Three days ago, I woke up with a frozen shoulder; I was unable to sleep the prior night or get out of bed. This has happened before, but this time, with the help of my amazing practitioner, Jenny Ellis, I really listened to the message being offered up. I came to understand the message along with fixing the actual physical pain. And this is what I discovered…
I work in education, and it had been the school holidays – a chance to rest, rejuvenate, catch up and be with family and friends. But I had to be super honest and realise I had not given myself the rest I needed. Each day did not feel complete unless I’d addressed cleaning an area of the home, walked the dogs, been with the kids, done some marking, caught up with a friend. I couldn’t say no, and if I did, I felt guilty.
There was such a drive, a pushing through, I could feel a momentum of rush, a high. It was like a drug – and it felt like an ancient behaviour. I was aware of it but couldn’t seem to stop it.
Jenny supported me to understand that my shoulder had frozen because it was reflecting the hardness I go into to get things done. I had seen another practitioner earlier in the week, prior to the shoulder freezing, and he could sense how I was living. In the session, we talked about addressing my nervous energy. I asked if my body was exhausted as a result, and he said, not really; it was more the high of the doing I was getting off on: I was drawing satisfaction from the outcome and not paying enough appreciation and attention to the aspect of what just being me brought to everything.
What does this really mean? Well, this is something I have been deepening and addressing for years – that I was valuing myself by what I did and not from who I am. I tended to not feel really good about myself until I had completed or done the task.
What my body brought to me, reflected back to me via my practitioners, was that I had to start understanding, accepting and really live the fact that it is first the quality of who I am within any activity which is key: that I am enough just by being me. Yes, of course things need doing, it’s not about sitting around and contemplating my navel, but knowing and feeling that my WORTH and VALUE are not solely derived by the doing.
I fully felt this yesterday as I surrendered completely to my pain and tiredness and lay in bed for most of the day, with my two children watching movies and chatting. I DID nothing, yet I was EVERYTHING for them. It was the BEST day.
So it is about quality. I can be doing, but it is a doing with the appreciation of my quality, which is in the doing; a knowing that the unique ‘me’ in it all, is already enough – before anything is done.
I also felt that it was not just about appreciating my quality as something separate, but to express it from a deep love and acceptance of myself. This naturally ensured I was embracing, honouring, valuing and caring for myself in each movement and thought, and I was fully worthy of that. As women, what could we bring if we were simply enjoying being ourselves, first, before any of the doing?
I know for a fact what all this brings, from the relationship with my own mother. When I look back, there was a lot of doing; my Mum was busy and Dad was often away. But when I feel her love, it is her QUALITY I feel. I felt her deep love – it didn’t even have to be said or expressed but boy did I feel the QUALITY and essence of her love – the quality and essence of who she really was/is.
When I reflect on that, I feel a deep holding, a feeling of being nurtured and deeply loved by the quality and essence of my Mum. A huge warmth. Reflecting back, my friends felt the same – they always ended up chatting with her, and all her work clients – the same. All felt a deep holding and care, and an ability to surrender and the space to share their deepest thoughts and troubles with her.
How little do we pay attention to and appreciate the essence of who we are and how we express? If we close our eyes and sense the essence of who our sisters are, our friends, this becomes very clear. Yet, do we acknowledge and allow ourselves to feel this unique aspect of our own quality, how palpable and amazing it is, how clearly felt it is by others, before we even speak or do anything? An example is my sisters and girlfriends who are all on the other side of the globe to me. I do not interact regularly with them, engage in activities with them, yet I KNOW them and I sense exactly what quality it is about them that I feel and love.
Learning to acknowledge and pay attention to feeling my qualities and what others sense about me has been life changing. I’m starting to appreciate and claim what I bring before I even get up and do or say anything. I don’t have to prove myself in any way – I am simply enough.
It is that quality of me, which gives permission to accept and love everything about that quality of you, no matter what you say or do. And it is that quality in you which accepts me back.
The more I connect to this quality of me, and cherish and appreciate it, the more I bring as a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a teacher. I’m less lost in the angst of not being enough and the ‘trying’. I just am.
Thank you gorgeous body for offering this super important lesson to me, which I’ve been able to bask in for the final few days of the holidays, and truly rest in preparation to return back to my busy life.
We all know each other’s quality as women, our personality, essence, and it is this that we need to appreciate. I have come to realise that for women, it is not what we ‘do’ that everyone enjoys, it is the quality of who we are that we are appreciating.
