Indian Inheritance – Re-claiming my Worth as a Woman

I grew up one of three girls with a brother eleven years younger. My parents immigrated to the UK from India before I was born. My mother made it clear for as long as I can remember, that to have girls was a sin and she must have done some very bad things in her past lives to get 3 girls this time round. When my mother was pregnant with my brother I recall her saying she wanted to be sent to a mental institution if it was a girl.

In January 2008, I had a blood transfusion and was diagnosed with a tumor. At the very same time, my family were in India and my sisters were asked to sign legal documents relating to my parents’ will, to remove their names from the family inheritance. I was not present, so my brother’s wife was asked to forge my signature, which she did from a sense of duty as a new bride. My sister-in-law was still full of shame and regret when she later told me.

My sisters were in so much reaction and deeply hurt knowing that this was all wrong. It was never about the money – it was about the fact that girls in my family were never seen as equal. To make matters worse in my parents eyes, their only grandchildren at the time were disappointingly two ‘girls’.

The drama went on for some time and I had no intention of doing anything about it as I always knew from a young age that we could not inherit any monies because of the simple fact – I was born a girl. There was no surprise I got a tumor in the female department of my body. I spent my life wanting to be a boy, acted like a boy and then grew up and did a ‘man’s’ job.  Guess what?  I achieved all of that at the expense of my body copping the loveless choices I made consistently.

For a number of years now I have been committed to making loving choices instead, based on rediscovering who I am and living from that truth, rather than a life of reaction or measuring up to culturally what is expected of me.

Then interestingly in August 2013, my parents made a complete turnaround and decided to change their will and insist it be divided equally amongst their four children.

Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?

In my case, I have made huge changes since 2008 and I never really gave the inheritance much attention.  Instead I focused on me and my wellbeing and how I could start to love myself and this has now finally led to me beginning to accept myself as a woman.

Something I have never ever wanted all my life suddenly feels true for me – to Live as a woman, because the Truth is I was born a woman. And there is nothing wrong about that.

by Ben Patel

Inspired by the work of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon

282 thoughts on “Indian Inheritance – Re-claiming my Worth as a Woman

  1. Getting a tumor or any condition is a stop moment that allows us to reflect on our past choices and to consider what may have contributed to this. It is a beautiful moment of healing offered as it means true change is possible on a deeper level. This also means it is asking for us to love ourselves more deeply, and look after ourselves accessing medical care as well as other care to ensure we have all the support needed to deal with the situation. True healing for one is a team effort from all.

  2. Inheritance issues can be a strong lure to many people, and can pull people into webs of drama – How you have handled this, Ben, by holding steady and focused on living life and building your relationship with yourself as a women is a great investment that yields far more in returns than any monetary lump sum of inheritance.

  3. Hello Ben and thank you for your sharing – there are many cultural impositions and expectations that can create much tension for people and in families and in relationships when different perceptions are held. But the gift is to see it for what it is, not to be drawn into the drama of it and understand the bigger picture so that we can make choices free of these constrains and impositions – choices that we know to be true and supportive.

  4. It could have been so easy for you to be upset about the money and become fixated on the inequality of the situation within your family, but instead you focussed on living what you know to be true, and letting go of all the traditional and cultural pressures that you could so easily have got caught up in. By not getting caught up or going into reaction, you offered your parents space to reflect, which allowed them to feel the inequality they had previously chosen.

  5. It’s amazing that once we start to take deep care of ourselves and to love ourselves deeply, we realise that none of the justifications or excuses as to why we ‘couldn’t’ do that before stand up. There is no relationship, no job or project or any thing that is more important than respecting, loving and caring for our bodies. When we commit to those basics, then we have the energy, the care and the quality that then naturally flows into everything else – and often is reflected back to us.

  6. Your power to go on and not giving the inheritance issue in the family much attention is amazing, you could have gone into reaction and blaming your parents for their decisions but instead you have changed the tide and build yourself a life based on truth and love not only for you but for many in the same position and for your family.

  7. We push and strive for others to change yet rarely stop and understand the absolute power we have to transform the world just by honouring ourselves.

  8. There are so so many gorgeous, beauty-full and wonder-full things about every women. To think that it is a sin to give birth to one feels absolutely horrible.

  9. I have been embracing myself as a woman, enjoying being a female and all our gorgeous qualities, and as I step more into my power I too notice how family dynamics change.

  10. Rereading this blog today, it really sank in how similar it has been in my family with regards to the boys being the ones that count, them receiving monies from the family, and how I never wanted to be a girl growing up in that situation. This pattern and consciousness still lingers on in parts of the world, and how wonderful that we are saying yes to equality, we are all equal in every sense of the word.

  11. I have seen many cases of change within families when one person has started the journey back to self love and God. It’s a great reminder that we impact far more people than we know by our choices, and the effects can be felt all over the world.

  12. Accepting and appreciating who we truly are can result in all sorts of amazing changes. The ripple effects of our choices can reach out far!

  13. How can we totally appreciate ourselves as women if we first can’t accept ourselves as such and could this also be related to our feeling equal in every way with everyone else?

  14. Absolutely nothing wrong with being a woman, and you turning this around has so obviously supported your family, sisters and other women who have been suppressed from enjoying and celebrating themselves as women.

  15. “Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?”

    Absolutely. It is the nature of the Universe we live within and that lives within us. When we give ourselves permission to shine, we remind all others they are also of this warmth and this light.

  16. ” Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?”
    Yes this is true your are living proof of this truth as by you story. It just take one to change the world but it takes all of us to complete that change.

  17. Rereading this blog gave me goose-bumps as I realised just how connected we all are and just how symbolic everything is.

  18. A powerful reflection that every choice we make affects not only us but everyone else.

  19. Thank you for sharing your uplifting story and the ripple effect of one member of the family making changes in their attitude to themselves as a woman and what has unfolded subsequently.

  20. If she thinks having girls is a sin, what does that make her and the girls? Evil? It is a very strange opinion to have as it does not seem to make sense even if one tries.

  21. It was interesting coming back to your blog this time Ben I could really feel the importance of how if we live in a way that is loving caring and supportive, magic happens in the most amazing ways.

  22. Culture definitely plays a great part in inequality, when parents are brought up with ideals and beliefs that girls are lesser, they automatically live the same beliefs too. It was lovely to read your blog and how through living from love your parents became able to recognise the importance of equality over histories of old beliefs.

  23. A very powerful testament to the fact that true change starts with ourselves. Thank you Ben.

  24. In a recent Esoteric Yoga program the theme has been on our ‘worth’ as women – without doubt, the depth of value we place on our worth, affects the quality of self nurturing, love and care we hold ourselves in.

  25. Great sharing Ben, it just goes to show that life is a reflection. Change ourselves and the reflection changes.

    1. Simple and poignant Kathleen – there is such a truth in the fact that when we work on ourselves, then many things around us do change in the process and without our intent to change them.

  26. If we focus on what is true for ourselves like you did by focussing on yourself and your own wellbeing everybody can feel this change and has a choice to either resist or embrace what you’ve offered. And it is amazing to read how you have empowered yourself as a woman.

  27. I whole heartedly agree with what you are putting forward here, you are reminding the reader of their own power. Everything we do does make a difference in this world and if we move in a way that is loving, its more often than not that we are reflected this love back.

    1. Spot on Sarah, the power of realising and living a certain quality of movement that then feeds us back in ways we had never thought possible.

  28. I love the reflection here from you starting to live your life with love and honouring of you as a woman, ‘I focused on me and my wellbeing and how I could start to love myself and this has now finally led to me beginning to accept myself as a woman.’ Gorgeous.

  29. It is such an insidious and pervasive belief that women are less than men, showing the evil of ideals and beliefs.

  30. A great blog exposing how ideals and beliefs that are passed on through generations, actually limit and contain us in a prison-like state, which is accepted as ‘normal’.
    “My mother made it clear for as long as I can remember, that to have girls was a sin and she must have done some very bad things in her past lives to get 3 girls this time round”.

  31. Wow, great story. It is amazing the healing that occurs when we choose to deal with our hurts. It impacts far more than the person dealing with it.

  32. I don’t think I have heard such incorrect inhuman acts as what I could feel in this blog. No respect, no decency, no equality and no love. The evil might of a belief system that’s all it is. It has no power just a wayward way that one day will need to be corrected by those who follow and act it out.

  33. It is crazy, but there are still these belief systems out their. Some people get so caught up in them. I am so lucky I am one of 5 girls, but my parents are so loving and from day one they have said we are all equal. They have always worked hard at nurturing all of our relationships and encouraging us to do the same.

  34. Having lived much of my life in reaction to the fact that my father regarded my brother’s education as more important than mine I find your story so inspiring in how you turned your life around and started to accept, appreciate and celebrate yourself as a woman.
    The power of reflection is demonstrated so clearly in how your parents have changed their views – your lack of reaction has allowed for their evolution and benefitted your whole family and no doubt many others who have heard about it.

  35. The not feeling equal because of being born a woman is such a huge belief in many cultures. I too believed that I was less because I was a woman and have done many manly jobs to prove my worth. A very false way to live, when in truth I am an amazingly strong woman.

  36. It is so telling of the society that we live in that many women grow up feeling so much lesser than men and then spend so much time and energy trying to prove that they are just are “good” only to end up suffering the physical consequences, as you did. And then there are the women who simply accept that this is their lot in life and live in this lesser and very contracted way, and they too often end up with an illness or disease as a result of not living the truth of who they are. It is time for women to reclaim the amazing beings that they are and their natural equality to men, and begin to live this knowing in every single moment; the ripple effect will bring miracles!

  37. Beautiful. You were born a woman to reflect to your family, and all of us, that we are all equal and that when we live who we truly are this is felt by all.

  38. All it takes is for one person to start making choices, not toeing the line of the status quo, and this then opens the doorway for many others to feel that they to, have a choice.

  39. There are so many distortions of integrity and truth in our so called “cultures” which collectively keep the populace locked in old paradigms that are only there to support the antiquated status quo

  40. Every day in every country there are very obvious or not so obvious actions that put down women for the sacred and precious person that she is. However, in saying this every day in every country there are obvious and not so obvious actions that also put down a man for the tender and deeply caring and precious person that he is. The man is put down in a different way to the women though, more by projecting onto him the tough and mucho person he is expected to be. Unfortunately we have allowed a society to develop that purposefully rejects men and women for who we truly are. The perfect set up to try and hold us down from being the enormous and loving light that we truly are.

    1. Powerfully said Danielle. Powerful because of the accountability implied in your wording; I also see that we have, individually & collectively “allowed” our societies to reject and crush who we truly are, men and women alike. As the author of this blog shows us it is in our power to reclaim who we are, by the knowingness that lives within us all and by doing this we change our families, our cultures and the world.

