Woman Returning

Earlier this year I attended a workshop titled ‘Relationship with Self’, part of a new series presented by Natalie Benhayon, and Esoteric Women’s Health. The idea around these presentations is that as women today, we are not living the fullness of who we are, lacking that deep connection and knowing of ourselves as women which is impacting many areas of our lives.

At this particular presentation Natalie Benhayon was presenting alongside Miranda Benhayon and together the two women were speaking about intimacy, and in particular intimacy amongst women. They shared how as women this is actually a very natural part of us, yet in many instances it seems we are holding ourselves back from sharing this natural intimacy with one another.

For me, intimacy is the very warm and natural expression of love and affection towards myself and others. It can be found in a smile, a look, a touch, anything that comes from my body that expresses the love I am feeling. Listening to Natalie and Miranda speaking openly about this got me asking the question, “Why, when I know my very nature to be delicate, warm and nurturing, would I hold back sharing this with others”?

I realised that even though I do share intimately with people in my life, that I do this in measurements, a little bit here, a little bit for you, not so much for you today, or you hurt me, so you’re definitely not getting it from me today.

It’s as if there is a built in auto pilot that turns my intimacy levels off and on, based on how I perceive others to be around me.

What was being presented here was huge. I looked around the room at the 150 plus beautiful women surrounding me. To my eyes we were indeed different in appearance, and yet when I went beyond what my eyes could see, I could not help but feel our similarities.

I could feel at our core the deep love and warmth that was equal in all of us.

Some of the women in this room I am very close to yet I felt in that moment how much I have been holding back my naturally loving expression from them. WHY?

Perhaps where the presentation went next was offering the answer – comparison and jealousy amongst women, an issue as old as time. Natalie and Miranda spoke about the enormous harm we do to ourselves and in our relationships with each other when we come from a place of jealousy or comparison. It was a very humbling and eye opening discussion – to say the least.

From this presentation, I could feel how when I compare myself with another woman, I shut down the potential for intimacy in that relationship. It is not possible to appreciate another from that place of comparison, and it also places a very uncomfortable wall between us. This has been my experience for many years in relationships with other women, and in particular with those who are reflecting to me where I might not be living as true or loving with myself as I could be.

I was able to see that the comparison I had been choosing in my relationships was stemming from my own relationship with myself; a lack of appreciation and love for me.

In one short hour, comparison and jealousy was for me turned on its head, setting off a chain of events and choices that I knew would change my life and relationships forever.

AnnaMcCormack_1

I had landed at a crossroads and there was a choice to make –  to continue to allow comparison to dominate my relationships, OR, to work on my relationship with myself, and to start appreciating more who I am.

It has been some time since this presentation and in that time I have come into so much more appreciation of myself.

I have committed to really opening up to other women in my life, allowing myself to be inspired by them, rather than compare.

Through choosing to focus on my own love for me and by starting to really value and appreciate who I am as a woman, my relationship with myself has changed so much as has how I approach my relationships with other women in my life.

There are still moments when I feel comparison enter. But I look upon it differently now. I see it as a learning and an opportunity for me to look at any images I may be holding about myself or women in general, and I also see it as an opportunity or asking of me to appreciate myself more. My mother once wrote to me when I was a young girl that ‘you cannot love another until you love yourself’. Well I have learnt that the same is true of appreciation.

AnnaMcCormack-2
Anna McCormack

I can now see that everything comes back to our relationship with ourselves and that there is no stopping point to how loving this relationship can be. Without this love and intimacy with ourselves, we cannot think to have it with others as we are always in the torment of being less or more than another, always stuck in the comparison. But free of it, and with absolute appreciation for who we are, we can start to appreciate all others in this same light.

This has been my own experience and one I am finding most beautiful. I have found that the greatest gift we can offer others is the depth of love we hold ourselves in. A foundation for true love and intimacy in our relationships.

It always comes back to the love we hold for ourselves.

With huge appreciation for Natalie Benhayon, Miranda Benhayon, Esoteric Women’s Health, and myself, each of whose inspiration is beyond measure.

by Anna McCormack 

For Further Reading:
A must read article: The woman and how she belongs to herself, first.
What is true intimacy? Could it be learning to let love in and out?
What happens when comparison and competition between women gives way to inspiration and appreciation?

1,243 thoughts on “Woman Returning

  1. Thank you Anna, it’s a beautiful read. “It is not possible to appreciate another from that place of comparison”, this is a great reminder of how the lack of appreciation leads to comparison, as we are either in that loving way of approaching others, or we step out of love and then comparison and competition enter.

  2. I am feeling the more I appreciate me the more opportunities in life present themselves, appreciation of oneself is a doorway to the divine.

  3. “I could feel at our core the deep love and warmth that was equal in all of us.” if this was the one and only thing we learnt at school then the world would be a truly more loving place to be in.

  4. It always comes back to the love we hold for ourselves – and what a big influence such self love has on all areas of our lives. What a blessing we can give to ourselves.

  5. It totally turns comparison on its head to see it as an opportunity to appreciate ourselves more deeply and this is an ongoing journey of return to our truly loving selves that we can then share with others.

  6. When we measure ourselves and others from a perception or a belief we hold back our true expression and natural intimacy and reflect an unwillingness to be open and truly honest that puts another on their guard too.

