How Breast Cancer Led Me To A New Way Of Living

I stood in front of the mirror and was drawn to my eyes… they were shining and so full of light that I stayed there for quite some time, mesmerised by the beauty they radiated and promised. The sheer sweetness and delicacy in my face reminded me of the beautiful little girl inside me – a sweet, moment… a soul-full moment… I was alive because I had discovered a new way of living.

4 years ago when I looked in the same mirror, my eyes reflected a dullness, a tiredness, sadness, struggle, a giving up and an ache, a longing to know that there had to be more to life than my painful existence. I tended to avoid looking deeply into my eyes because truth never hides when sought and the truth was painful – my eyes spoke volumes.

Jacqueline in the Bahamas aged 44

So what happened in the short space of 4 years? I changed… I changed my life, or it could be said that life changed me, and I was more than ready.

The diagnosis of breast cancer in July 2011 was a life changing event for me in a magnificent way, mainly because it was the catalyst of letting go of an old way of living (from my head) and beginning to live from my body – a whole new experience. From the intelligence of my body I knew which choices would truly support and that is why they were so successful and brought a new quality to my life.

What Were The Choices I Made?

My very first decision was to put myself first in my life.

My second decision was to give myself all the support my body and I needed.

My third decision was to combine medical treatment with complementary treatments in the form of Scared Esoteric Healing and Esoteric Chakra Puncture, modalities presented by Serge Benhayon of Universal Medicine.

From these three decisions, all other choices I made naturally unfolded… I made changes to my diet, sleep, exercise… but mainly I slowed down and in this slower pace it was clear to see what mattered and what didn’t. It was heaven to take all the rest and sleep my body needed at any time of the day… for as long as I needed.

It took me to develop breast cancer to break this life-long pattern of putting all others before myself, so ingrained and unconscious this habit had become. By doing so, by cutting this old energy of self-abuse, I was saying “No More!” to a lifestyle that led to my breast cancer and I was saying yes to a new way of living that was truly self-supporting. Without realizing this then, I was actually building a new foundation for my life that would not only greatly support me during treatment, but how I was going to move forward, that is, how I was going to live after treatment ended.

My second decision was born from the first and was very powerful because I turned my old pattern of being unable to receive or ask for support on its head to: “I need all the support that is available to guide me through a land I had never travelled before – breast cancer”.

My third decision was born from the second.  I just knew that the combination of both medicines (conventional and Esoteric Medicine) would provide all the support my body needed, addressing all the parts of me that desperately needed attention – the whole me and not just my right breast. This proved to be a very wise decision.

And in that very wise decision came a new insight, which was;

I had a significant part to play in my own recovery.

All of a sudden, there was me, there was my medical treatment and esoteric medicine; so much support for me. This feeling of so much support, something I had never had before, somehow comforted me on many levels, so much so that there was no way I could feel powerless, or feel like a victim, or go into ‘fight’ mode as is expected as soon as you get cancer. When I allowed the support I could let go of the struggle of having to do things on my own!

To Fight or To Surrender?

Had I not met Serge Benhayon and had his loving support, I too feel I would have taken on the fight, making it impossible to surrender – making it impossible to accept what I had created.

But as it was, not one bone in my body said, “I have to fight this cancer”. My whole life had been a battle and I was so done with the struggle, I had no fight left in me to either fight life or my breast cancer. The moment I gave up the ‘fight’ was the moment I could surrender, was the moment I allowed grace to enter… and this was the moment I could have all the support I could handle.

Now I have come to understand why I always felt a lack of support in my life was simply because I was not ready to take responsibility for my life or my choices. When I did take responsibility so much support was there for me, and having adequate support in place was crucial for me as it took away so much of my fear which initially had overwhelmed me, as fear had kept me in resistance to treatment.

The belief that we have to fight cancer, is a great distraction from truly seeing what learning is being offered to us by the cancer in our body, and what life style changes it is asking us to make.

