What if instead of ignoring it or pretending it doesn’t happen, we could understand comparison and competition between women as an opportunity to notice something more about ourselves?
Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?
When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.
Is it possible that comparison enters through the doorway of lack of self worth or self loathing that we open whenever we brush off, ignore or hold at bay recognising and appreciating the absolute preciousness and amazingness of ourselves?
- When I see a friend, sister, colleague, daughter or my mum feeling amazing, stepping up and being beautiful, there is a lot of information exchanged in that split second about the choices they have made and the ones I have made too. I get to feel them and myself in that same moment. If I hold that woman above me, better than me, more ‘it’ than me – I feel deflated and crushed by my own ‘not enough-ness’, my mouth goes dry and my tummy feels punched. Hello comparison… where’s the chocolate?
- When I am present with myself and hold myself as equal to any other woman, including the one in front of me that is reflecting their beauty and amazingness, all the information of that single moment is still there, but instead of being crushed I get to feel where I have let myself go or held myself back, in the face of my mums, friends, sisters, colleagues or daughters’ choice to be more of themselves instead of opting for something less. I get to see and feel where they have made choices that I didn’t. But the difference is, I do not feel less for it, I feel soundly aware of the choices I’ve or haven’t made and the ones I can still make instead. Hello inspiration!
How different would our relationships be as women if we were able to, instead of using the information we are constantly feeling in every exchange as a measuring rod to beat ourselves (or another) with, we acknowledged the unfolding beauty of another woman without feeling an iota less in ourselves, in fact, feeling more aware and appreciative of ourselves instead?
As women we have a powerful opportunity to nip comparison and competition in the bud wherever it plays out in our daily lives and our relationships with each other – friends, family, colleagues, celebrities, strangers – even pictures in a magazine or characters in a movie.
What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?
When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.
Inspired by the Esoteric Women’s Health presentations of Jenny Ellis, Rebecca Poole and Mary Louise Myers.
By Adrienne Hutchins, BEd, Brisbane, Australia
Women in Livingness Blog 
More and more I realise the concoctions we use to make our lives miserable. Lack of self-worth is one of those things, how does it come into our lives? At what stage do we decide that we’re not good enough and start to feel less, compare & seek recognition and attention from the outside?
I find myself back here as it is such an enormous topic in our day to day lives. If we can support each other and be honest about what is on offer the moment we feel any comparison – or that we do indeed feel comparison, then we cut the poison for both the person feeling jealous and the person on the receiving end of that jealousy.
Yes, i’ve been looking at comparison recently and found myself very sneakily praising other people in my head, but those words were rooted in jealousy towards the person rather than appreciation. For example, i would think things like “my God, that person is so amazing at ….” but saying that from a place of lack, a place I feel less – in comparison. That then leaves gaps for me to get jealous because I see them as so much better than me.. it’s a vicious game & one very much worth being aware of.
“Hello inspiration!” Feeling the pull of inspiration offers us the choice to live the amazingness that we are and be a part of the inspiration.
When I make the focus of my relationships about love and connection, jealousy and comparison cannot enter… I may be aware of it but I hold myself in the love that I am.
To hold myself in the steadiness of the love I am is a loving gift I give not only to myself but to every woman when jealousy comes my way. It is inevitable jealousy and comparison occurs when we choose evolution… it is learning to be love no matter what.
Being inspired by each other rather than comparing must feel nicer to be on the receiving end of as well. I have watched from afar when someone is jealous and I see it affect the person who is feeling less but I also see the person they are looking at feeling uncomfortable and not sure why because it is not relatable to the situation they are in. How many people are dealing with that and how aware do we need to be of the implications of our own behaviour?
I realise I still go into comparison, when I do it feels so yucky I can feel it is actually poison to the body.
And what is the remedy to this- it is to love more and to realise that comparison first happens when we are not feeling enough love for ourselves.
It’s super simple really love love love ourselves and then we can not see love back.
Recognising that it is a choice to release ourselves from the prison of comparison by claiming ourselves as the beautiful women we are and being inspired by the shining of others allows for the blossoming of sisterhood as we all move in ways that build a foundation of love and appreciation of how far we have come.
Yes, appreciation and inspiration between us feels so gorgeous, how lovely that would be to be the norm, ‘When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.’
Being inspired by the reflection of others is always a choice.
If we feel comparison or competition creep into our live, it is aways great to see where we can bring in appreciation.
Comparison is a killer, if we knew how detrimental and harmful it was to our physical and mental health I am sure we would think twice before we let energy in that allow us think we are separate.
Comparison or Inspiration? One is crushing and debilitating and the other is energising and expanding. I know which one I want to choose.
I would suggest that inspiration is still something outside of ourselves and that appreciating the choices we have made and being at ease with where we are at is far more empowering and enriching of ourselves. If we put a marker for ourselves of where we should be we will constantly feel like we have let ourselves down. However, knowing that as we change our choices so too will the movements that come from our body and the thoughts that come into our head, that offers a deeper relationship with ourselves and one that I feel is let outside and more inside.
When we are honest about what’s going on between women our relationships becomes more transparent and joyful. Exposing the comparison and competition with each other is the first step to make every relationship that we have (including our own) about love.
It is not until we are willing to be honest with ourselves that we can start to build more loving relationships with others.
Yes, because with the honesty comes an opportunity to do something about it. If we are constantly blaming another for how we feel we never feel empowered to change it.
Recently I found myself in competition with a friend when she reflected me back an old pattern that I was playing. I felt defensive and went in to the justification to not simply recognize that I was feeling less than her. It was very beautiful and freeing opening mysel up to recognize what was going on between us in a very humble way. This competition was stopping me to see and appreciate her loveliness and mine. I appreciate her steadiness in not accepting less from me and that even though was quite confronting at some point I didn’t feel a ounce judgment from her but a huge appreciation for the woman I really am.
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” Comparison now feels horrible in my body but I am becoming more aware of its sneakiness in subtle ways. Appreciating the person for the choices they have made allows me to see where i could make different choices too.
Sue I can relate about how horrible comparison feels. I appreciate the space in some of my relationships to nominate every time this poisoning feeling plays out. I am realizing that once is expressed it I can see how silly and nosense it is this individual way of being with others.
I recently had a situation where I could see the choices that someone was making and the choices that I hadn’t and could see what had come to them as a result of that. I chose not to go into comparison and instead chose to feel the truth of what was happening. It was very beautiful to feel it all and be inspired not go in on myself.
A powerful turnaround from competition, comparison and jealousy to being inspired to look at our choices and take responsibility for ourselves, the way we feel and move through life.
I so very agree, it is time to turn the wheel and see life from the perspective of the beauty that is there instead of feeling not enough. And isn’t that the beauty of the reflection we give to each other, to inspire one another of the beauty that lives in all of us, and each of us has her own expression thus the power of inspiration is manifold and never ceases.
Why is it that I have felt hurt when another chooses jealousy and comparison? Why have I chosen to neglect and dishonour myself because of another’s issues which in truth they do not have but have chosen to create? Interesting?! But today I have too much love in my body to hold onto that which is not true. For me now it is about learning to love and accept myself and the situation immediately when I am up against jealousy and comparison coming my way and if there is some self-doubt or ill-thoughts that may have entered to clock them and let them go for they do not belong to me as they are not who I am. It is so beautiful and incredibly powerful to claim the knowingness of that which is true and that which is not.
‘I have too much love in my body to hold onto that which is not true.’ What you shared is really cool Caroline. Sometimes I have found judging myself for feeling jealous and thinking ‘this shouldn’t be happening’, but simply because I tried to be perfect. Now I am learning to not judge myself first and foremost, to embrace my imperfections which are like an open book from I can learn very much and to express more honestly how I’m feeling, whatever it is.
And it is not my responsibility when another woman chooses resistance and dismissiveness but when they do it is a very beautiful exchange where nothing but equality is present. Inspiration and appreciation are always there for the taking… it is simply a matter of choosing them.
It is empowering in every way possible when we are open to the truth, as we then are aware of what is not true, how it feels in our body, and our choice to continue in a ill-momentum or change it. Comparison is 100% dis-empowering as is designed, in order for us to not be inspired by and appreciate the divine reflection of who we are when we, every woman, lives in connection to her essence within.
I love this article, and I’m with you one billion per cent Adrienne. Each woman reflects yet another angle of exquisiteness and grace, and when we let ourselves see this, we are nourished by it. To celebrate another woman means we celebrate ourselves, because the divine beauty we all come from and hold within us, is one.
What is presented here is so supportive where in those moments we compare, rather than beating ourselves up, we can see it as ‘an opportunity to notice something more about ourselves?’, an invitation to go deeper, to understand that in that moment we’re being asked to connect back to ourselves, and to appreciate the steps we’re taken while seeing another take theirs and to understand the inspiration we can get in that moment from another shows us another aspect of the all we’re all a part of.
Revisiting this article as this is something I am very aware of thanks to the love of a practitioner. What has amazed me is the amount of comparison I go into it is automatic to compare rather than be inspired. Putting myself on deepening my self love and care programme. Time to value my loveliness and gorgeousness so that I can love and appreciate others.
Wonderful, because ultimately the relationship is between us and our origin. If we deepen who we are, through the relationship of where we are from and what we are made of, the rest will naturally follow.
About blooming time I paid attention to this inspiration and stopped eating my chocolate! Thank Adrienne for addressing this much needed subject.
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” This sentence is enough on it’s own to make all women sit up and pay attention, I know it definitely had this effect on me, could the simple truth be that if you have started to compare yourself negatively with another person, then you have stopped appreciating the magnificence that you already are?
To be able to do this we need to live in an appreciation of ourselves and move with life in a way that invites the reflections others offer.
It is so refreshing when we can be inspired by the reflection of other women, no comparison, no jealousy or competition, just a knowing that another had made choices to express in a way that we can also choose in any moment as well.
Your suggestion is very valid: nominating those instances of comparison and possibly even jealousy and then clocking them as an opportunity to ask ourselves where and when we have let ourselves down. No poor me story here but inspiration and the empowerment to make different choices.
I love your point that comparison perhaps highlights something we’re not doing, so we can either use that moment to compare ourselves or to get inspired and get initiating with what we know we need to be doing.
I feel quite amazed at how much comparison has been featured in my life because it can be so subtle and a lot of times as those thoughts can go unchecked, it can actually seem normal to think comparative thoughts. What is so great however, is to have experiences where those thoughts do not even come in and there is instead an equal and appreciative exchange between myself and another woman. It is in these moments when the ground work is being done for a whole life without comparison as I get used to how it feels to communicate in this way, enjoy it and see the benefits of it, such as closer relationships with women, and so choose to put the work in to have less comparative and instead more loving thoughts.
I like your suggestion that when we feel comparison, we come back to ourselves and appreciate what we have. What we compare or get jealous about can also give us clues as to what we most want in life, such as contentment, inner confidence etc.
The information of how we are, and how another is – that’s always there and if we say the opportunity in that, and came from an understanding that we are enough no matter what, we are then open to inspiration rather than being crushed … very true. So then it becomes about truly appreciating who we are and in that we appreciate all others we meet.
I agree there is so much to be inspired by within one another, together we make the whole, we bring something powerful together, we can not do it alone.
Great blog Adrienne, when we find ourselves in comparison and jealousy of another we know we have left the beauty of our connection with who we are. So much to appreciate and be.
It is a joy to see another in the fullness of themselves. It is very inspiring and unifying. It calls us to be the most expanded versions of ourselves.
What if instead of reacting to the reflections presented to us by other women and trying to pull them down or cement our lack of self worth via comparison, we saw the slingshot of how we can be pulled UP by these reflections, recognise our lack of self worth and see what quality it is we are truly comparing to/have an issue with.
When we see another women reflect her true beauty and deep wisdom we have a choice in that moment to go into comparison or beat ourselves up, or we can acknowledge the amazing reflection offered to us and be inspired by this woman’s choices and the fact that these qualities are equally within us to access and live as well.
“Hello inspiration!” Inspiration lifts us up and makes us feel lighter whereas comparison takes us down and makes us feel denser.
I love all these ‘what ifs’, because what on earth do we have to lose if we approached life this way? Why wouldn’t we want to live inspired by the women around us rather than threatened? Sounds good to me!
It can be very interesting what can come through another woman but sometimes even if it is jealousy or comparison and I do not read it exactly for what it is and react in some way I know it is showing me something about myself which in that moment I have not mastered.
That is inspiring and key, if we truly read what is going on around us or coming at us without reaction there can be a greater awareness and understanding that comes with it.
Accepting that we are all Sons of God, all equal and that we are all already amazing means comparison cannot exist but it is when we deny who we are that we draw in complication, separation, competition and jealousy. By being honest and open to recognising what we have chosen is a start to arresting the awful energy of comparison and competition.
“When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.” This is a great way to remind ourselves about our own disregard in that moment.
What I got from this today is, how simple it is when we go into comparing ourselves to another, to ask ourselves what are we learning about our relationship with ourselves from the woman or man standing before us.
‘Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?’ Recognising when we go into comparison means that we have the opportunity to clock it and use it as a prompt to appreciate ourselves and how far we have come rather than beating ourselves up for past choices.
It feels like it is a world apart from “Hello comparison… where’s the chocolate?” to “Hello Inspiration” but is this true. Actually this behaviour is known by many but have we ever questioned ourselves why do we choose to live in comparison and competition as in the same line we have the possibility to be inspiring and appreciative to one another. It is just a matter of choice to me as the choice to live in comparison and competition has its roots in the lack of self worth we have allowed to come into our lives in the first place.
Not once has comparison every really served us and yet inspiration is a completely different kettle of fish. Inspiration offers us a leg up and role model to live more of who we truly are and confirms that in essence we are the same loveliness.
Comparison is a killer, as it stops us from being inspired by another’s choices.
Instead of bashing ourselves with negative thoughts if we choose to compare ourselves with others we also can choose to lovingly read what we innately are too but in a way have avoided to live up to this moment.
Brilliant Adrienne, I love what you’ve shared here and the part about the chocolate made me laugh. When we see ourselves as equals to everyone we meet, competition and comparison has no way to seep into our thoughts/body. The key is to celebrate ourselves for who we are and we will naturally feel to celebrate others. But when we are so use to berating and judging ourselves, what are we likely to do with others? Thank you for reminding us to keep celebrating and appreciating ourselves.
Yes, and I can also see that we would feel so much less alone! We can support each other, work together, glow together which is inspiring.
Sure Lucy, life could be so different if we understand that we innately are all one and the same but only from the choices we have made in life one could have developed her or himself to a higher level of awareness then you might have. Looking at comparison between one another from this point of view gives such another understanding about life and the individual choices of people that the judgement we may have had in the past will be exchanged with deep respect for one another.
‘When I am present with myself and hold myself as equal to any other woman, …. including the one in front of me’. Its so interesting and so simple. We don’t need to be gawping at someone else, we can simply learn a bit of self love, self appreciation and suddenly there is something to inspire us that is with us all day every day!
Every movement I clock the feeling less in a relationship it is worth celebrating for in that moment I honour me, come back to self and am giving myself an opportunity to change my movements so that I am embracing and seeing equally the beauty within myself.
I love the fact that we’re not stuck in anything for ages, e.g. comparison, holding back, or any other pattern, unless we choose not to move forward. Every moment is an opportunity to move differently, to breath differently, to choose to stay more present and connected to what we’re actually feeling. It’s this simple choice, made over and over again, that cuts comparison and allows space for noticing at first, and then appreciating and becoming familiar with, our own unique qualities.
Comparison enters through the door of ‘lack of self-worth’ and not only that, it leaves it wide open for the force of jealousy to enter – a force that seeks to annihilate the true expression of each party. Appreciation is the antidote to this, of self and of all others.
Shure Liane, appreciation is the antidote to this ill behaviour and frees the way to express openly once again that light that so vibrantly lives in all of us.
I love the holding quality shared here Adrienne and shows that when we confirm and value our own inner connection we then hold and confirm that for everyone else and that is a great gift and also crushes comparison and champions the true intimacy needed to openly connect and learn from each other at that is pure gold.
Thankyou Adrienne this is beautiful. You bring a quality to your writing that is very special, it feels like you are making a call out to all women everywhere to put down our defences and simply be with eachother, to let eachother in to see the magic and the glory that lives inside each of our hearts.
Comparison between women? Expect it. But choose to see the inspiration and there is always inspiration. Express this inspiration and not hold back the honesty with women. This is true support we can offer to each other.
I wonder sometimes what to do when you can feel this comparison come from another woman, because it feels horrible to be on the receiving end of. I have found that I too have done it, and likely still do it, when I make choices that mean I head into that lack of self worth space. So perhaps, by recognising it and talking about it with other women, even writing about it, we can start to build more understanding about the poison it puts out into the air. Building awareness can turn comparison to inspiration
This is such a big topic- like the subtle elephant in the room at times where people may not be fully aware its there but it changes the way we move and relate with each other- it is an unsaid dynamic that plays out but we have become so used too that we just allow it to be there collecting dust not questioning its presence.
We can always feel it when comparison is present, it is very hard to ignore but often we manage to push it aside and pretend we haven’t experienced it. This is a common theme in our society but we can choose to address what we have not been willing to expose and heal. I can feel comparison is all around us but it only exists because we feed it and allow it to be present. It is blogs like this that inspires me to ask questions, to be more aware and to take responsibility for everything that comes up, and to be open to learning.
It is so easy to compare ourselves to another but the pain that this brings is so not worth it. When we make ourselves less than another we diminish the light that we are. To know that we are not individual helps to understand that because we are all one then we can see that we are all part of the whole also, and therefore all beautiful.
I love coming back to your blog Adrienne you show that it can be that simple, by bringing in the words inspiration and appreciation the words comparison and competition fall away.
Sadly we have created a world where it has become normal to look outside to a picture that is deemed to be ideal and as a result compare ourselves and others based on how far or close we are to that image. Subsequently we have ended up with countless people disconnected to themselves seeking something that need not be sought and suffering concocted inadequacies that would not be felt if they only embraced and appreciated their own individual beauty that needs no comparison, just a surrender.
‘What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?’ Lets take care and love our bruised self, we are the ones who stand in our own way, no one else, time to take responsibility and en-joy each other as women.
This is something that needs to be taught in schools- real life understandings that play out between people and how we can understand relationships and learn to work together and support one another- that would be amazing.
In our essence we are all beautiful, Divine, gorgeous, precious, cherished beings. When we connect to our essence we see all others in this light first before we see the outer shell. Then there is never the comparison or competition that comes from identifying ourselves as an individual.
Thank you Adrienne, I appreciated this line to acknowledge “the unfolding beauty of another woman without feeling an iota less in ourselves,” Your words remind me of the beauty of women, the inner beauty, and how when we see another woman it doesn’t need to be about comparison but we can instead view the sheer beauty unfolding.
Beautifully said Melinda, it makes me realise just how much I am comparing without even thinking. I am feeling a greater awareness around this behaviour pattern now.
