Woman to Woman: Dropping the mask

How do we feel about letting people see who we really are? In the morning as we get ourselves ready, does more than make-up get applied as we look in the mirror? Do we place on a mask of one sort or another – ‘having everything sorted’; ‘leave me alone’; ‘watch out, I am fierce’; or ‘I am no good’, for example?

I have very strong support networks and I often share deeply how I feel, but is there deeper I and we can go with sharing how we feel and who we are as women?


I, like many women, have felt overwhelmed by issues that can build up. For example, there are times I have not talked about them with anyone: I attempted to resolve it all myself, and I sought no counsel or support.

I have amazing friends, so why do I not share? Sometimes the issue may bring up a lot for me to deal with, I may feel unsure, lacking in control and daunted by it, meaning I can be reluctant to share how I feel, often resulting in gradually getting myself into a state of fear and anxiousness.

However, I have had experiences where I did choose to share more of myself, to be raw and open. For example, I had an unsettled feeling in my body and it became too much to bear, (which is in fact fantastic as the wisdom of the body is not to be underestimated) however, because I had allowed it to build up, it burst out with tears and fear. A gorgeous woman with deep love and care supported me with sweetness and tenderness and I reconnected with a knowing of what feels true for me.

We have all had those experiences when we a feel a tension and possibly are emotional because we feel we are following a path that does not feel true for us, and so when I shared how I felt, I felt a return to the truth I know within me, of who I am.

A steadiness, stillness, power and clarity was felt and reconnected with immediately.

It was a powerful and healing conversation and one that allowed me to realise that I can be more open to developing relationships with more women. The woman I shared with said that the conversation had also inspired her, because I was willing to be raw and ask for support.

I became more aware that I can share myself and not hold back, and if I commit to this in a responsible manner (so not emotionally dumping on someone else), it has the potential to be deeply enriching and empowering.

There is the possibility of deep healing and connection with ourselves and others when we are willing to be raw and open with another. I felt a deeper appreciation of myself and also the woman I shared with, through being open.

So what holds us back from sharing how we feel?

Being a very capable and responsible woman, often taking the lead, often making sure whatever I am doing gets done, with or without support – it could be I have gotten used to some degree, to going it alone. And as many of us women know, there is a lot of judgment around, particularly from other women, concerning whether a woman has it together or not, if the mask slips, or if she is not coping with all the different expectations she has placed on herself, or which are placed on her.

I support a lot of people in my life and feel a responsibility with that, but what I found is that I can attempt to hold the mask up, to keep the veneer of control on. I did not want to give people cause for concern, but I also did not want them to think I could not handle life. If the masks slip, we potentially lay ourselves open to emotional attacks and judgment, perhaps being considered not up to scratch or lesser as a woman…so there’s always a choice: do we face the world transparent or do we hide behind the mask of control?

What I hadn’t realised about the choice to ‘do it alone’ is that we rely on the thoughts in our heads to sort it out.  But what is the quality of these thoughts? Potentially we keep the yuck inside… circulating and brewing, or at least attempt to, by not airing it or bringing out into the light of day and being honest. And is it possible that the more we continue this behaviour, the more we slowly degrade and erode our self-worth, clarity and our knowing of our true way of being? We can be honest with ourselves first and take steps to support ourselves with responsible choices, however there is something precious about being real, honest and non-judgmental with other women that is not utilised in society.

Could it actually be powerful and empowering to be vulnerable and transparent?

I have always felt strongly that any healing, evolving in life that I do, has to come from me, to be embodied by me to be of real foundation and have a lived quality. And although true, could it be that as women we treat ourselves harshly and somewhat twist this, in that we are not as open to relationships with others as we could be, allowing the support offered by them to develop our awareness and healing.

What would it be like to walk through life with nothing to hide and everything to share…knowing that our worth is not based on what we have, do, or the mask we put on for the world to view. Our worth comes from the fact that we are all born equal, beautiful, sensitive, and we forever have this as a truth that is not eroded by time or choices.

When we spend a life looking outside for approval, we neglect our relationship with our inner heart and the sacred woman within. Instead, we hold ourselves up against an imaginary measurement of where we think we should be, which we will never accomplish, because it is hollow in its creation.

Through this encounter: woman to woman, I have sought to develop connections with other women whom I find deeply inspiring and who I feel offer a unique angle on life for me to reflect upon. In fact every one of us has a unique angle that offers another a reflection to learn from and be inspired by.

