What is Your Relationship with Your Breasts?

When was the last time you stood in front of a mirror, naked, and looked at your breasts?

When was the last time you stood in front of a mirror, naked, and looked at your breasts, absolutely without any judgement?

When was the last time you washed and moisturised your breasts with the tenderness, equal if not greater to holding a newborn baby?

When did you last care for your breasts the way you care for your face?


It is well worth stopping and pondering on these questions…

So, how do we see our breasts? 

Do we feel them to be a source of nurture and femininity or do we look at them and judge their perkiness (or the lack of), size (too small, too big), and shape (not oval enough, too flat…)?


Do we flaunt them in front of men and women to show how we ‘feel womanly’ and get the attention we are needing?

How many of us women can really say that we appreciate our breasts for what they truly are, just as they are and for what might they bring to this world that is not related to breastfeeding or sex? Or are we constantly bashing ourselves for not having the playboy cover boobs of the pornography and the female featuring cartoon industry?

There is much talk about loving our bodies and so much out there about loving the size you’re in and that everyBODY is beautiful, which includes breasts. However, have we stopped to consider just how that applies to breasts? I mean if one woman can’t even on the physical level have the same two breasts, how did we develop the expectations of a perfect shape or size breasts?

So why so little (if any at all) care for our breasts?

  • Because we don’t have Breast Cancer?
  • Because we haven’t (yet) been hit in the face with the truth about how we are living every day?

How much hardness we are walking around in and how deep the disregard we hold our bodies in is, as well as how atrocious our arrogance is, with the mentality of “if it’s not in my life therefore it doesn’t concern me” – the way of thinking that is literally killing us.

But boy oh boy how foolish are we? We haven’t fully stopped to consider that ‘no (wo)man is an island’ and that every single one of us plays a part in the whole. That Breast Cancer in the lives of millions of women concerns us ALL, women and men, not just those affected and their families, friends …

What if the real truth is that potentially we all bear Breast Cancer? 

Breast cancer does not, cannot just occur over night. Every loveless choice we make, all the abuse we might allow, the lack of self-care, self-loathing, disregard for self-nurturing in our lives, every time we look at our breasts and judge them, insult them, or do not appreciate them we could be taking steps towards developing Breast Cancer.

So what else needs to happen for us women to realise that a life of self-loathing is killing us day after day?

That every single one of us has the power to not allow breast cancer to run riot by putting breast care and self-care on top of our list of priorities. So let’s start by being more caring, deeply nurturing, super loving, with us and our breasts, and see how Breast Cancer likes that.

Let’s just see.

By Viktoria Stoykova, Student, UK

You may also Enjoy:

A Women’s magazine delivering its readers a diverse view to explore openly and honestly all the issues that truly matter to women  … read more on their edition on Breast Care

Self nurturing a key ingredient in Breast Cancer support … inviting women to consider the importance of deeply caring for themselves.

We take a huge step in our evolution when we stop rejecting self; when we stop rejecting our body and the love that we were born with Preventing Breast Cancer – Changing how we feel about our Bodies


362 thoughts on “What is Your Relationship with Your Breasts?

  1. I love this playful experiment of loving our breasts more. I recently have said to myself ‘gee my breasts are small’ and in that – it is abuse and not appreciating them or me. In that comment I keep is small and physical and discount the fact that actually I don’t have an illness within my breasts and I should appreciate that to the stars.

  2. Reading this blog makes me stop and ponder the level of abuse that I still allow in my life, it makes me realize how affects me an only one self-critical-thought and how my body suffers it. Thank you Viktoria, your words are an invitation to connect with my body, a calling for all women to bring back the responsibility that we have by carring such a sacred body that is designed to be deeply honoured.

