A while ago I saw a cute cropped top in a clothing store that I wanted to get. It wasn’t something I would usually feel drawn to, but I felt differently this time. This top is very simple, cut in from the shoulders and sitting slightly above my belly button. Usually I would think these tops looked too cute, too young, and I would just walk away. But to be more honest, I would not wear these tops because I felt they exposed too much of what I judged to be my weakness – my boniness.
I decided to get the top.
The first time I wore it, I was self-conscious. The top was loose on my body, and it was an extra small size! So I wore a cardigan on top of it. I went through in my head everything I could think of to fix the top so I could better accept myself. It was crazy.
The second time I wore the top, I decided to just go for it. I wore it just on its own – no cardigan, and unaltered. The bagginess which I had felt the first time I wore it somehow seemed to have lessened. The top was the same, unchanged, but I was different when I wore it, and there was a big difference felt. I wore it with a pair of high-waisted leggings to keep my belly button and waist warm, and a pair of supportive high heels. I decided to see how different it would be, if I just chose to walk with the whole of me. I started to love this top!
When I wore this top disconnected to myself, what I heard and felt were the judgments from myself as well as from the world on self-image. I was afraid of wearing this top, because I knew just by putting it on and walking out on the street with it, I would be bombarded by continuous comments from everywhere, such as “Look how skinny she is, I wish I was more like her”, “How disgusting that boniness, she must be sick!”. Which made me wonder… do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us? Or are they fed into us?
Are we being told by the world, in the images we see and the magazines we read, that our body image has to be a certain way? Do we feel that if we are not this way, then there is something wrong with us? Isn’t it true then that there is something wrong with every single person on this planet, as there can never be any perfection? But does that stop us from seeking perfection?
Working in the image, expressive arts and fashion industry, everyday I see the striving for the perfection of our body image. Our body has to be perfect, our skin has to be perfect, the way we express has to be perfect. When we are not perfect, there is no acceptance. We obsess about appearing to be perfect with the alteration of our clothes, our body parts digitally and/or physically, as well as by hiding our flaws in any way possible. There is also no acceptance of others, as gossip and cruel comments on each other’s body shape is also rampant.
Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper. This emptiness is seen in the eyes of many beautiful women and men, as well as in the lack of connection we have as human beings. So what are we telling the world when in this industry we display images of “perfection”? Are we not also telling the world that emptiness is the way to live and to be?
From not liking the top that I bought, to loving it, has been a process of deepening an acceptance of myself, and my body image. Accepting myself with tender loving understanding unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself. It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself. If we lived this way every day, how could we not be irresistible, to ourselves, and others?
We are amazing human beings, and emptiness is never our natural way. It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are, and by accepting ourselves, and our bodies, we can support each other to return to the deep power and beauty that can be expressed through us.
Forever inspired by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and learning with and from the body.
By Adele Leung, Image Director and Fashion Stylist, Hong Kong
You may also enjoy:
* Caring for our body from love, and building a true relationship with it:
Read about Body Image at UniMed Living.
* What if who you really are is glorious? Consider Self Esteem in a new light.
* How we live affects how we feel about our bodies: Jessica Williams talks about Body Image: Vintage pictures vs Modern ideals
Women in Livingness Blog 
Acceptance is one of the key ingredients in this soup of life! “It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself. If we lived this way every day, how could we not be irresistible, to ourselves, and others?”
This is such a key think for us to realise as there really is no such thing as perfection in our world: “Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper. This emptiness is seen in the eyes of many beautiful women and men, as well as in the lack of connection we have as human beings. So what are we telling the world when in this industry we display images of “perfection”? Are we not also telling the world that emptiness is the way to live and to be?”
Awesome sharing Adele from top to bottom! 😉 Love it!
‘do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us? Or are they fed into us?’
These days I’m becoming more aware about how the perception about myself was mostly conditioned by the ideas I had about me, the labels I put on myself and the self-judgemnt based on how I should or shouldn’t be. However when I connect with my body I can’t help but feel an endless beauty, a purity that comes from within. Honouring this fact it’s a process of discarding all that comes from these ideas and claiming more the delicacy and beauty of my being, which is far beyond any ideal picture that the outside world can provide and it’s equally in all of us.
Adele your joy and acceptance of yourself is very refreshing to feel. Love you being in the image industry for all what you are bringing from this deeper understanding about who we really are. Looking at the picture of you inspires me to celebrate myself in the same way. Thank you
As it is now and as our societies are set up, most children will lose self acceptance by the time they are 4, from there on becomes a often stressful journey of trying to feel some kind of worthiness from many different and sometimes dangerous sources. Sad how we are born with a level of self love that is not nurtured and expanded on as we grow older.
Self acceptance is the key and once we have this, we can walk anywhere and wear what feels true for us without needing the approval from others. The most valuable approval we can get is one that comes from self.
“hiding our flaws in any way possible” Trying to hide what we believe to be flaws is a way of drawing attention to them.
“We are amazing human beings, and emptiness is never our natural way” Oh yes, so well said Adele, as women we can be our own worst critics. It is our right to shine.
“It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself” – agree Adele it helps us to let go and in it [the acceptance] a beautiful look is guaranteed because of the embodied ease within.
When we deeply accept ourselves and all of who we are, there is a settlement in the body, because we’re no longer seeking anything externally to tell us or show us who we are, no longer trying to prove anything to anyone.
In my culture, a lot of people live or find their worth from the confirmation of their parents. But what if our parents or the world do not know true worth? Then what are we basing our own worth on a marker of?
Super well said Adele – and this can be a challenging belief or choice to let go of especially if we have grown up with this and had such a strong conditioning.
We absolutely see our bodies as a certain need – I know I have spent years comparing my body to others without the consideration that I am fed thoughts and that my body is very personal to my choices – as is everyone else’s.
Saying no to these thoughts is saying yes back to love.
Anytime we take the world literally – at face value – without considering our light and energy we are bound to find the world feeling like the wrong fit.
Always read and never ever let go of our innate worth before anything.
When we connect to ourselves we release the judgement and pursuit of perfection that bedevils so many. Beautiful to feel how your acceptance of yourself was reflected in the sassy way you wore your cute top.
“It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are,” Yay love it, I notice here in England people are becoming less and less interested in their appearance – it is a sign of general dissatisfaction and dis ease with oneself.
I love seeing love and care that one can put in their appearance I find it super inspiring and some times exposing as I can feel I have not put that same love and care into my own appearance.
Fashion wise it is a trend worldwide to dress disregard. So our choice is not just ours but a collective choice to dress and also live.
Emptiness does not feel good from any angle, ‘Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.’ So, acceptance of who we are, connecting, and letting go of perfection are great choices.
Love this Lorraine ’emptiness does not feel good from any angle’ and agree acceptance, connection and letting go are absolutely great choices to make.
Self acceptance is key to loving ourselves. As soon as we are critical about how we look our self worth plummets and we start to listen to the negative thoughts that come rushing in and drip feed us that there has to be something wrong with us. I have learnt to catch the negative thoughts before they take hold and it is amazing how much this can change how I feel about myself.
Such a simple awareness and simple approach Alison – simplicity truly does allow for us to let go of what does not work and embrace that which does. These inner critical thoughts do not serve us, and if fact can be very damaging if we do not stop them and allow instead a deep acceptance of ourselves to be our foundation.
Letting go of perfection and choosing to accept ourselves makes so much sense, ‘It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.’
The contrast is huge. Seeking for perfection takes me away from joy and accepting of myself builds joy within me.
Believing or holding another as being perfect and I am not them guarantees that I never allow myself to be the amazingness that I truly am that I have felt in another.
Comparison is deadly. Such an insidious game. Looking up to something or someone is believed to be adoration and respect, but the truth is it is harming to both sides.
” It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself. If we lived this way every day, how could we not be irresistible, to ourselves, and others?” Accepting and appreciating ourselves feels great and when we feel great we have no need of approval from others.
Appreciation is a process that deepens every day. It is not the same as having a goal and needing to achieve it as being a destination. This process is inspiration all the way.
I agree, accepting ourselves for all of we are is what shines out our true beauty..trying to get to somewhere else, a perfection or better, or giving up will never be the way to go.
” Which made me wonder… do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us? Or are they fed into us? ”
What a great questions , its very likely that thoughts are fed to us for it makes no sense that oneself could get to such a state of personal dislike with out some sabotaging mechanism.
When we focus on seeking perfection, we instantly negate focusing on the inner qualities that are ever-present within us all, that which truly represents everything that we naturally and exquisitely already are.
When we really start to appreciate ourselves amazing things start to happen..life starts to flow with ease, we feel more confident and at ease with ourselves. Life starts to feel so much more expansive when we appreciate and know we are worth caring for and loving.
Loving what you wear makes any clothing look and feel special as it has the feeling of self-love and acceptance of self in it. Being comfortable in our own skin and not falling for pre-conceived ideas about what our body shape or age should wear is incredibly freeing and lovely to feel.
Accepting and appreciating ourselves and then choosing clothing that reflects this is such fun and I am enjoying experimenting with things I would not have considered before but if I don’t feel amazing in it it does not deserve space in my wardrobe.
Love is never exclusive to a few. It is within us all so therefore there can not be any such thing as being bad or wrong. We are Love first and we can make woopies moments but these are not who we are.
Buying clothes has taken on a whole new meaning – when I am shopping now its super important for me to check in with myself what energy I am in, if I am in a “I want something to make me feel better” mood then I know that what ever I will buy will never be of a quality true to me, I can also buy things in a poverty conscious and a “that will do” energy.
When we are feeling awesome – with ourselves and loving our day we cannot not buy something to reflect this.
This blog is a great living example of how much our visual perception can change based on how we feel. When we don’t accept our body and natural beauty, things don’t look or feel right. When we do we, everything feels like a natural expression and there is no hiding that!
I find the eyes can dictate how we feel about ourselves if we are not present when we do look at our bodies, as we bring everything that we believe about ourselves in that glance. For me if this occurs, I simply close my eyes and allow myself to feel the truth of me and claim that as my truth so then my next move is one of love and complete confirmation.
We will forever see flaws in our outer appearance if we do not cherish who we are from deep within.
The clothes we wear and how we wear them represents how we feel about ourselves.
Beautiful photos Adele Leung. I can feel the joy and receive through my eyes the whole of you.
There is such freedom and settlement within ourselves when we accept ourselves as amazing, just as we are, and not defined by anything that we can do or how we look.
“I was different when I wore it” When we love someone it is not their outer appearance that we love but being within and so it is with ourselves when we appreciate all the love that we are within.
There have been countless times where I have changed my mind about wearing an item of clothing because of my thoughts, but that has proven to be an absolute lie, as when I have chosen to be fully with me as you describe Adele in what I am wearing, and not listen to my head but feel me, I felt absolutely gorgeous.
If theres a part of life we struggle to accept then theres a part of ourselves we’ve yet to accept. I am currently looking into my choice of clothing, not a subject that I get particularly excited over with most of my clothes being based on thermals. With this understanding of acceptance I wonder where this exploration into my wardrobe will take me. hmm…
Isn’t it telling how we have created a lucrative ‘image’ industry which as you point out Adele feeds on the belief that ‘when we are not perfect, there is no acceptance’.
The image and media industry that keeps pumping out this message is but a reflection of what we have chosen for ourselves. To make it about an image, an idea of how we ought to be that deep down we do know is false and always will be false.
Why do we do this? Because in creating this false image of ourselves we can keep ourselves caught up in the creation of life as it is today… a life we have carved out for ourselves that is void of the Divinity we are truly from.
Being attached to an image of what we think we should look like is a silent killer in a way – it’s like something we use against ourself to chip away at our self-worth and value and totally negates appreciating our natural body shape and look and the true joy that comes with that. It’s beautiful to see the photos of you enjoying being in your body and dressing how you felt to!
Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper. This is so true Adele, and we just don’t get to feel the truth of us which is also right there with us while we have those unloving thoughts.
This shows that clothes are just a confirmation of how we are in our bodies. And I totally relate to clothes feeling and looking completely different depending on how I am with myself. This is a great sharing Adele about the importance of our own relationship and looking at self worth and how we value ourselves.
It’s amazing how our movements and feelings about ourselves shifts, as we accept more of who we are. The true beauty is already there from birth, it is only our the old patterns and or behaviours we may have picked up overtime, that can hinder our inner radiance.
So often women go through this internal battle especially when dressing, about what they should and shouldn’t wear and giving themselves a hard time about supposed flaws that they might have etc.
Self-acceptance is rapidly becoming the most hugest part of life that I can express through every movement throughout the day because, as it turns out, there is always room to be in the appreciation of who I am.
I loved reading what you shared here Adele about accepting our bodies, I am seventy four years old and I am always wanting to cover up my arms so when I buy clothes it is always with that on my mind, it would be great to eventually buy what expresses my inner beauty regardless of the wrinkles and saggy skin, ” It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself. “
Being picture perfect never hits the mark, never allows for other factors / peoples choices in life nor accepts mistakes. So what does that momentary snapshot of reaching perfect actually achieve? What is it’s true value? I question my own pictures I may still be holding onto. Because they have to have a perceived value to me…
The fact that we can see ourselves as ugly in one second and showing off a second later shows how unhelpful it is to take these thoughts seriously. When we know who we are we realise that the thoughts are very surface level and a layer of internal chatter, underneath which lies great beauty, power and stillness.
Acknowledging that there can be no such thing as perfection in this realm and that it is an ill-pursuit of ours to try and strive for it, we could say that a ‘perfect body’ has more to do with how light and free we feel within it, rather than how encumbered we become striving to live up to a set image of what it should look like.
p.s you look super cute and sassy in this top Adele 🌟
This is truly beautiful Adele – “Accepting myself with tender loving understanding unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself.” – It’s like when we accept our innate beauty we give ourselves permission to shine and enjoy just being who we are rather than trying to compress ourself into an image that we think we should look like…
After years of self bashing and self abuse – self acceptance for me now is the only way I am going. We need to get this right for our children and our children children, we just can not afford to indulge in self criticism.
When we have a need to be perfect, we get terribly exhausted as there is no end in perfection, we adjust the line of what being perfect is and continue to strive perfection and this will never stop unless we say stop, accept who we are in truth and that our looks are perfectly imperfect for all of us.
“Which made me wonder… do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us? Or are they fed into us?” Yes great question, the nature of us human beings is not cruel or judgemental. Really if we think about it, we would not want to be judgemental of another or being judged ourselves. So there must be something like and ideal and belief we adopt which we live by from our heads thinking like ‘if someone is skinny she is ill and has a eating disorder’, which I sometimes do catch myself thinking when someone is really really skinny, but what we miss out of when we live from our heads is the understanding of the other person and truly feeling into why they are looking like they do and if it is maybe their natural body weight at the moment. I am going to be more aware of these instant thoughts as I can see how the reality can be at times totally different from what I believe I see.
Striving for perfection is a dead end that leaves us exhausted and totally beside ourselves as we are trying anything under the sun to make ourselves into something that is not possible in physicality. It does show though that innately we do know that we are more than flesh and bone.
The most beautiful thing a woman could wear is the love that she is.
This is so true Ariana, but probably not something that many women (or men) consider before buying something new or even getting dressed for the day. When you break it down like that, to just being a piece of cloth that can make us feel better, it does seem utterly ridiculous. If we focus on how we feel about ourselves, and then dress in accordance wiht that, then we will look a million dollars whatever we are wearing.
To not accept ourselves first whatever shape, colour size etc. that we are, then we are also saying we do not accept others and sit in judgement on all. The truth is that we do need to first love ourselves before we can love others.
A beautiful sharing Adele which offers women an opportunity to also accept their bodies no matter what size or shape they are.
It is by acceptance and not a need to perfect or change ourselves that true change will naturally happen.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty” So true Adele needing to look a certain way is not only exhausting but is also deeply harming.
I am super pleased you shared your story – You look dame hot Adele. – it is up to all of us to claim without doubt we are beautiful.
Self acceptance is a beauty elixir for life and when we deepen our acceptance for self we begin to observe changes in the way we dress, do our hair and apply our makeup. Each movement is a forever deepening exploration of life and how we live it. Awesome sharing thank you Adele.
Adele, I have found that the Our Cycles App as introduced by Natalie Benhayon has massively supported me to bring greater appreciation and acceptance to who i am. The app provides a list of words that honour and celebrate women from their core, to enter into a dialogue with this list each night is to explore the grandness of who we are and what we bring; our true beauty expressed and embodied.
All the time we accept exhaustion, self doubt and lack of confidence as everyday moods, but as you’ve shared Adele ’emptiness is never our natural way’ and we do have a right to strut our stuff and really love ourselves to the max.
Great questions Adele that are well worth asking of ourselves in regards to where our thoughts are coming from. Are they honouring us or abusing us? The call for perfection comes from the world outside of us, for within, our essence knows only love and the joy of living in honor of our love. When we are in separation from our love within we allow our thoughts, imposed from the world outside of us, to misguide us to believing that we are less that the deliciousness of who we truly already are.
I have recently too started to buy a few tummy tops, I was unsure at first and now I love them, I went through a similar process but mine was to do with worrying about people thinking I was trying to be too young. You look awesome, I know now that I do too, if I could post a photo of me in my tops I would but I am sure you believe me. I think this blog is super cute but also very powerful, thanks Adele.
It is great to follow through on buying a piece of clothing if you feel that it will reflect your natural expression. Sometimes this can be challenging, of the ideas we have about the way we look and what is appropriate to wear. But this is a good thing, as challenging beliefs is very freeing.
Absolutely. If we can feel and see this is any part of our day, and make it a way of life every day we are laying a foundation for great personal empowerment.
“We are amazing human beings, and emptiness is never our natural way. It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are, and by accepting ourselves, and our bodies, we can support each other to return to the deep power and beauty that can be expressed through us.” I love the truth that resonates in my body from these words. They are powerful and healing in the message they deliver.
I absolutely agree Ariana. The pressures any woman experience in terms of her body image is asking us to deepen the lived love with ourselves. Nothing–no piece of clothing, body shape or any confirmation from the outside can truly secure our body image. We will only truly feel a settlement when we feel the love within us.
The value put on being confirmed is not a true value. It makes me tolerate the pressures from everyone and everywhere else and give power to them.
Good on you Adele! It’s such a shame that for most of us, our default mechanism is to judge and scorn. What a waste of time, just always being unhappy with ourselves and others, for what reason? Because we don’t look like the picture says we should. It’s really ridiculous.
To have pictures of perfection is to say to ourselves we will never reach our full potential–this is a false value we have placed on us to not live the responsibility of feeling truth and moving from there.
It is always amazing to keep stock of ourselves. This blog was written one and half years ago, and the beginning process of accepting back my own body is amazing to observe, as how far I have come today and how my body has responded with more acceptance and love for myself, what is more amazing is this process is ceaselessly deepening.
I spent some time recently with some girl friends, we where at an event and most of us had dressed up a little bit. What I found so interesting to observe was how it didnt matter if they where wearing casual clothes or something beautiful, what made the outfit look amazing what if it matched or was an expression of who they are in full – one friend was wearing somethign loose and casual and yet looked no less beautiful because it felt like the right thing for her to be wearing – you could feel she wasnt doing it to make herself less or because she took less care, but because thats what felt true. Conversly, another friend had dressed up, and yet what they where wearing didnt feel like it exrpressed them in full – in someway even though it was technially dressy, it felt like holding back all the beauty that they are. For me it was an amazing lesson that it is not about the physical clothes we wear but why we wear them and what they express to the world.
If it is our natural right to enjoy and express how irresistible we are, then articles like this are key in supporting women to accept ourselves and our bodies. There is nothing more lovely than a woman walking and going about her day in the full loveliness of herself.
How do we feel our natural Irresistability? I find that this truth can be accessed much more when I deepen the love in my body by caring for myself and not holding back my fullness in my movements. When there is something which prevents me from moving in this fullness, I lose my natural Irresistability right away. So I simply get up and move again.
Just goes to show how it is not about the item of clothing as such but what we load it up with – our hang-ups, prejudices, self-judgments and the need for perfection, this forever unachievable goal that always raises the bar higher on what is already unattainable and unrealistic from the very start. You look gorgeous in that outfit, by the way, because you are gorgeous.
We focus so much on how we should look we rarely appreciate how we do look. I wonder if the reason for that is we actually know there are decisions we are making that feed the body to not look how we know it can look? I don’t mean fitting into some kind of media designated ideal, I mean our natural body shape – whatever that may be.
Recently I have been given a deeper opportunity to even accept myself more and to share this reflection—to look everywhere without veils and with no more blinding of truth. Bring it on.
Love your crop top Adele. I recently bought an outfit for a fancy dress party. When I tried it on it looked great, but there was some hesitation about the dress length. I worried for a few moments about whether it was too short and what people might think of a woman my age wearing it. I realised it was my judgement of myself that got in the way. I’m glad to say I did wear the dress and I looked (and felt) fab in it.
