I remember, even as a child, not caring about what I wore. Often what I did wear was really just to hide my beauty and I used clothes to make me look ugly. One time I remember choosing glasses similar to my Dad’s, which did absolutely nothing for me. As I did not care for what I wore I got all the hand-me-downs from relatives, friends and boyfriends. On reflection they did not support me at all in being me or as a woman – they were more masculine, very simple and completely random.
As a teenager I used clothes to show off. I thought it was sexy. But rather than being sexy it was actually rather cheap as my self worth and self-confidence were just beyond zero. I was using my wardrobe to hide, to keep me small, not allowing myself to shine at all, preferring big baggy clothes that hid my shape.
When I moved to Mexico in 2009 I had the opportunity to change my wardrobe twice in two and a half years – which I did – but I still chose to hide.
It wasn’t until I started to go to Universal Medicine courses in 2014 that I got a sense that it is more than ok to be and show your own beauty. It was then that I understood the importance of clothes.
At my first Universal Medicine Retreat in May 2015 I found myself inspired to wear dresses. I went shopping on my own and began to choose and wear clothes because of how they felt rather than from a picture of what they may look like on. My style changed and I pretty much threw away all the hand-me-down clothes that others had given me. I thought I’d changed my old patterns… but I hadn’t, and it’s only recently that I have come to really understand and appreciate this.
One day I happened to read Felix Kremer’s amazing blog describing how he’d had a wardrobe session with an incredible interior designer and wardrobe consultant called Jenny Hayes, and I got so inspired. It was just so lovely and simple to see how changing his wardrobe had an effect: I could feel the joy and confidence within him, knowing him personally.
I knew that this was big for me and so I made sure I did not listen to my interfering thoughts about money but instead focused on the fact that this was my next step to truly support me. To wear clothes that support me and show ME in my actual state as a woman and where I am on my path of evolution back to who I truly am.
When Jenny came I learned so much more about myself than just about my clothes. I had already recently reduced my clothes making space in half of my wardrobe for my partner’s clothes so I felt quite prepared. I didn’t think I had much left… but I soon realised otherwise.
She would ask me to choose, and in this I could not play the game of following someone else’s lead, nor could I try and please, nor could I escape. I noticed how much I was shying away from eye contact with her. What was great was that I was able to be honest and that it was possible to share everything I observed with Jenny.
It was not just about getting rid of old clothes and buying new ones. Yes indeed that’s what happens and what meets the human eye – but I could not deny the facts of what I was feeling – there were so many emotions – so many clothes and things in my house that I was emotionally hanging on to. They were not supporting me at all, and when Jenny asked ‘where is the beauty-full and sexy 33 year old woman, that you truly are?’ I had no answer – all I could see were choices of a young girl or a granny, but nowhere was there me.
Together we went through the wardrobe and made three piles of clothes – a yes, a no and a maybe. It felt challenging to choose, but I felt so supported and I could also feel the heaviness and the sadness coming up from within me. The sadness I felt was how I had dismissed myself as a woman, hiding my beauty and wanting to please others and not disturb them: behaviours to avoid any jealousy or reactions from them. What I felt through this process was the heaviness of the mass of clothes. The process supported me to feel that I don’t need all of these clothes that aren’t me.
The next day I saw so many clothes in my room. I could not believe that these fit in half of a cupboard – and I am a very ordered person and not at all a hoarder! I started to pack it up into bags and before I knew it there were 16 bags full of clothes that were not me.
Together with Jenny I made a list of what would support me moving forward to complement the yes pile. It was already quite late for shopping by this stage in the day but we still went. We rested, chatted, shopped and got everything on the list but without even trying.
Once we were home we lovingly and systematically hung everything away – there was still a sense of space in the wardrobe which felt beautiful. The next day I was looking forward to opening my wardrobe and taking the time to really choose what to wear and to put on my make up. It felt so different.
What I came to understand was the reflection of clothes: how we feel about ourselves and how much we want to show ourselves, and how much we want to hide away. Clothes can either confirm who we are, and with that, our confidence grows, or they can dismiss who we are.
I felt more present in my body, noticing the way I walked and moved in my clothes. I started to enjoy what I felt like to be in clothes that really represented me. I started to feel more confident – which for me is true sexiness, coming from within.
Now I feel really supported in my clothes and I love to look beauty-full just for me. I know that there is still so much more to discover and the whole process of discovering who I am as a woman never ends. Our clothes play a big role in this and can either support us or do exactly the opposite and hinder us in our expression of who we really are.