  41. What you show here Ben is how gender inequality in many cultures still has a strong hold on families and this can still influence how we perceive women as being the inferior species. We still have it to a small extent in european countries with the monarchy and the aristocracy, where it is the first male to be born that takes over ruling the land. What I love is that you did not get attached to what happened in your family and instead focused on “committing to making loving choices instead, based on rediscovering who I am and living from that truth, rather than a life of reaction or measuring up to culturally what is expected of me.’ and this naturally brought about changes within your family

  42. It is clear from this blog that the changes you have made in your life have also had an affect on your family relationships and because of your willingness to heal they have been able to go through some healing too. That is huge and inspirational when we consider the amount of dysfunctional relationships in families. Thank you Ben for sharing what is possible when we claim ourselves back and are open to True Love.

  43. It is just as shocking to re-read this blog and have exposed the gender inequality so harmfully spread through culture and religion in our world in modern times. Also in contrast the inspiration you provide Ben of how you can make the choice to heal from this harm both in your body and in your personal life and how deeply that penetrated beyond yourself. Quite amazing and a super important sharing.

  44. It always amazes me when making choices in life (self loving, self honouring with no hidden agendas) and staying committed with those choices how the ‘ripple’ effect gets through and amazing events take place. As you clearly share with us Ben. Thank you.

  45. The remarkable change in your parents to alter their will against deeply ingrained beliefs is a beautiful confirmation of what you have chosen for yourself and thus reflect to them as you do the world. The power of our choices and the ripple affect they have is truly incredible.

  46. Lots of gems here in your blog Ben, demonstrating the power of stepping back from getting caught up in the values, ideals and beliefs of others just to keep the peace etc. There is something so simple, yet very powerful in making the commitment to live your life in the joy and acceptance of yourself, regardless of the expectations and attitudes of others.

  47. I love to read true stories like yours, Ben, particularly how the dedication to self-love and choosing loving choices, like not reacting but seeking understanding, has an enormous and often unseen affect on those around us. Then later the effect is seen, as in your parent’s change of mind. Within such a culture that change is massive and just goes to show what is possible through one person’s commitment to truth with no agenda.

  48. Dear Ben thank you for this moving blog. There is so absolutely nothing wrong with being born a woman and from the reflection of many women I have been blessed with in the world wide student body of Universal Medicine, there is plenty right about it. Your words: “Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?” resounded very clearly from the page. We perhaps are reluctant to make changes because we feel one person cannot make a difference. I feel you certainly have made changes for all women as well as in a very tangible way for your family.

  49. Ben I have loved reading your blog on the reclaiming of your self worth. Having felt the clouds of expectations that loom with cultural identities I have enjoyed reading how this would have left you feeling trapped and deepened levels of doubt and self worth. The line “living what is culturally expected of me” leaves a feeling of entrapment. It has been wonderful to read the choices you have made to let go of what is expected and take on all that you will accept which is the equality in all.

  50. Thank you Kristy for your comment and you make a great point how people take on beliefs ‘when they know it is not true’.
    To break free from those ‘self imposed shackles’ as you say was not an overnight task. It was constantly bringing myself to a place of understanding and not reacting. If and when I did react I would ask myself why and what was going on at the time that triggered that response inside me. A constant commitment to staying open and being willing to learn and not having a goal or destination.
    I would say it is still ongoing and it is by far a perfect picture but it is the best it could be right now and with my level of commitment to keep bringing that balance of Equality within me then I know the tides are turning and this has an affect on everyone.

  51. What an extraordinary shift in what I imagine would have been a deep cultural belief. Just goes to show when one person chooses to make self- loving choice and by not being invested in an outcome inspires and supports others to consider their choices and through loving reflections feel equality within humanity.

  52. The world reeks of inequality, bias and imbalance, and it must change , from the ground up, because it will only be when each person says enough, I am worth everything and I will accept nothing less, then the old will simply rot away and the new era of awareness will dawn.

  53. I love that by letting go, not being invested, and living more truly your own known quality and absoutness of equality, the inequality around you could not only not maintain itself, but also had to return to an equilibrium – this is powerful to feel. There is a lot on offer here for us all.

  54. What an actual service it is to make loving choices for ourselves, in turn inspires and supports those around us consider their own choices. Goes to the show the power of appreciation, thank you Bina.

  55. What I find really surprising is the Indian women take on themselves the fact of delivering women when in reality it is the man who determines the sex of babies. It is also surprising to me that delivering women is seeing as a problem. Why is this?
    As the blog has made quite clear the real problem is how these beliefs force women to live a life that is totally unnatural to them and pay the consequences of this. The beauty, though, is that things can change if there is one that initiates it.

  56. I love this blog Ben, thank you for sharing your experiences and your wisdom.
    You are such an inspiration, claiming yourself as a true woman in any society, but particularly Indian society, shows courage, commitment and a deep honouring of yourself. Truly awesome Ben.

  57. This shows that we are never the victim or powerless, there is always something we can do. We have our life in our own hands. Thank you Ben.

  58. It is awful to read about the inequality that Indian women receive. It makes sense that if being a boy is the only thing valued in a family that you would want to be or act like one. Despite all that, your loving yourself has changed everything.

  59. I’m struck by how sad it is that women reject other women and the depths we miss out on appreciating other women. Just today I was walking behind a woman and her partner. looking at her I felt just how beautiful she was. Her glissened beautifully in the sun.

    I’d never have been able to do this had I still been invested in putting women down as I had when I was trying to deny my own preciousness. In fact, her beauty would have irritated me because it would have been reminding me how beautiful, delicate and delightful we all are as women.

  60. Ben what an amazing blog – we are more powerful than we are ever taught to believe. Would this be because if we knew we wouldn’t accept being anything less?

  61. A truly inspiring story, on many levels. Particularly struck by the correlation between your childhood exposure to beliefs about the value of women and the gynaecological tumour that subsequently developed. But what shone out was that in focusing on you rather than your family drama, you began to accept yourself for the woman you are. A great example of the strength to be derived from taking our lead from what we know to be true within and not from the prevailing culture, consciousness or belief systems of our external world.

  62. Dear Ben wow what a sharing. Thank You for being vulnerable and share this with us and show by example what changes can it bring to truly commit to onself and how important it is for us women to reconnect to that part within. I just recently started this journey back to feel lets say allow the woman I am. Thank You for this blog I feel this is really confirming and inspiring.

  63. I have a different cultural background to yours Ben, yet have grown up with the same acceptance of there being something not right about me because I’m a woman.
    So many women in the Western world especially, champion freedom and ‘equality’ as being theirs yet so many stories like ours, and far worse of that not being the reality obliterate this un-truth.
    Until all women live a life whereby we truly and freely love, respect and honour ourselves for the amazing and sacred beings we are, and not with a false and forced belief that we are anything less – dis-respect, abuse, and violence will rule the day, irrespective of where we live.
    Thanks Ben, for in sharing your experience you have offered all women an opportunity to know how different our lives can be when we make the choice to be in a loving, supportive, caring and respectful relationship with ourselves.

  64. What you have shared here is quite a revelation Ben. To break through the strong holds of the beliefs placed on us through our nationality and religion is a big deal. It shows your strength in how you have released yourself from this grip and chosen to Live as the precious and powerful Woman you are.

  65. I am deeply inspired, from the understanding you have shared, around how living our lives being as true to ourselves as we can is felt and affects all around us. It deepens my responsibility and inspires trust in that we don’t have to be hugely vocal to make changes or rant or chant or write placards, but by simply begin the change creates the change. Awesome.

  66. I can appreciate how you describe ‘it feeling true’ to live as a woman. As I have embodied my natural way, I am finding that both gentleness and power are one and the same, my expression as a woman is evolving and it feels very true to claim this for myself.

    1. This is also my experience too. The qualities of being and embodying gentleness, tenderness, fragility etc do hold a great power and an unwavering authority with them.

  67. ‘Many people walk the burden of what has been projected onto them’

    In one line you have wrapped up what underlies the ills in our world. The unquestioning living out of beliefs that have been laid down upon us and that we accept without question. Every person that gives themselves a little shake, blinks in the light of truth and starts to ask the questions gives us an invitation to take back the steering wheel of our lives and be present as we make choices, both big and small.

  68. Ben, what an incredible turn around you have made. Old beliefs and traditions can lock generations in a imposed prison. I think it’s very courageous what you have chosen to do. Amazing to see that it only takes one to choose love and the prison doors can open for all.

  69. This is such a truth revealing point, Ben: “Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?” Absolutely so; when one person, so to speak, re writes the script, the responses of all participants change: it’s like magic!
    Lovely to read of your honouring yourself as a woman changed this situation for you and your family and what a template for a cultural change also!

  70. Wow Ben this is a truly amazing reflection of how taking responsibility for the choices we make in our lives (towards ourselves and others) has the amazing impact of effecting others equally. It shows the true power we all have in bringing truth to the fore in our lives, by living from this truth and loving ourselves we begin to change and this change then filters out for others to feel.

    1. I have made the transition too from wanting to be a boy (having recognised from a young age that it afforded a better status in life) to opening myself up to the magic and sweetness of being a woman. It is endlessly unfolding and having finally let myself have real friendships with the women around me, I am inspired by the delicateness, sweetness and nurturing power that women hold for all. This article exposes the shocking ‘norms’ within our cultures that go unchecked until we choose the changes. Thank you for sharing.

    2. You are so right Jade that there is “true power” when we Live Truth in our life and it comes from making choices to love ourself first and then others feel it and this story simply confirms this.
      This blog site is a first for all women and I know it is a blessing to know I can write freely and share more so that one day others will know there is another way to live. It really is worth it.

  71. Wow Ben. Pretty intense belief system that girls aren’t good enough. I know if I was brought up like that it wouldn’t have done anything great for my feeling of worth as a women. It’s actually really amazing hearing the changes you have started to make around accepting yourself as a women and that that was recripricated within your family. Super awesome !

    1. Thank You Emily Newman. The changes you mention about me accepting myself as a woman came directly as a result of Esoteric Women’s Health founded by Natalie Benhayon.
      I could not accept that my deep self loathing came from the simple fact that I never felt enough because I always held the belief that girls are bad and I never wanted to be a woman. My mother talked about how she must have sinned in past lives to be cursed with 3 daughters this time. So you can imagine what growing up would have done to young girls in this family.
      This is one story and there are millions as the indian culture is huge.

      1. Wow yea- that would have done wonders for the lack of self worth! incredible that you see past that though and aren’t constricted by the certain ideals

  72. Thank you Ben. This is an amazing sharing and shows how when we truly claim ourselves as you did as a true woman – others feel it and the ripple effect is then able to take place.

