The Foundations for True Relationship

Looking back I see that for most of my life I have oscillated between being fiercely independent and very needy of others.

This erratic pattern was founded on a bed of hurt, feeling unsafe and believing myself to be lesser because I am a woman. As a result, I detached and distanced myself, becoming ‘unavailable’ to the rest of the world and at times holding others to ransom for how they had ‘failed’ to rescue me.

If I had continued on this trajectory I would have reduced myself to one isolated speck on an island, out of reach to all the other specks that make up humanity and probably pretty furious about how people and the world had failed me.

Over the past ten years I have been working with Universal Medicine and have incrementally chipped away at this isolation and dysfunction of my own making – incremental being a crucial word here because step by step I have built a relationship with myself and a sense of self-worth that has stopped me being dependent upon, and tortured by, the real and perceived expectations of the outside world.

And two significant things have happened recently that have taken this initial foundation to a whole new level:

I started meeting online with a group of people to do Sacred Movement – a form of movement that re-awakens our connection to the purity, preciousness and power of being who we are. We meet fortnightly for an hour and a half and it would take an awful lot of energy to resist and deny the extraordinary transformations that have taken place in me and the other people in the group.

As I have developed respect and appreciation for the innate qualities I have, there has been an equal expansion in me seeing others in the glory that they are.

Alongside the people in this group, I have re-ignited my love and respect for women and men and the part we play in the balance of the world. What I mean by this is that whilst I was caught up in the struggle of trying to fit in to an ever changing set of ‘rules’ dictating how we should look, work, eat, be in relationships, child rear etc., I was not appreciating or sharing the innate qualities I have or seeing and honouring those in others.

The second significant thing that has happened recently is my mum dying at the end of last year, and just as her release is a blessing for her (following a long illness and life time struggle with alcohol) it has opened up in me a fresh and deeper willingness to access, appreciate and honour the innate qualities we all have. My mum was beautiful, sweet, clever, caring, funny, loving, talented, gentle, sensitive and precious and she struggled to accept all of the above about herself, fighting her own demons to the end.

When I got the call that she had died, I honoured her, smiled a goodbye and then let myself feel the depth of what she had held off from – the unfathomable well of wisdom, tenderness and stillness in every woman.

I feel that my acceptance of and love for her was a gateway to something so so much greater than we will ever humanly understand, but that we all know within, and actually very beautifully and remarkably I can sense that my relationship with Mum will go on developing as I develop as a woman and in so doing honour her true qualities.

We have so much to share; firstly with ourselves, then together and with our wider communities.

I understand now that to allow myself to fall in love with and commit to myself is a first and essential step to move beyond focusing on my shortcomings and hurts and allows me to afford the same grace and understanding to others… the foundations for true relationship.


You may also enjoy:

Rediscovering the Delicateness Within  … we have it all … all within us

Our Relationship with Life and Death …. there is a greater tragedy than death … the tragedy of how we choose to live.

How Danielle rediscovered the preciousness of being a sacred and powerful woman through self care and sacred movement

883 thoughts on “The Foundations for True Relationship

  1. Without the foundations of true love for ourselves and a knowing of God within we are left at the mercy of life which will ultimately alway cause emotional relationships full of heart aches.

  2. “We have so much to share; firstly with ourselves, then together and with our wider communities.”

    Yes getting to know ourselves, dropping all ideals and beliefs we have, and not being afraid to claim it all equals a fantastic life full of learning and evolution.

  3. Thank you MB, I realised reading that there is so much more to appreciate about myself, and that certain weaknesses are there in my life because I haven’t fully embraced the strength, wisdom and depths I have as evidenced through my life experiences. I also agree with what you share about adoring and loving ourselves, and how this then opens us up to seeing that same beauty and depth in others – so important for changing our relationships from comparison and competition, etc, to love, appreciation and honouring. We have much to offer as women and it begins with self love.

  4. I recognise that yo-yo pattern of ups and downs of life you describe here, but that feels like’ that’s life’. When we learn to appreciate ourselves more deeply, then this is what we bring to our wider communities.

  5. What you share here is so true, without deepening the relationship with ourselves we cannot deepen the relationship with others.

  6. We can only see and accept others in their glory when we have and are accepting the glory within us; it is impossible to truly appreciate another if we have or are not appreciating ourselves first.

  7. “I feel that my acceptance of and love for her was a gateway to something so so much greater than we will ever humanly understand” Death is always an opportunity to re- ignight the knowing we have within which knows there is so so much more.

  8. The more I become aware and accept the inherent qualities within myself, the more aware I become in seeing and accepting the divine qualities in another and as this unfolds, the more committed I become to myself and every relationship that occurs in my life, seeing and acknowledging that life is about people first and foremost.

  9. The Foundations of a true relationship have always got to be about love – love – its a word easily banded around but in its true meaning it means love of self, love of another and love of all and
    Of course in truth love is multidimensional and universal.

  10. The true foundation to any true relationship is love. The only way we can know what true love is, is first through our relationship to who we are, the love we are within. As from this point we then have a deep and true understanding and knowing from within our bodies of what true love is and feels like. This quality shared in our relationship is what allows us to be inspired by one another and pull each other up to deepen and live the greater love we are in essence.

  11. I agree MB, falling in love with ourselves is definitely a prerequisite for having harmonious relationships with others.

  12. It is crazy when we stop and consider how many of us struggle to have a true relationship with ourselves where we actually adore all the beautiful qualities that we are. How it has become a normal thing to dismiss and put down parts or all of who we are. Thanks to Esoteric Women’s health I have been supported to stop, feel and appreciate all he qualities that I knew deep down were there but struggled to connect to and feel.

  13. MB – you share how you are deeply respecting and appreciating people and there is so much to receive from this. As you say – appreciating ourselves and then appreciating others go hand in hand – it is a constantly deepening cycle where we are able to see someone from their essence first.

  14. Our relationship withourselves is the hallmark of the quality we offer another. The search for anything outside of ourselves always leads us back to the feeling of not being met or connected to. Basic 101!

  15. This is gorgeous to read MB, ‘step by step I have built a relationship with myself and a sense of self-worth that has stopped me being dependent upon, and tortured by, the real and perceived expectations of the outside world.’

    1. I went to a Women in Livingness presentation yesterday that spoke about the consequence of that lack of self-worth and searching in the outside world for acceptance and it really blew me away how damaging that neediness can be and how it can be part of our ‘make-up’ and a go-to behaviour without us considering there is anything wrong with it.

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