Published with permission of my mother.
By Anonymous, Australia
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As children we can be very good at stopping, connecting and then enjoying what we are doing – we can be oblivious to time and all the other so called or percieved pressures we often feel as adults to get things done quickly so that we can get onto the next thing. This is a great example of being first and then doing. So most of us would have done this at some point in the past – hence it is about remembering this and returning to the connection and coming back to the enjoyment of being with the doing.
If we operate with a level of tension and hardness in the body and do this consistently, then we are more likely to cause damage to the body from this. No different to RSI or Repetitive Strain Injury where the key word is ‘strain’ – the more we repeat a movement holding the body under strain, then the more likely we are to develop and RSI injury. This is all very simple to understand but often we can find it hard to change the way we do things as we are used to doing things under pressure or under strain. But imagine doing the same movement but with a connection to our essence and thus bringing a flow and care and no strain…this is the best medicine to apply of course and it makes sense. Though I do know that for me this is still a work in progress in changing old patterns and ways of being in a lot of areas!
This is a great blog and a reminder for us all as women or men, that it is all about how we are and the quality that we hold and the connection that we hold that matters the most, over and above anything that we do. This to me is beautiful to be reminded of and timely too!
When we can feel within our bodies that we are indeed enough and that we do not have to prove ourselves to anyone there is a deep sense of settlement, all those distractions that we used to stop feeling the unsettlement just melt away.
“I have come to realise that for women, it is not what we ‘do’ that everyone enjoys, it is the quality of who we are that we are appreciating.” Quality is the most important thing – being is more important than doing – then miraculously space opens up to allow us to do more!
You can certainly feel when something has been done with care, consideration and warmth. It makes for the very ingredients that nourish our connection with the Soul.
“The more I connect to this quality of me, and cherish and appreciate it, the more I bring as a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a teacher. I’m less lost in the angst of not being enough and the ‘trying’. I just am.” When we accept and appreciate ourselves we feel we are more and thus have more to offer in this world.
Amazing our bodies ability to show us all that we live, this gives us the most amazing opportunity and that is to learn. Learn more about love and who we really are.
Men think they are in an exclusive club when it comes to, having to be doing. The doing is drilled into us at an early stage that permeates the rest of life. We also need to rediscover ‘the quality of who we are’ that is worth appreciating.
Yet so many women joined this club too Steve – trying to out compete with men. And the world hasn’t evolved. There is another way ……
‘Jenny supported me to understand that my shoulder had frozen because it was reflecting the hardness I go into to get things done.’ I can so relate to putting function ahead of quality and the resultant anxiousness and hardening in my body as a consequence. Learning to stay present and let my body guide me as to when to do things, especially stopping when it tells me to has meant that over time I have pushed less and find that life has become more seamless and that in fact I have more stamina and energy to keep going for longer periods. Ultimately when we can do things in quality and go for longer we are much more productive.
“I don’t have to prove myself in any way – I am simply enough.” Wouldn’t it be amazing if we were all taught this? Then comparison and competition would fly out the window.
Funny that how we seek to be proving ourselves a lot – be this to another or perhaps to ourselves. Certainly something to break or let go of!
“I couldn’t say no, and if I did, I felt guilty. ” I knew this one and its a killer. Why do we give more to other people than to ourselves? And if so what is the quality we are then giving? Learning to say no is a valuable life tool.
When we can say no in a way that is claimed in terms of what feels right for us, there is an empowerment felt and a strength in the body.
Sue when I read your comment it pricked a long forgotten memory of not being able to say ‘no’. I say long forgotten because I am now practiced in the delectable art of being able to say no and can say it with absolute conviction but once upon a time I could hardly get the word out of my mouth and that was because I was steeped in pictures and beliefs around what it meant to say no. Get rid of the pictures and beliefs and the word ‘no’ just rolls off the tongue.
Often we may forget what a person looks like or the details of our interaction blur, but our quality it what sticks the most.
Our bodies are absolutely marvellous in telling us what is truly going on with us in life, we just only need to listen.
So true LE. How often do we appreciate its messages – choosing rather to blame it for the pain we are in, rather than using it as an opportunity for learning and onward expansion..
Expansion/contraction, expansion/contraction, expansion/contraction, both are constantly on offer.