  73. As a woman I always find it heart breaking when I hear stories like your own Ben. I immediately feel how the whole of India (99.9%) is in the same frame of mind – so what dire consequences are there for all the women! And this is only one tip of the iceberg of how our societal believe systems impact on the well-being of women. There is so much to speak up about. Thank you for sharing your story.

    1. Thank you for reminding me that this is only the tip of the iceberg Desiree. What Ben has written about here is so ground-breaking and exposing, yet, there is so much more to be uncovered about how the well-being of woman is being harmed by societal beliefs. Thank you Ben for standing-up for Truth and taking the steps forward.

      1. I agree Simone Lewis that this post is “so ground-breaking”.
        ‘standing up for Truth and taking the steps forward’ is not just about my family situation – it is about every other area of my life too – Equally. So this requires a level of Responsibility and commitment to keep expressing the Truth. By this I mean everything. How I communicate is not the only form of expression.
        If I choose to not address an email for any reason or stop talking to someone that is also expression.
        How I wash my kitchen sink and prepare for work is also expression.
        It is ALL this added together that makes me who I am and supports me to stand up for Truth as I have made a choice to keep learning and questioning anything and everything until I understand. Truth is easy but not everyone likes it.

    2. Absolutely Desiree and Simone the societal belief systems have a massive impact on women’s wellbeing, but we have to start taking responsibility for it as women. We are the ones who have chosen motion as our main expression, we decided to identify with the doing of the mother and wife role and initiated that over generations women have lost their connection to their sacredness and true power. Off course there were strong forces that pressured us into believing that motion was the safe haven, but when we look at the abuse women suffer today exactly in this save haven (family, marriage) we have to admit that we were absolutely wrong. It has never been safe it has always been about comfort and comfort kills evolution.

    3. Great point you make here Desiree Delaloye J.P.
      “there is so much to speak up about”
      If we do not stand up and speak the Truth then how is the world going to change?
      Yes I agree the whole of India is locked in the frame of mind you talk about and there is more, so much more.
      We are the microcosm of society and that means we are a part of the whole and so we do matter and our choices do matter.
      It is time we each took a stop moment and started asking questions.
      Questions that are needed.
      Questions that are saying No to anything that harms.
      Questions that are asking us to look deeply at what is going on.
      Questions that ask why are we choosing to live in this way?

  74. Powerful Ben I love what your wrote:” Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?” That is a great way to look at your situation and so inspiring too. With your beautiful example you gave us also the possibility to change our lives but not with changing the others but with changing ourselves – wunderbar.

    1. Wunderbar indeed Ester Altmiks. YES it is definately possible that one person making true choices to bring EQUAL balance within their body and then live that to the best of their ability then others get the reflection of that equalness and that is what has happened with this ground breaking story.

    2. This is such a powerful line that reveals so much esteraltmiks – wunderbar is totally correct.

  75. Wow Ben what a story of reimprinting a twisted ideal with truth. It just goes to show that everything and any thing is possible when we return to who we are.

    1. A wise woman called Sara Williams once said to me “Truth will always be the last one standing”. History has confirmed this to us.
      Thanks Paul for your comment and confirming that anything is possible if we are willing and open to return to who we truly are.
      This story is a living example of that fact.

      1. “Truth will always be the last one standing”…. Love this. I’ve noticed as I come to live more truthfully in who I am my life has become steadier, simpler, easier, more freeing and much more loving. I feel like I have more life. Anything but truth drains the life out of us.

  76. Wow what a beautiful road of evolutionary events Ben. Through your own loving choices it expanded your families choices too. Brilliant.

    1. Great how you say it Kelly that through my own loving choices it expanded my parents choices too. A miracle indeed if you knew my parents and their fixed beliefs that they have upheld even though they knew and could feel it was wrong.

  77. This is an amazing story. Thank you for sharing. When I was 11 or 12, my school teacher (woman) said to my mother in front of me ‘Don’t you wish she was a boy?’ She said this as a compliment because I excelled at school work, but how I heard it was ‘being clever was my only worth and this would only be useful if I had been a boy’. Did she mean that being a girl was not as good as being a boy? Did she mean I was not good/pretty enough to be a girl? I do not recall my mother’s reply. I was stunned. Reading your words, I could feel how my confusion became a belief that I allowed to own me for a very long time. It was deeply healing to read your sharing and I love what you say in the end – “Something I have never ever wanted all my life suddenly feels true for me – to Live as a woman, because the Truth is I was born a woman” Thank you, Ben.

  78. It is extraordinary how when one person chooses to change and evolve, this offers the opportunity for the same to happen to all those around. It is then a matter of their choice, and so the choices go on .

    1. Yes, Chris, it only takes one person to change and evolve and all others around get the opportunity to make different choices. How powerful is it to live our lives with love as the foundation. The world changes with 1 person and then another one and so on.

      1. I agree Monika and Chris – just one person making true changes to evolve and the ripple effect is there. However there has to be no agenda, no investment, no need and no attachment.
        In other words I had to make sure I was not doing anything to get them to change – I did try it but nothing worked other than I got more frustration and was left hurt because I had hidden needs and then I reacted constantly.
        Fast forward and you read the blog. I made sure I just got on with my life and even today that is how I live. Yes we have family dramas but nothing seems to affect me and I choose not to get involved.
        Its the “getting involved” that is the real poison and that is what I am very aware of now.

      2. Beautiful Ben, the power of observing, not taking things personal or reacting and living our life without a needed outcome is huge. This gives us and the others the space to grow.

      3. “However there has to be no agenda, no investment, no need and no attachment.” So what you’re saying Ben is to get self out of the way. Whenever we make it about ‘what I want’, ‘what I need’, or ‘how I think it should be’ then we are not able to evolve from the understanding of what a situation is truly presenting to us. And the ‘getting involved’ is another big one as ‘self’ wants to get in the way again and add to the drama already clouding the truth that we aren’t taking responsibility for our choices.

      4. True Elizabeth, self and ‘me me me’ are a huge stand in the way for feeling what is actually needed for all of us to evolve.

  79. I read the first paragraph and thought I recognise that one, as my parents wanted a boy so badly but they ended up with five daughters and all our lives there was a feeling of having disappointed them for being female. Over the years the disappointment was voiced on several occasions, which did not feel great being the last girl, but I also got to thinking what would the life of a male child be like having had all of their expectations place on his shoulders from the word go.

  80. I love what you say here Katerina about there being no difference between being a man or a woman – both equal. I reckon it will take a long time for the tides to turn in India where women are no longer less because of their gender. What I do know is that one person can begin the process as I have done and will continue to do so and it comes from just living everyday in a way that brings more balance inside me. I am on my way back to living and being a true woman and it is something I love yet in the past it was something I loathed because there were no role models in my life that I was inspired by.
    Today the world has living real role models in women like Natalie and Simone Benhayon. They are young, have their own style and flavour and sure know how to inspire others because they walk the walk and talk the talk. You get to feel that it is possible to equally have that unique way of living and being in this world.

  81. Ben, what a powerful blog this is. Not only is there nothing wrong with being born a woman, it is amazing to be a woman. No more no less than being born a man but equal. The unfolding journey so many of us women can have in reclaiming the joy and beauty of what it truly means to be a woman and to celebrate his every day in full is one of the greatest joys we can live and bring to others. There is so much grace and beauty in every woman that she then brings to the entire world. And one day countries like India will see and feel this too.

  82. Ben I could feel the anger, hurt and sadness arise in me as you shared the lesser place of a woman in your family and culture. The description did not shock me and it gave me a moment to feel what you describe is a reality that millions of women live around the world. The change of heart your parents had against the force of their cultural identification is a miracle that has nothing to do with the money. I see your commitment to make loving choices as confirmation that a woman deeply honouring her body is powerful and is a crucial part of the way forwards for the whole planet.

    1. You are so right Deanne that the reality is that millions of women around the world experience what I have in their family and culture.
      “The change of heart your parents had against the force of their cultural identification is a miracle that has nothing to do with the money”. This made me cry in appreciation of what my commitment to myself has led to and how they really have made a huge step which is a miracle indeed. They are what I call ‘old school” so they uphold their cultural beliefs and follow them to the endth degree and will not budge even if they know its not true. So to have this massive change of heart says a lot to me – that one woman holding steady, committed to making loving choices consistently can make a difference. A microcosm of what is possible for the planet as a whole.

  83. Ben your inspiring blog shows how no matter how abusive our childhood is, when we choose to love and respect ourselves, we not only build a solid relationship with ourselves, but with those around us. What a gift you have brought to your parents, sisters and all women who are oppressed.

  84. Thanks Ben, your story reminded me of what i felt as a young girl growing up in New Zealand where i was exposed to the Maori culture. Even as a young girl i was aware of the inequality between the women and men and the certain protocols around the marae. I sense in some way as young girls, teenagers and as women that we have experienced this in different situations and i can say for myself that i had also chosen to buy into the ‘less than’ as a women. It has been through my journey of taking responsibility and making loving choices as my natural way of being that I am here as a woman and whoa…look out!

    1. Thanks for sharing Marcia and it is interesting how these beliefs get passed on generation after generation until someone like you or me come along and say No – there has to be another way.
      I have always felt that the culture and religion I grew up in favoured boys/men and girls/women really were second class citizens. However, I reacted and got emotional so nothing changed.
      Things changed when I stopped the internal fight, stopped judging and got on with my own life with the understanding that if I made choices to end the divide inside me, eventually things will change.
      I had never expected things to change this fast so it just shows us that anything is possible.

  85. It is beautiful and inspiring to feel how you have accepted that there is an immense joy in being and living as a woman. That you are worth celebrating and that the divine love that we are as woman is a powerful quality that is much needed to be lived and shared in this world, as your experience has reflected. Thank you for sharing your re-claiming – truly powerful indeed.

    1. Thanks Carola – just for the record the Acceptance was not there to start with but with the regular support of Sara Williams – a very inspiring woman who presents what she lives,she inspired me that there was another way and that I could let go of all the protection and hurt that I was holding onto. Underneath that was the woman – the understanding that I was born a woman and that was enough.
      I feel in life we need others to reflect to us that it is safe and ok to be the real true you and today I inspire many myself because of the steps I have taken to commit to being me and knowing that is enough.

  86. Thank you Ben. There is an incredibly strong consciousness in India that appears to want to stamp out the natural power that women have by belittling them from even before they are born. This is abhorent abuse beyond words. So amazing for you that you were able to rise above this to begin to claim the beautiful woman you truly are, what this demonstrates to other women in your culture and beyond is very powerful.

