What is it that gets in the way of me truly expressing myself?
- Wanting to please other people and make sure that I act in a way that makes them feel reassured and accepted
- Wanting to be the best, to be noticed or to be rewarded in some way for taking part…always after that A* prize of recognition
- Fear/shame/embarrassment of not wanting to reveal myself as some kind of inept imposter
- The ‘children should be seen and not heard’ mantra from childhood
- Not wanting my expression to spiral into an uncomfortable emotional reaction, because I’ve been holding back for so long, and there is so much to say
I used to secretly think that expressing myself through wearing make-up and nice clothes was for other ‘insecure‘ people and in my arrogance, liked to believe that I was somehow better than anyone who chose to express themselves in this way, because ‘I didn’t need to’. At the time I didn’t see it for what it was – an excuse that thinly veiled my biggest fear: criticism from others. I thought that if I chose not to express myself through my clothes or my make up, then others wouldn’t judge me. If I just stayed silent hopefully no one would notice me and I could avoid being singled out. I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression. Regardless of whether or not I choose not to define myself through my expression, I will still be defined by other people, perhaps in a way that suits them (and maybe not me).
What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?
How do I express myself other than in words and how can I use each moment to express myself – even if it’s just to me?
What would happen if, instead of hiding behind those uncomfortable feelings of fear and shame that prevent me from speaking my truth, I acknowledged them and spoke the truth of what I was feeling?
I’m learning that when I force myself to express for some goal that I’ve set myself, for example making sure I speak up in a meeting for the sake of being heard, I get distracted by how I’m ‘performing’ and feel anxious about how I’m coming across. Because I’m so worried about the outcome, I feel panicked and communicate nervously, spluttering out garbled sentences in the most unnatural way. But when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel. I feel connected to the subject and other speakers and I actually enjoy expressing myself for its own sake. It feels real and others respond to that truth and connection.
I’m learning that there are a thousand ways to express ourselves as the true women that we are, and that every moment is an opportunity to express myself, if I choose it to be. As well as the more obvious ways of expressing through being more open and honest with myself and others and through physical ways such as my hair and what I choose to wear, other ways are just as important: how I move and hold my body, the quality of my smile and knowing the difference between expressing a truth and reacting against something.
What does expression mean to you and how do you express yourself as a woman?
By Bryony, London, UK
Suggested reading:
How to Communicate? Bringing me fully into my expression
Not Speaking up: Silence – is that a form of self-abuse?
What is a True Woman?
Other articles by Bryony:
Learning to Express: Letting the Truth Out
Opening up (A Can of Glorious Worms) – Returning to the Truly Tender Woman Within
Women in Livingness Blog 
Bryony this is a powerful list to explore as it shows us how these apparently ‘good’ things we can do can stop us from expressing ourselves from our deepest and most natural essence:
“(1) Wanting to please other people and make sure that I act in a way that makes them feel reassured and accepted
(2) Wanting to be the best, to be noticed or to be rewarded in some way for taking part…always after that A* prize of recognition
(3) Fear/shame/embarrassment of not wanting to reveal myself as some kind of inept imposter
(4) The ‘children should be seen and not heard’ mantra from childhood
(5) Not wanting my expression to spiral into an uncomfortable emotional reaction, because I’ve been holding back for so long, and there is so much to say”
“What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?” – Expression is super important, this is clear, and it is equally important as Bryony has expressed in this blog, to recognise how expression can come in so many different ways and does not have to be a shouting from the roof tops or a verbal expression, but can be in the way we walk, the way we move, the way we dress etc. Of course talking about how we feel is part of it all if and when it is called for. Thus we have many tools of expression to use and to not hold back from using!
Wow, Bryony, this is a powerful blog and much of what you have shared has ‘hit home’ for me too. I can now also see more clearly how I have held back in expression because of fear of criticism and how this has been the overarching theme that has controlled my expression.
That is such a good point – there is a whole load going on long before we open our mouths and it is worth building an awareness of that.
For so many years I thought I was bad at expressing myself as a woman because I rejected the picture I was seeing of women. I felt I wasn’t that therefore I was much more at ease with expressing as a male! Yet working with Esoteric Women’s health I have discovered that it is not about the pictures of being a women we see in the media but about reconnecting to what is within and building from there out. My expression as a woman is delicate and much quieter than my expression as the something else! Even though it is delicate and more often than not fragile, it is not soft or namby pamby, it is attuned to what is going on around me and therefore more responsive. A constant re-discovery I would say.
I love this comment Lucy – it shows a classic reaction we can have where we can see something that is being modelled to us which on some level we feel is not true and so we say no to that, but then due to lack of true models around, we simply choose the opposite by default, which is not true either but at least it is not the first thing we saw! A doomed if we do and doomed if we don’t approach. But later in life when we get to see the true model of a woman it gives us permission to explore expressing that from within too.
Holding back on our true expression is saying loudly to others ‘Keep out. I’m not going to let you see who I am’.
Yes.. our outward external expression is the end result or product of the quality of energy that we’re already moving and living in, which affects everything from our bodily movements to our thoughts.
Recently I have been exploring how I express through my movements as for many years I thought I was successfully hiding my repressed feelings of resentment and anger because of my self imposed embargo on expressing how I truly felt but what I now realise is that I fooled no-one apart from myself and since acknowledging these buried feelings they are no longer in my body to leak out sideways when I think I have my ‘nice’ face on but others can feel the pent up frustration in my body. My movements feel so much freer and untainted by my previous lack of expression and I have so much more joy to express as I choose less and less not to hold back sharing all of me with those I meet.
Expressed beautifully Bryony I could relate to everything you have written. Holding back from expressing truth really does hurt because we are withholding something in our body that is not meant to be for us it is there to be expressed.
Not speaking up and saying what we feel must be of pandemic proportions otherwise the world would not be in such a mess. Could it be that our reluctance to call out that which is not true has contributed towards how stuck we are in our expression?
I can relate to wanting to speak up to be heard especially in a group of people so that I am not looked down on for being silent or to prove I understand what is being said! Yet I know I don’t have to speak up as sometimes holding myself in truth is enough. What I am clocking and claiming within my body, is that others feel and register what is going on whether I speak or not and all I have to do is be present and connected to myself, through each and every movement I make, which is essentially or fundamentally determined through my unfolding in my every day livingness.
Good call Aimee, not expressing ourselves is still an expression, which can be harmful if something needs exposing or being brought to a stop.
Walking with openness and transparency communicates everything to another. Seeing this we learn to trust and remember that our bodies are born naturally like this.
“I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression.” This is super to be aware of because many of us think we are not being watched if we slink away or hide ourselves but we are in truth being watched constantly. Are we expressing what needs to be seen more of in the world or are we expressing more of the so called normal reality that is making us sicker and more dis-eased?
I have found that too – the withdrawal is a communication in itself too. I find your body is impacted by both but we only pay attention to one being harmful and that is the one that gets the reaction so we end up playing small thinking it is keeping us safe. Total illusion!!
There is such a joy in expression that originates from the connection to the divinity within ones body… a beautiful reflection to feel.
There is so much joy to feel when we choose to express all of us and share that with others.
In every moment we are expressing, through our voice, our movements, the thoughts that come through us, our intention, feelings, the way we dress, style, cook, be work and all. It is lovely to feel the extent of our expression and how the quality of our expression touches and affects all others.
This is a great point Victoria – because though we might be dictated by having to wear a uniform to work, our expression comes into this from the way we get dressed (the gentleness we use to put on our work clothes) and get ready for work. Or we might have rules and regulations that we must comply by at work or with a task, but again, our expression is not stopped so long as we simply connect to ourselves and do it with our way of moving (gently and with care etc.). Expression is every expanding and does not need to be limited despite working within certain boundaries so to speak.
There are so many ways we can express ourselves, expression is not just what we say or write, ‘I’m learning that there are a thousand ways to express ourselves as the true women that we are, and that every moment is an opportunity to express myself, if I choose it to be.’