For instance I have come to understand from what Serge Benhayon presents, that the breasts are the nurturing centres of the body, therefore my breast cancer was showing me the deep lack of self-nurturing I had for myself. I had no clue how to self-nurture, nor self-nourish, having always taken care of others first. I had to re-learn how to truly self-care and self-nurture, which flowed naturally when I started listening to my body and what it was communicating to me.

Life Is About Quality

Having surrendered and accepted my part in creating breast cancer my life took on a new quality. My quality of life changed because I was choosing to allow support, self-support, self-nurture, self-nourishment, which began a new relationship and reconnection with my body. Ah my body…

Truth never hides when sought, and truth can be painful. The painful truth for me was that I had given up on myself, then used many distractions not to feel this – not to feel how deeply disconnected and checked-out I was with my body. But, as I discovered: honouring myself reconnected me with my body and brought me back to truth and truth brought me back to myself and my sweetness…

Jaqueline McFadden - After Breast Cancer
Jacqueline aged 50 living with the sweetness of who she is

The beautiful, sweet little girl I had always been inside began to trust – trust herself, trust in people, trust in life, trust that her purpose in life was just to be herself, and with this knowing, she could let go of how serious, small and constricted her life had become, (her old way of living) and open to the grandness that life is, that she is, that we all are… This is such a sweet moment, a soul-full moment because I am alive; you just have to look into my eyes…

Jacqueline-Loving Life after Cancer
Jacqueline aged 50 radiant and loving life 4 years after being diagnosed with breast cancer

I am a Soul. We are all souls on this earth finding our way back home; self-love is the key.

‘True Power is in honouring who you truly are’.
Serge Benhayon.

I am forever grateful and deeply inspired by ‘The Way of the Livingness’, the loving reflection of Serge Benhayon, all the Benhayon family, and all the Universal Medicine practitioners who reflect this new way of living. A heart-full thank you to you all for all the loving support I have received in finding and living truth again.

By Jacqueline McFadden, The Netherlands

More groundbreaking articles by Jacqueline McFadden
 Breast Cancer – Prevention Has to be Better than a Cure  
“My life had been my own creation… including my breast cancer……”

Preventing Breast Cancer – Changing How We Feel About Our Bodies
“It is NOT normal to intensely reject, and loathe our bodies. It is a billion, trillion, zillion times away from normal…”

You may also Enjoy reading:

Read Fiona McGovern’s deeply inspiring account of how she found herself in My Right Breast – Finding Me Beneath the Cancer  “I have found the reflection of how to be a woman! It was with me all along, waiting for me to reconnect to her…I have met me.”

Fiona’s writing continue in My Marriage of Conventional Medicine and Esoteric Medicine
“People say cancer is a fight. I don’t feel it is.  The battle for me was before, when I lived from ideals and beliefs, now I have reconnected to me there is no fight or battle, just a beautiful return to truth.”

954 thoughts on “How Breast Cancer Led Me To A New Way Of Living

  1. “Life Is About Quality” it sure is yet many of forget this and make it all about how much we can get done – when we make life about quality and our presence at any moment we begin to see the magic in every corner.

  2. This is so deeply beautiful thank you Jacqueline, I always enjoy reading this. I hadn’t considered that we are in the fight before the cancer (or illness) occurs and that’s why it occurs, we fight being ourselves, fight how we truly feel, and fight (or override) our bodies and what they communicate. The surrendering to the situation and the grace that could then enter makes sense to me, it’s the stopping the fight that’s key and returning to self love and honouring ourselves – then the true healing can happen.

  3. The combination of Conventional Medicines and Esoteric Medicine in my own experience too has been very powerful Jacqueline. It is very possible to follow both and support ourselves so much more deeply to bring about a more profound healing for the body.