It is fun and then very supportive to be super appreciative to our bodies when they flag up symptoms or signs of our choices; these moments can offer great revelations and the more honest we are the more we learn.
Honesty is like a glorious shovel that takes us deeper within.
This blog is a great reminder that it is the quality of our presence with ourselves as we go about our day rather than the quantity of what we do. It is easy to forget this as there is so much pressure to over perform to get everything done in a day.
Having for years disliked and been disdainful towards my body, it is very amazing to appreciate and enjoy it. To then take care of it is a simple extension of my understanding that its well-being supports everything I do and totally changes my relationship with life, both physically and mentally.
Learning to love my body has been a work in process for a while now. Amazing that in my elder years I’m loving me more than ever. This then allows me to love others more too. Win – win!
As women we have a responsibility to bring a quality that we know is true.
‘Valuing myself by not what I do but who I am’ and just allowing myself to be. I am still learning with this one ❤️
Yes, me too. Learning that it is about the quality I bring to my every day interactions and movements – even if alone – , not how many things I can get done in my day.
There is much to ponder on and appreciate in this article. For today I can just going to bathe in the power of sisterhood (all our one to one interactions) and all that we can learn alongside one another. Thank you.
“I have come to realise that for women, it is not what we ‘do’ that everyone enjoys, it is the quality of who we are that we are appreciating.” Pure gold, so very true, and in everywomen is a divine sacred quality that is just waiting to be felt.
The way you expressed your mothers qualities, and how it feels to receive those and be in her presence supported me to see myself and my qualities also, how beautiful it is to appreciate ourselves and others!
What you have written here anonymous is key
“What my body brought to me, reflected back to me via my practitioners, was that I had to start understanding, accepting and really live the fact that it is first the quality of who I am within any activity which is key: that I am enough just by being me.”
What can and does get in the way is our spirit that digs its heels in and becomes stubborn because it knows that the more we are just ourselves in our beingness the less control it has over our bodies.
The injuries I have experienced are not so much about bones, ligaments or muscles but emotional addictions I have let run rampant.
Thank you Joseph for your comment, I can relate, the force of emotions on the body is very harmful.
Yes, there is often – always? – an emotional cause existing before we get physical symptoms. Bringing us to a stop – a time to make changes in our lifestyle – if we choose.
How amazing it is our body, that always reflects us back exactly what we need to look at to restore our connection with it and deepen in how we live..
There are layers to unpeel when we consider the ‘normals’ we have taken on over the years and it is only when we develop a relationship with the communication from our bodies that we can understand how and why we ignore our body’s messages to rest.
“Learning to acknowledge and pay attention to feeling my qualities and what others sense about me has been life changing” We would do well to offer this type of learning in our main stream education – we would for sure have a lot more healthier society.
Yes this would make a beautiful program of lessons for children; a foundation to know our innate qualities and unique incomparable expressions.
By focusing on what we are able to do rather than on who we actually are we cut out the beingness of God, in all his magnificence, it’s as simple as that.
Thank you for highlighting the value of just being with other people – so often I have got caught in the distraction of completing a task and been totally unavailable to whoever I am with or to my family because I am too exhausted by the constant drive to justify my existence by getting ‘stuff’ done. Surrendering to such a stop moment rather than seeing it as a nuisance is a work in progress for me but the more I appreciate what I bring the less I go into ‘doing’ at the expense of my body and everyone else.
Sadly true for me too Helen when my children were very young. Sometimes – altho I needed to get on with tasks I would put the doing of them before my kids.
I relate so strongly to what you share here Anonymous – very familiar for men also to move into a doingness to avoid what they feel. Sadly in choosing this we miss out on enjoying and emanating our true essence too. Like going to the movies with blindfolds on – living like this defeats the purpose for which we were born.
Our whole society is set up to celebrate ‘doing’ rather than ‘being’ and thus we all miss out from truly knowing each other and appreciating what each brings.
What a different approach that you knew you needed to thaw your resistance to your inner quality with your frozen shoulder and release the hardness you used to do things in. It’s the gritted teeth mentality.. we have to finish this today so get on with it.. that I have known too. Instead we can feel a flow to life, that doesn’t have that grip but still gets things done in a much gentler way.
I am so aware of my shoulders, there is an honesty that is very palpable if I choose to pay attention! One of the clues that I may be overdoing it is my shoulders round my ears! Each time I notice it I also notice the tension of not just being rather than constantly doing.