  3. Being critical with ouselves and trying to do it perfect is literally killing us. Breast cancer rates are increasing with non stop and yet living under very high levels of stress and anxiety is the new normal. There are many pictures in society constantly telling how a succesful woman looks like, how she should or shouldn’t be. For example the one who can manage with everything in her life (business, family, children, friends…) perfectly, the one who can do many things along the day…It’s very rare to find a place where women are encouraged to connect deeper with themselves beyond the shape of their breasts, the look of their hair or their make up. Attending the Universal Medicine events supports me hugely to appreciate myself for who I am and to not accept less than love in my life, which as I’m experiencing everyday is the ultimate form of self-care.

  4. Great question and since having a cyst on my breast earlier this year I have been developing a more intimate relationship with my breasts and it has been a challenging experience. I am currently using an essential oil blend twice a day on the affected area which has hugely improved the look and feel of the remaining lump but it has been challenging to explore my feelings of shame at the less than perfect breast and the impact on how I feel about myself. I have chosen not to have it operated on and continue to monitor how it reflects back to me how I have been with myself during the day as it changes size and texture if I do not take deeply loving care of myself.

  5. ‘Breast cancer does not, cannot just occur over night. Every loveless choice we make, all the abuse we might allow, the lack of self-care, self-loathing, disregard for self-nurturing in our lives, every time we look at our breasts and judge them, insult them, or do not appreciate them we could be taking steps towards developing Breast Cancer.’ When will this be accepted to be the truth? When will we be honest enough to observe what we as women do to our own body? When will we stop to care and nurture others and ignore the messages of our own body? For me this is a constant work in progress to feel how when I choose to disregard my own body, it is not only me I let down but all women. And the same applies to loving and nurturing myself this will give other women a reflection of the love that is possible and very needed.

  6. It is interesting to consider that we have a scale of breast cancer, rather than just being hit with it over night, the makes complete sense, these things build up int he body, inflammation of the cells, our dis-ease with ourselves and levels of stress and lack of care, do for sure make a difference to how we feel and our health.

  7. Viktoria, your blog is a great call for all woman to take responsibility for our health through treating our bodies with tender loving care. After all no one comes along and plants an ill condition in our body, it is our way of living (i.e. us) who plants the seed of all the disharmony which occurs within us.

  8. What a turn around it would be if we were to stop and consider that every choice we made towards our own self care, could have an impact on our breast health in one way or another.

  9. Stopping any kind of judgement, any kind of comparison, any kind of improving about our natural shape and emanation, is a very good and great start to love ourselves as we are.

  10. “So let’s start by being more caring, deeply nurturing, super loving, with us and our breasts, and see how Breast Cancer likes that” As women we can be so hard on ourselves, so super critical of course these emotions along with a disregard for our own delicateness will add to something not nice. Starting simply with noticing and nominating the negative pattens we are running with is a great way to start the healing process.

  11. ‘I mean if one woman can’t even on the physical level have the same two breasts, how did we develop the expectations of a perfect shape or size breasts?’ I love this line because we hold these beliefs that actually don’t make sense at all once we start being open and honest.

  12. They have spent billions upon billions on breast cancer research to no avail and the statistics continue to be deeply alarming. But maybe the answer lies not in scientists and research companies and attempting to find a cure but rather us as woman looking at the part we play in our own breast care and therefore our own prevention.

  13. This is a subject that really needs to be talked about, and particularly how our relationship is with our body and our breasts. How often do we talk down and hold critical thoughts about ourselves and dismiss our body shape? Without a true and deeply self-nurturing relationship we are allowing our true selves to be suppressed and to live in separation from our inner beauty and sacredness.

  14. I love the questions posed here Viktoria and it allows all women to bring a greater responsibility and understanding to how we all nurture and care for ourselves and how these choices can have a major impact on our health and wellbeing. Awesome thank you.

  15. If our bodies kept a record of how much and how often we judge ourselves I reckon we’d be quite shocked at the results… those judgements we feed ourselves everyday have a huge impact on our bodies and are directly related to our health and wellbeing.