  4. What you are sharing with the world is Gold Jacqueline how many people I wonder would love to have this experience
    “I stood in front of the mirror and was drawn to my eyes… they were shining and so full of light that I stayed there for quite some time, mesmerised by the beauty they radiated and promised. The sheer sweetness and delicacy in my face reminded me of the beautiful little girl inside me – a sweet, moment… a soul-full moment… I was alive because I had discovered a new way of living.”
    So many of us feel that there is a different way to live, one that is more honoring and this is what you have found and shared with us all so that we have an opportunity or not to make those changes that you made to rediscover the you that was there waiting to be rediscovered.

  5. “The beautiful, sweet little girl I had always been inside began to trust – trust herself, trust in people, trust in life, trust that her purpose in life was just to be herself,” So simple, so profound, so inspiring.

  6. “Having surrendered and accepted my part in creating breast cancer my life took on a new quality. My quality of life changed because I was choosing to allow support, self-support, self-nurture, self-nourishment, which began a new relationship and reconnection with my body.” What is shared here is so key for any illness, accepting our part in creating it and then changing our everyday choices to reflect self love and self honouring by listening to the body. This changes our illness from something we may feel a victim of, to something offering an opportunity to heal and bring greater love into our lives.

  7. “The belief that we have to fight cancer, is a great distraction from truly seeing what learning is being offered” to often we say words like we are battering or fighting cancer, you have offered a completly different perspective.

    Thank you Jacquline

  8. I find it interesting that there are 2 words in your blog that we have misused and re-interpreted and that is ‘Power’ and ‘Surrender’ and because we have misused and abused them we are not living in a way that can honour and appreciate what the true meaning of these words can bring.

  9. “I am a Soul. We are all souls on this earth finding our way back home; self-love is the key.”

    Self love is our ultimate compass to guide us home.

  10. “My very first decision was to put myself first in my life.” fantastic, and from hear decisions can be made with a foundation of love.

  11. “to accept what I had created” this is a profound understanding that the way we live is reflected in the health or illness of our body.

  12. The belief and pattern of struggling and having to do it on our own is massive. I used to find it really difficult to ask for any support, to admit that I didn’t have it together was just to scary. I still can feel a level of weirdness when I do ask which I clock and see that this is an old pattern. What I am finding also is when you do surrender and allow the support a very magical unfolding comes from it, not just for me but also for the others involved. Powerful when we allow each other in.

  13. I love this sharing, I particularly like where you share fighting the cancer was not something you engaged in, surrendering into honouring and loving yourself. The key of course is to not wait for something so drastic and life threatening to occur.

  14. Such a great blog Jacqueline. I love how your 3 decisions you made began to change your life by making different choices in life. As women we don’t ask for support, we tend to put others first, and we don’t stop long enough to offer ourselves the necessary healing, all of which contribute towards our ill health.

  15. I know many people who have combined both medicines (conventional and Esoteric Medicine) and have had amazing results. The two work hand in hand and together offer the best opportunity for true healing.

  16. When I am in connection with my inner heart I know that what manifests in my physical body is drawing my attention to the fact that healing is required and also that a change is necessary to some aspect/s of my life style.

  17. “My very first decision was to put myself first in my life.”
    I love this, so many women put themselves last no wonder we have such rises in breast cancer, as women we are not nurturing ourselves as we deserve and hence illness comes along to offer us a stop and a break out from an unhealthy momentum.

  18. I am understanding that life is so much about the quality we live, how powerful that you found this Jacqueline through your illness. The body is incredible how it wakes us up from stupor and shows us the way.

  19. It is lovely how when you gave up the belief you had to fight the cancer that all the support and grace was there, ‘The belief that we have to fight cancer, is a great distraction from truly seeing what learning is being offered to us by the cancer in our body, and what life style changes it is asking us to make.’

  20. Very beautiful to read what you have shared and become, ‘The beautiful, sweet little girl I had always been inside began to trust – trust herself, trust in people, trust in life, trust that her purpose in life was just to be herself, and with this knowing, she could let go of how serious, small and constricted her life had become, (her old way of living) and open to the grandness that life is, that she is, that we all are…’

  21. What a powerful blog, and I feel it needs to be spread far and wide; a most beautiful account of a real woman experiencing Breast Cancer and taking this offering and deeply growing from it, rather than ‘fighting the good fight’. You feel and look amazing now, and thank you so much for sharing this very personal experience.

