Attending a women’s group has been a great support and valuable learning for me; it is something I cherish and look forward to. Just before the last women’s group, I came across some old notes that I had written from a women’s group a few years back. On the top of the page I had written a question: what does it feel like to be a successful woman?
Underneath, I had written a list of everything I thought this was. But on reading, I felt like it was a list of things I wanted to be or thought I should be. Images and pictures would come to mind next to each one. As I was reading, I could feel these were all of the things that were outside of me.
Growing up, I used to think being successful was being married and having children, having a large lovely home, a great well-paid job, many friends, holidays abroad and so on. But now, a few years down the track I couldn’t feel that any of this related to being successful. There was a large chunk missing and I realised it was a great exercise for me to do because I now know there is so much more to women. I realised that success is not measured by what we have in life.
The following month I came along to the women’s group and the penny dropped. The group spoke about a number of things; how we feel when we are on our own and how we feel when we are with others. For instance, we may notice that we change in different situations or for whom we are with. We stood up and spoke about ourselves; some spoke factually, giving their name, age, and work and some spoke about the qualities they bring.
As we continued, the women in the group became more honest and intimate in discussing themselves and taking the time to appreciate themselves. As I stood listening to the woman standing in front of me, the first thing she spoke about was how beautiful her eyes were, and as I looked into them I could see how much depth she brought through with them. They were a beautiful radiant green colour and as she spoke they sparkled. She had never appreciated her eyes in this way before and as she did so, she became more delicate and open.
Hearing and seeing her heartfelt appreciation, tears welled up in both our eyes and my mind flashed back to the list in my book. I could feel now the difference between what we think we know and what we would like to see as being successful, and what we know to be true when we feel it in our bodies. To be a successful woman is to be the real me, all of me, and to share this with others.
Standing there in front of this woman, all I could feel was tenderness in sharing together. I could feel me and her and the group all as one; a connectedness to everything around us. The list that was lingering in my head had melted away and I felt something I had never felt before, an appreciation for the qualities we bring: qualities we could see in each other and all the women around us.
I could feel what it was to be a woman, what it felt like in my body, because it felt so warm and familiar; it felt like me without any walls or masks, without the lists and the roles I play. This feeling cannot be found in what we do, our jobs, our achievements, our ‘to do’ lists, a book or in a presentation. It is very simple and it is felt and seen within ourselves, because it is within us all.
By GS
First published on Esoteric Women’s Health, 27/05/2017
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Love reading about what true success actually is. ‘To be a successful woman is to be the real me, all of me, and to share this with others.’ There is nothing more magnetic and inspiring than that.
It is a true liberation to come to a place of understanding about the long list of things we may invest in to achieve being ‘someone or to have success in life. This moment of connection with this woman confirmed that everything -love, harmony, stillness, and joy – is already within us. Coming together to deeply appreciate and advance each other in this way gives purpose to every relationship.
Dropping the lists and roles is a great start to being a woman…
I love what you have exposed here for all of us with our to do lists of achievements – there is much we can focus on there to keep us busy and looking the part of success. But when it comes to letting ourselves feel in the body and being and what actually does and does not work, it is of course a different ball game…success is not what we are sold it to be.
Thank you GS for this simple but pertinent article reminding us that it is not the external aspect of achievement that matter, but rather the quality of our relationships with self and others that matter the most when it comes to being a woman.
In my book a successful woman is one who is able to blend herself back into Life in order to reflect the fact that we are all the One Body of Life and that there is no ‘triumph over others, there is no ‘going it alone’ and there is no true standing out from the crowd. We are the crowd and the crowd is us.
I suppose the question would then be ‘what is TRUE success?’ Like the author of this post, I also felt that success was having a good job, money in the bank, loving partner and children, all of those things outside of ourselves that we base our level of self worth upon. As I have grown older and wiser, and some would say more aware, I have come to realise that true success is about appreciating me for who I am and living with a feeling of contentment that nothing or no one outside of myself can take away.
I feel very drawn to certain words and not to others, ‘successful’ is a word that my body seems to reject, regardless of how it’s used. For me the word successful seems to imply ‘at the expense of others’, I know intellectually that it doesn’t have to always be at the expense of others but there feels like their is no brotherhood in the word successful, it feels like it’s always about me or us against another or others.
I kind of get a feeling of what you mean about the word ‘successful’ Alexis. For me, it feels quite hard and that there’s a finality about it, i.e once we are ‘successful’ then that’s it, we have arrived, we have everything (we thought) we ever wanted. Could it be that success on the outer can sometimes be at the expense of the inner (being).