The whole process supported me to feel more confident in what I felt, to trust my own feelings again, and to choose accordingly – and feel the joy in that – in feeling me, in feeling strong, and in knowing and feeling the depth of my beauty, that can only come from within. I also felt the responsibility in sharing this with everyone else: what am I reflecting to others – hiding, or, shining and inspiring others to also claim their own beauty?
I am so grateful for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, Felix for your blog and inspiration, all the students and a huge special thanks to Jenny.
by Nadine Wolfsberger, Travel Agent and Sacred Esoteric Healing Practitioner, Basel, Switzerland
For further Inspiration …
For an idea of what Jenny does, watch Natalie and Rachael as they re-style Rachael’s wardrobe, and realise it was never about the clothes.
Do we dress for ourselves, or for others? Cherise’s experience.
‘You are beautiful, you all have curves… where are they?’ – giving ourselves permission to dress as beautiful as we feel.
Women in Livingness Blog 
“The whole process supported me to feel more confident in what I felt, to trust my own feelings again, and to choose accordingly – and feel the joy in that – in feeling me…” What a beautiful blog to read Nadine, thank you. I am in a process in life in general to take more time to simply honour how I feel, to pause and allow the choice to be made that feels true for me, and not to rush through the day and sweep aside what I would like to do. It’s a lovely, empowering feeling honouring myself, actually listening to what I feel and saying ‘I value myself and my needs’ with my choices.
Nadine coming back to this blog I feel compelled to make a similar comment to one that I’m pretty sure I made last time I read your blog and that is that I feel quite stunned by your beauty. Once again I felt almost arrested by the depth of beauty in your eyes and it makes me realise the effect that we have on others without even saying a word, which is interesting for me today as I had decided to have a ‘no-make up day’ even though I am going shopping and also to the gym. I had told myself that I wanted to ‘give my eyes a rest’ from make up but I am also aware that when I wear make up that my eyes are really quite beautiful and convey a depth that perhaps is not communicated quite so well without make up.
With everything we do we are choosing to bring out our true beauty or not. Through our jewellery, though the way we put on make up. Are we dressing to celebrate the beauty we know we are deep within?
It is incredibly liberating when we dress for ourselves. We put the clothes on that we feel to wear and realise they are perfect; we feel at home with ourselves in the clothes that we have chosen.
When clearing anything out, including clothes, I have always had the three piles; yes, no and maybe. The yes and no piles are always very clear, but it is the maybe pile that undoes me every time, for if I cannot get a clear sense of which way the items are going, they will inevitably end up back in the yes pile, and then sometime later I realise that should have been in the no pile in the first place. Always a big lesson, but one I seem to continue to be presented with, so obviously even more to learn.
Great reminder that it’s not about what clothes we have but how they make us feel is the most important part.
Great to read this today as I can feel I have gotten a little lazy with my wardrobe choices. Time to get that spark back into my morning routine and have more fun with my clothes again – feeling into everyday what to wear, not just when there is a special occasion.
I find it very interesting what we choose to keep us small and contracted. If I do not feel the joy and expansion of who I am then I am choosing movements that do not support me and my evolution. This is a constant refinement as I change and re-imprint my way of being to hold more love in my body.
Nadine I love this photos, there is something so inviting when a women is standing in her own love and honouring that.
I always absolutely love clearing out my wardrobe because it feels and I feel so fresh! I recently did a big clearing and the interesting thing I distinctly noted a few hours after was I could hear more and specifically hear a stilling silence as if something had come to a stop. It seems the mass clearout had created a very specific space in which to hear and to listen deeper to all that’s there in my body and around me too.
Recently I felt to wear a pink shirt because I had a strong feeling that the colour was what was needed for another. Later I felt confirmed. It showed me that the clothes we wear coming from the connection to ourselves not only support self but others too.
When we have a clear out, whether it is our wardrobe or our kitchen cupboards the lightness we feel afterwards is palpable because we are not just discarding the physical objects but the energy that comes with it.
Inspiring indeed Nadine — you do look beautiful.
I think it’s inspiring to consider how our reflection can impact those around us – as in if we are reflecting a lack of self-worth or acceptance that is what others are receiving energetically too or if there is a communication of all that we truly are and the value of that.
Feeling the responsibility to bring and share our qualities we get to understand the true meaning of the word purpose. We can sense the bigger picture and our part in the picture.
“Now I feel really supported in my clothes and I love to look beauty-full just for me.” A beautiful and inspiring place to come to that is forever expanding in our journey to feel and express who we naturally in our essence and glory.Inspirational !
When we have clothes that compliment and confirm us they deepen our sense of harmony and wellbeing with ourselves and in the world.