A great exploration of why we don’t express, ‘What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?’
When I hear someone express with openness and transparency it melts my heart. Many of us have similar anxieties and fears, so when one shares openly it can give permission for others to open up too. We can then support each other.
Wanting to please another and not risk rejection and lack of approval can be such a real barrier in expressing who we are and yet in the end we all miss out.
Yes, we learn a huge amount when we observe how our bodies feel when we are expressing in different situations- an opportunity to look at situations where we don’t contract, and build from there.
Pondering on your blog again, I think it’s easy to get caught in just thinking of expression as words and what we say or communicate, but perhaps every single moment could be an expression of us and actually every little moment and movement is part of discovering what it means to express who we really are.
I am becoming more and more familiar with the feeling of when we freely express our truth how we are held by a quality of love that supersedes any other worldly emotion, and how much this quality supports us to live in connection to who we are.
“how I move and hold my body, the quality of my smile” this is really in my focus at the moment. If I pause to feel my body rather than thinking about my next task or what’s happened previously, my muscles relax, my posture lengthens and my shoulders drop down. Learning to move with this more open feeling I feel is me expressing myself truly.
Seeing expression as a movement expands our whole concept of the word and how we relate to expression. We are never not expressing, and so choosing to be aware of how we are holding and moving ourselves is a 24/7 responsibility, but in the coolest, unheavy way, because when we’re aware and with our bodies, we’re so much better placed to respond to whatever is in front of us.
Very true, I find I respond to life much easier than if distance in my mind and need to come back first or instantly react in a negative way.
Get this… even if we do express how we feel or even what is true, it can still be expressed in a way that makes us small. It is not just is what we say or do by in the quality of how we are within ourselves that is equally if not more important.
We can say the most profound things but if what we’re saying is not lived, ie if there’s a disconnect between what we’re saying and what we’re living, the depth and meaning of what is being said isn’t felt.
Many times when someone has reacted to what I have expressed I’ve said to myself ‘never again’ will I say something… I’ve thought that was the best way to protect myself but I was actually hurting myself far more than their reaction.
Expression covers every aspect of how we are in life and fully embracing how I express as a woman is an ongoing journey which I am enjoying as I allow myself the freedom to experiment with what I wear and how I style my hair. That’s before I open my mouth which is what my former narrow interpretation of expression was and as I reconnect to my essence my confidence in expressing all of me expands.
Serge Benhayon has always said ‘Expression is Everything’, I only began to understand the true meaning of this when I stopped holding back and started to express myself more and felt how much more expansive and light I felt.
True, Anna. Expressing ourselves leaves us with a completely different feeling in our bodies of expansion and space, instead of the tightness, hardness and contracted feeling of holding back. It’s not until we start playing with it and feeling that how we express really does make a massive difference to our bodies, relationships and lives on so many levels, that through this learning we become inspired to share more of ourselves.
Holding back our expression for fear of a reaction or outcome brings a cumulative tension in our body but when we chose to express what is there to be said we feel a freedom of being who we naturally are.
It’s interesting how we’d rather put up with an enormous amount of tension in our body from not expressing what’s there to be expressed, than risk upsetting someone – and all because we’re pre-judging the situation and anticipating, expecting that they will react. What if we let go of our expectations, fears and anticipations of others’ reactions? How much freer might we feel within ourselves and our bodies, and how much faster might relationships evolve, if we just said what we felt instead of waiting for ‘the right moment’ when another is least likely to react – or never saying it at all?
“I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression.” and one that is much more harming than we are willing to accept. We may not express what we feel but it is held in our body until such time the body has to discard it either in frustration or anger or if left to fester, in illness and disease.
Over the past few years of attending presentations by Serge Benhayon, I have heard this wise man say over and over again that ‘Expression is Everything’ and as the deeper connection with my body continues, I have a deeper understanding what this means – I can speak from my head and be filled with an anxiousness of getting it wrong (the old pattern) or express from the joy of being in conscious presence with my body from an inner knowing and a natural warmth and deep resonance expressing through my voice.
Expression is our every movement whether it be a thought, a word spoken or an action and how this transpires in my day is always extremely interesting and everything can be seen as a direct reflection of how I am in myself.
Yes.. there is so much to study in our day about how we move, think, type, walk.. the list is endless, and every moment provides a reflection of the quality we’ve chosen to live in, in any given moment.
Being ourselves takes into account how our way of being is affecting everything.
I think a massive reason that we do not express is because we are protecting ourselves from the backlash that can come. I wonder what life would look like if we cared more about expressing the truth and saying what that person needed to hear rather than holding back and protecting ourselves, and I wonder how expressive we’d truly be not just in the way we spoke but in all our little movements, and how we choose to dress and do our hair and everything.
Great question Meg – if we cared more about expressing the truth than protecting ourselves, the world would be a very different place.
I think it’s important to clock too that while we are protecting ourselves and the truth our silence is contributing to everything we hate in the world continuing on.
It’s fascinating that the thought of expressing something that’s true can feel so uncomfortable – but only if we let those thoughts in. Often the tension of not expressing and holding it back also feels worse, like we’re about to explode. Experimenting with this, I’m finding the key is to come back to the body, to accept that if I’m feeling anxious it’s because there’s something truthful I can feel but that I’m not wanting to express, and to start with that honesty – i.e. what I can feel, say no to the ‘what if’ fear-mongering thoughts, and stay with what I’m feeling instead of vacating my body and creating a big drama in my head. It’s about having a relationship with what we can feel and our expression, not trying to nail it and get it right every time.
And yes – every single time we hold back what’s true, we allow the lies to continue, and the world to be in the total mess that it is. Our responsibility to choose what we’re contributing to – truth, and a truer more loving way of being, or lies, and more of the same lovelessness.
What does expression mean to you and how do you express yourself as a woman? What I am appreciating about my own expression is how it is not only found in the way I speak but also in how I move day to day. It is the fine and delicate movements of my body that hold a rhythm unto which I find the great beauty and the essence of who I am and all around me too.
I wonder if what gets most in the way of us expressing ourselves is that there is a backlash when we express truth, love and joy and that this backlash deeply hurts.
What I’ve found is that it hurts most when I’ve had an expectation of the other person getting what I’ve shared.
“I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression.”
Ah yes, I feel this line needs to be bolded also. For the truth here is that not only is expression everything – everything is expression. No exceptions. We simply cannot not express, as we are ‘vehicles of expression’. All we can do is either align to the source that will impulse us to express all that is true, or we align to the other source that will see us expressing all that is not of this truth.
Yes, expression for All or expression for the ‘I’.
We do have so much to express and it is really letting out that love and care for everyone that I am learning at the moment. I thought people would react or something but when I really take the time to talk with people and let out my sweetness and loveliness this does actually not happen at all. People love it and so do I.
I have had a lot coming up about this of late. I have always dismissed my femininity and taken on a more “I’ll cope, she’ll be right” attitude. At the moment I am called to go deeper with expressing my tenderness, care and sensitivity and I can feel a resistance of ‘how do I do life without the tough exterior?’.
It is confronting to let this go but I also know that it holds me back and no longer serves me.
One key aspect of expressing I found is the ability to receive, especially love and truth as otherwise our expression is very limited.
I thought I’d gotten over caring about what people think but today another layer came up for me to look at. The thing is everything I think a person is thinking, saying or relating to me is all a picture in my mind and it hasn’t even come from them! We form opinions of people based on their actions, I can’t stop that. But I’d rather the relationship be based on my true expressions rather than holding back and allowing false perceptions to be built as our foundation together.
When I finally came to know that holding back my expression actually hurt me and those around me it was a real “ouch’ moment but then from this understanding so much of my life began to make sense. Growing up I used to go quiet regularly, holding back from expressing how I was feeling for most of the reasons at the beginning blog, and it always felt horrible in my body but it was usually so very hard to get out of; yes it was definitely hurting me to hold back but also others missed out on my beautiful expression.
