk impacts energetically on everyone.
I love how it feels when we put on truly supportive shoes. I recently bought an expensive pair of running shoes and was asked what type of running I would be doing by the shop assistant and she was quite surprised when I said I was getting the shoes for general everyday use and she wanted so sell a less supportive pair instead. When I put them on I could feel how incredible they felt and could barely take them off after I had bought them.
It is lovely to buy supportive foot wear. After attending a couple of presentations by Serge Benhayon, I starting thinking about self-care and realised that I was wearing cheap shoes that were not supporting my feet at all. I went out an invested in some comfy but stylish footwear and never looked back!
True Fiona. I’ve found for a few years now that if I am going to be walking a few miles for one reason or another then I’d rather have the trainers on in spite of the fact that this may not be the ideal fashion statement. When I come bouncing back in, with no aches and pains, it simply confirms a great choice.
Very cool Fiona. I am inspired. I have had a favourite pair of ‘super soft’ casual shoes, which I have almost worn out so almost time for some new ones…
I love this too fiona. In the past my feet suffered for fashion, not now. I love the way my feet feel when lovingly supported in a pair of comfortable shoes. And like you I have a pair of lovely trainers I wear for work and every day.
I love shoes too Victoria, and comfort for me definitely doesn’t mean that heels are a thing of the past. What it means is that I take my time when purchasing each pair – sometimes even taking them to the “shoe doctor” to soften new shoes for me a little, rather than “wearing them in”.
Wow, I haven’t heard of the shoe doctor but this sounds great. Thanks for the tip.
You’re welcome 😉 Any shoe-repair place should be able to help you out.
Our shoes are like our second feet. We can choose to walk our own steps, or in a way that inhibits them…
This is a far more deeply loving offering to our feet than to suffer through wearing them in. Compromise is just not an option when it comes to being loving towards ourselves.
True Samantha, when we compromise we settle for less and in doing so confirm ourselves as less.
I also love shoes, however I have fallen into the trap of wanting them to be smaller ..”all reflect that a lack of self-worth is normal, if not expected of myself. This was the picture of how being a woman should be in my growing up.” I was not aware that this was a possible reason why.
Me too Victoria 🙂
Too funny, Victoria I love shoes too. And I would buy them no matter how uncomfortable. It is kinda like giving up chocolate but it is easy to do once you truly honour how harming it is to you.
Yes, Victoria- I have only just recently understood the meaning of “our feet are so precious”. I have delicate, small contracted feet with high instep, and dropped arches.
I see a podiatrist regularly to remove recurring corns and callouses across the ball of my foot. I need to wear specific insoles in my shoes to support my gait. It is difficult to find well fitted shoes in my size, so I need to pay particular attention to how my feet feel. In placing importance on the care of my feet, I now walk not contracted and am starting to rediscover the greatness within me which I no longer wish to hide, in my walk.
Yes, when you think of the work our precious feet do it inspires me to appreciate them even more. I can feel the loving care you are bringing to yours and how that supports you to walk the true you. Bringing this care and attention to every part of us really makes such a difference. Beautiful.
While sitting on a city bench the other day I was watching the passing parade of men and women walking by. It was fascinating to observe all the different walks we have. I was observing a beautiful woman in shoes that were ill fitting with very very high heals and watching what it was doing to her whole bodily frame as she walked. The struggle and tension this caused her was so easy to feel. Then there was a young girl in runners and the ease of movement was remarkably different. So many images we try to live up to can completely sever our inner connection to the truth of our bodies. Without an inner connection we are not able to support our true expression.
I watch young women walking with their very high heels and I agree, their body posture looks awkward and their walk doesn’t flow with ease, couple that with the women who are groundshakingly heavy on their heels when they walk passed (which hurts) it makes me realise just how disconnected people are from their feet and how it hurts their bodies.
Beautifully expressed Victoria, “Without an inner connection we are not able to support our true expression.” Sadly our inner connection and true expression is not something that is encouraged, fitting in and being accepted is. We have a long way to go to change this ill normality, yet there are many who are on their way inspiring the way.
Yes Laura, sometimes we simply need a reflection, a loving reminder to bring our awareness back to our bodies and how they feel when we make certain choices. It is all there when we listen, and for me that is ever deepening.
Choosing fashion over the fullness of us. It is crazy when it is exposed so clearly. Subscribing to any outer image, and they’re everywhere, really only ever leads us further from ourselves.
I agree Victoria. It is really crazy that we “suffer for beauty”! What kind of beauty is it we are aiming for that allows self abuse, pain and self negation and treats this as normal?
Yes Michelle819, but as Adele so aptly exposes, we only allow ourselves to suffer for beauty, because we hold beliefs that that is what we deserve – through our lack of self-worth, not feeling good enough, holding back, etc. When we can identify and begin to relinquish these beliefs, we feel the beauty that they were smothering, a beauty that does not require any suffering to obtain, but simply shines from within.
Great question Michelle.
Yes it is not truly beauty we are aiming for, it is an image we have subscribe to, as we have not connected to the loveliness of ourselves just as we are..before we adorn ourselves with any piece of clothing.
Victoria, this needs to be on the front page of all magazines,”Choosing fashion over the fullness of us.” When will we wake up to this truth?
