At 45, for the First Time in my Life, I Actually Love having Breasts!

Although it hasn’t always been this way …

Breasts.  Even just saying this word conjures up so many feelings.

When I was young, intimate body parts like breasts were never discussed with family or friends. There was a slight air of embarrassment around it, and from this I interpreted that breasts were definitely something to hide and not talk about.

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My Breasts and I: From No Awareness to Love & Respect

It seems strange to say this now, but once upon a time I had no awareness of my breasts other than as:

  • a visible marker of my womanhood
  • objects of sexual pleasure
  • a physical inconvenience due to persistent lumps and soreness.

In truth, I was actually more annoyed by my breasts than anything else. At times I resented their visibility and the fact that I would be judged in some way when given the ‘once over’ by others (men and women). I certainly was not impressed by the lumps and pain I’d experienced since my 20s, which had me frequently rushing off for mammograms, convinced I had cancer. There was some compensation for these woes, in terms of the feelings I derived from them during sex, but even this felt somewhat hollow and certainly didn’t offset my physical condition.

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Bras, Breasts, Esoteric Breast Massage and Me

I never really considered how I related to my breasts beyond them being a nuisance or an annoyance. Yes, I got attention because of these breasts of mine, but not in a good way, and I felt riled and annoyed each time this was happening.

I’ve always been conscious of my breasts, not in a proud or appreciative way, but as something I felt extremely awkward about, a part of me I was not exactly sure what to do with, and blithely ignored as much as possible. Plus, they hurt, especially during my periods and so they were often considered a nuisance.

For years I wore the wrong size bra, apparently and surprisingly up to 80% of women do, (1). The figure seems absurd, and yet many sources corroborate this. Imagine wearing the wrong size shoes!

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Reflections on Breastfeeding – How Connected to our Babies are we?

I breastfed both my children. It was a choice I made before both were born, something that felt right for me. I knew I wanted to support them as naturally as I could concerning their immune system, building a relationship with them and cradling them. I did not know what this looked like in reality before they were born, I had no preparation for it.

Over the months of pregnancy I began to observe and become used to my breasts being something other than attractive appendages. They began to swell, feel tender, look different and feel different. I began to get a sense that my breasts had a different purpose other than being craftily placed in a bra for maximum cleavage and impact, but this was very new to me and I had not realised how much being observant of my body and so connecting to it, would alter how I felt about myself and life.

Continue reading “Reflections on Breastfeeding – How Connected to our Babies are we?”