What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?’ I love the word ‘remember’ in relation to comparison. It’s true, it is a case of remembering as we all feel the beauty in ourselves, we just have to choose this.
The grace to know we are equal to another is something we need to foster, encourage and support in ourselves and others on a daily basis. It is not to be learnt and filed away, but to be lived, day in day out, never wavering from the truth that we are all equal. As it is this simple lived technique that renders naught any comparison.
As a colleague walked past me today, she looked and felt gorgeous so I shared it with her. She took the comment graciously and I could see she felt that in herself too. Reading this blog tonight it makes me appreciate just how normal that is for me now, whereas in the past I would not have been able to get the words out as I felt so little for myself.
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” This is a beautiful question to ask and I will remember this.
‘Is it possible that comparison enters through the doorway of lack of self worth or self loathing that we open whenever we brush off, ignore or hold at bay recognising and appreciating the absolute preciousness and amazingness of ourselves?’ I can say, absolutely for me right now Adrienne. We have an apparent issue that seems to get in the way of seeing the truth at that moment of reaction with another, the truth that we have lack of self worth and are deflecting away from addressing that.
What a well written and expressed article, it is a beautiful way to look at flipping comparison and jealousy on its back. With other women I am pretty good at appreciating them and rarely go into comparison and jealousy but it is with men that most of my issue seem to sit. When I was a girl, I was always trying to be a boy, as in my mind, that was the stronger sex to choose to align to. Now, I know thats is not true but there still seems to be some lingering comparison towards my husband. The way he looks like he just got out of the shower when its the end of the day, not a hair out of place, the way he can keep a white T-shirt white, his strength, he is faster at cleaning the floors in the house because he is so big and strong. Its very subtle but I am still treating my relationship as a way to beat myself up.
Comparison is the complete antithesis of quality and care. When we throw an image in front of us and say, ‘I need/want to be that’, any previous attention we were paying to the quality of how we live and reading what quality others were choosing to live in falls away.
Very inspiring Adrienne. It is so true that in all our relationships, we have a powerful opportunity to embrace and explore the amazing qualities that we all hold within. If we are honest with ourselves, we are open to learning through which we share our wisdom and our inspiration to shine. There is far greater power that comes from appreciation and confirmation, than the harm that stems from comparison and competition crippling not only ourselves but our relationships too. As our power truly magnifies when we walk united and celebrate the beauty and sacredness we all naturally are within.
There is certainly a deeper level of appreciation women can hold with themselves and each other and I love what is shared here about the possibility of comparison coming in when we stop appreciating our own loveliness. I can see how this is true for me, and how I have turned to comparing when I am not feeling great about myself.
When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves. Absolutely Adrienne, as I know this for myself when I have gone into comparison, I can feel l have definitely left myself so then there is no way I can feel my own gorgeousness. It can be a great stop moment and reflection time.
Thank you Adrienne, your words remind me of the gift of discomfort. Imagine if all women just dressed down to suppress their inner beauty, and to hold back? What would our norm be? It actually much more supportive to be unsettled and disturbed out of that norm by women truly loving themselves and living accordingly. We can indeed have a very positive relationship with such discomfort knowing that a deeper and truer way of how to live is stirring inside us, and reminding us we too are that same love, and can choose to live from that place.
Spot on Adrienne, you have captured how we hold ourselves back so beautifully. When we understand and accept we are each here to reflect something different, comparison becomes ridiculous.
A truly inspiring sharing Adrienne! When we let go of the comparison and competition between us, and instead see us as equal sisters, who are still individually offering something that adds to the whole, then how can we compare ourselves with another?
Brilliant Adrienne, we can choose to help each other grow and bloom into the glorious fullness that we hold within, or we can cut each other down and limit others so as not to expose the emptiness or lack of worth we are capping ourselves with. and this is deeply separative – But if we first choose to appreciate and nurture out the loveliness and fullness we hold within, and live that, then we can naturally hold the same appreciation and support for all others as we will too feel and know our deep interconnection..
I love the playfulness of your blog Adrienne. ‘Hello comparison…where’s the chocolate,’ made me laugh. I can relate to that way of handling (or not handling) that feeling. And what a super way of turning these very common emotions on their heads. Instead of feeling bad, or pretending they are not there, using them as a tool to remember our own worth and loveliness.
I love watching others and appreciating the choices they have made to look so naturally lovely and how they take a busy pressurised job in their stride and make it all look so simple. I have been able to do this from appreciating my own choices and making a deeper connection to myself. When we don’t appreciate ourselves, and the loving choices we make, we are unable to appreciate the choices of others.
I have not fully felt the extent of how we as women fall into the jealously and comparison trap. I am beginning to clock more in myself and others but in truth I feel it is a small part of what dwells beneath the surface. The first point in healing something is acknowledging it is even an issue. Its great that this article is bringing more awareness to this subject.
The realisation that we are caught in the entanglement of comparison with another can be the greatest gift, if we truly decide to go there, as you’ve essentially shared here Adrienne… To go there and go deeper in regards to just where we ourselves are feeling less, and have aspects of ourselves where we do not live and hold ourselves in the highest regard and deepest appreciation for all that we bring.
It can indeed be confronting to meet a woman who radiates her own beauty, her loveliness, lives purposefully and deeply embracing of all… I’ve learnt a lot and continue to learn so much when comparison tendencies are triggered within myself around other women… And I’ve indeed felt it’s harsh sting come towards me many a time. It all comes down to the honesty with which we are willing to look at ourselves, and also, our openness to understanding that comparison and also jealousy will naturally rear their heads when we realise we’ve been living a lesser version of ourselves than the richness of who we truly are – good looks in the mirror can be the best medicine, when we hold ourselves and others in the deepest of understanding…
You’ve brought the whole ‘game’ back to a platform of personal responsibility Adrienne, thank-you.
It can be so very easy to externalise our feelings of a lack of worth, blame another/others for it – and maintain an outward focus for what is essentially, a battle going on within us.
As per the definition of Jealious: is to envy what someone else has.
However that is an illusion in itself as no body has access nor has anything else that somebody can’t choose for themselves equally.
Jealously, in my experience is more than what a person has materially but the quailty of life in which they live and we have chosen not to.
I like this, and it is so true that when an issue like comparison comes up, it is really easy to think that this issue is real, that it deserves attention, and that it is valid or justified in its creation. When in fact this can be an opportunity to actually go deeper and appreciate the other person and ourselves. This really turns comparison on its head, and takes out the poisonous sting it places between us as women.
Appreciating the inspiration offered by another is definitely the way to go.
I’m all for kicking out comparison – I’ve tried it and all I get from it is self indulgent all about me thoughts that have no place except to make me small. So how about trying appreciation – well that expands me, lifts me up, lifts others up. There can be no self. I think I’ll go for that option.
Comparison is a good sign your looking outside for some form of recognition. The ultimate form of responsibility is to be interdependent and claim what it is your feeling and how to move next. We are delicate by form and love by formlessness needing nothing outside to confirm what is already there within. Why make it difficult or complex then to delicately observe what choice is there to make.
Being free of comparison and choosing to be inspired by another is to realise that this is an inspiration to others to be free of comparison.
Absolutley Gorgeous and very well said – couldn’t have been said better! Thank you Adrienne for living the beautiful truth you speak it comes through in your expression round and full like a rose in full bloom.
Yes comparison is a separation to the Beauty we are all from.
It’s amazing to know we are all equal – it’s incredible how much effort we put into not being equal!
An important and constant reminder on how important appreciation is of ourselves, which naturally leads to appreciation of others. When we don’t then we are at the mercy of comparison and then shortly thereafter jealousy, which is all consuming. I can be challenging to see another women stepping it up, when we are not choosing this for ourselves. But this is where honesty is really important.
It is a big step to even admit to the fact that comparison is running our lives and to what extend… but to know that all it needs is to return to our own loveliness and connect with our own beauty is gold as it shows how unnecessary it is to beat ourselves up for anything.
The power of appreciation is far greater than I ever imagined. What is unfolding for me is that I am much more than being ‘just enough’ that I am an amazing and precious human being and the more I appreciate the more I notice the days where I fee out of sorts and I know something is up which needs looking at. Through appreciating myself I can see the same so many more qualities to appreciate in others and gradually the evil of comparison is becoming less.
What if we took every reflection as a moment to stop and appreciate either what we have done or what we have not done but could do? This would totally transform the way we as women interact and a whole new level of support and togetherness would unfold. This is a superb blog and one that is worth reminding ourselves of as women regularly.
Thank you Adrienne.. I love how simply you’ve put comparison – what if it was as simple as being merely a symptom of having forgotten ourselves and our own loveliness? The more I appreciate all that I am and all that I bring, the less crushed I feel by my own ‘not enoughness’. I used to sometimes blame others for making me feel less, but by increasing my awareness I’ve seen how it starts with me not appreciating me: it’s like I’m there with a battering ram, waiting for the slightest excuse or ‘proof’ from someone else that I’m really not enough, to bash myself with.
What is changing all of this is appreciation. It’s is a powerful tool that builds within us a solid foundation of self-acceptance and self love. When we feel enough within ourselves, we’re not looking for things to confirm our ‘not enoughness’ and there’s no room for comparison to enter – just the inspiration of being around others who’ve made different choices, and the understanding and awareness that we can choose differently, at any time, too.
Such a powerful and very beautiful reminder to appreciate us all equally in every moment. To catch that split second and recognise when thoughts come in appreciation has left. The thoughts are simply the reminder to return to the loveliness and preciousness I am and equally appreciate this in another. Its a bit like appreciating every bud and flower on a rose bush. We just know that they are all equal, but we don’t necessarily catch all the full blooms when we look, however this doesn’t make the buds any less than the different stages of the blooms.
It definitely feels like comparison and competition are signals that we are not taking responsibility to love and appreciate ourselves, and simply allow ourselves to shine in the fullness we truly are. We hold ourselves back, belittle and criticise ourselves, and then have a reaction to others who do not. Definitely up to us to take responsibility for ourselves and allow ourselves to truly bloom – after all, no one can do this for us!
Adrienne, I love how you’re turned comparison on it’s head, how rather than be cowed by it and beat ourselves up by being in it, we can stop and reflect and use that comparison as a reminder to come back to our loveliness and once we do that, it’s a reminder to us to feel and observe what another woman is showing us from inspiration and not comparison. So once we’ve connected back to us, it opens up our relationships with both ourselves and other women and with this understanding I can feel and see that comparison is not to be feared, it’s how we handle it and if as you say we take it as a starting point to come back to our own loveliness and be inspired then we can embrace all it and others show us and learn with and from each other. It’s a huge opportunity for evolution and a deepening of our connection to our own loveliness and from there a sharing of that out in the world.
Beautiful Adrienne – goodbye comparison, hello inspiration!!
I love the way you describe how we can set ourselves up to either respond (with inspiration) or react (with comparison) by being aware of the way we feel and appreciating who we are.
I have been deeply inspired by other women constantly throughout my life, they have encouraged me simply by them living and expressing all the precious delicate beauty strength and power they are through there choice to be it so.
It is so true that when we see another woman feeling gorgeous, the only thing that makes us compare ourselves to her is the thoughts in our head. Actual comparison does not exist as a real and definite thing. It is actually a fabrication of our minds in the belief that we can somehow be less than another – which is utter nonsense because we are all beautiful.
A beautiful reminder Adrianne of the evil of comparison, the damage that it does and how rampant it is amongst women. The antidocte being appreciation of self and others.
Oh my god I Love it Adrianne Exactly!
We are all equal, so if You feel something greater in another it just means yourve been Accepting yourself as less valuable and less than what you are. There is so much to appreciate and be inspired about a woman who claims all the Gloriousness she is *
I love that you bring in the fact that it is the missing of our loveliness that causes the disease of comparison and so the cure is reconnecting to that loveliness! Great medicine!
Just yesterday I had a group of girls working on building a bridge together with lego they were unable to do this as they fought the entire time, you see this all the time with girls an inability to work as a team together which is no surprise as they are being shown by their adult females is what you share here the comparison and jealousy that abounds female interactions.
This is such an important blog. I’ve read it a year or more ago and coming back to it now because I see how much comparison and jealousy crushes women and our potential for deeply intimate relationships with one another. The antidote to comparison and the jealousy that follows feels to be about self appreciation and living with an ongoing confirmation of the beauty and preciousness we already are. If we are not living and moving with self appreciation and confirmation in all that we are and do then we will naturally look outside of ourselves to seek it, which leads to the comparison.
So true Danielle, I have been enjoying developing more intimacy with the women in my life and the difference in the quality of connection and honesty amongst us is lovely to feel.
“When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.” Such an inspiring blog Adrienne. Comparison and competition is a poison that separate from ourselves and others. There is a huge difference between comparison and inspiration in how the body feels in each one. When I used to get in to competition with other women I felt contracted, tense and calibrating everything that I should express to fit in or to please. When I feel inspired with other women my body feels great, beautiful, open to feel myself first to express everything, then I appreciate all the beauty that I see in every woman as a reflection of mine.
Women living with true self-worth don’t know comparison. We compare to hide and protect to not face that we have lost the connection to our own loveliness. How can you compare yourself with someone else when you know our true universality and equalness? To feel our own loveliness is living our divinity 24/7.
This is great Adrienne ‘Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?’ This first question stopped me in my tracks. Yes, yes of course! This is a great way to tackle comparison. This question brings it back to how we have been with our self making even the slightest inkling of comparison a great reminder of the lack of appreciation of who we truly are.
When we compare ourselves with another it creats a tension in the relationship or in the relating with that person. It is actually worse than a simple tension between two people but it is actually a direct energetic attack which is felt by the other like being asked to not be yourself or even being attacked for being yourself. It’s more harmful than we have been willing to admit.
Adrienne, I love how you’ve turned comparison on it’s head and how it can actually be a moment of consideration for us, to catch that we’re not appreciating who we are, and so as you offer, when we feel this with another, we have an opportunity to understand and see that another has made choices and that we too have choices we can make and may not have done so, but we can and another stepping forward and up allows us to be inspired to consider what are our next steps.
I love this line because I can so relate to it: “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” We are all lovely and there is in truth no better or worse. Everyone has their own expresion to the world and everyone has made different choices that is all we can see. Going in comparison is the ultimate self-bashing I find, although I am not 100% free of it and at times it seems hard to not go into it – this line definitely will support me next time because it is so true, we have to feel our own loveliness equal to anyone else’s loveliness.
I agree – when I know myself, the world, anything, anyone outside me doesn’t touch me. When I am not connected, everything outside stimulates me into insecurity and anxiety of not being enough.
What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness? l love this reminder Mary-Louise.
This way of living is precious to me Adrienne, to understand that we are all on our way to bloom that beautiful flower we all hold within but are not yet blooming in full. Knowing that we all have that potential and in fact in that are all equally and the same, takes away the basis for comparison and competition as there is not any in truth.
The key you mention here to not going into comparison and poor self worth is to hold ourselves as equals in the moment there is a reflection to us of someone in their power and beauty. This is great to explore as a truth inside us – beyond the surface layer we are all equal and then it is a matter of staying with ourselves as we can feel the truth of equality, rather than a thought, hope, mantra or affirmation.
I’ve started to realise how much we as women go into comparison and jealousy with each other, and also how awful it actually feels! What I’m learning is that when I am inspired by another woman instead of wishing I had what she had (whether it be a relationship, wisdom, beauty etc), there is so much more room for expansion – for us both!
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?”
Whenever I look out towards another either for something or in reaction to something it is a sure thing that I have lost connection with myself. Everything that I already am is in truth in absolute equalness to that of another.
Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness? Absolutely Adrienne, as in that moment of comparison or jealousy, the very thing that we all are, is nowhere to be felt, which is a huge shame as every woman’s equal sacredness is absolutely exquisite and all encompassing. You feel every woman on the planet when you are connected to your own divine stillness.
This is the great scourge for women and it is so important that we are aware of how this plays out in every minute with every woman. It is not just a pressure from society. We put this pressure on ourselves when we go into any form of comparison. To hold ourselves as equal to every woman is such a precious thing to do and such a important thing to do to begin to change this massive consciousness.
Dear Adrienne,
An awesome sharing. This says it all “I get to see and feel where they have made choices that I didn’t. But the difference is, I do not feel less for it, I feel soundly aware of the choices I’ve or haven’t made and the ones I can still make instead. Hello inspiration!” This is very powerful and revealing. How simple it is to nip comparison in the bud when we begin to make our lives about knowing we are divine and the beautiful reflections we receive from other women are there to remind us of such, and to offer us the choices that we can make to live it even more in our daily lives.
What you share here Adrienne is gold. Comparison is life’s kill joy and it can wreak havoc if we allow it too. Being in full appreciation of who we are, is the perfect reflection for every woman as it is an expression of all women and their true beauty equally.
“…Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?..” This is a great statement to recall to oneself, when you catch any moment of comparison. Another woman’s quality and beauty is simply a reflection of our own potential, so rather than comparing, to be inspired is far more enriching and harmonious.
Comparison is utter creation. It is an illusion. We are never less than another just because of our choices. We use the energy of the poor choices made to actually bring ourselves down when in actual fact there is never any ‘down’ or less there in the first place. It is a silly game we play.
It is clear Adrienne that what you have brought through in this blog is powerful and a key way that women can work with and for each other. The consciousness of keeping each other down, even if only in one’s mind, perpetuates feeling less about oneself and the whole vicious circle of comparison and jealousy. Instead appreciation and inspiration dissolve this consciousness and brings a great feeling to our day.
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness? ” this is so simply a true statement Adrienne. Inspiration and appreciation of what each person brings are our tools for evolution.
‘Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?’ I’d say definitely yes! Whenever I am comparing myself to other women, it’s almost always incredibly self-critical, and in that moment I have definitely forgotten how lovely, sweet and beautiful I am.
“What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?” When we live in this way not only do our relationship with ourselves change and self worth grows but so too does this happen with other women individually and in groups 🙂 Very inspiring, thank you Adrienne.
It feels like we need a radical change in the way we conduct both ourselves and our relationships, there is so much unnecessary nastiness and criticism when we are all simply learning, plus I find it always helps to bring the responsibility back to me and my part in it, and instead of cutting down another woman, work on building my relationship with myself, so such behaviours are no longer part of my life.
To be inspired and appreciate other women instead of comparing and feeling jealous is such a beautiful way for women to be with each other. Thank you Adrienne.
Love what You share here 🙂 a life of appreciation and inspiration with all women oh yes how the world turns around with that.
We absolutely are equal in our loveliness no matter what age, stage, body shape or physical appearance we may currently be or have. Our essence is lovely and this is what is true, the surface appearance/presentation can just be a distraction from the truth.
And we all have our own part to play, no one is more important than another. So when we forget ourselves we all feel the effect this has on the whole
Your sharing with us Adrienne stayed with me for several days and keeps popping up and in one sentence “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness” If I drop in my self nurturing, self loving ways little doubts like to creep in and then my eyes see with a different focus and my body feels the results of this. It is amazing blogs like this that inspire me to keep feeling and being very honest of exactly what I allow into my life.
