I grew up one of three girls with a brother eleven years younger. My parents immigrated to the UK from India before I was born. My mother made it clear for as long as I can remember, that to have girls was a sin and she must have done some very bad things in her past lives to get 3 girls this time round. When my mother was pregnant with my brother I recall her saying she wanted to be sent to a mental institution if it was a girl.
In January 2008, I had a blood transfusion and was diagnosed with a tumor. At the very same time, my family were in India and my sisters were asked to sign legal documents relating to my parents’ will, to remove their names from the family inheritance. I was not present, so my brother’s wife was asked to forge my signature, which she did from a sense of duty as a new bride. My sister-in-law was still full of shame and regret when she later told me.
My sisters were in so much reaction and deeply hurt knowing that this was all wrong. It was never about the money – it was about the fact that girls in my family were never seen as equal. To make matters worse in my parents eyes, their only grandchildren at the time were disappointingly two ‘girls’.
The drama went on for some time and I had no intention of doing anything about it as I always knew from a young age that we could not inherit any monies because of the simple fact – I was born a girl. There was no surprise I got a tumor in the female department of my body. I spent my life wanting to be a boy, acted like a boy and then grew up and did a ‘man’s’ job. Guess what? I achieved all of that at the expense of my body copping the loveless choices I made consistently.
For a number of years now I have been committed to making loving choices instead, based on rediscovering who I am and living from that truth, rather than a life of reaction or measuring up to culturally what is expected of me.
Then interestingly in August 2013, my parents made a complete turnaround and decided to change their will and insist it be divided equally amongst their four children.
Could it be possible that if one person begins to make choices to bring equal balance within their body and live it to the best of their ability, life reflects that equalness back?
In my case, I have made huge changes since 2008 and I never really gave the inheritance much attention. Instead I focused on me and my wellbeing and how I could start to love myself and this has now finally led to me beginning to accept myself as a woman.
Something I have never ever wanted all my life suddenly feels true for me – to Live as a woman, because the Truth is I was born a woman. And there is nothing wrong about that.
by Ben Patel