  16. Its funny how we can compartmentalise different aspects of our bodies and not see the whole beautiful body as our own from images and or beliefs that we may be holding? Could it be that when we do stand in front of a mirror naked, real and honest we begin to allow the images to drop away and see that our breasts when connected to can truly nurture and nourish our every movement and offer us a compass if you will to how we connect to the world and connect with ourselves too? I never really liked my breasts when I was young feeling like they were too big for my body and as I developed quite young was never really ready for the looks and sexual innuendo that came my way. I now love standing in the mirror and seeing the shape and softness of my skin. To stand in the mirror now I feel truly empowered by my body and how deeply amazing it is.

  17. There is a deep intimacy that is natural with our breasts as there is this same deep intimacy we have with ourselves as women. It is actually very natural, as natural as our breathing. But if the reality is that most of us have lost this connection, it is as if we have chosen what is anti-life in the experience of life. Instead of living, we have made life into going against what is natural, we have made struggle and complication normal, we have accepted the pictures of being a woman to be normal, in short, have we chosen everything but being the naturalness of who we are, normal, when it is not?

  18. A great blog and a great question to ask ourselves as women. Can we truly appreciate our breasts as they are, without thinking they need to be something else? Wouldn’t that mean we are questioning divine design and thinking we know better?

  19. This call of a getting a deeper connection with our breasts, to be not judgemental knowing we are enough, to look into the mirror with appreciation for our breasts and the other parts of our bodies, to honour and cherish the woman we are, nurturing and caring naturally, is so needed and we cannot emphasise enough that we have our health in our own hands.

  20. Thank you Viktoria for this all important call to woman to connect deeper to who we are essence, through our connection to our breasts. As when we honor this connection we discover what is means to truly nurture ourselves, to appreciate our exquisite quality of stillness within and feel the deep sacredness that we already are and can bring to life.

  21. I have found that, as women, we tend to judge our body very harshly, like a judge in a murder trial. Somehow, and the bar is forever raised higher, it is never good enough, especially the parts that might attract attention, like legs and especially breasts. This leads to a total disconnection between the mind and its stories and the actual physical body with the latter being at the mercy of the former. And thus we have the selling out to solutions and quick or long-term fixes, from cosmetics via the gym to surgery.

  22. Great questions Viktoria and great blog. Our body and our precious breasts need to be nurtured and taken great care of everyday in every way. To date most of us have instead been running our bodies into the ground in overdrive. The antidote for this is tender loving care for ourselves as women. This will change the statistics of cancer for sure.

  23. Reading your blog Viktoria I can feel I have an on/off relationship with my breasts – I don’t consider them for ages then am reminded through a blog like yours or through conversation, that they are there and I have been unaware of them. I am much more aware and more caring towards other areas of my body and it is great to feel it is time to bring a consistently deeper care and connection to my breasts.

  24. Viktoria what I can feel from your blog is a call to deeply cherish, honour and love ourselves. It makes sense that to do so, including our thoughts and self regard, has a big impact on our health

  25. Whilst the search on the outside continues to look for the causes of breast cancer and other diseases, all the time our breasts are calling for us to deeply nurture ourselves.

  26. We know if someone speaks horribly to us that it hurts us – but if we consider that our every thought, action and movement comes with an energy too, then every negative or critical thought we think about our bodies actually harms us in the same way. We think our thoughts are harmless – but what if they are not?

    1. Beautifully stated Meg, what we allow in our own thoughts of ourselves may not be what we would allow spoken from others.

      1. It’s actually a fantastic measure or marker to see how far off our thoughts are, would we allow another person to say them to us? Or would we ever say that to another person? And if the answer is no then that thought is almost certainly damaging us.

  27. Thanks for this absolute clarity about our breasts, we all have the responsibility to take loving care for our breasts (as for our whole body) and cherish the qualities our breasts emanate out when we do claim the beauty that lives inside us. Breast cancer is there because we all need to have a closer and honest look at how we live and which qualities we reflect, do we add to the hardness women tend to go into or are we claiming the tender, delicate and precious women we are.

