In Saying No, I Said Yes to Love

Is saying “Yes” the only way to accepting another person in love?

Recently I met a man. It is pure joy every time we meet. We have a lot in common and our conversations are always deepening each other, and yet I said “No” to this relationship.

I did not say “No” to this man, only to the picture of how a relationship is supposed to look, such as the whirlwind, the intensity, the sweeping someone off their feet, as all of that felt imposing, even though it is supposed to be what love looks like.

In the human point of view, this takes a bit of getting used to, as I deeply care for him and appreciated his care for me. But what would love do in such a situation?

Love would only be loving, so I deepened first and foremost even more of the love and care I have for myself.  

I observed every feeling in my body and appreciated its deep sensitivity. I said “No” to choices and thoughts that left me not feeling myself, observing when I listen and when I do not and why. I allowed myself the space to feel and express deeper and appreciated myself every step of the way. I became more real with myself.

Human connection and intimacy feels natural in our hearts, and it is normal to want to share this quality deeply with another human being.

And yet how often do we as women compromise what we know to be true in need for a more superficial connection and intimacy?

As a woman I have done that myself, but then in reality what I have chosen is attachment and not love, and yet it is never too late to change this.

I did say “No” to what felt imposing, but there was no rejection towards this man nor did we stop communicating, in fact, when I honoured myself and my choices, there was much more space for appreciation and for our communication to go deeper.

There was no picture or security to follow, simply a surrendering to expressing anything that came up between us.  I saw so much love in this man and he saw the love in me.

In truth, we are reflecting back to each other the love we carry within us.  

If I take the first step and not hold back in expressing this love to myself as well to everyone else in life, then love expands in every moment and it can only become our ‘normal’ one day. This may take a while to happen but saying, “Yes” to love and living this choice unwaveringly is the only way for true relationship to become our ‘normal’ way of life once again.

By A.L.

For More Inspiration:

Dianne Trussell expands our awareness of what is Divine Marriage – Commitment and Knowing True Love.

In this short video Annette and Gabe beautifully share and demonstrate from their own relationship how important it is to ‘have each others back’ and support one another to raise the level of how we can express clearly and lovingly.

Listen to Serge Benhayon presenting How Men and Women Avoid Being the Love That They Are

 

710 thoughts on “In Saying No, I Said Yes to Love

  1. Gorgeous and inspirational to read as just how much do we do this ‘how often do we as women compromise what we know to be true in need for a more superficial connection and intimacy?’ a lot I would say!!!! So the ripple affect you have sent across the world to all women that we do not have to compromise but can in fact be true to ourselves offering another what love truly is, is gold.

  2. “In Saying No, I Said Yes to Love” such a great statement that can relate to many many different things.

  3. We look outside ourselves for love and we have many pictures of how it is supposed to look, what you have shared here is you found the love inside of you, and you let that show you what love is with another. I really appreciated these words “what I have chosen is attachment and not love”, attachment feels like love to so many, but it is a false and emotional (often needy) form of love, not truly love. To me wanting love often coming with attachments, but being love brings me to love.

  4. I acquired a PhD in compromise very early on in my life, learning from those around me, who had also perfected this un-loving behaviour. I never questioned it; simply thought it was a normal way to be in relationships. I was so very misguided in my belief, as compromise cannot but come with resentment, frustration, bitterness and many more emotions which are so damaging to our body and our being. So when I finally chose to say no to compromise, I was truly saying ‘yes to love’

  5. ‘And yet how often do we as women compromise what we know to be true in need for a more superficial connection and intimacy?’ that’s so true. I’ve seen by myself how quick I could change my clarity to feel by a moment of recognition from someone. It was a ‘gap’ in which I made the choice to not feel the imposing energy that came towards me. I denied my body telling me that something felt no right in the way we related each other, a way that was disempowering for me and for him and in which there was an exchange for need but not for love.

    This exposed my lack of self-worth, my need to be with someone, my void for not being meet, recognize and deeply held in love by myself first. There is sadness coming up at times but I feel content for being in this process of coming back to me. Also I feel deeply inspired for those women like you A.L who are making different choices in terms of building a more loving relationship with themselves first and trusting and honouring what they feel.

  6. No is such a powerful word and often we don’t use it when we should. Learning to say no with our own claimed authority is one of the most important self development tools we will ever learn.

  7. As I become more loving with self I am becoming more accepting of others and the choices they are making. I do not compromise but have an increased amount of understanding seeing what is happening and this is helping me to observe and not react which is so loving towards myself and others… a work in progress but so well worth it as my relationships change to be more loving.

  8. Saying “yes” to love and to that initial love of oneself makes life and relationships so much more fun and interesting I find.

  9. When we deepen our connection to love within what feels dishonouring, imposing and abusive from another will stand out and our body will be feeling it very loud. So saying No to this behaviour is indeed saying Yes to selflove.

