What is being Truly Sexy?

What sexy means to me has changed dramatically over the past three years, since attending the Women in Livingness Groups, held monthly in London. I used to see being sexy as something outside of me that I could buy, attain or an approach that if studied hard enough could bring me that sexy look. I used to see being sexy as an age thing and that as you went past a certain age that was it – no more sexy!

Well I am super glad I have put that belief to bed; I have now met many, many women who inspire super sexiness at all ages. These women are happy and content with who they are, they know they are not perfect but there is tender openness with a joy and a willingness to explore who they really are. Over the years that I have attended the women’s groups, I have seen the ladies flourish as they deepen their connection to the real, truly sexy women they are.

This has been a real blessing and truly inspiring to see. I can feel my body rejoice in the inspiration of these women as they deepen their self- acceptance for themselves, and love for who they are.

Society imposes on us what sexy is.

Sexy is not a picture in a magazine that tells us how we should look.

Sexy is not about showing as much flesh as possible.

Sexy is not about flirting and being all smiles and puppy dog eyes, yet hiding behind a façade of insecurities.

Sexy is not about being taken advantage of in any single way.

Sexy is not about inciting male attention to hide a lack in ourselves.

Sexy is not about making other women jealous.

Sexy is not about inciting comparison.

Sexy is not selling a product or selling yourself.

Sexy is not seeing a look on a billboard and feeling “wow that is sexy I want to look like that”.

Sexy is not manipulating a situation to get what you want.

Being sexy is not using looks or sex to gain affection.

Sexy is not dressing just for the attention of others.

Sexy is not acting seductively to “hook” a male in.

Being sexy is not being domineering, or meek and pathetic.

Sexy is not about being abused in any way.

Sexy is not acting promiscuously or promoting it in any form and it is definitely not found on MTV.

True sexiness is:

  • How we move.
  • How we are gentle and tender with ourselves.
  • How we walk.
  • When we feel amazing, and claim it rather than holding it back.
  • How we blink our eyes.
  • How aware we are of our breasts.
  • How when our posture is aligned and chest lovingly expanded we stand open ready to give and receive love.
  • The way we can feel connected to and be aware of our ovaries and uterus whilst carrying out mundane tasks.
  • In our voice when we talk with clarity and presence.
  • An inner confidence that is not altered by other’s perceptions, whether good or bad.
  • The clothes we choose to wear that accentuate the beautiful woman already there.
  • In the way in which we deeply honour ourselves whilst getting ready for the day.
  • How we interact with all those we meet, holding them, connecting with them and not holding back and not trying to be more or less.
  • Simply expressing what is there to be expressed.
  • Being playful, and being in the moment.
  • Dressing for yourself and feeling the texture of the fabric on the skin and the way it feels and flows on body.
  • Choosing underwear that confirms the beauty we are, making sure the fabric feels good against the body.
  • Giving yourself permission to say YES to life.

Being Truly Sexy is enhanced by being in touch with our natural rhythms and cycles; it is about inspiring other women that we are ALL truly sexy, and all we need to do is connect to the enormous sensual, sacred and tender love that we have inside.

As women we all have a unique sexiness that comes not from looks or any outside skill we perform. True sexiness is there already within, waiting and wanting to come out. Thank you to all you sexy ladies out there for inspiring me to be the full, truly sexy woman I am!

by STC, UK 

You may also like:

Feeling Truly Sexy by Priscila, UK
The Natural Yearning and Impulse to Express Our Beauty by Gina Dunlop

433 thoughts on “What is being Truly Sexy?

  1. Being sexy or coming across as sexy isn’t something that interests me at all. Reflecting the deeper aspects of Life and being a conduit for it’s beauty does.

  2. For me sexuality is centred around the body and specific body parts but there is a much deeper level of sensuality that is found in a person when they are being impulsed by life itself. We are not seeing or feeling them, we are seeing and feeling the life that comes through them and this is a beauty and a sensuality that blows sexuality clean out of the water. The sensuality of life is our true Mistress.

  3. true sexyness is an emanation from within, no holding back, no trying just connecting to the innate sacredness and allowing it to be.

  4. Your list of what society imposes on us with regard to sexy is everything that the media has encouraged us to be and shows how much we have bastardised the true meaning of sexy and allowed their superficial version of what they would like us to believe sexy is so that they can sell their magazines, but leaves people feeling less than the true sexiness that is naturally within them and therefore constantly seeking it from outside themselves. Your list of true Sexiness shows that it has nothing to do with looks but comes from how we are feeling within ourselves, sexiness is in the movement and women have lost this in their need to be something for someone.