It is about us living the true beauty we are and reflecting it in our own lives.
Agreed Irena, this would make a great front page story. Lucky we have the Women’s in Livingness Magazine who would happily post such a title.
Awesome comment Victoria, you reminded me of a heavily laced cotton top I had which looked great on but the rigidity of it around my chest and arms when I tried to wear it left me feeling like I couldn’t breathe fully. I felt that I was crushing or constricting my natural fullness, openness and spaciousness so chose to discard it. I kept it in my wardrobe for a while as I ‘loved’ it and didn’t want to let it go, however even that wasn’t so great because each time I saw it I was reminded of the constriction in my chest.
Choosing clothes that feel great on works better for me now, I am finding when they feel great they and I naturally look great.
Great example Jeanette, I have also had pieces of clothing that look great but feel awful. They become a distraction and irritation that takes us away from ourselves as you say.
It’s the modern day version of binding our feet, wearing corsets and other such practises when we choose to restrict ourselves in garments that alter our shape and look. Torture.
True Kylie, the extent that holding to an image ill configures us is a kind of prison we walk in to. Wow, it is quite a stop when we truly feel that…. and yet we are so very beautiful in our natural unbounded expression.
I used to wear clothes to hide my body and reflect to the world that I was unattractive and not worth it. Thanks to the inspiration of Natalie Benhayon I no longer feel this way. She has inspired me to review how I feel about myself and make changes to how I am living that then shifts how I feel about myself.
Beautiful MW, I am sure there isn’t a women who couldn’t relate to what you share; whether we dress ourselves down because we don’t want to be seen or dress ourselves up looking for something outside of ourselves. True contentment in who we are has not been the norm. What a blessing we owe Natalie and Serge Benhayon for showing us there is another way.
I agree MW, Natalie Benhayon is a very inspiring woman.
Very true Victoria. I have horror stories of the pain I have inflicted upon myself in the past – all in the name of looking a certain way – in complete disregard of my body and the beauty I hold within it.
We have all been there in one way or another, and when we now see another woman or man making unwise choices in disregard to the preciousness of their bodies it is then with understanding we see the situation. It may not be shoes, but clothes or relationships or anything else that we seek to limit ourselves or to fit in, that we have subscribed to images that have us under their hold. The world is us, we are the world, everything we see that is not truth but have been accepted as normal we too have had a part in making it so, judgment has never truly changed anything, but reflecting the quality of love and the worth we hold for ourselves will.
Each part of our body is a part of the whole and so as we value each part so we value the whole. What I love about our feet is that is where we put our soles of our feet on the earth to ground and connect to who we are which are souls on the earth experiencing life to accept and appreciate ourselves as universal souls – a part of the whole.
As much as it feels strange but it is true that there is a lot of getting used to living on earth as a human being, and this process as I have realized with this experience and many other experiences, is to simply express and express deeper what it is that we have chosen as humankind to be normal is actually far from the truth. That does take every bit of commitment and presence in every aspect of life to have our two feet and whole body on the ground as we only have this body to communicate what needs to be truly expressed and that is the universality of truth.
I love that Susan, soles of the feet… souls on the earth, it can’t be made any clearer than that can it! Our feet are our earthly connection through our soles, from our soul in heaven.
This is beautiful it makes sense!
Very revealing comment Sandra. I have contracted small feet, revealing to me that I have not wanted to full claim all of me and have chosen to stay small and hidden in life. Time to make different choices.
This is very revealing, having to take in the ALL., with no exceptions.
I have noticed recently, though being in a Sacred Movement Group how much more I am connection with my feet and feeling them touch the floor, when I stand and walk. They feel foundational and supportive, and part of me I claiming myself. I have noticed that I have had a habit of rolling my feet out and resting on the outer sides when I am feeling ‘smaller’ or ‘anxious’, this choice takes me further away from being connected with myself. Being aware of this small movement and choosing to place my feet equally steady and fully on the floor has allowed me to really support and nurture my inner connection, my relationship with my soul. It feels like a commitment to live in this life as the divine being that I am. Feet steady, knowing who I am.
This is beautiful Susan and brings a far depth to this humble part of our body that we often take for granted. It is such a beautiful thing to walk bare-footed on the grass – the warmth and connection of this is felt right though the whole body.
Your blog Adele brings a deeper appreciation of my/our feet. They are such an important foundation, supporting the quality with which we walk through life. It would be impossible to walk in the fullness we are if we are restricting or holding back any part of us. Every choice reflects our relationship with ourselves, how supportive. Thank you.
“Every choice reflects our relationship with ourselves’ and every choice reflects our alignment. It either reflects our alignment to truth or our alignment to what is not true and that alignment then goes a long way to ensuring that we stay aligned to the consciousness that it connects us to.
Your blog has inspired me to go shoes shopping without any images of what shoes to buy but to find shoes that celebrate who I am, to go by how I feel instead of how I should look.
Having fallen for shopping for beauty and done so at the expense of my feet, I will no doubt remember this article the next time I go shoe shopping and not settle for anything less than something that supports and celebrates who I am without compromise.