  22. “The painful truth for me was that I had given up on myself, then used many distractions not to feel this – not to feel how deeply disconnected and checked-out I was with my body.”
    And hear-in lies the plight of most of humanity.

  23. It is so important for us to allow support into our lives. Too much doing it on our own, we are not born to be alone, or do life alone, survival is unnecessary, there is so much to learn and enjoy in one another.

  24. Thank you Jacqueline, although I have not had breast cancer I can relate to everything you have shared here about the way you have lived prior to the cancer and the changes you have now made. I am also learning to put myself first, and “I had to re-learn how to truly self-care and self-nurture, which flowed naturally when I started listening to my body and what it was communicating to me.” It’s a simple approach which highlights the way we have been socialised as women to sacrifice ourselves and care for others without consideration for our self. Once we make the body our guide all the ideals and beliefs are exposed that lead to behaviours that are harmful to our own health and often all in the name of being a “good mother, wife, daughter, friend”, etc.

  25. This is a beautiful blog to come back to and re read and what I got from the blog this time was that life had been a struggle and the moment you gave up the struggle and surrendered this allowed a change to occur and that you allowed grace back into your body and this surrender allowed you to feel all the support that was there for you. I can feel the turning point in your words and it feels very powerful.

    1. Thanks Mary for highlighting this, our old ways of struggle can be let go of to allow ourselves to flow with what’s truly loving and caring for ourselves, and that might mean letting go of an old way or behaviour to simply let in more support and ask for help. What’s been shared is the difference between the feeling of struggle and the flow and lightness of letting grace into our lives as we surrender to what’s truly needed. Struggle could even be seen as the fight against the surrender to grace.

  26. I very much resonate with your article Jacqueline,! I too was totally disconnected from my body and deeper self, until my breast cancer diagnosis gifted me the opportunity to undergo a journey of discovery, reconnection, trust and forgiveness. Thank you for sharing your story with such beautiful sentiment.

  27. I think it’s great how you took the opportunity to be more aware of and make changes in the way you were with the whole of you, your whole body and being in life, rather than only focusing on your right breast as you said. So you still addressed the specific issue or disease but took a wider view on it as well.

  28. A great confirmation of how you are now choosing to live, and the impact this has, ‘The sheer sweetness and delicacy in my face reminded me of the beautiful little girl inside me – a sweet, moment… a soul-full moment… I was alive because I had discovered a new way of living.’

  29. “I had a significant part to play in my own recovery” in my experience in health and social care I sometimes think we miss this point – we are very quick to give our power away to doctors yet we forget how actually powerful we are.

  30. Sacred Esoteric Healing – the title speaks for itself. It’s sacred and it truly heals the energetic stagnations in the body. It brings shifts into our lives which we may not even be looking for. For example, recently I went to the Universal Medicine Retreat – UK/EU 2018. I went with the intention to become more purposeful and committed in what I do. What I left with is a deeper settlement in myself.. With this quality, purpose comes naturally and although I went to the course with my human problems, I came out with universal love.

  31. Usually we can sense when we are not living in a way that is supporting us and sometimes we can find it really hard to break a pattern or habit. The more I make the time to connect within and feel truly who I am the more I want to nourish this. Making the little changes to support this have been monumental and I can see how this can always be deepened also in the quality in the way I do things.

  32. What really stands out for me is how much you have changed looking at your pictures. But also that the before pictures are actually very similar to anyone else I see each and every day around me. Many people look not vibrant and alive like you do in the after pictures, and we see this lack of vibrancy as normal. Yet it is not normal at all!

  33. ‘True Power is in honouring who you truly are’. Serge Benhayon. This is so different to what we normally understand power to be and yet to read what is written here and in your blog Jacqueline is super empowering. Thank you for sharing.