“…..do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us? Or are they fed into us?” This is a great question Adele. We are so easily influneced by our thoughts, good or bad, but if we considered that it may be possible that our thoughts are not our own, then we have to ask so where do they come from? Could it be that we are constantly being fed thoughts that will distract us away from what we know to be true, and that is that we are enough just as we are, and we need nothing or no one to justify our existence? If this were the case, the whole fashion industry, and every other industry for that matter would have to take a long hard look at the way it conducts itself and how much it takes advantage of our vulnerability as human beings.
Self acceptance is a great surrender to the amazingness we are within, I am discovering this more and more lately and it is reflected in my make up and clothing choices too. It is also so much fun too.
This is such a great example Adele how we can let pictures run our lives for us. You trusted your impulse in liking the top and took it home to play with what it had to teach and share with you. If you had followed you first thought of ‘no’ the gift of appreciation for your loveliness would have been on hold for another occasion to arise to present it to you with a choice of “ready”? The divine impulse to fully return to all of our loveliness is always with us – it’s the volume of the ‘no’ that acts as a filters and our appreciation that flushes the filter out.
I love it that it wasn’t the top that changed, but the way you were when wearing it. When faced with our wardrobes we can be bombarded with thoughts. Thoughts about what others with think, how others will react, thoughts about our body…it can be a hard place to navigate! If we cut them out and come back to the clarity of ourselves – what would we choose to wear and how would we wear it?
‘It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are’ – Totally gorgeous Adele. It’s crazy that when we find an item of clothing that really confirms how beautiful we feel that we even consider what others might think… We absolutely should dress in a way that makes us feel sexy, sassy and gorgeous, and shopping this way totally exposes the corruption of fashion where everyone is encouraged to go with a certain trend or ‘look’ that for many doesn’t feel natural.
Love will say no to thoughts which tell us we are less, as that is clearly not from love.
Re-reading your blog Adele reminded me of a top I bought awhile ago. Whilst trying it on in the shop and standing in front of a communal mirror another lady about the same age as myself was offered the same top to try on. She replied ‘oh no, thats too young for me.’ She looked at me somewhat negatively and said ‘thats for young people.’ This could have put me off but I felt gorgeous in this top, and loved the flow and feel of the material. I have worn this top many times – it goes with so many things in my wardrobe – and every time I wear it someone comments on how gorgeous it is! It was a great example for me of staying true to what we feel is true for us and not being guided by ideals and beliefs.
Adele I have to admit that once upon a time i would of been that person who ‘wished I looked like you’ and was thinner than I am. As you share it from your side I can see the full picture of having ill thoughts fed to us. By me comparing myself to you I am not appreciating you or myself. By you going out into the world weary of people like me, you are holding back. It is a pretty scary cycle we get ourselves into – comparison when really we miss the value and appreciation we can bring to others which is far more important than the physical. I love how you claimed yourself in full – this is an inspiration to so many of us that there is so much more to the games we play. And by you bringing the fullness of who you are, I can say you look amazing in that top.
‘Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.’ I love this quote. I have sought perfection all of my life but this need is starting to dissipate as acceptance emerges like a beautiful flower in the concrete.
‘It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself’ – these lines jumped out at me this morning as I read this blog because I have been feeling differently about my body these last few months, more appreciative and loving the clothes I wear. In the past I would be very critical, but now I do not have the need to be perfect.
Julie accepting our own grandness brings us to not having to be perfect, as ironic as it may seem, perfection is what keeps us from knowing our glory. Accepting that we don’t need to be perfect opens us up to what is truth–that we are all grand.
I find when I am confident and walk with all of presence on how my body is moving, I feel radiant in all that I wear. I particularly love long flowing dresses and skirts at the moment and when we hold ourselves in this way, wow it feels sensational.
That just feels like a deepening acceptance of tenderness Kelly which was confirmed in your face and movements when I last saw you.
There has been many times when I have picked up a garment and then put it back down again, not because I didn’t like it but because of the attention I imagined it would bring. Traditionally I have always wanted to blend in and not stand out. Its a shame that I have chosen to hide away rather than sparkle and be seen regardless. This habit is slowly changing.
We are all changing as women. Many pieces of clothing I would never wear in the past I am feeling to wear now to express deeper how it feels to be a woman. I smile tenderly at the reactions that come from those around me, that there will be reactions with a woman not holding back expressing herself. I always come back to the purpose and intention and the quality of such an expression and keep expressing with a smile.
Its interesting how different clothing can look when we wear it, not for it to make us look good, but as an expression of ourselves. Even work out clothes or a simply outfit can look a million dollars when the person carrying the clothes feels that way.
“I was different when I wore it” So true Adele. When we move with a lack of self worth not even the most glamorous, well cut clothing will make us feel good but when we connect to our inner beauty then that shines through with every move we make
Beautiful Adele. With every step confirming the natural beauty of the woman you are.
Adel great blog showing us how it is our own self-doubt our own pre judgment that can make an outfit look or feel bad. Take the the same out fit and accept fully who we are and we look and feel amazing. Its not ever just the clothing it is how we choose to wear it.
When what is felt within is a constant relationship lived, there is no need to fret or focus so much with what is on the outside, which is not to say do not pay attention to how we dress or the care we can put our make up on. But there is a huge difference if aesthetics come purely from the outside or if the expression of beauty comes from within us—they may look similar, but the feeling is hugely differently and this also trains our eyes to “see” what is truth.
There is no such thing as perfection. I agree the ‘perfection’ that the fashion industry trys to create is just emptiness. With your question ‘Are we being told by the world, in the images we see and the magazines we read, that our body image has to be a certain way?’ I would definitely say yes, growing up and from seeing the images on magazines I thought I wasn’t lovely, pretty, had good skin etc. I would constantly compare myself to the women and girls I saw in magazines putting myself down. The other day when buying a pair of jeans the size 12 fitted me fine but in a flash a thought came into my head that they weren’t a 10 and my jeans at the moment are a 10 so I must have put on weight etc!!!!! It was good to catch this thought so it didn’t have a hold over me and I instead appreciated what I felt within my body.
There are some important comments in this blog about the emptiness we subscribe to as a result of our attachment to ideals. And about the gossip we indulge in about each other – the comparison and jealousy and judgement. Adele’s story points to a radically different way we can be – a way that completely re-imprints how we are with ourselves and others. A beautiful telling of a great set of learnings, thank you!
‘I decided to see how different it would be, if I just chose to walk with the whole of me.’ And there it is – the transformative effect of walking in our power. In this place we could happily rock in a hessian sack!
As women, it is something very huge and amazing to accept ourselves for who we are, despite the way we look.
I love this blog – your acceptance and appreciation for yourself is so inspiring and so beautifully reflected in the photos.
Love, love, love reading this. Reminds me that there is nothing wrong with me, I actually don’t have to change a thing about myself. I am amazing and there is no need to apologize, just being me is enough. Not chasing thoughts that say otherwise, or doing things to try to confirm otherwise is a work in progress which is reflected big time in regard to clothing. I can wear things that don’t have to be glamorous or sophisticated for me to shine. Choosing clothes that I like and not worry how others see me is all about me accepting me.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.” I like what you are saying here, it is exactly what we are doing, we simply hover on the surface and thus are completely blinded by this thin outer crust that we have made our normal and the change that we need does not lie in something completely new, but it lies underneath, always there – the depth of our own beauty free of any image or ideal.
Recently I bought a dress to go to my brothers wedding. The dress is figure hugging and the colours in the dress suit me but the main reason I bought the dress was the beautiful, delicate, silk material it is made out of. The feel of the material on my skin feels so lovely that every time I put it on, it confirms the quality of delicacy within me.
The perfect body is unattainable, firstly because it doesn’t exist and that it has been made up. With the image, somewhat changing every decade or so.
When looking out our body we shouldn’t measure it from head to toe to get a grading but instead, acknowledge how it is and see that the body is a reflection of how we have lived in it.
The key to the perfect body is letting go of the image but living in a way that is perfectly supportive to you which brings forth. The perfect shape and size for us individually.
It is shocking how we make it about an artificially created outer shell with the attempt to achieve some kind of perfect image at the expense of our innately beautiful, deeply loving and warm nature, that otherwise would fill up this shell with all its gorgeousness.
Adele Lung raises a very important point here when she asks, that if there is no perfection, then why do we continue to seek it in ourselves and in eachother?
What I’m learning more and more is that as women we should never be afraid to show off our sexiness and how gorgeous we are – the world needs more true sexiness and gorgeousness for sure – who are we to hold it back?
Its an interesting question of where these thoughts come from? The self judgement that can cripple us from doing something we want to try but are simply too self conscious to follow through on. Are we tapping into the judgement that we can feel from other people, and I think this is particularly relevant for women. And/or is our own lack of self worth allowing another energy to feed us thoughts that limit us, that keep us less?
Thats very true Adele and beautifully expressed “It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are, and by accepting ourselves, and our bodies, we can support each other to return to the deep power and beauty that can be expressed through us.” Perfection in expression is truth and not the distraction of the false images of a perfect physical body.
We are physically designed to not be perfect, why strive then to be perfect?
How many times have I adjusted what I would wear for fear of what others might think. When in fact, the self abating thoughts that I would personally have are what would cause me the most harm.
What powerful and inspiring message Adele that what is able to expresses through us is depends on the degree of love we hold ourselves in. And I love this quote ” … by accepting ourselves, and our bodies, we can support each other to return to the deep power and beauty that can be expressed through us.”
The trend in fashion should be to wear clothes that express the beauty we are, then this inspires others to also express the beauty that they are.
This blog made me think back at times where I used to buy clothing items that I really liked but actually did not fit and pressure myself to lose a bit more weight where ever was needed to fit the item I bought. I lived with this ridiculous idea that if I could fit into this particular item I would have the perfect figure. Of course I now can look back and know that this was ridiculous, but even more I see how I did not accept myself and wanted to fit a certain image of how I thought I needed to look as a woman. Nowadays I more often choose to wear clothing that confirm me and I am working on deepening my expression through the close that I wear, then using it as a cover up of who I am.
It is true, sometimes the thoughts we have are not positive, they are not supportive and if left unchecked can do great ongoing harm.
and then it becomes not about what we wear but how we are in what we wear and that how we wear our clothes and what we choose becomes a natural extension to how we express ourselves.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.” Most aptly expressed, perfection is an image we try to achieve that is flat in its making and does not to any degree capture the depth and beauty we are.
Loved this Adele. The only thing that can truly make us feel uncomfortable in our own skin/clothes is us. When we choose to accept and take on the ideals and pictures of life.
It is amazing how differently we can perceive ourselves when we connected to our love and when we don’t.. You totally rock that top Adele.
This a beautiful example demonstrating that when we are truly connected to the core of our essence expressing and emanating the love that we are and self-criticism falls away.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.” It is from exploring and getting to know who we are that deepens the appreciation and acceptance for self, that is the true beauty and love for life that is so gorgeous to feel. When we embrace this learning life is full of colour and spark expressed from the honesty our bodies speak.
I really enjoyed your expression and your blog Adele. After years of not being so considerate of what I wear I have found an interest in clothes returning. Great to be feeling what is of true importance as I do this. Thank you.
“It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.”-so well claimed Adele, especially the way you walked in confidence and in transparency in your photo.
This setting ourselves up for failure based on an external image is unfortunately a trap many (if not most) of us have fallen into at some point or another, and which keeps perpetuating itself as long as we keep focusing on the external. Bringing our focus back to who we truly are within however enables us to break free of this cycle and appreciate and accept ourselves (and others) for our true essence and qualities.
Hi Adele, I love how you take ordinary moments and bring a fullness to them. This is a beautiful way to express and it is very enjoyable to read. Thank you.
So beautiful Adele that you chose not to hide and present to the world the joy and beauty that is you and your clothes just confirm this innate beauty. Shining from the inside out.
What if we dressed to confirm what we feel inside (i.e. delicate, powerful, sexy, beautiful, fragile, joyful) instead of dressing for it to bring us something ( i.e. attention, recognition, admiration etc. )
Beautifully expressed Carolien- it is so important to appreciate and confirm who we are within and the way we dress is one example of this. Imagine if everyone dressed like this?
great to come back to this Loretta as I recently noticed that sometimes when dressing for particular work occasions I still consider how others would perceive me or react to me. It is a learning to trust that I know what to wear at anytime and that this then will not just be right for me but for everyone i will meet that day. (even if the react 😉 )
One generation sees a curvaceous woman as being the ideal body shape, and the next celebrates a skinny figure. Body image is purely about perception, and what we need to question more deeply, is what fosters that perception. In Vietnam, women crave white skin, whilst in Australia, women crave brown skin. Crazy. But understandable. If you have self worth issues as a women, which most do, then you will always think that you issues have to do with the way you look, when the truth is if you deal with the self worth issue, you will automatically change your perception of how you look by default. So the real issue is not one of body image, but rather one of worth. And women are worth the world, if only they stopped playing small, and acknowledged their own natural grace.
There will always be tension when we do not express in our every movement who we truly are, women, men, all people in the world. How far can we numb ourselves to not know and live this truth and accept tension as normal, is our choice and we will continue receiving more opportunities to come back to this truth until we get it. We cannot tell anyone what they should or should not do, only by us appreciating and feeling our own preciousness so deep that tension is not worth it to be in our daily lives, that we will begin to truly live and this reflection is powerful.
Adele, yes this is very true, ‘Are we being told by the world, in the images we see and the magazines we read, that our body image has to be a certain way?’ Since i have stopped looking at magazines and watching T.V and films I find that im no longer trying to live up to a certain body type, i have found a love for my body shape and enjoy wearing the clothes that I feel to wear and have recently been enjoying wearing fitted dresses which show my lovely curves, it is gorgeous to accept my body the way it is and to not be trying to live up to a certain look.
Its quite a heavy energy to carry when gossip and cruel remarks are made towards our way of dressing or simply the way we look. Could this be because ‘they themselves’ making those remarks are striving for ‘perfection’ a look to shout to the world I’ve made it! I feel from my own experience we ourselves can be our harshest critics and as long as we keep deepening our acceptance of ourselves consistently, we just shine no matter what we wear.
“It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself. “- yes, Adele I could relate to you in regards to certain dress.
We have an image of how we should dress fed to us, and when this doesn’t match the image we judge ourselves . However, by deepening our connection to the qualities we innately are we can feel the truth, and we naturally express this outwardly.
A wise and beautifully expressed blog Adele. So true that it is acceptance of the beauty of who we are, not the way we look that is important. Beauty is definitely more than skin deep.
“It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.”- Such an important point Adele. And I must say in the photo you look simply gorgeous in that top you bought. I can feel the deep appreciation and love you hold for yourself from within. Very inspiring.
Adele it is very inspiring how you have embraced your body and let go of what other people might think. So often we have a dialogue with ourselves about what could happen before it has actually happened, so we set ourselves up with the anxiousness that it might come true. But really, we just block the opportunity we have to accept in full who we are. I am pregnant at the moment and my body is changing rapidly, and this has been a huge learning for me, as someone who was very tied to the ‘perfect toned body’ To allow my body to now change completely, whilst I am working on it, does actually feel amazing and as if I’m starting to accept myself more and more.
I love how it is not so much about our clothes but more about the essence of what we naturally hold as women and our expression of this in our movements, clothes, communication and most of all our eyes.
A powerful and true statement Adele – “Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper. This emptiness is seen in the eyes of many beautiful women and men, as well as in the lack of connection we have as human beings.”
When we allow and accept every little particle of our being in we open ourselves to the absolute beauty we hold. That is truly sexy and shines from every particle too.
Perfectionism is a big trap in this world which fuels jealousy, comparison, competitiveness and low self esteem etc. We get lost devoting so much energy into these negative aspects of human existence that the ability to recognise and appreciate beauty is buried under the mess. Most people don’t even know they have a choice and so the cycle perpetuates itself over and over again. What you have shown Adele is that it is possible to put a stop to this type of existence and to reveal the other side of ourselves which sparkles with beauty and joy. Now that is true living!
Adele it was so lovely the journey you had from a simple top coming to the loving choice of acceptance, truly inspiring. As human beings we have all placed the importance of being perfect in how we look like and everything we do. As you said we are trying to fill that emptiness that is always there. As women we are bombarded with the ideals and beliefs that beauty starts from the outside and we are always looking to make ourselves perfect. Beauty is from within the divine love that we are and it does not matter what we wear or look like it all comes from the true acceptance of self as you said and how we live each day, loving and appreciating our own bodies and not comparing with each other.
“From not liking the top that I bought, to loving it, has been a process of deepening an acceptance of myself, and my body image”.
Accepting yourself with love and tenderness is such an inspiration and powerful message for me Adele.
I really love what you have shared here; I love how you accept and appreciate yourself, your inner beauty and wisdom and your body.
Adele this is a great article, I had a very similar experience with a pair of shorts recently. When I initially put them on I loved them and felt how sexy I was in them. I then allowed doubt to come in as I don’t usually wear shorts – and as soon as that doubt was let in there was a flood of thoughts waiting there to tell me how rubbish I looked in them, how I was too ‘fat’ for them – and the list goes on. This amazed me as I went from truly feeling sexy and free to bombarded in a matter of a few minutes. This is the power giving our power away to doubt can be. When I put them on again recently I got dressed and felt the sexiness back again. I knew to embrace this as the truth that I know, and leave no space for the other thoughts. If I allow the other thoughts, it just perpetuates the cycle of thoughts and behaviours that are available to disturb other women the world over. This is the responsibility we hold with the thoughts we allow – and how awesome the antidote is allowing ourselves to be sexy!
So well said Amelia. The thoughts really do just flood in. Like opening a damn the rush of negative imposing thoughts can fill our minds to overflowing all just from what we have picked up via the media and throughout all of life. The more we give energy to these thoughts the more powerful the become for all of us and hence our collective responsibility to not accept such forms of action and thought as being a part of normal society
This is a great question Adele: “Which made me wonder… do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us? Or are they fed into us?” If I observe my thoughts they actually do not make sense, they can be very harsh and if I am not care they are like that all the time. What I found is that the thoughts come from the way I am with myself, the way I move and how I hold myself. If this in tenderness and preciousness my thoughts are appreciating too as it is the other way around.
Beautiful Adele, it is such a process of learning to accept ourselves, our bodies. I have days where I can truly love what I see, accepting the saggy bits, the dimply bits and the like, then I have days where I can judge all those things on my body I don’t feel ‘measure up’. It is the pictures I hold that I am trying to measure myself against. Those days are getting fewer and fewer, but they are still there. This is definitely still a work in progress, but appreciating just how much I have developed within myself and accepting my body.
Such a beautiful sharing Adele. When you expressed ‘walking with the whole of me’ completely captures the feeling of celebrating all of you in your beauty with no holding back. This reminded me of a short skirt I recently purchased and having similar feelings – but when I chose to embrace all of me my skirt was just a part of that celebration of how I felt. Not seeking approval from another and definitely not holding back.
It is lovely to read so many women accepting how beautiful they are and expressing this. It comes from a fullness of love for ourselves, the fullness being our natural state. The more we are this the more everyone will be encouraged to express their amazing selves.
Great to re-read this blog Adele and be reminder just how powerful it is when we simply accept ourselves in full, and there is always deeper layers of acceptance to unravel.
Adele I love how you have written that: “emptiness is not our natural way”. So what feeds the emptiness? The media is a powerful sources combined with reactions and comparisons from others. By just reminding ourselves that this behaviour is not the norm we move closer to being real about who we are and what we look like seems little in comparison.
It is gorgeous that you have found that it was through a greater acceptance of yourself and not through achieving unattainable perfection, that you have deepened your appreciation for how beautiful you truly are. This is such a powerful lesson for us all, for we have fallen for the illusion that beauty is something you bring from the outside not through the connection to and embracing of what lies within.
“It was through a greater acceptance of yourself and not through achieving unattainable perfection, that you have deepened your appreciation for how beautiful you truly are. ” This is so important for every woman to learn and know, especially since the fashion industry, modelling, acting, society in general is telling us that we need to fit into a certain look to be accepted. But no one is teaching our children the value of self love and self appreciation, which leads to self acceptance.
Thank you Adele for sharing your experience. How often I have bought something only to leave it the wardrobe for a season sometimes before I feel comfortable to wear it in public! I am slowly realising that it doesn’t matter what someone else may think of it, after all it is about nurturing myself and trusting that I will not wear anything that is inappropriate or distasteful. Loving ourselves enough to wear lovely clothes if that is what we choose brings out the inner beauty too.
Identifying with needing to fit an image or indeed perfection in any sense keeps us separated from our natural beauty and the beauty within. The more we choose to let go of the picture the more we are able to discover and accept the true beauty that is always there waiting for us.
Absolutely Kathryn – letting go of the images we hold to embrace the true realness of who we are is more than we could ever imagine.
“The top was the same, unchanged, but I was different when I wore it”. This is very revealing Adele; when we are connected and confident we radiate our inner beauty.