I agree that comparison and competition between women is rife and can start quite young in life. One thing I have noticed as I have aged is that the common myth of beauty is that one has to be young in years. The media and advertising are mostly geared towards anti-ageing. But I find that there is beauty and inspiration coming from women of all ages and feel this is an area which all women challenge whenever they are living in full appreciation of their inner and outer beauty. Age simply doesn’t enter into the equation and there is no room for comparison and competition to rear their ugly heads.
How cool is that I did not go into comparison and say to myself ‘ I wish I’d written that blog’ I’m saying ‘Hello Inspiration’ and a huge thank you Adrienne this is pure gold. A forever read that just shares so beautifully that “We have the powerful opportunity to nip comparison and competition in the bud whenever it plays out in our daily lives”.
‘What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?’ The power of women together in equalness is amazing to feel, it is without words, fluid and a joy to be in each others company. Women have a strength within themselves being precious and graceful and if we see and share this miracles happen.
This is an honest and long overdue conversation about relationships between women and the destructive energy of comparison and jealousy. What a revelation to learn it can be changed, simply by loving ourselves more. That when a woman steps out in all her grace, beauty and confirmed in herself, it offers us a choice to appreciate, celebrate and be inspired by her or feel small and inadequate. The former brings feeling of expansion and love, the latter of resentment and jealousy. Exposing that comparison and jealously have nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with us, is a truth that needs to be shared again and again. We are the responsible ones and we have choice. Whenever we find ourselves comparing ourselves to another and feeling jealous, it shows there is more work to be done with ourselves. It is a great opportunity to dig deeper, be honest and feel what fuels these feelings. And this conversation and new consciousness is one to share more widely with all women in magazines and journals the world over.
What a golden statement here…”When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves”… Developing an intimate relationship with ourselves as woman, is the grandest gift of self love we can give ourselves. The healing within the woman is grand, and even grander, is how this sparks another woman to feel and reconnect to her grandness, her exquisiteness of who she truly is.
So lovely to revisit this powerful blog Adrienne. This time I could really feel the punch in the guts and sadness of what happens to the world when women go into comparison and jealously. Women appreciating and loving each other is a chance for the world to change – it is an incredibly powerful expression that inspires and blesses humanity with a reminder of the love in which we deeply crave to connect to each other in.
I have learnt a lot about jealousy and comparison since attending Esoteric Women’s Health presentations – mainly that I had no idea how much there was of it and how much it played into my relationships, particularly with other women! I could subtlety put other women down without even realising it… However having worked on the relationship with myself, the jealousy and comparison is a lot less and when it’s there in much more aware of it. I am more and more able to be inspired by women which feels a whole lot better than eating chocolate!
It’s funny how we live with so much jealousy and comparison today that we don’t really clock it as anything other than normal. I’m personally very thankful to Esoteric Women’s Health for helping me see that nothing about jealousy or comparison is normal, and we can actively work to not be part of it, and instead act on inspiration rather in comparison to other women, it feels like a much healthier way to live.
Comparison is a deadly game. Separating from ourselves only holds us back from the joy and inspiration we can share together as women. Thank you Adrienne for sharing this truly amazing blog.
This is a golden blog for all women and young women to read Adrienne, straight up naming the cause of comparison and the way to understand how to overcome this separative behaviour pattern. Love it!
This is such a beautiful article, thank you Adrienne. I’ve recently read another beautiful article that supports our appreciation of ourselves and all other women. These two articles compliment each other beautifully as we as women beautifully compliment each other with our loving support and wisdom.
http://bit.ly/1QsFdzK
This is a truly amazing, inspirational sharing. I will try to remember your words the next time I allow jealousy and/or comparison in. Self-loathing was always a very good friend of mine, until I discovered Universal Medicine, however we are not so close these days, thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon and the wonderful practitioners of the healing modalities. They have all supported me so much!
It is interesting to be aware of our first thought (which is often one of self doubt) when we see someone who is beautiful from their own essence and are we quickly suppressing that thought and replacing it with another “nicer” thought. If this is the case we have already buried that initial thought into our bodies which then feeds our self worth in a negative way. I am going to be more aware of this as I need to nominate those thoughts straightaway and feel where they have come from.
It is so important that you have exposed how we can use the poison of comparison to infiltrate and lessen our self-worth when we are not recognising and appreciating our amazingness and our own beauty and worth. For when in deep appreciation of who we are and the choices we have made to express and live this in full, another’s choices won’t be used to deflate us but rather inspire us towards our potential.
Thank you for calling out the insidious yet growingly intense and often unbridled judgement and comparison that prevails between women simply because of that ‘ill will that comes from a bruised self’. You’d think we’d attend to that bruising first, but seems we prefer to make ourselves feel lesser or better by comparison rather than taking the opportunity to honour our own worth and loveliness in absolute terms. Seems we’ve turned it into competition between women at the expense of our self as a woman. Learning to truly appreciate the beauty of and allowing ourselves to be openly inspired by other women – and I don’t mean fashion models or celebrities – will go a long way to redress this balance, build our own confidence and enhance our self worth. But it has to begin with self-acceptance and an appreciation of our own uniqueness, our own innate essence as a woman.
It is gold your blog, Adrienne, and the shared topic too. So true that we can change our and the world by appreciating ourselves and each other as women deeply, taking every step another women has made as an inspiration to get quit of a part of me that never has been me and just stood in the way of the real me. That is the chance of true inspiration, we can be for each other. How amazing is that. We can turn around the recent tide that is so crudely played out from the media and so much adopted and self-created from women. I just recently have made this experience of being jealous and then turning around the situation to learn from the other beautiful women. A true healing.
Comparison and competition are ingrained in us from such an early age, and these odious traits are fostered by many streams in our lives, and they bring nothing but stress and tension and misery.
Adrienne I love how you present “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” When we appreciate our own loveliness we are able to appreciate another’s.
And together we are able to bring so much more of our loveliness in the world of today. We really have to appreciate the power that women have when they are together in equallness.
“When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.”-
So true and important to remember, so as not to allow the door open for accepting ourselves as less, and heading for self loathing to set in, or anger and resentment,
Which separates us.
I often have noticed that as women we can deny our beauty to the enth degree, but we can never completely hide it because it is always there to be seen by those who are willing to see without comparison.
I have always been a little afraid of other women, holding myself back for fear of jealousy and comparison and carrying my own pattern of not feeling enough on the top shelf of the emotional pantry. I felt if I was to truly express myself I would make other women uncomfortable and I did find this to be true in a lot of situations.
As the love and value of the inner connection grows within myself and I feel a steady flow of support and trust from within my own being-ness the fear I use to feel is reducing.
I feel more now to speak from within and although I feel that often this may create some discomfort which I have had confirmed it also brings an opportunity for us all to evolve and for the relationship to deepen.
Lets face it we are often placed in some form of discomfort to inspire change, in fact lets see discomfort as a signal and a friend that something we are experiencing has the opportunity to evolve. What is the discomfort communicating to myself or another?
Feeling less fear around discomfort has allowed me to embrace more the truth of who I am, and fear not reflecting that to other women in my life.
aware of carrying my own pattern of not feeling enough on the top shelf of the emotional pantry.
Yes Nicole discomfort can be a potent tool and means to explore situations and attitudes. Rather than shy away from them and avoid them at all costs as was my preferred pattern I slowly come to realise that when not lived in reaction, the experience of discomfort helps me to evolve. I just need to trust myself, to know that I am enough. When I appreciate myself truly comparison just goes away.
This is such a beautiful, supportive offering to all women (and men). I love it. “When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.” – Amen to that.
Comparison between women is rife, we compare ourselves to everything and everyone. I have found for me it is what I then choose to do with that comparison. Do I allow it to go into jealousy, that feeling that comes in when you’ve done the comparing and then you make yourself less than or envious that you do not have what they have, no matter what it is. Or do I allow myself to say, ‘hey, that person has really spent time energy and effort in making choices to be that way, or have made choices in the way they live to feel that way!!’ Then be inspired by that and allow myself to make different choices for myself. I know which one feels more loving, that’s for sure.
Comparison – ‘the ill will that comes from a bruised self’. What a superb description of that moment when we judge either others or ourselves for being lesser when in fact all that is ever reflected is the reality of our own choices.
Cathy your comment reminded me of how much we can neglect cherishing ourselves, and hence the consequences. I saw a funny cartoon of a woman in comparison with another woman, and within her was herself curled up in a ball feeling neglected – haha! It’s certainly never worth neglecting something so precious.
I needed to read this again today, Adrienne. I am realising just how subtle comparison and competition can be as I am becoming much more aware of this in my daily life. It can be just a flickering thought, a quick look, a dumping feeling – all can be very subtle but nevertheless comparison is being clocked in my body. I look forward to exploring this some more so it is no more.
Yes comparison can be so very subtle and fleeting, but nonetheless hurtful to everyone. It is a light globe moment when we allow ourselves to catch ourselves out. We are the ones responsible for not keeping this an automatic response to laying our eyes on another divine women.
A total game changer Adrienne. Your expression on this issue is a total inspiration – no comparison or competition here – a simple total appreciation of you for providing the opportunity for many women to change their lives. This is inspiration in action. Thank you.
I loved re-reading this article Adrienne you have explained so well how we can so easily go into comparison within seconds when we see someone as more than or better than ourselves, In comparison we make a choice to see ourselves as less and then all the negative thoughts pour in that we are not good enough or berate ourselves rather than appreciating that someone has made choices that we have not. “What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?”
Thank you Adrienne. I love the feeling of looking at women as inspiration in their gorgeousness rather than seeing myself as less.This allows me to feel what is possible if I had made different choices and to also appreciate the beauty of what this women is offering me.
Comparison always kicks in when I am not connected to myself, it is then that I start to look outside and donot feel my delicate and beautiful essence anymore and there it is, comparison, and I can use this to beat myself up because of the conditions i put on myself to achieve as much as.., to look like as much as..etc.and it is never enough. When I am connected to my essence there is plenty, I feel complete and content and can be inspired be everyone and anything because at that moment I am able to embrace the world.
Totally true, the one second scan leads to a judgement and non stop to comparison. It is funny that in comparison, we do not really compare because comparing is always assessing at least two of what you want to compare on an equal basis. And, here there is no equal basis. The scan spots only where the other is ahead. It is biased by design. And, it is designed to keep the invisible race going forward till next round.
Comparison, competition and jealousy is an unnecessary war raged between women but is firstly a war raged within myself. The more I appreciate and allow myself to be inspired by my own innate qualities and essence the less affected I am by the onslaught from the outside world that feels is working against such a divine connection. I cannot blame other woman for this and point the finger at what is coming through them. We all equally come from the same divine spark , it is simply our choices that have got us into this mess that only we can get ourselves out of. What you share here Adrienne is very important and something I am dedicated to changing first within myself by recognising and being honest about those moments that take me away from appreciating and being inspired by what is presented to me in every moment of my day.
Beautiful Suzanne,
I love how you highlight the war begins first within myself.
This has been true of my experience and within this I cannot blame another women, but like you I am dedicated to changing first within myself and allowing the appreciation and love to replace the comparison and jealousy that tells me I am not enough.
I agree Suzanne, Adrienne has shared without any judgement about this very important topic and we are all invited to change this debilitating pattern which affect us all. Just like you I am dedicated to look honestly to my own behaviour to recognise when I forget myself and leave the appreciation and inspiration behind while looking at someone else.
What shall I say Adrienne that was the most beautiful and inspirational blog I read so far about comparison. You nailed it so beautifully and I would love to see your blog as an article in a women magazine so that every women in this world could read what you have shared so amazingly.
I am gobsmacked at the wisdom and beauty in this powerful piece and totally agree with esteraltmiks comment here, have just shared it fb for a start.
Marian and Esther I absolutely agree. Every piece of writing I read written by Adrienne speaks volumes to me, and this one is no different. I love the way Adrienne invites us in to experience her way of living and the way she sees the world – just beautiful!
I love this… and everything you have shared. When we do have those feelings of jealousy and comparison they are crippling and completely disrespect the other woman and ourselves. To be inspired takes a bit of re-learning as we have been positioned and often accepted that competition and needing to outdo each other is our way when this is actually the very thing that keeps us crippled.
I can recall moments where other women have commented on an outfit I was wearing, although the comments were similar the way they felt were completely different. When one woman spoke about how great I looked, it was full of comparison and I walked away wanting to hide and wipe something off me, it made me want to shrink. When another woman made a similar comment about how she liked what I was wearing, there was an innocence and appreciation to it and she wasn’t holding herself as less and in this moment there was nothing in me that wanted to hide or play small but I got to appreciate her too- there was the space for this.
Kristy you have bought up a great point about the opportunity to be “inspired” by another can lead to confirming without the notion that one is less than another.
I love how you have bought respect into this Kristy. I had not considered that in those moments I am feeling jealousy or going into comparison with another woman it is disrespectful to us both, yet now I can feel just how true this is. Deeply appreciating myself as a woman and naturally extending this to all other women is a work in progress and I can feel that with the appreciation comes a deep respect for all women too.
When we understand that we are essentially, innately the same; seeking to love and be experience what it truly means to be loved, then comparison, lack of self care and lack of self worth are seen for what they are – the choice to not remain connected to our essence, our equal love and ‘blooming power’.
I love the honesty in this article, Adrienne. And your statement that comparison is “a symptom of forgetting ourselves” is absolutely supportive. It dissolves the illusion like the rising sun the dark of the night.
I agree felix this statement is very supportive and true, when I stop to take myself serious I withdraw from who I truly am and do not live the power of love I feel in myself.
I agree – if we look at comparison, and even frustration or jealousy… or any emotion as a “a symptom of forgetting ourselves”, life suddenly becomes very simple – just remember who you are 🙂
This is a topic we need to discuss much more in society. Comparison is a pattern that we can go into quite young and it can be debilitating- it can cripple how a girl or woman feels about herself. We need to create a dialogue around what it is to be inspired by another and recognising what each person brings. The tall poppy syndrome doesn’t help with this as when a person claims something it has become our way to pull them down instead of supporting them to claim that and then being inspired by this and instead of pulling each other down we pull each other up.
Well said Kristy. Jealousy and comparison are debilitating and affect the behaviours we develop as we grow up to avoid attracting it. Comparison is given more power to affect and harm us through the lack of openness we have about it. Most of us have never had the opportunity to discuss or explore how this feels and we often suppress our awareness.
I agree Kristy, there does seem to be a tendency to build someone up but as a society and wait for them to fall – like you have said ‘instead of supporting them to claim that and then being inspired by this’. Growing up in a family of three other women, we never celebrated each other for being women or appreciated each other, and it is only now as I have got older and see the value of appreciation, not only of myself but of my mother and sisters, that I can see that we missed out on a lot – it does make me wonder how different life would have been, had we had appreciation for each other from an early age.
You have beautifully expressed so openly and honestly Adrienne about comparison in this blog without any feeling of harsh self criticism. It is about the choices we make, where others have said YES to stepping up and being all that they are and perhaps I opted for comfort. I have felt what it is like to compare myself to others, and I have felt when another has done this to me – I haven’t like either feeling because both have a limiting aspect to them. However, knowing it is about choices, gives me the inspiration to say YES next time the choice comes around to be made.
A great reminder Maree, when others step up we can feel what we haven’t been choosing or living, if we use their reflection as an opportunity to be inspired rather than compare ourselves, we are open to the evolution offered in this moment.
This is such a concise and graceful addressing of comparison, competition and inspiration Adrienne. When we feel that clenched belly the crushed chest with its inability to take a full inspiration (pardon the pun) at the sight of a woman living her gorgeousness, we can berate ourselves, we can indulge it, we can find her faults, we can reach for the chocolate…or we can stop ourselves at that moment, really stop, connect to our selves and from that perspective see the choices they have made and understand the choices we are yet to make.
I love the latter. So next time I feel the horrible grip of the former I will remember not just this great blog, but my own beauty and the beauty I am yet to choose. Hello inspiration.
Thank you Adrienne, this article has brought up a lot for me. Just feeling how there are certain people I hold myself “less” around and some as “greater”. It doesn’t feel true, it feels horrible and simply the complete emptiness of abandoning ourselves and our loveliness in that moment, a reflection of how we live! A moment to consider how we can confirm more of this and in turn hold our own loveliness and equal worth within our days.
This is a big theme, comparison and jealousy between women. I am learning to be honest when it occurs, from my part toward other women and from other women towards me. I used to be ashamed of myself when I would feel it come up, now I am more understanding of why it happens in the first place. The biggest shift I made was enjoying, appreciating and celebrating my personal expression, my tenderness, my playfulness, all unique to me. I understand now that this is what I am bringing to the world and other women have different equally beautiful qualities that are needed as much as mine. Coming back to being me is a blessing for myself and those around me.
Yes how lovely to acknowledge the unfolding beauty of a women in front of us. This is a true gift for both men and women alike. Why are we so cruel to our sisters. Instead they should be praised to have been able to rise above all the forces against them to be who they truly are. Lets ask them how they did it, and try it for ourselves.
Thank you for putting into words this big bogie for women Adrienne. Being able to nominate when we feel comparison with someone else when they are glowing is so empowering, and as you say we have a choice then to be inspired and to appreciate our own loveliness.
Super expressed, easy to grasp. Comparison & Jealousy = I have not taken care of myself as I could and this is a big ouch.
Inspiration = Wow that’s awesome, what did you do? Next time I will do it for myself.
The beauty and exquisiteness of being with women with no comparison is beyond compare. We are innately designed to support and nurture each other and the power of women united is the way forward for humanity.
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?”
For me this is the loveliest of questions. It so tenderly and lovingly with out any judgment gently invites me to feel myself and stay with appreciating myself.
Thank you Adrienne for such a beautiful offering.
Comparison and jealousy will only ever divide us….where as appreciation and inspiration unites us all. … “I feel soundly aware of the choices I’ve or haven’t made and the ones I can still make instead. Hello inspiration!”
Adrienne you beautifully embody the honouring of yourself and each other you speak of, reminding us women that we are precious, we are powerful and we are each equally sacred. I am with you all the way. Thank you
Adrienne thank you for sharing how often as women we forget to stop and understand one another which leads to comparison. Taking a moment to understand makes a difficult ,hurtful situation turn into a deep understanding of where we coming from and why we act this way.
“Hello comparison… where’s the chocolate?” – you put it so precisely here Adrienne, it leaves no doubt as to the impact and poison comparison has on all women and on us all. What if our food choices and even exhaustion are not down to the physical activity we do – but this toxic thing, comparison, that we sometimes choose to do?
“Hello inspiration!” – Love it Adrienne. Your are truly inspirational for explaining so simply how comparison comes a-knocking on our door. Now we have a choice to nip this reductionism of ourselves and all others and instead support each to grow by reflection and inspiration. Many thanks for this awesome blog …
Comparison is the tool by which we all subscribe to to ensure that no one rocks our comfort. The truth is we don’t like it when another lives what we full well know we too are capable of, and so it is easier to tear another down with false politeness or petty judgements than it is to be honest about our own true state of affairs.
