by Beverley Brown, Norfolk, UK
I recently had an experience which I feel to share. To set the scene, my partner and I live together; the endeavour of us both is to maintain a commitment to live and grow in love together.
Recently I received a text from a (very) ex-boyfriend and we communicated briefly. I did not tell my partner at first, until he was present when a text or two arrived and only then did I offer information. This texting communication was to me just a random communication with someone whom I had known for many years, and I did not think too much of it. (First stage of ignorance!)
I spoke to my partner as I noticed that he seemed a little out of sorts, and with this he eventually owned up to not feeling very comfortable about the texts. Again I brushed it off and spoke with him about his own insecurities in the relationship – I made it all his problem and not mine (Second stage of ignorance! And a huge dose of arrogance, to assume it was nothing for me to look at).
Over the holidays, a couple more texts from other ex-boyfriends arrived and this got my attention. I felt uncomfortable about discussing this with my partner, so here lay a clue for me as to the possible energy and deceit that was at play. Now, ready to explore the possibility that there could be something for me to have a look at, I attended an Esoteric Healing session, ready to expose what was there to be exposed. During the session, with a deeper honesty I was able to see how I had really known and felt what was going on but had chosen to ignore it: as the long held pattern that was running in me was greater than the depth of honesty I was prepared to go to in the first instance. To explain: A strong pattern of lack of commitment in relationships, due to “Just in case this does not work out, I have a plan B ready so I won’t get too hurt, or hurt for too long” was running very strongly in me. This left a huge opening for the very disruptive energy of deceit and my avoidance of commitment to enter in and take the stage within our relationship. By allowing this pattern to run I allowed that energy in; the consequence was such that it disrupted the foundation of our relationship, which could have been the start of the walls falling down.
With honest communication, my partner and I explored and exposed the truth of what was going on, (which involved me admitting I was wrong. Ouch!). And so when another text appeared, we spoke of it together as soon as it arrived, and then I replied. The reply I sent was not laced with: “Yes, I’ll communicate with you so I have a plan B”, but instead was based on the integrity of: “Here I stand strong in my relationship, fully committed (both feet in) and not needing a plan B just in case”.
Interestingly, instead of the usual flow of texts, there was no reply to this last response. This is a great example of the real energy at play and how simply it can be arrested. With honest reflection, I can say that I had felt a flirting energy from the texts and this is what I responded to, also with a flirty nature. I had deemed this as all harmless (there is the ignorance again) due to our long-term familiarity, and also because of the ‘keeping a plan B’ pattern running which went hand in hand with my lack of commitment in relationships.
The point I am sharing really, is that we know deep down what is going on all of the time and all that it requires is for us to choose to see it. If we choose ignorance then this too can be our downfall, and the very thing we are trying to avoid, we create. In my case I was trying to avoid feeling hurt (having a plan B or 2 on ice) but I was actually on a path to creating the very hurt I was trying to avoid. I hope you followed me on that as it reveals much.
We all like to be flattered, but it’s great to be aware of what energy that flattery carries, and what, why and how we let it in, and for what reason we allow ourselves to be tantalised.