There is a lot of talk and discussion around feeling connected with our children during pregnancy while in utero, once they are born and for the many years of life ahead to come… What I’ve noticed of particular interest is how for many, we can feel disconnected from them and also hold many pictures of what connecting with them actually looks and feels like – for a woman and equally so for a man.
Taking the time and the space to understand what pictures and expectations of pregnancy and parenthood we carry is important and a deeply healing process for anyone, as this will support us to understand not only why we have these thoughts and the ensuing emotional reactions to them but to also choose if we really want to live by such ideals and pictures at all.
Throughout my first 20 weeks of pregnancy I’ve noticed times where I’ve felt very connected to the little baby in my womb; sensing the unwavering link between us, both physically and far exceeding physicality, plus the absolute joy of knowing we are both going to teach each other so much! But I have also experienced times where I’ve felt a severe disconnect; something which left me experiencing feelings of doubt about myself, followed by the sadness, guilt and shame that I could possibly allow such thoughts to creep in, in which I judged and identified myself as being wrong or a bad mother.
What I have uncovered for myself is that when I don’t feel the deep and sacred connection to myself as a woman, held naturally in my body, the fact is that I don’t feel a connection to my growing baby either and many self-doubting thoughts are then allowed to run in my mind about who we both are. What follows is a feeling of disappointment in myself for lacking self-connection and I can be hard on myself for choosing this. The fact is that this can play out in all of my relationships including with my partner, a friend or with anyone I meet in my day. When I am not sensing and living with this natural connection to me I observe that I am holding back from being all of me with another and this doesn’t feel so great.
Quite simply, if I don’t feel connected to me I can’t connect to anyone
What I know to be true is that we are all innately connected, universally; each and every one of us, and so to not feel this connection – the equality and love that we are – with another is a simple exposing of the fact that our connection with ourselves is already lacking.
Reconnection with yourself – where to begin?
The tools to reconnect back to myself as a deeply loving woman have unfolded from my association with Esoteric Women’s Health and the immeasurable inspiration of its founder Natalie Benhayon. From the many presentations, women’s groups, Sacred Movement classes and sessions that I have had with Natalie and other female practitioners who practice the Esoteric modalities, I have experienced first-hand what feeling connected means to me:
It is an absolute knowingness and claiming of who I am – In Full – within my body as a woman, and from this marked feeling I am connected to a sense of worth, purpose and a quality that far exceeds any thoughts that could aim to persuade me otherwise.
It is with this connection to myself that I am connected to my own undeniable inner knowing, or an Ancient Wisdom where I sense that I have lived many lives of connection before, and that this connection is the only thing that I truly want to live my life by now. There is nothing more solid, pure or absolute than to feel my depth of connection to my core, a sense of confidence in knowing who I am and not being afraid to live this anywhere or at any time. This knowing comes with a unique quality of what it feels like to just be myself without any expectation or imposition from myself or others. With this understanding it is no wonder that I can feel so sad when I’ve dropped or stepped away from myself for any reason, which in truth is simply never worth it.
Through a commitment and dedication to living life with my connection to who I am, I experience ‘feeling like me’ more and more as my normal way of being and from here I am able to support myself in ways that confirm and consolidate this connection so it becomes more solid throughout my whole life. This includes preparing and eating foods that nourish and support my whole day and my quality of sleep, the way that I dress and prepare myself for work or being around home, but also, honouring myself wherever I can within every micro-moment in between.
All these moments make up what we call LIFE and there can be no off-switch or down-time when it comes to the importance of confirming the unique essence that we each bring to ourselves and others when we choose to live with connection and bring our fullness to everything that we do. We need to ask ourselves,
“What is really happening when we choose to switch-off or disconnect?”
In these moments we are not only robbing ourselves of feeling our own loveliness, but we are choosing to not cherish others and equally ourselves, and the disconnection we are then living affects everyone equally.
This is what Natalie & Miranda Benhayon inspire me with every single day as they reflect to me that the consistency of living this way is not only absolutely possible (without perfection), it is a richly loving and innately wise way of living that only ever deepens, bringing a vitality and purpose to life that is available to everyone.
