Meeting Men, with the True Beauty of a Woman

Yesterday, when I walked down the road to catch the bus, I was feeling full of my own inner beauty, the true beauty of myself as a woman: my heart was open and I felt joy when I came across other people on my way. Many of these interactions were with men…

  • a simple ‘good morning’ to the man walking his dog
  • a warm hello to the road sweeper who looked surprised but opened up like a flower in response to my smile
  • a wave hello to the man who runs a café who always leans out of his door to wave back at me and wish me a good day
  • a brief heartfelt conversation with a man who asked me directions
  • a smile and a ‘thank you’ to two men sitting on a doorstep whiling their time away, who told me I looked lovely today.

As I walked and shared these interactions my heart opened more and more and the spring in my step turned into a bounce. I feel joy as I write these words, and there is a part of me that is still surprised. It hasn’t always been like this!

Being a shy little girl I grew up hoping no-one would notice me. Any attention that came my way from strangers was not welcome and was usually met with defence. I used to shrink and want to hide, which made everything more difficult to deal with.

As a young teenager the attention I received from men was especially unwelcome. I was unprepared and ill-equipped to deal with such attention from the opposite sex. I remember the first time I was tooted at and yelled at by a couple of men in a white van, I was 11 and had just had my hair done by a guy who had given me a hairstyle that was much too mature for my years. This was the beginning of many years of catcalling, verbal abuse and unwanted attention on the street.

The way that I dealt with this for many years was to continue to be defensive and to shrink away from men and their comments. Of course this left room for more comments and fun poking, which hurt me and made me more defensive. I felt like a victim and allowed myself to adopt that position and attitude. I wore this attitude like an accepted role, which could be seen and felt by everyone… and so came more of the same. I kept myself small.

Over the years as I have grown into a mature woman, I have continued to experience the same type of behaviour from men. I have grown to accept that I can’t control how other people choose to behave, but I have learnt that I can choose how I respond – and this makes all the difference. With a growing sense of self, and acceptance of my own inner beauty, I have come to a place where I no longer want to hide and withdraw from the world. I want to shine! And when I shine I am seen!

I am a beautiful woman. Of course men will look. And what am I going to greet them with? A closed and defensive nature which invites attack, or an open heart that meets them as equal human beings who have the same beauty on the inside? I have now experienced on many occasions the transformation that can occur when I meet men with an openness from my heart. An otherwise threatening situation can simply dissolve, and I watch them disarm in front of my eyes. Men are truly beautiful when given the chance.

By taking responsibility for myself and my own behaviour I can refuse to adopt the position of being small and being seen as an object. I know I am more than this, and I can liberate myself by respecting and loving myself and treating everyone from that respectful loving place.

These days, instead of the abusive hurtful comments I used to receive as a young adult, most of my interactions with men are void of abusive energy and instead are a confirmation of my loveliness and my respect for myself. I now receive their comments, like the ones I received yesterday, gracefully and with appreciation of myself. What a welcome difference!

How amazing it is to experience and appreciate the true beauty within men by fully embracing and sharing the beauty of myself as a woman – my own true inner-beauty.

by Rebecca Turner

You may also like:

The True Beauty of a Woman by Ray Karam
Why Flirt? One Woman’s Discovery by Annie

526 thoughts on “Meeting Men, with the True Beauty of a Woman

  1. I still experience a mix of the two, feeling really open with men or avoiding eye contact and shutting them out due to mistrust. There’s a belief that if i look at them or smile thats an invitation for unwanted advances. Which sounds completely ridiculous when I type it out now because I don’t know those men and their lives so who gave me the right to make such a judgement?

  2. “How amazing it is to experience and appreciate the true beauty within men by fully embracing and sharing the beauty of myself as a woman – my own true inner-beauty.” The more we appreciate our own inner beauty, the more we appreciate this equally in others.