    1. Thank you Kate Chorley and I would agree that this is abhorrent but to not react and do something about it was not overnight. It came from my commitment to myself and learning how to take care of me and keep remembering that I was born a woman and that it was ok to be a woman and that I was enough. The more I focus on this the easier things have got in my life and this has released the long held tension in my body as a result of not feeling equal.
      When I visited my parents today I can feel such change that it really is incredible. I have to remind myself to APPRECIATE how far I have come in my relationship with them and how they no longer label me as emotional or unsteady. I can feel their Acceptance of me and I am not disturbed by anything they say or do – again much to Appreciate here for me.

      1. Thats truly amazing Ben, I can feel the claiming of your power as woman in the words you write. Beautiful and inspiring, thank you.

  87. I love your sharing Ben. Go Girl!
    Women are Amazing and it is sad that you were laced with thinking that women are worthless. How awesome that you have claimed this back and continue to honour yourself as a woman. Simply beautiful !
    Now with this true love you bring – your family will not be able to resist embracing you for all you are.

    1. Thanks Johanna and I just asked myself why did I feel tears when I read “Women are Amazing”?
      Simple – I have never really stopped and appreciated the true power that women bring Equally. Yes it is true I was laced with thinking that women are worthless and this ingrained way of being had a huge effect on my life growing up as a girl and then denying anything and everything about what it is to be a true woman.
      Standing up now for what I know is Truth and not holding back from my Truth is why the changes happened with my parents.
      They have always said in the past they wished I was a boy and I have noticed they no longer say that. Its like they have a new mind that does not see that division anymore when it comes to my relationship with them. Amazing really that we as women hold so much true power and can make changes that may seem impossible. Not giving up is the real answer.

  88. Ben this i am sure is quite a common occurrence within the Indian community – and sad that it is still seen as the norm – where there is not an equality between the sexes.
    What I loved about your blog is how you made changes not for the will, but for you and how you felt – which then inspired much greater change. Yes I believe that is possible, and something we don’t trust enough. People are very observant, so living who we truly are will be a constant reflection to them and their choices.

    1. Thank you hvmorden for confirming what is true… I did not make the changes for my parents Wills and this was never my intention. The greater change came because I stood firm in what I knew and could feel was the Truth and that we are ALL equals regardless of our gender.
      I agree with you that people are very observant and so my parents have been blessed to observe me as a constant reflection in my unwavering commitment and dedication to Truth. It sure has built a deeper trust to the point where I know they trust me totally as they can feel I come with no agenda. I feel this is very important if we are to ever make any real difference. What I have shown here is something that was impossible becoming a possibility for all of us – in other words not giving up but finding a way that unites and not divides us.

  89. Thank you Ben for this sharing who paves the way for a whole culture and many generations to come. The power of claiming love is greatly shown with your blog and it shows all also how powerful we are if we connect to our truth and that we can cut consciousness just by living truth. Very awesome sharing!

  90. Accept yourself as a woman in such circumstances. What a path you have walked to do that. I somehow knew about this ”tradition’ in certain countrues where girls are not considered equal. Reading it in your blog and its effects makes it more tangible. Hurray to you for committing to your wellbeing. And see where it brought you and your family.

  91. Ben, It is amazing that you have been able to shed enough of the cultural beliefs imposed on you to make such a huge shift to self love and appreciation of yourself as a gorgeous woman. In living in your truth it feels like your parents have shifted as well. When we live who we truly are without imposing on others the reflection can be felt by others.

    1. Great point you make Anne that the cultural beliefs were ‘imposed’ on me and growing up I spent most of my time questioning things and then getting frustrated with the response and I reacted to anything so I really didn’t get very far other than have a miserable life.
      Things started to really change when I committed to loving myself as a woman and then Appreciating me as a woman and that I was enough.
      My mother has changed beyond words and I can relate to her now without judgement. Above all I Accept her for who she is even with her long held beliefs. I feel free of the cultural beliefs and they no longer have any effect on my life.
      My dad has finally seen a very consistent strong woman that I am today and by that I mean I stand firmly in my truth and he does not see me up and down emotionally. I am steady and hold myself as an equal to him and so I have no problem challenging him about something I know does not feel true. The interesting thing is he is open and doesn’t cut me off when I speak – that is a miracle in itself.

  92. amazing sharing, I am seeing more and more how true it is that what we do and how we treat ourselves directly impacts those around us.

    1. I agree Vanessa that something so obvious and simple and yet we are generally not aware of. EVERTHING we say or do affects those around us and our environment and our planet. I would never think like that or imagine the big picture as I was so caught up in my hurts which was causing me to react non-stop everyday.
      It is only now I get it that the tension in me was because of the deep lack of self worth having been told from a young age that women were a sub-class. What is amazing is I have noticed my mother has started to take care of herself more than before and she is saying No and standing up for herself more. I have not said anything but she has seen and felt how I live consistently, so I know it has inspired her.

  93. thanks for sharing the beautiful story. There is something inherently flawed about that belief about only wanting boys and ‘having girls’ was a sin. If there was only boys born how would they reproduce if there was no women born?

    1. Your comment makes the whole thing sound so ridiculous Harry which is exactly what it is. If having girls is such a sin then how on earth would boys be born as we need women to have them. Hello
      What I found really awful growing up was cousins and other women having abortions once they found out the sex of the child was a girl. I wonder how the woman felt knowing deep down that this cannot be a request from God surely? Who started all this boy girl stuff and how ingrained is it today in our modern 21st century world. Makes no sense to me but rather than campaign, react or rally about this – I made changes thanks to the Women’s presentations by Sara Williams in London. Her unwavering support for me personally has allowed me to feel worthy as a woman and that I am enough.

  94. An interesting question to pose…”Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?” I feel yes, it is possible for a reflection of equality to offer another way. I have seen this occur within my life when I choose to hold myself and others in equality. Thank you.

  95. Beautifully claimed Ben! and your story goes well beyond the confines of culture – when we claim ourselves as women this is reflected to absolutely everyone and is more powerful that we realise.

  96. This is a very powerful article to share with everyone Ben. The imposition of cultural beliefs are so ingrained and harming. You have shown that by choosing to be yourself and enjoy being a woman in a woman’s body that we are all equal if we choose to be.

    1. You are correct Mary Adler – this is a powerfull article and it would benefit many if it was shared. I love what you say as it is so true – “the imposition of cultural beliefs are so ingrained and harming”.
      The bit that sticks out is the word “ingrained”. Even though my parents knew and could feel it was wrong the cultural way was the only way for them and they would do anything to not step out of line as they needed to be seen that they were following the practices expected of them to uphold the beliefs. What is awful is how many girls are born in this culture and how many secret abortions go on because they check the sex of the baby before it is born and sometimes abort if they know it is a girl. I know many who have done this just because they want a boy.

  97. Ben, you are inspiring to me. When you can come from such adversity and then truly claim yourself, what then is holding me, or anyone else back from the same true claiming of the amazing women we are? No more holding back from any of us.

    1. Great to hear and feel Amanda. If this blog can help one person like you to not hold back then it was worth writing and well worth me adding my comments. We often think our life story/experience is not worth sharing but how wrong we are. There are many like you and me who actually enjoy real life stuff as its like fresh air. We tend to relate to things that have meaning and purpose and this blog site is dedicated to that and I feel honoured and blessed to be able to share my story on such a great forum.

  98. Amazing that your parents completely changed their minds, equally between all rather than just one. When we lead with our heart first, everyone gets to feel the diffrence.

    1. You make a great point here Sally about my parents having a change of heart but making it EQUAL between the children and not just one. I feel when the choice made comes from deep within our heart, then it has to be Unity and Equalness. It includes ALL and this is the beauty of this story which is a testament of what is possible if one person chooses to live Truth by bringing EQUAL balance into their own body.
      It really is that simple.

  99. Ben, I have begun to see that life reflects back to us our relationship with life. I think that you are spot on when you say that the shift in your parents attitude is a reflection of the shift in your own attitude.

    1. Great point you make Alexis about the shift in my parents attitude is a reflection of the shift in my attitude. For some this may sound a bit airy fairy but if you knew my parents you would have no doubt that their relationship with me has changed beyond words. I could not get past my judgements and being right was what I had invested in as a life mission and it kept me imprisoned. Having developed true love and understanding for myself and choosing to take care of me to the best of my ability is when things changed. I no longer had a need to be right but instead had the wisdom to stay open and develop an understanding about them and how they are and why they do what they do. This shifted everything and the fact I actually love being with them now is a miracle indeed.

  100. If a woman coming from such inequality that it makes her feel worthless can turn it all around with acceptance and love for herself, then anyone can do it! Ben you are in the vanguard of change for women in all cultures of the world!

    1. Thank you Dianne Trussell for such a powerful comment – I deeply appreciate this. Just for the record it was not easy. The constant comments that were purely filled with hurt and lashed out continued for a long long time and my job was to put my understanding hat on and not react. This took time and of course when they could see and feel I was not abusing them back but firmly saying No to what they were doing, things eventually started to change.
      The trust my parents have for me now and the respect that comes with it is in itself a miracle. I sometimes have to remind myself how far I have come and it has been simply by living consistently in a loving and caring way that is a choice in every moment.

  101. This is so inspiring Ben, thank you for sharing your story. That there are still parts of the world, cultures and countries that regard women as lesser is abominable. Stories such as yours remind us all that when a woman lets herself truly shine she is saying no to misogyny and yes to all women to take their true equal part in the world in which we live — regardless of cultural background.

  102. It is awesome that you were able to overcome all that culturally imposed inequality by making the choice to look after and nurture yourself. I am amazed that this level of inequality still exists today, and yet, patently it does.
    “Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?”
    This is a true revelation and confirms that age old adage, “as within, so without.”
    I find it both amazing and inspiring that you demonstrated this unequivocally for yourself in your own life, Ben. Truly remarkable.

    1. It is truly remarkable Coleen what has happened here when you think about what I was up against. I spent the majority of my life fighting it and my reactions got me nowhere. Things really shifted when my focus changed to me and getting on with my own life and not worrying about the culture which sets the bars so high they are mostly unattainable and such false pillars to live by.
      Who would have guessed that me choosing to bring equal balance to the best of my ability within my body and then live that could reflect equalness back to me. Incredible really and sometimes I have to stop and feel how much changes I have made and the knock on effect it has had on others. My deepening love for myself includes more appreciation now – something I really have not done before.

  103. What an incredible change you have initiated within yourself, forever, Ben. I am truly inspired. I recently saw a documentary on the Indian held beliefs about girls and it really disturbed me. They are such strongly held beliefs amongst many there, your blog shows the incredible strength we naturally hold within us if we just allow our hearts to lead the way.

    1. Yes I agree Lisa that there are so many that still hold such strongly held beliefs but what if there is me and then more, slowly slowly, one by one start to claim the Truth and LIVE that Truth?
      Could it be possible for the tides to turn eventually?
      We all know if everyone is swimming in the water in one direction and one decides to go another way – things change. You cannot negate this simple fact.

