Divine Marriage – Commitment and Knowing True Love

I’m a bit of an oddball: I took ‘solo flyer’ to a high art form, being almost continuously and faithfully in relationships with men throughout my adult life, and yet managing to stay unmarried and separate. Not because I was looking for greener grass, but because I was not looking for any grass at all!

I’ve always felt a sense of what love means, but not seen it in the world.

I’ve always felt a sense of what love could truly be, with nothing around me to point to and say: ‘That’s it, that’s real love.’

There’s so much that was labeled real love, and didn’t feel like it to me.

Many of my relationships with men have been envied by others, considered to be wonderful, well-rounded and desirable in more than one way. I’ve gone into them deeply, too deeply for most men’s comfort. I loved those men and still do. They loved me, and still do. And there’s plenty of regretting of loss in all of it. But something never satisfied me; there was always a feeling of this elusive ‘it’ not being there, no matter what exalted heights we seemed to be going to.

The love we shared seemed to be lacking that ‘it’, even though it was ‘love’ by any societal standard.

Sex was often awesome by most people’s measure, and yet… there was almost always that elusive ‘it’ missing there too. A feeling of not being truly loved, not truly felt, not truly seen, a lack of commitment to truly connect in love with ourselves before connecting in body with each other (true intimacy) – of there not being the openness to truly let another in, or to truly love when the hearts are crying out to do it but blocked from expressing it.

I felt complete within myself by all the standards of general life. I wanted neither the monastery, nor loveless relationships of convenience; marriage (the way it looked to me in the world today), nor children (the way parenthood looked to me).

Actually I did want the ‘divine marriage‘ – the ‘stars’ – which has nothing to do with rituals, contracts and the form it is expected to take in the temporal world. It is the inspiring, sacred connection and understanding between two people that I could feel to be possible, but never attained in any consistent way with anyone. Had I found it, I may have married in the conventional sense.

Instead I discovered that to be a solo flyer and a woman and to not want to ‘catch’ a man for marriage and babies, was considered so unacceptable, so ‘weird’, so ‘abnormal’, that I separated even further.

The man-woman hooking game felt so wrong to me that I did not want to play it at all and the only way I saw to not play it back then was to keep myself separate and apart even when in relationship.

And although it rightly annoyed the men, I don’t relinquish one iota of their responsibility in it. They wanted to play off multiple women, and some of them did. They wanted to take off the (metaphorical) wedding ring when they were out and about on their own. Yet they wanted to have the possessed woman at home – wife, secretary, nurse, maid, assistant, mummy – all less-than-equal, a sub-set of their manly lives. And all the while not fully committing even to a relationship of that kind, not walking side-by-side with a complete equal human of opposite gender, which is what I wanted in my relationships. Men always seemed to have an eye out for greener grass, (ironically, when some of them felt they had found that greener grass, they discovered to their dismay that they’d actually had it all along and regretted having lost it!).

Am I being too hard on the men? You bet! If I take the flack for saying it, so be it, I’m used to that.

However this is not just a call-out to men; it’s also a call-out to the women of the world.

We need to hear it too, not as a self-righteous justification of why we’re rotten miserable and unsatisfied in relationships, but as an exposure of the shared responsibility – for our part in it.

The problem I keep coming up against personally is that just about everyone looks for the ‘outer form’ in one of the form-filling categories of relationships, assigned by society based on age, gender, social standing, etc. …

Either you’re a legally married or a de facto couple (and either way it’s assumed to be long-term, even in the face of the reality that it often isn’t) in a straitjacket-like commitment even when often in your hearts you’re not committed.

Or

You’re flying solo – casually dating, ‘bed-hopping’, leading the bachelor life, etc. because you don’t want to commit.

Or

You’re ‘just friends’, with or without ‘benefits’ (the ‘with’ meaning you have sex for relief but don’t want to commit).

Or

You’re confirmed celibate, leading the spiritual life (which could mean you’re retreating into a cave because you don’t want to commit).

All these Or’s and none of them lived as true relationship, with spouse, partners, self, friends, or God.

All these Or’s and none of them truth.

All about not wanting to commit, connect, stretch beyond limitations, heal hurts, or deal with uncomfortable truths, none of which can be done to their fullest extent without commitment to relationship with self and others.