A wonderful and very powerful lesson for me thank you Adele. The top, and you, look divinely gorgeous.
When alchemy is presented, those who choose to be inspired will accept it, but this choice always lie with the receiver.
Absolutely spot on, Adele. Images are so powerful in the way that they portray beautiful people with wonderful lives. Therefore most of us grow up, myself included, feeling less than, like we are not ever enough. However, through the teachings of Universal Medicine, I too am learning how just by truly connecting to me and my body, I can feel that I am always enough. I don’t have to have the latest fashion item, I don’t have to be a size 0 or have the latest Prada handbag. Simply by moving with me, in my rhythm, I can feel more amazing than any of these things can bring. Incredible!
When we are connected to ourselves we exude confidence and it shows through everything we express. We walk with grace and flow and it is a gorgeous way to be in and with the world. Thank you Belinda.
And it is because of the power of images, that energetic responsibility is of first and foremost importance in expression. We have to wake up to the fact that in the world there is much more to what our eyes can see.
I love what you have exposed here on perfectionism amd how it masks yet justifies the emptiness we so often are indulging when seeking to be what we think the world wants us to be.
Felicity you have just exposed the what is happening in the Fashion world presently.
I love how this top and how you felt about it became a journey in self acceptance- that was the issue, not the clothing. I love how you worked through it too, this is an excellent example of how women can turn the tables on these thoughts that blind us to our true awesomeness, which has never left us.
Oh, and the show-stopping line for me also: “It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are…”
I’m on board for this here train, 100% – toot, toot!
When we do not resist our true self, how can we not be irresistable! The absolute Love for ourselves is a birth right and it is normal.
And thus it is a choice we wilfully make to deny the fact.
Thank-you Adele.
Love your complete honesty and willingness to self-explore and discovery, as always Adele! In this, you smash the so dominant culture that endlessly pursues such false ideals of ‘perfection’, and you return us to the fact that true perfection already rests within each and every one of us – for we are all from God and perfect in his Love. In this, there is no ‘more’.
Adele, I just loved this blog, you really know how to express in full and it is very inspiring to read. I especially loved this line…..”It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are!” So incredibly beautiful.
I agree Raegan – permission to express how irresistible we are, accepted in full!
“It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself”. This is something for me to take through the day Adele. Acceptance and appreciation of myself.
Irresistible Adele you look just awesome in your beautiful top and I love what you share about your process of getting to accept yourself wearing it. This sentences is a really important one for me: “It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.” I agree acceptance is one of the greatest thing we can do for ourselves. It was the key for me to start to deeply love myself and others and just to answer your question – if we all lived this way every day I am sure the world would look and feel completely different.
Perfectionism is a very tough task-master keeping us forever seeking and searching for more outside of ourselves, forgetting the connection to the inner heart within which brings the light and love of life and people to our eyes.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper. This emptiness is seen in the eyes of many beautiful women and men, as well as in the lack of connection we have as human beings”.
When I think of how often I am critical about what I wear and how I look it reveals how much lack of acceptance I have, it’s great to realise as I will be making appreciating myself a big priority from now on, especially when I dress.
Have you ever considered the extent to which clothing has an effect on our expression? While there are some pieces of clothing that highlight it and help us to connect to ourselves, others do not. How we walk, move, act when wearing a piece versus another? What is that we are confirming through our choice of clothing? Isn’t choosing the clothing a decision that follows a previous one of whether we want to connect or disconnect from ourselves?
Any piece of clothing that does not feel harmonious when put together with what we feel is our Essence, is a holding back and an abuse we have accepted. That is where the value of a true fashion stylist comes in—and we can all be that stylist when we discern in reading energy.
I recently opted for a haircut that was intended to make me feel better about myself, much like we see celebrities re create themselves, the forays of changing the exterior to fix the interior will never work, as my hair cut has clearly shown me, the beauty of karma is that i now have to gracefully wear the choice until it grows out.
Nothing is more precious than the awareness gained, the rawness felt, and the opportunity to live again what we know from within, that we are enough—and look how this changes our external reality. Lucinda the beauty of acceptance is powerful, gracefully growing out hair? That could be a trend.
lucindag I love what you share here “I now have to gracefully wear the choice until it grows out.” Once I had to wear a haircut until it grows out as well and for me it was also a good lesson to allow myself to see deeper who I am truly are.
I went to a fashion event last night and it was packed full of socialities, celebrities and fashion people, everyone was dressed perfectly and it was a job to appear as perfectly as possible for a Friday event as such. Everyone looked beautiful outwardly and there were a lot of mingling, but I could also feel a lot of tension around. I was dressed in a sweater, a pair of jeans and a pair of loafers and had the best 30 mins there with everyone, then felt hungry so I left to head home to cook.
Gorgeous blog, Adele! How else could it be coming from gorgeous you?
Seating in the cafe in the middle of London and looking around at people I can imaging how defferent world could be if everyone is accepting and appreciating him or herself – it makes me smile. It will not happen overnight but eventually we will get there.
Thank you Adele and UniMed for constant reflection and expression of the true beauty.
Absolutely Elena, it has already happened, and the more consistent we are in accepting ourselves and expressing that fully, the sooner the world will meet us with the same. How powerful we all are and what responsibility we all carry.
Well said Elena, and I agree! I’ve always found it interesting to see how the styles change for young people – what’s trendy one year may change the next, and a lot of people blindly follow ‘popular’ clothing rather than actually feeling what’s true to wear for them. It would be hugely different if people wore things to appreciate themselves.
I love this blog Adele. I find it inspirational. Thank you for sharing.PS I love the photo as well, it put a great big smile on my face, I think you look fantastic. And I can feel your fantastic-ness !
Being perfect is an ideal we grow up with but it is so insidious, an unachievable goal that leaves us never feeling enough. Your picture says it all Adele because you have claimed you, what ever you wear or how you look does not detract or try to hide who you are. I see a slender and graceful woman who is enjoying being who she is. “It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.” So true Adele
All it took for me in the past was to hear a negative comment of how I looked which would completely change the way that I felt no matter what I was wearing – holding onto this only confirmed my lack of acceptance of how I truly saw/felt within myself and the way in which I was living replicated this. Now adding self love/self nurturing into my way of living has opened up a whole new way of feeling and a connection to something much deeper and more precious. Now wearing clothes to how I feel and share to the world that no matter what remark or outside influences comes my way – it does not penetrate for me to hide (my inner beauty) behind another baggy jumper. By the way Adele you look amazing.
Marion, in the past I would be bothered when others commented that I look tired. I held onto the belief that I cannot be seen with people unless I was perfect, so until I feel and look absolutely perfect then I would not show myself to the world, how crazy is this. What the world is dying to see is not perfection, but how deeply accepting we are of ourselves, and that begins with us first accepting us. So one day I just decided to go out in the world and just be me even though I didn’t sleep very well the night before and did feel tired, I was being gentle to myself but did not hide anymore, that simple choice began to change a lot of things in my life. I agree, self love and self nurturing are game changers, and not hiding anymore was the love to me.
‘What the world is dying to see is not perfection, but how deeply accepting we are of ourselves, and that begins with us first accepting us.’ You inspire me Adele, to deepen my self acceptance and choose acceptance of myself instead of listening to voices in my head, which are really only a distraction to keep everything as it is. Acceptance of myself asks me to be more of me and as you’ve described can be challenging from time to time but worth every step I take.
“do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us? Or are they fed into us?”- I agree with you Adele- because as you just proved when you walked connected with your lovliness and sexiness as a woman you felt amazing and looked radiant being your true self. Unlike when you walked disconnected, negative thoughts came pouring into your head.
This blog is really a life changer and holds the key principles to support many a young girl and woman to full accept and embrace the divine perfection she already is.
Wouldn’t it be lovely if this is how young girls were taught to feel about themselves and their clothes? We would see the world transform overnight if young girls lived this self-love from a young age.
Absolutely Tracy and we need to be asking the question as to why we are not sharing what is so innate and true with our young people as foundations for knowing who they are. I know this starts within ourselves, in our homes as parents and within an education system that acknowledges this as a key subject no less than maths or english.
I keep coming back to this blog. It is such a confirmation for us all. “Accepting Ourselves and our Bodies: an Expression of True Beauty” A beautiful celebration. Thank you Adele.
Adele, it’s the joy evident in your eyes in your photos that captivates me, not your outfit or body shape or size. I could look at you all day and see your beauty. Joy is held in your eyes but your beauty emanates from your full body.
Elizabeth, you have just inspired me that looking truly into our own eyes and another eyes is the most amazing confirmation of ourselves and each other we can live. Everyone can live that, we have all the tools (and it doesn’t cost a penny) to appreciate and confirm ourselves. Thank you.
Eye to eye. What a beautiful confirming meeting and such a reminder that we are truly ‘seeing’ each other.
The more I accept myself and my body, the more I accept the tenderness in me and the more I allow myself to be playful the more I feel how awesome I am.
And I find kerstinsalzer15, the more tender I am with my body, the more I accept myself and my body.
Great Blog Adele. I recently bought a figure hugging dress that felt comfortable and I gorgeous in. Taking it out of the bag when I got home I started to doubt myself with thoughts such as: ‘What have I done? I am never going to wear this. It shows off every lump, bump and saggy bit. I am 65, this dress is for someone much younger. What was I thinking? The next morning choosing what to wear for work, I took the new dress from the wardrobe, looked at it, remembered how I felt when I bought it and put it on. I felt great in it and I looked great. I had been so caught up in what others might think that I had forgotten to truly appreciate how beautiful I am.
This is gorgeous Janne and inspiring – “I felt great in it and I looked great. I had been so caught up in what others might think that I had forgotten to truly appreciate how beautiful I am”.
Truly inspirational Janne and when we stay with ourselves the world get to see us in full beauty, confirmed by clothes our bodies feel comfortable in and we look gorgeous in. It is never only the dress but our sexiness that comes from within and our choice to open up to the world.
I have had days in the past where it doesn’t matter what I put on I feel like rubbish and it is convenient and a great excuse to blame the clothes and then distract myself with buying new ones rather than deal with the lack of self worth.
It is true, we are being bombarded with images of how a woman should look like and what she should wear constantly. You’re not ‘cool’ if you’re not wearing the latest fashion is what we are led to believe. A while ago a parent made a comment about how one of her daughters friends was being talked about because it seemed to them that the friend was dressing ‘old fashioned’. I came away feeling the pressure that in order for my daughter not to get picked on I felt I had to buy her the clothes that were the latest ‘in’. It is so sad that we live in a society today where this lack of acceptance for one another is huge.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper. Are we not also telling the world that emptiness is the way to live and to be?” So true Adele this is what is being said. I like you are small frame, i wanted to cover up and was looking for when I could put on some weight. The other day I chose to wear close fitting top and pants and felt really good in then that this felt like me, my husbands comment was, “you look sexy, a great choice” I was quite amazed that I can be a sexy 72 year old woman, no more baggy clothes for me.
Whoop, whoop Jill Steiner!
I know that I most certainly won’t be ‘turning things down’ as I age. If we actually pay heed to the gold that Adele offers us here, our love of our own ‘irresistible selves’ will surely only continue to deepen as the years unfold… Hiding this would be the greatest travesty.
Absolutely gorgeous Jill, Victoria, Jann, what we are dressing with is our own Love–and that is ageless and forever in vogue!
Said from one who knows the fashion industry inside and out.
“True fashion – dressed with our own Love” – oh Adele, there’s a blog in that!
I like the fact that we can appreciate ourselves no matter what we wear, actually it is independant, which proofs Adeles example who firstly did feel uncomfortable in her top and later on loved it.
Very true Kerstin, and a statement to Adele’s foundation of self-worth.
“It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.” I can remember especially in my teens this need to be perfect; an intense feeling of never being enough about every thing. I was never happy forever seeking this perfection. Thankfully today, I see this need for perfection a game that that we will never win, a game that is set up to keep us away from the abundance of love that is at the core of every single one of us.
Acceptance of ourselves deepening the appreciation and joy makes so much sense to me at this time. Recently I have been more appreciative of myself but finding it challenging to be consistent. This blog has taken it deeper for me realising that for me to truly appreciate myself there has to be acceptance. Thank you Adele for sharing such a beautiful blog.
This idea of perfection is insidious, and drains away our self worth. Yet when looked at, what is it? There are times when I look at myself in the mirror and think ‘perfect’ when everything is connected, myself and the clothes or whatever to the energy of the moment, but the look is never the same, the clothes/makeup/hair are always different. Perfect is not a standard to be reached, it is an expression of being all that we are, at that moment, and it can be expressed in couture on the catwalk, or in rollers scrubbing the floor.
Awesomely expressed Catherine, to be honest I could never recreate the same look–ever. Even if I tried, it would not feel the same when I wear it, because I am no longer exactly the same and I would move on to express myself with a bit more deepening. It is not necessarily the clothes either, it could be a different way to express with my makeup, a fragrance, how I style my hair, there is always deepening. Perfection in reflection feels drably uninspiring.
Absolutely Catherine. I have found that if I had a ‘perfect’ day in the way I felt and looked for myself then if I would try and get the same result it would be always off. This is because I have already adopted a picture of what it should be and the trying is a movement away from simply being. If I let go and connect deeply within the look and feel will always emerge naturally and match perfectly.
I can relate to the teen perfection mode kicking in and becoming very critical of myself, and using perfectionism as something that had to be achieved, and I would say it’s only in the last year that I have started to see and feel how destructive perfectionism has been in all areas of my life. I agree Caroline appreciation and acceptance of self is the way forward, and works wonders against the ideals and beliefs of perfectionism.
“a game that is set up to keep us away from the abundance of love that is at the core of every single one of us.” So true Caroline and what I feel is that inside me there is a natural strong pull to just absolutely totally accept and love myself. It is there in abundance and waiting to be expressed. I am still re-learning this too.
Yes Caroline, perfection is an exhausting game and will always leave us less it is the driven way of living, never enough always trying to be more and accepted.
“We are amazing human beings, and emptiness is never our natural way. It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are,…” So true Adele, the radiant glow of someone claiming the love, power, light and beauty of their inner heart is totally irresistible, magnetic in fact.
I Love the Joy in which you are expressing this Barbra and the absolute solid awareness that we naturally deserve to know just how gorgeous we are without any reservation.
Absolutely Amina and Barbara. Just what have we been keeping ourselves from??? When we naturally deserve this ‘without reservation’ as you rightly say Amina.
Love it.
This is gorgeous Adele and so relatable for so many women. I know I have in the past not allowed myself to choose the clothiers I loved and would have been part of my expression because of how I thought they would make me look or because eI was too tall, too big etc. It is true that we always find something wrong with ourselves, not because it is wrong but because we do not accept our beauty, delicateness and magnificence as women. What if we are never ‘too’ for anything we feel to wear?
Absolutely Carolien. What if we are never “too” for expressing our magnificence?
Hear, hear ladies! So much to truly appreciate and enjoy… Forget ‘rules’…
Yes Carolien. We are all just too sexy to not express our grandness to the world.
Thank you Adele this is such a beautiful true and reflective article with Honouring our true beauty and accepting ourselves and has brought so many real and accepting comments and a lot for us all to reflect on.I know that when I am not feeling myself in any way nothing that I put on feels right and true because I am not honouring myself and being loving however much I may try and hide this. However when i feel all i am everything feels amazing and it can be the same cloths just worn differently from within.
It is me that has to change and often it is simply the process of the way I care for my self and the time and care that means the end result is transformational. The next process is to walk out in public with this amazingness and live it and accept the joy this brings. Embodying Love is everything.
You give a great example how we can all be like this Adele, it’s a great reconfiguring on the whole fashion ideas that we have been given and have accepted in the past.. what to wear, and what colour is ‘in’ this year. Whatever our shape and size, as we accept ourselves, we allow ourselves to choose the clothes we love, and this is the beauty that comes across when we wear them.
The way we select clothes can be a beautiful allowing we finally come to accept the true beauty that we are, and going deeper with that, ultimately this beauty can be expressed in all clothes that we select and there needs to be nothing special for these clothes because anything that we choose to put on will not diminish the true beauty that we have chosen to express in full, which is Love.
When collectively, we all know that we are Love and choose to express it, there will not be comparison or jealousy in what we wear or how we wear them, there will not be the need to dress up or dress down to stand out. We will dress in our full love in awareness of another and all others.
And you wear you beautifully Adele!
Self-acceptance is delicious and so irresistible, as proven by the joyful photos of you Adele. Acceptance makes you and everyone around you feel safe, that they are ok and there is no need for perfection. This is a huge relief!
We all know there’s no perfection, so why can’t we embrace, accept and love our imperfections? Our feeling of not being enough or not looking good enough, no matter what, starts from very young, and the media helps in stating what looks “good” and what doesn’t. Blog like yours are gold, Adele, and should be shared and read by youngsters so that they learn to love and accept themselves and other in their beautiful imperfections.
Great comment nathaliesterk – Blogs like this should be more available for youngsters to read it would really help them to be more open and free up their choices to express themselves with what they wear to how they are feeling etc – and to not be so easily manipulated by media/fashion trends. As you share so beautifully “so that they learn to love and accept themselves and others in their beautiful imperfections”
“So I wore a cardigan on top of it. I went through in my head everything I could think of to fix the top so I could better accept myself. It was crazy.” It is crazy Adele, and as long as we come at it from the outside in, we will be forever locked in a cycle of disatisfaction and alteration. Yet as you have so clearly shared, simplicity and sound appreciation bring acceptance from the inside out.
This is such a great message for women everywhere Adele. It’s not the clothes, it’s how we feel inside them.
I love this Adele! This is the sort of article that should be in fashion magazines. An article that supports a woman to embrace and accept who she truly is and to see that anything other than that is not true, is truly groundbreaking.
Ladies and Gentlemen, from the Fashion House Evolution, we present our F/W 2015 collection—Truth. This is a revolutionary collection, as every piece from the runaway as well as the pret-a-porter lines reflect the truth of our relationship with ourselves. How every piece feels and looks on our body is our own choice. This is a timeless collection that will always be in vogue.
Thank you Adele for you amazing sharing. Its amazing that something that is so common for us all- buying clothing can be an opportunity to deepen our connection and appreciation of ourselves or as for so many woman- a time when we criticise, attack and bring in so many feeling of not being ‘skinny/tall/curved/tanned/toned enough etc. (That need/want for perfection)
I love how you so simply presented the process for you in exposing this perfection that is fed to us and explored how when you connected to that beauty within you your whole feeling/expressions changed when wearing the top.
Super inspiring and I am looking forward to bringing more awareness to how I too let that image of perfection try to take me away from walking, moving and being in my absolute gorgeousness simply by being me.
Adele thank you for your thought provoking article. It seems apparent to me that true beauty comes from how full we feel on the inside, the most beautiful people are those who feel the fullest, it has nothing to do with the shape of their nose or the size of their lips. Most children look beautiful and their beauty comes from the fact that they are full of themselves.
You’ve hit on a few great points here Adele, from ’emptiness is never our natural way’ and that it was acceptance, not the need to be perfect, that got you rocking your top! Nothing at all to argue with here, very beautiful to read about a woman no longer subscribing to the ideals of a warped society.
Where do these ideas of perfection and criticism of ourselves and others come from? It is a good question because they do not come from love. We could dismiss them and accept more loving thoughts, build on that every day and be very aware of choosing acceptance over the critical in every moment. There is so much joy in acceptance. It doesn’t even matter if we get style and fashion wrong, it matters more to be love.
The perfectionism and critical thoughts are like a hungry beast. The more you feed it the more it needs to be fed again and again. When we stop feeding those thoughts, not through will power or positive thinking, but genuinely accepting who we are right now, the hungry beast goes hungry and will be sent packing.
Adele until I’d read your blog I’d not realised how striving to be perfect and judging ourselves and others for not being so does indeed keep us empty because we never venture beneath the surface to feel the beauty we all are.
And this isn’t confined to physical perfection but to behaviour and choices. I know I have a fair bit of work to do with judgement of myself and others and feeling the love we all are but I feel choosing to look deeper will support me in letting go of how things should be in my version of perfect!
‘We are amazing human beings, and emptiness is never our natural way.’ This beautiful sentence is for everyone. Thank you Adele.
Yes, so supportive to read and feel this very beautiful and confirming statement that we are way more than what we generally choose to live; and that we can naturally have lives full of love.
Adele this is a great blog to revisit. We strive to change ourselves to be picture perfect, something that is impossible therefore we are devastated by this. For many years I was self-conscious of my weight and as a child prayed for a fatter body. Acceptance and appreciation of our unique expression has been key for me. Now I see the beauty in myself and other women. Age, size or shape seems to matter less and less. A woman who knows her worth is truly beautiful.
By the way Adele, you are totally rocking that top. You look amazing.
Seconded Heidi… Amazing how many doubts and excuses us women can create even when we look dead gorgeous in something!!