Great point Adam, if we are comparing with or judging another it is time to take a loving look in the mirror. Great point of reflection.
Yes Adam, let’s loose the false politeness and petty judgements and let’s start being honest about our choices and where we are at, again without judgement but with a clear knowing that we can live more of the love that we truly are. I am ready.
I love your words “could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness”? This is a great reminder and one I will take on. As I grow older I remember that youthful beauty is not there but something deeper grows in its place if we let it, and that is the love for ourselves and humanity as a whole and a need to express the truth of who we are.. Thank you Adrienne.
I love those words too “could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?”. I will remind myself of that next time comparison is coming up!
Yes, I’ll be doing this for myself too the next time the comparison arises.
Adrienne this is a beautiful blog and important blog. I too have found that the more I appreciate myself the more I can be appreciative of and inspired by other women. When women support each other the power, beauty and joy can be felt by all.
I agree with you Adrienne that the antidote to comparison is to build a deeper and more loving relationship with self. I’ve been starting to appreciate myself in the little things much more and discovering that with the deepening appreciation of and connection with myself I can appreciate others more and the comparison is lessening.
‘Is it possible that comparison enters through the doorway of lack of self worth or self loathing that we open whenever we brush off, ignore or hold at bay recognising and appreciating the absolute preciousness and amazingness of ourselves?’
Absolutely!!! I feel appreciation of our gorgeous selves is key to keeping comparison at bay.
I’ve noticed that when I’m feeling full of me, if I feel how another has really ‘stepped up’, I don’t feel less, but acknowledge that we are all different, with our own unique expression. We are all needed, equally, and together we are truly amazing.
Underneath all the comparison and jealousy that we have experienced between woman throughout our lives, is a true desire for sisterhood once again. A time when we supported, nurtured and loved each other – always feeling warmth and inspiration when met with a woman living her true worth. We can have this again, all of us, if we address our self worth, llet go of comparison and embrace woman once again. Truly gorgeous.
Beautiful Jo.. it is gorgeous to be with women who know and honour their true worth, it invites us to do the same by way of inspiration, something to celebrate for sure.
Thank you Jo, the word “sisterhood” brought a big smile on my face. I love to be intimate with women although I don’t always choose it with everyone at the same level. Sharing myself, all of me is the basis of the intimacy I just love to share with women and men.
Your welcome Katinka. I love to be intimate with woman as well, and when I am sitting next to a woman at a lecture, a meal, or just lazing around, I often will rub their back, gently over their shoulders, maybe a little kidney rub. It’s these simple gestures that build intimacy between women, and the response is always heartfelt.
When I read the question “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” I noticed that with one letter change, loveliness to loneliness, may be at the core of much comparison. When we are missing connection to our own true loveliness and feel it in another it reflects our loss and can bring up comparison. When we observe this in ourselves we can choose instead to be inspired and know that we too have an inner beauty that is there to inspire others.
Adrienne, re-reading this post your opening line manages to quell the so often disliked and unnoticed issue of comparison and competition between women with your (as ever) so deeply simple and reflective pondering: ” When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves”. YES the relationship we have with ourselves is the one we have with another. If that relationship is with appreciation, so too can we find appreciation for another woman, very easy.
True Zofia, and appreciating ourselves and in turn other women is incredibly empowering.
Yes, and when women are working together from our natural inner stillness we are very powerful and offer a much needed quality to humanity.
A very profound question to truly feel –‘ Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?’ I say yes and for me, if we allow ourselves to be honest, this presents a beautiful opportunity to return to the loveliness that we are and bring when are connected to this. Thank you Adrienne for expressing this so clearly – very powerful.
‘When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.’
This is profound as it shows us that we are always in power of our own life, nothing happens to us that we cannot change. It always comes back to us, so we never stay disempowered and the victim.
This is really beautifully written Adrienne, so simple – turning comparison into inspiration, knowing that we have the same blooming power within, to focus on, nurture and live.
It’s a good topic to shed some light on. Comparison is something that women could definitely do without as it keeps their eyes off their own inner beauty.
It is so easy to use our eyes to look around at others in the world and clock all that we are not, but as you say “this only keeps their eyes off their own inner beauty”.
Isn’t it bizarre that the beauty and love we all want has been inside us all along. It makes life seem very strange given that most of us have spent almost an eternity trying to be good, do the right thing, get peoples approval or adoration, improve ourselves, be seen to be successful, try to be perfect and so on.
What a lovely way to encourage women to celebrate and appreciate themselves. We are rarely given permission to do so yet clearly it is a vital ingredient to good mental health. I love the point you offer – we can see the same situation 2 ways – one way helps us grow and celebrate each other, the other stunts us and feels awful to be on the receiving end of.
I have really been aware lately that we, as women, do not celebrate ourselves, and each other, enough when there is so much to appreciate and celebrate. It’s time to own our gloriousness and not hold back celebrating it!
I so agree Ingrid, let’s stop holding back and enjoy celebrating everything we are, our beauty, our divinity, our tenderness, our sacredness, our delicateness…and I can go on and on. So many qualities we all carry inside, it seems foolish to focus of our flaws and ignore the abundance of beauty that is naturally there.
I too agree Ingrid. In my work I have started to introduce programs for girls and am starting to feel from the group, the gorgeousness and preciousness that comes from being a woman. It is touching and it is supporting me to embrace this much more deeply in myself. So celebrate being a woman – I like the sound of that, I do I do …
It’s true, comparison can only come in if we are not with ourselves in the first place. And if we find ourselves in it how ugly it feels – if we bother to pay attention to how we feel – and so it is then easy to make that choice to allow the loveliness of who we are to return. We can then appreciate ourselves and the other, knowing the other is just like us.
Adrienne I feel the truth of this blog which is a powerful reminder that comparison only arises when I do not feel enough in some way. And how comparison takes us away from from feeling how beautiful every woman is – it’s a terrible trap to fall into, one incited by magazines and media, and fed by low feelings of self-worth.
This is great Adrienne – comparison as a symptom of forgetting our loveliness – it really brings it back to being about us, not the other person and also reminds us that we all have this natural amazingness within us.
Adrienne, How beautiful you express and allow us to feel the simple choice we have to compare ourselves with or be inspired by another. Thank you.
Adrienne this is such an important blog for us all – from early age we (most of us) start to feel that we are not quite enough just as we are, and that we need to be more and we need to prove our worth. Because we don’t know where to go with this feeling, we look outside ourselves and voila, comparison and competition is a fact.
Eva I love how you have pin-pointed: “because we don’t know where to go with these feelings we look outside of ourselves”. How simple would it be to offer from an early age, that we come to our-selves and feel what is there? The world would turn on its head if this simple truth and understanding were a foundation in everyone’s life from birth.
I love your blog Adrienne so clearly and simply expressed- we have a choice to either go into comparison or get inspired by another woman and appreciate the choices they have made and know that you too can make those choices.
When we appreciate our own uniqueness and sacredness we will bust open a lot of stereotypes that are diminishing our true Glory.
And how different would the world be if there was no comparison, and of course Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have been presenting this for a long time, but it is such a pernicious and instilled pattern that we will have to be reminded again and again that WHENEVER comparison arises, we must look to ourselves and deal with it, as it corrodes our very being.
That word pernicious is very apt Chris. Comparison is such an instilled way of being that it’s easy to ignore when it comes up.. which is so numerous and so often in one single day. It is corroding and needs a vigilant watch to root it out.
I agree, it is very easy to ignore as it comes up many times a day. At times it seems very brief and hardly there, but it is and then I am just fooling myself that it is not a big comparison. But comparison is comparison, there is no measure, it is there or it is not there.
Great call Adrienne Hutchins, to let go of comparison and to give way to inspiration and appreciation instead. This will free our sights and allow us to enjoy the true beauty there is to experience in anybody we meet. We are all from the same source of love and we all cary this beauty within. Meeting each other with the appreciation of this fact will leave not room for comparison but instead will bring inspiration and deepening our level of appreciation as we feel that his is our way to truly evolve with each other.
You are so absolutely right- what would be, if we would lift each other up in reflecting each other instead of using each other to keep us locked away from going further and becoming a beautiful blossom- every blossom as beautiful as the other just with different colours.
As women who are very capable of multi tasking – I’d like to fully develop mine into holding myself and All others equally at any given moment. There is no need for competition or comparison. There is more than enough for us all to share in the true gloriousness of who we are as individuals. So I’ll put down the phone while I’m eating, do one task at a time, and use my super-woman power to hold me and you equally at the same moment. Now that’s something worthy of multi-tasking.
hello inspiring writer! Love this article I have read it many times, particularly like the ….hello chocolate this is so what is going on with so many of us. I have recently been able to start to feel my own inner sacredness, a very yummy warmth in my body and expansion around my chest, it has made all the difference to how I feel about myself in the face of another living even fuller than I and staying open to look at how I can deepen my livingness.
Awesome sharing, thank you Vanessa. I have just started to feel my inner sacredness too so it was lovely to read this.
To see another blooming is something very joyful and inspiring for me. They shine for all of us and the more of us that shine the lighter it is for everyone.
Beautiful Nicola. I so enjoyed returning to read this blog again, particularly the last paragraph which you’ve summed up so awesomely here.
This whole blog is gold, particularly what you have shared hear ‘When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.’ By bringing this in it changes everything and instead of looking at what we are not or what we haven’t done or got etc, it asks us to come back to and start with the love that we are. I would say hear, by doing this it asks us not to compare but start to truly appreciate, ourselves and others.
I found myself rereading your blog today Adrienne, It is an inspiring blog which truly confirms that as women, we find a huge difference with each other and ourselves when we are not drawn into that comparison or competition with each other, and we get to truly feel the support of another woman instead.
This is such an important topic for us to start discussing. Women are so powerful when we come together to inspire and support each other. When we do this consistently, it will be a game changer in the world. We need to understand there will always be a tension when we are with a woman who has made loving choices that we are yet to make, but not to avoid the tension or judge ourselves. Feeling the other woman’s choices gives us a road map and real life example of our way back to being the full and glorious women we naturally are.
I agree Fiona as you say, “Feeling the other woman’s choices gives us a road map and real life example of our way back to being the full and glorious women we naturally are.” These moments are true blessings when we feel them and it’s a choice to respond to what it is, simply that. A great sign post on which way we can choose to go. It’s not a blocked exit, a return to jail – do not pass go, you’ve been wrong sign, unless we choose to put that handbrake on ourselves.
So beautifully said Fiona: “Feeling the other woman’s choices gives us a road map and real life example of our way back to being the full and glorious women we naturally are.” What an amazing road map to have to lead us away from the jealousy and comparison that has weighed us down for so long, to a way of living that is truly supportive of our glorious selves and others.
Beautifully expressed Fiona and so true.
Such a simple tool to deal with comparison and to understand where it comes from and yet a lot of us women have a problem with it. How great would it be if more and more women could stand clear in that moment of ‘hurt’ not been as loving to themselves as the woman they compare with, take this as an inspiration and choose differently. To build a different way of treating themselves. That would be true support for each other.
Thank you Adrienne very inspiring, we all have a natural beauty we so often hide, it is never too late to make a connection with that inner beauty and make different choices to appreciate choices another has made and celebrate those choices.
Beautiful Adrienne. Bringing it back to ourselves and remembering that preciousness and beauty that we all naturally hold is energy better spent than using it for jealousy or comparison of another.
I just re read this beautiful blog and can say that in the past I would feel less if a friend was moving forward, and was feeling great within herself as it would show how I was not making those same choices for myself and I would go into beating myself up about it. What is great today is that I am now able to see those choices my friends make and celebrate the fact that they are making them, knowing full well, that I too can make that choice now.. and perhaps I just haven’t given it any thought before or even been aware, but it is never too late.
That’s so simply true Rosie. It can be as simple as it being a new awareness that has arisen. Not that anything before wasn’t right or we did something wrong, it is just as simple as: now is the time and the person in front of us is there to show the way. This is a blessing and to be appreciated and celebrated. It’s all a choice how we look at it.
Rosie this is so true what you have shared. It’s really just another opportunity for us to expand our own appreciation for our own amazingness from seeing it reflected from another. That is a beautiful celebration in itself.
Adrienne and Rosie you both have such exquisite expressions and a real knack in your writing styles to make psychology so clear and simple. I love your light-hearted tone here Rosie ‘……I too can make that choice now’ With a little honesty it can be that simple.
I had to laugh reading this Deanne, as really if you asked me to write on psychology I would have no idea where to start. I write with no style at all… I just say it how I would if I were talking to you.
When I truly appreciate another, I feel appreciation for myself naturally blossom, and then my appreciation for the other grows even more. It is like a beautiful forever expansion of joy and connection . . . that works both ways.
What you share is so true, when we are able to appreciate another we are truly able to appreciate ourselves and then the appreciation for others grows deeper. A beautiful cycle that allows us to go deeper and deeper.
I have started to build appreciation for myself as the first step, expressing out loud to myself and others what I appreciate about myself, feeling the joy and humbleness of this. Appreciation of myself now allows me to appreciate other women from a deeper place, seeing their unique expression and qualities without making it about me, celebrating them. I don’t always manage to do this, if I don’t it is a strong reflection that offers an opportunity to re-connect and step out of the old felling of not being enough.
Thank you Jenny, that is so beautifully said.
Jenny, i so agree, when i feel appreciation for myself, i naturally have a deeper capacity to hold others in that same appreciation, which is expansive.
Great blog Adrienne, when I catch myself comparing with someone else, most of the time seeing me as less, I always find out after that I had forgotten to appreciate what I do bring. Without feeling I am amazing already it is hard to see others as inspirations, as I see it then just as a confirmation of me not being amazing.
Adrienne thank you for this truly beautiful blog. What an awesome and simple way to give comparison a kick, a kick out of our lives – and a gateway to a world of inspiration and awe opens itself up for us.
I agree Adrienne, when we are appreciating and honouring ourselves it is very natural to appreciate and be inspired by other women, as they will be inspired by us. Women are very powerful when working together. Jealousy and comparison on the other hand keeps us divided and fragmented.
Feeling inspired and appreciative of the beauty and truth you have shared here Adrienne. Thank you.
I have found that going in to comparison hurts so much and takes me away from who I am into deep illusion about somehow not being enough. These days I let these women who I admire inspire me to be more of me and to make more self loving choices, not because I’m less but because I deserve it too.
a truly beautiful article
How lovely to let go of all the comparison we carry and to allow inspiration. We would all be very very light.
And comparing not only makes ourselves less, but also the other, because they can not see their reflection in the one comparing. The other person can not be free in expressing, because the lesser energy is being felt, so they turn away or put a shield on. So it’s a lose- lose situation.
I did not intentionally come to reread this blog Adrienne, however I chose to stop and feel again what you have offered here and love the statement… ‘Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?’ Absolutely and when connected to why would I ever compare myself? There is truly no place for comparison we feel and know the depth and beauty that resides in each and every part of our being.
Great insights into comparison and how we can turn it around for honest self-reflection and appreciation of another in their beauty, a beauty we all have equally even if we haven’t claimed it as yet.
This is a great subject area for women to discuss and look at how comparisons with other women impact on our relationships.
It’s an interesting point to ponder Adrienne – what would it be like if us women could look and be with each other, while reflecting all of the powerful and beautiful qualities we all bring, rather than compare and judge each other based on temporal looks or how many successful ‘tick boxes’ we have checked, e.g. a happy family, wealthy etc.
Thank you truly for this honest blog , which is absolute evoltionary and complete.. I am so glad the subject is raised, and we are free to talk about it , yes also all the feelings that come with it; being it incomfortable, horrified, bludged or anything. It is so great to hear and feel all this and start to see that I am not the only one who does experience this. In the beginning I would never thought that comparison is a real thief of our inner-joy. We are to confirm ourselves – not confool ourselves so the speak;) I have been experiencing many many times using comparison to relieve myself or to go in misery. I was constantly comparing myself to other ladies especially, trying to hold myself as more or even times that I would choose to absolutely take myself down by it ; for example when I was reading a glamourized top model magazine.. Such high standards I would never achive.. ” a great way to take myself down”, but it hurt so much. When reading this blog now, I can feel the truth about what comparison realy means.. not so innocent and quiet at all.. Time to pay more attention for me to feel when these feelings come up and how to deal with them. The next moment that I will feel comparasion will be a moment of true evolution – a way that conencts me deeper to myself , by honestly seeing where I am at and in respect of others.
Adrienne, speaking about comparison and competition in the way that you have in this article gives us a real insight into what is really going on when we compare. We can only compare if we do not know who we are.
This is such an awesome and very well needed topic to discuss, as comparison and jealously are the very root of toxic feelings to invade a woman’s body. Within a nanosecond, if you are not choosing to be aware, it sets up a total separation between women, slashing any glimmer of union of sisterhood. It’s using what we see, as a measure of who and what we are, instead of firstly, taking a moment to feel the exquisiteness that is so there inside our own body. And THEN, our own gorgeousness is confirmed by the sparkle we see in another woman… ‘oh yes, I’m THAT too’. Comparison and Jealousy are sneaky, which is where a consistent practice of self care and self love for a woman is true medicine in the way it reconnects, confirms and reminds a woman how special, unique and worthy we each indeed are.
This sentence is inspiration to stop for a moment – thank you Johanne.
“…taking a moment to feel the exquisiteness that is so there inside our own body’
Hello Adrienne and thank you for the blog. It is great to put a topic like this one out in the open so more people can understand and be aware of the ‘silent’ exchanges that can take place in relationships. I enjoyed this blog but I felt it left short of where it could have been. I see the things and possibilities you have spoken about but there was no map or talk of how to prepare yourself in those ‘moments’. I was left wondering how and where to go. I loved that you have opened up a conversation and this is possibly the first step.
The inspiration from the women’s group discussions has put comparison and competition into perspective for me and it’s great to feel how being open and honest with women is far more empowering.
When did we start moving away from our naturally gorgeous and equally amazing selves and start seeing a person’s attire, hair style, job, or even, lifestyle as a measure of who we are in comparison to them. So much absolute love, and pure sacredness of the woman missed when we focus on the outside of us and our world and leave behind the most exquisite part of us, our stillness, waiting there for us to say yes to in full.
I love how you describe how we truly are “naturally gorgeous, amazing, absolute love, pure sacredness and our exquisite stillness”.
I’ve just fallen deeper in loving appreciation of myself just by writing this.
We are ALL this and more, why we would we ever want to stop feeling this in ourselves by comparing someone’s shoes!
Can you imagine how much inspiration you’d pick up if we replaced comparison ? It would be amazing and no women would feel less then.
I find myself on your blog again Adrienne ! There is so much to be done in our world today to shine another way to be as women and the time is now. Thank you again for a very necessary debate.
The wisdom you have captured here is so simple, beautiful, light, lovely and ever so applicable in our daily lives – such a perfect package – inspiring.
I love this next quote that I have taken out of your blog “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?”. I would absolutely agree because those times where I am court in the vortex of comparison there is no room for me feeling any of my own loveliness. I feel comparison sucks you dry of all compassion and love for yourself. An absolute horrid things that we do.