  34. ” My very first decision was to put myself first in my life.>” This is such a key decision as even in illness so many women don’t put themselves first. Putting ourselves first is not a selfish act, tho many believe it to be so.

  35. By brining in self responsibility to our own health which means looking at things like how we move, talk and relate in our relationships, brings in the fact that we are multidimensional being. Healing needs to be done on all level of our being. Which is why Esoteric modalities compliment western Medicine so beautiful.

  36. I am loving learning more and more each day that life really is about quality. The more I make this the focus of everything I do, and how I am in every moment, the more I enjoy life – experiencing it through my body and not my head- and feel more committed to it.

  37. Dear Jacqueline, what a beautiful testimonial and what a life changing experience. You look so, so different and yes, like you say dull in the firs pictures. It’s incredible how much we can spark up once we let go of the self-abusive behaviours. Thank you for sharing.

  38. I keep returning to this blog and every time I do I get something new from it: what is shared feels so rich and full. What stood out today was the way you have let go of the small, serious and constricted version of your life and instead embraced your natural qualities of sweetness and playfulness. Love how it is never too late to change our patterns and that they really do start to slowly change, when we’re honest with ourselves and committed to loving ourselves on a deeper level.

    1. What you have highlighted here Bryony points to the breadth of healing experienced, it’s not just about the body recovering or the different and more supportive choices, it’s a return to our true being and living from that and our true qualities every day.

  39. “The belief that we have to fight cancer, is a great distraction from truly seeing what learning is being offered to us by the cancer in our body, and what life style changes it is asking us to make.” I love what you share here Jacqueline wouldn’t it be great if our conventional treatment also supported us to take more responsibility to see the learning and opportunity that is available in all incidents of illness and disease.

  40. “From the intelligence of my body I knew which choices would truly support and that is why they were so successful and brought a new quality to my life.” Love what you have described here Jacqueline, when we listen to the wisdom of our body we find a truer way to live in a quality that responds the more loving and tender we are.

  41. It is interesting how when we are diagnosed with cancer that we think we need to fight it. I am not sure that I have heard anyone say they want to fight a heart attack. By surrendering we give ourselves the space to accept the support that is around us and look at what needs to heal. When we fight it is like we are fighting our own body and expecting it to respond, but in truth when has fighting ever shown to work.

  42. “Had I not met Serge Benhayon and had his loving support, I too feel I would have taken on the fight, making it impossible to surrender – making it impossible to accept what I had created.” From this it is clear that to surrender is to accept what we have created. So very clear Jacqueline. So many people put up the fight because they are not ready to accept responsibility for their part in their illness. But as you say, once we surrender, all the support that we need is there. A very beautiful blog. I can feel your beauty. Thank you.

    1. There are also strong beliefs in society that illness and disease are random events, bad luck, genetic, etc, and even that they are punishment from God. Although we may admit we have allowed ourselves to get run down and that’s why we got the cold or virus, when it comes to these bigger health events we generally don’t see the connection between how we live and treat our body and the illness.

  43. “I had a significant part to play in my own recovery.”
    When we take responsibility and play a part in our own recovery we are saying yes to healing.

  44. “I had a significant part to play in my own recovery.” This is what often is missing from people’s awareness when they go though illness, we have a huge role to play in our own healing.

  45. The wisdom you share can apply to any illness showing in the body. At the moment I’ve got a bad allergic reaction and hearing your words I’m reminded that this condition is my creation. From this place I can veto the blessing it offers and support myself to get well again and live in a way that prevents future occurrences.

  46. We know how we were when we were young. We know how we are now. But just as change has occurred ‘for the worse’ it can go the other way as well. Life needn’t be a march towards illness and disease, but if it does come, as you show Jacqueline it’s a beautiful opportunity for us to let go and return to the truth we know.

  47. Oh my goodness, how different do you look???
    Wow, wow, wow- what an inspiring story. Gosh you can visibly see and feel the difference in quality of your first photos to your later ones.

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