Great how you went from accepting yourself and your body image to really loving this top (which must be worth its weight in gold judging by how much it has taught you and now us). Just goes to show that true change (rather than a re-arrangement of sorts) happens on the inside first and then informs, inspires and transforms the outer.
The best USD$10 spent in exchange for evolution, and looking great as a bonus!
EVERYONE is truly beautiful at essence – if we are anything less that truly, deeply beautiful then we must not be connecting to and reflecting our essence. If we see others as less than truly, deeply beautiful then either we are not connecting to our essence and seeing them as they truly are or they are not expressing from their essence. Simple mathematics!
Everyone is truly beautiful, this I see confimred daily in the work that I am in. When I express the deep beauty I feel and see in another in honesty, sometimes the response is embarrassment. When we have never been met in confirmation with our own essence by ourselves or by another, love could feel unfamiliar. Being met in love, we cannot hide any longer, we cannot pretend we are not love. Yet the process to express ourselves from our essence is one that comes from definitely connection as well as acceptance of ourselves, deeper each day.
I agree people do often react or find it hard to receive appreciation. There are many reasons for this, one of them being because it triggers a hurt they wish to avoid. It hurts to be in denial of our true beauty and it hurts to see all the ugliness (people – including us – not expressing the love they truly are) in the world.
Absolutely Nicola, in the purity of the reflection of our own essence everyone is deeply beautiful.
ooh gorgeously said Jenny 🙂
YES! There must be something wrong with every single person on this planet because at no point has anyone reached perfection because put simply, it does not exist. So why, WHY, do we keep pretending like it is something achievable or even necessary? It’s easy to say there is no such thing as perfect, but how many of us really think about that statement? I know that I personally have often used it as a throw away line, without really understanding that the images of perfect we see are actually very very very damaging lies that every single body has bought into at one point or another, if not living the lie. Everyday I find something I am not happy with about myself, it’s an illness that I’ve chosen to accept. How awful.
Thank you Adele for sharing your story..because listening to you makes me realise that I’ll never ever be satisfied unless I really start to accept me and my body for how it is.
Elodie, it seems to me that we have all bought the false markers presented to us in life of what makes us a worthwhile and valuable person. For some it is to achieve the perfect body image, others it may be to have financial success. However these markers of perfection are like shifting goalposts that we never quite reach. I now know there is no success like loving yourself just as you are.
I love reading this blog Adele, love the photos and LOVE the message you bring here.
Are we being fed what to feel about ourselves? I feel so Adele and it is up to each and everyone of us to say ‘No’ to these images and beliefs when they go to enter. It seems that self appreciation and acceptance is the key to stoping these harmful thoughts.
So how do I learn to appreciate and accept myself more? – This I am just learning and its beautiful healing websites inspired by Universal Medicine like this one that celebrates the true women instead of selling her something she ‘should’ be. It seems that appreciation and acceptance are the antidote to the insidious spin of lack of self worth that is the modern day plague for women around the world.
Beautiful, Samantha. Yes, let’s reverse the spin so that self acceptance and appreciation become the new norm. The Esoteric Women’s Health profoundly inspires and deeply supports this process of developing self worth as a lived truth in our bodies.
I totally agree Samantha, that the blogs on this website and the comments to it are one big healing healing modality for us. Here we are not told what to do or how to be but instead we are inspired to be ourselves in every aspect of our lives. To me the commitment to live this way of living to the best of our ability and to share this with the world I can read in every article and comment. This continuously inspires and supports me in living myself only to the images of my own.
Perfection is illusive and non existent yet we pursue it in all areas of life at the cost of our own connectedness. As you so well express Adele we are busy perfecting the outer layer thus preventing us for deepening our sacredness. Appreciation of who we are in our own unique way, understanding that our expression is part of the jigsaw puzzle of life, that everyone of us is a piece of the whole is the remedy to end self-doubt.
You look gorgeous in your top Adele! -How awesome is it when we fully claim how we feel about ourselves and lovingly accept our body the way it is, no matter what others may say or think.
It is believed that a bony fashion stylist should have no issues with clothes and body image, it may even be envied by many, but that is just what it is—a belief. Any comment about body image to ourselves and to others, whether we are too big, too small, to thin, too curvy is comparison. Any comparison is an added expression of us holding back the love that our bodies so deeply wish to joyfully express. If I were to teach a course in Fashion Styling 101, Comparison would definitely be on the syllabus, and so will Love.
As gorgeously as I dress in honor of myself now, this has not been my way in the past. How I have dressed throughout the years has been clearly reflective of my internal landscape, and there is always room to go deeper, as the love I hold for myself can always go deeper. Like it is impossible to tell someone what to eat to support their true state of well-being, it is the same with what to wear—trends which aim to have everyone wearing the same thing is an act which disregards the fact that to truly express ourselves, it is a lesson in feeling where we are at and be honest about that. The coolest trend is the trend in awareness.
Another gorgeous blog by you to read this morning Adele!
I have also had an experience lately where one day I wore something, judged myself the whole day for it and expected judgements or criticism from all others… And that’s what I always thought I got! Then the next day I wore exactly what I felt to and there was none of this. This revealed to me the power of reflection – that the world is constantly reflecting how we feel and see ourselves – yes it begins with us… But also – we see what we want to see.
This blog oozes the truths and exposes the myths behind our love-hate relationship with perfection and our inexperience with the practice of self-acceptance. Key for me is the emphasis you put on emptiness, which we’ll do anything and everything to avoid – except face it. So then follows our descent on the slippery slope to lack of self-worth, self-loathing and a total loss of connection to our true and natural essence. As you say, ‘never our natural way’.
This applies to loads of people Cathy – they are only willing to look at so much, but when it comes to the issue of the emptiness they feel inside they back away and instead of addressing it, try and fill it with outside distractions and comforts. In my opinion and from what I’ve seen this is probably the largest cause of drug/alcohol/smoking addictions – people trying to fill the gap inside of them, although it does not work because that gap is designed to be full or love not smoke.
Images that we get through the media, cause us to strive for a ‘perfect’ way of being that is unachievable, and inevitably result in the emptiness that we feel. It’s beautiful to feel you embracing and honouring your true beauty.
As no one on earth will ever be “perfect” (and now I am asking me seriously what this should be at all?) striving to be perfect must be just striving for what I am not! So I am never able to be – and I am forever busy with this aim out of reach and distracted from what I really am and what others really are. For when I am considering someone else as being perfect in my eyes, I am looking at the other one to consider what I am not compared to the other one – always looking through the glasses of self-critic. It is really an unhappy game with no end and no winners and no joy. Your photo, Adele, already has brought a lot of joy to me. And a deep inspiration to appreciate oneself no matter, what appearance we have. As we are all sons of god, how couldn’t we be perfect in the sense of being exactly how we are meant to be? Isn’t it much more interesting and evolving to explore all these different images of nature with curiosity, appreciation and love? To celebrate all these different expressions of god? I feel so. And I love your blog on this top-ic. : )
I’m glad you got the top Adele as it looks incredible on you.
” … there is something wrong with every single person on this planet, as there can never be any perfection?”
This is a great sentence for assisting acceptance of oneself and everyone – immediately the response is, “Of course!” – and all the self-conscious nonsense drops away brilliant.
It seems from very early on after about the age of three we start lose sight of our own loveliness and natural self-love and instead it becomes about impressing the outside world and looking for recognition. Here the downward spiral starts and before we know it we have all these images fed to us saying we should look like without doubt this just sets up to fall again and again. Thank God for Women in Livingness who are inspiring women to remember their undeniable beauty, a quality that we all have equally.
I can relate to that feeling when you put on an item of clothing and the self consciousness at times we feel all day wearing it. It is never the clothing, but more importantly where we are at within ourselves.
Absolutely Gail. I have experienced this many many times both in the past and the present. It’s an awful feeling, one that can be changed through self acceptance. This takes time thought, and that;s another thing to accept. If we have spent years loathing ourselves, we can’t expect to love ourselves overnight. Baby steps all the way until it because our new normal.
I Love how you wrote “So what are we telling the world when in this industry we display images of “perfection”? Are we not also telling the world that emptiness is the way to live and to be?”. This is so true and this is the message everyone is hearing load and clear, appearance is more important than what is really going on for us. We even here people say if they don’t feel great they make their appearance look great so they are under the illusion this now makes them feel great/better. This is one big lie.
Wow all this insight and healing from a top. This shows how everything we do is an opportunity for us to reflect and take things deeper to read what is really going on behind the scenes.
It’s true, I’ve had the same experience Adele – same clothes, different day, me feeling either connected to or disconnected from myself. When we’re feeling and coming from the love that we are nothing from the outside can affect us.
I’m so struck by juxtaposition of on the one hand… the ideal – empty, false and presented to the world as ‘this is how we should look’, as compared with the reality that we are all uniquely ourselves in all different shapes and sizes… and at best about 2% of the population fit into any one ideal. Its perfectly summed up when you write about one half of the judgement saying ‘too thin’, and the other half saying ‘I want that’! How on earth are we meant to come to love ourselves if this is always playing out?
Such a gorgeous celebration of you Adele. A wonderful reflection for all us to enjoy what we feel to, how we feel to with our own impulses without influence.
I am always amazed how my perception about myself changes depending on how I am feeling and if I am feeling connected or disconnected. When I am feeling lovely and being gentle with myself, I love what I see in the mirror as it just reflects back what is being felt from within. Yes – beauty always starts from within…
Yes me too Marika; my perception of myself can differ day to day depending on how I am with my body, from feeling fabulous and gorgeous to not-so-‘pretty’, contracted, hard, protected etc. This is something I really need to work on, because as you say beauty does come from within and honouring that and not comparing myself to things on the outside is super important in building a loving relationship with myself.
Absolutely Marika, ‘my perception about myself changes depending on how I am feeling and if I am feeling connected or disconnected.’ As you say when I am feeling gentle and still, my reflection shows me my inner beauty that is always there.
Me too, this is huge and such a reflection, a supportive tool, in showing me my level of connection in that day and that moment.
I love this blog and the pictures – they conjure up the fun of living being ‘irresistible’
Carmel, I love this word ‘irresistible’. When someone (such as Adele) is deeply connected to their essence and lives in the joy of this, light shines through their eyes which is completely gorgeous.
I also feel from what your saying that there may be a part of us that feels it is somehow wrong to feel amazing a beautiful in how we look, as it is so normal for people to not be happy with themselves that to be anything different stands out.
I so agree Rebecca, count the times when we have pulled out something in the closet we really wish to present our gloriousness in, and then the thoughts that go through our head saying it’s too much, and we end up putting it back to settle for something less noticeable. We are educated to dim our light, the light that the whole world is waiting to feel and see. How crazy.
It is really awesome to see that our perception of ourselves has such a big impact on how we see everything else. Even in this case – a top! Thank you for sharing your story Adele. So many people will relate to this …and I have to say – you look incredible in your new top!
Adele may I also say you look and feel simply divine in this outfit you are wearing. Claimed and glorious as the beautiful woman that you are. 🙂
Adele I love this part ‘Accepting myself with tender loving understanding unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself.’
How awesome is that!
Self acceptance is key when it comes to shining from within. Then down go the barriers and up comes the love 🙂
I agree self acceptance is the key when it comes to shining from within, this is a great refection and something I am working on, to truly accept and appreciate my self. It is beautiful how Adele shares “Accepting myself with the tender loving understanding unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself”. It is about bringing the tender loving understanding for oneself
Great blog Adele,I have realised that for myself I quite often have had such a lack of self care that I believed I didn’t give a stuff how people looked at me and what I wore or even if they noticed me at all. This was all false as I did care and the more self love I have the more effort I make with my appearance.If what we wear is an expression of how we see ourselves and that has come from self love,who can argue with that?
This is such a gorgeous comment Kevin. I can think of countless men who have felt the same. taking pride in our appearance is far from vain. Esoteric women’s health has taught me that I can take nurturing to a whole new level when I apply makeup and dress myself with love, care and preciousness.
Leonne, I have found the same. It’s beautiful to take care of the way I dress, what I wear as a refection of how I fee about myself. I have learned that I am worth taking care of and not just putting anything on that will do.
Ditto Kevin, I used to have a similar approach. At the time I did not want to be judged by other people, and so I would make no effort with my appearance thinking that the world would then be forced to judge what was on the inside in. It did not work, and instead all I presented was that I did not care about myself, and people judged me for that instead!. At the same time it affected how I thought about myself, and looking after myself, and what I wear has been a gradual blossoming of everything I am inside, naturally so.
Kevin and Simon, I so appreciate men joining this conversation. So cool.
I love it Adele, you look beautiful in your new top as to my feeling you have fully accepted yourself and are honouring yourself in that.
A great example of how our relationship with ourselves directly influences our perception. As Adele accepted and appreciated herself her experience of the top was entirely different – the same top – to when she was in judgement of herself and in fear about what others might say. This shows us that we are in control of our own reality and experience through our choices and connection to ourselves – thank God.
Acceptance makes such a difference. The posture, the movement, the attitude, everything changes when we accept ourselves and the beauty we are in full. Thank,you Adele for this powerful sharing.
Agree kerstinsalzer15 – acceptance is the ultimate in unearthing the beauty that lies beneath the harshness of judgement or critique. Accepting that it’s about acceptance (hah!) has irrevocably changed my life. There is no end to acceptance, just increasing whirls of deepening back to the divinity we are. This is why acceptance is just so beautiful.
Absolutely Sarah – how we are with ourselves can be our foundation of everything. We have so much responsibility and opportunity of how we treat ourselves and with others. Just accepting and appreciating is a huge step for us – to accept what is there and not try to be anything more.
So cool Sarah, our connection to ourselves is our connection with God. Thank you God indeed.
Well said Sarah, “…that we are in control of our own reality and experience through our choices and connection to ourselves…”
Living each day with an unshakeable intention for connection with myself feels a very smart way to be.
As women it feels that there is a pressure to compliment each other in how good we look, so we dress in a way to either get this confirmation from the outside or we do the opposite to get the confirmation that we are not good enough when comparison kicks in. What if we simply dressed from the love that we have built in the relationship with ourselves, then there is no need to be confirmed, and no need to compliment (as compliments will all be from the heart and not a need to get recognition) as we all know how absolutely beautiful we are. Whether anything is said or not said can never change the true beauty that we know of ourselves and feel flowing inside of us. We look amazing and we know it to be absolutely and consistently true, because it is LOVE that we have pulled out of our heart closet and chosen to wear.
I agree here, dressing in a way that is only to celebrate ourselves is something huge and as it is a remedy to our lake of self-worth. Often we can choose to settle rather then express and this can impact the big picture of who we are and of course what we are reflecting.
“We look amazing and we know it to be absolutely and consistently true, because it is LOVE that we have pulled out of our heart closet and chosen to wear.” I like this…we have pulled LOVE out of our heartfelt clothes closet. Knowing that we choose love, are love, and accept love, makes expressing love much more simple and beautiful. Expressing ourselves through how we present ourselves becomes another supportive and playful, yet deeply honouring tool in our day.
“What if we simply dressed from the love that we have built in the relationship with ourselves” – BRILLIANT line diningwithoneandwith love — self-relationship and our quality in this regard i.e. whether it’s loving or disregarding and abusive, is infused and felt in everything we do, say, wear, express, apply. When we are in-love with ourselves this quality is felt. It’s an at-ease that is so assuring.
Just like when I choose clothes from my heart to wear, so too is doing a job we love and never needing anybody else to say well done or recognise the effort. What I know already is enough, I need not have another confirm it and it is a really lovely way to operate.
To go about our day not needing anyone to confirm us is indeed a beautiful way to live. What I am learning is that I am enough in everything I do and when I don’t feel this then it’s an opportunity to feel more deeply and to let go, to be more love in my body.
Wow I love this ‘What if we simply dressed from the love that we have built in the relationship with ourselves.’ – what if we took down the barriers that fashion is to be compared, and we dressed from how we were living. What if love was what made us stand out rather than the best designer labels. A totally different world would await us.
Wearing the love that we are cannot but turn heads, but there is no need to stand out whatsoever, and hence no need for comparison. World changing fashion that is!
“. . . Because it is LOVE that we have pulled out of our heart closet and chosen to wear.” Love, the greatest accessory of all!
Thanks for a gorgeous blog Adele.
Love Fashion here we come. This year all on the catwalk will be modelling Love, the one and very same but each with their own unique flavour. No price tags since it’s not for sale but freely expressed.
What we have a choice to put on every day is the irresistability of our own true love.
that is gorgeous 🙂 yes indeed we certainly have a choice every day to dress with and wear love!
Beautifully shared diningwithoneandwithlove. No matter what you wear, when you connect to yourself all that is reflected to another is your love.
Beautiful comment. It is true, when we feel gorgeous inside and we choose our clothes lovingly putting them on, it is a confirmation of who we are on the inside. This comment brings a deeper awareness of the importance of choice in how I am feeling when putting my clothes on and the impact this has on myself and others.
What a beautiful way of looking at this Dressing in our own love first and foremost and then the clothes just become a reflection of this.
I very much relate Adele and have found a new found confidence in how I dress since I have paid more loving attention to myself over the last couple of years, I will pretty much wear anything and feel ok in my skin. Which is remarkable in itself as I used to be very self conscious of what I wore and what people thought of me.
Imagine if some magazines or designers decided that this year the perfect colour was grey and the perfect length was maxi and the perfect hairstyle was short and shaved up the back or whatever and everyone followed that and we are dressed the same – how ghastly that would be. Imagine if every bird in nature was the same colour and every plant was yellow – how much poorer the world would be. True beauty comes from inside as we all know and does not look any particular way. It is beautiful to see all the different expressions and reflections of others.
Trends we follow are what takes us away from feeling and expressing from our own authority, it is disempowering and keeps us disconnected from ourselves. It is a false authority to be following trends that are imposed from any source outside of ourselves.
“Isn’t it true then that there is something wrong with every single person on this planet, as there can never be any perfection? But does that stop us from seeking perfection?” A tireless, inordinately expensive cycle that keeps us all away from the real power & wisdom within.
Would there be an alternative: There is nothing wrong with us, we are letting through an energy instead. Therefore on a deep level it is not about right and wrong but about what we choose to come through us.
This is very true Christoph. It is having the awareness that we have that choice in the first place, then we can begin to make true choices based on love for ourselves, and live from the energy that is already inside us and not allow energy to come through that does not serve us truly. What the world needs is more true reflections and to know that there is that simple choice we can make, once we are aware of it. Then we will know we are beautiful and enough just as we are.
Great point Christophe, my question would be, why would we not choose to be glorious all the time? What do we get out of that choice? And how does that impact ourselves and others?
Exactly Christoph – the responsibility lies in what we allow in that then comes through us to do who knows what… And the fact that we allow it in, shows us that at that moment we were not with our self, but have made room for something else to enter and take over. This can only occur when we are not connected to the lovely being that we all in essence are.
You cut right through the sticky mess here, Christoph: there is nothing wrong with us, it is all about what we side with and align ourselves to.
The seeking perfection quote sounds as if it could be a morning team meeting inspiration at a advertising agency, that are the ones that condition us to stay away from who we truly are.
Yes, lucindag, expensive indeed. The endless pursuit of perfection due to feeling worthless is what keeps the fashion industry running.
True, Janet and Lucinda, But not for long, not for long, not for long.
Very true Lucinda. Constantly seeking perfection is one of the most tiring and endless cycles there is – everyone makes mistakes from time to time; we live AND we learn, so trying to force everything in life to look a certain way is quite an impossible task, but as you say sooo many people put a lot of money, time and effort trying to do it, and it can keep us trapped for years.
Seeking perfection is a great way to keep busy and occupied and therefore comfortably numb.
Well said Christoph. Indeed it does. It is one of the biggest timewasters around.
Adele this is such a powerful piece of writing in that in clearly exposes the false truths we so easily accept about ourselves. When you posed the question are these thoughts truly ours it really made me stop and see how much these thoughts do not reflect who we are, but rather the ideals and beliefs we accept and allow to flourish within society. It was beautiful to feel the difference when the quality of you shifted, when you chose to embrace your loveliness and wear the top celebrating you. What a massive difference it makes when we truly see ourselves for who we are and dress ourselves not to hide this but to claim it in full. Inspiring!
A lovely account of you accepting more of you i love the line – If we lived this way every day, how could we not be irresistible, to ourselves, and others? which is so true
The beauty and joy that radiates out from your inner depth as a woman Adele is clearly felt in the second photo, is beyond physical beauty, it’s a still confident grace that says,” yes I feel gorgeous”, not needing any recognition or approval from the others.
This is so true Adele…how we feel manifests into how we are through our day and how others perceive us. I have also had times when I’m feeling amazing and whatever clothes I choose to wear also look amazing. And I have had times when I don’t feel good about myself, and I can put those same clothes on and to me they look awful…as you say the clothes haven’t changed – it is only my perception of myself that has changed. It is simply a choice: to be in the loving joy and appreciation of who we truly are, or not. There is no perfection.