  5. Sexy is one of the most skewed and misrepresented words in our language, especially for women. I am starting to see that the more powerful the true meaning of the word, the more energetic effort goes into corrupting it. The redefining and current meaning tells us that its all about sex, to feel ashamed about feeling lovely in our bodies, instead of knowing this is just the natural way we can live.

  6. Our innate sexiness is expressed through our movements and words and we can be an inspiration to others when we choose to not hold back and share that sexiness with all.

  7. It is lovely that you have written this blog on what is being truly sexy, so more understanding is brought to what true sexiness is and is not.

  8. Man what a healing for us all is it to hear that sexiness is not lost with age or looks. Age can bring wrinkles but it can not take your inner sexiness or beauty!

  9. I love your lists of what true sexy is not and what it is. It doesn’t come from outside and is not determined by a response outside ourselves it solely comes from inside. What I realized today when I went to a funeral that also the occasion where you go to has no influence of whether you feel sexy or not, for I felt super sexy and first thought that to be inappropriate.

  10. Thank you for sharing your sexiness with us all, ‘Being Truly Sexy is enhanced by being in touch with our natural rhythms and cycles; it is about inspiring other women that we are ALL truly sexy, and all we need to do is connect to the enormous sensual, sacred and tender love that we have inside.’

  11. Sexy is not sexual and that says it all, really – sexy is sassy and playful, present and delicious. Sexy does not need anything from another/others, is not after recognition or a result. Sexy is from within and brings itself to the world, whether the world likes or acknowledges it or not.

    1. Beautifully summed up thank you Gabriele, we have a responsibility to express our sexiness however it is received as we don’t know when our inspiration will be the turning point for another lady to claim hers.

  12. “Society imposes on us what sexy is..” Too true Samantha. I used to believe its all the things you mention it isn’t in your post. True sexy is a feeling from within and nothing to do with outer attraction. I may be wearing the same outfit and makeup but can feel sexy and beautiful one day and maybe not on another.

  13. Sexiness for me is an assured feeling knowing who I am through the connection to my soul in my livingness as opposed to an insecure, needy and empty feeling seeking from the outside not knowing in truth who I am. There is so much sexiness that comes from a steady confidence from within.

  14. There is a massive difference between the current idea of sexy and what the innate, inner quality truly feels like when it’s reconnected to. The current ideal of sexy means a small group of women tick that box and its traded as a currency for male attention. True sexy is something a woman feels in herself and is for herself.

  15. A great list of what true sexiness actually is when it comes from the deep gorgeous essence innately in every woman. it does not come from what is put on in the outside but flows out from within.

  16. It is great Samantha that you have exposed all the false pictures that society believes is ‘sexy’. When you meet a woman who is ‘truly sexy’ her reflection and the way she moves in life is very inspiring and powerful. Natalie Benhayon is a beautiful example of a woman who appreciates her Sacredness and divinity and her presence is truly sexy and sassy in every way.

  17. This is a great line: “Sexy is not about showing as much flesh as possible.” I remember seeing pictures of women from decades or even centuries ago, where sexiness was in the brief exposure of an ankle or a wrist. And even though much of the other fashions of the time may have been more than slightly oppressive, this delicate approach to what sexy is feels very honouring of the sacredness that is in each woman’s body.

  18. Thank you for claiming the meaning of being truly sexy and clearly setting out what it is and what it is not. I spent many years avoiding any form of sexiness and am now enjoying embracing the potential of being truly sexy as I enter a new phase in my life with joy and playfulness.

  19. True sexy is found in the essence of every human being and is not dependent on age, gender, sexual preference, looks or race . . . only on our ability to connect.

  20. True sexiness is there already within, waiting and wanting to come out. Absolutely Samantha, and when women do the sacred movement together in a group, this true sexy can be felt so beautifully.

  21. My idea of sexy has completely changed – now I envisage a woman full of spark and vitality, not holding back all of who she is and shining with life and vibrancy

  22. I am constantly inspired by and also as I am developing this in myself, I need the reflection of women who embody this as it inspires me to bring more of this out in myself.

  23. I love this Samantha for you have exposed the many falsities we have fallen for and pictures of what it is to be sexy…. all as insidious as the next at keeping us dishonouring our true sexiness as we accept and strive for the image… all the while distracted from connecting to what truly lay within and what is with us always whenever we express in that connection.

  24. True sexiness is a movement of our full expression as women and can be seen in the way we walk, talk, choose our clothes or apply our makeup. Sexiness is as sacred as we are when we move from this place, the world has no option but to stand up and take notice. I love this blog thank you Samantha.

  25. Yes! True sexiness can be expressed in the very way we move after we “connect to the enormous sensual, sacred and tender love that we have inside”. This blog is beautifully presented Samantha and well worth coming back to time and time again.

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