  10. When meeting a potential partner we have so many expectations and pictures of what it should or could look like, that it’s quite overwhelming and can quite quickly and easily get in the way of any true connection.

    1. True Julie, it is very sad how we have allowed these pictures run the show for so long…and how sabotage very quick the true and natural connection with ourselves and others. It feels overwhelming and imposing indeed but it’s our work to expose and defuse them from the truth of what we know inside.

  11. “In reality what I have chosen is attachment and not love, and yet it is never too late to change this”. It is so common for women to compromise, and it is even sold as a virtue in relationships. But to compromise there must be a trade off or need being met, which is where the attachment comes in. Love is pure and unconditional so if we feel an attachment this is a great warning sign.

  12. When we choose love as the foundation to all our relationships, anything that is not love will stand out like a sore thumb, like our ideals beliefs, expectations and pictures of how things should be.

    1. So what we may have accepted as normal before because everyone is doing the same becomes naturally not so, as we choose to be more honest to ourselves. Nothing to be alarmed in fact so much to appreciate when this happens.

      1. This is very true, no need to be alarmed it is simply another opportunity for us to appreciate and embrace the deeper learning which is being offered to us.

  13. “In Saying No, I Said Yes to Love” this statement can relate to so much, i saying no to foods that harm – i said yes to love, in saying no to going to bed to late – I said yes to love, in saying no to indulging in harmful emotions I said yes to Love, in saying no to what did not honour me I said yes to love……

    Saying yes to Love is always easier then our mind would have us believe.

  14. That is a brave move, one not many of us women feel settled enough to make. We cave in at the opportunity for love from another, we crave that touch, that feeling of security because we are lacking a connection with our own inner strength.

  15. Saying no to any thoughts or choices that leave us feeling less than who we are.. this is so crucial in helping us to move forward in life. We cannot move forward, heal, learn and grow, if we’re perpetually making choices and allowing in thoughts that drag us down.

    1. Very true Bryony, otherwise we can keep building and then we simply end up sabotaging ourselves. So it is like we take 1 or 2 steps forward and then 1 or 2 steps backward so do not really end up going anywhere!!

    2. The critical thoughts that once seemed so normal are indeed extremely harming even much more than what we put in our bodies. These thoughts are why we choose to put harmful substances in ourselves, because we don’t really like ourselves very much.

  16. We have to have a foundation of loving ourselves before we can start to love another, ‘so I deepened first and foremost even more of the love and care I have for myself.’

  17. It’s about love always and we set the standards in how we are with love, what we allow and part of this is saying no to those old pictures and ideals we and others hold, and in all of this we keep deepening our love, ever and always no matter what.

      1. There sure is no right or wrong and no one size fits all formula. I find the moment I try to do something because it works for another without adapting it to work for me then I am trying to be something I am not and so find a tension with it. Whereas when I allow it to fit in with myself then there is an ease and a sense of extra support that comes with it without the effort of I need to do this or that.

  18. What a powerful and affirming title. So relevant to what I have been feeling in the past few days. Layers of awakening that lie beneath these powerful words for all.

  19. When I am feeling so much it is usually something I do not want to feel and therefore I am not honest to start with or I do not have the correct words for my expressing and communicating what is I feel. I could write so much on this … when you do not commit to your feelings and life, and do not give yourself space to feel and heal its possible they will be complicated and not the simple truth.

    1. The truth this we are feeling so much every moment. But we have also made it normal to disregard these feelings and to also disregard our expression in what we feel. This was a wake up call for me and so much appreciation I have been woken up and this choice is deepening every day.

  20. I love that you allowed yourself a deeper relationship with yourself and still stayed in contact with this man. It was not an either or situation it was purely a matter of love.

  21. To truly say yes to Life we have to discern what is not true or actually real. To really embrace life is to say a big no to anything that’s not from our equal light.

  22. When I/ we feel from our bodies we get very clear signals weather a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ is what is true. The mind may have other ideas though and that can be when the push or override can come in.

  23. The ability to say ‘no’ can be the most loving thing to do, for ourselves and others too. It asks us to go deeper and connect to what is true and do away with the images of how things should be or play out.

  24. I love how you deepened your relationship with yourself, ‘I observed every feeling in my body and appreciated its deep sensitivity. I said “No” to choices and thoughts that left me not feeling myself, observing when I listen and when I do not and why. I allowed myself the space to feel and express deeper and appreciated myself every step of the way.’

  25. Becoming more real with ourselves.. this is so key to any real growth and development. If we’re not prepared to be honest about our choices and the consequences then we miss out on the learning and opportunity to grow.

  26. Expressing what we feel and honouring those feeling is incredibly healing not just for ourselves but equally for the person we are expressing our feelings to.

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