I had heard from some women that I spoke to about having Esoteric Breast Massages, how nurturing and deeply honouring they found the sessions to be, so I was very much looking forward to a series of Esoteric Breast Massage sessions with a Practitioner who had been recommended to me and one whom I felt drawn to because of the deep stillness I could feel in her presence.
Over the last couple of years I had lost quite a bit of weight and my body now looked very thin. I had felt apprehensive at first, exposing my body to someone in the condition that it was in. But as I entered the room and sat down I could feel the warmth of my surroundings, and I felt like a baby being wrapped up in a warm cuddly blanket.
My connection to this practitioner was deeply felt and I knew that I would be treated with a tender delicate love, one that my body longed for, but never received. My body was presenting to us that day that it was very much starved of love, my own love.
I felt embarrassed about the state of my body and quickly covered it up with the warm cloth that was given to me. As I lay on the table feeling the gentleness with how I was being prepared for my session, tears came to my eyes, a deep sense of loss and longing came over me and with the warmth of the oil and the delicate tender touch, I could deeply surrender.
I left the session that day feeling the preciousness and fragility of my being; it was so raw and delicate that I did not want to walk out into the busy thoroughfare, so I chose to leave by the back door going straight to my car, to sit with, and to hold these beautiful feelings that had come up deep within me.
During the next session I became aware of how prominent my ribs were… they felt like bars across my chest, a cage that I had held my precious heart in… protected. As the integrity of the touch and movement of the hands (tenderly and very lovingly) massaged my body with the warm oil, I felt the hardness in my chest starting to change, and with that, the bars that had imprisoned my heart for so long were being slowly melted away. More of my heart was being uncovered and it felt so precious. And again, I left by the back door, tenderly holding my heart.
I arrived for my next visit with some anxiety through rushing to get there on time, which caused a wheezing in my chest which I would usually try to hide. As we sat down together, the practitioner, feeling my anxious breathing, commented on it, and said it was okay. With her words a lot of emotion came up for me, it was not okay, I was not okay, and with that tears came to my eyes, my throat started burning and my glands under my jaw began aching. As I began gently holding my jaw the pain soon subsided.
So much that had been held back in expressing me, I could now let go of, and my breath, which was often shallow, could now deepen. After another beautifully powerful session, I again, left by the back door, with my heart opening wider.
My last deeply beautiful session was one of confirming, claiming, and a bringing together of all that I had been experiencing in the clearing and healing of that which did not belong to the true me. Much came up for me to open up to and allow to be deeply felt during my four sessions.
After these sessions I could feel an expansion in my chest, my shoulders had straightened up, not as rolled in as before, and I could feel more of me. My heart was now opening up wider to me, to life and to the world around me.
This time, I left by the front door, stepping out into the thoroughfare of life, claiming me as the deeply tender and precious woman whom I have come to experience, and to now know.
By Jill Steiner, South Tweed Heads, N.S.W., Australia
Photography by Gayle Cue, Australia.
For more inspiration…
What do you mean, do I have a relationship with my breasts? What does it mean to have a relationship with your breasts, and why you would want one.
Read Luz’s story of how Esoteric Breast Massages helped her to connect more deeply with herself.
The Esoteric Breast Massage – one woman’s blossoming awareness.
Women in Livingness Blog 
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