  104. I have always been surprised with this attitude of seeing girls as less than boys, after all if there were no girls born into this world, there would be no women to give birth to boys. “For a number of years now I have been committed to making loving choices instead, based on rediscovering who I am and living from that truth, rather than a life of reaction or measuring up to culturally what is expected of me”. What you have shown here is that rather than follow the cultural norm, you have made choices that truly nurture and support you and in doing so, the attitude of your parents to a belief they have held for all their lives has naturally changed. This is a very inspiring blog Ben, thank you for sharing.

    1. This is a great point you make universal living uk – “rather than follow the cultural norm, you have made choices that truly nurture and support you and in doing so, the attitude of your parents to a belief they have held for all their lives has naturally changed”.
      The word NATURALLY sticks out as that is exactly what has happened. This change in attitude and going against their entrenched long held beliefs is incredible.
      On another note -my mother used to go on about the 7 generations on my fathers side where no one divorced and all the other “good and great” things that this family held as strong, not-negotiable beliefs. She was not a happy mother when three of her children (including me) divorced. It was the lack of Acceptance that this was the Truth in each case and that no culture, religion or belief could stop the Truth.
      Finally – is it any surprise that after all this inheritance stuff has been sorted they seem more laid back and easy going. A huge tension has lifted for both of them.

  105. If one person begins to make choices……..I love that line. This is where we can make a difference. Not by going in reaction, go into protest, fight against a system or belief, but simply make loving choices related to our own wellbeing. Thanks Ben, wonderful reflection!

    1. Yes Caroline a great confirmation that if one person begins to make choices as I have shared in this post, the tides will start to turn and we can make a difference. What stops us is the feeling of overwhelm as it seems like a huge task but the truth is we are not here to convert anyone so it really is simple. My take is we mind our own business, get on with our own life and do whatever is needed to deeply love and care for ourself and then inspire others just by how we live. Of course that means dealing with our buried hurts and the ugly stuff we call “issues” and if we don’t then nothing will really change.
      What I love now is the clear air when I meet my parents as there is not sticky stuff – unspoken words. Its clean, like fresh air. No more avoiding them or ignoring the phone now and that means no more tension.

  106. What a turnaround. It is amazing that in the face of such cruelty you made the choice to make those changes, and what came of those changes equally amazing.

    1. The thing is Nikki – I did not know that this was cruelty. It was normal in my culture as that was what I was told. My problem was I questioned everything and anything and would create arguments because I would expose the hypocrisy. It didn’t get me far as a child but I never stopped asking why this and why that.
      I shut down completely as a woman and it was only after I came to the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine did I get to understand and learn what this was all really about. Dealing with my buried hurts was the start and then getting on with my life and staying committed and consistent eventually inspired my parents.
      I have to say they are changing by the day and its like both have had total brain transplants. They are just not the same as before.
      They are reflecting to me what is possible if we really and truly get on with our own life and have no hidden agenda.

  107. What a difference when we start to bring self love into our lives as you did Ben. What you have shared is so inspiring thank you.

  108. A very inspirational blog Ben for all women and beautiful testimony of what is there when we claim ourselves back and start to live from within, accepting our delicate and precious nature and not to forget accepting life.

  109. Great how you now love being you, being a woman and honor that. Growing up I heard often: next time around / I am born I want to be a man. For a long time I thought this was something all women want or should want. To find out later how lovely, joyful and precious it is to be a woman, because that is who I am.

  110. Culture is a fascinating subject. I wonder how much love any of them are truly based on, when they commonly dictate such separative ideals. When love was introduced your parents felt it, could no longer deny it and chose it against their traditions. That can’t have been easy for them, they are as amazing as you are Ben.

    1. I don’t think it was easy for my parents Jeannette but what done it was my consistency. It really didn’t matter how they were choosing to live, I was not invested in them and this is why we got a 360 degree turnaround. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that this would happen knowing my signature was fraudulently done to change their Wills.
      My consistency was and remains today the same – mind my own business, stay open and support them where needed, get on with my own life and focus on my self care and well being.

    2. I just re-read your comment Jeannette and had tears when I read
      “That can’t have been easy for them, they are as amazing as you are Ben”. You are so right – they are Amazing in what they have done and how they now choose to live which is in contra to how they have lived their whole life. I just stopped and Appreciated them so sincere thanks to you Jeannette.
      What also comes to mind is the utter extreme poverty my father had growing up sharing a bowl of rice with seven siblings and that was it for the day. No wonder he held onto his money and has always been careful with his spending. I have an understanding where it comes from and why he is like he is.

  111. Ben this is such a great blog because it highlights the craziness that pervades cultures. I know in India the female movie stars are revered and earn massive amounts of money, yet they do so in a nation where girls are delivered as a consequence of a life of sin by the mother (very Henry the Eighth really). It just makes no sense. It is scar in that culture. Sorry if that is too extreme, but when 50% of a population are seen as a curse what else can it be called? The attitude to rape in India is surely indicative that this is a deeply pervasive problem and the surface of it has barley been scratched.
    But what about here though? In Australia (and in many Western cultures) we make many claims about equality, and pat ourselves on the back for being so progressive. And it is a fact that women in Australia are vastly better of than their Indian counterparts…however is there a “less than” attitude operating in a very insidious way, so subtle and sneaky it is hard to see it and pin it down?
    There is a great conversation to be had about men too in both cultural settings, and the damage this does to them too….perhaps for another blog?

    1. I agree with you Rachel it is a scar, and I too have often wondered this about India and women’s denigration or lesser worth status and yet at the same time the reverence of many hindu or indian godesses or female figureheads, aside the female Bollywood stars. On one hand there is an honouring and yet on the other a very distinct dishonouring of the female gender. Though that said ‘worth’ has no gender; it is a worldly imbalance and issue we have, and certainly not of any one culture or nation.

    2. Yes I agree with you Dr Rachel Mascord how this blog “highlights the craziness” because that is what it is. Yes it is “very Henry the Eighth really” and it still goes on in our modern world.
      The ingrained way of living is forced from a young age and most champion it by keeping up with what they know and can feel is not true. It takes a lot of love and commitment to stand up say No and then get on with your own life which is what I done. Nothing else was working and my frustrations and reactions made it worse. Holding steady and firmly in what I knew was my Truth eventually turned the tides and I am living proof of what is possible for all indian women.
      You mention men and I agree this would be a great conversation for another blog. From my lived experience I could share that the men are genuinely loving and tender but because of the cultural and religious upbringing they become something they are not and is it any surprise the majority drink alcohol and it is something the indian women all accept.

  112. Ben you have truly deepened my understanding what it is like to be born a girl in a culture where they are less. This is a huge problem world wide and what you have reclaimed in yourself has the same ripple effect on girls in this situation world wide just like it did on your parents changing their wills.

    1. I agree Sharon it is a huge problem world wide and I would like to add that it is a problem we have today and it is not going away. To see any girl or woman as sub-class or less is a crime in my opinion.
      We each have a responsibility in the choices we make and my story is a living example of what is possible if we choose not to react, have an understanding why it is happening and then just focus on making choices that support equal balance within us but not have a hidden agenda. I continue to maintain a true relationship with them and that means speaking my truth, not ever holding back and giving them the time and space to say what they feel without judgement.

  113. Irrespective of geography, religion or culture when we choose to live in a way that hurts us or another, that’s a decision as an individual we can choose to make, or not.
    Your sharing allows us to see that one person can make a difference to the world around them and beyond.
    Thank you Ben

    1. Thank you Julie Ferguson – what you are saying is very true. One person can make a difference and on that note I felt to re read this blog and feel the changes that are ongoing in my relationship with my parents and stop and Appreciate that how I choose to live continues to have an effect on them.
      So is it any surprise they are finally letting go of some of the clutter in their large house and yesterday my mother asked me to remove anything I felt was not needed. They know how much I have let go of and how simple my life is today. They can also feel I have no hidden agenda and so the trust is there absolutely. I was blown away by the small but profound changes they are making.
      What is really a blessing is I can be myself and say whatever I want as I don’t have any need in me to change them.

  114. Wow Ben. Thank you for sharing your story. What an amazing healing for your family and for the women present past and future who also receive a healing from the loving choices you have made. The power of self care and honouring ourselves as women is truly incredible.

  115. This the line struck a cord “….committed to making loving choices instead, based on rediscovering who I am and living from that truth, rather than a life of reaction or measuring up to culturally what is expected of me”. And the result of this then being echoed by your family subconsciously is amazing, showing the might of changing the power supply away from ‘cultural/institution upbringing’, and to love or truth.

    1. Beautifully expressed Zofia, it is a case of where do we get our power source. From cultural beliefs and influences that have been shaped and formed over conflicts and past hurts or from our very own power source within which simply knows what is truth and love? I know where I’m plugging in. 🙂

    2. I love your bit Zofia about “changing the power supply” and this comes down to choice. It really is that simple but it does require commitment as the general force is still going in the opposite direction. That commitment for me is about my daily choices to continue to love and take deep care of myself and not hold back from expressing what I feel. I still pinch myself sometimes because my parents no longer bug me and press my buttons and that was something I thought I would have to live with all my life and just accept. How wrong I was.

  116. Its great that you have stopped this awful belief within yourself by making the choice to value yourself as an equal and as a woman. Inequality between the sexes can be seen everywhere, and one by one we can each claim that equality back. We don’t have to wait for others to ‘get it’…and as you have shown, it starts with ourselves.

    1. Correct Marika – we really do not have to wait for others to “get it” as it won’t ever work. How we live consistently inspires others and that way they make their own choices.
      What is interesting is my parents do not speak much english so the language thing has always led to poor communication. However I have come to realise that the Truth has its own language. I just lived my life and not got involved with the family dynamics around the inheritance stuff and look what happened. This is a huge turnaround for our indian culture.

  117. It hurts to think that someone is treated and valued in such a way, just because you are a woman. The fact that this happens so widely around the globe is actually devastating for everyone, for the world is missing out on it’s essential balance. I love how you have re-balanced your family, not through any effort to change your parents ideas or opinions, but caring, nurturing and giving yourself the love that you felt you needed and that you made it all about the relationship with yourself and then your parents. Everything else just fell into place accordingly.

    1. I agree Jennifer – this is what stood out for me to – the choice to take responsibility for one’s own choices – to make life about love or not. Ben has shown us what comes from choosing to make life about love.