I can feel within myself the divine marriage, and that with two people in it, every moment spent together could be cherished as both the first and the last.

Not one moment to slack off, or not be present, or take anything for granted.

By Dianne Trussell, Goonellabah, NSW, Australia

You might also enjoy:
Making A Relationship About True Love
“… an audio presentation from Annette Baker and Gabrielle Caplice about the choice “to not live a lesser quality than love in your relationship”.

Marriage vows: a commitment to myself and to humanity
Marriage vows with a difference. Michelle Sheldrake shares her marriage vows……. to herself!

Single By Choice – Does It Really Exist?
“….where I am coming from is a very conscious commitment to what relationships are truly about … LOVE.”

1,022 thoughts on “Divine Marriage – Commitment and Knowing True Love

  1. Thank you for calling out the shared responsibility that men and women have for avoiding committing to the transparency needed when entering into a divine marriage.

  2. Being in a loving relationship is saying yes to what is next without having any expectation of how it will unfold. Yes naturally healing occurs and sometimes it can be intense but as I keep bringing everything back to me, to the relationship with self there can only be love and the response in others confirms this way of being as change occurs to bring about a true love in my relationships.

  3. What is spoken of here, is an absolute commitment to self and to another, to God, to everything, a level of responsibility many of us both dread and yearn for; for we know that we can relate to another in that way, so the question for us becomes where do we start, what about the understanding that all relationships are based on the energy we choose and that it all starts with how we are with ourselves, all else comes from there.

  4. I love how you expose that it is the way most of us look for a certain outer form with relationships, this usually leads to eventual disappointment, disillusion, frustration and further hurt when relationships do not work out the way we want them to. When we have not committed to nor built a loving relationship with ourselves first we seek outside from others what we are unwilling to give ourselves and then put all our hopes and ideals and more on to others being what we want or think will fulfil us.

  5. Indeed when we deepen our connection with ourselves first ie. with our divinity our essence radiates outwards which can then be felt as true love; this then gives another the opportunity to open their heart and connect and deepen to their own true essence/ divinity. This is true intimacy.

  6. Commitment is not placing another or others before us in any way, shape or form; commitment is bringing our all, all of our innate qualities to the table first, hence presenting and offering our beingness/commitment to another.

  7. To have a true relationship with another one needs to also have true, truthful and honest relationship with oneself – without that there cannot be a true relationship.

  8. I love the idea that in any relationship “every moment spent together could be cherished as both the first and the last” for we never know if we will spend time together again. Every moment we live in this world is a moment to cherish, every one in our lives deserves to be cherished as we too deserve to be. And if we learn to cherish ourselves first then it becomes so very natural to cherish others; it simply becomes our normal.

  9. There is a great need to have a true relationship and reflect this to the world – starting with ourselves. The criteria here is nothing new – so why can’t we work to add in another one of what a true relationship is for all the world to see.

  10. I can understand why you wanted the ‘divine marriage’, doesn’t everyone seek that at some point, ‘It is the inspiring, sacred connection and understanding between two people that I could feel to be possible, but never attained in any consistent way with anyone.’

  11. The standards in general life seem setup to make us question that feeling of it not being ‘it’. Having met the societal standards of what a great relationship looks like, we can then give up, compromise, doubt ourselves. If these standards did not exist, so many more people would be awake and asking for deep, divine relationships.

    1. Society currently sells us a lie about what a true relationship is and so many are caught in the sense of knowing that what they have is not ‘it’ but feeling powerless to know how to go about changing things. Universal Medicine is shining a light on the commitment to transparency that is necessary to build a truly loving relationship with ourselves and others.

  12. Interesting article Dianne: you never settled for anything but true love, as the men you met simply could not give that you. But could it also be that you could not give that true love yourself because you did have that truly loving relationship with yourself? It is said that women should take the lead in this….

  13. We cannot really avoid relationships in this life – they are everywhere…relationship is everywhere. Which is just as well really because relationship is such a fertile ground for learning – if we choose to be a student of course which is always a choice.