Connection within a pregnancy, to our babies, children and everyone else, from a valued depth of connection to who we are, is what true relationships and parenting are all about – connecting to and being yourself IN FULL, and letting this way be the foundation for the absolute love, wisdom, guidance and understanding that you’ll then bring to any other.
by Cherise Holt, Nurse, 32, Brisbane, Australia
You may also Enjoy:
The ‘pregnancy consciousness’ exposed. Cherise Holt learns that her body holds all the wisdom she needs in I’m Pregnant! What’s Next?
Discover the all encompassing nature of Esoteric Women’s Health with Sara Williams.
And listen to a free audio of the Gentle Breath meditation, a tool to support you to connect to the quality of stillness within you.
Women in Livingness Blog 
Having that connection with yourself and that foundation during pregnancy sets up a whole different way of being once the child is born. How awesome would it be to grow up with such a solid mum?
Cherise thank you, this is very beautiful to read. It has inspired me to work on my connection more as a foundation for both enjoying feeling me and connecting more to others. I loved these words “the deep and sacred connection to myself as a woman”, just reading these brought me to a deep stillness in myself, a beautiful marker for us all to know ourselves by our sacredness.
The mothering instinct is innate, but so is self-care & self-nurtiring. So of course, if we have no idea how to self-care/ self-nurture we will not respond to the mothering instinct. When we disconnect from one aspect I think it’s easy to disconnect from all. So when the pressure is put, and all women talk about how easy it is (when in truth it may not be) other women feel like they’re in the wrong, that there’s something wrong with them. When in fact, all that may be needed is a bit more self-care, some honouring of our innate qualities, something to bring our connection back and support us to move with that.
When I am connected to my essence there is an acceptance in me and in everything I do, an embracing as to where I am at and because of this acceptance there is an allowing and holding of others therefore eliminating all judgement.
“Quite simply, if I don’t feel connected to me I can’t connect to anyone” It’s as simple as that.
What ever happens in life it is always the foundation of connection with ourselves that is what life is about, there is nothing different if we are working, pregnant, with friends and so on as all these things need the connection with ourselves first.
Yes, connecting to ourselves and living this in full no matter the place or situation is key, ‘connecting to and being yourself IN FULL, and letting this way be the foundation for the absolute love, wisdom, guidance and understanding that you’ll then bring to any other.’
I love how your pregnancy taught you so much about connection: that when we’re not choosing to feel connected to ourselves, i.e. what we feel in our bodies, we can’t hope to feel this connection with another- but that’s so often what we try to do: seek some kind of connection with another, no matter how superficial, so as to not feel our or their disconnection. Because when we are connected to ourselves and our soul, we don’t crave that connection with another. A connection with another is then a deepening and expansion of what we’re already feeling from within, and not a seeking to fill a lack of it.
This captures the freedom that comes with being truly connected and how ‘This knowing comes with a unique quality of what it feels like to just be myself without any expectation or imposition from myself or others.’ In this knowing there is no need for others to get us or to have their approval and we then reflect this inner confidence to all around us.
As someone who is pregnant and has a toddler, I have experienced the depth of wisdom that is offered simply when I am present and responding to what comes up. There is no rule book for parenting – because we can’t predict what happens, but there is a natural wisdom that we can feel all the time, that understands our own body and the bodies of our children in a way that delivers exactly what is needed in that moment.
Reading your wonderful blog Cherise, I was so clearly able to see the importance of connection to ourselves in any moment as that connection is the foundation for the quality of connection we have with others. It certainly makes sense of the many times I struggled to connect with those around me. I’ve finally come to realise that it is actually very simple – no connection to me equals no connection to others, and we all miss out on the magic that is possible.
Ideals and pictures can run our lives unless we become aware of them and the impact they are having, ‘Taking the time and the space to understand what pictures and expectations of pregnancy and parenthood we carry is important and a deeply healing process for anyone’.