I used to go into ‘silent mode’ quite often as I was growing up and once in this state I would find it so very hard to get out of it, always looking to someone to notice me and ask why, and if they didn’t I would tumble deeper into my solitary confinement. I knew that it was painful to do so but didn’t know any other way to express myself at that moment in time. I certainly didn’t realise, as I do now, that this was not only so very harming to me but that it was harming to others. Supporting children to nurture their beautiful natural expression from a very young age will ensure that these adults of tomorrow will be able to express themselves freely and honestly.
Silent mode is at best unhelpful and harming at worst.. so always harming in some way, however ‘insignificant’ we may think. When we don’t express, we allow the silence to do our talking for us. Invariably it leads to confusion and destruction, through misunderstandings- all of which could be easily let go of and moved on from, if we took the risk and voiced our feelings.
When we express in words we have a responsibility not to hold back the truth, and when we accept ourselves first our expression has a natural flow.
I read this today as if for the first time Byrony and noted that you have covered just about all my fears about expressing that I am holding or have held at one time or other in my 60+ years of life. And furthermore you have expressed extremely well and in great service to humanity for this is a very inspiring blog. As a very wise man once said . . . expression is everything . . we need to express ourselves in full for what we don’t express destroys us and what we do express sets us free.
Expression can be in so much, just the way we drive and respect other drivers can be an expression that affects many people, let alone the obvious one… the way we speak.
What I have learned in all my years of holding back is that by not expressing we are actually causing a disharmony in the body, I will go as far to say a war in our own body. We are born to express all that we are and all that we are is far greater than our feeble minds can fathom. To get back to ‘all that are’ we must start expressing ourself in full and not worry if we are understood or not, or whether we say the right thing or not or whether we have stepped on another’s toes by speaking our truth, as the greatest dis-service is NOT expressing and we have to start somewhere.
So much of my expression has happened through roles e.g. being a mother, being a wife, being a grandmother or friend. Each of these areas have dictated the ‘permissions’ of what I could say or not say. Realising this has helped me started to explore what expressing from ‘Me’ as a woman is like and how new this is. Natalie Benhayon has opened the way for sharing as women and exposed the beautiful essence we carry within us that the world so desperately needs. Expression as women is so much more than words and can be felt in those women around us that are claiming it and living it through their body everyday. Thanks Bryony for sharing so honestly.
This is a great point you make Christine about how we have learnt to express ourselves through our roles. We can become very competent at this and use this to dismiss what really matters – the qualities that we are actually bringing. When we focus only on our skills and talents we are the first to be rejecting the undeniable divine qualities that we are here to reflect.
Expression to me is not hiding behind a story or a lie. I often am late and play small in order to fit in with humanity but in that less, everyone misses out. I am very inspired by your article, I am going to express all of me today. With how I walk in the door and place my bag down at work, in every detail and thought I choose, thank you, late or not, there is no need for shame and games.
Loving discipline, I like the sound of that! I think the challenge for me is getting use to feeling the tension and not panicking that I have failed when I feel it.
Deepening our expression and trusting to be more open and honest with ourselves and thus everyone else, is the greatest gift – thank you, wise Sage, Serge Benhayon, for consistently reminding us that ‘Expression is Everything’
“As well as the more obvious ways of expressing through being more open and honest with myself and others and through physical ways such as my hair and what I choose to wear, other ways are just as important: how I move and hold my body, the quality of my smile and knowing the difference between expressing a truth and reacting against something”.
Absolutely we all have a responsibility to express, and yes it does hurt if we hold back from expressing, ‘What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?’
Yes, people can often forget this, ‘that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression’. We are always expressing.
Such a great blog to read again. I love the point you make at the end Byrony ‘…that there are a thousand ways to express ourselves…’ – it is so true. I now realise that we in fact are always expressing through movements, walking, how we talk, how we dress , how we eat, how we are with people, even how we stay silent and not speaking up is an expression. What I have discovered and am continually learning, through the Ageless Wisdom Teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon, is that being aware of the quality of our expression is what allows us to be aware of what and how we are choosing to express. If we are in connection to who we are in essence, then we express what is true. When we are not we then are expressing from a quality that is not true as such is fed by thoughts of nervousness, anxiousness, being not good enough, wanting attention, our hurts etc. As when we are truly with ourselves we meet every moment with our true expression.
As long as we make our expression solely about ourselves with an agenda behind it of what we want to achieve, whether that is hide and fly under the radar or be noticed and get recognition, it will not be our true expression as we do not show ourselves in all that we are but just aspects of us that we want to display at the time.
‘What does expression mean to you and how do you express yourself as a woman?’ Thanks Bryony for a great blog and posing this question at the end. For me expression is so much wider than I used to think it was – it is in everything I choose to do and say and also the way I move. Expressing myself as a woman has been a journey of exploration for me after spending many years avoiding acknowledging the depths of my delicateness and fragility I am now enjoying exploring my femininity and expressing this in, for example, the clothes I choose to wear but also in choosing to not hold back in expressing myself in full to others.
I am only realising how I have had a limited view on what expression is. I literally saw it as something that was written or spoken, but never considered it outside of that. It’s like the word creative just being associated with art. How we limit the true understand of words but this also places limits on us to. Everything about how I move is expression, every choice is expression, how I treat myself, how I treat others, how I get myself ready for the day, how I walk. Everything literally is expression.
“I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression. ” Isn’t this such a common phenomenon? So many of us go through life holding back from saying what we really feel for whatever reason – whether that be not wanting to rock the boat, fear of being judged, getting it wrong……the list is as numerous as the people there are holding back. But do we consider in that holding back that we are actually making a choice, and a very deliberate one at that, which is clearly expressing to everyone else that we actually don’t care enough about them to express what we are feeling? Holding back is not personal business, it is a universal choice that affects the whole of humanity and then some. Do we not therefore have a responsibility to express ourselves to the best of our ability?
I often have to check-in to the way I express myself. Often ask myself is this contribution for the group or for me to get a kick out of it?
And if we haven’t expressed ourselves the way we would like in a very long time, expect some cobwebs to fly out and don’t be afraid to get it wrong.
Value what you have to say.
Expression is for you to confirm and for another to en-joy.
Expression is not fancy I am understanding more and more that it is evolving and there is no requirement how it should look. All that is required is trust and no what your connection to your body feels like to come back to time and time again.
I would go further than that Rik and say that it’s trust only at the very beginning when you’re delving into expressing yourself fully. From there, trust itself is no longer required because what is connected to and claimed is the absolute knowing that we have within. When we have that in our foundation, we express what is there needing to be expressed in that moment, no more no less, instructed by this knowing that is unwavering in our bodies.
The more I embrace expressing myself as a woman in all aspects the more this unfolds and supports me to express further. The more I am open to reading others expression the more I recognise how damaging my unspoken expression has been in the past and I now increasingly choose to not hold back expressing in my fullness.
Thank you for sharing this Bryony. I am realising that holding back for fear of ‘getting it wrong’ or ‘looking a fool’ is still all being expressed through my body in my movements. As I learn to say what I feel I can also feel the freedom in my movements.
This is a great article Bryony, I have and still do let stuff stop me from expressing myself, I can honestly say that it takes a great commitment and trust in my deep inner knowing, that I have yet to fully appreciate and accept, yet know to be absolute for me to feel absolutely solid in my expression. When I allow this connection it is easy to express, or to not, if that is what I feel at the time.
Expression truly is every part of who we are. A lack of expression is really holding back who we are. When we hold back who we are something else comes through – that’s not who we are and this is what people then get. We have a right to express who we are!
When we consider Expression as all you say Bryony, we start to see the incredible power we have to constantly communicate in all we do, to emanate and explain love, to represent and relate regard. Every move we make is saying something. So let us live in a way that holds back nothing and is free of fear, that flaunts our quality day and night, that is a celebration of all that is right, for this is the way we are designed to be.
