I’m Pregnant! What’s next?

Two days ago, after a missed period in my menstrual cycle I took a pregnancy test that confirmed positive results. I’m pregnant!

Initially I didn’t believe my eyes! And yet when I looked deeply into those eyes in the bathroom mirror I recall feeling absolute love, joy and confirmation for what was ahead.

In this moment I immediately felt everything that this meant and would mean, how my life would change but mostly the huge responsibility that I was saying yes to (which I’ll explain more about) and this felt BIG.

So BIG that instead of staying with the depth in my eyes and the solidness in my confirming gaze, I began to feel racy and a bit anxious about what was ahead. Instead of staying with me in the moment my mind began to wander rapidly and deliver to me a million and one thoughts and doubts.
It was as though I had tapped into a pregnancy consciousness that I see so frequently in many other pregnant women and although I didn’t feel that the thoughts were necessarily true, I was taking them on as my concerns.

Some of those thoughts were:

  • Am I really pregnant?
  • Will I lose (miscarry) the baby if I don’t live right or I become stressed?
  • What support do I have?
  • What does this mean in regards to completing my university degree, my workplace, where we live and what money we have?
  • Am I going to eat the wrong thing, exercise too much or too little?
  • Because we didn’t have a specific plan to get pregnant, have we done the wrong thing?
  • How long should I wait to tell people the most amazing news?

And lots of thoughts about my body changing:

  • Am I ready to carry a baby, will I become fat or overweight and will I be sore or stretched after birth?
  • Will a lowered immune system result in illness?
  • Are these symptoms I am experiencing normal?
  • Can my partner and I still have sex?
  • Will I feel tired or exhausted and override this to work or study?
  • How do I keep and nurture my beautiful womanly body and become a mother too?

All of these thoughts (and more) continued through the first couple of days and despite my understanding that such worries and concerns are in reality experienced by many pregnant women, I could not ignore the facts about what I truly felt.

I know in truth that:

  • I have a wonderful partner, family and community of support around me and they are behind me one hundred percent
  • Becoming pregnant comes with a sense of pure beauty, grace and what a blessing!
  • I can drop the pictures or views about my future and how I think things should look or work out. Anything that I truly want to do is always possible
  • I can claim in full that I am pregnant whenever I choose and with whomever and I don’t need to worry or have doubts about the future

…and when it comes to trusting my body:   

  • I have an absolutely amazing and beautiful body!
  • I know that my body is my greatest science and wisdom and that it knows exactly what it needs to prepare, clear and to heal itself
  • My partner and I make life and our every moment together about making love, so again my body knows when this feels right in the bedroom
  • My body really knows exactly what to eat and when; this is the same for exercising and sleeping too (I’ve thoroughly enjoyed choosing foods from a sense of honouring and what feels right)

What a contrast my initial thoughts are to that of my absolute knowing!

The difference I feel between the two comes down to my relationship with me, my readings about what I know is true for me or not and my honouring of this. This way of being with me carries a great responsibility and at times, through any period in life really, we can choose to not want this responsibility. What I’ve discovered is a flood of thoughts and issues, that are there only to distract or numb us from our initial choice, often come up when we are apprehensive in choosing responsibility.

What I have deeply felt at the start of this pregnancy is that I don’t have to do anything perfectly as I have so much to discover and learn along the way (it’s only week 5.5!), but I do have a responsibility to choose to stay and live in a very naturally powerful way – connected to my wisdom, stillness & beauty and in honour of that which I feel. When I picture how I would hold, carry or touch my baby with a quality of exquisite delicateness, I know I am presented with the opportunity that this is exactly how I need to hold and be with me right now, and that’s just what is next.

by Cherise Holt, Nurse, 32, Brisbane, Australia

For Further Inspiration:

How pregnancy brings an opportunity to return to the delicate, sensitive and nurturing women we naturally are and to let go of any need for control and perfection. Follow Robyn Jones on her own personal journey of self-discovery through two pregnancies.

Sharon Gavioli explores the minefield of perceived wisdom that comes through in well-meaning pregnancy ‘should-do’ lists and offers an alternative view – that the quality in which we do those lists – the self-support and self-care – is woefully absent.

Cherise Holt explores motherhood from a position of daughter and brings a fresh perspective on how true mothering comes from within us first.

409 thoughts on “I’m Pregnant! What’s next?