Great post Adrienne. To appreciate and be inspired by every beautiful woman is a choice we have before us to make. Choosing comparison or comparison instead, simply reflects where we are with ourselves.
When we look at sports competition we can see how devastating it is to the body when we push ourselves as women far beyond the natural limits of what our physicality can do. Although as women we are very capable of great physical strengths such as during child birth, but when this strength is put in to competition between each other there is a kind of devastation that would not otherwise happen and we can clearly see this during any sporting event. Our natural way is to be in harmony with eachother as women and as people, yet through sports women are creating very hard bodies designed to better themselves over another. As role models these women are celebrated, and so they should be for their incredible determination. But the relationships that are created by this way of living are not for everyone, they are just for themselves, and this is what ends up being celebrated as well, which is not supportive to us as women as a whole.
I’ve loved re-reading this blog and feeling how every woman — and man — who comes along brings us a reflection. In that moment when another woman brings all her beauty through loving choices before us, we can choose to be inspired and reminded of our beauty or we can choose to bash ourselves and go into comparing and being jealous, which is so ugly and sad. When women celebrate each other they bring an enormous healing to a world that is longing for that nurturing love that women in union can bring. So bring on the inspiration.
Adrienne, thank you. Comparison and competition creates an illusion that one is somehow ‘better’ than another. Through being held by the ideals and beliefs of this world we make judgements about ourselves and others. This creates a ranking system and breeds separation. Yes we may have issues, some may make more loving choices and others may be more evolved but this never for one second takes away from the beauty we all naturally hold within. It’s about claiming ourselves as women to see the truth in the fact that we are all essentially equal.
Wow this blog is fantastic Adrienne.. comparison is something we all do and I have felt personally the crippling effects on myself when I choose this. I have always made myself lesser. To ask the question, “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” is perfect, because in the moment of feeling myself compare I can remind myself that it is my own exquisite gorgeousness that I am missing and it had nothing to do with the other person. Thanks for sharing and writing.
I love how you make a very serious topic that is the bane of most women’s life so simple, clear and fun Adrienne … do we chose chocolate or inspiration!!!!!!
Beautiful Adrienne. How simply you have shown the choice we all have in any moment to choose inspiration or comparison.
Gorgeously put Arienne, Yes, comparison feels just awful. Thanks for sharing such simple ways to work with comparison. I am finding it requires diligence to keep coming back to appreciating myself and within that appreciation of me, I also appreciate the other and the comparison then drops away.
Comparison is a huge issue amongst women worldwide. Your blog presents such a simple way as to how to deal with this issue that has been crippling women and their relationships for centuries. We need to get this out to more women so they too can learn by and be inspired by your message.
Absolutely, “when comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation” we can change the world.
Oh I love this blog, how clearly exposed the difference between comparison (hello chocolate!) and feeling equal and willing to feel our choices (hello inspiration!). There is so much to do in this respect for most of us, and we have a great learning field here to REMEMBER our common beauty and depth of connection. Definitely will read again and practice what you propose so I live it everyday. Thanks
I agree Julia, our female gender does have much learning to do deepening our connection to our essence and to the love that we are.
Adrienne I love how you have exposed comparison and competition between women, it is something that we prefer not to talk about yet it is so depleting and damaging not only to ourselves but to everyone, we all get affected by comparison.
It’s so interesting that our default so often is to go into comparing and either being hard on ourselves, or the other person. How odd this actually is! It just goes to show how far from amazing we must be feeling, and how society in general does not support us to be and feel amazing, as a general rule. It is so awesome to have the opportunity to attend presentations by the likes of Jenny, Rebecca and Mary-Louise to start to work on these things for ourselves and women everywhere.
Thank you Adrienne, It is a choice to compare or appreciate, and it starts with the connection in/with ourselves. Thank you for putting the reins back in our hands.
Yes Arianne, it is isn’t it. So simple and so our choice.
Very beautiful and it resonates as such truth. Imagine if we took responsibility for what you have presented here Adrienne, the world would be blessed every day, more and more, as women started loving and appreciating women. We start with us in our community, let’s roll it out from there.
Thank you Adrienne for raising the awareness around a behaviour that begins so early in life and therefore can be happening without even feeling this is playing out. I am learning that if I catch myself in these moments it is simply that I am not feeling content in myself and appreciating my own beauty and all I bring. Appreciating ourselves and each other is certainly the way to go 🙂
Here, here to inspiration and appreciation for all women in the world. Beautiful blog Adrienne thank you.
I love it, Adrienne: a complete re write of what comparison can offer! “Is it possible that comparison enters through the doorway of lack of self worth or self loathing that we open whenever we brush off, ignore or hold at bay recognising and appreciating the absolute preciousness and amazingness of ourselves?” To allow ourselves to be inspired by another woman and not lose the appreciation of ourselves..that is life changing. Thank you!
So much to reflect and enjoy here Adrienne. This is a beauty: “I get to see and feel where they have made choices that I didn’t.” When I cut out all the nonsense that wants to fill my head, I can quickly choose to discover what it is that is being shown to me to learn and develop. This doesn’t refer to make up tips and shoes (though these are fun). It is much more about appreciation of the depth of quality we can feel in each other. Rather than pull back because we feel a difference it’s so freeing and fun to open up and expand forward. There is an abundance of lovely deep womanly beauty for all. It’s just up to us to choose to recognise it and let it out from with-in.
Beautiful Sandra, I can feel your beauty and depth in this expression, thank you.
I love coming back to this such wise wise words.
Thank you Adrienne for pointing out how different our relationships with each other would be like if we did not instantly compare ourselves to others.
Such a simple insight:
‘When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.
All I have to do is appreciate myself in full and be inspired by others.
This blog is really beautiful and the key is to truly appreciate how amazing and beautiful we are in full.
I easily go into comparison feeling less but what if I were to make a different choice in seeing the beautiful reflection as an inspiration. It has to begin with accepting and appreciating ourselves and this is a great reminder for me to do this not just now and again but everyday.
This is a very inspiring article for all women to read reminding us that when we go into comparison, we have simply forgotten how beautiful and amazing we are and to always REMEMBER this no matter what.
What you express here Caroline is so fundamentally important for us as girls, teens and women of all ages. We MUST appreciate ourselves and each other to bring a halt to the cascading effects of comparison, jealousy and self loathing that paralyses us women.
“When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.” Wow what wisdom there is in these words and so true in that yes we are all of the same source but our bodies, ages and lives are different so it makes sense that we all bring something different which means comparison can have no place. I am learning the key to this is appreciating and valuing what I do bring because if I don’t then feeling less can take over very quickly. Thank you Adrienne for raising an important subject.
Sounds blooming lovely … Women inspiring and appreciating each other in full without an ounce of self doubt or self loathing!
Revisiting this inspiring blog I can see very clearly how my investment into self-loathing leads to comparison and jealousy. The moment I start to let go of the self-loathing the comparison goes out the door with it. Time for more appreciation!
Absolutely Judith – There are a lot of opportunities for us to self-loathe – it is easily done – but it is still a choice – to give our power to that or not. I am very much enjoying bringing it back to more appreciation.
It can be really subtle too Judith, and catching ourselves in comparison as Adrienne says ‘becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.’ This is such a great marker of truth ~ we are responsible for ‘blooming our selves’ from our own blooming power! I love that phrase.
When we feel the slightest discomfort when we are with another woman, it is the most amazing opportunity to ask ourselves why the feeling arises. Most of the time when another woman has claimed her amazingness in ways I have not yet, allows me the opportunity to reflect that I can also be that–not in imitation or competition, but in my own unique expression. Comparison then have no place to stand or breed when we are open to our feelings of discomfort.
Adrienne well said on this great subject. As a woman I have been on both sides of the situation the compared with and the comparing one. Both are limiting and restricting. The responsibility then is cast outside of us as “who does she think she is” ” I wish I was like that” or rejected for being my glorious self and some how it is my fault for her down fall. How freeing to live as an equal to each. To take responsibility for our own development and connection. If a trait is seen in another, we choose to celebrate it as a confirmation in us or a learning opportunity that I have yet to focus on. This will then be loving, supportive and nurturing as women, with women.
This is pure gold, how often do we as women live in total comparison with each other, using ill concealed jealousy to block out the realisation its our own lack of self worth we don’t want to feel? It’s so liberating to know what the truth is, sometimes i have been out of sorts and felt lesser than other women or in comparison with them. When I take the time to feel whats really going on, the stark reality is that I am really feeling how much I don’t like myself. its incredible how i have shielded myself from knowing that truth for so long, yet it is the truth. I now welcome the understanding of what is behind my reactions.I am so worth liking, and knowing this has encouraged me to keep being honest about what another brings up for me.
Pure inspiration happening right now for the way you write Adrienne.
To be honest and take note as to when and why comparison occurs is a great start. What you have shared with us is beautiful and inspiring. How we feel about ourselves reflects how we feel about others. If we are feeling lovely and amazing there is no way comparison can be present, it simply cannot exist. To nurture our self-worth, self-love and to be completely honest would be a great way to nip comparison in the bud.
This is such an important question as this is so engrained in the relationships between women. I still find myself doing it and it feels rather horrible. The negative feelings and thoughts that we can have about ourselves is very damaging and keeps us from feeling who we truly are. I feel the only way to move away from this is to learn to appreciate ourselves for all that we are and from there keep unfolding with the inspiration of all the beautiful women around us in their unique expressions
This is so beautiful looking at what the other woman is reflecting back to you and that this is in you as well only not as nurtured and brought to bloom yet. Thank you Adrienne.
Nip comparison and competition in the bud, love that line. What a difference to choose for inspiration and appreciation instead!
Great blog Adrienne, It seems like we go into automatic comparison when we see a woman anywhere, be it randomly on the street, a friend or family member or a woman in a magazine. You are so right we need to see our own loveliness, no one is the same, we are all unique in our own expression, lets be ourselves in the world for all to see.
Love your blog Adrienne, it is very inspiring to see comparison as a call to be more love. We each equally have our own quality of expression and it is beautiful to feel and appreciate the many from the one. Being our self is something to truly celebrate, for united we women are so powerful.
Thank you for sharing your very important beautiful blog Adrienne. Comparision is definately a real killer where as inspiration with true love is very healing indead and very confirming and allows for real appreciation both for oneself and others alike.
When you are witness to women who have no comparison or jealousy towards each other, but simply inspiration and true love for another, it is the biggest healing. There is so much for us to learn from each other as women, as each of us carry exquisite, unique jewels that are heavenly. As you so beautifully express Adrienne, comparison can and will be nipped in the bud as women claim their own self-worth and no longer look outwards, to another woman for something she thinks she does not have within herself.
Hey Adrienne, Beautiful- i like how you thought of comparison as a hint to tell us we aren’t feeling ourselves…great.
I find it difficult to admit when I am actually in comparison with another Woman, as if I should be ashamed I do this. This blog and the recent Women’s presentation by Natalie Benhayon and Miranda Benhayon gave me more insight to what is truly going on when I go into comparison and I am inspired to hold myself with more love, acknowledge my strengths and give myself space to work on the areas in my life I am not yet bringing the full me to.
Adrienne I have read your blog and feel inspired by the many ways we can be with another without comparison coming between us. I am also inspired by the amazing revelations by all the other comments before mine, and almost went into comparison, but caught myself just in time realising what a great teacher these blogs and comments are for me! I am learning to appreciate that each one of us has something different to offer and another piece of the puzzle to add.
Thank you Adrienne. It is just awesome that as women we have so many reflections from each other so we can truly learn, to be more honest about ourselves, to step up on the areas where we have not been committing to (yet), so that as an individual as a whole, we grow and evolve, together–as women. Comparison and competition between women is just our little game to resist how truly powerful as women we can be together, to keep us not evolving into this true power. Recognizing this, there is simply no way to not support another woman, another human being, to be in celebration for who they are and for each and every time of their stepping up–because this is an equal celebration of myself for the amazing reflection received, which is a choice I can make to step up as well. There is only one direction in true love, and it is to step up (evolve).
Beautifully said ‘1heart1love1earth’. We are truly powerful as women together and comparison and competition between women is just our little game to resist the evolving into this true power.
So interesting to read this especially after Natalie and Miranda Benhayon’s most recent presentation on the subject. To begin to look at this comparison as an opportunity to shine a light on our own strengths and connect to the strengths reflected to us by another feels refreshing. How is it then possible to compare oneself to another if what becomes ignited is your true love, support and appreciation of the inspiration that they offer. For truly comparison has been a big missed opportunity to develop greater understanding and intimacy with another and yourself and who doesn’t want that.
Yes I agree, Jade, it’s a great time to find this blog and read it. I wish this was taught in schools as its much more important than anything else- when we know our worth and our unchallengeable amazingness, this is pure gold and a real support for life.
Every women should read your article- It´s sad to see how often women are not supporting each other instead being jealous and dismissive. Every moment that is actually seemingly bringing you down ( e.g. someone is better in something) , is a possibility to grow and asks to look at yourself.
Yes it does ask you to look at what’s come up for you. Very very deep responsibility being called for, and so many not aware this is a great way to handle this type of angst.
I agree Steffi that this would be so beneficial for all women to read. It brings comparison back to ourselves in such a beautiful way that you can’t even beat or bash yourself up. You truly feel the inspiration and joy that another brings.
There is a definite call in our relationships as women to talk about the subject of jealousy and comparison to take the stigma out and free ourselves up to evolve out of this way of being which keeps everyone down. I have a very open relationship with my mother and sister and some girlfriends where we can talk openly about this without self judgment and it supports unlocking old patterns.
What a great blog, thank you Adrienne. I love when you say ‘When I am present with myself and hold myself as equal to any other woman, including the one in front of me that is reflecting their beauty and amazingness, all the information of that single moment is still there, but instead of being crushed I get to feel where I have let myself go or held myself back’. After hearing Natalie Benhayon present today, about how comparison is really holding us, ‘women’, back, it became clear to me that when I am not expressing in full to another person, it’s comparison that’s holding me back, as you say. Not nice to feel! I loved the way she explained that when someone reflects to us something that they are better at, it’s an opportunity to learn from them. To congratulate them and ask how they do ‘whatever it is’. To make ourselves open in that moment, rather than contract and feel bad about ourselves.
This is absolute gold Adrienne – “…..we acknowledged the unfolding beauty of another woman without feeling an iota less in ourselves, in fact, feeling more aware and appreciative of ourselves….” this is a game changer right here for pulling up comparison and competition between women. I love how you offered another way to look at this, as an opportunity to consider if we have disconnected from our loveliness. When I go into competition or comparison, I loose all connection with myself first and also the other person, as I’m making it all about my lack of and not actually seeing and appreciating what they are reflecting to me.
Thank you for inspiring me to “REMEMBER my own absolute worth and loveliness”, Adrienne. Very timely this morning. It is indeed a choice to be aware of our own bodies at all times, and if comparison sneaks in, let it be an opportunity to appreciate YOURSELF first and get inspired to step up. Worth it.
Thank you for sharing your blog Adrienne and thank you Barbara for sharing your vision of a garden of beautiful flowers. If I allow jealousy and comparison to keep me small, no one will get to see what a beautiful flower I am and at the same time, I’m not appreciating the fullness of all the other beautiful flowers around me. I love this analogy.
Great blog Adrienne. You are touching on an issue between women that is huge. Most of my life I have ‘struggled’ with comparison issues. It took some time for me to recognise and accept this as a beginning point to understand where it comes from and to stop judging myself for doing this – which simply acts to keep us from getting to an understanding. As you say, I have come to understand that comparison only occurs where there is a lack of self worth. Understanding this, has allowed me to know where to begin in healing this old destructive pattern. Of course, I begin with self, with appreciation, acceptance, understanding me and my body, learning to honour my feelings – all of this builds on my self worth, and as I build this, I am naturally in appreciation of other women, there is little space for comparison in this way. On the days when I do feel myself in comparison, if I am honest and I stop and feel where I am at, its very simple – I have come away from my own connection to me. I have gone into disregard of myself, feeling less or not enough, and it is here the comparison thrives.
Comparison is like a poison i find. Once I judge myself from another, its not just that interaction but others and then how i view myself in the mirror as well. How amazing would it be to take inspiration from meeting women instead of comparison. It would make life so beautiful !
It’s so true, I have found by working on deepening my relationship with myself and addressing lack of self-worth issues, has opened up a whole new level of relating with women. We can let go of comparison and competition, and we absolutely need to in order to experience the endlessly deep love that women can show for each other. And it is truly lovely to be able to love, honour and admire another women who is beaming her beauty out to the world with no holding back.
Beautifully said Jo ‘the endlessly deep love that women can show for each other’ and how lovely it is to be in relationship with other women where there is a deep and equal appreciation there. I am beginning to experience relationships in my life with women where true love and appreciation is building and the old way of comparison is less and less. Today inspiration to deepen my commitment to myself, in knowing this is what truly supports all of my relationships to be as loving as they can be.
Thanks Adrienne you have written an awesome blog , to use the world of people as an excuse not to see our role in what plays out is to not evolve to the great oneness of brotherhood we natural are. Judgement,comparison,jealousy,competition,are what keeps us small and holds us back from the awareness we are one.
What a simple formula you have provided here for how to deal with comparison and competition, this crippling disease between women. After reading your blog there is no need to subscribe to that anymore! It is inspiration pure to simply start to appreciate and love ourselves and others more.
Adrienne after reading your blog, a picture came to me of a wondrous garden, full of most beauty-full flowers, all at various stages of bloom, all uniquely different and all basking equally in the glory of the suns rays, space and light for all, each reflecting and enhancing the exquisite radiance of the other by contrast. Each and every one an integral part of this precious garden, creating a harmony beyond compare.
Can you imagine flowers going into comparison to who was the best or prettiest colour haha. I love this analogy you have presented Barbara!
Thank you Adrienne I feel nothing but inspiration and appreciation reading this.
I felt so inspired reading your blog, Adrienne. I totally agree with you. Comparisons and jealousy show us without veils that we haven’t appreciated our own beauty and preciousness. The reflection is very uncomfortable but nonetheless true and an offering for us to evolve.
Very inspiring article Adrienne – love it, I will read it more than once..Thank you…
‘Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?’ – This is such a relevant question that is worth asking ourselves. I love the possibilities this blog raises – and also to look at how I use comparison in place of appreciation or acceptance. Great to ponder on.
What a way to look at comparison and jealousy – it also allows us to see that when we feel it from others it is not really personal at all. I know from appreciating myself more that I also have less comparison to other women – the more I accept myself the way that I am, the more I accept others for who they are too.
Adrienne, so beautifully written, thank you. I have always said that I dont compare or compete with other women, however the more I deepen my connection to me I realise that, in fact there is a comparative undercurrent running through my relationships with some of my girlfriends. This was mainly about weight issues which I am now realising have alot to do with self worth. A lovely reminder to bring it back to myself when this happens. Appreciate your touch of humour in this piece also, thank you.
