My Lips, Red Lipstick and Me

I suppose that almost every woman has to criticize something about herself: her legs, her bum, her breasts, her hair, her nose – sad but true.

For a long time for me it was my lips.

I really did not like my lips. They were small and slim, had no true colour and they felt hard. I felt there was no point in giving them any attention, other than some light, almost colourless lip-gloss sometimes.

One day a friend of mine, while we were sharing with other friends what kind and colours of lipsticks we use, said to me: “I think that a warm deep red would suit you very well!”

“Whaat?“ I said. There’s no way I would wear a darker colour and especially not red! My lips are small and in no way beautiful enough for the colour red!

Over the next two days she ‘haunted’ me with the red lipstick. Every time I saw her she said smilingly, ‘red lipstick!’ and I’d start to run….

Finally I agreed to put red on my lips…. Very unusual and it looked artificial to me, but other ladies confirmed that it looked very nice and it suited me. However, I could only wear it for half an hour and then had to wipe it away.

Firstly it was too much colour, and of course with red lips I could not hide anymore.

Red lips symbolised for me: “Hi here I am. I am a woman confident and beautiful.”

But somehow, I did not feel like this at that moment – I did not want to stand out.

So in the coming months I started to observe my lips and give them special attention during my morning and evening bathroom routine. I touched them, put extra cream on them, made grimaces in the mirror and got used to the look and feel of my lips. I also started to look around in the shops for red lipsticks… Yes red ones! And also tried them on.

How did I get to this place you might ask?

After the experience with my friends where they supported me to show more of me and my beauty, I was confident enough to follow my inner feeling which was clearly saying: “Why not red lipstick? Try it.”

So I wondered what was it about my lips that I did not truly like, and I could remember a time in my youth where I did wear darker lip colours. I looked at some photos from that time and other times in my life and thought that my lips have not always been a part of me I disliked. So what had happened?

I realized that the choices I made during my lifetime influenced the look of my face and in this case of my lips.

The more bitterness or resentment I felt during certain periods the smaller and harder my lips became. And in times where I was happy (joyful) they looked different.

So I started to observe everyday what choices I made with my face and lips, and with time my lips changed. They lost their hardness and the bitterness around them ceased. They became softer, warmer and somehow fullerI could even feel them more whilst smiling or speaking.

Sonja loving her lips

And finally the day came when I found the red lipstick for me. I had a beautiful shop assistant who supported me in my decision and said that it didn’t matter how big or small the lips are, it is the attitude a woman wears the red lipstick which makes it look gorgeous or not.

Sonja Ebbinghaus Picture
Sonja Today

Today I love wearing lipsticks of different colours and intensities. They always reflect how I feel, and sometimes they lift me up on days when I would like to hide, but at the end what matters is that I have started to love my lips with or without colour on them.

And that’s a beautiful gift in itself.

It is always good to have a friend who ‘haunts’ you with red lipstick… 🙂

By Sonja Ebbinghaus, Germany

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1,124 thoughts on “My Lips, Red Lipstick and Me

  1. It was really beautiful the way you paid special attention to your lips and your relationship to them, bringing extra care to your lips as well. This would be a loving approach to any part of our body we weren’t comfortable with, until we can begin to love our whole body.

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