Learning to Love Myself Through My Breasts – The Early Years of Shame

by Luz Helena Hincapie, 35 years, BA Architect, Colombia, South America

When I started writing this article, I found many other women were expressing their experiences with their breasts. It felt as if we were all connected at this time, and that the topic was ‘in the air’. It felt timely and confirming. I would like to share my own experience with my breasts, especially since I allowed myself to acknowledge and connect back to them. I am amazed at how much we as women can learn from our breasts.

Over the last 4 years or so I’ve become more aware of them, learning to love them (an ongoing process) and getting to know myself and know what is going on in my life through them.

When my breasts started growing, more than 20 years ago, I remember it was an unpleasant time; I didn’t like the fact that the nipples grew first and I wanted them to become real breasts quickly.

I felt shameful, angry and apprehensive by this growing process, as if becoming a woman was something people would laugh at.

I rejected very much the attention that my growing breasts used to give me. I did not feel it as a natural process at all.

The environment where I grew up didn’t treat the changes in a girl’s body as something special, something to honor, share or talk about openly. I assumed that I had to deal with it all on my own, I had SO many feelings about it, but I could only keep them to myself, and bury them later on. I also remember being curious about which girls were already using bras: I tried to look through their shirts to see if they were already using them – I think I was trying to compare myself and feel less alone in the process. It would’ve been more fun, more natural, less secret if I could have shared it openly without feeling like an alien for having so many feelings about it all, in a seemingly neutral environment.

This reveals that there was a moment in my life when I was really aware of my breasts, however, when they finally grew and they were not a mystery any more, I almost completely forgot about them… well, not quite.

When I started thinking of sex and boys, then my breasts came back to the spotlight. I saw them as a part of the body that could give me more pleasure and was liked by men. I basically saw them as sexual objects. Although I didn’t really like them – the shape was not round enough, they were not very fit, the nipples were too big in proportion to the whole breast, they were not located high enough in my chest,  some days they were too big and other days, too small. I preferred to forget about them, apart from the days before my period when they would be tender and painful, or if I had some kind of intimacy with someone. But in my daily life they almost didn’t exist. I liked to keep them hidden in my clothes, I never wanted to look at them in detail or touch them, I didn’t hold them in any particular regard.

If I now think about it, did I ever get the time to feel my breasts and take them into consideration while I was partying heavily, not sleeping, smoking, socializing non-stop, waking up with terrible hangovers and so on? Of course not.

This attitude would have continued if I had not been inspired by Universal Medicine and their specialised Women’s Health modality – The Esoteric Breast Massage, something I explore in my upcoming blog.

You may also like: 

Learning to Love Myself Through My Breasts – Discovering the Esoteric Breast Massage

Learning to Love Myself Through My Breasts – My Experience with Breastfeeding

167 thoughts on “Learning to Love Myself Through My Breasts – The Early Years of Shame

  1. Resisting the changes that develop in a girl’s body is resisting the beauty of claiming herself as a woman.

  2. Thank you Luz for expressing the disconnection that so many women feel from their breasts which I can certainly relate to and it has only been since having EBMs that this has started to change and I have embraced the constant communication and support my breasts offer me in my unfolding relationship with myself as a woman.

  3. Hi Luz, it is interesting how you considered your body at this time. I had a similar experience. It is like my body was just something I was stuck with and instead of honouring its divine origin I used it and then dismiss it at whim. And often blamed others for misusing or abusing me when this was par for the course with my own body.

  4. First we start by becoming aware that a greater love of oneself is needed. Secondly, we need to feel that we are not alone. Thirdly, that we are able to start loving ourselves by being honest with how we feel and what goes on in our bodies. For it is our pathway we open by becoming open and honest about who we truly are and what we miss — deep love.

  5. What a blessing that we have modalities like Esoteric Breast Massage which have helped many women heal and transform their relationship with their breasts.

    1. Absolutely and as more women develop a relationship with their breasts there are more role models for teenage girls as they develop so that they do not have to dismiss such an integral part of themselves and their womanliness.

  6. This is a great topic to bring up for discussion as so many other young women have similar experiences to you, it is time that women and girls feel able to share and seek support with these changing times in their lives.

  7. Sadly I suspect your blog will resonate with way too many women as they remember their early relationship with their growing breasts. I am not sure why we don’t talk about it as we grow up. I am not sure why we have not been taught they are sensitive to the way we live. We cannot do anything about how things were, but we can certainly do something about the now and how we treasure ourselves and our bodies.

  8. It’s great to have a forum like this blog to share openly about our experiences. I also did not have a great time when my breasts developed, I did not know how to relate to it all in a positive way preferring to ignore and try to hide it. By this time I’d been exposed also to a lot of images about breasts including their sexualisation in advertising, which added to my resistance and confusion. I also did not feel or regard my breasts in later years, they were just there but not really a part of me until I reconnected to them via the Esoteric Breast Massage. It’s really great to have a more honouring relationship with my breasts and whole body now, and to me as a woman.