As a man and husband I have noticed how badly women comparing themselves to each other affects them. For this reason I intensely dislike those women’s (and men’s) magazines that in effect encourage women to compare and compete with each other. Of the hundreds of magazines I have come across there is only one magazine that doesn’t do this. It’s called the Women in Livingness magazine.
http://www.wilmagazine.com. And as it says on the cover: “A women’s magazine full of real living women – no fantasy ‘fixes’ by Photoshop-happy publishers, just women in full-colour showing their true beauty and depth without reservation”.
Adrienne what you write allows me to remember the opportunities I have to choose love and appreciation of myself as a woman.
It is beautiful to read, ‘When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it… becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.’
It means I can stop judging myself for feeling the horrible sensation of comparing and being in competition with another woman. I don’t have to judge myself or, worse still pretend that I don’t compare and try to numb out the feeling of betrayal of my relationship with another woman and myself.
I can be honest. I can be honest about choices I’ve made to put myself down. I can be honest about how this feels and not shy away from how glorious it is when a woman has choosen to honour herself and shine – despite how revealing it is of my unloving choices. It’s wonderful to read how one can be inspired especially when the initial reaction is comparison and competition.
Such a awesome reflection on the truth Adrienne, the gold in this blog is priceless. Thank you for spelling it out so simply – we always have a choice we can choose jealously and compression or inspiration and appreciation one choice evolves us and the other takes us further down.
Thank you Adrienne for I will take this with me when I next encounter these two ugly sisters. For inspiration and appreciation and their third sister celebration are the family I’d like to walk with around women from now on.
I love what you have exposed in this blog. I too have been working with jealousy and comparison that I have been feeling come up in my body over the past several months. For a long time, I use to shun away from feeling these and gave myself a hard time when I felt these arise in my body. I would try and pretend that they were not there. I have worked on making friends with jealousy and comparison, now knowing that these feelings are familiar to most women and that as I feel these come up, I look at them curiously and as mentioned in the blog, I like to look at the choices that that women has made that perhaps I haven’t as yet and use it as an inspiration rather than berate myself. I’m finding over time that the feelings of jealousy and comparison are starting to lift as I appreciate myself and also appreciate that we all bring a unique piece to the puzzle – we all have different expressions and to enjoy each and everyone’s uniqueness including my own.
I have started to appreciate more of myself in the last month or so and yet I still find myself comparing or feeling jealousy towards others. What this is showing me is that if these ugly feelings are still hanging around then there must be even more of me to appreciate and accept. It doesn’t just stop at where I am already, I can appreciate more, I can accept more and I can love more.
A inspiring article written in true honesty
Adrienne thank you for the continued deeping awarness that re reading this blog brings. I love the truthful appreciation and equalness of who we All are.
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” Definitely, appreciating our own beauty and what we bring to the world stops comparison from creeping in through the door of self doubt and self worth.
So beautiful to read this today. How true it is what you have shared. How amazingly more amazing we all become in our appreciation and inspiration of ourselves and each other.
I found this beautiful to read this morning too Elaine. Only yesterday I was aware of how many times I had compared myself to other women in very subtle ways – the saddest thing is that at that moment I am holding myself away from my loveliness and holding these women away too. I was really touched and inspired by Adrienne’s conclusion :
‘When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.’
Another amazing contribution, Adrienne. Thank you for your insightful observations and for bringing the symptom of comparison (and jealousy) back to its root cause, the lack of valuing and appreciating ourselves in the first place.
“When we start to see comparison as a symptom of forgetting ourselves in the first place, it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.” As I build my relationship with myself to be one of love and appreciation, I am noticing my comparison with others becoming more obvious, then I have a choice to change. Great blog Adrienne – so good to re-read it.
LOVE re reading this blog Adrienne, very playful and to the point, it is very inspiring to feel that it is possible to be inspired while feeling our choices to live less than we truly are. That is a great platform to live from.
“Hello Comparison…… where’s the chocolate?”, is so true Adrienne, when we go into comparison we start to feel less than the person we are comparing ourselves to, so reach for the chocolate to bury the feeling that we are not enough, and try to fill that emptiness with something sweet that will make us feel good.That feel good factor only satisfies the mouth and is momentary, and will never satisfy the feeling that we have made ourselves feel less by going into comparison.
Very true Alison and a point well made, to value oneself is not the ‘norm’ in this world and yet it is a very necessary part of ones day to day life.
I agree Allison.
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” This quote could sit on my desk as a reminder for me when I go into self-doubt, to be inspired by, and return to who I truly am, an amazing woman, equal to everyone else.
I feel inspired by this blog also because it is not just applicable to women at all. Guys are just as comparative when it comes down to it: are my arms as big as his, wish I could have a six pack, look at the confidence he exudes…all sorts goes on. It just goes to show that it’s a pure people thing, and absolutely a reflection on self. In both cases it just seems to get buried and turned into vile dust that sits within, causeing great reactions. I have been supported in 2 ways around this, firstly to purely speak out how I am feeling, to renounce the jealousy for what it is. Speaking it out helps me to work on it and properly deal with it. Then also to allow myself to be inspired. To be a man and in the company of people like Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon, Michael Benhayon, Chris James and the countless other Students of Universal Medicine I am constantly inspired. For sure I could compare but the feeling is to simply celebrate their beauty and glory…clearly that renouncing is working. Great blog for giving me the chance to stop and appreciate just how awesome I am to.
Phill and Mary, it is wonderful what you have just shared. I am catching myself more and more when I start to go into comparison, and the suggestion of speaking it out is a great support, and having the awareness of what is going on is a first baby step in healing ourselves back to the beauty that we all are. And it is also interesting to get a man’s perspective on comparison too, thanks for contributing Phill.
Renouncing the jealousy and freeing ourselves from this soul destroying disease is for me one of Universal Medicine biggest teaching. We are all amazing in so many ways. Your talents and beauty enriches my life and mine does yours.
inspired by this blog and my own choices, I am observing more when I am comparing myself to others and am able to drop it which is then very freeing from the pressure I used to place myself under allowing me to feel freer to just express who I am truly am.
I can read this blog and its beautiful comments over and over again. I love: ‘What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?’ So true as women we have to remember; no need to do something or search for our worth and loveliness, because it is already there. Thank you again for this great reminder.
A great eye-opening blog that I have come back to re-read. I love how you’ve turned comparison upside down. Instead of looking at another and pointing out all my ‘lacks’ I can choose to see all the lovely qualities that another is reflecting to me, a confirmation that that is also within me. And if my reflection does not match the feeling in my body beating myself up for not having it is counterproductive, instead I can choose to use it as ‘That quality I see in another I can equally feel in me’ then examine my choices that may be hindering my feeling of that fact.
This is a great question to ask ourselves … “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” I have found that comparison is never about the other person, it is about how we feel about ourselves and our own choices.
Where you have written about holding yourself in presence and further said ‘all the information of that single moment is still there, but instead of being crushed I get to feel where I have let myself go or held myself back,’ I just really connected with this, having recently had this experience and just allowing the healing of feeling where I have let myself go and not react to what I felt. It felt much more womanly than girlie.
This is a great blog on exposing what is truly going on in the world. If what Adrienne has shared was truly understood by all then I can’t help but feel the potential of how humanity could truly be in harmony with each other instead of trying to tear each other down. Thank you Adrienne for sharing.
This is a great sharing of what truly goes on in society however sad that may be. Thanks for taking the time to share this with the world. Hopefully many more women and men will get to read this and be inspired to to be that change the humanity so desperately needs.
I do occasionally forget myself and go into comparative thoughts on meeting women.
I know my lack of self worth is reflected back to her, doing her a great disservice,
forgetting my ” own absolute power and loveliness ” Thanks for the prompt Adrienne.
“Hello comparison — where’s the chocolate/” That is so true! Choosing to be lesser than another, or superior than another, cuts us off from them, and in causing that separation from others we feel separated in ourselves from that warm, homely feeling inside. Then all sorts of behaviours ensue, including comfort from food, to cushion ourselves against the pain, and “hello chocolate”!
I am sure all women know what it feels like to be compared with or to compare, but it is something that is kept at bay and not mentioned between women, yet it is so evidently there and being played out all of the time. It’s great to have a blog that faces this subject – it is very much needed so that we can start to be honest about what’s really going on underneath the smiles and conversations we have.
This is a great article to come back to. It is so true that the power of appreciation can break down any comparison or judgment.
I was inspired by your blog to discuss this subject with an acquaintance, and she understood it perfectly. She actually said that she could feel how crazy it is to behave in comparison and competition, that she’d done this all her life. It really made me feel how I’ve held back in the past by not expressing my truth, thinking someone might judge me to be a little strange. From now, I’m not holding back.
Inspiration and appreciation are so much more than comparison and competition. I love the way you see us blooming as we see each other in appreciation, I can feel that blooming right now inside as I write and appreciate your article and am inspired to feel what is in me is in us all. Groups of women, friends and relatives could feel amazing were they to embrace this, we can start with our example to make the changes.
“REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?” Yes for it is in doing this that we circumvent the need to hold ourselves in comparison with others.
“REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?” … It’s such a shame that when we are very little we know this and live this and yet we lose this sense of ourselves from an early age. We forget this loveliness because others have forgotten theirs and we aren’t shown that our loveliness is ok. We then go into all sorts of comparison and jealousy through lack of self worth and esteem. Personally it’s wonderful to rediscover my worth and gorgeousness and to know that each and every person has the same qualities even if in any particular moment they choose to not express it. Also to know that when I lose it, my loveliness is just beneath the surface. I just have to reconnect to it!
A world I want to live in…thats what I felt when I read your blog. I have only recently been honest about when I have gone into comparison and how I have felt it either build my confidence by belittling others or crushing me because I feel inferior. I am realising that these two scenarios hold no truth, both lead to distraction, separation and lack of true self esteem. There is so much wonderful support and understanding there when we drop this habit and be honest with ourselves. It does all happen in a moment and it takes practice to get out of the habit. It is a wonderful thing to learn, to become free of comparision and great to connect with others in this way.
A few days ago I experienced a flavour of comparrison I hadn’t been completely aware of. Just by the sheer fact of not being 100% ok with myself and where I’m at at in a moment and looking outside of myself at others seeing greener grass (so to speak). This in infact uses comparrison which hurts me and another…even when there wasn’t any conscious thought against another.
It was more feeling they had it more together than I. A type of admiration but not equality = comparrison.
What I also have learnt that feeling like that, and using it as possible ‘motivation’ not only doesn’t get me any further along, in truth slows me down. I’ve really come to feel that it is in appreciating where I am right now that supports a development to be able to feel and appreciate more of me and others.
Well said Ariana – appreciating one another, celebrating and being inspired by each other blooming, knowing that we are equal and we too have the power and ability to bloom is so very different to the comparison and competition that has been going on. Very supportive and inspiring blog.
I love re-reading this article as it offer so much on how we can chose to address comparison.
Comparison is evident on so many levels, absolutely everywhere.
Women seem to be much more vocal when the media tries to sell us ‘the perfect body’ ect. – BUT is it not comparison that feeds the media in the first place?
There is a great need to start from within and on an every day scale.
To be able to connect back to our own self-worth and loveliness means that we have the responsibility to not call in judgement or competition.
It makes so much sense that if we come from a place of love first, then we will be met with that in another.
This is a gorgeous comment, really inspiring to keep the focus on loving the person inside.
As a man, I know that I can have the same inspiration and have in particular felt this with my daughter of late… there is a choice to compare, or to be inspired and they are very different paths to tread. When I connect with her I am inspired to see the bright light of the amazing woman in front of me, and that feels awesome!
That’s beautiful, Simon!
Wow, so beautiful, Simon.
Gorgeous Simon. It is beautiful that you can allow yourself to be inspired by your own daughter.
‘When I am present with myself and hold myself equal to another, then I can fully appreciate our true joint beauty and loveliness together’ – that’s lovely Gill, I find that too!
I feel very inspired by your words, Adrienne, and is so worth coming back to again and again.
Absolutely Ariana – the world would look very different if “comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration”
Adrienne, you have written really clearly about our experiences of the same scenario when we go into comparison and when we stay present. I have felt both situations, one when I compare and my lack of self-worth/self-loathing kicks in and then from that make a never ending spiral of ill choices especially with food, or numbing myself with TV. The other, when I have remained present, I have felt equal and have actually been inspired to make more loving choices for myself. From that point I feel my own beauty and amazingness. So in either case it is a question of the choice to be present and connected to ourselves, or not, that will determine how we feel about everything and everyone around us.
What I find interesting after reading this blog again is that comparison only happens after we have already rejected ourselves or felt down about ourselves. It feels like it could be a distraction from this inner turmoil and a way of avoiding asking the question of why do we not feel great and taking some responsibility for that. But instead we project the cause outside and try to blame another for making us feel worthless. We are in effect blaming another for being themselves!
So true Andrew. What an impactful insight. Really feeling this.
Adrienne, this is a brilliant question “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” I also recognise that ‘hello chocolate vs hello inspiration’ moment where the outcome depends on how my own relationship with myself has been. I can certainly feel that if I know and appreciate my own loveliness and feel content within myself, there is not the need to judge myself by using other women to compare myself with.
It does seem that self appreciation is the key and from there feeling our own loveliness. Self appreciation is like the ballast on a boat that keeps it/us steady!
So simply expressed – I love this blog. It has taken my understanding of judgement, comparison and self-bruising to a deeper level that I was not aware of. It explains why I reacted so negatively recently to walking into a women’s bathroom where women were taking such care and love in preparing themselves for the evening ahead in a way that looked so natural and confident. I felt embarrassed but also went into too much punishment that I should be better at putting on make up, getting ready etc etc by now. How lovely to know that by appreciating myself, who I am, where I am at and allow myself to be truly inspired by what is next, none of these reactions need to occur and I can be free and open to feeling the love that was there. Thank you Adrienne.
“How lovely to know that by appreciating myself, who I am, WHERE I AM AT and allow myself to be truly inspired by WHAT IS NEXT, none of these reactions need to occur and I can be free and open to feeling the love that was there.” Totally feeling this – acceptance is a big one for me. This is such a beautiful reminder about the journey. THANK YOU.
Upon reading some of the comments here it has reminded me of how competition and comparison hold sway in our society, used lovelessly as a way of bettering ourselves. That is, putting oneself ahead of others without regard for the whole. I have deeply felt the hurt of this and can say that I had participated in this. I am very appreciative of being in a position now to understand the harm of this to myself and others.
Hi Adrienne, this morning re-reading your blog I can feel every word very deeply. I can feel the fine line between the two behaviours and the need to ‘nip it in the bud’ and how we can choose to appreciate ourselves rather than wallow in old patterns of misery fuelled by comparison. Where we are now is totally the result of our choices, no-one else is to blame, and where we go next is totally up to us to choose. When I am down, I need to remember that nothing outside of myself is going to clear up the mess I am in, it is totally my responsibility to choose the love, harmony, stillness and joy that is always there patiently awaiting my re-connection to the beautiful woman I am.
I know feeling good about myself is key. when I feel good, I don’t compare myself with others so much or get those negative thoughts. If I am feeling down then comparisons and negative thoughts are very much present. Appreciating myself is something I have been practicing lately and it really does switch my focus and make me aware of all the great things about me.
I can definitely relate to what you’ve shared Debra – how I am with other women very much depends on how I feel about myself at that present time.
Thank you Adrienne. This last week I got to notice quite strongly how competition affects my own relationship with my sister. The feelings of one of us as ‘better than’ the other, the games to try to up each other. They were all so subtle that if you mentioned it to most people they would just laugh it off and say ‘well that’s just family, you’re being too sensitive’. However i could feel the insidiousness of it, and how bad it left me feeling. It created a tension that felt horrible and was just not necessary. Now I can ponder and reflect on this situation and begin to unravel why it is that I compare myself in this way, or when it is that I buy into the game playing of competition. At what point did I decide that I wasn’t okay as I am, and what point did I decide that she wasn’t okay as she is? This state of being does not nurture love and kindness, does not honour either of us, does not foster appreciation or inspiration.
It’s great to read your comment Janine, I can really relate to what you have written about you and your sister, ‘At what point did I decide that I wasn’t okay as I am, and what point did I decide that she wasn’t okay as she is? This state of being does not nurture love and kindness, does not honour either of us, does not foster appreciation or inspiration.’ reading this makes me aware that I don’t accept my sister as she is, I have thought that I can’t because there were things that needed changing before I could accept and appreciate her, but writing this makes me realise how absurd that is and it feels beautiful to just accept her as she is and to love and appreciate her and that she doesn’t have to be a certain way for me to do this – how simple and loving.
Great to expose the pandemic of ‘sibling rivalry’. I remember this with my brother, and as you say its a sort of generally accepted thing that happens in families. However, my experience was that it hurts and it would drive me to be something else than just me…
This is so huge hey. Imagine the momentum that could exist (will exist) when people inspire off each other rather than slump into comparison. I know first hand that smallness and contraction that resonates through my body as I start to compare…the way I check out instantly as I realise I have made myself less to numb the pain I think is coming. When in reality I induce the pain to myself as I beat myself down. Particularly in close relations I typically hold others above me, but as this beautiful blog highlights these patterns are done with. Looking at my honest choices and holding myself as the amazing dude I am is a sure fire way to enjoy someone feeling amazing too…how awesome.
Adrienne I say it every time I read your blogs but you have an amazing way of writing that inspires me and at the same time asks me to look at my life but always from a very loving way. This blog is no exception, comparison and competition between women is everywhere and is fuelled by the press and TV. When we forget our own preciousness our own amazingness then it is so easy to start to look out side ourselves and compare what we have to another, such a great reminder to come back to ourselves and to appreciate who we are and what we bring.
I absolutely loved this sharing Adrienne, there is so much solid truth within your writing that has a way of just lovingly holding you in it while you receive the understanding through the words expressed. The true essence of the woman in her stillness at work, holding everyone equally as the wisdom is shared and every woman has/is that when allowed to just be her natural self without the impositions from society or of our own making with comparison to another in all its disempowering ways/angles.
Your sharing is so needed and necessary to light the spark within us and bring us glorious women/men back to our most natural way, as the loving, amazing and tender beings that we most definitely are.
Julie Chung
In the past I have had glimpses of what comparison looks and feels like in myself towards others and also receiving this from others. Both feel awful and isolating to experience. Recently though I am feeling more how comparison is happening all the time and feels like as women we are constantly throwing miniature arrows at each other! And for what or who? if we are comparing to another we are left feeling better or less than another and if we are compared to it is then likely we will dull down or make excuses for our loveliness we are feeling to not disturb another. Both are detrimental to ourselves and also EVERYONE else. I know I have been in both situations. What I am realising more is when I am appreciating and valuing all I am and bring, comparison cannot exist, it has no power over me or anyone else who makes the same choice to live in this way. Being with other women is then inspiring as we can all celebrate what we bring and grow together. This is true power. Thank you Adrienne for a timely sharing.