Humanity is like one big diamond with all of us being made of the same material and essence, and yet having our own shine and angle that makes up the precious whole. True relationships have no distinction concerning blood lines. We are all connected and we can be united by what we share and understand, and be inspired by what is unique. Relationships evolve us: they offer a point of reflection that is precious, illuminating and healing.

I have become aware that if I seek connection with openness, the potential is there for intimacy and the quality of those relationships to develop. It does not need to be a ‘crisis’ situation: it can occur through developing a concept, a volunteer project, or a business. I have learned that it also does not need to be about action. We can develop a ‘way of being’ in relationships that works and flows together, and one that offers true support, intimacy and connection.

I also understand that relationships begin with our relationship with ourselves first. I am learning to hold myself with the love and care I would like from another. So walking through life working on, but being understanding of, my imperfections, and appreciating what is femininely divine by design: grace, a natural stillness, gentleness, knowing of an infinite capacity to love and be loved, honouring the wisdom of the body and expressing who I am.

Do we allow ourselves to drop the mask of control, instead embracing ourselves and each other for the wonderful women we are, issues and all, and so breaking free of the chains that bind us to ‘do it alone and look good’? There is an immense richness and depth available in relationships with other women when we begin to make it real and raw, allowing ourselves to enjoy the true freedom that having nothing to hide brings.

By Samantha Davidson, UK

For further inspiration …

Let’s get real … how honesty with ourselves and our relationships supports us to drop the mask.

For judgment to affect us, we must on some level submit to it being cast our way. Are we still holding ourselves in the past? Have we accepted our past choices?

What is true intimacy between women – and do we allow ourselves to be fully seen as who we are?

665 thoughts on “Woman to Woman: Dropping the mask

  1. Lately I am developing a deeper relationship with my mother and wow does this feel good, when we let go of our mother daughter roles and peal away another layer we find there is just more and more love = awesome!

  2. The relationship with ourselves sets the foundation and the standards that we base every other relationship on. What is our lowest marker? Are we still criticising our body or ourselves for something or other? Or are we bringing a level of understanding that offers more space to learn?

  3. To not feel the natural love and harmony with women comes from the lack of harmony within us. As I learn to open myself up to allow women in I can feel the genuine love and support that is there, a confirmation of the love I am deepening within me.

  4. It is very true that we can be inspired by the reflection of what women bring and the more I am open, willing and surrender to inspiration and all that is on offer, the more it is claimed within my body.

  5. Reading through the blog today I could feel the tremendous restrictions women place onto relationships, the narrow view we allow of ourselves and others, and the expectations we have. I agree that we can we can be very judgemental of each other often hold an ideal of how we all need to be, including ourselves, instead of being real and allowing others the space to be real also.

  6. Be open and raw even if others may judge me. OR hold it all in and judge myself and others which makes it more likely for them to judge me ( and others). The more open I am with myself the less I judge myself and others, which sets an example for others to also not judge…
    Reading this gets me wondering why I still bother with judging myself.

  7. When we let go of our masks we uncover the jewel of true relationships offering each other different reflections of the same magnificence as we grow and evolve together.

  8. I have found that the greater the “unsettled feeling in my body”, the more important is the message my body is bringing to my attention. I used to be one who would try to numb this feeling of unsettlement with food, alcohol, sweet stuff and many other ways, but I what I finally came to realise is that, when the numbing wore off the unsettlement was still there, often worse than before. That’s when I decided that to listen to my body’s messages was the wisest and most common sense filled choice to make.

  9. There is such a joy to feel when we truly open up to other women. I for sure do, I missed it a lot in life. I closed off to really let them in. It looked like I did as I was always sharing everything but I kept a protection in my body as I did not trust. This had to do with my past and a great excuse to not feel my own beauty. I notice that for every woman I open my heart for there is more love towards myself.

  10. Dropping the mask with ourselves and hence with others is deeply honouring ad beautiful to feel as i am learning to do this and feeling the vulnerability and rawness of reality that is underneath with an openness, beauty and love that touches everything.

  11. I have found the mask to be of no true benefit at all. It blocks our openness with others, limiting our connections from going deeper and more intimate. It blocks our connection to ourselves which can make us feel lonely and isolated. It is an effort to put up making us more drained and tired and it also makes us less confident with just being ourselves. It is truly worthless to us but what if there is a part of us that seeks it? That does not want deeper connections, more love and transparency in life. Perhaps there is something to gain here?

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