Dishonouring Choices, Self-Worth and Their Impact on Everyday Life

Millions of women are affected world-wide by a lack of self-worth – it is our modern-day plague. This lack of self-worth is one of the underlying reasons why many women make so many choices every day which are not only dishonouring of themselves, but can be deeply abusive; further cementing the false beliefs and negative self-talk that we are not worthy of love for ourselves or of being loved by others too. So, we could say that this is a critical topic to bring our attention and discussion to.

When we are born we simply don’t hold any of the ideals or belief systems about life that we are eventually introduced to, instead we know love through a feeling or a sense of warmth, and self-worth is nothing to attain – it just is because we are worthy of love and being taken care of. Understanding that self-worth is something natural to us means that later in life when we find ourselves compromising our true value, we can begin the process of rebuilding our worth from this understanding that we are already fully knowing of it.

Every choice we make towards a truthful reconnection lays another stone in the foundation of our self-worth and our self-love, which then supports us to make more loving choices.

As we come to further understand this, we appreciate that rebuilding our self-worth comes from simple tools and techniques being consistently applied in our daily lives, such as:

  • Beginning to nurture who we are as women and living this practically. For example, as we apply our make-up, choose our meals or prepare our clothes for the day ahead, we can do so in honour, support or celebration of how we are feeling and how we would like to express this at the time.
  • Setting up our spaces throughout our homes and at work to support ourselves and our daily needs, helping to eliminate the pressures of time, and allowing more space to enjoy ourselves in all that we do.
  • Appreciating our qualities, not just the physical things we are good at or those we believe make us successful in life, BUT the natural quality that we emanate when we allow ourselves to just be natural, without any pressures or expectations of life – feeling the very essence of who we are, before we do a thing.

When we start to add a few supportive tools such as these into our daily rhythms and rituals, we begin to see that before this we were living far less caring of ourselves than we absolutely deserve, and the root of this settling for less comes from having a lack of self-worth to begin with.

These techniques also expose the fact that we not only dishonour ourselves greatly as women, we are actually ALL completely capable of a way of living that knows exactly what is honouring of us in any moment. This comes from a very deep connection within us that always knows, from moment-to-moment, what is right and true for us and what is not, when we listen with honesty and do not compromise who we are for anything or anyone else ahead of being true to ourselves first.

To allow self-worth to develop and deepen within the relationship we all carry with ourselves takes commitment, dedication and a simple willingness to learn. It comes from a very deep sense of knowing that we are indeed all worth loving and cherishing, just as we were as newborns, and that this way of living is innate to us.

Honouring Ourselves as Women Feb 2018

So what happens when we dishonour who we are?

What I have noticed is that when we make a choice – no matter how small, to dishonour ourselves in any daily moment, we are choosing to not accept ourselves and the love that we are first, and thus the love that we deserve unreservedly. This only serves to hurt us, leading to self-loathing with behaviours and negative thoughts that lead only in a downward spiral direction!

In every single moment of the day we have another opportunity to honour what we feel and yet, if we choose to dishonour ourselves we are then living less than the natural strength and quality we are otherwise naturally attuned to, and far less than our true worthiness.

One small choice to hold back from our truth leads to further choices and movements that compound our dishonouring easily.

Before we know it a choice to hold back from communicating what we need to our boss for example, leads to a choice to overeat or perhaps settle for less than a comfortable chair that supports our posture. We may find ourselves staying up just that little bit too long or sleeping with less covers to keep us warm and snug at night, or we can hold ourselves less than another, or an entire group, and follow this by dishonouring ourselves further by turning away from the nurturing bath we felt to have.

In fact, when we dishonour the absolute loveliness and inner wisdom that we hold, we clearly begin to start accepting less in our relationships with others too – staying longer or entering into a partnership that we don’t feel is true, or creating friendships and family relationships based on an emotional arrangement of being less than who we are, dishonouring ourselves and each other and denying honesty and respect as our founding basis.

Honouring who we are and upholding our self-worth is everything to a woman.

Without honour as a basic founding relationship with ourselves, we are dishonouring all that we are here to bring and reflect in life to all others. Instead, we are left at the mercy of the unattainable ideals and beliefs of what a woman should be, act and look like in today’s world, leaving us all in the grip of the same lack of self-worth plague.

When speaking our truth with others or just to ourselves is done from a place of deep respect and worthiness of the women we are, it will be guaranteed to come from a place of love that houses the knowing that all others are equal and with a sense of responsibility to be the love that we are. We are not only worth every drop of love immeasurably, we are here to live this love outwardly too, bringing the fullness of who we are to others and every moment that we can.

Self-worth is guaranteed when we begin to live with honesty and honour in our relationship with ourselves as women.

By Cherise Holt, 33, Loving Woman, Caring Nurse and Nurturing Mother, Brisbane, Australia

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918 thoughts on “Dishonouring Choices, Self-Worth and Their Impact on Everyday Life

  1. “Every choice we make towards a truthful reconnection lays another stone in the foundation of our self-worth and our self-love, which then supports us to make more loving choices”, we have to resurrect ourselves, nobody else can do it for us.

  2. Lack of self-worth still plays out at times. However, what I have found is that when I connect to how my essence feels having a lack of anything doesn’t exist. I have to choose to sit in the lack of something for it to be there.