Sandra it’s a great point that you make about successful feeling like it has an end point, as you say like we have ‘arrived’. Whereas evolution on the other hand has no end point, it just keeps on going and going and gloriously going.
how deeply we can love another and how deeply we can love ourselves are measures of true success.
I love the simplicity of this statement Annoymous. The love we have in our hearts is eternal yet the trappings of success are transitory.
A truly successful women is always going to be a women who is open, honest, deeply caring and super enthusiastic about life. When a women has those qualities I know she is successful.
I believe that all women have those qualities at the core of their being, they have just been crushed by not only the the demands of society, but by ideals and beliefs of what, and who they think they should be, either to fulfil expectations they have of themselves or the expectations from others.
Your words have me considering the ‘climate crisis’ in the world and how we avidly measure our age, weight and IQ but ignore the environment inside me and you. What quality did we move and feel in our body today? Is it possible that it’s this rather than any recycling plan or diet that will have the true change we seek in this world?
I totally agree Joseph, true change will come about when we begin to consider the inner quality of our environment, namely our body.
Awesome analogy Joseph with the internal climate….true change comes from the inside and not the outer changes of the crust.
Wow when we get to these levels of appreciation, we know that love has no limits.
When we consider that we are all connected, we are all living in a sea of energy and that our energetic vibration doesn’t stop just because we have a layer of skin, makes us super powerful; and like you say, limitless. Love, in its truly meaning, keeps expanding and really does heal everything. All the more reason to keep appreciating ourselves for who we ARE, and not for how much money we have, how big our house is and all of that other stuff that is associated with the not so true version of ‘success’.
No where do we confirm success as the level of love we live and express, no where do we confirm women as already full and amazing and no where do we openly confirm each others’ gorgeous qualities without comparison and jealousy – to do so is a game changer and one that is being re-learned and expressed within the esoteric community.
What if success was measured by the quality of our life? I’ve always been relatively comfortable in life in terms of where I’ve lived, had friendships, relationships and jobs. But the quality has been vastly different over the years.
I understand what you mean Leigh. I spent most of life up to my early fifties searching for that certain something, that feeling of deep love and contentment that I felt was missing. Searching in all the wrong places of course, seeming successful on the outside, partner, nice home, job, children, yet still feeling unfulfilled. And then boom, the bomb dropped, all I had to do was wake up and begin the inner journey and voila, there is was, all the love and contentment that I ever wanted was right there inside me and had been there all along. And what a difference this had made to not only the quality of my life but to the quality of my relationships, friendships, the way I move and do things, and how I view myself and the part I play in the bigger picture of life.
We absolutely need to re-evaluate what true success is… otherwise we are led down the garden path of a forever un-fulfilment and dissatisfaction.
Success can never ever be for the benefit of us alone, if something is done purely for our own self gain then by it’s very nature it harms all others.
This begs the question, why DO we seek success on the outside? Humanity has been living with un-fulfilment and dissatisfaction for aeons, every since creation began I guess. The cracks are showing and getting wider and there is no remedy, no band aid, or solution that can quell the unrest – I am sure you will agree, the only way to heal the mess we’re in is to reflect true love to the world, beginning with connecting to the love within ourselves.
Profound realisation: no effort required to become a successful woman, we already are! The only requirement is to release identification and attachments with outer roles, drop into our bodies and lovingly be ourselves.
You are absolutely right kehinde2012, love the simplicity of this. We have been living in complication for far too long.
We live in a world where not only women are pressured to a certain “successful” image – it goes for men too. We circulate the same images, the same ideals & expectations for both genders, for all ages which make us feel completely crushed on the inside, yet nobody is willing to let it go. Why?
Why? Because we constantly seek approval, recognition, reassurance and love, and we just love to make it more complicated that it needs to be, all because we have forgotten how simple it can be to relinquish control and re-connect to what is already there inside our bodies.
Well said Viktoria, it is like a conditioning to belong… and though a part of us knows it is not true, we are bound with an unspoken contract to continue to play the game until such time that we say enough is enough and we realise we do not have to play by these rules at all. But nothing happens until we begin to allow more awareness and let ourselves see what is actually happening.
I really love being with other people, open and transparently so. And the more open I am, the more I feel the qualities and inspiration in others. I definitely find it easier to have this depth of connection one to one, but know that when I give myself space to breathe and stay open I can feel it with groups as well.
My definition of success has completely changed since attending Universal Medicine events. Its no longer related to any material success, outer beauty or relationships with others – altho they are a bonus. Its how I feel about myself and my relationship with myself. If I feel good inside then this is naturally reflected out to others.
If we see success as getting ahead of others or being at the ‘top’ (when in truth there is no top that is a complete illusion) and about our achievements and what we do then it is never going to be ‘successful’. Success for me is when we truly make it about people and allow ourselves to be who we truly are … no energetic barriers or protection held up but instead allowing ourselves to feel the love that we are actually full of.