How different would we all look if we let our bodies go clothes/shoe shopping rather than our heads. I feel that there would be a sense of freedom and expression that we don’t currently see or feel in the way that we dress. There would be lots of men who would be calling for a much more feminine range of clothes and it would break down the rather stereotypical way that men and women tend to dress at the moment. In places like Indonesia and India the men wear sarongs (skirts) but if we saw a man wearing a sarong in the CBD then he’d really stand out and most of us would assume that he was gay.
I love your blog Adele. It is great timing to read your blog. I have been pondering on why I wear the shoes I wear. When reflect back to when I go shoes shopping I am mostly driven by price and comfort. Comfort of flat shoes as I used to find high heels hurt my feet. But then I recently reflected on what does that mean? From reading your blog I feel to allow myself to ponder perhaps I feel uncomfortable to walk and stand talk hence why I resort to flat shoes.
This conversation all started with the awareness Adele bought to feet, and the level of abuse we layer upon ourselves, others and the world in general. If we get the picture that images are ruling our world and we are compromising our whole being trying to adjust to each other’s expectations. How confusing …. If we all said yes and listened to our own body we would start to get true reflections not false images.
Images do rule our being if we allow them and in trying to fulfill them, we absolutely compromise ourselves and our true expression, denying the world a true reflection of the power in accepting and expressing the greatness we are naturally free from images.
We are the moment by moment expression of God, to hold onto or to be any kind of picture is like poking a stick into the wheel of a moving bicycle, it puts us into freeze frame. Pictures stunt and cause stagnation to something that would otherwise flow freely.
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.” This has come up for me recently, but more from believing men are the leaders or valuable ones, and that women don’t go ahead or shine more brightly. It’s great exposing all the different pictures we have and simply choosing love.
For me this is about love and self care, will we choose to simply love and care for ourselves unconditionally, or live in comparison and disregard?
“Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” How beautifully expressed Adele, I love it, it expands my body as I read it. The truth in these words is palpable, yes we do have such an innate greatness within us, and we need to express this greatness to the best of our ability, so others can learn that they too have this equal greatness within them. If I hold back on expressing this, then others do not have the benefit of this great learning. The man-made ideals we carry from childhood can so inhibit us from the connection with our innermost we need to let them go, so we can access this greatness that we all are.
We put the brakes on our own greatness, it’s as simple as that. ‘Our’ greatness is not ‘our’ greatness, it is the vast greatness of God that comes through us and out into the world. We can align to that greatness through our movements or we can align to the false trappings of our spirit through our movements. And unfortunately our world is currently aligned to the consciousness of our spirit which keeps us almost solely focused on our own individuality.
A great subject you have brought up here, Adele, I can so relate to this one. I too have always had big feet, and have been very sensitive about that fact. Especially at school, I always felt different to the other girls, my feet were bigger than most of them, other than the naturally much bigger girls. I always felt as if I did not fit in. And my feet were especially sensitive, they rubbed very easily into blisters, if the shoes did not fit really well, and I could not wear the flat simple shoes that other girls could wear that just slipped on easily, unless they had a strap over the instep, or had a tie, as I had narrow heels and the back of the shoe would ride up and down and create horrible blisters that were very painful. So I always took longer to put my shoes on, they either had to be tied or a buckle had to be done up. My father used to tell me that ‘I had a great grip on the ground’, which made me feel worse at the time. Funny, in a way that such a silly little thing had me feeling so much less than other girls. But I felt different. I thought I had grown out of this feeling that I was different to other women, but the other day, as I visited the Universal Medicine clinic, I realised there is still a smidgen of that feeling there, when I placed my shoes on the rack outside the front door. My shoes looked much bigger than the other women’s style shoes that were sitting there, the fact that I noted this stood out for me. But it no longer really bothers me, I know that we are all equal, it is not my outer body that is important, other than that it reflects the beautiful being within me, and when I put my shoes there, I can smile, remembering my father’s saying, yes, ‘I do have a good grip on the ground’,, my feet are not me, and now I always buy comfortable shoes that I enjoy walking in. I have learned so much about self-care now, and comfortable shoes are high on my list.
And what your article has also brought to mind Adele is that like areas of the body in which we may ignore, there may be areas in our home which we ignore, hide away and not bring love and our attention to. I know that I have some cupboards at home, that when they are shut, I can easily try and convince myself that they don’t matter. In fact, everything is energy, therefore it all matters, every part of our body, every part of our home, every part of our life. Not giving attention to any one area of our body or life, is selling ourselves short of living the glory of who we are in our fullness – that is living as the Son of God.
Great comment Donna. Our house is a reflection of our body. I can totally relate to what you’ve shared about the cupboards.
yes that is true Donna, all that the ‘stuff’ we can hang onto clutters the spaciousness in and around us too. Not only the physical ‘stuff’ but the mental and emotional baggage as well. It is difficult for the light to shine through fully when there is no space.
“Consequently, not expressing myself in my greatness and fullness is what feels familiar; accepting abuse also feels familiar, but this familiarity is no longer what my body can accept anymore.” So much is being revealed to me Adele, around my patterns at the moment and I can see so clearly how one behaviour alone has influenced my entire life and it is not acceptable any more to live with that cloud over my head when in truth I know that is not me. Simple as you say Adele my body cannot accept any of that abuse anymore.