  3. We know who we are, where we are from and what we are made of when we are born, we are at ease with this knowing and the essence of our being. We make choices to fit into life though, we make choices to not have that bath or take that walk and each of those choices that do not honour our impulse to nurture that delicate, tenderness build a way of living that becomes normal and before you know it we are having self-worth issues!

  4. Society is full of women lacking in self love and self care, true models are hard to find.
    Thats why it is super important as women we become the change we want to see.

  5. My goodness – I have only just allowed myself to feel the depth of the lack of self worth I have been carrying around. It has been lying more deeply buried than I had known, driving my choices on such a subtle level that I wasn’t consciously aware of it. Only recently I realised the subtleties of how I have given my power away to others because of it in my body. After having gone through a number of years of healing old hurts I have got there by nominating continued patterns of behaviour without judgment and asking myself honestly why I made those choices. The answer came pretty swiftly – lack of self worth. This moment was a gorgeous ‘ah ha’ moment as I could feel the depth to which I had been carrying it. Continuing to express and claim lovingly what I need and want and honouring what supports me will no doubt lay ever firmer foundations of self love and worth, dispelling for ever any feelings or ideas that I could ever be less than the amazing being I have been created to be and am.

    1. This blog has supported me to see the same, we think they are subtle layers but the moment I see the patterns of behaviour I wonder how on earth I didn’t see them before! It is only when I recognise that these behaviours have served a purpose that I can offer myself another choice.

      1. Those choices do rather stick out, don’t they? The fact that they seem so abnormal after the insight only goes to show how utterly protected we are against life and how staunchly we have defended our hurts.

  6. I am noticing if I wake up naturally it is then time for me to get up, sometimes I override this and go back to sleep but I then end up rushing and putting myself in a stress before work. its the small changes we make to ones routine that make all the difference.

  7. What I love about this is there is no ‘doing’ involved but more of a pondering, refection and awareness of our relationship with ourselves. In a world that currently is a lot about doing with the foot held down on the proverbial accelerator this is both refreshing and supportive.

    1. Learning to check in with my quality first and to put that at the top of my priority list has shifted my relationship with life enormously. I am far less likely to get stressed, invested in outcomes or react in the way that I used to, meaning that life is much more even and there is much more space to appreciate in joy everything I have been given and everything that is on offer.

  8. “Every choice we make towards a truthful reconnection lays another stone in the foundation of our self-worth and our self-love, which then supports us to make more loving choices.” A great reminder to make it all about love!

  9. It can be felt by talking to women, how low our lack of self worth is in present society, by our constant self bashing and denigrating conversation. We can all support each other with this, by lovingly catching it and getting each other to appreciate our qualities and changing conversations. By these movements, we can all make a difference.

  10. Someone reminded me the other day that if we have a bad day we can usually track it back to how we have been sometime in the week or so leading up to this bad day, we can always find where we have been irresponsible and it is just coming back to us. Likewise when we are going really well it is us who have laid down the steps for this too. We don’t appreciate how much we do for ourselves already and how much power is in our hands.

  11. We can turn the tables on dishonouring choices and make a commitment to ourselves to honour and deeply love ourselves, we can do this at any moment and have it all within to be able to do so.

  12. Little do we sometimes realise how every movement, every thought and every choice can affect us in a much bigger way and drag us down into a tunnel of low self worth. There is another way to live that is so much more supportive when we are aware of this.

  13. Checking in with ourselves, reflecting on every decision with out judgment or criticism allows us feel, see and explore all that is evelotionary for us.

  14. Self-love is such a buzzword, it’s thrown around everywhere around us – there are over 23.1 million posts on Instagram with a hashtag #selflove. With all of this content around it, we must be experts on it, we must live it in our every breath, yet when you look around you will often see women in self-loathing, women not knowing their worth and settling for any relationship and slightest bit of attention. We have a lot to learn and before we start shouting about self-love, perhaps we can make some baby steps into actually valuing and respecting ourselves, in acknowledging ourselves as women and bringing value to that.

  15. I often think if there was no adults the children would grow up less in a mess!

    There is such imposition from the outside world that it is hard for something born into this world to stay connected to the deep well of love, purity and divinity that is there’s from the start.

    1. Sam I so agree with you, I feel we impose on our children even when it is with the best intentions. We want them to love us because we are so needy of love and miss that connection within ourselves. We can feel the love that they are naturally born with, some of us can become jealous that they have this natural love and they the adult left their well of love many years ago. Or, as I say we are so needy for the love they have we want them to love us more. Whichever it is we end up stifling their divinity and they end up like the adults bereft of the love, purity, and divinity that is their birthright, as it was ours. When will we break this cycle?

  16. Reading this is very beautiful. It does seem like I’ve got so many pictures polluting me about what it is to be a woman who honours herself the living of this feels like a very long way off, a fantasy of one day… But what you’re sharing here makes perfect sense. That each decision to ignore what I do know I then end up very far from what I know is true. So what if I just start with what I do know, like I like choosing which earrings to wear each day. This may seem basic but I choose them knowing I will be sharing this choice with everyone I meet that day.

    1. Sadly this is very true. I have to ask myself, at what point will I say enough already! Another way has to be lived and reflected that truly honours the qualities I bring as a woman. I don’t need to copy anyone else but listen to myself. I am inspired by the women I see doing this and marvel at their unique expressions.

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