‘She would ask me to choose, and in this I could not play the game of following someone else’s lead, nor could I try and please, nor could I escape. ‘ Something deeply resonated within me on reading this sentence and how it applies to so much of our lives, how we can play small and be the little girl, unsure and saying we don’t know what to choose but it’s a game and when we’re lovingly supported to see this and to stay with ourselves it opens up the space for us to be the women we are; for we are women, not little girls and we do know, and it’s for us to live and be that for ourselves and for all of us.
I am really enjoying playing more with colour at the moment, having gone through a period where most of my wardrobe had become dark blue, black and grey, I now am slowly growing some areas fo beautiful colour that allow a totally different kind of expression
I love how you describe choosing clothes that you felt really represented you and how there is a continual opportunity to deepen in discovering more of your true expression.
Clothes have always been something I wanted to avoid – not literally because I feel the cold! But all that goes with them when I wanted to hide from the world and avoid an internal mother i nmy head saying, I was bringing too much attention to myself.
What did this mean? Did it mean that I was getting too much attention from my dad and she was jealous because of the state of their relationship? And what did that attention that I got from my dad feel like? Sleazy. So it’s no wonder I didn’t want to dress sexy or have any female curves. And perhaps this is where I start because I love seeing other women look sexy in what they wear but internally I say that’s not me when celebrating each curve may actually most definitely be me. I know I can expand way more than my jeans, trainers and nice top combo – though I do it well. I love wearing dresses but for the beach. Perhaps I could wear one to work, I suspect I’ll feel incredibly vulnerable so that’s what I need to do.
I can feel a wardrobe makeover coming on which shows me that I already know which clothes are there to support me and those that are ready for pastures new.
I have a very strong feeling that if I had a session with Jenny Hayes today there would be very little left to wear in my wardrobe, and that clear out I am absolutely ready for. And that doesn’t surprise me, as with spring in the air it is obviously time to come out of hibernation and liberate the true and beautiful me.
‘Clothes can either confirm who we are, and with that, our confidence grows, or they can dismiss who we are.’ Beautifully said Nadine, I love seeing a woman expressing herself with ease and confidence, it turns heads as you can feel the love and care with what she is wearing.
I finally got the other day that it’s not the neatness of my wardrobe that counts but the love. Love can look neat but it comes with a whole lot of care underneath.
What an astute comment Joseph, one which is calling for my attention. We can make anything as neat, as perfect, as we feel to, but if how we do it does not come with love its outer appearance is simply masking the lovelessness that lies beneath. Whereas anything that is done in love has that love in every single part of it.
Yes, it is never about the discipline itself as that can be there and only would support the hiding of our love. It actually needs our loving touch and feel to choose what is in our wardrobe is still a reflection of the beautiful man or woman we are and we care about.
The neatness you share here Joseph is the valuing and respect of the clothes, the person and the quality in which we dress for the world.
I like what you share Joseph, love is the foundation of everything.
Yes and it’s not about perfection either but the quality with which the activity is done in. I can drive or push myself to finish something or I can hold back and procrastinate, I can make it look neat and tidy or even perfected but unless I have made it about the connection to my body and love then every movement made feeds creation and the emptiness that comes with that… A wardrobe filled with love – I am off to refine my wardrobe and where I am at with it and the relationship to self.
The more I claim my great wardrobe choices from day to day I am offered an ease and confirmation with each day!
Earlier this year I made an effort to sort through my clothes and to discard those items that felt awful, did not wear but kept around and items that I can hide in. What I was left with was a very small pile of clothes and some of those I haven’t worn but what I have noticed is that I am wearing more dresses, which is something I haven’t done since a very small child.
Fabric is very important to me, I love super soft fabrics and also adore very fluffy fabrics. So when shopping for clothes I am very drawn to certain fabrics and also avoid scratchy hard fabrics. Our bodies know what they love, they also know what colours they want to wear. What can get in the way of colour choices though are beliefs around colour e.g. that black is slimming or that red is too loud. I find that the colours that my body is calling to wear change radically, at the moment my body is literally insisting that I wear yellow and what’s interesting is that every time that I do, people comment on how much they love my yellow jumper.
I too read Felix’s account of going through his wardrobe; if my memory serves me right, he ended up pretty much with just two pairs of briefs and some gardening clothes and nothing else. What a liberation if we don’t go into the recesses of our mind and question how we can afford to buy new pieces. I am yet to go through this process but I can feel how truly confirming, joyful and worthwhile it will be.
Our clothes say so much about us. Everyone else can see it and feel it, and we are often oblivious to it. Spending some time with ourselves in this way can open up our eyes and allow us to really shine in our clothes. What a process to go through, and one that challenges us to open up, accept our beauty and allow it out for all to see.