I too related so easily to these words Merrliee as I have lived for so much of my life not knowing, or maybe it was not wanting to know, my greatness, and in the process accepting abuse on many levels, including abuse from myself. And I know those “clouds” too well, but now that I am deepening my connection to me and to all that I am, those clouds are slowly dissipating allowing the sun that I am to shine more brightly
And like the parts of the body that we can easily segment, ignore and not give as much attention to, there are also parts of our lives that we segment, box away and not bring our all to. To live in our fullness and express in our power requires us to examine every area of our lives to see the pockets in which we need to work on.
I can totally relate to this article, we have so much to offer when we are in the fullness of our essence, I love this line’for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.When we hold back one part of the whole it keeps us separated when there is so much to bring.
“Therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being”. This line particularly stood out to me this morning Adele when reading your blog. I hadn’t thought before of how when we don’t honour just one area of our body, that it really does affect our entire being – there is no part that we can hide as the parts are always affecting the whole.
I know how awkward it is to walk all of my glory and my connection to myself when I put on ill-fitting shoes. It may be because of the actual fit or it maybe that the shoes hold an image or an ideal that I have chosen to represent me. Either way I know I can’t walk the fullness of me and each step is an imprint of an outward aligning to something that I am identifying with that isn’t supporting my connection to my inner qualities and essence. In fact I can be sending messages that I’m not ok to me and the world. On a very practical note my feet communicate to me that they hurt! And very simply if i just listen to then i come back to myself.
Eduardo that is a beautiful perspective to come from, and how different the world would be if we all took that view.
Another truly beautiful blog Adele. I love the line “… capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being” – it is so true.
Thank you Adele for this beautiful and honest sharing. There are so many pearls of wisdom to reflect upon here, I especially liked the simplicity and power of this line ‘ for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.’
I love this line you’ve highlighted Anna. How much less stress would we be in if we understand and live the truth of this.
What I find very powerful is how even in the smallest of areas in our lives such as the choice of shoes to wear can be an expression of ourselves at war with our true essence. Yet in contra there can be an enormous amount of embrace of our essence in other parts of our lives at the same time. It shows how we can be in pieces with one part being lived in full claiming of our essence and another part still holding back from it.
‘What I find very powerful is how even in the smallest of areas in our lives” hmmm Joshua I am wondering if there is such a thing as ‘small’ and ‘big’ areas of our lives or if that’s part of the illusion. I am coming to feel more and more that it’s all about being a portal for one of two energies regardless of the ‘size of the task’. We’re either allowing God to flow through us or we’re not, it’s as simple as that. If I’m doing what looks like a seemingly ‘small’ task but with God flooding through me then I reckon that’s of much more benefit than doing what outwardly looks like a ‘big’ task and stunting God’s ability to flow through me.
“I discarded these shoes and never looked back, for there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” – Absolutely beautiful, thank you Adele for sharing your unfolding and experience with accepting yourself more fully and with that letting old hampering beliefs drop away.
It is deeply healing to let go of that which stands in the way of accepting our greatness and living that in all we do…. and inspirational to reflect this to others.
I was very drawn to the word delicate and how you expressed “Delicateness is a quality within myself no matter how I looked on the outside”. Delicateness was completely a ‘new’ word to me I did not have a clue what it truly meant.(until Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine came into my life) For me it felt like the delicateness of a butterflies wing or the petals on a delicate flower, further even than the surface of my body. So I always associated it with everything way outside of myself – that which I could see, not a quality that I felt inside of me. Thank you Adele I love your honesty and sharing, another inspirational blog that I can read and re-read to feel the depth of the truth that I choose to live now.
Wearing clothes that do not honour our bodies help us on the one hand to cope with what we dislike of ourselves, yet more deeply, it confirms us in our misery and lack of self-worth. It is a way to keep rowing the boat of a self-created drama.
Absolutely Eduardo, we may pretend to hide our misery and lack of self worth under an outer facade but the truth remains within… ever waiting for us to address it lovingly and then reflect to the world our true beauty and greatness that we have been perpetually suppressing with false ideals and beliefs about ourselves and what true beauty is.
Coping is never ever going to be enough, it is like putting a band aid on a wound that would never heal.
” therefore capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.” I’ve never really thought of it like this – though I do know I hide in clothes – so thank you for sharing. I will honour my body, rather than ignoring.
The truth is that each time we make a decision about ourselves (even what I will wear today), we send ourselves a message that confirms how we feel about ourselves (good or bad).
“a pattern of self-sabotaging shopping, ” I would say if we are very honest this is how 99.9% of woman in the world shop today. Either in self sabotage, lack of self worth or self loathing.
“At that point, I realised I had been living entrenched under the mercy of how the world thought of me, and I chose to stop.” what an awesome commitment to make for yourself and everyone else for that matter. This is something I am working on. It starts at such a young age, you can see it in kids and adults alike, everywhere everyday.
One of the beautiful things this blogs does is helps to put a face to another aspect of how we hold back . Definitely wearing tight shoes does not support walking in a way that allows expanding!!
It’s actually horrendous how much we abuse ourselves ” I wanted to grow taller or have smaller feet, anything but just being me.”