Love that Paula, no perfection “It is simply a choice: to be in the loving joy and appreciation of who we truly are, or not.” Such simple but divine truth.
Very true what you said about the fashion industry Adele and the images we are fed about having to look perfect, as there is no perfect body or look, theses images keep us in a constant striving and seeking outside of ourselves and bodies. Interestingly our by connecting deeply to our bodies and the tenderness that’s there we feel how extraordinarily beautiful and full of love we are, and start to see that all other people however they may look.
There are a number of powerful statements in this blog Adele, not least “It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.” This is a golden nugget of wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing the depth of understanding that came from buying a little top!
It really is a nugget of gold, acceptance is the key to many many things! The fact we resist this acceptance of our innate love is a tiresome show being played out daily by billions of people!
I was smiling Vanessa at your comment because I fear I am one of those billions! I think the pictures that I have of how I “should” be feeling get the in the way, and because I don’t always feel the way i think I “should” I then get into an internal battle with myself..At those times when I embody the fact that I am absolutely enough as I am, there is an ability to surrender, let go and accept. However since we are always being asked to be more of ourselves the whole shenanigans start again when I am being called to go deeper! Indeed – a tiresome show I play out again and again!!
‘It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are, and by accepting ourselves, and our bodies, we can support each other to return to the deep power and beauty that can be expressed through us.’ That is so beautiful Adele. Each and everyone of us has so much to offer. Let’s embrace our own and eachother’s unique beauty and expression and go for it.
I relate very much to your experience Adele of being labelled too skinny, too this, too that. Our acceptance of ourselves, our bodies as women is something beautiful and a unique unfolding for each woman. There will always be some critique on our bodies, but our body is ours to own and not for another to judge or make comment on. The more I have come to accept and celebrate my body, the less criticism I receive or take to heart. And the more I can admire the unique beauty of another woman. There is always a deeper acceptance and appreciation for us as women to come to.
“Accepting myself with tender loving understanding unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself.” Gosh you can feel how this understanding really takes the pressure off, the pressure to be a certain way, to match up, to be perfect, to out-do – as promoted from all corners of the media. “It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.” Show and teach appreciation and watch that inner beauty and joy blossom out from each child.
Adele this is so timely for me. Recently I have lost more weight and become ‘boney’ as you describe it. I receive many comments to ‘fatten up’ and looking too thin, despite my amazing complexion and sparkly eyes. Reading your blog has exposed for me that I have recently started to dress in a way that covers up the thinner areas, especially my arms. Now I’ve become aware of it I am instantly bringing myself back to adoring my newly shaped body, rather than feeling the slight shame I was feeling previously, ” …deepening an acceptance of myself, and my body image …” I now feel I too have “…unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself.”
Deep appreciation for all you have expressed in this article.
How I feel determines what I see when I look in the mirror. How I feel about myself at any particular time will be reflected back to me when I look in the mirror. By choosing to honour myself through self-love and self-care I continue to build a foundation of love and acceptance of myself and when I look through eyes of the love I feel in my body that is what is reflected back to me when I look in the mirror.
yes Margaret how we feel is what we see, the more I love myself the easier it is too look at myself, really look at myself and actually love what shines back at me, not every time mind you but much more often than any other time in my life, thanks to putting into practice the teachings of Universal Medicine. I am so grateful!!!
“by accepting ourselves, and our bodies, we can support each other to return to the deep power and beauty that can be expressed through us.” How lovely that you stayed with yourself during this process with the cropped top. I had a similar experience recently where I didn’t carry it through so I feel supported and inspired by you for the next time. Thank you Adele.
Reblogged this on diningwithoneandwithlove.
Thank you Adele, This blog has reminded me of when I was a teenager, I was very thin, people thought I was anorexic, but I wasn’t. I would go to the beach with my friends but leave my clothes on as I was so self conscious of how thin I was. Funny how its cool and trendy to be so thin now. As you pointed out Adele, I wasn’t accepting myself and there was a huge emptiness. I love your comment ” Emptiness is never our natural way. It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are”. So true.
So with accepting our irresistibility comes an irresistible expression, as you show us, dear Adele.
This blog may on the surface may be about a woman choosing to wear a cute top but as women we know there is so much more to how we feel when buying clothes and wearing what we perceive as being acceptable. But where do these preconceived ideals and beliefs come from? What is it that stops us and tells us, you can’t possibly wear that, you’re too old, too fat, too skinny or whatever combination comes up.
I know I’ve had my fair share of these thoughts when buying clothes and when I look at other women I can say that looks really nice, but then I judge if it would suit me or not.
I so enjoyed reading your blog Adele – I was reminded of how a lot of people have air brushing techniques applied to their photographs to appear less lined, younger and to portray an ‘acceptable image’ of what they want the world to see. Not actually accepting as you share ‘an expression of true beauty’ which is so much more than skin deep. The joy and playfulness of you in your new top is clearly felt. Beautiful.
I am glad you bring up the rampant gossip and cruel criticism that there is about other people´s bodies and way of dressing. It has been the norm in our society. The pressure of perfection and never getting there, and that perfection not even been consistent, changing with time, which made it even more confusing. For all of us who have suffered the criticism and cruelty of the world regarding our physical appearance, it is vital to claim back our bodies, and our ways of expressing ourselves physically, claiming our right to be ourselves, and enjoy the way we bring our inside to the world.
I love the title of this blog Adele, ‘Accepting Ourselves and our Bodies: an Expression of True Beauty’, this feels lovely and reading it supports me to let go of the trying and instead enjoy my body and my natural expression, a wonderful reminder, thank you.
Not wearing certain clothes for fear of what everyone else will think is something I can relate to. I often won’t wear certain clothes that are a true expression of me around my friends from fear of them thinking that I’m trying to ‘dress up’ or ‘show off’
Every single person on this planet must be wrong, as no one on this planed is perfect, but it does not stop us from seeking perfection, even if it is unreachable.
The clothes will never make the person… the person will always make the clothes what ever they are when we are with ourself.
Yes indeed, sjmatsonuk. Our clothes can’t change who we are, but living who we truly are makes us sexy and stylish no matter what!
I love the two photos you you Adel wearing the new top… as it shows simply being our joyful self is what is defining. It is not the clothes as such … “Clothes don’t maketh the man”. It is can be easy to slip into the thought that something you wear will make you look and feel great, but it is in fact the opposite, as in the photos, i see you, your vibrant, gorgeous self, and coming a way long distant second, I then see the clothes. To see a model wearing or showing the clothes in this way is what would make clothes sell I’m sure. Plus, how we feel when we are wearing clothes tends to stay with the clothing item as its interesting how this can be felt when we put a piece of clothing on and we can feel how we were the last time we wore it… Beautiful inspiring photos Adel that reveal that there is more to seen than the clothes!
The huge ramifications of the power of self-acceptance and appreciation so clearly shared. Thank you, Adele. An antidote to the vast dysfunction in our world. Are we ready to take responsibility?
Self-acceptance and appreciation are the natural way of children Matilda. So is responsibility a matter of raising them never to forget how glorious and special they are?
My heart just completely melted as I fully surrendered and felt the divine message you have expressed here Adele. “It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are …” – Perfection is indeed a killer messenger to keep us in the dark about our own beauty and denies the world the glorious expression of each and every one of us in our beauty. Like you Adele, no more hiding for me – I too are absolutely claiming and accepting the beauty and deliciousness of who I am, inside and out.
That is puts things in a new light to describe it as a birthright. We can be our harshest critic and pick out “flaws” about ourselves. When we receive the whole picture, everything fits perfectly in place, even the so called imperfections.
How glorious that your self acceptance allowed you to embrace and to walk in the Joy that is You – truly inspiring. Thank you, Adele.
Wow! You have exposed the whole “body perfect” consciousness with just this one sentence, Adele: ” When we are not perfect, there is no acceptance.” This feels to me to be precisely what this consciousness is all about. As you so thoroughly present, if we have no acceptance of self, we have no acceptance of others, and so we all perpetuate the self destructive cycles of mutual rejection, discontent and judgement.
Again- wow! What an awesome job this blog does, Adele 🙂
Yes we can really harm ourselves and each other with our judgements and comparison. Thank you Adele for bringing it back to acceptance of ourselves.
Yes – what I observe, Annie, is that such comparison is a never ending cycle until such time as we see through the illusion of perfection and start to accept ourselves.
So true Adele – “When we are not perfect, there is no acceptance” this makes beauty being first and foremost about the acceptance of ourselves. This for me is the greatest beauty, and the key to real-beauty…and, as I age in years it is becoming more apparent that the lack of acceptance and desiring to be perfect to assert sense of worth or value within spheres of life (family/friends) in younger years has resulted in acceptance in later years being somewhat difficult.. or a lengthy process. Funny how we do everything (study, work, have a family, earn big money etc etc) in order to be accepted by others, and yet the biggest acceptance we crave is ourselves as we are.
You got the top Adele ha ha great!! Only yesterday I happened to comment on a well known and handsome (for many) footballer advertising a clothing brand. I commented to the person with me that I did not find this man attractive at all and he was really surprised at this. The image the celebrity was emitting was the strive for perfection and exactly what you’ve captured here: “So what are we telling the world when in this industry we display images of “perfection”? Are we not also telling the world that emptiness is the way to live and to be?” – we all aware of what ‘lies beneath’ not being quite how things really are (being portrayed) yet we still buy into it in favour of the surface. But imagine if what ‘lies beneath’ was photographed.. would we still consider the image (of emptiness) to be ‘good looking’ and something to aspire towards?
Ahhhh…awesome point, Zofia: what if we could photograph what lies beneath the image – take a picture of the emptiness, the need to be seen and admired, possibly the self loathing….would we still want THAT picture? Most likely not….lovely to see Adele’s pictures sharing her heart: there is no desperate,”Please see me,” coming off of her photos!
What a false picture it is. I have discovered something delicious and delicate, sweet, precious and tenderly beautiful inside of me. That is not perfect but more than enough to me and it lets me feel so very yummy that I do not need anything to top this. This is me and I am more than happy to let everyone have a taste of it by looking into my eyes and connecting with me and this quality. Perfection is something so unattractive and not worth to reach for it at all.
Very good point Zofia, if we were to see close up the private personal life’s, party’s and drugs that many of our so called celebrities, top models, sports stars, pop stars etc. indulge in. The debauchery and emptiness these so called successful people live in and the ugly energy of what is behind it all, would we still see these sold out people as beautiful, and worse still strive to be and look like them and promote their images on a global scale?
Great point – imagine taking the photo of the inside – would we really want that. So when we see the photo of Adele, we can truly understand that clothes are worn from the inside out.
Adele I love the two pictures of you in your top especially the second one where you are moving with such joy and playfulness, what a delightful reflection of acceptance and joy in movement.
These pictures tell the story Adele, you look so joy-full strutting your stuff in the second picture. I can feel the joy that you emanate from accepting and loving yourself. Thanks for sharing your delightful story.
This is a very insightful blog and it is so true when you say, Adele, “It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself. If we lived this way every day, how could we not be irresistible, to ourselves, and others?” The more I accept and appreciate myself so my feeling of joy and engagement in and committment to life deepens.
And the irresistibility just keeps on growing! Acceptance and Appreciation are very powerful qualities that when practiced bring a gorgeous light heartedness to our every day world for all to share and appreciate. What an amazing feeling Adele is leaving in her wake as she walks down the street and how uplifting to feel the warmth and joy of her smile, a real blessing in the day.
Its so true Jonathan, self-appreciation, deeply accepting oneself and confirming ones amazingness, is hugely transformational the more we practice that the more gorgeous, beautiful and joy-full we feel. And it frees us from the constant competitive and self-judgmental cycle we get caught up in, trying to live up to an image of how we should look and be.
I particularly loved feeling the joy and lightness you emanated wearing your special new top, Adele. ‘ It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself’. Just beauti-full.
This is a great sharing Adele and one most women will relate to – the inner critic that pipes up when we’re feeling super sexy and wanting to express joyfully with a bright red lipstick or a tight fitting top and it pours doubt into us and so we dampen down and pick the everyday colour lipstick or the looser top – standing firm in our loveliness as you have shared is a celebration for all women, thank you for the inspiration you look and feel truly gorgeous in your new top!
A brilliant way of describing women’s biggest critic Shelley, that being ourselves! It is pretty crazy how much we judge ourselves and compare with other women… Like seriously, sometimes if I’m not having a great day and I self-loathe and self-bash over all the things I ‘don’t’ have, I realise that I would NEVER let anyone speak to me that way so why do I let myself speak that way?
Absolutely Brilliant Susie what you have shared. Before the world critiques us, have we first critiqued ourselves, and does critique even come from us? And why and where did it have a chance to creep in?
‘Does critique even come from us? – this is a super important question. When I was a young child I have absolutely no memories of self bashing, or criticising myself for the things that I did… But as I grew older, I began to see there was a way I was, and a way that people wanted to be that didn’t always pair up, so of course I began giving myself mini mental kicks every time I didn’t feel I met the expectations of others.
I love how you have smashed the picture that we often believe: “when we are not perfect, there is no acceptance” and shown that “it was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself”. Rather than waiting to be perfect to accept yourself, you chose to accept yourself first. After making that choice, it is clear that we do not need to be perfect! There is a great article about accepting your imperfections and grandness – including a cracking audio at http://www.unimedliving.com/the-livingness/who-we-truly-are/accepting-your-divinity.html
I love the healing that is offered in the seemingly simple, everyday activities such as buying a new top. Thank you for your sharing Adele.
“We are amazing human beings, and emptiness is never our natural way. It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are, and by accepting ourselves, and our bodies, we can support each other to return to the deep power and beauty that can be expressed through us.”
Wow Adele, thank you. It makes me want to cry, how far from this I have believed myself to be. Thank fully, through Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon’s revelatory teachings, I am coming round finally to accepting the Truth that we are amazing. We have been sold and bought into the beliefs about Perfection, so most of us live and criticise ourselves, as less .
I love your observation that “Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty”
How upside down do we live as individuals that make up the norm of our society?
The only true and joyful and inspiring approach to life is from Inside to OUT!
How amazing is it that you decided to take control of how you felt when you wore that top – instead of just putting up with feeling not enough or uncomfortable in yourself because that’s what the world has told us to be, you chose differently and decided to be who you are, so that how could that cute crop top not fit you perfectly?
This is such a great and profound line Adele: “Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.” In the aim for perfection we are constantly seeking to be more, forgetting that on the inside we are already everything. We are born know this to be true and somewhere along the line we all forget. Sad but true.
A super cute and sassy top has ignited a philosophical discussion about beauty, true with and self acceptance.
The way you draw the riches out of the everyday experience is not just delightful Adele, it is an inspiration to look ever deeper in every single facet of life. No matter how ordinary or common it seems, there is not a thing that cannot be mined for the gold of truth.
A powerful and beautiful inspiration to be open to the ‘gold’ that is on offer in every moment. Yes please.
I agree Matilda, and no shovel required. 😉 Just the will to love.
Yes it is a forever discovery of the abundant treasure we have, each one of us inside in our inner hearts. I love your words Rachel; The inspiration to look ever deeper in every single facet of life.
There is not one stone to be left unturned in this life – nothing is too trivial to overlook. What I love is that as we evolve and start to develop a relationship with truth, well that is when the process of mining life for its gold, or the turning over of stones becomes a real joy. Hence the delight of this blog! It opens the door to us all and invites us the come in and play!
Every piece of stone turned is gold, we just have to see the fun and take the action to (re)turn (to) it!
The riches of life come to us, when we mine the gold that is in our hearts. How enriching life in all its aspects truly is. Beautifully expressed, Rachel.
Equally beautiful
‘No matter how ordinary or common it seems, there is not a thing that cannot be mined for the gold of truth.’ That is perfect – you have pinpointed one of the greatest gifts of life.
Yes, Adele, nothing beats the wisdom from our body – whether we choose clothes or pretty much everything else. If we then try to use our mind instead of continuing to feel it can easily get just a touch messy very quickly.
I had a thought a few days ago – what if I never speak or think badly about another woman again? That would change everything, and leave all women free to express and be themselves in whatever they choose to wear, or not wear, or do or not do… Now that would be pretty cool.
Meg I love this thought! What if we consciously made the choice never to think badly of another woman – to recognise the gorgeousness that she is and to appreciate what she brings no matter what? So, so, so cool!
There are so many beautiful women whose radiance shine so brightly and clearly. I love this idea of making it a choice to be inspired rather than an opportunity to compare and judge.
Yeah! It is so so cool 🙂 So I have been trying this for a few days and it’s actually really really easy, but I have to constantly catch judgements that come into my head, but no matter what is going on for someone it’s so easy to see who they really are underneath. It’s definitely helping my understanding too, we all go through tough times, and we definitely don’t need to make it worse for each other with judgement.
Yes Meg, let’s do that 🙂 (Without perfection of course!)
You know, I find it impossible to be perfect 🙂 but a lack of judgement of other women is something I feel is definitely worth putting the work into.
Now there’s a beautiful thought Meg, i love that. There is complete joy feeling the togetherness and harmony of women without any entangled constructs getting in the way.
Yeah – when women are together without dynamics it is magical, it feels absolutely amazing yet it is so rare.
I love this too Meg and Mary. This would change everything, because as you say Mary, “there is not a lot of sisterhood between women”. By letting go of any judgement and comparison of each other we could begin to appreciate and celebrate each other as the divine beings we all are instead. And yes, Simone and Natalie Benhayon are fabulous role models for any woman to be inspired by.
Not only would that be cool Meg, it is natural. Why is the world not this loving to each other presently? What have our choices been? How as women and men have our relationships been with ourselves? You have raised a very awesome question, thank you Meg.
It’s absolutely natural – you are right. It really shows just how far away from normal and natural our relationships with each other are.
I definitely reckon the way we treat each other as women is one of our downfalls – you’re spot on. We may be strong and powerful and beautiful, but if we do it alone we’ve completely missed the point of life.
I have also experienced my very vocal inner critic, especially when it comes to the way I look. I have found that often I am fine with the way I look and the outfit I chose until I step outside, and then the comparison between me and what other women have put on begins and the self critic pipes up. However, I have found this only happens when I either haven’t taken enough time to get dresses the way I feel I wanted to, and so that gap is left to be filled by those thoughts. Or when I have not stopped to full appreciate me in the clothes I have chosen, to feel the fact that they express me in a certain way, and so because I haven’t done this its all to easy to look to another. And lastly and more common, is a part of me that holds back when putting together an outfit, as though its not okay to go out looking nice when thats what I would like to do. And so if i dress down when my impulse was to actually wear something more dressy, my instant reaction on seeing someone wearing something nice is to compare. But from these examples I began to realise that comparison and the inner critic had almost nothing to do with those around me, but first and foremost to do with myself and how I am in myself.
This is great what you have shared Rebecca in how comparison can play out but in that it has nothing to do with anyone else but first and foremost to do with us and how we are in ourselves. It all comes back to our relationship with ourselves.
This is a great observation Rebecca. Often we compare to what others have chosen, but have not fully accepted what we have chosen. But what we may have chosen could be expressing ourselves in a certain way and that is truly beautiful. We should just be dressy because we feel like it and is expressing how we feel rather than trying to get a certain image or stand out/fit in.
I agree Harry, when we have accepted our choices, what ever they are, we cannot find ourselves comparing to there because we are happy with how we are.
Thank you Adele, it is a huge point you make here and one that show us all how important it is to have a deeply loving relationship with ourselves. This is not a normal action taken in our society today and it certainly is not something that is spoken about in our conversations from women to women. And yet it is hugely valuable to build a steady foundation on enjoying ourselves in all areas of life. Given that we are not able to rely on another for this as one might expect the truth is we have the power to be the beautiful women we are by choosing to be ourselves.
Absolutely Amina, we cannot rely on anyone or anything to tell us we are beautiful, and we are not taught that irresistablility is our birth right. We will come to this conclusion and everyone of us can, by nuruturing the amazing and irresistable love that we are through consistent self-care and self-nurturing, which deepens the self-acceptance of ourselves. It is a touching moment when we go deeper into this relationship with ourselves, and we find that we are actually so beautiful—it does not matter if we are ever confirmed by the world or not, but nothing can refute the feeling of love we feel within, and expressing it is the the most simple choice.
What if as women we support each other in feeling this for ourselves?
Adele how so often I have seen clothing that I would love to wear, even if to just try on and I stop myself because of the preconceived ideals and beliefs, one being that it will not suit my body shape. Now where did this thought originate from is an awesome question.
Thank you Adele for revealing not only your body but all the hidden perceptions that so many of us have about our body. I agree that ‘Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty’ for as you say we remain on the outside judging ourselves harshly before anyone else can judge us. I know that as I accept my body more and appreciate the way it is, my body lets go of some of the hardness I have used to stop myself from feeling the truth – that I am already a beautiful woman and that it is only my need for approval that stops me seeing and feeling this way.