  14. The games we play in and out of relationships is staggering and nothing to be proud of but everything to learn from. We are in relationships 24/7 therefore constantly have the opportunity to re-imprint.

  15. How is our commitment with self, we need to look at this first, ‘All about not wanting to commit, connect, stretch beyond limitations, heal hurts, or deal with uncomfortable truths, none of which can be done to their fullest extent without commitment to relationship with self and others.’

  16. When I slack off in my commitment to my relationship to myself or to another I get bored, frustrated and explosive very quickly. I am feeling now more than ever how horrible it feels in my body to let things slide or say nothing and how much lighter it feels to speak up, to share how I feel and to not let moments slide unchecked or unappreciated.

  17. ‘Not one moment to slack off, or not be present, or to take anything for granted’.. that is true commitment to myself, to life and to everyone in it. When we slack off or want ‘me’ time we’re basically de-committing to life and to our responsibility to living fully in it. What I am finding more and more is that the more I say ‘yes’ to life and all opportunities in it, the more energy I’m given, the more comes my way, to express, share and live with others.

  18. This calls out the categories we put ourselves into to fit into relationships – and yet there is a deep relationship with ourselves – unseen in textbooks – that it waiting to flourish. This sharing confirms that buy building the love we have for ourselves – we can take who we are out there.

  19. I deeply appreciate all the awesomeness and awfulness of relationships. The awesomeness of being truly connected, the awfulness of facing what has gotten in the way of being truly connected and have just to be dealt with—lifetimes of it in a moment, but never just one moment as we usually need more familiarizing, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate having more responsibility to be myself because of a partner. Every moment is very precious, without a picture of if we would stay together or not, but always bringing back to love. The choice to love or not is within us.

  20. Great blog Dianne. Shows that true love which is a commitment to live the love you are in full with another, requires utter and absolute commitment to living that love with yourself first.

  21. I have a lot of respect for you for not compromising what you felt, I think most of us, me definitely included, have compromised what we knew to the bone to be true to have a relationship. I heard a song last night and one of the lyrics were “you ain’t nobody until you’ve got somebody” – these kind of beliefs are completely against everything we are and everything life is about. If the purpose is just to have somebody – then what is the purpose for the rest of your life? If we change our approach and our intention in our relationships – what could be possible?

  22. mmm, I am back here what feels like years after reading this blog the first time and clearly it isn’t yet clearly there is more for me to feel and ‘get’ from what you have written. I am struck by the innate knowing we have that we deserve the ‘all’, we deserve the stars, and so does the partner we choose to be with. So do we all in fact and we should never let ourselves or them settle for less. That is not idealist, that is the love we come from, the love we are made of and the love we are here to express.

  23. Yes, that was blunt and it was confronting and it was great to read. We have to consider how we play the part as well, how we hold ourselves back from sharing blogs like that because we don’t want to name what is actually going on. It is a level of abuse we have taken as normal and consider we don’t have a choice in. Yet I can clearly see we have a choice, a part to play, and in fact, a great opportunity if we look the patterns square on and take responsibility for our part.

  24. The transparency of commitment to living true love in every moment with yourself and sharing this with another person, thank you Dianne for exploring the various shams that we perpetuate to keep us away from experiencing the possibility of a divine marriage.

  25. It is amazing all the ways that we can construct our lives to remain in protection, constantly looking out for the world to show it is safe before we will live what we know to be true.

  26. A divine marriage is something I believe many want but few are willing to commit to, many have settled for arrangements instead of committing to and discovering the divinity and Oneness we are all truly from.

  27. To have a Divine Marriage commences with a deep loving, understanding and acceptance of our divinity and all our divine qualities that we have come to earth to share.

  28. I can feel within myself the divine marriage, and that with two people in it, every moment spent together could be cherished as both the first and the last. This is so beautiful Dianne as you can feel the amount of absolute commitment and consistency in that commitment within your words.

  29. Focusing on the outer in any way, shape or form in any relationship I can see and feel more deeply in my body is simply a way to avoid and distract oneself from commitment and this commitment is not bound to another but a commitment to loving oneself. Oh… how we are purposely misled in society, all our own making to not commit to ourselves and hence to all our relationships.