What is horrendous is we have made it normal to live to not live the responsibility of shining the great light that we are. And it is through deep understanding and gentleness back towards ourselves from feeling the value and preciousness that we are, that this horrendousness will begin to stand out as abuse.
‘ to literally “fit in” ‘ I can feel how literally binding, constricting and contracting this is on so many levels – it’s almost like being tied up in a corset.
Or like how the ugly sisters in Cinderella tried to force their feet into the glass slipper!
Being tall and having big feet was difficult for me when being a child, teenager and adult. I didn’t want to stand out and hated buying shoes for they hardly had my size. Nowadays a lot of women have big feet and yet still very little shops have shoes is a bigger size. I spoke today with an lady owner of a shoe shop who also has big feet and she said: ‘manufacturers hold on to an old idea of women needing have small feet and don’t accept what is actually the size of women’s feet’. When we as (taller) women don’t accept our greatness, our height and accompanying feet size, but keep wanting to be different then there won’t be manufacturers that will produce shoes is a big size.
That is true Monika. Not expressing first from the place of our shining value, is the first capping we put on ourselves.
Yes, and everything we express from this lesser place has this ‘less’ as it’s quality and foundation and can never become full.
As women most of us don’t want big feet, big noses or big hands, lots of us don’t mind having big breasts and whether or not we want big bottoms depends on the country where we live, as in many parts of the world it’s extremely attractive to have a big bottom. Ridiculous isn’t it that we have such set ideas about how we want our bodies to look based on what the society that we currently live in says about what’s desirable and what’s not. We need to dictate to the world who we are in truth and not let the world dictate to us who it wants us to be.
Not only any part of the body deserves to be truly expressed, it has to support the expression of the whole.
“there is no greater beauty than to accept and express the greatness that we truly are.” Powerful statement, Adele and very specific in it’s order: first we have to accept our innate greatness before we can express it. And expression is everything, not just what we say, every move, every thought, how we dress and how we are.
What a beautiful blog Adele, so exposing the places in which we can hold ourself less, not only in the way we dress, but in everything we do. So choosing greatness should be confirmed in every part of our live. Not just claiming it in one part, and leaving the others for later.
Exposing of what is not true is beautiful (rather than ugly), as the true beauty that has been hidden has the opportunity to reveal itself when the ugliness of hiding and comfort falls away. A smashing of the picture of what beauty is, very cool Benkt.
Beautifully expressed Benkt – greatness needs to be lived in all areas of our lives not just those we are comfortable in showing it.
This is an amazing reflection Adele for every women has something they are not happy with about themselves and ultimately shows up our lack of self worth as you share so beautifully. I can relate to this my shoes and sizes also and that ” Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.” also. What you are offering here is very refreshing and inspirational for all women and men to pay attention to.
When we look at life from the point of view of the impress we want to present to the world so to feel valued, we get to a very different set of decisions compared to when we look at the world from the point of view of how to truly support myself to share more of me with the others.
We can choose to move in life from our own confirmation of value or move in life looking for the confirmation of value. One is a true movement returning us to truth, the other leads us forever away from truth.
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman”. Well said Adele, denying our divinity is the starting point for holding back our grandness and reducing ourselves to the human frame and the roles we have accepted to live.
I agree Rachel this line also stood out for me and I look at how I have held back in my own life in total denial of how amazing I was. It is truly beautiful when a woman is in her power and grace it supports and inspires other women to express this as well.
It’s interesting that we can run with an image for many years, and lifetimes, that is completely incongruent with what is true. Not only do we allow it to be in our thoughts, but we shape and build our life upon it.
Yes I agree Kylie, we in fact run with an image of how we should be and furthermore we allow this image to dictate our life. This creates the tension of never being enough and always needing to strive to be this image we have pegged as ideal when all the time we could be simply connecting to who we truly are and knowing that there is no struggle if we are prepared to surrender and let go of being identified as this or that.
Kylie I have remembered a moment where i was pregnant with my 3rd child, carrying my second in a papoose on my back and then giving my first born a lift on my shoulders as we went for a walk one day. Holding tight my image of the all giving, multi-tasking mum – my body screaming, these images fed.
This blog shows so much of the way we put up with in being a woman, whether this is through shoes or another medium, it is all the same. In our fullness why we would we compromise in this way as this is what it is? I can see now how this so easily comes back to a lack of self worth and not claiming all that we are as delicate precious women in every moment. I found myself feeling uncomfortable with the following thus realising I am still giving power to some of these stories……”holding back has been normal and familiar for me in life—from the tone and manner in how I speak, the way I hold myself, the food I choose to eat and how much, the way I dress, how much money I allow myself to have, the way I move…” Thank you Adele, there is more to take notice of.
When I read your comment jsnelgrove36 it had me realise, if we don’t know the sacredness we all carry as women, we don’t have a foundation of true purpose, and thus our self worth and appreciation has not been fully claimed. Knowing the power we are within and the responsibility we have to express from our beauty and wisdom we would never undermine our vehicle of expression.