For women their 60’s, other considerations come to mind about what is appropriate to wear. I have a small frame and can wear almost anything, yet how far can I go? Before I left for a trip to the US recently, I packed a tiny mini-skirt, its one I love to wear at home on rare hot days in the UK. At my brother’s house in hot and humid Mississippi with a houseful of family and friends, I had a brief moment of hesitation. What would others think? It didn’t last long. I slipped on my skirt, walked downstairs, with wedged heeled flip flops, paid no attention to judgement and questioning looks and enjoyed the freedom and fun of wearing my mini-skirt.
I had to chuckle Kehinde 2012 at your sharing in your comment – and I feel to say “good on you for now bowing to self doubt” – and just allowing the freedom of you to express how you felt by accepting and loving you in that moment, almost offering permission for others to see that it actually is okay to express you how you feel, and not be attached to nor concerned about potential judgment by others.
Roberta, feeling free to express in this way and not be influenced by those around me is new for me, and I’m having fun with it. Being me, fully, also presented a different version of woman in her 60’s: not defined by age, giving up, or invisible, but open, lovely, claimed, and playful.
Ah, this lets me smile, because I can rely to your words Roberta; not to be attached to nor concerned about potential judgment by others. This is such a freedom when we can allow this state of living without getting effected by others, but holding our inner essence what we know who we are, our flavour and delicate designed divine being, knowing that there is no one like you, and everyone has a other constellation of divine qualities. So beautiful and heavenly.
Hi Kehinde and Roberta – I was laughing appreciatively, too, as Kehinde decided to honour and respect her own choices – even in the face of family, who can, at times, be our greatest critics ( as well as our lovely friends, also). All power to any woman who honours her own true choices – in clothing, speech, hair, make up, career, choice of pet or car, expression…anywhere there is a choice to be made, for in so doing, we extend to all women the freedom and opportunity to choose and honour themselves also.
Lovely reflection Colleen, It was honouring and respecting of myself to listen and respond to my true feelings and felt amazing too! As you say ‘All power to any woman who honours her own true choices – in clothing, speech, hair, make-up, career, choice of pet or car, expression, there is a choice to be made’
Beautifully said Coleen – it is about being true to yourself and honouring what feels true.
So true Coleen, it is a very beautiful and inspiring thing to see a woman in her true power. We need more of these gorgeous empowered role models, like Adele, to shine the way out of the dark place of self-doubt and loathing that many women have descended to. If nothing else, and of course there is SO much more, Esoteric Women’s Health has gifted women the permission to love themselves and flaunt their inner-loveliness unapologetically for all to see and be inspired by.
I like how you Kehinde dress yourself in the clothing you like in this moment without paying attention to everybody elses thoughts or comments and just enjoy being you. Great refllection to understand that everybody of us has a unique expression and cannot be compared to another one’s.
Yes, and it leaves everyone in a state of appreciation when we can enjoy the appearance of another divine beautiful being, as a reflection of who we are too. What we can see and appreciate in another is who we are inside as well.
Now isn’t this the answer to comparison and jealousy?!
Absolutely Kerstin, What a revelation, and feeling of freedom when we begin to express own uniqueness.
Kehinde, I would have loved to have a woman like you around showing me in your own way the freedom we have to express how we are feeling. That playfulness, joy and light is for everyone to see and remember.
Yes I too had a giggle at this picture. How funny that we will wear something when we are in our own but hesitate when around others because of the judgement.
We are born irresistible, and that has nothing to do with age, only choices. I can see you turning heads Kehinde from your presence and joyful freedom in your steps.
That is so great Kehinde, how amazing that you are unafraid to wear something sexy and gorgeous in your 60s, this is exactly how I want to be!
Meg, I know you already wear gorgeous, and sexy clothes to reflect the gorgeous woman you are, why would you want to stop!
Haha – thank you – that’s very true, why would I want to stop? Gorgeous and sexy should not be reserved for our youth… they’re qualities inside all women that have insurmountable depths.
Adele, what you have written is so true, ‘ Do we feel that if we are not this way, then there is something wrong with us? Isn’t it true then that there is something wrong with every single person on this planet’, none of us can live up to this ‘ideal’ body image that we see in magazines because peoples bodies in the magazines are commonly very digitally altered and so we are trying to live up to something that is impossible and unachievable and we will forever feel lacking if we compare ourselves to these images. Us accepting and enjoying our unique beauty and not comparing ourselves to other women is truly beautiful.
Thank you Adele for sharing your experience so honestly, many women will relate to the inner dialogue and battering that accompanies the simple act of choosing what to wear. And you show that women of all ages and sizes experience self doubt about body image. Once we accept ourselves as we are, our inner preciousness and beauty shines through. It is not what we wear, but how we see ourselves that matters and the energy we bring into being when we step into our clothes.
Indeed it is the quality we bring to what we wear and how we move in those clothes that brings the pizazz that is so cheeky and playful in Adele’s pictures.
I love seeing people confident and really enjoying themselves in their clothing. It really lights up the world. When you feel joy from the inside everything shines.
It is the quality ‘we bring to what we wear and how we move in those clothes that brings the pizazz’. Absolutely Jenny.
Isn’t it extraordinary that choosing our clothes has become tantamount to self-degradation. How does this happen? How do we go from gorgeous little girls who chose our clothes as a full reflection of who we we are and how we are feeling, for how comfy, colourful, beautiful, soft and twirly they are – to running a pretty constant “..inner dialogue and battering” that is sparked by every other woman we see, every piece of clothing we walk by in the shops, by every picture in the media? How do we slide and how do we start to stop it is a focus of Esoteric Women’s Health (EWH) that has assisted many women, like Adele, to reclaim self-love and to shine from the inside out. Go EWH! Go Adele!
I love that women are choosing to reflect who they are in the clothes the wear, reclaiming their true power and being inspired by other women. Thank you EWH for helping us discern between what is true and natural (our inner essence ) and what is not: external and superficial images of beauty.
It is great you can share from your experience Adele as you work in the ‘image’ industry out there in the world.
‘Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty’ – this is profound and so true. We strive for this unattainable goal and if you get to it the goal post just moves so you never ever fill up that “empty” feeling inside. I so get that now because this is how I lived my life in the past.
I agree with you Adele – ‘This emptiness is seen in the eyes’ and I have seen it over and over again and it looks vacant, hollow as if there is no one living inside that body.
I know how I live today with the utmost care and love for myself has paid off and I do have depth and a sparkle in my eyes that can be seen and felt.
How I dress comes from how I feel and of course being sensible and appropriate. So weather plays a part as does my work dress code. Gone are the days of dressing to impress – I am so over that !
Me too Bina, what Adele has shared from the inside of her industry is that there is no perfect and no ending , that is the game, that is how the marketing works. The industry needs us to want to be something or aspire to something greater than ourselves. To want a better body, skin, shape and clothes, make up and copying their examples or following their diets will give us the answers. Yet that always relied on an outside marker for completion and that goal post is forever just beyond our grasp.
‘there is no perfect and no ending , that is the game, that is how the marketing works’ captures it beautifully Lucy. And yes as Bina and Adele note there’s a vacancy in the eyes, a constant looking at, rather than a receiving connected to within – as when you’re coming from in you, the eyes are able to look out and receive / observer rather than looking out in desperation / need – it’s such a different feeling an focus. So out there there is indeed no perfect or no ending, and that’s great as ultimately it brings us back to us to connecting to the love that is in us always.
It could be devastating for the fashion industry if we were all to simply accept what is naturally gorgeous about ourselves and stop trying to fix it, improve it etc. Or would it? In reality the industry would carry on, but the focus being on celebrating who we are, enjoying how we look in the way that Adele has… adverts would change, but opportunities for full expression would be plentiful!
Seeking for perfection keeps the illusion of the fashion industry going, an illusion that feeds on and expresses from emptiness, so the truth is our industry has never been expressing beauty. And I say this with the deepest of Love.
There is indeed no perfect ending in an industry that plays the game of “no perfect” and “no ending”.
Yes Bina and Adele the emptiness in the eyes is very common isn’t it? Especially in magazines.
The message is… looking ‘perfect’ is the priority even if you feel empty and disconnected inside.
Natalie Benhayon has changed all that with the cover of the Women in Livingness Magazine. Part 1.
Natalie not only looks gorgeous but holds her gaze with such depth and love. It’s breathtaking.
Striving for perfection is indeed a self created imprisonment that keeps us hovering on the surface, as you so rightly say, Adele. There is no love, no acceptance of self and no joy – only emptiness and an inability to deeply rest in oneself and surrender to our grander nature.
You make a great point here Adele that noone is perfect in either appearance or actions and yet we chase it like some elusive holy grail believing that we can achieve it. It is a set up guaranteeing that we will never feel enough. Acceptance of ourselves, flaws and all and where we are at I agree is the key to undoing this trap.
It is interesting to read Adele’s description of the environment of the image industry, with so much gossip and self loathing, because it is from this environment that all the images we see in the media about women’s bodies comes. So, doesn’t this display quite clearly what we are actually being fed through these images? And what they are actually propagating for women?
When we are free of the need for bolstering, recognition and acceptance from outside of us, we become our true beauty. This is incredible to feel in ourselves and inspiring to behold in others (the photographs of Adele are witness to that).
Adele, I so appreciated reading your beautiful blog. For one, it is such an interesting imagination to hear of someone at odds with their small, delicate and fine frame – maybe next time around for me. However, it does indicate I feel that unless we choose to connect to the truth of who we are, that is the divine being within, there will mostly always be some element of force that would have us be dissatisfied with some attribute of our physical body and appearance. How amazing it is that through the Ageless Wisdom Teachings and presentations of Serge Benhayon at Universal Medicine that many of us have become more aware of the true beauty of who we are, male and female alike, by being reminded of how to re-connect with that divine aspect within us all, through the gentle breath. This re-connection to love totally disappates any self indulgence with the focus being ‘out there’ – but instead reminds us to come back to ourselves – the true beauty within.
Well said Roberta, and I agree there will never be any satisfaction with our body unless we are connected to our divine self because there is no perfection in our bodies, and when this divine connection is truly felt then it doesn’t matter what we wear it is our light that shines through. And has Adele has shown us, her top is dead cute, but it is her acceptance of herself and her light that is cuter.
This is a great blog Adele, as you have shared what thought processes go on for many people … “do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us? Or are they fed into us”… as it shows how much we do subscribe to the media advertisments that suggest ideal images of what we think we should or shouldn’t be like.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.” Striving for perfection, like striving for happiness, is just that, always a goal or an ideal that can never be reached. Striving keeps us in the struggle. However, as you share, acceptance is the key to getting off this merry-go-round and connecting with ourselves and our deeper purpose.
Beautifully said Carmin striving keeps us in the struggle a great reminder for me today just what I needed to read. “Acceptance is the key to getting off this merry-go-round and connecting with ourselves and our deeper purpose.” No matter what the situation.
Perfection must be one of the most poisonous concepts on the planet. We actually can make ourselves sick with worry and stress from feeling self conscious about all we perceive as wrong about ourselves. We are normally accepted and loved so fully as a baby, and in that time we have no concept of our bodies, we just feel how much we love ourselves, moving our body, and exploring. Ideals are quite insidious causing us to compare and question ourselves, instead of carrying on from where we each were as babies, completely enjoying life, our body and ourselves – concept free. Feeling joy in our body feels so natural.
For many years I hated myself, my body everything about me and that started long before I put on weight so my body size and shape had nothing to do with it. It was how I felt about myself and how far I was from feeling my true self buried and numbed being within with a my very hard numb exterior shell. These days I am still overweight no were near my natural weight but through learning to love myself I can actually feel my body, I feel present with my body and I am learning to feel the messages my body shares with me as in I’m hungry, cold, hot that is how far from present in my body I was in the past so hard and checked out I chose not to know what I was feeling. It has been almost like learning to live again for me. Having this new awareness I have the choice to respect my body or continue to abuse it. Most of the time I chose to love and nurture my body and an able to feel just how delicate and sensitive I really am and express from the sensitive woman I truly am. Just writing this now I can feel and appreciate just how far I have come in returning to the love I always was but did not choose.
We are never going to attain perfection but we can choose to lovingly and fully accept ourselves by letting go of all the self doubts we hold onto about ourselves and yes Adele I agree you look irresistible in your crop top.
So true Doug, one time I went to a busy area and looked at all the light boxes of fashion ads with models in them one after another and I burst into tears! It was painful to feel that as humanity we have accepted “beautiful”and “fashionable” to having no depth in connection or warmth conveyed. Emptiness is not the truth of us as human beings, and it is never truly beautiful.
So true that empty cold perfection is often held up as the epitome of beauty in the fashion and other industries. I know I find someone far more beautiful when they are warm and open and confident in themselves.
Yes. To change in a way to fit in the ‘perfect-box’ (what ever that means for someone) is adapting to a picture we have in our mind. But this adjustment and endings are guide us away from ourselves and leafing us empty covers. And we can feel this in celebrities, as you say Adele: Emptiness is never not truly beautiful. How could it?
“How could we not be irresistible, to ourselves, and others?” – what an awesome way to think about it Adele 🙂
The power for me on re-reading this blog Adele is that the self doubt is the saboteur of joy. When we accept ourselves for all of our imperfections freckles, size and all. We can wear whatever we feel to and it will look glorious because we are showing our radiance from within.
Thank you Adele for such a powerful article – really drawing our attention to the true harm caused by our incessant striving for “perfection”. As you say “Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.” – we miss out on connecting to, enjoying and expressing the gorgeous depths of who we are.
Adele what you’ve written here is pure inspiration. I can look at myself in the mirror and have all these thoughts come in that just bludgeon me or I can connect to my loveliness and just express this beauty as I walk and with what I wear. I’ve got many tops I love but am too something – old or skinny or not slender enough to wear, or I can only wear when I’m feeling bold.
What I’ve noticed is that when I’ve accepted myself I’m also accepting others and not judging them so funnily enough I don’t get critical comments. And if I were to I’d see they weren’t personal and not take them on; or I’d take the hint to come back to me again.
I love your photos. you look amazing and super cute sexy.
‘We are amazing human beings, and emptiness is never our natural way.’ Seeking perfection is so unnatural to us – how amazing the world would be if this was known far and wide.
“Isn’t it true then that there is something wrong with every single person on this planet, as there can never be any perfection?” This sentence exposes the absolute ridiculousness of us striving for an unachievable look or judging ourselves in relation to what we see in media as being the ideal. Every single person on the planet is flawed when compared to these images – even the models who are in the photos! What we see is not real and yet it is the benchmark we hold ourselves and other to. It really makes no sense. When we strive for this perfect ideal we are in total denial of our exquisite innate qualities, which when fully claimed and lived, emanates such depth of beauty that we could be wearing a boiler suit and still be rocking it!
Well said Lucy. It is crazy to hold ourselves ransom to photos that often aren’t even real! We do each have an innate and eternal beauty that is exquisite to behold, expressed in many different ways.
Thank you Adele. What a difference it makes when we wear something while being connected to our amazing selves! I know that feeling when one day a top can look great on me, but another day, when my mood has changed and I have more self doubt, the same top will look different. As you point out, it’s accepting and appreciating ourselves, imperfections and all, that truely counts, and from that the beauty can emanate to all around us whatever we wear.
I totally agree Eleanor – I find it is the same with my body – I am happy with it one day, and then I may be super self conscious about it another day depending on my mood.
Adele, I love what you have shared here and the pictures bring so much more spunk and joy into the writing. Wearing something (anything really) when I am feeling great about myself versus wearing something (anything really) when I am not feeling that great about myself offers a vastly different experience. It is true it is not so much what we wear but how we are when wearing it that makes the difference. Of course picking the clothes that we love and are drawn to, be it in style or colour or the combination of them that we put on, is all a part of our expression and is important too. But it is unquestionable as you have presented that the quality that we are in will determine the joy we get from wearing what we wear! Thank you Adele!
Because in the acceptance and appreciation of me, I am naturally more confident and playful with how I dress. Liberated from some of the fashion expectations my clothes choices are another form of communication and relationship with everyone around me…simple, childlike and fun.
Absolutely Henrietta, ‘It is true it is not so much what we wear but how we are when wearing it that makes the difference’, I notice this all the time. The quality we are in when we wear the clothes does make a huge difference.
I too was stuck with body image, i.e. what I deemed to be beautiful, attractive etc in a woman, and to a point it actually ruled me and didn´t allow me to see and appreciate anything beyond that very limited range of attributes I was fixated on. Today, after years of exposing and letting go most of these ideals and images I am often pleasantly surprised by the beauty and sexiness I see in women that in no way equal the images of once but are truly beautiful and sexy in their expression that comes naturally from within as they enjoy being themselves. Hallelujah.
Adele, I even had not read the text when I was smiling at you lovely pictures. You are beautiful and the top too. Maybe because you are. Love your sharing.
What a gorgeous blog and pictures Adele. I went through a similar experience in wearing a skirt above my knees for the first time in many years – I realised it was about accepting my knees would never look like the fashion models in magazines and wearing something I was drawn to, in honour of myself, meant absolute acceptance of me as I am. After feeling a little self-conscious the first time of wearing a shorter skirt, I love it now and feel playful and gorgeous in it when wearing it!
“Accepting myself with tender loving understanding unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself. It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself”.
Stephanie, I remember seeing you in an above knee skirt for the first time, you looked amazing. Pictures we carry in our heads and comparisons we make can keep us from going beyond what we’ve always done. I’m glad you did.
In disconnection to our true beingness, the identification with the physical body increases and even contributes to and sustains the separation from our inner natural beauty. Ideals can only arise from a deficiency; in misguiding way they then motivate us to seek what we have lost – but in the wrong direction, outside of ourselves. Too proud to admit that it doesn´t work we pull others into the same distortion (advertise in glamour magazine the latest beauty ideals) to not get reflected the utter absurdity but to be confirmed of the whole soulless endeavour.
And returning to simplicity, this whole complexity just feels exhausting Alex! Which confirms why the fashion industry is so deeply exhausted.
This is an awesome blog Adele. I’ve had moments like this – ‘do I buy this?’, ‘do I not?!’ because I think it won’t look right on me because of many reasons – I’m not thin enough, it’s too girly, too many etc. etc…. There was one time in particular where I tried on this super hot stretchy black dress, and I thought noooooo I surely can’t buy this it will highlight my chubbiness, but a friend convinced me and I LOVE the dress, it looks great on and I feel super sexy in it.
Absolutely Susie, we rock clothes because of our choice to be us!
That’s totally brilliant Susie that you chose to buy the dress!
Our choices have an impact on others. To not accept our choices for ourselves and so, try to cover them reflects what? – That we do not take our responsibility. To choose to highlight all of us is taking responsibility about our choices and a form of integrity. Its powerful. And it is sexy. Thank you Adele and Susi for expressing your power and sexiness. It’s a joy.
I agree, it is irresistable, when someone truly accepts her or himself. We underestimate how much we “see” energy first. When you are contracted and hold your own inner beauty back, you can see and feel that looking at a person- even though the physical make up could be “perfect.
It’s true – We underestimate how much we “see” energy first. When someone truly accepts themselves it is irresistible and also I find infectious, calling everyone around them to accept themselves deeper too.
Great point! And either they align or they dismiss or dislike you, for who you are, so that they don´t need to look at their choices, why they are not so radiant yet.
Indeed the energy of self-acceptance is irresistible, it draws people like a magnet, sometimes to be inspired and develop more self-acceptance by others or to be rejected in a comparison of the difference in choices that have been chosen.
I love this Adele. I agree with you, there are so many pictures of how the perfect body should look like and what clothes you then should wear with that type of body. Noticing that these ideals are there and letting them go is amazing to do and when I see your pictures what I feel is that beauty is an expression and an emanation. It is the joy I see in you, your tenderness and enjoyment of the top that really make you look so gorgeous. And that is often not what you see in perfectly dressed and styled people actually.
It is true Lieke that enjoyment of what we wear is a joyful experience. When we strive to perfect how we look, aren’t we saying that as human beings we are not enough? When the fashion indsutry expresses as such, are we not also leading the way in saying being not enough is what the world should follow? In my own experience, it feels limiting to dress like this, I may look pretty, but I don’t feel joy!
Absolutely Adele, I know this too the ‘looking pretty but not feeling the joy’. It is really us that make the clothes look good.
I find it revealing how insidious such thoughts from others can be and how they affect us particularly when we can experience them for ourselves even before another has seen us in it! It shows how much we are influenced by these subtle expectations and images society already has on what is acceptable and what is not yet how impact-full are these thoughts when they can affect how we actually think about something that is obviously so loving and enjoyable to do!
You make a point Adele that would be so easy to slip over, that people can talk about being too skinny, that people can think you might be sick. There are so many judgements that come with size and it is not always about being over weight.