  3. Every man is beautiful and when I see him for who he truly is, it is an amazing connection. The more I open myself up to men and welcome them into my heart, the more men want to be around me and in my presence and yes it brings so much joy into my life.

  4. When we face the world in defensive mode then that is felt by others and our victim status is repeatedly confirmed, however when we claim our true beauty then we offer that reflection to others and amazing connections are made.

  5. The whole world is craving love, and when we connect with others from our inner beauty and love many hearts will melt.

  6. Absolutely Rebecca, carry on shining for us all to enjoy, ‘ With a growing sense of self, and acceptance of my own inner beauty, I have come to a place where I no longer want to hide and withdraw from the world. I want to shine! And when I shine I am seen!’

  7. It is true Rebecca and a great learning for us all that we can’t control how someone is going to be, but how we respond is the key. Shutting ourselves off and not allowing others to see our beauty and essence doesn’t support people to open up, it just confirms to them that to stay closed down to each other is the way to be. I know for myself the day is very different if I stay open to everyone, meet them truly with my eyes and my whole body and see the instant changes in people, they light up and the heaviness and greyness disappears, this show the responsibility we no matter where we are and who we meet.

  8. Reading this reminds me of a recent encounter I had with a woman I had not met before. There were no words involved – but amidst a group singing activity, I met her eyes and simply smiled at her with all that I am. Suddenly she opened up, having been very defensive beforehand, and her face lit up her brilliant smile shone throughout the room. It was a very beautiful moment. The sense I had was that we ‘beam’ at each other when we are living all that we are – and beaming in our fullness is very hard to resist.

    1. Lovely example of how irresistible it is when someone opens their heart – enough to melt the strongest defences.

  9. Music to my heart Rebecca and a wonderful reflection of how, when we know the beauty and grace that we are within, the outer reflection changes with it. How gorgeous it is to see a woman walking in her true sacredness. As a man, it offers me the space to be equally sacred too.

  10. It is lovely to read about the joy you were able to share due to feeling so lovely inside and wanting to be seen. It made me realise that shyness keeps all that loveliness inside and keeps anyone else from knowing it as well.

  11. Beautiful claiming Rebecca, you shine, ‘With a growing sense of self, and acceptance of my own inner beauty, I have come to a place where I no longer want to hide and withdraw from the world. I want to shine! And when I shine I am seen!’

  12. I’m becoming more aware about the influence of Catholic Church in the place where I live in and how this moulded my natural way of being with others. By being educated from this religion there were rules to follow like being ‘good and obedient girl’ and not higlight too much from the flock or having to compromise what I felt to do it ‘right’. So my light became more and more shutt off during these years. I lost my sense of self-worth and my relationship with others became more and more calibrated and measured. I definitely closed my heart to myself in order to fit in this religion. Today after working with Universal Medicine I’ve come to understand what true love and true religion is about. It starts with myself, in accepting all the beauty that I am and connecting with my Soul. From this choice I’m enjoying very much how my relationships have transformed during the last years. There is more honesty, openess and realness but also more joy and appreciation for each other.

    Learning everyday from my Livingness is my new religion, is free of hidden rules, no one is less than others and there is no place to fit in as we all are the same sons of God.

  13. Being seen by men made me felt really umcomfortable and even guilty. Like if they see me as beautiful is because I did something to attract their attention. So then I would withdrawn and hide. Your sharing is very beautiful Rebecca because shows us how equally precious we are, men and women, and that there is no reason to hide simply because our light shines so bright. It brings me to walk with my open heart allowing my body moving freely regardless of what this choice may arise in others. Thank you

  14. Beautiful Rebecca and the same applies to women, dogs and everyone else. Why would we hold back our beauty for anyone. There is enough ugliness in the world, it’s time for loveliness 🙂

  15. How we are is so key to how others respond to this – as is explored in this sharing. It is a beautiful realisation that shows how the more we develop a relationship with ourselves that is loving and honouring, the more people around us are this with us naturally.

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