The Texting Game. Innocent or not so Innocent?

by Beverley Brown, Norfolk, UK

I recently had an experience which I feel to share. To set the scene, my partner and I live together; the endeavour of us both is to maintain a commitment to live and grow in love together.

Recently I received a text from a (very) ex-boyfriend and we communicated briefly. I did not tell my partner at first, until he was present when a text or two arrived and only then did I offer information. This texting communication was to me just a random communication with someone whom I had known for many years, and I did not think too much of it. (First stage of ignorance!)

I spoke to my partner as I noticed that he seemed a little out of sorts, and with this he eventually owned up to not feeling very comfortable about the texts. Again I brushed it off and spoke with him about his own insecurities in the relationship – I made it all his problem and not mine (Second stage of ignorance! And a huge dose of arrogance, to assume it was nothing for me to look at).

Over the holidays, a couple more texts from other ex-boyfriends arrived and this got my attention. I felt uncomfortable about discussing this with my partner, so here lay a clue for me as to the possible energy and deceit that was at play. Now, ready to explore the possibility that there could be something for me to have a look at, I attended an Esoteric Healing session, ready to expose what was there to be exposed. During the session, with a deeper honesty I was able to see how I had really known and felt what was going on but had chosen to ignore it: as the long held pattern that was running in me was greater than the depth of honesty I was prepared to go to in the first instance. To explain: A strong pattern of lack of commitment in relationships, due to “Just in case this does not work out, I have a plan B ready so I won’t get too hurt, or hurt for too long” was running very strongly in me. This left a huge opening for the very disruptive energy of deceit and my avoidance of commitment to enter in and take the stage within our relationship. By allowing this pattern to run I allowed that energy in; the consequence was such that it disrupted the foundation of our relationship, which could have been the start of the walls falling down.

With honest communication, my partner and I explored and exposed the truth of what was going on, (which involved me admitting I was wrong. Ouch!). And so when another text appeared, we spoke of it together as soon as it arrived, and then I replied. The reply I sent was not laced with: “Yes, I’ll communicate with you so I have a plan B”, but instead was based on the integrity of: “Here I stand strong in my relationship, fully committed (both feet in) and not needing a plan B just in case”.

Interestingly, instead of the usual flow of texts, there was no reply to this last response. This is a great example of the real energy at play and how simply it can be arrested. With honest reflection, I can say that I had felt a flirting energy from the texts and this is what I responded to, also with a flirty nature. I had deemed this as all harmless (there is the ignorance again) due to our long-term familiarity, and also because of the ‘keeping a plan B’ pattern running which went hand in hand with my lack of commitment in relationships.

The point I am sharing really, is that we know deep down what is going on all of the time and all that it requires is for us to choose to see it. If we choose ignorance then this too can be our downfall, and the very thing we are trying to avoid, we create. In my case I was trying to avoid feeling hurt (having a plan B or 2 on ice) but I was actually on a path to creating the very hurt I was trying to avoid. I hope you followed me on that as it reveals much.

We all like to be flattered, but it’s great to be aware of what energy that flattery carries, and what, why and how we let it in, and for what reason we allow ourselves to be tantalised.

137 thoughts on “The Texting Game. Innocent or not so Innocent?

  1. “the very thing we are trying to avoid, we create.” By trying to protect ourselves from hurts we create a cycle of hurts.

  2. Beverley I loved reading this because it reminded me so much of deceptive patterns of energy that I have entertained over the years, also to do with flirting. It’s quite awful to admit but as a yoga teacher I became aware very suddenly that I had a habit of gravitating more towards the new guys in the class to ask them how it’d gone, far more than the woman. I was using the cover of ‘checking in with others’ to be mildly flirty. And whilst on the subject of being flirty, I used to constantly flirt with men in general, regardless of whether or not I was actually interested in them, it was simply a button that I had permanently pressed on. The reason being that I felt like I needed that almost constant confirmation that I could hook guys in. Both behaviours are long gone but the process of uncovering unsupportive behaviours is still very much with me.

  3. Re-reading this awesome blog I am feeling how often I feign ignorance about what is really going on when I am not committing 100% to any aspect of my life. This has been reflected recently in a particular area of my life and now that I am finally addressing this I can feel how my foundation is stronger which is reflected throughout my life.

  4. We can brush off a lesson so easily when, as you say, “the long held pattern that was running in me was greater than the depth of honesty I was prepared to go to in the first instance.”

  5. This blog offers an interesting reflection on the whole content that every message and communication carries with it. It’s not only the words at play, but the energy we align with when we express and receive others, what sets the quality foundation of our way of relating with them. Being aware of this fact, opens us to a new understanding of relationships with greater responsibility and even truer access to love in them.

  6. This is a real eye opener of a blog, and it highlights for me how we often take words at face value, and in fact it’s about the intention and energy that is running with all of us … and while it’s easy to blame another the real gold here is to look at what we are doing, what exactly is it we get from it and where might we be invested / looking for an out in some way. This can play out in so many arenas, in our work, in our relationships where we always want to have one foot in, one foot out, ‘our escape plan’ if you will and in all of this we’re holding back … it’s an ugly game and one where we avoid the next level of commitment that’s there to be lived, and the more we do this, the more we’re offered to learn and grow with. We choose the level we’re willing to commit, and it’s for us to see and be honest about where we’re at with that and to if we wish address it.

    1. Feeling how any lack of commitment is around wanting to control an outcome and how when we commit to being fully present in the moment that commitment is felt by all.

  7. I find it very supportive to understand that none of what we do is from us but rather from an energy we choose to express and let through us in any given moment. It depersonalises it in these cases as it offers us the space to feel we are grander and that this behaviour was never truly of our essence any way.

    1. I agree Joshua, I too am loving the clarity and in many ways the sense of freedom that I feel in knowing that everything comes down to alignment. We are either aligned to the consciousness of God or we’re aligned to a form of consciousness that wants to prevent us from aligning to the consciousness of God and everything can be broken down into one of those two categories. I love the simplicity of this and the fact that it then supports us all to re-align without any need for criticism of either ourselves or others. No blame only alignment.

  8. We do know what is going on at all times, ‘we know deep down what is going on all of the time and all that it requires is for us to choose to see it.’

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