  7. “I was able to see that the comparison I had been choosing in my relationships was stemming from my own relationship with myself; a lack of appreciation and love for me”

    This is so true Anna, when I am not loving myself I am much more likely to go into comparison. Deep self appreciation is needed to rid ourselves of this poison that does not belong to us.

  8. “It always comes back to the love we hold for ourselves.” Hear Hear, this is so so important, so much so that there is energy that does whatever it can to not let us know this, for when we know and claim this simple fact we are no longer slave to self criticism and judgement, we are free to be everything we are here to be. No wonder there are forces that hate us knowing our self worth.

  9. I am at a course and have been clocking how consistent I am with everyone or not as the case might be and just having the awareness is supportive to being more consistent.

  10. The trick is for us as women to hold back and not be all of who we are. It is such a trap to lessen ourselves to the world, in turn reflecting to others that they don’t have to be all of them either.

  11. “starting to really value and appreciate who I am as a woman” a precious gift for every young girl as she grows into a woman.

  12. “I could feel at our core the deep love and warmth that was equal in all of us.” When we feel our own love we naturally know we are all that too.

  13. Thank you Anna for this blog, every time I read it it reminds me of the opportunity to grow whenever i catch myself feeling jealous. When in it, we can be so wrapped up, but to bring a little bit of awareness to the fact that all that needs to happen is a questioning of “why do I feel less” and with that the doors to love open.

  14. What a beautiful sharing of the importance and joy in building and accepting our love for ourselves and bringing this into all our relationships and very loving and inspiring.

  15. Indeed that choice to compare ourselves with another just kills any opportunity for true intimacy, as we do not hold another as equal in essence rather better or less than us in our outer expression.

  16. I love what you offer here about how if we recognise comparison or jealousy coming up in ourself to see it as an opportunity to learn – to see if there are any damaging ideals or images we may be holding onto about how we think we ought to be and to see where we can actually appreciate ourself and also the reflection that another is offering us.

  17. Thanks Anna this sharing is so needed and to be explored. I looked more closely at comparison and boy oh boy was thier a lot of it going on, it became a bit ridiculous meeting someone for the first time and jealous of how they were talller, prettier, smarter, happier ! All in 5 seconds of meeting! The deepening of appreciation ensuring that I am the beautiful soul I can inhabit is the only way to heal this eons pattern of looking outside of self.

  18. Building love and intimacy with ourselves is paramount for all of us, ‘I can now see that everything comes back to our relationship with ourselves and that there is no stopping point to how loving this relationship can be’.

    1. Indeed, it makes sense the more we appreciate and confirm ourselves the less we will compare and judge ourselves against another woman.

  19. “It always comes back to the love we hold for ourselves.” BOOM! and there you have it probably one of the best answers we will ever need to any question- ever.

  20. How beautiful life could be if we connected with the women in our lives with intimacy and openness. We are all capable of surrendering our guards and showing our love to another, and there is no greater feeling than being able to be open with another, so why don’t we give it a go more often? Why are we so stuck in our old ways of walking around with an armour like a 1700’s warrior?

  21. Measuring out our intimacy is definitely something that I understand, and especially when it comes to being hurt, or not wanting to be hurt again. But to withhold intimacy feels like a great hurt towards another, to withhold love is very hurtful.

  22. ‘For me, intimacy is the very warm and natural expression of love and affection towards myself and others. It can be found in a smile, a look, a touch, anything that comes from my body that expresses the love I am feeling.’ This is a very gorgeous way for us to be with each other, I notice that this is how young children are with each other, from my observations they often hug, hold hands and openly express their love and fondness with each other.

  23. To become truly intimate has nothing to do with sex. It is the real opening in our heart to allow others in.

  24. This is beautiful, and really conveys how supportive these kind of lovely and sweet relationships can be, with intimacy not being something that is scary or suffocating, as there is no ownership or emotional drama, just a simple mutual holding of love between two people.

  25. Reading this is showing me how much more I am able to appreciate and love myself. I have come miles in the journey of appreciation of myself as a women but I can feel I don’t live this appreciation and there are still times where I feel there really isn’t much to appreciate which shows I am not truly valuing all that I am.

  26. Loving ourselves first then allows us to love another and then others, ‘This has been my own experience and one I am finding most beautiful. I have found that the greatest gift we can offer others is the depth of love we hold ourselves in.’

  27. It’s interesting that we are sold the idea that loving ourselves will make us selfish or appear superior to others. I find the more we love ourselves the more we naturally appreciate other women and hold them as equal. The love within us is a balm to the insecurities and comparison that plague women and keep us less than the loveliness we are.

    1. I have the same experience Fiona, through loving ourselves we heal our hurts which keep us in protection and detached from others. The more we love ourselves for who we are, imperfections and all we are able to appreciate others for who they are imperfections and all.

  28. True intimacy with other women provides the most awesome refection right back of how amazing, powerful and gorgeous we all truly are.

  29. “It always comes back to the love we hold for ourselves” If we were to just learn this in one life time it is a life time well lived.

  30. It can be so exposing when we feel how we first compare and judge ourselves as better or less than another woman, not appreciating what we bring in our own essence.

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