Beautiful Julie, its very true, when we really connect to just how gorgeous we are and allow this to be seen, then comparison simply cannot exist in such an environment. It is so glorious when women come together and truly love and appreciate one another, because we are all so beautiful.
Love it Julie. I too have been noticing how comparison plays out between women in almost every conversation, and as you have perfectly described it ‘feels like as women we are constantly throwing miniature arrows at each other!’
Adrienne, your article asks such a great question….’Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?’….and shows us how possible it is,to turn the comparison between women on its head and into inspiration-brilliant!
Your comment ‘could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness’ is so beautiful. When we connect to our own loveliness, the beauty naturally shines out and nothing else is needed.
Having the opportunity to read and re-read ‘turning comparison into inspiration’ is a wonderful awareness to have all the time. The shared comments are so very supportive and confirming.
I feel that too Sandra.
I really love your sharing Adrienne thank you.
To read and share about the harm of comparison which we can all feel and is horrible .Whereas it is so beautiful to feel the joy and expansion of living from inspiration and appreciation.The only way to be is lovingly.
There is a very supportive use of comparison – when we reflect on what has changed in our lives. When we can look back and appreciate that now, we take more care of ourselves and others than we did 2 years ago.
But the type of comparison that is harmful – is when we compare to those around us – as a way of keeping us down or making us feel better.
It’s become very apparent to me that this form is only harmful. I welcome more appreciation.
A few years ago it would never have occurred to me that comparison would be so destructive as I was brought up with it and remember even as a teenager comparing myself against my sisters, friends and even women I did not know and it was all based on how someone looked or what body shape they had. These days I look at myself very differently and have more appreciation for my body shape and the things that used to bother me no longer do.
Absolutely beautiful Adrienne, I can so relate to everything you have shared here. As I was reading I was also pondering on how many of us women, will make ourselves feel and ‘be’ that little bit less, dumb down our light just a few notches, so that we don’t feel the sting of the comparison and jealousy that might play out with another. I could feel while reading your article what a true service it is to another woman, to ourselves and to everyone when we don’t dull ourselves down, when we stay open in our beauty and grace, thus letting our mothers, sisters, girlfriends, female colleagues, aunties have a reflection of their own loveliness.
It seems to me that when we dull ourselves down and thus dismiss our true loveliness what we do is perpetuate the whole cycle of comparison, whereas if we do choose to meet another in our beauty, we are making a powerful choice to arrest comparison — and that is something so beautiful to dedicate ourselves to.
Great point Katerina, I know I sometimes ‘dull down’ in order to not to make someone else feel uncomfortable. And as you point out this is also so I don’t have to deal with the jealousy coming at me.
“Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” I see that in myself when I notice me comparing myself with others. For many years I let the self doubt and not good enough stuff rule me, so comparison was insidious and sneaky, almost automatic – because I had let it (chose it) in order to feel safe (lesser) where I was, although it felt horrible. Realising this behaviour was crazy I now catch it when I feel ii raising its head again – a work in progress, as they say. I can now choose to be inspired by others amazingness and enjoy that reflection and evolve with my own amazingness – or continue down my old path which only leads to lack of self-worth and low self esteem. A no- brainer.
I like your comment Sue – that the realisation does not suddenly make everything better as we still have the choice to wonder down our usual path (to feeling bad about ourselves), but there is now the choice to try the path less travelled that leads to an appreciation of everything we can bring and the true opportunity to change.
Adrienne this makes me look at the same or similar situations with Men, where competition is celebrated as part of life. I do it every day. I wonder just how the world would be if Men also started to appreciate and see the tenderness in other men rather than trying to out-do and beat each other. It feels like it would be so much simpler than the way I have things setup at the moment when i ignore it is there.
Adrienne, once again an absolute beauty of a blog! I love the connection between comparison and chocolate – perhaps as I have not eaten chocolate for a while this is why I am so aware of how much I tend to compare myself recently, how interesting. I love how you’ve given us the opportunity the grow from this, inspirational indeed, thank you
So true Rachel. A beautiful opportunity to grow in inspiration for each other.
The more I feel into “appreciating the absolute preciousness and amazingness of me, the more I see these qualities in everyone I meet.
The “loveliness” of you shines through your blog Adrienne
“When comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.”
To be inspired by someone is beautiful, it confirms the person who is inspiring you and it opens yourself up to more, being all that you are. It’s not exclusive like comparison but by it’s very nature includes all. That is the beauty, it takes nothing away, only gives.
The “choice to remember” is sooo very simple and the truth.
Thank you
I absolutely love your blog Adrienne – you wrote it in such simplicity. It would be nice if every teacher use it in their class room – for me that would be a nice thing to learn.
I completely agree Ester.
That is an amazing suggestion Ester, it would be amazing to learn while we are growing up, discovering not only just how beautiful we are, but how to appreciate and enjoy others in their beauty. True psychology in action.
Definitely Ester, because currently comparison isn’t really addressed, but if it were talked about as a normal part of school, perhaps that would help to dissipate it.
You are right Rebecca, comparison is toxic but it is rarely addressed. It is the problems that we try to find solutions for not the cause of the problems. If comparison was addressed in schools bullying would be a thing of the past.
i love your blog Adrienne. it’s got me pondering about what beliefs did I take on that had/ have me go into comparison rather than inspiration.
I think I grew up with a belief that what you are born with is unchangeable, you are stuck with being you and you wasn’t celebrated. I heard many a female relative judge another woman (she is pretty, she is plain, she is smart etc) and once judged, that seemed to be the final verdict until a woman aged and lost her beauty. There is the option of trying to better yourself like your intelligence, excelling at something or other and being a nicer person, but even then there’s a limit. Physically you’re even more stuck with what you’ve got. So inspiration was unheard of let alone being an option. All pretty set up to compete and compare.
But what I’m seeing in the women I am being inspired by is, it isn’t the superficial stuff that we’re talking about, so I can just let go of all that completely (what a relief!) I am seeing in all these amazing women who are connecting to their inner beauty that they all have an inner beauty that is equally as gorgeous. It’s this connection that I can feel as it emanates out. I felt this and got to thinking, perhaps I too have this.
It is the choice that I can make to connect to my inner beauty. It is up to me to look after myself with tenderness and love and express this with others. When I don’t I can either compare myself, trying to convince myself that, like the beliefs I held growing up, I cannot change. Or I can be inspired by the beautiful women who are making loving choices for themselves. The former doesn’t hold water anymore. I’ll go for being inspired even if there is the ouch of being honest about choices that weren’t self-loving. I am beginning to appreciate connecting to my inner beauty is worth it. I am worth it.
Great points Karin – i saw a product the other day called ‘Divine Youth Serum’ and it made me realise how much we hold beauty to be about youth not ageing, and why we avoid ageing so strenuously – because it is beauty-less. Comparing youth with age, and age with beauty, is a prison we are breaking free of too. So many women (and men) are showing that ageing and beauty are not mutually exclusive, but that beauty is ageless and it is the result of all our choices to fall deeply, drenchingly in love with ourselves…or not.
So very true Adrienne and Karin. Sometimes I am blown away by the beauty in older women, because they exude a grace and confidence that can only come from years of living these qualities. It is very inspiring and I know that as I grow older and my appearance changes, it is going to reflect all the qualities I have lived in my life. I know that whatever I look like my body will simply reflect how much I have and do love myself. It is this that we truly respond to, as inner love has no other option than to flow out and drench those around us too.
Yes it is like saying don’t or you can’t accept yourself as who you are because that is impossible, have all these beauty products first and then it might be possible!
Great to read Karin, this was also my experience, ‘I grew up with a belief that what you are born with is unchangeable, you are stuck with being you and you wasn’t celebrated.’ It feels amazing to know that that it isn’t all about ‘superficial stuff” and that we can all connect to our inner beauty and inspire each other rather than be in competition with each other and that we are enough being us and that we are worth celebrating.
Rebecca I reaaly feel the connection to our choice to ‘celebarting’ who we are, and not relying/waitng for confirmation from others. Thank you
You are absolutely worth it.
What a beautiful freeing choice and gift you offer us with your blog Adrienne. Thank you for this and for your elegant choice of words. Comparison is such a cunning way to keep us women all down. And what a waste of energy! If I choose to be with myself, see myself, appreciate myself and allow another woman to inspire something I am as well, and choices I can also make, it makes life so gorgeously simple. I love it.
Hi Adrienne, this is a great blog, with the potential to turn comparison on its head. I will be taking the ‘Hello Inspiration’ with me into my day and use the inspiration you have expressed here to use comparison to truly feel the choices I have made. Thank you.
This is a really lovely article Adrienne, I loved reading ‘we get to see and feel each other blooming, knowing we share that same blooming power too, equally, in all our different bodies, ages and lives.’ very inspiring.
Thank you Adrienne for a great blog. ALL women are equally beautiful, exquisite and divine and comparison is a very ugly energy that makes us less, separated from each other and brings lack of self worth-ness. If we choose love for all our sisters then comparison and competition evaporates.
So true Maryline – the only ugly thing is the energy some of us allow through our beings to make us think we are ugly….
Very true Ariana, we all need to get this.
“This is so totally bang on. It feels like one of the biggest cycles we need to break. I was raised around people constantly measuring others and themselves against them. It was all about what people thought about us, with loads of pretending and keeping up appearances and an unhealthy interest in the minutiae of others’ lives and looks. ‘Letting yourself go’ was (is) held up as the ultimate trap to avoid. To measure up to the family standard I was often told I was ‘in good shape’ or ‘looking good’, not maliciously but certainly as a feeding of the momentum to ‘measure up’.
It is clear to me now that all the comments and judgement and measuring of others was really a judgement of self: a separation from love and truth. A cycle repeating itself from the generation before and the one before that. Noone having been accepted and celebrated in all their amazing-ness. Time to break the cycle. One woman at a time = many. I am on it
Thank you for this beautiful post and these inspiring comments.
You’re right Brendan, it does make the world of difference.
I love your blog Adrienne; I do wonder what the world would look like if us women did not approach each other already looking for something to compare and compete in, and always belittling ourselves just because another woman has ‘better legs’, or ‘nicer hair’… These markers of being ‘better’ are truly very petty, when you consider how absolutely incredible women are and how loving and adoring they can be to themselves and one another.
I agree it would be really something if we could all accept each other for who we are instead.
Agreed Susie, there is another way for women to relate and be with each other. It feels so refreshing when we drop the comparison and appreciate each other for who we are. We can all shine! I love your word ‘adoring’. How different the world would be and feel if women adored each other and also adored themselves.
I agree, it would shape humanity all over again if women were not to judge others before they even talk to them.
So true Ben. It was lovely going on public transport today and just allowing myself to appreciate rather than compare. It felt really lovely and what a relief, no competition!
Yes it would break down any walls and we’d be so much more open. Thanks Ben.
Lovely comment Suzie. The world would be the most amazing place to be if all women would just be their true beautiful, tender, amazing, loving and caring selves and men would feel that they are in heaven !
I agree Susie, if women were to truly honour themselves, care deeply for themselves, adore themselves and then share that beauty they feel, rather than cutting down someone else’s beauty, the relationships we have as women would be very different.
Our relationships would be extremely different indeed Meg!
Very true Meg, we would then be open to a true connection and one that holds no issues whatsoever.
Yes, they’d be so supportive and nurturing of one another. The whole of humanity would be a completely different phenomenon, a world expressing harmony and love. Now that’s worth me dealing with my stuff and letting go of my comparisons and lack of self- worth!
I noticed that Susie used the word ‘already’ in “what the world would look like if us women did not approach each other already looking for something to compare and compete in”. And this is spot on. We are already set for action prior to us picking our target to compare with. In effect it has nothing to do with what we end up comparing – when we are on the hunt for comparing our self we are perfectly capable of being creative in finding things – if someone tries to help us by talking us out of what we have focused on we can go “yeah but …” and find another reason, – have you noticed this? So Susie’s comment and Adrienne’s question seem very apt. “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” Yes it certainly can.
Well said Susie, this is so true.
this is a brilliant blog, and one I will share with my friends and colleagues. I love your playful take on something that feels so ugly and brutal, and a loving reminder that when we feel comparison and jealousy it just means we are missing our connection to our beautiful divine selves – HELLO INSPIRATION thank you Adrienne!
Vanessa we get to share it with our friends, families and colleagues too every time we find ourselves in a moment of comparison and allow ourselves to feel and be honest about what is really going on.
Thank you Adrienne, comparison is so prominent in many exchanges between women, you have outlined so well how to transform this negativity into something amazing
Yes Jessica, nothing is bigger than us.
Such a brilliant pin-pointing of the moment when we can either slippery-slope ourselves into comparison or choose to see the reflection being provided from an equal, non-judging standpoint. Critical here is to be able to catch yourself choosing to drop down from the amazing woman you are and put yourself at ‘less than’, or when choosing to go into arrogance to enjoy ‘better than’ at the other’s expense. My homework here is to hold that knowing of how precious and totally enough I am, in each moment, so that the insidious she-devil, Comparison, can’t get a foothold. Thanks for nailing it, Adrienne.
Cathy I love the slippery slope comment – we can lose our balance, our sure footing, whenever we wobble about who we are in the face of another being in the fullness of who they are. When we doubt our own equalness everything slides.
Thank you Adrienne for expressing with such clarity something that we all experience. Starting with the awareness of comparison and allowing ourselves to truly feel how this is so destructive, and then with help of esoteric practitioners looking at it clearly in the face we can begin to see that it is holding us back from ourselves as well as the other person.
When we can realise that ‘we have forgotten our own loveliness ‘ and that is what is blocking us from the appreciation of another woman’ beauty it offers a more loving way than denying the beauty within and beating ourselves up.
An inspiring blog, and one that will support women and men to explore their own natural beauty that is innate and connects us to the beauty in others. It is amazing when we are feeling our own beauty and connected to that how we see the whole world in such a different way – a way that is all embracing and encompassing.
Beautiful Sue, we do have to deny our beauty and worth and amazingness to be able to find something to beat ourselves up about and so it makes sense that addressing the denial changes how we see everything. How amazing are we?
What an empowering take on comparison and competition.- Thankyou so much Adrienne. “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” – So inspiring. This is an issue I have been dealing with for quite a while – I now have a new way to deal with it. Acceptance and appreciation is the way forward .
There is so much for us to accept and appreciate Sue, once we turn our gaze inward instead of using it to constantly measure up.
Thank you Adrienne. Comparison with another is so self-destructive as it eats away at your own self-esteem. Learning to accept and appreciate myself and everyone else for who and what we are is such a relief and lifting a weight off my shoulders.
Yes Mary, comparison feels like a symptom of the eating away illness of our own lack of self worth and lack of appreciation of our loveliness and power.
Jane, so true, it was a revelation when Jenny, Mary-Louise and Rebecca presented the ugly, un-talked about, practice of comparison to a group of women…. there has been a mould we’ve lived under that is now cracked wide open by our awareness of comparison, naming and noticing the suffocating effect it has had on us all and understanding that things can be very blooming different when we allow ourselves to appreciate, enjoy, and as James N said, give space to each other.
True Michelle, it is so ingrained that we don’t even notice it happening. It is like a whole game is going on, we’re playing it, but we don’t realise it. Great to lift the lid on what we’ve been involved in and see it clearly.
Age old it is Ariana and it has no place in the agelessness we come from….is comparison a form of alzheimer’s, where we forget not people, places or things, but us, who we really are?
Thankyou Adrienne, I also found this article and the comments, very inspiring – to see we all share this same monster, and it is really only a shadow to show us we are not feeling our own loveliness and amazingness in that moment – what a great reminder.
Monsters and Shadows – well said Debra…they are magnified when we think we are the only one experiencing them and mostly we don’t like to talk or think about it. It makes sense though that if we are all equally amazing then we are all faced with the choice to simply let ourselves be that or not, and when we choose not, we need to find tools to keep us not amazing and whella, hello comparison – the monster we all share when we’re choosing to be not who we are.
Thank you Adrienne for such a beautiful light filled sharing. The re-framing of what is usualy a hidden reaction feels very real and simple in “could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness”?
So simple to gently remind ourselves this.
True Sandra, it is usually hidden and that seems to give it more free reign…talking freely about it, even just to ourselves as it happens, begins to dissolve the stigma of feeling we shouldn’t be experiencing comparison and allows us to flip-flop it as Lucy said into an offering of seeing where we have abandoned ourselves and own amazingness.
What a great way to look at comparison – ‘Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?’ So instead of feeling embarrassed or ‘less than,’ its a reminder that we too are lovely.
Comparison as a reminder that we too are lovely – so true Deb.
This way of dealing with comparison brings a light to this issue Adrienne. The opposite of not speaking about it, about feeling embarrassed about it as Debra said, which only makes it bigger.
Wow Adrienne! I could feel myself do a (metaphorical) flip-flop reading this. It’s so simple now you have said it, but I haven’t before been able to see so clearly that I can turn comparison into inspiration by realising it’s nothing to do with the amazing woman in front of me and everything to do with forgetting that I am equally as amazing if I just let myself feel it. I am feeling hugely inspired – by You. It’s a beautiful feeling. Thank you for sharing the view from where you stand – it’s stunning.
Lucy I love the ‘flip-flop’ – like a double take! Beautiful indeed.
I noticed how beautiful a woman looked in the toilet at my local supermarket recently. I told her that she looked lovely and since reading this article have realised what played out afterwards. At first she accepted the compliment and said not many people say things like that these days, then she started to put herself down by saying stuff like “I’m surprised I look this good, it’s been a long day”, etc. and a thought crossed my mind about my appearance, but I felt so lovely, that it stayed just a thought and I didn’t allow it to continue into a self-destructive pattern.
Natalie, amazing to read what you share….how we can be so entrenched in holding ourselves as worthless or ugly or silly, that when someone sees us as we are (and deep down know we are), without appreciation we ultimately need to brush it away. Is this us comparing ourselves to an inner ideal that won’t allow for anything less than perfection?
This is such a inspiring, playful and profoundly freeing article. Thank you Adrienne. I have recently been very aware of the difference between the moments when I am scrutinizing another woman and marking myself against what I see, to the moments when I witness the gorgeousness of that woman and feel joyful that she is in my life and in my world. In the second I am sometimes inspired towards making choices to build those qualities in myself and sometimes I have no interest in developing those qualities but none-the-less appreciate it in her. And yes it does seem the difference in those moments is how I am feeling about myself.
I loved reading in your open sentences “Could comparison be a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness?” It made it so simple. THANK YOU.
I recall a few months ago I felt millions of miles away from being able to accept and appreciate my loveliness. I used Our Cycles app for support. It has a list of very loving, supportive and confirming feelings – allowing us to pick any that reflects our day. It was an amazing daily ritual for a few weeks for me to sit and do a stock-take of how I actually felt. The presentation and the list itself seemed to nudge me into a realisation that even on the worst days I did feel some loveliness. The app was an awesome support, even partially used, during that period for me. Well recommended to everyone for keep us “remembering our loveliness”.