If we can just manage to stay in our bodies, we can talk to as many people as we like… Because the intelligence of the body is extraordinary… We can know just what to say, how to say it, how to move when we say it, and then expression moves from a fear filled state to that of a very fulfilling experience
Expression is everything – and what I am learning is that non-verbal expression (such as the way I move, dress, eat, sleep, do my various activities throughout the day etc) holds a quality no different than verbal expression… So I am reminding myself that it’s not whether or not we are expressing, but the quality in which we are choosing to express…
Thank you Bryony, I really loved your article, it has given me much to ponder on, expression has been difficult for me in the past, wanting to hid, play safe, and when I have tried to express it has been loaded with anxiousness, so I know what you are sharing, but slowly that is now changing as I am embracing more of me in gentleness, realising that I am of value and I do have something uniquely me, to offer and to share.
Love this Bryony, you are speaking a language of responsibility that not many of us are aware of when it comes to truly expressing in all forms. Yes, we can hide behind many different facades but as you realised none of them serve us or anyone we are with. What I’ve come to see more clearly recently is that I am only an imposter when I am not being myself, and there has been a big part of me that has not wanted to choose responsibility for being me and in turn has played in the miserable games of not being enough. There is nothing more beautiful than to see someone choose once again to be themselves, and in-turn remind another that they too are enough.
What is extraordinary about ‘ recovering’ our expression is that it can be simply by itself, a very powerful healing… This takes a degree of understanding, and reconnection to oneself, and then, literally, it can be miraculous.
The freeing up of that long held tension in my body is gradually loosening up its steadfast grip why! I am learning to express. As I sit here in appreciation of this brilliant blog as I truly feel/realise “I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others”
The more stillness/connection that I have in/with my body the more I can ‘feel’ those words that need to be expressed.
Marion, thank you. I really needed to read your words this morning! Communicating based on what I feel needs to be said from my body, and not what I think needs to be said from my head, is an amazing process. The more connected I am to me, the easier this becomes to just let it all out and not hold back. Not in a venting or loaded way, but just in the simplicity of expressing what is there to be said, without investment, need or emotion.
to simply keep returning to the feeling in our bodies, to be able to be present, and to draw on this connection in our expression, is something that is accessible to us all… At the start it seems like a huge mountain that is impossible to climb, but over time and with practice and with the process of reconnection, what seemed impossible starts to become absolutely natural and is actually enjoyable ☺
It is a great blog, Bryony. It made to ponder on my expression. My challenge is listening to my body more carefully and know from it when to speak and when to keep quiet.
What a great blog Bryony and very timely for me to read at the moment! I am finding that the more I can stay connected with myself, the more freely I can express. The more confident I feel in myself, the less concerned I am about the outcome. I also have taken on board what you have said about our expression being much broader than just the verbal side of things. I realise that while I am often paying attention to one part of me, I have forgotten to consider other forms of expression that are simultaneously going on eg my posture or how I’m dressed etc. This is a good reminder that the concept of expression is very broad and can’t be narrowed down to a single focus. Thank you.
As you have shown here, true expression can be deeply healing for all those blessed by hearing it and therefore worth letting go of whatever is holding us back or getting in the way. The key to this I feel is in truly accepting yourself first and then living in honour of that, from there everything you express is a beautiful extension of the relationship you have with yourself and the confidence that emanates from within.
Thank you Bryony for a great article, I have found it difficult to express because of wanting to please and not wanting to upset anyone, so I kept myself hidden so as to keep safe. I didn’t realise that not expressing, I really was expressing. When I express from my body in truth, I am sharing me, with all others in equality, and this is indeed a beautiful experience.
Everything we do and even everything we are is an expression and quite a strong expression. If we don’t say anything, that is a strong expression by itself. If we hide, that is a further strong expression. Whatever we do or are, is an expression that affects all around us. We have a choice what that is, always.
Great Article Bryony, the fear of expression in public is so pervasive that it inhibits peoples enjoyment of everyday life, and what you are saying can really help people to feel that it is possible to move out of this fear and to feel how lovely it is … to simply express.
Expression comes easily and naturally once we are ready to deal with the consequences of us expressing the truth or love. It means that we sometimes get it wrong and that can hurt, it means that many times it superficially looks as if we got it wrong because others reacted to the truth or the expression of love and they could react strongly simply to the way we walk or smile or look at them, it means that we get a stronger and stronger magnetic pull so people want to be around us, want to speak to us so we feel where they are at for longer, it will give us a lot of joy and it is overall quite amazing.
Sometimes the reaction is too strong and people do not want to be around us. That’s ok too. Everyone has a choice.
Our responsibility is to express from love and trust-the rest is taken care of.
“Expression comes easily and naturally once we are ready to deal with the consequences of us expressing the truth or love…” – great quote Christoph. Roughly translated, what this means is we are then taking full responsibility for our expression and not shying away from letting people have the full benefit of our light (energy) without holding back. My experience is that the more I value myself, the more amazing I feel and it doesn’t matter what people think of me. I’ve stopped blaming the world for the ‘cold shoulder’ and am beginning to accept responsibility for what I give out I get back.
Exactly. To express ourselves then means we simply state what is there to be stated, as it is. We do not bend or shape this expression according to some idea. Once we have expressed what is there, then it is an excellent idea to also communicate it in such a way that the other can easily make sense of it and over time we may be able to combine both at once.
“When I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel.” You have clarified here Bryony just how this need leads to hurt as we hold back and impair our natural flow. We can think we are being ‘supportive’ ‘caring’ or ‘a good friend’ but are we being true? or just manipulating people so we can feel more comfortable in the room? The truth you show is there is nothing we need from others, when we accept and honour ourselves completely this way.
For me I am learning that expressing as a woman it has to come from my body and how it feels. There is a certain quality that comes from my body that doesn’t want to be held inside. I am learning that holding myself back hurts myself and everyone far more than allowing myself to be me.
“I used to secretly think that expressing myself through wearing make-up and nice clothes was for other ‘insecure‘ people and in my arrogance, liked to believe that I was somehow better than anyone who chose to express themselves in this way, because ‘I didn’t need to’.” This was really arrogant indeed. And a truly silent exercise in comparison (I am better than they are). And all of that to try to control how others react to me (judge me). Life can easily turn into damage control as a foundation for our expression.
“What does expression mean to you and how do you express yourself as a (wo)man?”
This is a great question. It means two things for me: To be truthful which is the same as being loving and to accept the hate and jealousy and the envy that comes my way when I express truthfully and shine. It doesn’t mean I have to let it into my body – that would be pointless and harmful but I accept the other’s choice as me trying to express in such a way to minimise their jealousy doesn’t work at all.
All that happens is that I strangle my expression and still get the same jealousy directed at me anyway as the jealousy is for who I am, less so for what I do.
A great sharing on the critical importance of true expression – for ourselves and others. The reality that not expressing can actually harm us and others is a big responsibility wake-up call. But it’s only when we express from what we truly feel, from truth, that it ‘feels real and others respond to that truth and connection’. Anything else is just space filling and noticeably so.
I have also for most of my life tried to go under the radar of judgment and abuse by not expressing. It is a great revelation that we are expressing all the time whether we are trying to hide or whether we are expressing openly. Our expression is felt regardless and it has an impact, so we might as well make sure we are in a loving energy when we express and then go for it. I have seen the fallacy of trying to withhold my expression in order to avoid judgment or abuse through the example of the most loving, wise and honouring person I have come across, Serge Benhayon, who expresses a consistent level of wisdom, love, truth, honouring at all times and with all individuals. Thousands have turned their lives around and would attest to how much they love and appreciate him, yet there are a handful of individuals who have been making the most awful lies and rumours about him. Has he stopped expressing? Not for one second, he simply carries on – consistent level of love, truth, honouring at all times and with all individuals including those who are throwing abuse at him. I am deeply inspired by him and know more than ever that holding back my expression and trying to go under the radar is not the way.