  1. With what you experienced with pregnancy I’d say it’s quite common for people to lose that initial sense of connection and celebration for various situations in life, and allow that cascade of thoughts that bring doubt, anxiousness, and erode our natural confidence and knowing. “I don’t have to do anything perfectly as I have so much to discover and learn along the way”. All the pictures we have really get in the way of what’s there to unfold naturally and as you say, not meet any image of perfection but just trust ourselves and our inner knowing and learn as we go.

  2. There is such a stark difference between the questions and pictures we can get lost in, in our minds, compared to the steady stillness of our inner knowing and wisdom. We always have a choice: react to what we feel and go into a panic, or observe what is going on within and around us, appreciating the steadiness and consistency that this observation supports us to connect to, from within.

  3. Wow how refreshing to read we don’t need to do anything perfectly, many many of us set ourselves up to fail with pictures of how things should look like.

  4. Yes, it is amazing how we can get flooded with thoughts at times in our lives, whereas our body always has an absolute knowing.

  5. When we get pregnant it seems as though the mind is flooded with all sorts of thoughts to have us doubt what we feel and then go and seek out ‘expert’ opinions. If anything during the time of pregnancy things seem clearer.

  6. Thank you Cherise for sharing this beautiful testimony of how living in a relationship with ourselves that is in honor of our connection to our body and being, we are far more settled and confident in knowing that there is an intelligence and wisdom is our bodies that will guide us to know what is needed and what will support us best. There is no truer guide that we could wish for.

  7. Our bodies are our greatest friend, they’re the honest one that we may not always want to listen to and of course, the one that never leaves. So, we may as well make good friends and listen to what is being communicated.

      1. The lived integrity of every word you have written in this comment Carola is astonishing. Truth on tap 24/7 – I love that. But how much do we want to run this tap and have ourselves a nice hot bath, or do we prefer to turn the hot water down, add some cold water and swim in our pool of comfort?

  8. “I do have a responsibility to choose to stay and live in a very naturally powerful way – connected to my wisdom, stillness & beauty and in honour of that which I feel.” Yes so true, we have a responsibility to stay connected and honour what we feel, but I know for me the mind can come in and try to confuse things and make things complicated. Stay with loving thoughts and with what our body shows us, and we will no longer want to question what is naturally there for us to know.

  9. This is so supportive to share the doubting thoughts that invade our minds to try and make us question our inner knowing that is there to be connected to at any time.

  10. What you say about claiming your pregnancy is so inspiring. When you are pregnant there are so many fears and doubts that can knock at the door – very much part of the pregnancy consciousness you mentioned at the beginning. I’ve enjoyed telling people about my pregnancy early on and it has been wonderful to claim it. If the pregnancy did end without the birth of a baby I would share this also. I know my experience would support others and miscarriage, termination and stillbirth is something that we could all talk about more.

  11. Beautiful Cherise. Becoming pregnant is an amazing opportunity in itself to go deeper with ourselves, as father or mother. There is so much out there that wants to complicate our simple joy. It’s our job not to buy in. And this never ends.

  12. “When I picture how I would hold, carry or touch my baby with a quality of exquisite delicateness, I know I am presented with the opportunity that this is exactly how I need to hold and be with me right now, and that’s just what is next.” This is exquisite and should be on the front page of every antenatal handbook.

  13. ‘I can drop the pictures or views about my future and how I think things should look or work out. Anything that I truly want to do is always possible.’ Sound advice even if we are not pregnant!

  14. I’ve just discovered that I’m 5 weeks pregnant and this blog is an incredible support. Thank you for writing it.

  15. Perfection is not to be striven for as that is never intended to be the purpose of our life. Life cannot be perfect as we are here to learn how to live as a divine being in a divine body and from this angle learning can never be perfect otherwise we would not have to learn.

  16. When we walk away from the absoluteness we can feel within we give an opening to doubt to enter in our minds, doubt that makes us to question that what we already know and behold in our body. So in short we are diminishing ourselves from an all knowing being into a being that is at the mercy of what the outer world says and want to make us belief.

  17. I loved what you shared about the type of thoughts that can flood in with the pregnancy consciousness. They are all fear based and leave the women doubting her own inner knowing and capacity to raise to a child. This is in contrast to the steadiness and inner-knowing that is always there if we tap into it.

  18. Gorgeous blog Cherise so lovely to read. When we go in with the attitude that we need to be prefect we set ourselves up, what you say is so true we can drop that need for perfection in What we do and instead discover much about ourselves and learn along the way.

  19. I really appreciate your blog because it reminded me of all the thoughts I had when I first got pregnant. I didn’t know anything about staying with me, but there was a deep knowing that it was perfect, I was divine and I was carrying a divine soul who was ready to be part of life.