Absolutely so Lucy, and here is where the illusion also lies. There is no gentleness or acceptance almost everytime I open my mouth to share about how I actually disliked being thin, the comparison that comes back is a force strong enough to keep me muted for a bit longer. The reaction though of how we look, is always us not wanting to feel the choices we have made, and the acceptance of everything that have made us how we are, then allows us to express more freely with this physical form—for the truth is we know it is not permanent, but a representation of form with our choice of energy.
‘Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.’ – Yes Adele, very well said.
I love the fact that you have included photos of you in your gorgeous top Adele and you are shining! Accepting who we are as women and not hiding our beauty is something many of us can learn.
Women not hiding their beauty, wow what a revolution, breaking the patterns of comparison and just simply celebrating every woman for the unique beauty she is. Now that is the way of the future.
Dear Adele, it’s great the details you can share about your growing awarenesses and what you discover about yourself. I find this deeply inspirational. Your acceptance is so inspiring as I am working on a similar thing, and when I can feel the critic tying to come up, I know now that this is not true. If we need to be perfect before we can accept and love ourselves, we will never ever get there. So, I choose to accept myself, just the way I am, here and now. The ease my body feels is very confirming.
Yes it is so engrained to have that critic come in Esther and as Adele noted with wearing her new top initially. And where does that come from as it’s not truly us at all, but something we draw in and get caught in. It’s super insidious and something that can be habitual and it’s all around us but as Adele asks where does this came from and no it’s not us, but it continues until we stop and feel how we are and understand that those thoughts are not true.
Over and over again I get to feel that whatever I put out into the swimming pool of life is what i get to swim in it is my choice whcih pool to swim in and what games i play.As much as I would prefer to blame others at times. I love your story Adele.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.” I love this Adele, as the continual search for something from outside us ensures we can never feel whole. Appreciating the bodies we do have, (in all their perceived imperfections) and accepting them – and who we are is so important. En-joy wearing your new top!
Once we start to appreciate our body, it starts to change. How can it not, as when we nurture and accept a flower, it will show all the beauty it is.
You have a great way with words, Adele. “Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.” As soon as we strive to be perfect we are stating we are not acceptable as we are and are striving to be something more. By doing this we separate from ourselves, living in the desire of how we wish to be. Consequently we can only be dissatisfied, empty and vulnerable to the influence of others
‘Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper.’ What you have raised in this blog of how we perpetually seek perfection and how harmful that is and keeps us feeling empty is a fantastic discussion to be had. Perfectionism is a modern day dis-ease and it is all around us. Learning to accept our own uniqueness and the qualities we bring will change not only the way we feel in our own skin and how we view others but a much deeper healing in all that is sorely needed.
Thank you Adele. What a waste of time and energy it is when we reject ourselves because we don’t like what we see in the mirror. Whether we reject ourselves because we don’t want to see and accept the choices we made that are then reflected back to us, or because what we see doesn’t match up to the ideals we measure ourselves against, it’s all the same: a playing small, instead of owning our beauty and allowing ourselves to be seen as who we truly are. When we let go of perfection, and accept our bodies, ourselves, and our expression as being ok just as we are, life becomes easier – and it’s like we give permission to others to do the same.
Very well said Bryony. Women can reject themselves for two reasons – not accepting our reflected ill choices from other people, and because we don’t measure up to our own ideals and beliefs about how we think we should look/act/live. Regardless of which one we choose, these ways of tripping ourselves up are designed to keep us in the spin and way of thinking that perfection is everything, and anything less is not enough.
Yes Bryony, it’s always a choice, to be or not to be who we are in full, ‘a playing small, instead of owning our beauty and allowing ourselves to be seen as who we truly are.’ Acceptance and building love for ourselves is an on-going process that helps us to shine our light for all to see.
Lovely Bryony – to see self-acceptance, -appreciation and – love as what it is : A Service for all.
The playfulness I feel in the photograph where you enjoying YOU and the the top is contagious. Thank you for sharing.
Adele, not buying then buying then firstly not really wearing but then wearing your top not to make you something but to express and underline your beauty and playfulness is a simple and yet so powerful example how worth it is to explore our connection with ourselves and not be dictated by what the world has made us believe.
You have re-written fashion Adele.
This made me chuckle Adele, as I too bought my first crop top in twenty odd years a few months ago. What was funny was that I felt amazing in it, in every way, yet the doubt and questioning was still there…am I too old? Do I look like a prostitute? Such hideous questions which were in such deep contrast to how I actually felt. I had to voice these absurdities out loud to realise the ridiculousness of me entertaining them as thoughts. It is great that you have exposed how easy it is to be drawn in to what we think we should and shouldn’t wear, as opposed to what we feel great in.
If just a top revealed this much then how much is there to feel and learn from other parts if not the whole span of our lives?
Even just writing this comment I am wondering not just on what I am typing but the thoughts that are with me while I am typing. Which brings me back to what you were sharing Adele of what if these thoughts are not from us but come into us from the outside? And if simply writing a comment can attract perfectionist thoughts, and so we tailor our expression to abide or obey those thoughts, and like the first time you wore the top – how much is this happening in life? because it feels like there is this constant force telling us what to do and how to do from every angle – why have we allowed ourselves to get in such a state? and why do we continue to allow ourselves to be suppressed and play the game of suppression? Because at the end of the day our choices to relate to ourselves and our world shape ourselves and our world.
I love this blog Adele. Just yesterday I tried on a couple of dresses that looked amazing on me. They were quite tight fitting but I felt a bit self conscious even though I looked and felt amazing in the dresses. What would people say? A woman of my age wearing a figure-hugging dress…would they see me as showing off or wanting to look younger? I bought one of them anyway because the fabric pattern and colours are gorgeous, and I will have a play at home with the dress and see how I feel in it.
I am really appreciating how wearing more figure hugging clothes actually allows my inner beauty to be seen and appreciated. Also I am finding that as my self-acceptance grows I feel less of a need to hide in baggy flowing clothes even though my shape or weight has not changed.
I agree Jenny. I have clothes – really good clothes – that I’ve let go of because they just don’t feel like me anymore but at the time I loved them. As my self acceptance and self worth grow, how I feel and how I present myself to the world changes … as does my wardrobe to reflect this.
Looking forward to see you in this dress Simone.
I enjoyed reading this Adele as you have made some very interesting observations, with regards to clothes and the thoughts, which then flood our heads to undermine our initial feeling. I am sure many women will recognise the doubt and the internal battle, which can come after purchasing an item of clothing, which then ends up staying in the wardrobe until it gets packed off to the charity shop.
What struck me most with your experience is how much you learnt about yourself and gained a deeper level of acceptance.
One has to but look into the eyes of the models on the catwalks during the fashion shows… there is an emptiness that you can see and feel that seems to project from them. Is this to not distract viewers from what they are wearing which is ironic because what they are selling is ‘Look at Me’. One needs only to look into the eyes of someone that owns and embodies what they are wearing to feel their real beauty.
How beautiful Adele that you did follow your impulse to buy this top. It was the choice to start to deal with your strange beliefs and to claim the beauty of amazing you. And the whole world has the benefit from this choice. Thank you.
Yes Sandra and I was struck by how much opportunity there is to learn all the time – look at what was learned by simply buying a crop top and taking the time to see/feel what comes up for you when you do.
Yeah. And we really have to find out what learning, is offered in my ‘little gifts’ I’ve got. So, as example, if I would buy myself a crop top (living in a cold area) it would among other things mean that I am careless and unloving with myself because I would freeze away my belly button….
Dressing truly for the whole world, why not? We get to feel Amazing and be Irresistable!
And Irresistable you are!
Nothing more irresistible than a woman knowing she is irresistible, very inspiring Adele. Thank you!
Great Blog Adele! What stand out for me today is this sentence: “Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty” – Ha! What a cracker! We seeking to become perfect to then get the recognition and acceptance we are longing for – but this choice, to go for perfection, is leading us up the garden path and we end up feeling even more empty. In Fact there is no perfection in this world because everything and we are all the time in process, nether ending evolving. And this is, and we are beautiful on our journey.
Yes Sandra, impossible for emptiness to breed fullness from looking outside of ourselves!
It is a beautiful journey when we can learn and unfold more of our true selves as Adele has done here. In this learning and yes, evolving as you have shared Sandra, there is no perfection – because we are forever students.
Great example of it is not what we wear that makes us but what we feel within 💕
Thank you Adele, I love what you share here. It is not about being perfect or having a certain body shape, it all comes down to acceptance. With a foundation of acceptance, we can wear a sexy beautiful black top or a jeans of sweatshirt. It is not about the clothes, but the energy in which we put them on and wear the clothes. This is what is being felt.
Absolutely so Mariette, the energy of how we wear clothes changes the clothes, therefore in fashion advertising, it is wise to consider more than just the clothes, as well as more than just the face of the spokesperson.
How wonderful it is that you are working in this line of business as for most people who work in the fashion industry, it is only about the clothes and the looks. As everything is energy this should be the foundation of how we approach fashion. And not only fashion, but everything that we do.
I love that you are working the fashion and image industry and bringing such insight and awareness to it, Adele. I would love for you to be filmed in your work to share with the school children with whom I work: have you ever considered distributing / sharing videos of your work in this way?
This is true Mariette and it is felt in every piece of clothing we put on. Once I wore an outfit to the shops and there was something not right about it. I was trying to work it out and then I realised that I have worn the wrong shoes. My outfit was fine and I felt amazing in it except for me shoes. Once home and I was able to change my shoes the outfit was reflecting me from top to toe. I love how we need to pay attention to every little detail.
Adele I love this example because every woman has experienced this internal tug of war as they ponder over an item of clothing that sits outside their comfort boundary. So important to observe the reactions we women go into and out any holding back or need for perfection. It is you that is way cuter than your top!
and what comes up for me here lucindag is what is this internal tug of war about? Where does it come from? It all comes from a concern over what others will think of us, how we will be perceived etc. This concern over acceptance from others plays a huge part in our lack of acceptance of ourselves which can be turned around to blazing self-worth by being more gentle, tender and much much kinder to ourselves. Gradually we start to celebrate ourselves in many ways including the clothes we wear – as Adele has so beautifully shown here.
Absolutely so Lucy and Lucinda, if we have experienced being masters of self-doubt, we can also choose to be masters of self-worth, it is all a choice in energy.
That’s beautiful Adele. Thank you for your purity and clarity of expression.
Wow Adele – this blog was huge for me. I am not boney – I have curves – and I was of the firm belief that people who were boney would have not a single body issue ever. I used to think ‘that woman is skinny so she must be happy’ – never would I have ever thought there would be any insecurity attached to it. Of course in this arrogance I had never once asked the woman how she felt about her body – I just had the answer in my head and that was that. To read how you describe feeling self conscious just makes me realise how much of a game we play as women and that all of us can feel insecure if we are not claiming ourselves in full.
The way you look in that top is fabulous – not because of your body shape but because you radiate with a confidence of ‘this is all of me’ – in these photos I see beyond just a body and I see you – thank you for talking about an issue I feel so many women still need support with.
I have been very skinny hvmorden, and now am quite curvy (I was going to type “plump”).
I had identical body issues at both extremes. Size 6 or size 12, the problem was not in the number on the tag but in the prevailing attitude I have held towards myself – and the lack of real, deep and luscious acceptance for me, just as I am.
Thank you – this really is the sort of discussion women ought to be having with each other to realise that we are all the same and all equally capable of changing our thoughts towards our bodies – and just how much beating ourselves up keeps us small when there is such a need to play big.
This thread should be how women talk in schools, university, on the street – with absolute openness and honesty. How many of us walk down the st. and have an opinion of what another woman looks like – imagine if all our thoughts were voiced all the time and we started to talk about any comparison that creeps in and then understand it from both sides, in particular how it truly makes us and other people feel, and realise that it is just a game to keep us from appreciating ourselves and others.
I like that hvmorden – yes, voicing our opinion openly rather than holding it like it is a secret would really expose something huge. Th truth is our judgements and comparisons are invisible knives that can be felt – even if they do not register as the spoken word in our ear.
The fact is that those judgements are the projections upon others of what we do unto ourselves first. What if we said the judgements out loud in the privacy of our own home…would that not expose the inner voice that runs our heads and “out” it in way that it can never hide again.
It is our unique expression that is key and not the impossible search for perfection
very true rosannabianchini, learning to accept, appreciate and revel in our own unique expression is definitely where its at!
So true rosannabianchini we spend our time looking for perfection when it is our unique expression we are missing.
Adele your experience and example of buying the crop top and growing to thoroughly enjoy yourself in it is one super duper example of “We are amazing human beings, and emptiness is never our natural way. It is our natural birthright to express how irresistible we are, and by accepting ourselves, and our bodies, we can support each other to return to the deep power and beauty that can be expressed through us.”
Your blog is very inspirational to me Adele. I’m also learning to love my body as it is, in its imperfections, which curiously are the perfect shapes for what I need to heal in my deep inside. Thank you! 🙂
Yes, Amparo, our bodies reflect back to us with the perfection of what we need to learn and express in this lifetime. So there is perfection in the imperfection, as we share our unique qualities with the world that are equally and all a part of God.
“Accepting myself with tender loving understanding unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself.” This is such a beautiful statement. We spend so much of our energy on trying to live up to certain images and criteria that we have been fed that we leave ourselves wanting. To finally turn around and face this situation, to face ourselves and begin with tender loving care to embrace all that is and reconnect the gorgeousness that we are in full is well nigh a miracle. You have shown us here how possible and how joyful this process can be.
“Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper. This emptiness is seen in the eyes of many beautiful women and men, as well as in the lack of connection we have as human beings. So what are we telling the world when in this industry we display images of “perfection”? Are we not also telling the world that emptiness is the way to live and to be?”. Reading this for the 2nd time, I let the words really in. It is in fact horrible the way we display ‘images’ of both Women and Men all around us. No wonder the world’s so empty. I am also becoming aware that for me personally, emptiness is a choice to be with me or not. And I am also becoming aware of the vital importance of sharing this way of being whilst being with others. I’ve never actually wanted to see the importance of this connection. This is touching me. As well as realising how far we’ve allowed ourselves to leave ourselves behind. And how this has become so normal that the people chosing to be themselves are ridiculed. We are to define ourselves from the inside out and not from any belief or ideal from the outside. Thank you Adele. This blog could be used in schools all around the world if you would ask me.
“Isn’t it true then that there is something wrong with every single person on this planet, as there can never be any perfection? But does that stop us from seeking perfection?” Adele, this sentence stood out for me. We are so inclined to look for what is wrong with us in failing to match up to our mental picture of perfection that we lose sight of the natural beauty within.
Hi Adele. What you have reflected in your blog is something I have noticed also. In a moment of feeling beautiful and present something can happen that feels just right and I flow with it, shortly after there are critical and imposing thoughts flowing in and immediately I start to contract, feel less and then pass a judgment regarding the decision and/or choice I made. It can happen so easily and so quickly. When we are with ourselves and aware of what was happening we are able to support our choices and re-affirm how amazing we truly are by saying ‘Yes’ to was is really true and not allowing the old beliefs and ideal to control. Thanks for sharing and for holding true to the light that came from within you.
Adele this is great, how many of us get caught in this game of having to look perfect before we can wear something. It’s crazy as I know I have done that so many times. It’s not about being perfect like you share, it’s about us connecting to ourselves when we wear the cloths
This is profound Adele ~ ‘Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper’. It feels like a strategy or an excuse for us to keep ourselves so much less, never getting the true essence that defies and outshines perfection in every way.
Loving the top, most particularly for the invitation it presented you to write this article, de-bunking perfection and putting acceptance to appreciation to love and joy on the map, again most particularly because of the industry you work in. Thank you, Adele.
Well expressed Matilda! It is outstanding that a stylist is expressing that- what a great role model you are Adele for all your colleagues and industry!
Whether that is our physical feature or whatever we put on, an obsession with image robs us of appreciating the essence of who we truly are. We get so tantalised by our five senses we make that too important too often. Adele, you are beautiful in this cutest black top, or even in a potato sack.
‘Obsession with image…’ is like putting on glasses that limit us to see beyond the surface of anything instead of looking deep into another´s inner and enjoy meeting each other.
I agree obsession of image robs us from appreciating the essence of who we truly are. Our senses take us on a joy ride.
This is so profound Adele..”Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty, as we hover on the surface and do not venture deeper. This emptiness is seen in the eyes of many beautiful women and men, as well as in the lack of connection we have as human beings. So what are we telling the world when in this industry we display images of “perfection”? Are we not also telling the world that emptiness is the way to live and to be?” I am still trying to get the depth of what you have expressed here, having been a perfectionist my whole life. The thought of saying “oops, I made a mistake” is a devastating thought for me. Now that is worth further investigation!
As very young children we naturally feel how gorgeous we are, we are lacking in any judgement or comparison about our looks and what we should wear. None of this happens until later, the age depending on how young we are when we are exposed to ideas of beauty, fashion and style. Without those thoughts being fed from outside we are at ease with how we look and what we wear – choosing to wear the colours that attract us. Which just goes to show all these thoughts about our looks are absolutely false because once, not so long ago, we didn’t have them.
How true Josephine, when I look at myself as a small child, all I see is beauty and real delight of who I am. Not the false thoughts about myself which become very clear to me in my teenage years. All I wanted to do at this age was hide as I was too tall and skinny and my self worth was zero. As you say “not so long ago, we didn’t have them”, the false thoughts!
Love this blog Adele. Acceptance is definitely the key – embracing ourselves exactly as we are and changing rooms in shops can provide great opportunities to practise this with ourselves – the light is often harsh and shows every ‘flaw’! One day I was trying on a pair of trousers presented by the sales assistant which I judged to be too tight, too young or too something to wear. Funnily enough as I observed myself in the mirror I just saw myself exactly as I was, imperfections and all, and all those thoughts dropped away. Sure everything was the same, I was still an older woman in a jazzy pair of tight trousers with thin legs, but I simply felt the joy of that with no should or should not. There was no turning away and wanting something to be different. And I bought the trousers and wore them a lot. Our judgments and self-crticisms hold us out of our bodies and being able to connect to our fullness, beauty and joy in simply being who we are.
Accepting myself for all that I am has been challenging at times as I was raised with the need to be perfect and I never felt I was, so was always striving for what I now realise was the unobtainable. I recently had some professional photos done and when I received the proofs I found myself looking for the perfect one but getting in the way was the inner critic; all I could see was my wrinkles. But I was soon brought back to myself when I voiced out loud “I didn’t realise I had so many wrinkles” and from the honesty of one of my visiting grandchildren came the response: “Haven’t you looked in the mirror lately Nanny”. I laughed out loud as I was able to appreciate the honesty and the truth I had just been presented with, and from there was able to claim the fact that, wrinkles or not, I am still a beautiful woman, and in the next photo I looked at that’s exactly what I could see.
The desire for perfection, for always getting things right and not making mistakes is a crippling way to live. It has stopped me from making choices and from committing in life and hence holding back the powerhouse that I am. I feel so fortunate to finally see this clearly and to have the freedom to now choose otherwise.
‘It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.’ Adele, what a beautiful sentence to share with the world this is. When we have acceptance of who we are from the inside what is on the outside matters little, as from within appreciation and joy bubble up and joyfully exude to everyone, thank you.
Not deeply accepting and appreciating myself keeps me locked away, unable to really open my gaze and allow others in to see me and feel the enormous love I am.
“It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.”- Adele, what a powerful message of self acceptance you have shown us all through your own living experience in purchasing a crop top.
I love that by adhering to your initial impulse to get the cute top allowed such a gorgeous process of allowing for more acceptance and deeper appreciation of you and your body. You wear joy well Adele, thank you for sharing it.
Thank you Adele for sharing such a beautiful discovery about yourself. The top is gorgeous because of you and how you live with it on you. It’s an extension of your divine expression. This is what the beauty industry could really be about – it could still be a flourishing enterprise where we still purchase clothing, jewellery, perfume, make up and all the accessories simply to confirm how glorious we all are … There is so much fun, joy and playfulness in expressing this way. We are all equally gorgeous models, you could not possibly exclude anyone!
Love your new top Adele ..you wear it well. The most beautiful expression of a woman is in her embodiment and full acceptance of all she is. It is our natural birthright to express our divinity, and the beauty that can be expressed through us is for all of us. Thanks for sharing yours.
I hadn’t yet described myself as irresistible before! but I can completely feel in my body as I say these words just how irresistible true love and joy really is. It’s like a magnet in your chest, your whole heart that of course attracts everyone else to be and feel the depth of this gorgeousness in their own hearts. Loving our bodies begins with loving and deeply nurturing ourselves, including our choices on what to wear and the thoughts we allow to run us or not. Inspirational is a man or woman dressing their bodies in true reflection of the acceptance they live every day.
Have we not all been suckers for perfection. It’s like being a hamster on a wheel and it never ends… not good enough, far enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, strong enough, successful enough, liked enough, paid enough and smart enough. When all this stops and we step off that wheel, what is left?