  28. Before receiving an esoteric breast massage I had very little connection with my breasts, I liked their size and shape but this was an external connection, following my first breast massage I could feel a warmth emanating from within them and from this feeling I began to claim them as an important area of my womanly body, and now I am learning how to love and appreciate them.

  29. Gorgeous Viktoria, as you share – you share with the world that we should never ever shy away from our connection to ourselves and so our body. Hence it should be our treasure and put all our loving attention (in detail) to it, so that all this love, light, fire and beauty can come alive. As it is simply us allowing this expansion again. Thank you for expressing what we need to hear.

  30. It makes sense that how we talk about our bodies and even how we touch ourselves has an affect on the state of our health. Because I know when I have negative thoughts there is less attention to the care I give to myself. Whereas the more I appreciate and connect to the beauty from within me I am more inclined to care for myself.

  31. Good point there. It takes a long time for a condition to build in our body and there is always a reason why things happen. And we do have a great say with how we treat ourself and our body.

  32. Oh my gorgeous, what a beautiful blog and so honest. This is the only way we need to be with ourselves and let this inner-strength and beauty come out as we are. This is very revealing and we know it is true: ‘Every loveless choice we make, all the abuse we might allow, the lack of self-care, self-loathing, disregard for self-nurturing in our lives, every time we look at our breasts and judge them, insult them, or do not appreciate them we could be taking steps towards developing Breast Cancer.’
    Hence, we have a deep responsibility to how we life as a woman in a body that only truly needs the honor of love. Given by the one and only: womanness herself, her.

  33. It is interesting the expectations we put on ourselves and our body without having any real connection to the true impact this is having on us and our relationship with ourselves, not just when we push and drive ourselves physically but the self-judgement and criticism hurts us even more especially in the way we regard and treat our breasts. Learning to self-nurture has enabled me to love and respect my breasts and body just as they are.

  34. Beautifully said Viktoria. We all have a responsibility to nurture and cherish our breasts as they reflect the delicate and preciousness that we are as women.

  35. I love how our breasts are always retaining such beauty within them, I love how the EBM allows women to connect back to this simply and profoundly. I love how we as women know this is what we deserve to feel within.

  36. The clarity in this article it superb, it approaches a subject that many get emotional, righteous and defensive about lightly. It is serious issue, but the more heavy we go with it, the less we are expressing ourselves and live in our bodies with care. I can feel ho wI used to see cancer as a another issue, an with fear I hoped to avoid it, now I understand that it is reflection for all to consider and ponder, how am I living and expressing..?

  37. What a great question? many years ago, I would have said that I had no relationship at all with my breasts. These days, I have a much clearer relationship with my breasts, they are usually sharing how i am living each and every month. They could be tender, sometimes a bit lumpy if I have been in disregard, they can be full and lovely when I have been likewise during the month. It is all rather simple really.

  38. “How many of us women can really say that we appreciate our breasts for what they truly are, just as they are and for what might they bring to this world that is not related to breastfeeding or sex? “This really brings into perspective of how we are living and thinking as women, making it about having the perfect breast shape and with that not seeing and feeling what our breast bring as a quality. I feel that if we would appreciate that quality that we can bring with being accepting of and loving with our breasts we would not be so focussed on the looks but make sure we present such a quality.

  39. Such a great question, I have to say that relationship is still unfolding. I am still feeling into each and every day, what i can feel, what is occurring in the lead up to during and after my period each month. All these times, they can feel different and I am still learning how to read, deeply feel and then honour what is felt.

  40. Truly thought-provoking and a wake-up call to all women to reflect on those aspects of ourselves and our bodies that we judge harshly, negate or neglect.

  41. THANK YOU VIKTORIA! Simply because you are amazing and sharing this with us all. Right, real and honestly so – which wakes up the lack of love we have been walking around! Well done for us All.