  20. There are so much thoughts around but what if the fact that many women think these thoughts does not mean they are true? There is a way more amazing way of living if we embrace each moment and trust the feelings of our body that cannot be imagined by our minds.

  21. Cherise I love how you expose these pictures that hold you back from staying connected to you body and feeling what is true. We are naturally given everything when we let go of the control and allow ourselves to surrender and to feel the great support around us no matter what the situation is.

  22. I can certainly relate to the 2 ways of thinking here. When I am not with my body, pregnancy is daunting and I need to figure out what to do. But when I am with myself, then I feel a deep stillness that supports me to surrender to the process.

  23. It was fascinating to read the flood of thoughts and doubts that came in when the pregnancy was first known. These were all very common thoughts but they all reduced the solid knowing and joy to a list of worries and things that could go wrong. How much easier is life when we just feel instead of allowing the ‘normal thoughts’ of society to run us.

    1. So true. The fears and doubts we have can be debilitating so it’s quite amazing to realise that we do in fact choose them. Wonderful to be aware of this at any stage of life.

  24. Your experience Cherise is a MASSIVE change in your life and one that asks for surrender and to let go, letting your heart and your body guide the way. In this way it is no different to other changes in life, where regardless of how big or small the change is life is always asking us to be more of who we truly are and only surrendering to the truth we know within from our Soul will make these experiences the growth and evolution they are impulsed to be.

    1. I can feel the responsibility in that Joshua. There is a commitment and dedication to responding to what presents in life, to just staying in the moment and surrendering to what your body knows to be true, whatever the outcome or the picture for others.

    2. Yes the letting go and surrendering to all the possibly that are not led by our own levels of control bring with a element of angst yet by trust we are offered so much more than meets the eye.

  25. Love hearing about the difference between thinking and knowing, our thinking thoughts can get us in a right muddle making us anxious whist a knowing just is – final.
    On another note the way you are preparing yourself for motherhood by laying foundation of awareness and love is super awesome.

    1. Yes our thoughts can become very muddy when we disconnect form the body we live in and only rely on the mind.

  26. What a great title Cherise, as women we hold such power and authority if we stay connected to our bodies, our deep wisdom lives within us all equally we just need to remember to listen and be open to all that is being shared with us.

  27. Absolutely gorgeous Cherise. In everyday life it’s common to entertain floods of doubting and critical thoughts, which are then magnified when an opportunity or ‘new’ situation comes along. I love what you chose to offset this, to appreciate the blessing and instead entertain the amazing constellations around you that will support the process!

  28. Our bodies have wisdom, they will very clearly share it, but some times our head and spirit does not like it….because it does not fit in with our plans…”I know that my body is my greatest science and wisdom and that it knows exactly what it needs to prepare, clear and to heal itself…” love that the body holds its wisdom and expresses and corrects itself, regardless off what we throw at it. When I was pregnant I had huge clearing in my body, for which I am deeply thankful after which I felt deep clarity and awareness.

  29. This is a beautiful capture on how to dissolve the thwarting thoughts that seek to lead us away from the absolute power, beauty and true magnificence all women naturally connect with when preparing to bring another being into this world. Such thoughts circulate to lessen the expression of our innate divinity through our physical form, but it only takes one puff of appreciation of who we truly are to dispel them.

  30. This is a great blog to share Cherise, as it will be of benefit to many women. I will not be having children in this lifetime, so it was lovely to read about the different thoughts that flood in when first pregnant, and also about the wisdom and truth that the body shares at this very important life event.

  31. Beautiful sharing Cherise, there is so much pressure on a woman to do and be so much when they are pregnant and fed so much information, it was so lovely to read about a woman really honouring herself and what she felt during this very precious time.

  32. The humour of this world is how it tries and at times succeeds in controlling how one lives. It uses this big bad word ” RESPONSIBILITY ” it wants us to be responsible to it and as result everyone fails as we cannot be responsible to whats not true. The beauty of the word responsibility is in the fact that when we take responsibility to be our true self then there is nothing outside our capability for in been our true self we known our capability . Being pregnant is part of the choice of capability for some women, have fun and its important to remember the child supports the mother in the process.

  33. When we listen to our bodies we know what best to say, when to say it, when we listen to our bodies we know what to eat and when to eat it, when we listen to our bodies we know when to rest and when to go to sleep.
    If we don’t listen we are in some way or another abusing ourselves.

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