    2. Great point you make here Jennifer about the world missing out on the ‘essential balance’ where women are not seen and valued as equal.
      Who would have guessed that to make any true changes we have to find that balance within us first and then LIVE that quality everyday. How that looks in real life is being caring and loving towards oneself and saying No to anything that feels wrong for you. In other words honouring your feelings as best you can in every moment.
      Eventually the changes are there and it comes from a quality that is consistent because of the commitment lived daily to support yourself.
      I would say this is what has eventually got my parents to change as they could see and feel my unwavering love towards them regardless of what they were doing. I was no longer blaming them or judging them. It is what it is and accepting them fully is what got the tides turning.

  118. Ben it sounds like breaking down that cultural belief was on the table for your family, and only when it was broken did the grandsons appear. And how powerful that once you reclaimed your worth as a woman the family dynamics changed. Yours is a wonderfully empowering story indeed.

    1. I never thought about this Anne but what you say does feel true. The grandsons did appear AFTER they changed their beliefs about girls being less and not worthy or any inheritance.
      What is interesting is that my brother (the only son) now has three boys. Older sister has the two girls and myself and younger sister have no children.
      Another thing comes to mind – my older sister has photos of her as a baby/young child growing up and she was much wanted. Almost no photos of me and my younger sister, who I know has been deeply affected by the childhood scars of knowing and feeling she was not wanted as she was a girl.
      Just to be clear Not all subscribe to this way of living in the indian culture. Sadly the majority still uphold the beliefs.

  119. It is shocking how a number of countries look upon women as second rate citizens or not valued at all as in India. It is very difficult to change a culture but what women can do is exactly what you have done Ben is to reconnect to who you truly are as a woman and from there feel your amazingness and beauty. This is where change is possible as you have beautifully shown us. Great blog Ben.

    1. The tides are turning as if even one woman like myself can make that change and continue in this way to live, then one day in some future time there will be a whole culture shift. My job is to not convert, preach, teach or impose my way of living onto my parents or anyone but just Live what I know and can feel is my Truth and it is only then that real true change is possible and this story confirms this fact.

  120. I love this line Ben: “Something I have never ever wanted all my life suddenly feels true for me – to Live as a woman, because the Truth is I was born a woman.” I know the feeling of not wanting to be a woman at times because I had the believe that men are better than women but the truth is I am a woman and I really enjoy being a woman.

    1. Yes I agree Lieke that this is a great line and so true. I have to put it down to attending the Women in Livingness presentations since they started in early 2011 and with the inspiration of living real women like Sara Williams and Natalie Benhayon who have confirmed to me that it is totally and absolutely ok to live as a woman.

  121. It never ceases to amaze me when we commit to make loving choices – that this reflection comes right on back. Thank you Ben for sharing your journey.

  122. Wow Ben, it does amaze me that so many cultures still devalue the role of women and place so much emphasis on the role of the man. Society would cease to exist without both man and woman and each have a value and beauty to share. It is heartening to know that in you claiming your loveliness as a woman and living from this love, that you have inspired such change in your family. Thank you for sharing your story.

    1. Thanks Jade – yes it amazes me that so many cultures still devalue the role of a woman. All I can say was that it was not easy and it was not overnight. There is no quick recipe for this that I can offer.
      What I needed to do was to be the change inside me and hold steady. By that I mean I had to find me as a woman and Accept me and my qualities and know that I am enough and not less or more.
      Over time, I started to claim myself as a woman and no longer felt any different to a man and in this case my brother. My parents could see and feel that I did not get emotional or react when the traditions of the culture go on and I stand firm in what I know is true.
      Eventually, by not compromising my quality and what I know and can feel is my Truth which I choose to live everyday to the best of my ability they started to change towards me and Accept me and there you go – bingo !
      I never ever dreamt that this would happen in my family and in this lifetime and yet it has. A miracle indeed.

      1. Miraculous indeed Ben and super inspiring. What you are presenting here is essentially how by taking responsibility for ourselves and our own lives, without any investment in the changes by others, we can in fact influence much more than we could even imagine. Imagine if every women in the world read your blog!

      2. You are spot on here Jennifer and I would just like to add a bit more. Not investing in others means butt out and mind your own business. Get on with your own life and make responsible choices and the key is to commit to being consistent. Without my absolute and unwavering consistency to commit to my life and simply “get on with it”, I doubt anything would have changed.
        Both my parents have lived a very painful life and there is nothing out there to make them want to change. They had given up on life. Even though they knew it was wrong to see their girls as literally ‘second class’, they continued to keep up with the culture and religion which is so wrong.
        I had no agenda, no motive and my only intention was to keep working on my choices and taking responsibility for what I can do to support me not to harm myself or others.
        This is what inspired them and continues to do so. I cannot express the joy today of knowing how my relationship with them is. Growing up was tension and hatred and I blamed them for everything.
        I actually look forward to seeing them and if you knew my past you would agree this really is a miracle.

      3. Ben, what you have shared in your blog and above is a remarkable transformation, and yet one that can readily become ‘the norm’, should we be willing to let go of our own personal hurts in regards to such prejudicial beliefs and the behaviours that stem from them.
        This is in no way to say that such a process of healing is any small measure, for it can be an unravelling of the deepest kind.
        By virtue of your commitment to this, you have opened the door for so many to step out of such limiting and diminishing shackles – shackles that would hold ANYONE as lesser, by virtue of gender or otherwise. What a leading light, and absolute inspiration, in the way you offer your open heart and understanding to those closest to you, who may not (as yet) have chosen to so heal, and extricate themselves from such enduringly painful ways. Hats off Ben, and celebrating the truth of equalise of all that we all do know in our hearts.

      4. Thanks Victoria and Yes it would be great if we could let go of our personal hurts and that becomes ‘the norm’. Now that would be an amazing world with real relationships and no harm towards self or others. However, we all have this need it seems to help.
        We tend to want to fix and help others to do what we have done and this is where it goes wrong. Each and everyone of us has to make our own choices and it has taken me a lot of time to understand what that means. I cannot interfere, invest or get involved in another’s path. They can be inspired by the way I live but to try and make them ‘get it’ would not work. They have lessons to learn and they will get there one day. Its not my stuff and this has really helped me to remain open, not take things personally and get on with my own life.

      5. The deepest wisdom…
        and this is what I so appreciated about your blog Ben, that you are not holding ‘what’s been’ against your family, nor needing them to get it, to see it ‘your way’, etc. The way you love them so completely is palpable.
        I can relate to what you’ve shared in the personal sense also, in that we are so much the ‘lighter’ and not needing to personalise others’ choices, as a result of such committed inner work, awareness and healing.

      6. This is great what you say about not needing to personalise another’s choices because of the commitment to my ‘inner work’. You are so right as once we begin to commit and dedicate our life to taking care of us and growing in awareness, things change and then the rest just unfolds. The need to fix anything or anyone on the outside has less of a pull and in this case this is what has brought about profound results.
        The other thing is that it is really easy to be around them as the tension of undealt with past hurts and issues is just not there. They don’t press my buttons and so I look forward to seeing them instead of avoiding them like I did in the past.

      7. How truly beautiful… to cherish another for all that they are so.
        Ben, I would love to read what you’ve shared about as another blog – it’s all there, and such a powerful statement on relationships. It does take work to bring ourselves to such a place, it ‘doesn’t happen overnight’ as a dear friend said to me yesterday. Most definitely worth sharing dear lady.

  123. I have seen growing up around Indian families that people (including women) did want to have a boy and saw people having a girl(s) was not enough. It was odd to see that not only men but also women craving to have a boy and then feeling proud if they, like it was an accomplishment when they did. You really can’t control the gender of your child. Each being is precious be a girl or a boy.
    I love you sharing about you making loving changes is such a real reflection. That speaks louder and then to see thing turn around so beautifully in your life and you feeling the real worth of being a woman this life. People must come and ask you for your magical secret on being who you are and knowing your are worth being a woman this life.

    1. You are so right Pinky and a great point you make about having a boy is an ‘accomplishment’. When my brother was born the brass bands, fireworks and no expense spared celebrations went on and it never stopped – every birthday you would think he was the only son on earth. Crazy behaviour and what I now realise is that he was so uncomfortable with the attention and fuss.
      Yes I do get asked what the magical secret is but they say is it a book or a pill or what? Everyone wants a quick fix and change but this was a lifestyle change. I had to make a commitment to me and begin to learn how to love and care for myself. It was not an overnight thing.

      1. Growing up I could see the inequality between men & women and in reaction to this I made choices to prove that women could do anything that a man could do and in some instances better. In effect I almost became a man in the way that I behaved…very competitive, a muscular hard body etc. Once I could see the error of my ways (which started in my 30’s, I started to bring back the harmony in my body and accept myself as the sweet, delicate woman I am. The more that I choose the ‘real me’ the more everything around me changes. Its wonderful to know and understand that all I need to do is live a more honest and loving life with myself that then impacts all of my relationships in a most beautiful unfolding way.

      2. Marika – that’s a great point: that when women try to outdo the men or try to be more masculine in reaction to this belief, we are, in effect, endorsing the belief by adhering to masculine values. What is required is for us to be our absolute female, womanly selves in all the delicateness and fragility that that entails.

  124. It makes no sense that we devalue the female gender based on where you are born – most harp on about the world being made smaller yet we still as a world nation condone and accept this discrimination as if it is okay ‘…it happens in India’. It is not okay.

    1. You are so right Lee that it makes not sense that we devalue the female gender in certain countries. To add more to this story – many of our relatives think it quite ‘normal’ to have an abortion when they find out the sex of the baby is a girl. The same woman will repeatedly do this until she gets the boy.
      When my father rang me at work and said “I got bad news” I thought my sisters baby was born dead but Oh no, she was a girl.
      Yes they adore her now but at the time both the baby and her mother, my sister were a disappointment.

    2. It’s so crazy Lee and especially when we see how cultures/countries or communities buy into these abusive and very harmful beliefs, so much so that it becomes accepted as the way it is. There is a supremacist energy at play here.

      1. Great point you make Jennifer about it becoming an “accepted way”. By accepting this way it becomes normal and so it is not challenged and rarely does anyone bother to go against the tide. Every indian woman feels this divide deep inside but very few would be willing to actually do something because of the “accepting” factor. I know as I was one of them. I used to always think I was the wrong colour, wrong family, wrong culture and wrong religion. I now realise I had a real part to play in my family and it was one that unites us all Equally.

  125. Wow. It really hard to believe that this kind of thing still holds sway. That the thought of having a girl was bad and that they are not worth as much as a boy. A great and graphical example of how silly and ridiculous so many of our customs, and traditions and our cultures around the world really can be based on things that are so – well lets face it …. Stupid.

    I must have been awful growing up like that to feel that because you are a girl you are “not worth anything” . So completely false.
    Great to hear you have seen your way through that prison!