” Knowing the power we are within and the responsibility we have to express from our beauty and wisdom we would never undermine our vehicle of expression.” This is so true, Merrilee and something I have been feeling this week in my body. It makes no sense to not cherish and value that which is precious but yet so many women do just this and if as you say we let go from an early age feeling this preciousness and the true treasure we are we will feel no need to continue caring deeply for our vehicle. Its a bit like owning a ferrari and never realising what a super special car this is!
“Knowing the power we are within and the responsibility we have to express from our beauty and wisdom we would never undermine our vehicle of expression.” This is so key Merrilee, for in this knowing our abuse radar is super alert and anything that does not serve can be clocked and cleared.
Another picture cracked here, that being a woman it is expected that we put up with things that do not feel absolutely comfortable,. What we are saying here is, “we are not completely comfortable with our own self-worth and value”.
We need to understand that the world needs the all of us that we innately are expressing from that connection that resides in each and every one of us that brings forth that which we are here to do offering a reflection of the light that we are from for us to make our return.
This is so beautifully expressed Adele, so inspiring and completely true: “Our innate greatness is so natural and powerful that not even the strongest picture of culture, nationality or religion can hold back our expression when it comes from the connection we have built with ourselves, for our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.”
Indeed deborahmckay, when i read this line I sense a woman in her greatness moving in slow motion, and i can breathe in the empowerment and harmony she leaves in her wake.
Yes Lucindag and observing a woman moving from that place of stillness within herself is something to behold.
Adele, this is really lovely to read ‘delicateness is a quality within myself no matter how I looked on the outside’, until reading this I thought that delicateness was a quality that is on the outside and i can feel how i have bought into the idea that being small and slight in build is delicate, but reading this it feels true to me that anyone can be delicate no matter their size and shape, that delicateness is a quality lived from within and then radiated out.
“Delicateness is a quality lived from within and then radiated out”. Beautifully said R Wingrave and it exposes the images we live with and how we live by what we see or are in the human body. The “boundaries” and the structure of the human body are part of our created individuality, but do not represent our expression.
Beautiful to see your delicateness unfold, Adele. No more holding back.
Just last week I bought a beautiful pair of shoes. They felt fine in the shop but when I walked around in them at home I could feel a pinch. There was a moment of hesitance where I thought, ‘I’ll be all right. They will stretch.’ But then I quickly said no. I was not going suffer any pinching, and took them back to get a bigger size. Its curious how the tendency to compromise and allow pain is still there.
When we choose to wear shoes that do not support us, we are saying ‘I am choosing to not walk who I truly am’.
Spot on, “when we choose to wear shoes that do not support us, we are saying ‘I am choosing to not walk the greatness I truly am’.
Oh that is gorgeous Kylie. I always experience joy on reading a truth expressed like that and at the same time a shock at how in your face (or in this case feet) obvious it is, but we collectively choose not to see or live it. “When we choose to wear shoes that do not support us, we are saying ‘I am choosing to not walk who I truly am’.” would make a wonderful slogan for a shop selling comfortable and supportive shoes!
The other thing that struck me Kylie was how you always look and feel absolutely beautiful and wear AMAZING, stunning and stylish shoes often with high or even very high heels and you are tall!
Therefore, shoes that support us do not need to be boring or frumpy – in fact anything that truly supports us could never be boring or frumpy regardless of what it looks like. It also occurs to me that it is a very personal thing – I don’t see myself wearing the kind of shoes Kylie wears as they would not support me, but I have recently started to wear and find far more beautiful shoes than I had in the past and yet ones that are still very comfortable for my feet one of which has a bunion.
It also supports me and gives me great joy to see Kylie wearing the shoes she does as they so perfectly fit Kylie and she looks and feels so magnificent and does not hold back on sharing her true beauty.
Ha! Just remembered how I used to wear oversized shoes when younger. I was wearing my father’s old pair of shoes to school thinking I was being cool. They were chunky and heavy and I kept losing then when I ran.
The support of our shoes (and our body in truth) is absolutely crucial in how we feel placed here on earth, there is now nothing that could ever get in the way of me wearing shoes that feel absolutely comfortable, look amazing and support me 100%.
Ouch Kylie, your comment really stopped me, as I too like Debra so succinctly described have often felt ‘it will do’ or ‘it’s close enough’ and I’ve not made that next step as you state, that in doing so I’m choosing not to walk who I truly am. This is huge, and I am getting a clearer idea of the game I play to be less, I pick things that are not quite it, and then blame the world for not allowing me to be all I am, while ignoring that I’ve chosen to be less – it’s very deliberate, and we all do it and we know it. Thank you for a great comment, you’re really knocked out some images or ideas I’ve been holding.
I agree, Debra, I learned years ago that there is no ‘oh they will stretch’. I have short, wide feet and any time the fashion is for narrow, pointy shoes, I have to buy larger sizes to feel comfortable and then the shoes are loose. I’ve also learned to accept that these days shoes are different sizes depending on where they are made, so I no longer look only on the Size 4 rack, I look for shoes I like then see how they feel on my feet. Interestingly, I sometimes catch myself standing with my big toe drawn in, and have to make a conscious effort to let it sit more naturally.