Expression is everything for me now and it is an ongoing process for me to not hold back what I was truly feeling – to answer your lovely question Bryony. Your blog is amazing and I love your honesty. This sentences was an important one for me: “But when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel.” I for myself found out that this is really the best way to express as well – but I have to admit that I have to choose to express like this otherwise I fall for my old behavior and be silent.
How we express ourselves in all we do makes such a difference. Yesterday I was feeling very tender with myself and as I served in the shop and wrapped up goods I noticed the care that I was taking and it felt lovely. Interesting that although I should have been on my own in that area people kept coming to sit near me to take a break, not necessarily to talk but just to be near me and be still. Sometimes I felt them watching me.I didn’t feel self-conscious like I might have done in the past but instead felt that we were supporting each other, naturally so.
Thank you Bryony, a timely article about expressing myself. “I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression.” I feel like I have been very hard on myself, (realising this is an expression is huge) and you have offered me some support to “accept myself first”. I am living with other people and want to be an ‘equal’ contributor, but this is coming across as a ‘trying’ and a ‘doing’, rather than like you say, a being with ourselves and sharing this with others. Thank you for the inspiration!
I really enjoyed reading your article Bryony, ‘ when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel’, I too experience that if I think I need to say something in a meeting or with friends and I force it out then it comes out nervously and doesn’t really make sense and feels awful, I love your example of accepting yourself first and expressing what you truly feel, very inspiring.
Thank you Bryony for a simple and clear blog which shines the light on the many ways that we are expressing ALL the time in every single detail. And what is more we are all clocking the quality of this expression in each other ALL the time. What struck me today is the question – “How do I express myself other than in words and how can I use each moment to express myself – even if it’s just to me?” This is so important as I can ‘forget’ that it is necessary to express to myself honestly in words and if I am not how can I expect myself to express honestly with others? I have learnt that how I am with myself impacts on how and what I express with others i.e. if I am loving and caring with me then this is the quality with others.
Bryony I can really feel where you are coming from with your expression. I have always found it hard to know when to express, is it something that others will want to hear is there an opening for me to say what I would like, is it relevant to the conversation and so it goes on. I have improved over the past year having been part of a Womens’ Group for awhile, this was amazing for me and I am grateful for the confidence it gave me to speak out more. Thank you for sharing your journey.
This is HUGE, Briony … ‘I’m learning that there are a thousand ways to express ourselves as the true women that we are, and that every moment is an opportunity to express myself, if I choose it to be. As well as the more obvious ways of expressing through being more open and honest with myself and others and through physical ways such as my hair and what I choose to wear, other ways are just as important: how I move and hold my body, the quality of my smile and knowing the difference between expressing a truth and reacting against something.’ When I ponder on this, I can feel myself starting to get rather overwhelmed ….. there is nowhere to hide (something I’ve thought I’ve been rather good at, ha ha, who was I kidding), then I remind myself to breath ….. all I have to ‘do’ is be myself, to choose to connect back to me and bring that in each moment.
A great image, ‘the massive PR campaign in my head’ . We all have these campaigns running… and finding the off switch is one of the first steps to true energetic freedom.
Bryony, great question, one that has got me thinking. Much like you I have and still do hold back my expression for many self-created reasons. Fear, criticism, judgment, embarrassment and the big one lack of self worth. Feeling worthy that my expressions one that is needed has been my biggest hurdle to learning how to express. Building my self love and appreciation has and is a road that brings me to greater appreciation of my expression.
So your awesome question…
‘What does expression mean to you and how do you express yourself as a woman?
Expression means everything to me. As a woman I express myself in my eyes, my movements, my body, my choice of clothing and makeup…. The obvious things. I also express myself in the quality of my touch, my deep appreciation for self and others and for the depth of the woman that I am and am discovering more of each and every day. My expression grows and expands like a blooming rose. The quality of the stillness within me is even my expression.
Bryony thank you for this beautiful blog. You have given us all much to consider. 🌹
‘What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?’
Ouch ouch ouch. So true Bryony and I have felt this just recently. I held back and I felt heavy and then I chose it express with love and I felt awesome and so did the person I spoke with. My body actually expanded.
A great blog to revisit and something new always stands out for me to be inspired by, this time this line was perfect for me to hear today – ” I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression.” – Love what you have shared here Bryony.
To truly be in the ‘present’ in ones body, conscious and aware, and then to express from that awareness, is like tapping into a never ending waterfall… expression then can just flow through us in whatever form we choose. Once experienced, it become the lodestone of what expression really is and can be, and then of course , we have to live in such a way that we are in that conscious presence all the time.
Bryony I am at an interesting point in my life as regards expression. In every relationship where I have held back from expressing my truth I now feel so physically uncomfortable that I am choosing to express the truth that I held back from for so many years. I am having to really watch how I am doing this though as having not expressed for such a long time there is a real danger of expressing without love and that is of course very damaging.
this is great Bryony! Are we expressing ourselves for ourselves? or are we TRULY expressing?
Love your expression Bryony. What you have shared is so true – ‘that there are a thousand ways to express ourselves as the true women that we are, and that every moment is an opportunity to express myself, if I choose it to be.’ That the quality of the relationship and connection that we have with ourselves, who we truly are within, and the truth that we feel is reflected in everything that we do. I love that in essence we are all love, equally grand and beautiful yet through our expression we sparkle with our own uniqueness, equally brilliant.
I am so with you on this Bryony! Quite often we mistake expression for speaking up. You hear it often how one should speak up for themselves, be noisy, be heard but I find there is so much more to life than merely speaking up. I find as a woman the most important expression I bring to the world is my stillness. From stillness all things blossom and bloom. When I stay connected to this deep stillness within and I honour what I feel. It is from stillness that I feel when to speak, listen, what to wear, how to move, where to be, what is called for at this moment.
The body’s expression does speak loud and clear yes, even when no words are spoken. Beautiful.
Thank you Bryony for the reminder that we are constantly expressing whether we choose to say something or not – we are still thinking and this is felt by those we are with. I too am learning to express more freely and let go of all my hang ups of what I have to say not being what others want to hear and self-criticism of when I do speak.
There is no end to ways in which we can express – it is an amazing and life long experience to ensure every expression is from who we truly are.
What I have recently been aware of is just how tense and rigid my body can be when holding back expressing how I feel, so I spoke up but even then it felt reserved. Speaking up is one thing but what this situation showed me is how I can tailor or constrict how and what I say just in case it gets taken the wrong way. Even that in itself has shown to be a level of guardedness and mistrust in what I have to say and an investment towards a certain outcome, I guard myself incase it doesn’t come back the way I wanted it to. Thank you Bryony for this blog as you shared how when you chose to just accept yourself and accept what you felt over and above any outside situation that there is a difference in delivery and how you felt afterwards.
I love how you wrote ‘every moment is an opportunity to express myself’ as this is very true and something I often forget as I go through my daily life. Great blog Bryony
I’ve recently learned that expression is everything and that we are expressing all the time. And as you say Bryony, even silence is a form of expression. I’m on the UK Universal Medicine Retreat and for two days I’ve had dryness in my throat, and a feeling that I’m holding back from fully expressing who I am, all of the time. I am able to observe this with acceptance, not judgement. I acknowledge that I am more at ease expressing one on one, than within groups of people where I often feel ill at ease. Rather than hide from this, I see it as an opportunity to go deeper and explore what stops me from participating more in groups.
Beautiful Kehinde, I love what you share. I never wanted to speak up in groups, especially with meetings I would never say anything or would get really anxious if I forced myself to say something so at least people would think that I also have something ‘intelligent’ to say. I can still get nervous in big groups but just by observing it and like you say, not judging, more and more I come at ease and I actually enjoy presenting in front of a group now. Its a great exploration indeed to see what stops us from expressing.