    1. Yes I agree it is stupid Simon but judging and reacting changed nothing – I done that my whole life. I made a point of being rebellious and argumentative about the religion and culture and the utter hypocrisy and it was only when I started to change and put the focus on me and my way of living everyday in the world, that the tides finally started to turn.
      My relationship with my parents today is something I never imagined was even possible. I wished I was never born and now we just get on and they Accept me and I Accept them regardless of our differences.
      They hold the utmost love and respect for me and I feel it is a reflection of the exact way I feel about myself and honour myself.

      1. Wow Ben this is amazing and a great confirmation that true change can only ever come from within. I also rebelled as a teenager, I am not from an Indian family but i did react to the expectations that were placed on me from my family. In the end the only person who really suffered was me as I spent so many years in reaction that I did not know who I really was, I just built up an identity from rebellion rather than discovering who the real me was. The changes you have made have changed your whole family dynamics. All of this from committing to self care and self responsibility.

      2. Ben, you have shown how powerful the reflection of self love is with your parents now accepting you for who you truly are- this is a miracle.

    2. The belief in the superiority of either gender could never hold sway if we all understood our bodies are our vehicles of expression and that gender is very much secondary to this fundamental truth.

      1. I agree Coleen that gender is very much secondary but when it is ingrained from a young age weaving into the culture and religion you are born into, it takes a lot of commitment to go the other way and not by campaigning, ra ra-ing or reacting but by taking small steps every day and not waiver from what you know and can feel is your Truth. The majority still go for the easy option, which is follow the others make it the “norm” when we all know and can feel it is clearly not the norm to allow this to continue.

  126. It seems like as you claimed your self worth any thoughts that you were less than that had no power. You claimed your amazingness so it could not but be seen. Awesome!

  127. I don’t understand why in some countries to have girls is such a disappointment ,when surely biologically we are the bearers of children and the nurturers in families so how would the population continue? Are males suddenly going to grow a Womb and Breasts? How did all of this come about. It must have been so hard for you Ben to grow up knowing you were a disappointment to your Mother as were your Sisters , no wonder you wanted to be a boy most of your life. It must be wonderful to now know your value as a Woman and how precious you are and absolutely equal in every way to all. How inspiring to hear that by just being who you are and choosing to be Love has helped those around you to change.

    1. Looking back now Roslyn I realise that wanting to be a boy and do a mans job which I did when I was older, came from rejecting myself as a woman. If you grow up knowing that girls are not honoured and women have a role and its pretty exhausting and ugly, it would make sense to find another way. In my case it was tomboy to rebel to anything but a woman.
      What I find quite funny is that their two first grandchildren were girls and that remained for 25 years. Only recently has there been an addition of grandsons.

      1. The birth of girls for another 25 years…clearly there is a lesson there for your parents…an opportunity for them to let go of the silly belief of inequality of the sexes and to see that all babies – female & male are equal angels sent from heaven that have a vital piece to this big jigsaw puzzle.

  128. Thank you Ben, your article is very beautiful and touching. The fact that as a world, there is actually so much inequality on-going whether it is within a culture, within a family, regarding genders, which is hurtful and the harmful effects they have on our bodies when we take on as well as react towards what is not true. But this can be turned around with our accepting ourselves–how amazing the reflection you are holding for your heritage as well as for all women.

  129. Thank you for sharing your story. Someone I know (born in Australia) was also told that she was supposed to be a boy and how disappointed her mum was that she wasn’t a boy. She grew up never feeling enough as she was or loved for who she was. She also felt that women are not considered equal. It is inspiring to read of the change in your parents. Perhaps when we no longer give any creed to old beliefs about inequality, we can stop the cycle and inspire others to break out of an old untrue mindset.

  130. Ben you are changing the world and completely deconstructing the confines of culture with your beauty and your commitment to love, simplicity and the Truth. What an amazing blog.

  131. I love the simplicity that is being shared here. By choosing to self-care, self-love and to feel and know how worthy we are, it has an affect. A subtle yet profound and powerful affect that ripples outwards from ourselves to others.

  132. What an amazing reflection we are and how powerful we are in that! Your story is great evidence of this fact.

  133. I love the power that comes with claiming and living the love that we naturally are. We need not tell our loved ones when we feel they are living in a way that is not true for them, when we live what is true for us we naturally share this with our loved ones and give them the choice to also live their truth. This is Love.

  134. Thank you for sharing your story Ben. Honestly and openly sharing your division within your family and how you chose to live and react in this situation. Your choices back to you and love is inspirational. It is a catalyst for true change to seed and grow.

  135. Wow fascinating story Ben – its always amazing that in this world today we can still hold people some people as greater and some as less based on gender, culture, status, religion, line of work, family heritage, sexuality etc.

  136. Wow I did not know that women were seen as so much less in India’s culture. Thank you for sharing Ben.

  137. Thank you Ben – a beautiful sharing of how your loving choices has inspired your family to drop their ideals and beliefs and to also choose love.

    “Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?”. A great question for us all to ponder.

  138. This blog brought a tear to my eyes – how long have women suffered under the ideal that we are less than our male counterparts or in some cultures virtually nothing? You have done so well to rise above all of this to find your true worth and beauty as a women – and you should feel deeply appreciative of yourself for the work you have put in. It’s also interesting that when we don’t have expectation things can “loosen up” energetically – quite probably you did have an affect on your parents coming to the equality within the family. Well done all round.

    1. Thank you Joanne for your Appreciation it is deeply felt.
      I have not stopped to really Appreciate myself for the choices I have made to not buckle in to all the cultural and religious pressures.
      I have never been driven my money and that helped. What also helped was not being attached to whether they came round to my way of thinking or not.
      What has truly won their hearts (which is confirmed by the fact that I am now a trustee on their wills, not my brother) is how I am living my life consistently. They have seen a daughter who has bags of energy, lost loads of weight, looks 20 years younger and has time for them and remains genuine without a hidden agenda. After 8 years of remaining steady, consistency builds Trust. Thats what this is about. They trust me and they listen to me. That is a miracle in itself.

      1. Consistency does build trust and it is amazing the effects it has on those around us. Firstly the consistency we choose for ourselves builds our love, and then we are able to shine this as a reflection to those around us. In your family you are a role model Ben, and I’m so glad you recognise that stopping to appreciate yourself is also super important.

  139. I never saw it as a gift until now so Thank You Sandhya for confirming this.
    What amazes me today is how Truth wins and what I mean by that is I never sold out to Truth and by holding steady in what I knew and could feel was the Truth, it changed everything. Both my parents trust me totally today and I know that whilst they still have cultural pressures, they are now treating me as an equal to my brother. That in itself is huge and something I am yet to fully appreciate.

  140. I also grew up in an Indian family and can relate to how this culture holds having a girl as a curse or disappointment. What a gift you have given your family by being the reflection they needed to also make the loving choice to treat all of their children equally.

  141. ”the Truth is I was born a woman. And there is nothing wrong about that.” That last bit really stuck with me. There is nothing wrong in being a woman. There is nothing wrong about being me. Thank you.

  142. I am sure that your mother loved you very much, as any mother would love her child no matter what gender that child was born in. But she must have felt such enormous pressure from somewhere to have said those things which ultimately and deep down she did not feel or mean.

  143. You make a great point here Elaine about how deep the expectations can be and in my culture it is a duty and an obligation to behave in a certain way as a woman. To hold my ground and not waver from what I know and felt was the Truth has led to where I am today, which is a real and equal relationship with my parents – the same as any son would be in an indian family. That really is a miracle in itself if you knew my parents and how they used to be !

  144. Where I live, in the East of England, there is still a lot of prejudice against women although this has changed somewhat in the last 30 years. I welcome your blog Ben. It feels very inspiring. Choosing to make loving choices and not just do what is expected of one is huge as these expectations can run very deep. We can be bullied by hidden prejudices until we call them out, making loving choices and being more aware

  145. Thank you Janet for confirming back that we can have a miracle if we make our life about Love and by that I mean making choices for myself that are not in reaction to life but about restoring an inner balance within my own body that is loving and caring and not harming another. Live that consistently and you got the recipe for a great life and one that could possibly change others without actually doing or saying anything to them. My story confirms that this is possible as I did not have any investment, attachment or expectation for them to change. I changed and the rest just happened. For me that shows our true Power that we all hold equally within us.

  146. What an important question to ask, Ben – “Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?” Your story is miraculous and an absolute testimony to the power of making life about love.

  147. It is not really about the Will. You started to claim yourself as who you are, a beautiful woman, and accepted yourself and your sisters as equal beings with your brother. This is what your parents felt and they too came to see all their children as equal human beings. The power of your presence in reclaiming who you are is beautiful.

    1. Thanks Mary – you are right it was accepting all my siblings as Equals which started with accepting myself first that led to the change in my parents. This is huge even in our modern times as the divide between gender is so entrenched in the hindu culture but slowly slowly there is change like this one in my own family. I feel blessed to be a part of what I know is real change.

  148. Thank you Alison and what you say about not wavering was needed. The hooks to pull us out when it comes to family are huge. You could be strong with others but when it comes to family its like we have weak spots and they just get us. This has taken me a long time and being honest with how I feel and sticking to that an not wavering has really helped.
    If you knew my parents and their strong held beliefs this really is a miracle story.

    1. I so agree Ben, we can be strong in so many areas of our life but when it comes to family we can buckle under the pressure. Money is so emotive and family and money together can be a like a fire work waiting to go off. The fact that you did not react and stayed true to yourself and did not let the ideals and beliefs and cultural ways wear you down is a miracle story and an inspiration for us all.

  149. Great blog Ben I can feel how your claiming of truth and not wavering has supported your family to have the turn around and make you and your sisters equal shares in the Will . That is a huge step from their initial ideals and beliefs of a daughter’s place is in the family. It is so easy to get caught up in money, and inheritance is one that causes many rows and family rifts. Great that you stayed strong and did not buy into the beliefs. “Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?”. So true Ben.

  150. I agree Susan. This article shows that by living in harmony with yourself and all those around you it invites others to also live in harmony.

  151. Thank you QA for sharing your story and what you are currently going through. Like you I was deeply touched when my father told me that he trusted me and asked me to be an Executor on his will. My mother did the same and it was based on the Love they can feel comes from me without any hidden agenda.
    When I spoke to them today I feel equal and not less because of my gender. I know they see and feel me as not less than my brother so this is deeply and truly profound coming from them and the culture that really does divide girls and boys, men and women.

  152. I can so relate to this Ben P. My father has been seriously ill with cancer this year and my step mum in reaction decided to march him down to the solicitors to complete his will. This caused a lot of family arguments as Money does change people. I decided to leave them be and support and care for my dad as he so needed it as he had a big operation. Recently he asked me to be the Executor of his will. His words touched me because like you this is not about money. He said to me I Trust you and despite what has been going on you have shown me Love without getting involved in the Drama. My dad talks about the fact that he is dying which has given me a great big healing because up until recently I had a fear of dying. My dads illness has put alot of things in perspective for me as we keep making Loving choices everyday this in turn is a reflection to other.

