I remember, even as a child, not caring about what I wore. Often what I did wear was really just to hide my beauty and I used clothes to make me look ugly. One time I remember choosing glasses similar to my Dad’s, which did absolutely nothing for me. As I did not care for what I wore I got all the hand-me-downs from relatives, friends and boyfriends. On reflection they did not support me at all in being me or as a woman – they were more masculine, very simple and completely random.
During a shared walk, a friend of mine mentioned that her son had visited with his new partner the previous evening. They had chatted for a while before the couple left and my friend, much to her horror, recollected that all the while, she had found herself running an internal dialogue about the attributes, physical and otherwise, of the young woman.
My friend was deeply shocked and explained that she had found herself engaging thoughts such as “her chin is a bit saggy”, “her complexion is sallow”, “her hips are bigger than her breasts” and “she is shy”. From there she had jumped to her own physical attributes and had made self-directed and critical comments such as “I’ve never liked the size of my hips, they’ve been the bane of my life”, etc. etc.