Adele being a tall woman I had the same belief about my feet. I spent many years squashing them into shoes that were too small. This part of your blog really struck me – ‘capping the expression of any one part of my body can only lessen the expression of all parts—and ultimately, the expression of my whole being.’ Very true and something I am only now beginning to realise. My poor feet suffered as a result, but now I take care of them and have much appreciation for how they get me from A to B. I even get my toenails painted and wear open toed sandals.
I had such a picture of what it means to be delicate, now when ever I feel me from the inside out I feel my delicateness…. my divinity.
When I allow myself to feel delicateness it changes every movement, I feel like a whole new connection is made on a whole new level, it not only feels divine but as you say marylouisemyers it is our connection to the Divine.
So beautifully expressed, Merrilee, and I can so relate to what you say. I am feeling my delicateness more and more lately, it feels so beautiful. Yes, this delicateness is my connection to the Divine as marylouisemyers expressed. How awesome and connected I am feeling as I write this, thank you for your expression.
which is absolutely beautiful & brilliant!
I agree Mary-Louise – I probably thought delicate in the past was soft, slow, feeble, irritating, ineffectual and that sort of stuff. Since I have started to connect to my delicateness I am having growing glimpses of the joy and power of it and that it is not at all what I thought it was.
We have been fooled by the corruption of all these words and divine qualities such as our images of the word delicateness. The purpose of Unimedpedia – http://www.unimedliving.com/unimedpedia is to bring the truth back to these words and states of being. Love is another word that has been completely bastardised and does not have one ounce of emotion in it.
Agree Nicola there is so much power in delicateness and given power is our ability to allow through heaven in our every movement our divinity is lived on earth
Delicateness has deep strength, not a conventional picture, but it is truth.
Not only does delicateness have a deep strength, a women in her delicateness has immense power.
When i feel this delicacy in my body and my movements its like having a heightened awareness of abuse, for not only am i aware of any disharmony within my own body but also i notice it in others.
“The concept of delicateness to me then was one which was purely determined by outward appearances” I can concur Adele, delicateness was for me a commodity that i could buy into, with the right hair do, make up and hand bag. The more self care and nurturing i have introduced into my life the more i have been able to connect to a true delicacy within, that brings me back to the glory of being a woman.
“Holding back has been a picture that I have accepted as a normal part of being a woman.”I know this familiar dialogue that holds me back from saying this, wearing that, or dancing like that, for i have spent years calculating what’s acceptable. By connecting with my innermost Serge Benhayon has shown me that this dialogue is a game I play with myself to keep me small, as Adele has described its a default pattern that my body is no longer prepared to accept.
I can so relate to this lucindag and am still doing it to this day although I’m much more aware of when and how I’m doing it now. Serge Benhayon and now Adele’s blog are helping to break down this consciousness for me and to see the game I have been and am playing which needs to stop.
I agree it is a game that we have agreed to play and be played with. This blog highlights clearly though how this is just another way of holding back and way to justify ‘playing it small’.
Yes jsnelgrove36, I have certainly played that game of holding back. And for me, my big feet were also one of the things that I let hold me back, one of the many things that I felt made me different from the other girls. But as Adele has shown, this is just another excuse for holding back and ‘playing it small’, which I was a master of up until the past few years. Still very much a work in progress, but gradually opening up bigger and bigger. I love this feeling of expansion that is occurring.
Lucindag I have not had too many issues with my body image apart from my hips were too shapely ( particularly when Twiggy was the shape to be be) but I have always ” I to spent years calculating what is acceptable” and it changed with the fashion, with my age, where I was going, who I was meeting, so many years being a chameleon. In reading your blog Adele I have just felt the mistrust and disregard of my expression and the self judgement I put myself under daily. Now that I have a connection to my body and feel my innate beauty it feels so harsh to have done this to myself for so long.
We can measure ourselves in how we appear and how much truth we want to show of ourselves in different circumstances and with different people in life. But we can also choose to feel into how our expression can most supportively serve in all the situations we will be in. The difference is in the intention and the quality the expression is in.
I agree Lucinda it is a harmful game we play with ourselves and thereby with everyone else, for if we are judging ourselves we will be judging others and perpetuating this cycle of abuse.
It is crazy how we measure and then live what we feel will be an acceptable level of greatness to show the world without truly shining in full. There is enormous irresponsibility in playing small like this for it not only says to others it is okay to not be all of you, but denies everyone the enormity of what you can bring when you are.
I love the way you bring awareness to the big picture through your relationship with your feet. The seemingly strange things we do indicate something far more is going on. Thank you.
Leonne Sharkey it’s incredible the clues we are offered, the messages from the body that we override.
Your story is universal Adele. No, I’m not Asian. No, I’m not petite. No my feet don’t feel too big for my body. I just found other things to not like about my appearance and reasons to try and fit into an image I had formed in my mind of what a ‘woman’ should look like to be beautiful or accepted. I suspect many, many women have done this, no matter their nationality or appearance. We have a lot of un-doing to do. I’m so appreciative of all the women who are taking a closer look at the images they have tried to conform to in order to be “enough”. Let’s keep letting go of the images!
Hear hear, Gayle, those images that we can live by are so insidious, they blind us to the truth of who we truly are, living Sons of God, we are all equally glorious, if we look beyond those damaging images. Time to let them all go, for the sake of all humanity.