I am equally blown away by your photo here Nadine, whilst the cream lace top enhances your delicateness your inner beauty and power as a woman just shines through.
What a great realisation to come to, you are then able to make different choices, ‘I had dismissed myself as a woman, hiding my beauty and wanting to please others and not disturb them: behaviours to avoid any jealousy or reactions’.
Nadine such a beautiful photo of you at the end ooooozing yourself in all your glory. What a transformation when we allow ourselves to get honest and let go of the emotions that we hang onto so we can play small. Beautiful sharing, thank you.
Most of us put on clothes as you would a costume – to convey a persona to the world. It’s so different to choose clothes to knowing the truth of our natural beauty, before anything else.
It is as though we dress from the outside in to conform to an image rather than from the inside out.
I am starting to see how dishonouring it is for myself and others to just ‘make do’ when getting ready as opposed to feeling whats true for me to wear that day and bringing that loveliness and care to whom ever I meet.
This is a great article in the way that you take on the fashion industry which encourages women not so much to feel beautiful, but rather to look desirable. You on the other hand are still wearing all the same items that the industry produces, but in your own way and on your own terms, so that they enhance what beauty is already there and without the imposition of what you have been told beautiful is. You are beautiful.
Thank you Nadine a beautiful reminder of how we choose what we wear and how that choice reflects how we feel about ourselves, the more connected we feel with our own womanliness, the less we try to hide who we are.
Gorgeous photos Nadine, I loved reading about your experience of allowing your true inner beauty to shine through, seeing and feeling you brings so much joy, thank you.
You are so gorgeous Nadine, inside and out. It would an absolute crime to hide your great natural beauty.
It is always beautiful to see someone dressed in clothes that emanates their natural grace, and in the past I would want to know where they buy their clothes from, yet now I know that it is about the quality that we are living in from the inside out, that is reflected in everything we wear.
I feel I have so much to learn here and still feel I am hiding in a lot of the clothes I wear. My wardrobe definitely needs re-imprinting and changing but what I can feel is this is a gradual process and unfoldment instead of throwing everything out and panicking to get new clothes in! It has to truly come from me and within.
For me, clothes have often been a tool to help me to fit a picture in my head of beauty, to fit into a style, to fit a personality or character, to look like someone else – it feels like its been rare for me to not choose clothes or outfits from this filtered perspective. I have slowly been working on feeling which clothes I like just for me, what I feel to wear and how I like to dress. Our clothes can either help us to express who we are or they can be like a veil we use to try and cover up or be something else.
I find it really interesting what clothes I choose to wear at the beginning of the day, some days I feel like wearing baggy soft clothes – and on these days I have to say I never get far. Or on some days I get up and I’m really looking forward to the day OR I don’t give myself permission to be lazy or not fully committed what I choose to wear is usually simple leggings with a tight top – and I feel ready to go. The way we dress definitely effects how we feel and how we feel definitely effects the way we dress.
I love seeing women (and men actually) who wear rich colours, a bright blue or a sunshine yellow always bring a smile to my eyes. It tells me that this person is not so afraid to stand out from the crowd who often wears black and grey.
How dress and feel about the outside, does correspond with how we feel inside, it is an interesting exploration to look at the why and how and refine and refresh here we need to.
I too have come to learn that it is the inside that changes and then naturally this flows onto the outside- how we walk, move, embrace others, connect and express- which dressing is a part of this.
It seems a no brainer that everything is related, even what we choose to wear is saying something about our choices. I used to really dislike feeling that I made a choice which has reduced me, but when I surrender to feeling it yes I made this choice, I no longer feel awful but empowered as I can make different choices.
“I started to pack it up into bags and before I knew it there were 16 bags full of clothes that were not me” – isn’t this so interesting when this happens Nadine.. and with all the not-me-ness we wonder why we can so often feel like an impostor at work or in life. Getting rid of all that falsity makes space for realness and zestiness of us to be : )
‘ I started to enjoy what I felt like to be in clothes that really represented me. I started to feel more confident – which for me is true sexiness, coming from within. ‘ Thank you Nadine, this is key . When we talk around dressed for others – to not stand out, or to impress – either end of the scale, we are buying into what he world wants us to be and negating expressing the amazing powerful and beautiful women we naturally are.
The whole world is celebrating for Nadine to express her true beauty, really we are, even though it may feel uncomfortable for some to have to now look into their own clothing choices and take the care to throw out some. It is such great joy to step back into being ourselves, the whole world is shaken and cannot remain as contracted and less.
If my wardrobe is a reflection of me then I’m sexy, delicate, cuddly, cosy, practical, orderly and most definitely constantly clearing and refining 😉