Yes, becoming aware of the tension in my shoulders – a sure sign I got lost in my ‘doing’ rather than accepting and appreciating who I am and being far more open to others.
Yes. Release the iron grip and become more accepting and open. This makes a huge difference to life and how things turn out.
Without the markers that our body give to us we would be much more wayward. Rather than seeing our aches and pains as an inconvenience, I see them as a real blessing without which we would not be able to evolve.
Your beautiful blog Anonymous has re-ignited in me that same sense of who I am and the qualities that I bring as a women.
The hardness and protection that we sense in our body when we go into the pushing and drive is a marker that supports us to know, that we have disconnected and separated ourselves from who we are. It is a marker to appreciate and acknowledge for in the renouncing we allow ourselves to surrender.
The more we can recognise where hardness and protection creeps in we are offered the opportunity to let go of any pictures that champion this way of being and instead appreciate the quality of just being ourselves.
And the more we do this for ourselves the stronger the foundation/opportunity/space is for others to do the same.
To push ourselves to the point of exhaustion because of the belief that we have to be there for our children has to be questioned or pondered on. Does it support our children for them to be with a drained and worn out mother? What are the impacts apart from the exhaustion on the body? Does it truly support children when we give of our all and neglect ourselves and what does it teach them? A mother shouldn’t have to feel guilty (as what society places on the woman that we choose to align to) if the body needs a rest.
That is such a good point Caroline, what reflection do our children see when we are constantly pushing through. I suspect it is not one that makes adult life look too appealing.
As a previously very ‘drained and worn out mother’ what kept me repeating the same patterns of behaviour that lead me to that point were the ingrained beliefs that I was a great mother because I was able to take on and do so much. That belief combined with other beliefs such as the belief that the spiritual beliefs that I was weaving into my mothering were the perfect way to bring up my son and the belief that the more that I did as a woman the stronger I was were what propped my exhausted body up. Until that is until they couldn’t prop me up any more and I just collapsed in a heap.
‘How little do we pay attention to and appreciate the essence of who we are and how we express?’ Currently I would say very little! But this is key to our true health and wellbeing.
Amazing isn’t it Vicky that we can walk around with our essence absolutely intact and yet have no conscious awareness of it at all. And this I know because I have lived it. I have walked around for most of my life unaware on any conscious level that within and all around me was and is the most exquisite quality of life. It has taken me a while to take off the layers of gunk that covered it but lo and behold there it was, totally intact, exactly as it was in my childhood.
“I was drawing satisfaction from the outcome and not paying enough appreciation and attention to the aspect of what just being me brought to everything.” We miss out so much when we focus on the outcome rather than the quality with which we do something.
The quality in me recognises and accepts the quality in you – so simple yet so honouring.
A beautiful reflection that ripples out to all.
We are not encouraged to know we have an essence let alone honour it! Your blog is such a blessing for us to read and remember the importance of acknowledging and appreciating what we bring without doing or saying anything.
From reading the blog I have a sense of the amazing practitioners that you have seen that have supported you to look deeper in regards to your frozen shoulder and this shows to me that when we go into drive or over burden our bodies then they have an amazing way of letting us know that there’s a problem that needs addressing.
“There was such a drive, a pushing through, I could feel a momentum of rush, a high. It was like a drug – and it felt like an ancient behaviour. I was aware of it but couldn’t seem to stop it”. Anonymous I have felt this recently at work, almost like I was being pinned down by an energy and unable to get out from under it. We can choose our way out of any situation but there are definitely times when it feels harder than others.
Someone shared with me once that if they accomplish something that isn’t on their ‘to-do’ list, then they add it in order to glean the satisfaction of crossing it off. I thought that this was such a clear reflection of how we are all caught up in the process of doing rather than the activity of being.
How many of us are caught up in doing as too be honest we are taught from a very early age to look outside of ourselves for recognition and acceptance from our family and then school especially. No one teaches us about our worth or value just for being who we are as it is a big no, no in society to put your self first, especially women.
To understand why we have the physical problems that we do is great medicine; from there we can address the issue and way we have been living and get the medical support we need to truly heal.
Yes, it is a way of being that should be hand in hand with medicine because otherwise it is putting all the pressure on the medical profession to fix our irresponsibility.