Golnaz that is a great reminder about the Our Cycles App and how it can support the way of appreciation that can be so foreign to us. Your word, scrutinising , is a powerful one – it feels so fast, all-encompassing, judgemental, assessing, cold, hard, feelingless – all of which comparison is, and brings into us whenever we play with it.
Women can certainly be their own worst critics. That is self criticism, and criticizing other women. There is absolutely a loving approach we can start to live here. The simple change of being inspired rather than compared can make a huge difference.
Agreed. The inner critic is sharp, cold and relentless and it is like acid inside and outside of us. It cannot survive in an alkaline environment of appreciation and the acceptance of how truly gorgeous we are, and have always been.
Adrienne, this article and all the comments are so very inspiring. It is removing a veil and exposing what is going on behind all the comparison and competition and showing us all that there is a choice that we make in that split second that you talk about. It has given me a deeper level of understanding and I feel more prepared to deal with it the next time this comes up.
It is going to keep coming up Doug as you say but its not something to be ashamed of but noticed instead and each time it does we are offered a moment to be more instead of less of who we are. It feels like appreciation is a great preparation for turning comparison on its head.
Thank you Adrienne for highlighting this comparison conundrum we’ve all felt. I have felt comparison both ways from me to another, and from another to me ( at different times)and it feels awful.The way you likened comparison energy as entering whenever “we have forgotten our own loveliness” is very helpful to me.I know which I prefer, being hugely inspired by another rather than beating myself up for not being enough.
Comparison is a conundrum Sue – it doesn’t make sense, like Andrew said, its ridiculous, but it has thrived under a veil that we are all lifting here now and every time it comes up to be seen, known and undone.
Thanks Adrienne for exposing the ridiculousness of the fact that when we meet another person and we feel or register how amazing or warm or loving or calm their presence is that we immediately assume that we are not that also. If we are all human beings who have a divine spark of life within how can we not be equally amazing?
Great question Andrew. What you say makes me feel how much engagements with other people are entered into with a fight or flightness going on – a measuring of how powerful someone is in comparison to ourselves instead of a registering of the degree to which they have connected to and allowed themselves to be in the fullness of themselves, a fullness – a spark – equally residing in us all whenever we choose to activate it.
Absolutely spot on Andrew. Being all divine sparks makes us all equal and comparison goes out of the window.
So true Andrew. I love your comment. truly unifying and it exposes how nonsensical the whole comparison game is.
Very well said Andrew – it is indeed ridiculous that when we meet someone who we feel is loving, we automatically see ourselves as less and them as ‘better’ or ‘superior’.
What an amazing way of looking at comparison, and how inspiring to know we can choose something positive from it instead of falling into the age old trap of negativity for each and all!
Thank you Adrienne. The comparison and competition nut is a great one to crack. We can allow this to get in the way of so many beautiful relationships and use it as an excuse to feel bad about ourselves instead of feeling our own beauty in equallness to all. I have realised that as I appreciate myself more I am more able to naturally appreciate and be inspired by other women as opposed to falling into the trap of judgement and criticism which feels so ugly. As we lovingly embrace our selves as the beautiful women we are we open the potential to embrace all women in the same loving way.
It really does begin with us embracing ourselves Beverley.
A truly beautiful article just lovely
Thank you Adrienne this is such an inspiring call to turnaround the insidious nature of comparison and prevent the damage it does to everyone caught up in it. Recognising there is a choice to appreciate another woman’s amazingness as an opportunity to recognise my own rather than to feel less and beat myself up is something that has been a revelation to me. The ‘blooming’ power that we could all bring to the world is so needed and we each have a choice to contribute in every moment.
Helen there is something in the word ‘blooming’ that feels so wonderful and rich and free, the opposite to the tight, poisonous prison of comparison. it is time to enjoy and appreciate our selves, to celebrate the gorgeousness of each other as a matter of course not a rarity reserved for special occasions, but every day, whenever we feel it, see it, know it in ourselves or another.
I agree Adrienne, your use of the word ‘blooming’, Helen, is awesome, the strength and power each and everyone of us carries and can be to the world is huge no matter who we are, and it all starts with appreciating and celebrating who we are.
Thank you sharing Adrienne, I as a man can fully relate to what you are saying. Competition amongst men is everywhere and it is amazing to begin to let that go and instead of trying to compete or out-do other men actually appreciate what they bring. I agree it feels awful the games both men and women play to out-do each other, all so we do not have to feel where we are at. It can be soo hard to allow someone their moment in the spot light, they may be sharing something which to them is an amazing achievement or something special for another person to then essentially play a top trump and you can feel the person being crushed. I have played this game, and catch myself at times playing it, and can see it going on we with soo many interactions between people regardless of their gender. When we truly appreciate another, give them their time and space, not only do they get a huge blessing and can feel they are valued but we do as well as we get to see and learn from them.
Beautifully said James….when we allow another their moment in the spot light….giving them their time and space….it is a blessing all round as we get to feel the timeless spaciousness in ourselves that is there in the absence of us working at conjuring up a trump card to ‘win’ or come out better.
Hi Adrienne, thank you so much for writing this. I completely agree. In my experience, comparison comes from self criticising thoughts which are very good at tearing apart great relationships.
Shami, you raise a great point about how comparison harms all round, how it destroys and then builds false confidence on the rubble of cutting another down whenever we go from comparison to the activity of jealousy – lessening another by finding fault with them so we feel better.
I love love love the way you write Adrienne, very loving and truly powerful. Comparison and competition can happen in a split second and because I know it is ugly and not needed I have in the past tried to ignore it, pretending it does not exist, but I am only really fooling myself as it is felt by the other person. I recognise the crushing feeling and the self bashing that just compounds the problem rather than being honest and saying I can feel I have just gone into comparison to someone that has made different and more loving choices. As soon as I make the choice to turn it around and allow myself to see other women as an inspiration then the feeling of being lesser disappears. Appreciation is the key for me, learning to appreciate myself instead of self loathing and self bashing has allowed me to begin to appreciate other women and how awesome we all really are.
Alison that is so inspiring…from denying to inspiring, via appreciation.
This is great article expressing the harm of comparison but also a tool that we can use to enable ourselves to identify a hurt that we still hold and is unresolved. This applies equally for men and as women. Thank you, Adrienne, for sharing and your honesty that shines through the article and your comments, for it is only through such honesty can the reflection of comparison be the tool to heal.
Spot on Jonathan the hurts we carry feel like they are fed by comparison, but, as you say, we can use this a tool for pinpointing what is unresolved in us…and ready to be healed…whenever comparison comes around.
Thank you Adrienne for making the choice so clear – comparison or inspiration.
Wow this is so to the point! Thank you Adrienne you have simply given us the answer to comparison = inspiration! We can choose to go into feeling less = hello chocolate or we can choose to hold ourselves equally and feel inspired. The wisdom in your words is simply profound.
Awesome nutshell Samantha.
Amazing blog Adrienne. It does feel so good when we allow ourselves to see the beauty in others instead of going into the jealousy. The simple act of appreciating other women actually connects me more to my own inner beauty. The comparison is quite ugly and simply makes me feel smaller and actually less attractive.
Yes Rebecca – this is about size! Comparison is a shot of ‘small and ugly’ if ever there was one, when here we all are, amazing, limitless and gorgeous beings.
Another beautiful sharing thank you Adrienne. It is great to be reminded that comparison can be, ‘a reminder that we have forgotten our own loveliness’ and ‘it stops us from making it about the other woman – the one we are comparing ourselves to – and becomes solely about the relationship we have with ourselves.’ So true, it brings it back to our responsibility, to love and appreciate ourselves for the amazing and precious beings we are.
Absolutely Lorraine – we get to enjoy the us we’ve ignored or kept at bay with the distraction of comparison.
Thank you so much Adrienne for bringing this Comparison business out in the open for discussion. I am touched by your honesty especially in the comments section where you are really saying what is happening to you now. You are admitting it is still around and I for one have to agree that Comparison has been with me a long time and I want to knock it out as it feels like poison in my body when I go into comparison.
I love the bit about the ‘split second’ where we get to feel another persons choices and also our own choices. That split second can crush us and send us off on one where we go spiralling down even more into our self-loathing or we use it as a ‘make another choice and get back on track’ moment. I have done both and the latter works and it brings a new quality to me and my body that I can build on slowly step by step.
Bina what you share makes me wonder how much I use comparison as a way to anchor myself with the heaviness it brings – being able to use it as a re-set moment instead feels very accepting and part of saying YES to a different quality in my body – clear, light, open, free – to build and grow instead.
Thank you Adrienne. This is perfect.
I was just realising while I thought I was working on this very subject, but in fact what I was doing was just a refined version of honing my craft of outdoing the others, as if self-worth and self-love were something that can be achieved in certain types of activities. It is simply the quality I continuously re-connect to, live and develop.
Fumiyo that is so true – outdoing to not ever have to come out less in the comparison stakes….we, and the world, miss out on who we really are until we stop playing the game of trying to be perfect and be ourselves instead.
Interesting observation Fumiyo. Something I recognise and have played,tricking myself that I’m not. Playing the snakes and ladders game of higher and lower making myself feel better rather than equal.
Something we all do so well explained!
Absolutely Kate; one might say we are experts at comparing ourselves to other women.
Adrienne, I love what you’ve written, that in that moment when we feel comparison we can feel our own amazingness while feeling the choices another has made rather than beating up on ourselves – I’ve often gotten caught in the lack of self worth at that moment and in that beat up on myself and it’s a great reflection you offer that this can offer an opportunity for inspiration, and thus a way out of the trap of comparison. I’d never truly seen it like that before, so thank you.
Beautiful Monica – comparison offers us a moment to appreciate or decimate ourselves and each other.
So inspiring and so needed Adrienne . We as women are plagued with jealousy and comparison. When it rears its ugly head in me it feels really awful. I am beginning to call it out now when I feel it and look deeper. A work in progress but worth the work. As Janet says it is a reflection of our own lack of self worth and rarely the other woman. We have so much to learn from each other as equal sisters each with our own unique talents and gifts.
Anne-Marie, yes, equal sisters with so much to learn, enjoy, notice, celebrate and share with each other. We have such power within us that comparison plugs and when we remove that self inflicted stopper, wow, there we are!
So true Anne Marie. When we are open to learning from each other our relationships can only blossom.
Great article Adrienne bringing up the importance of what happens when we go into comparison and jealously and why and how we can turn this around lovingly.
This is a real gift for all women to realise and start to appreciate themselves and build self worth, rather than come from the lack of it all the time and the resulting behaviours.
Thank you for offering such a simple learning as a way forward with honesty and love.
Tricia it feels super important – like a loose thread that when pulled unravels a whole pattern of being hidden beneath the surface of our daily interactions and, as you say, to turn around lovingly.
Hi Adrienne, I love this article, so clear and inspiring and as everyone else has said a great turnaround for those painful comparison moments, when they rear their ugly heads — and always an indication that we have lost touch with appreciation of our own beauty and worth. Yes, it is very healing to be bringing comparison out into the open and speaking about it, and you have such a light touch in your writing.
Josephine it seems like comparison is a spell we fall under when we choose to ignore or brush off our own equal beauty, worth and power. It’s time to break the spell and see ourselves and each other clearly – bringing it out into the open as you so beautifully say.
Blooming lovely, Adrienne, thank you!
Ha ha – lovely Bernadette.
A inspiring sharing, thank you Adrienne, what a difference we as women could make in the world just by seeing and being in equality with amazingness.
Susan you’ve hit the nail on the head…comparison keeps us busy being small when we could be sharing with the world the beauty and power of the inspiration we naturally, equally are.
Thank you, Adrienne. It is wonderful to bring comparison out in the open more, and call it for what it is – an absolute lack of honouring of oneself, calling in a destructive energy that wipes out anything we are developing and building upon in our relationship with ourselves. It is never really about the other woman, as you say, and your blog helps bring more awareness to what it is all about in truth.
Janet this is so true – it is not about the other woman it is always about us and the quality of the relationship we are developing (or destroying), nurturing (or numbing), accepting (or rejecting) with our very powerful selves.
Yes Janet…as we start to know it for what it is, ‘a destructive energy that wipes out anything we are developing and building upon in our relationship with ourselves’, we can begin to see how we use it to do exactly this, instead of continuing to develop and know the power we equally are – like an internal game of snakes and ladders we play to our own, and the great detriment of all.
Adrienne this is SO inspiring and so healing with the awareness of another way to be with ourselves and other women especially. I love the way you ‘bring it home’ with your words – “Hello comparison… where’s the chocolate”? and about our choices “Hello inspiration!” Thank you!
Stephanie we could all tailor the hello to fit our own ways…Corn Chips are what i will find myself saying hello to, but if not them I can also say hello to scrubbing the floor or cleaning crazily – anything to avoid feeling the discomfort comparison brings to my body and the abuse it allows in my relationship with myself. The choice to say hello to something more instead of something less feels amazing all round.
So true Adrienne, we have many ways of distracting ourselves from really feeling the true effect of the comparison or jealously we have just generated. When we really choose to love and celebrate another, there is nothing to avoid!
I loved reading your article Adrienne. I can really relate to what you say here, I have felt crushed by my own lack of self-worth when I have judged myself less than another, but have also felt the lovely moments of feeling inspired by another woman stepping up and expressing her beauty – I know which I prefer to feel! I love how you’ve expressed so clearly and accurately how just in a split second we can feel the loving choices made by other women and how we can let the crushing energy of comparison in or choose the appreciation of another and being inspired rather than crushed. Beautifully expressed – thank you
Heather – yes, it feels like when we can’t accept the loveliness and power in ourselves, we equally can’t appreciate it in another…but when we begin to allow ourselves to know ourselves from the amazingness we are, inspiration is not only welcome it is part of the way we come to discover and unfold ever more of who we are.
Very true, once we can accept that we are as beautiful as the woman we have been comparing ourselves to, it begins an amazing process of us discovering and treasuring a true beauty within us, that often we had no idea was there, because we got so caught into comparison and jealously. Completely ludicrous behaviour that simple serves to keep us going around in a futile loop of comparison, jealously and competition when we could be busy discovering the real treasures inside us and celebrating them together.
Another beautifully written reflection Adrienne. Understanding comparison and competition as a ‘symptom of forgetting ourselves’ is a powerful support and reminder to connect back to myself and close the door or opening for the damaging untruths of ‘less than’ to enter and reside. Love, love, love your expression. Thank you.
Bernadette, your comment on comparison as a door we choose to open is so true. Being aware of when I find my hand on that handle poised to turn it, knowing there is a choice to step into that room or step back, understanding what is going on and step up instead to the inspiration and appreciation that is on offer.
Yes I also agree with you here Bernadette about ‘comparison being the symptom of forgetting ourselves’ – so true Adrienne what you share here. For if we remember and pay attention to us, focus on and accept our greatness, then we can spot and truly appreciate this in another and together the communication between women is no longer laced with body-tightening angst of comparison, but instead with freeness and expansiveness. Thank you Adrienne for this needed expression of truth.
I have been noticing comparison, competition and jealousy in me with other women and it feels really horrible. I can even look back and see that it was there when I was a child. It means that I didn’t appreciate myself or others around me, which of course leaves me feeling horrible. The more I appreciate myself, the more I appreciate and allow myself to be inspired by women around me, and it also allows me to support and inspire them. Instead of competing with each other, we are supporting each other to show more of the gorgeous women we all are.
Laura I love what you say about, ‘I didn’t appreciate myself or others around me’ and how this keeps us all small and demented…and so far from experiencing, enjoying and living with the amazingness within us all.
Very true. Until I began attending the Women in Livingness presentations I had very little appreciation of myself and was in constant comparison, usually putting myself down. Then there would be the really horrible moments of putting myself above another woman, a horrendous thing to do. Through the very illuminating and honest presentations, the focus being to love and cherish ourselves I have been able to discard that behaviour because the focus has been on re-connecting to our essence within ourselves, not in enhancing our exterior. Since attending these presentations, the choice to compare has diminished enormously and in its place has flourished some truly awesome friendships and beautiful interactions with other women. Thank you Adrienne for bringing this discussion to the table it is very much needed.
Yes I agree comparison is huge amongst women and it shouldn’t be hidden or pretended it’s not there, it is something I have battled with my whole life, first with between my sister and mother, then friends and any women I laid my eyes on. I love the sentence “What if instead of cutting one another down as women with the ill will that comes from a bruised self, we took the opportunity to REMEMBER our own absolute worth and loveliness?” It’s so simply, in one single sentence explains where comparison comes from (lack of self worth – bruised self) and offers another way forward. I feel inspired to be able to brush off comparison with a single flick and bringing on self worth and deepening the relationship with myself. Thanks Adrienne next time I catch myself going into comparison I can very easily and quickly see that I am not with myself, loving and adoring and appreciating myself first.
Danielle, it sounds like a super-power to ….
“brush off comparison with a single flick”
This is a great article and exposes comparison and competition for what is it. Instead of going into either it is far more powerful and healing to have the willingness to see that as you say “it has entered through the doorway of lack of self worth or self loathing” when we forget the amazingness of ourselves. Instead of comparison and competition I now choose inspiration when I see others, to be inspired by the loving choices they have made.
It happened to me yesterday Vicky…I was with my sister and she was talking about some things she had been realising recently and I could feel her beauty and power, but there was a twinge in me and a ‘bottoming out’ feeling in my tummy that I recognise as comparison. We got to speak about it later and i shared how I had felt and that it was about me feeling the power of the choices she had been making for herself, the realisations she was unfolding in her day to day life, and how it showed me what i have been holding back on allowing and choosing equally for myself. Just being honest about that moment and all it held brought me back on track to feeling my own amazingness and knowing more about myself and my choices, instead of staying (silently) in the reaction of comparison and all its harmful futility. I got to enjoy my sister and myself and feel how there is always more of us to know, live and enjoy.
Beautiful Adrienne. Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly in your blog and in your comment here. I have never been open with anyone I have felt competition and comparison with. What you describe sounds very healing – rather than trying to cover it all up out of embarrassment or shame or even fury…
What awesome awareness to catch this, call it out and start the healing process. Truly inspirational.
I love how for you, you can feel comparison right at the outset by feeling, ‘deflated and crushed by my own ‘not enough-ness’, my mouth goes dry and my tummy feels punched.’ By having this awareness you then have a choice… chocolate or ‘feeling more aware and appreciative of ourselves instead’!
I love your honesty in sharing this situation Adrienne in such a practical and real scenario.
Beautiful Adrienne, this is such a powerful article. What a fantastic way to turn around this constant measuring and checking we do with other women, cutting that insidious and awful energy and transforming it into a positive learning that benefits everyone. I too am learning that if I choose to put myself above or below another woman for whatever reason, I am doing us both a huge injustice. It is truly liberating to appreciate another woman in her natural beauty and know that I too am equal to what it is I see in her. Thank you for breaking the mould here and showing us all that when women truly appreciate one another, every one is richer for it.
Liberating is a great word Rowena…we imprison ourselves whenever we choose to know ourselves through comparison instead of through the amazingness we all are at heart and have millions of opportunities to live from, with and through.