Mariette thank you, accepting where we are without judgement is the foundation. I too enjoy presenting in front of groups. Speaking up in groups and meeting is where I hold back. I’m beginning to understand why I do this. If I am in my head and not fully with me, I become detached, and if I detach from myself, I detach from everyone else and this stops me from fully participating.
Great blog Bryony. Expression to me is in everything I do. It’s how I prepare myself for my day, what I wear and how I wear it. How I move and how I hold myself. How I speak, what I say and how I’m saying what I’m saying to who I’m saying it to. I love this question you have posed – “What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?” This feels so true for me.
What a great, simple blog Bryony. There is much in this piece of writing for me but this sentence stood out ‘But when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel’. Accepting myself and where I am at has been huge but as I commit to loving and appreciating myself more and where I am at, accepting myself and expressing is becoming easier than ever before, even though I can still feel this wanting and neediness from another – it just shows me there is room for more love and an honouring for me!
Lovely to read your blog on expression Bryony. This is something I am working on myself,and appreciating myself more fully for being honest in how I feel and express.There is always something more to learn, an on- going adventure.
Thanks Sue for expanding that appreciating ourselves for the honesty of what we express is all part of of it. I’m feeling more and more aware of how horrible it feels when I know I haven’t expressed clearly or honesty. I love the ongoing adventure of it too.
Bryony, that is a great question. How do I express myself? I feel what is there and say it – and learn.
I have become very honest with myself when I come from a neediness and express from that place. So then there is a need in my expression, wanting something from the other through my expression. I am learning to love and to express without a need, and this is a whole new journey for me. A journey which invites me to deepen my own relationship and to love myself even more.
Bryony, what a great blog!
What I have learned over the last few days is that a lot of us make all these decisions to hide in one way or another in order not to attract jealousy as that is something we really can’t handle. In may case it is expressing the love that I have and am.
Thank you Bryony for opening up the myth that we think that by choosing to staying silent we are not expressing and no one will notice. Knowing that we are expressing at every moment, how we move, how we stand, through our eyes so much is being communicated all the time, that we can not stop expressing even when we think we aren’t.
So true Alison. And wow through our eyes we are so expressive aren’t we?
It is wonderful to discover who we truly are and express from there. A wonderful sharing Bryony.
A powerful reminder Byrony of our expressions as women and to not hold back sharing the truth of who we are.
Thank You Bryony, we do have a responsibility to express, but speaking out is one of the most crippling things in society today. There is just so much that goes on in people’s heads, so many old records playing, litanies of lack of self worth, so it is great that you are choosing to write about this. Every time someone like you breaks through and does express themselves, it is an inspiration for all those who’ve known you, and are connected with you, who have known you as the one who didn’t express, and then, voila, there you are really saying how you feel, and being heard. What an inspiration.
This was so beautiful and a timely reminder to connect, feel and be loving in the process of ‘learning to express’ oneself. It is an ongoing unfolding, to read a situation, a person and to express in full, not holding back, but to also ensure you are meeting that person in love and understanding to where they are at. This is a constant learning one that i am learning to bring that love and understanding to myself also in that process.
Bryony, thank you. Reading your blog was perfect timing as today I attended an expression workshop. It was amazing to identify how much I actually hold back when presenting to others, and learning that if you hold back another force or energy comes in that is not me retarding me further through nerves or anxiety or not knowing what to say. By surrendering to myself I could relax into the process and express my truth in the fullness of who I am which in turn created a sense of equality in the group. Wouldn’t it be amazing if we all expressed the truth without holding back?
Absolutely! I’m increasingly aware of the huge effort that I put into holding back and doubting what I say.. and what a crazy waste of effort and time this is. How much more energy might we have if we stopped putting barriers in the way of all that is naturally there to be said?
The more we allow ourselves to overcome fear, anxiety, comparison etc and just express – the more we come to realise the absolute truth in what Serge Benhayon has been saying for so many years..”expression is everything”. I love how you are unfolding with your expression, being conscious of every area of your life where there is the opportunity to express who you are in your fullness. Absolutely lovely.
I love this Jo. Serge Benhayon has said “expression is everything” and I am really catching on. It in what I say … what I don’t say. What I do … what I don’t do. Who I am and every single choice I make. All the time. Expression is an opportunity to evolve. ✨✨
I love how you explain the difference between expressing to achieve a goal and expressing from a connection with oneself, expression being a natural part of that connection, Bryony. It’s something I find requires my constant awareness of and that it is only the latter, expressing from connection, that really works for me and feels lovely.
I agree Coleen, you can feel the quality of our expression in how our body feels.
“I failed to appreciate that NOT choosing to express myself
is also a way of expression” Bryony, this was big for me.
I used to keep quite because I didn’t like confrontation,
but it was always then so confronting for me. Every time
I choose to not express my body feels like it is holding back
a wall of true expression, I would then spew it out and it never
felt right. Now I feel that the more I choose to express in the
moment with no judgement on myself, how it naturally comes
from my heart and is delivered more gently. This feels so lovely
letting go of the trying and just being me.
Denise, I was just about to appreciate the same quote from Bryony about her realisation that “choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression”.
Feeling into these words, and from awarenesses I’ve gained on the path of allowing my own full expression to simply ‘be’ all that it is, naturally and without hindrance, I can’t help but feel the enormous EFFORT that goes into holding back the expression of who we are – and what a choice in expression all the same, that this is.
I love the sense of appreciation in Bryony’s words, of allowing just ‘what’s there’ to be, and also having some fun in the exploration. We can indeed look deeply at what’s going on with our own expression, and yet also be quite playful in our discovery and allowance of the sparkling self that may well have just been busting to let itself be expressed in this world.
Another awesome blog, Bryony, thank-you!
‘But when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel.’ This has been a great learning for me and I notice how important it is to stay present in meetings, when I am not present I choose to go in my mind and doubt what to say and how to say etc to be accepted. When I am with myself then it is as you say just allowing myself to express what I feel is true.
Gorgeous Bryony, you bring up much here for us to consider why we might not express ourselves in full. I can relate to many of these points, and a big one for me is not trusting that what I have to express is worth it. As I appreciate myself more, I feel more confident in saying how I feel.
Thankyou Bryony for reminding me that expression is so much more than what we say verbally. Its so important to express and not hold back…I find it really hurts my body when I hold back any form of expression. In the last year I have been having lots of fun expressing through clothes and makeup. I especially love expressing through the clothes I wear…I love how fabrics drape the body and how flowing delicate fabrics move and interact. I have also noticed how I can use clothes to protect and hide…so its been such a great exploration looking at my clothes choices and how it is all part of my expression.
It is so true that every moment is an expression–how we sit, how we stand, how we breathe, how we move even on top of the more recognized forms of expression such as speaking, writing, dressing up, wearing makeup etc. And our every expression is a rhythm that either supports healing or not.
“our every expression is a rhythm that either supports healing or not.”
I love this 1heart1love1earth it is so true everything we do is either harming us and those around us or healing us and we have this choice every single second of every single day.
” Our every expression is a rhythm that either supports healing or not.” That is beautiful – and beautiful because it is true and spoken from connection. Thank you, 1heart.
I love this line ‘our every expression is a rhythm that either supports healing or not’. and the rhythm we live in, we choose can only come from one source, so either healing or harming.
After the weekend workshop with Chris James, ‘Discover your true voice’, I have learned more about true listening. It is amazing how much we express when we are listening, and then I mean true listening. If we truly listen, we express to the other that we are there, that we are present, that we don’t judge nor sympathize and that all of our heart is with what is being said. Now how wonderful is that.
Absolutely Mariette! I too am becoming aware of the extent of expressing when we are truly listening. It is no less than any other form of expression yet I have in the past made this so.Sometimes I can go into sympathy and be judgemental but I am learning to observe these thoughts and come back to being present because it is beautiful and honouring of the self and the other to express in this way and something I have not appreciated in myself. Thank you for comment.