“I can be doing, but it is a doing with the appreciation of my quality, which is in the doing; a knowing that the unique ‘me’ in it all, is already enough – before anything is done.” That is really a much more desirable way to live! Now it is on each of us how we want to live – thank you for sharing Anonymous.
This blog speaks of how simple it is – we hold the quality that others love and appreciate within us. There is no schooling to attend to, no work to be learned or practised, no money to be paid, no service rendered -we already are so all we need to do is bring it to life.
What a different perspective you bring to a common ailment like a frozen shoulder to consider that it is connected to a resistance to our inner quality. This brings a much deeper understanding to a physical condition and offers a much deeper connection to the body and healing as the shoulder thaws and moves once again.
I am beginning to really feel the things that I do that keep me from being in my natural inner quality. There have been times recently that I have felt totally submerged in the inner quality of us all and it is the most natural thing in the world. What’s not natural is living all of the ways of being that keep us thrashing around on the top.
What an awesome lesson you allowed yourself to see and in return received a beautifull healing. It certainly does make a difference when we start to listen to the body rather than ignore it.
Thank you Anonymous for reminding me to stay connected and listen to my body, it has so much simple wisdom to communicate. I love the message here, to appreciate our quality, our essence, and being able to appreciate that in everyone.
Do we work at the expense of the body? At work my chair is somewhat comfortable, but it can never be the right size for my legs because if I bring it too low I get an uncomfortable neck and if I bring it too high then the armrests get stuck under the desk. It’s a constant battle and I have to readjust quite a lot or just make do with whats there and get on with my day. It can be quite frustrating and we may end up giving up and just sitting there uncomfortably, or complain about it. Or we could ask our office manager for support, get something to rest our feet on and be more comfortable.
“it is not what we ‘do’ that everyone enjoys, it is the quality of who we are that we are appreciating.” Superb understanding Anonymous, and a learning for all women.
Appreciating both the quality we bring and the quality of others and what they bring is a beautifull thing. Gosh how the world would be different it we made it about quality first.
Doing and the quantity of our doingness can be a measure of our worth and in that we lose ourselves completely and what’s more everyone else loses out too. Love how you did nothing but rest, surrendering to your body and what it needed and let your children in on it too. ” I DID nothing, yet I was EVERYTHING for them. It was the BEST day.”
I have noticed also that I often keep getting the same messages or aches and pains from my body and they keep repeating and reoccurring until I actually stop and really listen and discern what the ache or pain is telling me about my life. Only then do they tend to recede, resolve and/or recover. I guess this is the true art of healing.
“If we close our eyes and sense the essence of who our sisters are, our friends, this becomes very clear” – reading this, I could definitely feel a bit of a pull-back, resistance in me that did not want to go there, that was very proud and identified with what I do, and somehow feel threatened that I would be somehow less and not as good as others should my ‘essence’ be exposed, as if I am actually ashamed of the truth of who I am. Makes no sense, but that’s what I felt.
This is a very heart warming article. Thank you. And I love the bit about knowing the qualities of each other so well. It feels like an invitation to bask in other people’s qualities and of course to develop the appreciation of my own.
It is so true that we innately sense the quality in another but how often do we stop to feel and appreciate what we bring, before we do anything. Recently I have been ill for a few weeks and it has been revealing how challenging I have found it to allow my body to rest deeply and let go of the pictures of what I should be doing. I can feel how I have needed this time to surrender to what my body is showing me and value what I offer by being me. We are so programmed to achieve recognition for what we do that we need to be patient with ourselves as we explore our appreciation for who we are.
Our body is our most honest friend in reminding us that the quality we move in is what is felt by our body and everyone we meet.
“I also felt that it was not just about appreciating my quality as something separate, but to express it from a deep love and acceptance of myself.” If we do not have the acceptance of our self, how can we truly accept another without judgment and comparison?
How we are with another is simply the reflection of how we are with ourselves; truly honour and love ourselves and then we truly love and honour another.
Our inner quality is the quality of all things.
This is so true – connecting to our inner quality or essence and living this can be the foundation of the quality of our life irrespective of what is occurring around us and outside of us.
Inside lies the true treasure – not outside of us as we are often lead to believe.
This is so beautiful Anonymous. Men and women alike have lost themselves in the doing. And it is through identifying ourselves purely with what we achieve on a temporal level that we totally ignore the true depth of who we are. Being the multidimensional beings that we are, our depth is as deep as the universe.