Absolutely Beverly, “those images that we can live by are so insidious, they blind us to the truth of who we truly are, living Sons of God, we are all equally glorious, if we look beyond those damaging images”. We all have created insidious images if we have blonde hair we want dark hair if its curly we see straight hair and the list goes on all because of the lack of self worth we have created images or accepted images that other impose on us. It is time to smash these pictures and re-claim our true beauty and express the love that we are.
Gayle so many layers of images, they are flooding me at the moment to be revealed and released. As you release one it leads to a whole new ‘can of worms’ and it’s big when you realise the imprints and images that have been the blueprint for my life that are not true, the impact this has on another and the comfort we are offered to not reveal we are living a lie is to be exposed by letting go of these false images.
I completely agree Gayle and it equally applies to men too.
I suspect you are right Gayle Cue, that many, many woman belittle themselves for what they look like – feeling lesser than others and disconnected from their innate gloriousness. In general have not met many who are truly happy with what they look like, it’s lie an epidemic. These images of physical perfection are capping all humanity and so yes, yes, yes – let’s keep letting them go.
And then let’s help others to as well. As Women in Livingness has done for Adele and now she is for others through this inspiring blog, we can all help each other break free from the images that keep us small and insecure.
I totally agree Gayle Adele speaks on behalf of all of us who convince ourselves that there is a lack within us when the truth is we are all already enough. Those images point us in the opposite direction of our true path – “…our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.”
“our worth is far greater than any man-made ideal.” Thank you for sharing this Adele. If we ask the body how comfortable these familiar ways of living are we will always be met with the truth of such a life. Comfort and familiarity is not something that the body can tolerate or handle for very long and only with constant effort can they appear sustainable. The body simply cannot and does not want to maintain such an existence and it hurts us to do so.
I love what you’ve shared here Leigh ‘Comfort and familiarity is not something that the body can tolerate or handle for very long and only with constant effort can they appear sustainable. ‘ – absolutely true despite our best efforts to prove otherwise. The body doesn’t lie, we just ignore it, until eventually we cannot.
Oh so true Monica: “The body doesn’t lie, we just ignore it, until eventually we cannot.” and by that time our body is suffering in some way because we have not listened to its messages. When we come to a place where we acknowledge the wisdom of our bodies, we naturally reconnect to the innate wisdom within us.
It’s amazing isn’t it how much we fight our bodies and how unnecessary it is. I’m seeing and learning right now that in many ways how I operate means the body comes last, as in I try and shoehorn my body into what I plan and the ideals I’ve bought into. And it hurts and I’m learning to appreciate that it does, that it offers me a point, a mark to say no, not this. And without it I would be absolutely lost, in an illusion I’m fine when in fact I’m not, so my beautifully honest body is ‘saving’ me from my illusions and is ever patiently showing me again and again what works and what doesn’t. And I appreciate that hugely, even while at times I may chaff against it, I appreciate it.
Beautiful said Leigh, as comfort and familiarity is not something that the body can tolerate or handle for very long – as our body can only handle a certain amount of disregard before it has so release the ill energy we have created by these choices = disregard. Often we can then experience feeling sick in one way or the other, or come to a point of illness and disease. Never more to wonder around, but to actually feel more deeply in what way , the choices we make, effect our body.
Yes Danna it appears that disregard for our bodies and the consequences that result, illness and disease on the rise, are at this point in time no longer enough to stop our momentum of self abuse with ourself and others and our environment. Now Mother Nature is also sending in the corrections to have us realise we have gone so far away from the connection and responsibility to the all.
One of the cool things I’ve learnt from Universal Medicine is that we don’t have to wait for that breaking point when the body is overloaded and has to offload via illness and disease. We can choose the energy we live in every day and sometimes when we do choose to live in a more loving way the body brings in illness and disease as a way of speeding up the clearing of ill energy. Illness and disease is a process of lightening and supporting our bodies to hold more love and less lovelessness.
Yes Ladies, and how we care for ourselves offers us a reflection of our health – as at the end our bodies knows and remembers everything – we , our mind and spirit, might do not want to remember. But it never leaves us feel less, our body, but it will make sure it clears its full way – and then it is our choice to do it again – or leave a clean space for love and respect = a choice we can make every day. To treat our body as pearls.
Stunning, Leigh. “Comfort and familiarity is not something that the body can tolerate or handle for very long” – I totally agree. I have just chosen to stay a bit longer (and ended up a lot longer) in the comfort of my bed after my body had already woken up, and sure it was nice and warm to begin with, but the feeling of what felt like a deadly entrapment that eventually came over was just most disgusting to my body, and at the same time I could feel an effort to override that and get used to it as ‘comfortable’. It was a great marker.
I know that one! staying in bed is deadly, but more and more now if I am lying in bed for longer than normal, by feeling my body I get an understanding of why I want to lay there. Either to not feel and accept where I am at or I have exhausted myself the day before which is actually the reason why I don’t want to feel. It has been far more healthy to feel the body, accept where it is at and then ask it if it wants to stay in bed, if the longer I stay there the mind gets racier and tension gets tighter in the body no matter how comfortable and warm those blankets are it is not truly supportive to be there in that moment. Our bodies are amazing at telling us what it needs to support itself.