This is a great expansion – true listening being true expression. What am I expressing when I am listening another, holding sympathy or judgment, or not even being present? Thank you, Mariette and Caroline for your comments – you have offered me something I hadn’t put much energy into.
So true, that how we walk, open a door, look in each others eyes for example is expression too. Beautiful blog of how important it is to express in every shape or form.
Yes, Steffi, that has been my experience too. Everything we do is expression and it can be done with love and awareness and over time we have more and more momentum which makes it easier and easier to express with love in our daily life and activities and everywhere else as well.
Great what you share here Steffi, expression is not only about words and what comes out of our mouth, We express all the time, with everything we do and how we do it. Sometimes words are not even needed, but we express with being silent and just being present.
I have held back from expressing most of my life and had the tag of “shy” which made it even harder to express and share what I had to say. Sometimes I have felt there was no space to express in a conversation which is something I still need to look at. Since joining a truly lovely Women’s Group in the past year I am finding the space is there if I choose to take it and allow myself to flow within the group. And sometimes just being silent ( as was mentioned by Mariette) is OK too.
A great blog Bryony thank you.
It is all about expressing. With or without intention. This is a very big subject and it runs very deep. Bryony, thank you for opening up on this subject and well said.
When I really express how I feel and it comes from my body, my whole voice changes and how I communicate is completely different. There is all of me in it, more authority, love and truth. Yes sometimes in my expression I don’t have to say anything, no words are needed and I am expressing by just being there, being silent, which does not mean that I am not expressing.
Bryony this is great and very relatable, your words on public speaking, “But when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel”. YES it does indeed all boil down to self-acceptance aha! and of our own greatness too in expression……because this then naturally removes the need/investment for others to accept us. Aha again. It’s only in the lack of self-acceptance do we find we get distracted believing that we are not good enough in what we say/its delivery and therefore always look for or to an audience’s confirmation. Then our expression gets muddled! When we don’t get the confirmation from outside we are always susceptible to feeling crushed, which knocks confidence, reducing further our expression. Acceptance is then self-confirmation – which leads to CONFIDENCE in expression.
in reading your blog i was struck by how i can still use make up in a way that hides the things i don’t like to see, like blemishes or dark circles. I realise that in this way i still feel i need to be something other or more then i am and the key here is to accept myself, the choices i make and their outcomes in full. If i do not then part of me will always be holding something back in my expression.
Without expression we don’t get to know ourselves. I’m often surprised by what I say when I give myself the chance to just feel and express from me, from my heart. If I just let myself be me its lovely. I’m looking forward to re-reading this – there is a lot of gold to mine!
Nailed it Bryony, thank you. “But when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel” – the key to expression and “The quality of my smile”- a wake-up call to really take note of the quality of my smile- how awesome. I can feel the power of a true smile- it would blow someone away.
A beautiful blog Bryony, I like your approach as I can get nervous and lose myself when I express publicly. I feel inspired by your sharing to connect deeply and accept myself without any attachment to wanting to get it ‘right’. Thank you.
I feel I have a lot to learn about how to express myself, especially in crowds. Thank you for inspiring me, Bryony, I will take this with me; “when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel.”
I have the tendency to speak really fast, and have experienced feeling panicked and nervous, – instead of claiming the time and space while I speak. If I manage to stop and really connect to myself first, and have no expectations and not try to impress anyone, – then I am well on my way.
This is an awesome blog for constant reminder in expression, thank you Byrony. Expression as a woman, for me, is a pause before anything else. With the stillness in connection, anything that follows, flows.
I can feel that by living a life of not expressing felt like a jug continually boiling, feeling anxious all the time, not wanting to really feel what was going on underneath.
I can now feel that by giving my power away, I had a wanting in me for approval.
Always questioning myself, doubting myself, repeating this to myself to undermine myself.. I can feel how this affected the way I expressed to myself. I tied myself in knots. When I connect to myself first, I comes with a wholeness.
A wonderful ‘expression’ Bryony in your blog – about ‘expressing’! The part about expressing all the time is a great reminder to me to continue to work on the quality of what I bring to each and every moment. Thank you!
Expression is unleashing the freedom to honour the essence of who I am & is made up of all that I am.
As a woman in menopause, to express is to show the depth of my wisdom unreservedly, wholly detached from investment in others or outcomes – always without perfection!
I can relate to you blog, even the thought of expression brings the same things up for me. Great revelation that we express all the time, this part really opened up in me that I am anyway so make the choice full and amazing instead of the choice already being made for me. If we already are then direct it in fullness. We’re going to express anyway make it amazing.
‘But when I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel.’ So often when I abandon old patterns and do this, and listen to myself, I am really surprised what is there for me to express
Thank you Bryony. I can so relate to this article. I feel like I am climbing out of a pit I created through not expressing myself for years and years. And sometimes I come up against a situation which has me stumped and I go back in to my old habits again. But it is all a learning…
Thank you Bryony for expressing here so clearly and openly 🙂 I had not considered before that in not expressing something that feels true, and thinking I can hide this I am still actually expressing..ouch. Expressing as a woman is allowing all the moments through the day to be me in a quality of stillness, tenderness and beauty. This is expressed through my clothes, hair, how I speak, work, cook, thoughts I have, relationships, everything. Something which is an ongoing work in progress and is essential for myself and for everyone else.
Bryony I love coming back to reading your blog because it reminds me in a loving way that I still hold back from expressing.
When I express from the fullness of who I am, when I am truly present with myself and don’t hold back, the words flow and I do not have to think what to say, they are just there. This is still a work in progress, I have for so many years taken the “easy option’ (that is actually not so easy) of not expressing and holding back and measuring what I am going to say, that it is not as yet, a natural rhythm that I live everyday…..the rhythm of just being me and expressing, every moment of the day.
Fearful of expressing myself and choosing the ‘easy option’ of not speaking up saying to myself “never mind, it doesn’t matter” I hid the inner pain that came with it.
As I let go of this ‘hiding’ behaviour, I see the positive impact expressing my truth has on people I meet and, more importantly, my self acceptance.
That so called ‘easy option’ was far more difficult and painful.
“What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?” This is a fantastic question to ask and one that really resonated with me. I know in the past I have not considered the impact for myself and others in not expressing, but definitely can remember feeling sick in my stomach, angry with myself and others, belittled because I did not express. It is been a revelation to learn to express and share with others and understanding that impact of not doing so is vast and affects all.
Wow – what I take from this blog is that there are so so many different ways to express ourselves as women, in fact we are never not expressing, but what is important is the quality of what we express.
I loved reading about the nervous ‘garbled’ sentences. That is exactly what I was doing yesterday, and you have helped me to understand why. Thank you Bryony.
This is awesome Bryony – “choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression”, this is so important as then the focus comes back to the quality that we are expressing from, instead of whether we want to speak in a certain conversation; even if we don’t choose to speak, it is still an expression.
This is a great point Jess, it’s very easy to forget that everything we do is an expression, and not expressing expresses just as much, all be it in a different way, as when we do express.
“Not expressing expresses just as much, all be it in a different way, as when we do express” – perfect Meg
I loved your blog Bryony and I could very much relate to your words here, “I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression.” This is a great line as it is so easy to think that if we don’t say something we are not expressing. If I hold back from expressing I can feel myself hardening and my body starts to hurt across the chest, and It is easy to forget that this is still an expression, and can be felt not just by me but by everyone.
Your list at the beginning could have been me a not so long ago. However, through the support and love of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine Practitioners this is now so different. “When I let go of wanting or needing to be accepted by the audience and accept myself first, I allow myself to express from what I truly feel”. This is such true advice and I too find so true.
Thank you for highlighting the ways we can express. What stood out for me is your question regarding the responsibility in expressing and how ‘ actually staying silent hurts me and others’ . I am working with expressing myself in different ways and find it is more flowing as it builds.