I can say for myself that I have certainly been on this wheel of perfection for a very long time and around I go again striving for this elusive perfection that will never be. What if I stop and accept myself the way I am, accept the choices I have made, the looks I have etc., what then? It feels to me like it’s time to hop off this wheel to give it a go!
When I do stop as I have more of late, what I have discovered is that we are all so intrinsically beautiful.To disagree with that simply means you have never stopped.
A mountain of “enough” to be climbed. We strive for the top, the pinnacle, the ultimate goal. There are bodies scattered along the way, of those who could not make it, and those that nearly made it. Eyes cast forward, we ignore them, determined that we can get there if only we try hard enough. And then perhaps one day we look at the ones who have ‘made it’ the beautiful/smart/rich ones who live at the peak, and if we take our eyes off the perfection prize, and look at them closely enough and with our hearts open, we see the emptiness in their eyes, the strain in their faces and ultimately the desolation in their relationships. Do we learn or do we keep going?
In answer to your question ‘Do we learn or do we keep going?’ I say we tend to keep going Rachel. We occasionally stop treading water for a brief moment, stick our head up to see where we are trying to get to, but then quickly get back to treading more water in an all too familiar form of survival.
But this blog offers something different. The possibility of laying flat out on your back in the water, letting go of the striving, feeling what it might be like to just float there with no agenda, arrested from the strain of having to be more and simply feeling content to be with yourself and enjoy your very own beautiful presence.
Wanting to be perfect feels like being held to ransom by ourselves and the thoughts of others and is constant internal dialog for many. For me bringing more tenderness to how I am with myself has really helped to develop and stronger sense of true self worth and appreciation of loveliness that is already there regardless of how I look.. And as you say Adele when you wore the top “disconnected to myself, what I heard and felt were the judgments from myself as well as from the world on self-image. Thank you Adele.
Adele self acceptance is truly the key to unlock our appreciation for ourselves and others too. Once we unlock this everything else dissolves away and celebration for how gorgeous we all are ensues.
My heart just melted when I say your pictures Adele, when I read your story you touch me, as I feel the truth you have written. Body image is capturing us, wanting to have us a certain way, in a box. This can never be true in any way. I too have chosen to believe this lie, one that deceitfully harms humanity. What I can feel from your blog is that you are some one who offers us something different, fully different I must say, you offer us the space to accept our beauty, no matter what. This deeply relaxes me and takes off the pressure that I am no good enough. This brings absolute value to a person, that is what we need, criticizing ourselves and taking ourselves or even each other down is practiced enough, lets truly practice loving and accepting our love to be totally grand – no matter if this goes fully against any image we have been chosen to believe. Like you said Adele, we are constantly fed believes/thoughts, it makes sense, because they are not truly mine, they are from no one, because we are love.
I so love what you share here Adele. There have been many a time where I would not wear a top, because it shows my midrif, or would wear something underneath it so that part of my body is covered. For all the reasons that you have shared with us. Seeing your joy wearing your top is absolutely inspiring.
Adele what you have shared it something I feel many women have experienced or can relate to in some way. There seems to be this internal drive to strive for body perfection that is never attainable as we all are so different yet exactly the same when we are connected to our hearts and not what we look like.
Taking on images of how we think we ‘should’ look is really harmful. But with acceptance of the beauty already inside us we can allow ourselves the freedom to develop our natural shape and expression and with this we support everyone else too!
All the thoughts about ourselves and others are indeed fed to us. How different is life when we do preciously connect to our bodies compared when we do not. Both your words and pictures speak for itself. When connecting to my own body, it has actually so much to offer. It never judges, it just reveals. Both my loving choices and the non-loving choices I made. Always and continuesly forever appreciating me. My body is supporting me inmensely. In fact, it is a true honour to live inside this body. I can relate to all the judgements as well about my own body as well as other bodies. I feel more and more that chosing the judgements is to keep me from connecting to myself and others. I won’t feel myself or others when disconnected. And chosing this obviously ‘proves’ that both me and others are not loving… Which of course is the biggest lies I’ve ever sold myself. Taking – indeed – all the joy away. Which is a joy to write.
Love this, Adele, “Accepting myself with tender loving understanding unlocked a power of not needing to hide or change myself. It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.”. It is so crazy how we judge ourselves and our appearance, all judged against a backdrop of so-called PERFECTION. But there is no such thing, we are all different, and who is to say what is perfect. We are all humans, all in very different bodies, and a human cannot be perfect. For you, acceptance was key, and acceptance is definitely key for me, acceptance that I am beautiful just for being ME. Just have to put it into practice more and more, so I too no longer judge myself as not being enough as I am. Thank you so much, Adele for a really inspiring blog.
You do look absolutely gorgeous Adele. I can see the beauty in others around me, and I can see when they cannot see it themselves and how ridiculous that is because it simply IS who they are, yet seeing and accepting that amazing beauty within myself and really embracing and celebrating that still frequently eludes me – I expect it is because I am not living that beauty, the livingness of it within my body – every day – yet.
Beautiful Adele, the joy you are feeling for yourself is so apparent in the second photo, WOW! I love the questions you raise about where our self criticism comes from, because when we are encouraged to venture deeper, to re-connect to our deep, endless love within, criticism of any kind has absolutely no foot hold. The media images of beauty that we spew out bear no resemblance to the true beauty we naturally are and when I look at that photo of you walking, all I see is true beauty shinning out.
Absolutely. The joy in the photo was truly felt.
absolutely- the joy that is emanating is striking. How could you ever not see this as “perfect”?!
You just fall in love with someone radiating this joy and presence.
Your words paint a picture for me Adele of life and love is like a river, or sea and how perfection comes along and looks to box it in, putting obstacles in its way like a damn. The moment we understand this perfection trick, its like the acceptance helps dissolves the damn and everything can flow within us once again.
Great analogy Joseph, beautiful in fact as you describe the natural flow within life and our bodies that is always possible. Why then would we want to choose anything to get in the way or block this loveliness? When from this accepted loveliness we can handle anything and everything that flows our way.
Joseph, how beautifully expressed…
I remember having a top once that sat above my belly button. It was a beautiful top but I hardly ever wore it because of the self esteem issues that I had. Yes everybody looks, and everybody has there opinion and you can feel the distain, or the jealousy, or the judgment coming across. I have since put on quite a lot of weight where I wouldn’t like to wear that same top in todays day and age but I am the only person stopping me from doing so. It is all about how comfortable we feel in our own skin, and really truly claiming how we feel on the inside and what makes each and every one of us joyful. It is an amazing journey to be rediscovering the beauty within.
This is a powerful point Adele – ‘Wanting to be perfect is a guarantee that we remain empty’. As with this, we are always focusing on what we are not, what is not ‘right’, what we need to change to be ‘perfect’, all in comparison to a picture or image coming from outside of ourselves, rather than accepting and appreciating what is already there, within, that we can claim and build on. With wanting to be ‘perfect’ we are denying the natural beauty and power that we already are within, that is waiting to be lived and celebrated.
There is nothing about us that truly wants to be empty and yet we can place a cap on ourselves, a perfectionist ideal that keeps us from ever feeling full of the love we truly are. Isn’t it interesting that we begin from such a young age to seek outside of ourselves for recognition and to fill a picture when all along we are already complete and everything a loving, human being can be was there from the beginning.
Beautifully said Carola. So true that while we are focusing on falling short on the perfected picture we have allowed ourselves to be hooked into we are always dominated by thoughts about what is not right and what needs to be changed. What if the only change we needed to make was to accept ourselves in full and all else will naturally fall into place.
It is quite a wicked trick, enticing ourselves with un-true images that have been heavily tweaked in photo shop that keep us forever wishing we were built differently. Our emptiness can never be filled in this way, coming back to our bodies, breathing gently and bringing our awareness to what naturally resides within us all is the only way forward. Once felt we will never again fall for those picture perfect images, they simply do not compare to our natural tender beauty within.
The process you explore Adele from feeling uncomfortable in this top to feeling awesome in it is one that I am sure that many of us can relate to. What you have shared is what so many women need to hear, that it doesn’t necessarily matter what we wear, it is the how we wear it and how we feel about ourselves that matters. I know that I have worn the same outfit and felt very different about myself in that same outfit. When I claim and feel the awesomeness of me, people will express how amazing I look. Other times when I self doubt and am in judgement of myself, no one will comment on the same outfit. It goes to show, it is what’s inside that counts. People think that it is the outer appearance that they are commenting on, but what they are really commenting on is what they feel from you.
This is so true Donna. I often catch myself commenting on how amazing someone’s clothing is when really I needed to express to them how amazingly claimed they were expressing themselves in that moment.
This is my observation too, Donna and I also notice it is not really what the woman wears that looks amazing, it is the energy she emanates that makes the outfit come alive or not. It’s a whole package that expresses something of beauty, style or gorgeousness.
That energy is expressed in her grace and her gestures. It can be seen in the depth of her eyes and felt in her presence – warm, still and tender. That beauty can not be found any clothes rack.
It’s like not knowing what to wear and feeling like you don’t like any of your clothes. There have been times when I have tried on a multitude of different outfits and I have felt awful in all of them. These have been the very same outfits that on other occasions I have felt great in. As you say Donna, this has nothing to do with the clothes themselves but all to do with the way I am feeling in the clothes.
I love that Fiona. We need to step away from the wardrobe and try on a different energy!
Thank you Adele, this question stood out for me: “…do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us?” I can relate to the thoughts and ideas you are sharing here, that are holding us back to accept our bodies just the way they are. And it is very inspiring to see you wearing your new top!
Judith, I love how you have highlighted “…do the thoughts of how we see ourselves actually come from us?” I feel that they do, ouch, how much damage we do to ourselves in listening to those thoughts that are fed through us. I know for years, I had a very low perception of myself, could only see the imperfections in my body. How crazy was that, none of us are perfect, we are all different. And if we feel beautiful, then we are beautiful. And I agree, Adele looks great in her beautiful new top.
True Beverley, if we feel beautiful we are beautiful and that shines out through us often making our flesh glow and filling our features with light no matter the symmetry, perfection or imperfection of our faces and bodies.
Thank you for your contribution and for exposing the craziness of this belief system that tells us we have to be perfect before we can wear certain things and that we better hide and demurely submit to these ideals. And also, you look absolutely gorgeous!
I just had to stop by here to also say how beautiful and radiant you are in your photos Adele, my immediate sense was not of your new top but of all of you, holding yourself in your own love and self-acceptance and with this absolute joy just oozes from you. Thank you for sharing you.
I agree cheriseholt, it is so beautiful what Adele shares, and it’s easy to see and feel that she lives what she is talking about here, it’s not just words. She looks and feels stunning in her photos.
Great point here cheriseholt because it’s not the clothes per se, but how we feel in them, and the more we appreciate and accept ourselves, the more this inner beauty reflects on the outside.
It is not the top adorning the woman in beauty, it is the beauty of the woman that adorns the top.
When traveling e.g. to England, especially London with its multi-cultural and multi-lifestyle richness, I am always surprised by what people wear and how they look as my ‘belief system’ holds certain images that get quite challenged and exposed for their limiting unnecessity. Actually I enjoy my imaginings to be stretched and expanded beyond my imaginative power. Everything is possible, nothing too absurd or crazy, everyone can choose everything to wear and how to look. Nevertheless, true beauty is in how a person feels with themself and if the outer looks express the inner beauty.
Wow, thank you Adele. You express beautifully and simply.
Great to have the discussion of ‘boniness’ out there, I can relate to this strongly yet have never stopped to see and express it quite like this.
I received lots of comments growing up for being ‘bony’. Often this comment would come up when someone would hug me or when I was a girl sitting on an adults knee and have held a belief that somehow one is more lovable and hug-a-ble if they are more ‘fully fleshed’.
I had not realised it until now, but in reaction to this I have passed judgement on myself and on reading your article i could particularly feel ‘gosh, I simply have not loved my bones’….with this awareness I feel a lightness to change how I am with myself and my body. Thank you.
Wow to you too Susan, this is a huge awareness to come to. We don’t only set-up (from outside pictures of perfection and comments) ourselves to not like the amount of flesh we have or don’t have but there is also a reaction to our bones… that’s pretty deep! This extreme focus on how we look and appear to look goes so much deeper than many of us realise.
Gorgeous Adele, such a beauty and joy, the pictures speak for themselves. Our body awareness is trained from a young age in identifying what we are not instead of confirming who we are. This causes so much damage and hurts and leads to building a false and hardening self esteem to cope with it, but what we are truly lacking is self worth. Self worth comes from knowing our sacredness, delicateness, fragility and preciousness as women and we all have it we just need to re-connect to it. What you share Adele is a beautiful testimony of re-connecting to your true inner beauty as the gorgeous woman you are. Very inspiring!!
Thanks Rachelandras, this is a real key for me, to keep confirming myself in my truth. This of course entails to connect to that truth in the first place and feel my self-worth.
Yes this blog is asking us all to look more deeply into our self-connection and personal value. Self-worth is paramount.
Wow Rachel – this is to ponder on: we are “trained from a young age in identifying what we are not instead of confirming who we are”. How would life on earth be if would be confirmed for who we are?
And I can agree from personal experiences. I found the magic of flourishing by my partner and friends when I stop wanting them to be different but confirming who they are in truth and celebrate their beauty.
Absolutely Sandra, thats a big one for me as well, I never had body issues or would put myself down, but always massive expectations towards my partner and kids wanting them to be in a certain way instead of confirming them. And this shows me how little confirmation I am living for myself, that I have this self-esteem for me, but that I am covered in hardness to not feel my delicateness and fragility that is me. This all comes to deepen my relationship with myself and feeling my self worth. We can feel confident on the outside, but do we truly confirm ourselves in our grandness and sacredness as women? This has been a big revelation for me and I deeply appreciate the support of Esoteric Women’s Health to support me in connecting to me truly.
The issues that both men and women have about their physical bodies is huge. Most of us are walking around with a lot of self-criticism and lack of self-acceptance, when in truth we are absolutely gorgeous on the inside and if we just allowed ourselves to be as we are and allowed that of others from young the fact that there is no-thing wrong with any of us would become very very evident. Also the more that we are able to accept ourselves, by default the more comfortable and accepting we become of our body shape.
So true shevonsimon, it is so ingrained in us that something must be wrong that it is hard to accept that there is in fact no-thing wrong with us at all. So this needs to be repeated again and again to change these thoughts and believes for good.
There needs to be a subject at school called ‘Acceptance’ as it is a plague on society that many of us do not accept ourselves as the divine beings that we innately all are. As you say it is so ingrained in us that something must be wrong with us. What a great reflection Adele will be for those who cross her gorgeous path.
We are blasted with acceptance and tolerance towards others in the media, at school and in the workplace but this is all empty if we do not first relearn how to accept ourselves. Adele is irresistibly breaking with the fashion industry mottos.
I agree shevonsimon. In schools I hear negative comments coming from students about the body shape of others. It is cruel and very harming. This comparison starts so early. It is something that schools have started to tackle, however only 1 or 2 hours max is spent on it per year. It should be ongoing and given high priority.
Yes, comparison is a killer when it comes to our self acceptance. I recently went to a school and presented to a group of 13-14 year olds on body image, and comparison was the number one issue. Bringing ourselves down and others is the opposite of embracing, appreciating and celebrating our true beauty. We can never celebrate our own beauty without celebrating the beauty of others – it is all one and the same. And likewise, we can never criticise or belittle another without having done so to ourselves first.
Beautifully said Shevon.
Wow your experience of claiming yourself and your body Adele is gorgeous to read. And what you now hold as a strength and love in your body, will be a blessing for anyone who you work with who feels stuck in the merry-go-round of trying to ‘perfect’ their looks and bodies.
I constantly felt there was something wrong with myself and my body in my teenage years and into my twenties, to make me perfect I thought bulimia was the ticket, but this was only a ticket to spiral down even more and thinking less of myself. There is no need to look for a ticket to betterment anywhere, as you have shared Adele, it is exposing and letting go of all the outer influences imposing perfection onto us and looking how we react to that or hold ourselves in the light of knowing of who we are.
I love this line – “It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.”
I can relate to all you say here, Aimee, but for me, I felt things were wrong with my body for most of my life, until the past 9 years, since I found Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and gradually came to understand that we are already all we need to be. But it has taken quite a while to fully accept my body as it is, and as it has been changing over these 9 years. It is crazy how we have this constant feeling of not being good enough. Yes, acceptance is the key for us to have no need any more for so-called perfection. We are beautiful as we are, just need to appreciate that and really love ourselves as that.
Beverley, I like your sentence “Yes, acceptance is the key for us to have no need any more for so-called perfection” – and as I read that line, another comment was there for me to add to that for myself – “and no need to apologize” – as that has been the silliness of my response of recent years when a photograph has been requested for this or that, whereby all I had been able to see in response to a glance in the mirror, was the evidence in my portraiture of a life of disregard in one way or another – all etched on my face for others to supposedly have an opinion about. However, as many comments have uttered lovingly in response to Adele’s blog – “we are beautiful as we are”, and as you share in your last line “just need to appreciate that and really love ourselves as that”.
Adele, thank you for a gorgeous blog and reading it I could feel how that search for perfection keeps us away from accepting and truly appreciating who we are. I have played this one for a long time and often have an exalted state out there somewhere to get to before I will accept and yet today feeling your joy and lightness with you and how you explored being with your new top has been a lovely reminder that I’m chasing a mirage which doesn’t exist, and all the while I do, right now here in my loveliness, and that’s not a mirage.
Thank you Adele, it is confirming to read this today “It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself.” as I am realising this is a reason to not be accepting as there are areas in my life I expect perfection and so to be accepting of non perfection feels freeing and more real. It is a little crazy striving for perfection in regards to our bodies as everyones body is different so who knows or says which one is ‘perfect’ ?!?
Yes jsnelgrove36, there is no perfect. But our constant striving for it keeps us away from appreciating what we already have. As you share, this propensity to have other areas of our lives also look perfect (ie the way we think they should be) also creates conflict within ourselves. Acceptance is the key.
Yes, perfection is illusionary. Like an oasis in the mind, (that never exists), we live in a way that we believe is bringing us closer to the ‘gold’, if we only do this or that, have this or that, or look like this or that.
Walking through life and living from the images in our heads, we miss out on the riches of beauty that can only be felt by living from one’s whole body.
This is a great blog, Adele, in which you raise many significant points. The one that stands out for me is, “Are we not also telling the world that emptiness is the way to live and to be?” What a difference there is between faces of fashion models and those in the Universal Medicine ‘Before and After’ photo gallery.
This stood out for me also Jonathan as such a great point, which is the same as many photos on social media that are primed in such a way to look just perfect – perfect face or body or perfect families etc. I can feel with this, we all have a responsibility, without perfection, to show ourselves in a real and open way without putting on a facade. Yes agreed these photos on Universal Medicine reflect to everyone our true essence from within.
Yes, I agree Aimee. The pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect (from our emptiness) becomes a pressure and drive for perfection that we impose onto others by ‘selling’ unreal images and perpetuating the need for more. Never does our innate joy-fullness need anything more than who we are. Images of that reflect this fullness as opposed to emptiness offer us inspiration and evolution – a gorgeous responsibility to hold.
The pressure we often feel to be a certain way – whether it be the way we dress, how we have our hair, how we are as parents/at work etc., and regardless of whether we are man or woman – is absolutely huge! And you are so right Aimee, it is our responsibility “without perfect, to show ourselves in a real and open way”… in other words, to just be who we naturally are, and not something the world or someone else thinks we should or could be.
I agree with you Jonathan, love how you bring our the difference “between the faces of fashion models and those in the Universal Medicine ‘Before and After’ photo gallery”. The fashion models appear so wooden in the face (even in their so-called perfection), compared to the great beauty, vibrance, sparkling eyes and absolute joy in the faces of the Universal Medicine students. The latter are so full of life.
So true Jonathan. There are many celebrities and sports starts that are reflecting that emptiness is the way to live and to be. It is amazing that we have the Universal Medicine ‘Before and After’ photo gallery as a true marker of reflecting the love that we all are.
Reminds me of Natalie Benhayon´s term ‘true sexy’ and the same we can use here as ‘true beauty’ – everything true that is expressed, how we look or behave comes from BEING true in the first place. Acceptance of self and others is key to true beingness, without only what we are not is expressed and produced, hence the need to substitute the deficiency with outer attributes, i.e. ideals and beliefs we then need to strive for with all the comparison and competition that comes along with such desperate measures.
I agree Jonathon, there is nothing else on earth quite like the Universal Medicine ‘Before and After’ photo gallery. Fullness, love and joy in people eyes – true role models.
” It was acceptance, not a need to be perfect, that deepened the appreciation and joy I felt for myself”.
And this story about your top is a great example Adele.
This line stood out for me too, Janina. Accepting who we are, what we look like and where we are in life is necessary to appreciate ourselves in full. And if we can do that with ourselves others get it simultaneously.