A beautiful blog on true connection, thank you Cherise, “connecting to and being yourself IN FULL, and letting this way be the foundation for the absolute love, wisdom, guidance and understanding that you’ll then bring to any other. ” when I am connected all of this is available, there is such a huge difference when I am disconnected, that is when my mind playes havoc with me.
In my pregnancy at the moment, i can feel a resistance to the physical changes in my body. It’s like I am not embracing the pregnancy in full, and so my body is almost holding back. It has been a really huge realisation for me to come to and know that if I am not appreciating and connecting with my body, then I cannot be doing so with the baby.
I can feel also how we go into other ways thinking that we are connecting to others, whether being sympathetic, over caring and doing good and think that this is what connecting to others is. But connecting to others always begins with ourselves as you have so beautifully shared Cherise.
So true Cherise, we talk a lot about having quality time but we neglect to connect with ourselves first. This means the quality we offer others is empty of Love.
I love to cuddle a tiny baby, I love their warmth and their smell, but I also feel my connection to me more as I feel their connection to themselves. It highlights our connection to ourselves as women .. and we don’t need to cuddle a baby to feel it.
Loved reading this blog. When we are disconnected we allow thoughts to take us way off course. Connect and we are wise beyond measure.
“Quite simply, if I don’t feel connected to me I can’t connect to anyone”. True and this shows so much when we have a baby. Disconnect and – because babies and young children are so sensitive they pick up on the emotions and environment around them. When we connect with ourselves the change in them becomes obvious.
Pregnancy can be an opportunity to deepen your connection to the inner stillness in preparation for the love and wisdom to be shared with the developing child.
Sometimes being a mother is a process of letting go of all the pictures gathered of what being a mother means to reveal that worthiness we already are as women to have the connection with all around.
Through re-connecting within ourself we have the foundation from which to truly be open with all others.
Absolutely agree Cherise, parenting is all about our connection to self first and foremost as when we are not connected our babies/children let us know in no uncertain terms; usually very loudly and clearly.
I can really feel from my body what you have shared here. That this connection with ourselves cannot be turned on our off – well it can but the ripple effect still happens! I have found over and over that when I choose to dishonour my body there is an immediate ripple effect in those around me that I could so easily say is nothing to do with me but actually has everything to do with the fact I dishonoured my body which offered a less solid reflection of love and stability. I can deny it or I can consider there is a consistency in my living way that supports more that simply myself, that we can live for service of all in the cherishing of ourselves.
So gorgeous to read Cherise – as I go into my pregnancy, I can also feel the times where I am very connected to the baby and my uterus and everything that is happening, and there are times when I am not – choosing to disconnect and push through. But all the while my body keeps calling me back to honour it and deeply rest throughout the process bringing a whole new level of stillness.
Giving birth to a love for yourself is the greatest thing you can do. No matter the relationship or thing you attain, none of it can replace the connection inside. We all try lots of substitutes but none of them work. Thank you Cherise for this beautiful blog.
‘it is no wonder that I can feel so sad when I’ve dropped or stepped away from myself for any reason, which in truth is simply never worth it.’
This makes so much sense to me, nothing and nobody is worth loosing connection with our body and ourselves.
Absolutely but still I can choose to go there and then feel the sadness of my own self-inflicted lack of connection.
Yes, Helen, we have these addictions of bringing ourselves and our natural vibration down and lack of connection works perfect for this.
‘Taking the time and the space to understand what pictures and expectations of pregnancy and parenthood we carry is important and a deeply healing process for anyone.’ And my experience is this process can continue for a long time even when your children are adults now. It is never too late too let go of ideals and beliefs about what we have to be or do for our children.
Great point Monika, it’s never too late to reflect and let go of ideals or beliefs we may be holding onto that actually are hindering and not supporting us to truly express from our innermost essence.
When we switch off, we do miss out on the loveliness we are. Our kids and anyone we are around can also feel we are not accessible. The other thing that happens is that when we step out of our bodily connection, other energies step in, thus the self-bashing, critical thoughts described in the blog.
It is certainly the micro moments that have supported me to connect to myself. Sure there are bigger things we can do like the food we eat or how we sleep. But it is those tiny movements that also support us and build a
Solid foundation.