    This blog will heal a lot of people Ben because it is real and anyone reading this can relate. Great job!!

  153. Hi Ben, I felt inspired at the end by how simply you state that there’s nothing wrong with the body you’re born into – because it’s the Truth. Thank you for sharing.

  154. Absolutely beautiful Ben. I can definitely agree that one person making loving choices can bring a rebalancing and harmony to relationships that if we tried very hard to create would never happen. This is my experience in life and I have witnessed this in the lives of other too. This puts a whole new meaning on the word Love – as it’s certainly not about fixing, trying, or trying to make things go ‘our way’. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Thank you Shevon Simon for your comment and I have to admit that I spent most of my time ‘trying very hard’ and this really made my body hard and I was in total reaction to my parents and nothing changed. I wanted to feel a certain way in their presence and only when I began to let go my deep hurts and develop an understanding about me and my choices that I started to feel different and saw and felt them for the first time as an equal and this was the turning point.

  155. Thank you Mary for sharing and I thought it was only in the indian culture but obviously not. These ancient prejudices coming from beliefs and traditions are now healing as we bring in the balance within us that then reflects to our parents and the world that it really is not about gender. In our natural state we are all one and the same and that is the message this blog is about.

  156. Thank you Ben for a deeply felt article. I can still feel the unspoken triumph of my mother that her first child was a boy as she and her sister were a constant disappointment to her father because they were girls. My mother was named Joan as it was the nearest sounding name to John. The effect of this preference was felt by my sister and me throughout her life and it was a serious hindrance to my brother as well. It is very liberating to let go of these prejudices and just allow ourselves and our children to be themselves.

  157. Thank you for sharing this blog with us… I love this part: “Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?”
    What I have found, is that when I start to make choices for me, regardless of what others are doing, they seem to get inspired without me saying anything to them, and then they too start to make other choices too. It’s a ripple effect. And it can all begin with each and everyone of us, with one little step at a time!

    1. Yes Rosie this is so true as long as we make choices that are truly loving and deeply supporting for us then others will be inspired and even if they are not, we know in time they too will one day make choices to bring equal balance within their body.
      What made the difference for me was to stay committed to what I knew was a true way of living and remain consistent. Eventually the tides started to turn and today I am blown away that my parents no longer see me as less because I am a woman. This in itself is monumental to say the least.

  158. This is a beautiful sharing, it deeply touched me. It is of true inspiration that you have arisen out of what you were taught and presented from such a young age to realise that, yes – you are EXACTLY who you are meant to be, and that you are nothing short of amazing. The fact you now reflect this back to your family is incredible and an amazing blessing both for them and everyone else. It is exciting to be part of the generation that will begin to change all of this.

    1. Thank You Meg Valentine
      I was touched deeply when you mentioned being part of the generation that will begin to change all of this. I am for the first time feeling the deep Appreciation for myself that I did not sell out to all that stuff but held steady in what I knew was my Truth.
      I have reflected to my whole family that there is another way to Live and Be in this world and it brings true freedom.

  159. Great blog what struck me was how you committed to you, and to taking care of and being tender with you and how over time that changed everything, and yet I love how I felt no attachment from you to have things change. That is awesome. Thank you for reminding me that it’s not about fixing anything (and there truly is so much in how we live that is so wrong) but it’s about truly taking care and making loving choices in each moment, and in that reflection we offer something amazing back (like your parents being inspired to change by the changes you made).

    1. Thank you Monica G, the word ‘time’ is a key word here. this did not happen overnight – my commitment to deeply loving myself and taking care of myself had to continue by being consistent then eventually over time things started to change because I just ‘got on with it’ and was never invested in the outcome of whether I would get any of the money. How I live everyday is the most important thing because it leaves a mark on everything whether we can see it or not. If we do it purely for the love of ourself then it can and will have an affect on others. Choosing to love and care for myself inspires others and it has and the simple reason is my consistency. It is something I have only just started to deeply Appreciate about myself.

      1. Beautiful Ben, I feel even more your absolute commitment to be there for you in a truly loving way and yes it is very inspiring.

  160. Ben, what you’ve shared here shows how if you simply make the choice to not buy into a belief system anymore (such as the Indian one that says girls are lesser than boys) and begin to honour yourself as a woman without worrying about how that is received by your family or others, things come back to more of a balance without the added effort or drive to change people.

  161. Wow, thank you Samantha and Ben and others. Your stories are true inspiration for all of us to work to make the loving changes in ourselves and know it will pull others along. I got chills reading how your parents have come around full circle. I know true change is brought about by love and your lives illustrate what that can look like.

  162. Thank you for sharing what a beautiful turnaround a truly inspiring blog.

    1. What a lovely update, thank you and a real call to us all to appreciate ourselves more and what that can and does bring.

    2. Thank You Samantha -just to give you the latest update — me and my elder sister are now Trustees on the Will for our parents and Not my brother.
      I have the official documents given to me so this really is a huge confirmation in the right direction.

  163. This demonstrates so clearly how important it is to just let go, focus on self-love and self-nurture rather than get involved and trying to fix things. Very pertinent.

    Really appreciate the reflection you bring THANK YOU!

    1. It really does Marian, what a great comment, to focus on taking care of us and our part and responsibility.

    2. Exactly – it is nothing short of amazing what changes can then naturally and easily arise, which is so different from how it is if our purpose is to bring about those changes, or impose them on another.

  164. This reminds me of the confusion I felt as a very young girl, recognising that my parents found it easier to raise a son than a daughter – there was an underlying current in our home that men and boys came first before women, and that the world belonged to men. This is a global issue, across cultures.

    Now, as I uncover my own deeply nurturing quality of stillness as a woman I can understand how we currently have a world that reflects such a lack of equalness – this quality has been buried under a veritable mountain of dominating motion and male energy, both in the world and in me!

    Your blog is a great reminder that as we choose to live lovingly and to accept and express who we truly are, the balance returns to the world.Thank you.

  165. Thank you for sharing your powerful and inspiring story. I’m starting to notice more and more that when I focus on sorting myself out and allow myself to be me as a woman it gets reflected back at me in so many ways.

  166. Thank you for sharing this inspiring story, Although born of English parents, I was born in the Middle East and, being the third daughter, obviously a disgrace for my family. I too dressed as a boy and did boyish thing including studying engineering at University, and now am coming to terms with my vulnerability and fragility as a woman. I love that, with no word from you, your parents are able to feel and respond to the changes in how you now live your life with self respect and self love.

  167. What an amazing story. How can you grow up to love yourself as a woman under that pressure? Wow. It must feel great to shake it off and just be your natural self. Really inspiring. Thanks for sharing that cultural insight.

    1. You make a great point here Kate – “How can you grow up to love yourself as a woman under that pressure?”
      The truth was you suppress and knock out everything that is natural. I was born a woman but I grew up thinking and feeling this is wrong and so I found a way to fit in and that was to NOT be a woman. I had no idea my body was taking on that pressure because it was a daily tension in every moment.
      Even when I started attending some Esoteric Women’s presentations, I was always feeling challenged just by the word “woman”.
      My body was very hard, so were my thoughts and this took time and words like be gentle and tender was all too fluffy for me. However, after many years, I feel the benefits of applying gentleness to everything I do and using my fingertips to tenderly touch is actually powerful and gives me an inner strength. No way is it weak and this understanding has been a huge turnaround for me in my life.
      The great thing is my mother practices doing things gently and loves it.

  168. You are an amazing woman, claiming back the power that womanhood naturally gifts you with. The love you must have, to overcome all you have been taught since you were young, is very inspiring. Thank you for sharing all you have, it is in true support of women everywhere.

  169. Wow what an amazing sharing. How amazing and inspiring that you have reclaimed your joy as who you are as a woman and what a healing that has been for your family, and women everywhere.

    1. Thank you for the reminder Maxine that when we truly share a life story without any agenda, others get the inspiration, benefit, joy or simply give them permission to share what their life experience is.
      Holding back serves no-one is what I have always said, yet at times something as personal as this story was not what I thought the world would want to know about. How wrong I was.
      This story is stating that holding steady in your truth even though your family are all going in another direction could turn the tides. It sure did and today our family is completely different. Yes there is stuff but things are not stuck or the same as the past. We have moved on and continue to do so and this is the blessing.

  170. It’s funny that the first time I got an inkling that my father wanted a boy was when I was eight and had a train set for Christmas! I was the youngest of three girls and was dressed in trousers and dungarees except on high days and holidays. I never saw myself as a tom-boy, but always felt it was safer to be dressed like that. Valuing myself has been an ongoing path for me, and for a long while I valued myself as a person and not a woman. Valuing myself as a woman is altogether different. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s very inspiring. And isn’t it so true that we change the world by being our true selves.
    Ariana, UK

    1. Hi Ariana. My father got me a train set when I was small and I enjoyed playing with it as it made me feel different and special to him but I know a boy was the desired gender and I was the second girl. I recall as an adult my mother mentioning to me in a fleeting conversation that if my older sister had been a boy, they would not have had me. I brushed this off but the impact was quite huge and it answered a lot of questions to feelings I had about fitting in and growing up. My sister also went through a stage of wishing and even crying because she wanted to be a boy. Maybe we both felt the pressure and the lack of self acceptance that ensued for us.

      Thank you for sharing Ben. Your last paragraph sums it up beautifully
      “Something I have never ever wanted all my life suddenly feels true for me – to Live as a woman, because the Truth is I was born a woman. And there is nothing wrong about that.” Awesome.

      1. Thank you Beverley for sharing and I so agree that what our parents say to us has a huge impact on us growing up. You quoting my last paragraph again made me stop and Appreciate for the first time in my life how me holding steady and not making this about the inheritance helped me in more ways than I could imagine.
        Today I feel the woman I was born to be and I have accepted that this is my Truth and the way I choose to live from now on.

  171. Thanks for sharing your experience with us all. It must be such a joyful thing – to reclaim yourself as a woman with love and respect and how amazing that your parents came to their own valid conclusions.

    1. Yes, it is amazing to reclaim yourself as all of who you are – not just some parts. The funny thing is the more we reclaim ourselves the more we notice how awesome we are.

    2. Good point you make here Jean about my parents coming to their own valid conclusions. There is no way this would have happened if I was even the slightest bit bothered or had a hidden agenda.
      It simply worked because I made me the focus and not any effort in trying to change them in anyway.
      My relationship with both of them today is real and I no longer feel to avoid them which is how I used to live in the past.

Comments are closed.