“Expression is everything” great blog
This is a great blog Bryony, a subject close to my heart. I have been working on my expression all year. I was on the Chris James 3 day healing retreat recently and it was so supportive and healing, in many forms of expression. I have always held back in the past, but I am now loving the expansion and spaciousness in my body the more I express. I agree with you that “I’m learning that there are a thousand ways to express ourselves as the true women that we are, and that every moment is an opportunity to express myself.”
I can so relate especially to your first few paragraphs Bryony. I am learning about expression all the time currently and am slowly overcoming my fear of getting it ‘wrong’. I keep making mistakes! However if I didn’t even start to express outwardly then I wouldn’t be learning anything. Thanks for the reminder Monica to stay connected to my body. It make such a difference. What a surprise! Not!
Bryony, love this blog and I can so relate to what you say. I grew up with the idea of not making a fuss or standing out, and in the process of course didn’t always speak up and in doing so, I was assumed to be in agreement with others and got into this game of resentment where I blame the results I don’t like, but I didn’t speak up, silly really. I’m now learning to speak up and express more, it’s very much a work in progress, sometimes it’s not quite right as I end up saying so much from having said so little but slowly I’m learning to express how I feel and you’re right, it is so much easier when I stay connected to my body. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Such a great blog Bryony, thank you. And so true how you said that even when we choose to hold back and not express we are still in fact expressing!
This is great Bryony I was relating to all of what you said as I read and then the final question “What does expression mean to you and how do you express yourself as a woman?” an awesome one to ponder as there are so many answers for us all to unfold. A great invitation to explore our expression, thank you.
Thank you Byrony, “What does expression mean to you and how do you express yourself as a (wo)man?” – great question and feels very timely.
Thank you Byrony for your sharing and the question you have posed. This blog highlights the importance of self-acceptance and I am finding once this happens the rests naturally unfolds and my expression as a woman simply flows.
This is a great blog Bryony, it brings up so much. Not speaking truth, holding back or watering down what we want to say, wearing clothes so as not to be judged, fitting in, not being seen and the list goes on and it is exhausting. Thank you Bryony for reminding us that expression is in everything, not just opening our mouths and letting the words come out.
Such a great blog Bryony. I can relate to not wanting to draw attention to myself, so staying quiet or under-dressing and certainly not wearing make-up. And all because I was afraid of being judged. I have learnt that expression is so vitally important, and when I hold back it doesn’t go away, but just stays there until a later time when it comes out all wrong. I am learning to say what feels to be said in the moment and not worry about what may happen as a result, and also choosing what feels right to wear and allowing myself to be seen. It’s very empowering.
So true Debra that if we hold back it doesn’t go away.. just stays there, undealt with and to come out later with far more confusion/drama.
This is a strong piece of expression Bryony. The bit that hit me was “I failed to appreciate that choosing NOT to express myself is still an expression” Ouch how often have I done so. For me expression is getting me out of the way and just saying that which needs to be heard, rather than that which I want to say!
Judy I feel that Ouch too, how often have I failed to not express. For me I need to look at why do I hold back from expressing what feels truth. I am still working on this unfoldment.
For me I would say that expression is something I have over the past couple of years only started to reacquaint myself with. I feel like a dance partner who has yet to get into the rhythm with my partner (called Expression) and as such keep stumbling and stepping on their toes. Too busy focused on the moves than the flow of the dance.
I have found it starts by just letting go of what I think I should say, do or act like. When I do just express how I feel that freedom feels amazing. From a feeling of lightness in saying how I actually feel when asked, to just looking in the mirror and accepting the fact that I feel pretty or cute in that moment.
Leigh, I love how you have expressed this, I feel completely the same. I too am working on my expression and each time I stumble I am willing to get up and go again. Continuously working on expression as it feels amazing when expressing in truth.
That is so beautifully expressed Leigh.
Your list at the beginning was me even up until a couple of years ago. It is definitely a work in progress but the funny thing is the more I do express from truth the easier it gets. Thank you Bryony, awesome blog.
This is really interesting Bryony as I have realised as I read your blog that I use food to silence the real me. It’s a physical way to block off that expression. When I am the real me what I see and feel is a woman, a woman at ease, a woman who is not holding back what she has to share whether that’s verbally or physically. Things just flow when I’m being me. Thank you for sharing, especially that being silent is also expression but of a harming kind.
I love this blog and could relate to everything you said. Your question at the end,” What does expression mean to you and how do you express yourself as a woman?” I could feel myself for a moment shrink away from answering as this would mean I would have to express what I am feeling. Thank you for posing the question and exposing my reluctance to express what is naturally within me.
I can really relate to your list of all the things that get in the way of expressing from the amazing woman I am. As you so powerfully say “What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?”
I too am learning to express myself and not hold back as I have done so often in the past.Thank you Bryony.
Bryony, I am very familiar with every excuse you mention here in your blog. In fact I felt like I could have been writing it!! You expose the falseness we hide in from not stepping up and choosing to claim what is true.
“What if I have a responsibility to express, not just because it’s an integral part of who I am, but also because staying silent actually hurts me and others?” Einstein quote comes to mind something about the world will not be destroyed by those who do evil but those who stand by and say nothing. I am gently and lovingly learning to express more and more. Thank you for brining a bright shining light on the subject of expression.
Ditto Samantha! It’s so automatic for me to ignore feelings and therefore not even notice them to express. I’m just learning to notice my all important feelings then trust them enough to honour and express them
I really enjoyed reading this article and reflecting on how I express myself. I caught myself going into how I do not express myself and decided to let that go and celebrate and appreciate all that I do express. Thank you.
Wow, beautiful, thanks Suzanne. As I read your comment I could feel my wings unfurling and expanding!
I came to reading this blog just after journaling in My Cycles App. As I was writing the following message came to me for all:
Be love, be that truthfully on your body in all that you do, in every single movement, and know the glory you are and the joy you bring to the world. Remember to feel the confirmation of this in your wings and as you claim and accept the amazing woman you are. Rise up and be all that you already are!
This to me is expression in full.
Thank you for this timely blog Bryony 🙂
What a timely blog. The last few days I felt I wanted to write something. But it did not work as I had set all kinds of goals for myself. For instance what I wrote should be so awesome that everyone would be stopped in their tracks and go like WOW did she wrote that? Which made writing something good a very difficult thing as I was judging myself all the time when I was writing and it was never good enough…
Now after reading this blog I get a strong feeling of what Expression is truly about. It is an expansion of who I am and of what I have lived and thus know, it is never about creating something new that I do not know. This takes the pressure of writing something because I only have to share what I already know.
Also I feel that Expression is Everything, not just writing but also painting, making a bunch of flowers, the way I move and how I care for myself, how I dress, brush my hair, shower … and I could go on!
Thank you Bryony for opening up this topic, this is very inspiring.
Hi Lieke, I find that sharing what I know is the only way I can write. About a year ago I tried blogging about some different topics that didn’t have as much meaning to me as writing about my personal experience. I gave up on it because I was so concerned about the outcome and intent on producing something truly amazing that would serve almost anyone who read it that the content ended up being bland and meaningless. When I let go of the outcome the process is much more fun. I look forward to reading your blog!
Thanks for the reminder that we can’t ‘not express’, it is there in everything that we do
Well said Bryony. Expression is a big thing for many and for me personally so many things can get in the way and it really stops me from really communicating and connecting with people. Just now in speaking with some friends after reading this it has been revealed that I missed an opportunity by not speaking up and asking a question. Instead I chose to retreat into the mind by wondering. In effect this is a withdrawing into my mind, a retreating from my heart full expression and actually stops other people getting to know me and my unique expression on Earth.
Thanks Shevon. The more our awareness expands the more clearly we can see times when we retreat rather than express.
Expression to me feels to be a deep surrender to that which I feel within, not needing to do anything about this feeling or making up any story to go along with this feeling but rather simply allowing the feeling to unfold and be felt.
Thanks for sharing Toni. I can totally relate to this – there’s no way that I can truly express myself without first surrendering and accepting the feelings I have, and allowing myself to feel them.