  30. We know deep inside what true relationship is but it has been overlayed and just about buried with all the images and ideals, fairy tales, romanticism and the many lies. And thus, we can so easily settle for arrangements or stay solo in reaction to what does not feel true.

  31. Choosing a relationship based on love and evolution instead of comfort and security is not always the easier option but it is far more rewarding then any of the trappings otherwise on offer.

    1. Very true Liane, it is not always the easier option because there is a call to be the love we are made from, in every moment. Love does not stop calling us back to express that love in every moment from our being not our doing.

  32. I have often got the sense that one can either commit to themselves or to a relationship, that the two had to be exclusive of eachother. But it is beautiful to read how the truest form of intimacy actually comes from the relationship one has with themselves first, and from there the quality of all other relationships follow. So there can be no looking out for someone else to give what you need, but rather a foundational joining of two people together, in full appreciation of what each person brings.

  33. “to commit, connect, stretch beyond limitations, heal hurts, or deal with uncomfortable truths, none of which can be done to their fullest extent without commitment to relationship with self and others.” And when we do commit – how powerful is that. Beautifully expressed.

    1. Yes I can feel the expansion when we ‘commit, connect and stretch beyond limitations’ – just that expression speaks to me from the stars! So now it is about building consistency in that connection so it is my normal every moment.

  34. I love how you make commitment key, it’s an amazing feeling to be with someone and commit one billion percent to it, but it’s also an amazing feeling to be single and commit one billon percent to that. Perhaps the key is not whether or not we’re in a relationship but how we approach life.

  35. ‘I’ve always felt a sense of what love means, but not seen it in the world.’ And isn’t that the truth – until- along comes Serge Benhayon and his extraordinary family. As a family unit, these people are gold, for not only do they live what they talk about they inspire us to be so much more of who we are. They are fabulous role models for all ages.

  36. Thank you for sharing Diane and letting us in. All relationships have such divine potential it is up to each and every one of us to grab that potential and never let it go!

  37. This blog is so revealing in terms of where we are at collectively within relationships. For many, if not most of us (myself included) there is a propensity to hide in the comfort of the relationships we are in rather than see them as offered points of evolution, and as you suggest this takes a willingness and commitment on both sides in equal measure to go there and deal with what needs to be dealt with. How rare for this to occur and what a point of inspiration therefore when it does!

  38. And it’s such a lie that relationships fizzle out, die down, lose the passion and pzazz…. This happens when the relationship does not have the foundation of true commitment in the first place. If we seek the elation and those pieces of what we miss through the other, then what we’re doing is not bringing us in full to the relationship. Eventually, the holes will start to show. There’s only so much that another can fulfill in you that you will not fulfill for yourself.

    A great wise man once shared with me – relationships are always meant to deepen. If they stand still they stagnate. What an amazing invitation and inspiration to deepen constantly within ourselves, knowing that richness from within is the nourishing soil for our relationship to keep going to new depths. Is this not the love we all seek?

  39. Brilliant blog Dianne – and I can relate in some ways…. deep down always knowing the divine union I was seeking but not seeing it anywhere as a possibility in the world, not seeing it in the relationships i had and so shutting the door on it all together. That is, until the last few year where I have many role models now around me of couples being in divine union, absolutely committed to deepening their love, with themselves, each other and with everybody else – which ought to be, and most certainly can be, the foundation for any relationship. This starts with a commitment to ourselves, to make it about love, that is, our connection with ourselves first and energetic integrity and responsibility, no matter what.

  40. “All about not wanting to commit, connect, stretch beyond limitations, heal hurts, or deal with uncomfortable truths, none of which can be done to their fullest extent without commitment to relationship with self and others.” I love your honesty Dianne and this line perfectly sums up how much we can learn, grow and understand from relationships and there spherical learning of the whole by the reflections and interactions we find within our connections everywhere. Thank you.

  41. Relationships can be challenging as all our issues manifest for us to deal with and if we are not willing to take responsibility for dealing with them, then we are closing ourselves off to everything that relationship offers.

    1. And yet when we feel the divinity in us all, we can see that we are actually in relationship with divinity not the person. We choose energy, we can choose divine energy or not, when we do choose the divine, that is what we carry forth with us to all.

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