  42. Great blog, Viktoria. You ask a very revealing question here: ‘So what else needs to happen for us women to realise that a life of self-loathing is killing us day after day?’ For me, initially, breast care was too much to take on board. I started off breaking my self care down into smaller, more manageable gestures. I will never forget the first time I moisturised my legs and arms in presence and with self care, applying the moisturiser in a gentle, loving manner. I was shocked at how amazing it felt, and how revealing it was! All these years of thinking I had been taking good care of my skin by applying body lotion to suddenly realising how rough and unloving I had been to myself in this small gesture alone. Today, the gentleness I moisturise my legs, arms, breasts and body as a whole in, is a telling sign of how my day will unfold. Instead of killing my self off day after day like I used to, each time I apply moisturiser I am confirming the life I have brought/am bringing back into my body and tingling all over with the joy of doing so.

  43. Viktoria what you are saying is very true. Breast cancer is everyone’s business. I feel people are genuinely concerned about this and most people would know at least one woman who has had breast cancer. So we do what we know we can do and that is to donate money to research and cancer organisations or volunteer our time to assist. But after years of many people investing time, effort and money we need to ask is this enough and is this really making a difference? Are we seeing less women with breast cancer with our efforts. The answer to this is NO an this is where the power of what you have shared comes in. What if our shared responsibility is not about donating but examining how we are living and realise that caring and nurturing ourselves – deeply so is the answer and treating ourselves so delicately and preciously because we know that is the greatest thing we can do for our health and that of others? I am certainly not perfect at this, and it’s not about perfection. But we definitely need to change the focus of what breast care and breast awareness means for it is much deeper than early detection of a disease, which is very important.

    1. I couldn’t agree more. Early detection is one thing, but what about the cause. I lay the blame squarely on the environment and how it’s being polluted. As someone who has lost both testicles to cancer, I’ve given this a lot of thought and research. It’s time we all took charge of the environment we live in.

  44. I can feel the truth that any of us can potentially have breast cancer, and so much of our health is to do with how willing we are to care for ourselves truly and feel what the body truly shares.

  45. ‘A life of self-loathing is killing us day after day’ – a very powerful and true statement that we all need to deeply ponder on. Recently I was pulled up to see how the way I was talking about myself was laced with self-loathing. To feel how so very casually I was choosing by not choosing with love a kind of words and tone I spoke about myself with, even as a joke, was heartbreakingly devastating – how ‘normal’ that had become with/around me, and how that is no longer acceptable, not ever.

  46. My own relationship with my breasts has in the past been pretty much non existent, only being used for sexual attraction and breast feeding, and the only time I paid any attention to them was when I was when I went bra shopping! All that has changed, and now my breasts play an important role in my relationship with being a woman. They feel warm, tender and alive thanks to the esoteric breast massage and the ever deepening relationship with myself. Becoming aware of my breasts is one of the most amazing gifts I can give to myself on my ever deepening journey back to being a true woman.

  47. “Breast cancer does not, cannot just occur over night. Every loveless choice we make, all the abuse we might allow, the lack of self-care, self-loathing, disregard for self-nurturing in our lives, every time we look at our breasts and judge them, insult them, or do not appreciate them we could be taking steps towards developing Breast Cancer.” It is super important that every woman reads and seriously considers what is being shared here. Having had breast cancer I absolutely know that there were many steps that led to this disease and how my body gave one sign after another that my relationship with my body and breasts was anything but loving and nurturing. All that is mentioned above definitely contributed to my ill breast health as now I have realised this and changed how I regard and nurture myself I feel completely differently towards myself as a woman.

  48. Recently I attended a breast care talk with other women and the topic to discuss in a group was our relationship to our breasts. This was a stop moment for me as I realised I didn’t have a relationship with my breasts and the only care I had for them was purely functional, sure I washed them and applied cream to them but it was not done with a nurturing quality or to deepen the relationship with my breasts. The importance of these breast care groups and blogs such as your Viktoria are very supportive and inspiring to women as they bring awareness to a much needed subject, since attending this talk I have begun to nurture my breasts and to develop a more healthy and loving relationship with them.

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