  9. The breasts play a role or have a truth that they offer just like we each do. Without this awareness we are running blind, and as history has shown we have all treated our bodies in disregard for the truth it represents.

  10. It is so common to not think much of our breasts and when we do think of them it is often negative. It is great to realise this and actually wonder if this is really how we want to treat our body.

  11. Feels very freeing to read your honest sharing Luz. I had a similar experience in my teenage years and for me it’s a miracle to be able to share with other women how we felt in those years because not expressing it affected my way of being and live too. I’m very looking forward to read your experience after getting in touch with Esoteric Women’s Health and Esoteric Breast Massage.

  12. Culture and society have disminished the true power and beauty of our breasts. Making them a sexual object or something to be ashamed. But women, we all are responsible of this creation. As long as we start to treat ourselves with regard, tenderness and love we are going to be able to change the objectification of our body. The more open and transparent we are by sharing how we truly feel about our breasts the more opportunities will have the younger generations to express their feelings about the changes in their body, which can be life changing for many who can get inspired to honour and care deeply themselves again.

  13. A woman’s breasts are such a delicate tender part of her body inviting her to care for and treat her whole body with delicacy and tenderness.

  14. I had no real relationship with my breasts until I started having Esoteric breast massages which exposed a great deal of hidden and unresolved issues I had carried around for a long time, now having resolved those issues I now have a loving relationship with my breasts.

  15. It is so interesting how we decompartmentalise our bodies and focus on particular parts and this then influences how we feel about and how we conduct ourselves.

  16. Thank you for sharing so honestly your isolation during puberty and it is sad to feel how many other young women have similar experiences to you so that they are left to flounder on their own rather than celebrating the changes in their bodies and the enormous communication that our breasts offer us throughout the monthly cycle.

  17. Thank you Luz, that is very honest of you to share..And I must add that I would have been containing the same behaviors and abuse (not wanting to feel my body and my responsibility for it) if I did not come to the work of Serge Benhayon and Esoteric Women’s Health. As many I needed this awakening call to bring out the huge fire I hold inside of me, that I had no clue of connecting back to anymore.. Hence, I am deeply thankfull that I have, and that I have been given the opportunity and have chosen it so – to come back to love, the love that I am and the service I need to bring.

  18. Its great that you have written this, as my experience pretty much mirrors what you have shared, I can only imagine, if you and I are the same, then there are many, many others. We need to talk about these things and bring more awareness to the “why” factor….”why” is it that we treat this part or any part of our body in this way?

  19. This was my experience too, It is great that this is now starting to change, ‘The environment where I grew up didn’t treat the changes in a girl’s body as something special, something to honor, share or talk about openly. I assumed that I had to deal with it all on my own, I had SO many feelings about it, but I could only keep them to myself, and bury them later on.’

  20. The attention I used to give to my breasts was always negative until I fell pregnant and enjoyed the changes that took place especially as they got bigger. I was never happy with the size of my breasts and often found myself in comparison to another. It feels very different today to how I used to feel about my breasts as my relationship with them unfolds.

  21. It is sad how we felt so alone and uncelebrated as we were growing into women. I have felt how lovely it would be to celebrate and acknowledge these important events. I felt my own embarrassment at my development was echoed by those around me, compounding the shame I felt. How amazing it is now that I feel so loving towards myself and those shameful feelings are gone thanks to Women in Livingness and the Esoteric Breast Massage. Every day is a celebration of how lovely I feel.

    1. Great credit must go to Esoteric Women’s Health for the support they have offered so many women to appreciate their bodies, learn to question why we don’t hold tenderness and fragility as strengths and so much more. We would have much higher figures for women’s ill-health than we do currently because I suspect I would have been one of those statistics if I hadn’t been offered the awarenesses I have been through them.

  22. It is quite shocking to know that most women including myself have one time or another not felt that our breasts are a part of our bodies. They are there on our bodies but we cannot feel them. I have definitely done that and have switched off the feeling towards them. The horror I feel in this is because when I allowed myself to feel again, the breasts are such sensitive feeling centres, they feel everything that is going on, therefore, it certainly took a lot of energy to shut out the naturalness that they offer, and the question that begs to be asked is, “why do we use so much energy to not live the naturalness of a woman?”

  23. I remember realising that everything in our body was there for a purpose, but till I started having Esoteic Breast Massages, I had no idea the breasts could have been quite so important.

  24. I can really relate to the time in life when your breasts started to grow. I wasn’t really wanting them to, and when they did, they grew quite quickly leaving stretch marks on them. I hated these marks, I felt like I was abnormal and really hated on my breasts, especially when it came to being intimate with a man (when I’d grown older). This shameful feeling of always wanting to hide my breasts didn’t really abate until I came upon the work of the ageless wisdom, Natalie and Serge Benhayon. I didn’t fully embrace or accept my breasts until I let go of a lot of the ideals and beliefs I held around myself and what I needed to look and feel like to be beautiful. It is a much simpler and loving place to be.

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