by Danna Elmalah, 20 years old, student nurse, the Netherlands
Yes, it may sound really silly… but I love having my period and ovulation. The joy I now feel when having my period and ovulation is indescribable – I never thought I would be feeling like this about it.
In all the years that I have been having periods I had many ideas about how having periods would look like and I was not even aware of the fact that I was experiencing ovulation!
I will tell you how it all began.
Before I had my first period I spoke about it with friends and read a lot of stories in magazines about women’s experiences with it. With all this received information I thought that I would be ready for my first period; I got my first period when I was 15.
I remember that first moment when my period started, I was on vacation with my mum and of course I could not hold back to share this with her. At the same time I felt a little ashamed to tell others, feeling a need to keep it a secret.
Although I was pretty happy about finally getting my first period, I felt a little unsettled and actually disappointed. I had built up many expectations and when my period arrived it felt like I had missed something. I had thought the period would make me a woman… but surprisingly I did not really feel like a woman.
The way I was feeling about my period was actually not that great at all and having ovulation was nothing more then the cause of my period later that month. My periods were not regular and they were super, super painful. I felt ashamed of them, like there now was something that I needed to hide.
Over the years I became more and more tough and I desperately tried to escape what I was truly feeling. Having my period became more like a ‘bothering thing’ then a moment for myself to nurture my body. Nevertheless I did always feel more sensitive and fragile around the time of my periods but I did not give those feelings any attention. There were many signals my body was giving, but I did not listen to it.
Then on top of this there were the comments made about periods; I used to react to them either by not saying anything or when a comment was made I would laugh along.
Comments such as:
- Oh you are emotional today, are you having your period again?
- It’s really gross to have a period, don’t you think?
This made it even worse to talk about periods or share feelings about them. As long as you were using tampons and did not talk about it much, it was fine. It felt to me that I had to cover up my periods.
The idea I had about having a period – that I would become a woman – made me wonder how was it that there was nothing that really changed after my first period; that I did not become more beautiful or more womanly.
Why did I not feel like a woman, I started to ask myself? There was something not right, but what was it?
A few years ago I came across Universal Medicine (UniMed) and Serge Benhayon and after attending many workshops and teachings it became very clear for me that it was time to change. The teachings presented that there is a way of life – a simple and loving way for one to live.
As I became more aware of how I was living and how that old way did not work for me, I decided to start new. With the support of Serge Benhayon, the Unimed Team and especially Natalie Benhayon, I started to get to know myself more. This was all in revelation to the relationship I had with myself.
It was really confronting to see how I had lived and to than accept it. Nevertheless it has been an absolute gift to see and be aware of, as I started a true way of living that has changed my life incredibly. I started to look honestly at where I was at, how I was living my life and to listen and trust what I was feeling. I can say it has been a miracle to be part of this process.
I started to look at why I was having such extreme pain during my periods. I found out that my monthly living was very much influencing my period every single month. The way I was living with myself then got reflected back to me while having my period. The more racy, stressed, emotional, anxious and contracted I was during the month than the more pain I had during my period. This was a real revelation.
It was like a package of how I had lived that month that said ‘Here for you to consider’, so I decided to observe. I started to change the way I was living, as it felt that I had no other choice if I were to change my life.
I found out that being a woman is not a role you take on, through a period or any other way, but by connecting to who you are – the woman is naturally within. I just wasn’t aware of this, as I never really made a true connection with myself before.
I started to appreciate my body and myself and boy oh boy I could not believe – the more I felt who I truly was the more ‘feeling like a woman’ started to make sense to me.
It felt to me it didn’t matter if we got a period or not, we are that beauty, we are women. The most important thing is to accept how beautiful we are and that we are made to nurture and honor ourselves in full. Never were we meant to be judgmental, unloving, disrespectful or anything like that about ourselves.
I started to accept more of who I am and it became simpler to truly love myself and also truly love others.
My pains during my periods have decreased so much that they are not common anymore, however, if there are occasional pains I hold myself lovingly. In the past I would have never dreamt of looking at my periods in such a loving way. My periods each month become more of a loving reflection. I started to even notice body changes while having my period and ovulation, whereas before I would have not been aware of having an ovulation in the first place.
I got to see how powerful my livingness – the way I live every day – is and how much responsibility I have to life as a human being here on earth in a true and loving way.
I started to use the Our Cycles App created by Natalie Benhayon and it has been a beautiful App that inspires me to write about my daily living and how I am feeling. I even started to write about how my body feels and about my periods/ovulation. I do highly recommend this App for women to use (also if you are in menopause) and even for men.
My periods have become a time of the month to love and to be playful with. These days are not hard anymore, like they had been before. I no longer have thoughts like “Oh no, here we go again, got my period!” but instead “YES, I have got my period again”.
I would have never thought that I would feel so joyful about having my periods and ovulation or the joy and love that I feel when I connect to who I truly am – which is amazing. The woman I was looking for all that time was already within me… a very loving and nurturing woman.