It feels like a deeply precious moment when we can feel that sense of who we are embodied and appreciated – simply feeling who we are and bringing this to the world is a great blessing. The greater the transparency the more healing we offer in every moment. Connecting to our Sacredness as woman honours all other women everywhere.
‘The greater the transparency the more healing we offer in every moment.’ Yes Susan.. In transparency there is no protection, so the connection and reflection are instantly available, and this is a blessing for everyone.
Beautifully expressed Susan – love your comment.
This has been so lovely to read and a gentle reminder to not get distracted from the truth that we all have everything within us to love, cherish and hold ourselves and others in every moment
To live truly loving oneself with complete openness, honesty, truth and transparency is the greatest achievement one can attain.
If we measure success based on how far up the ladder we’ve climbed, we will never feel successful – for there are always more steps to climb.
…. and further to ‘fall’ from! Ah the imaginary ladder of success we have created to make ourselves feel ‘better’. We need to take down all those imaginary ladders and allow ourselves to feel the truth … and equalness in all.
Imaginary ladder of success to make ourselves feel better, I like that because it highlights that we know something is not right so we create these steps to make it seem like we are okay.
‘imaginary ladder of success’ takes us nowhere. As we take the first on the ladder, we’ve already left behind the preciousness of our true and sacred self. The journey is to return to, not leave self.
And the higher we climb the further there is to fall if we base our life on our level of ‘success’.
It’s funny but when I read the word ‘success’ it doesn’t ring true, not in any capacity, as in when I try and link it to the soul then it just feels totally out of keeping and I don’t feel that it’s because we have applied it to false forms of success, I feel that it’s meaning has no place in truth.
Maybe we should find a word to replace the word ‘success’ with? How about contentment. I would rather base my life on my level of contentment than my level of ‘success’.
The trouble with contentment is that what makes most of us feel content are the things that bring us comfort. Most of us start purring when we’re on the couch with a bar of chocolate, a glass of wine and a great movie.
The word ‘successful’ seems to me to convey a sense of having reached a certain point or pinnacle but that in itself is not true success because if we were to use the word successful then it would be used to describe a state of ever deepening expansion.
“She had never appreciated her eyes in this way before and as she did so, she became more delicate and open.” It is truly beautiful what a woman’s self love does for her worth and well-being, and the blessing her inner radiance offers others.
What constitutes success for most of us is not in actual fact success because it tends to mean that we have accomplished something at the expense of another, whereas true success will always benefit all others as well as ourselves.
Beautiful sharing GS. You have shared from the depth of you and so it has touched the depth of me. When someone shares from the shallows of who they’re not then it can’t possibly reach the depths of who we all are.
“I could feel what it was to be a woman, what it felt like in my body, because it felt so warm and familiar; it felt like me without any walls or masks, without the lists and the roles I play.” This is beautiful GS. A beautiful description of how you now view success.
If success is determined by factors around us (our house, job, relationships, etc.) then it will constantly shift, change or fall away because the mind, which also shifts and changes like the wind at times, will reset the goal posts constantly. Connection with whats within us however never goes anywhere, it’s easier for me to connect to more than ever. Success isn’t something I have to strive and struggle for if it’s based on connection.
I too used to think success was having it all physically and materially. No longer. Feeling content within my own skin, feeling settled, this is success for me now – just being me – and all that i am and can bring for me and others too.
This feels refreshingly, disarmingly simple. Thank you.
Success seems to be about the temporal world, our careers, our wealth, our status, our ability to ‘get on’ in the world, successful isn’t a word that we would use to describe our ability to evolve for example, ‘he was very successful when it came to evolution’, nah doesn’t work does it.
‘To be a successful woman is to be the real me, all of me, and to share this with others.’ Beautifully summed up.
there are lots of words that I would love to apply to me, successful isn’t one of them.
When we measure success by achievements we are missing out on the innate beauty of knowing and appreciating ourselves as a woman.
Love the simplicity of what you share Mary.
What a success full woman you are GS. Thank you for sharing your experience with being successful in a much truer way. Most of us are so used to looking outside of us and then to compare what feels definitive not very nice in the body at all. Looking first inside allows us to feel our qualities and opens up the possibility not only to love ourselves more – it also offers us the opportunity to stop the comparison which is so normal between most women.
And how world changing this will be, when we stop comparing and start living from a steady foundation knowing and loving our qualities and understanding the part we play in life, just like everybody else.
How awesome that you got to explore and possibly debase what a ‘successful’ women means, is or looks like and that you took the time to genuinely appreciate each other. Groups like these and moments like these are pure gold.