Pregnancy is a time of new beginnings and not just because there is a new person growing and developing inside. The true beauty of pregnancy is that it offers the opportunity for a deep change to take place in the way we live as women. A change that is initiated from deep within and supported by all that is offered during pregnancy.
Pregnancy is a time for us, as women, to experience ourselves more deeply as the delicate, sensitive and nurturing women we naturally are.
I have had the opportunity to be pregnant twice and from these pregnancies I now have two amazing daughters. Each time I learnt a profound amount about how I was living as a woman leading up to each pregnancy and the changes that were needed as each one progressed.
In each trimester, of both my pregnancies, I was presented with a particular theme and within each theme there was much to be seen and felt. The themes were all connected to the same purpose – to support me to unfold back to the beautiful Woman I Am. Each theme built on the one before and prepared me for the next. Working hand in hand, they guided me to uncover and shake off the ways I had been living that did not support me to be the Woman I Am naturally.
With my most recent pregnancy I was aware that by becoming pregnant I was signing up to (at least) a nine month, in house, healing program. Little did I know how much healing would unfold!!
Letting go of Perfection in Pregnancy
In the first trimester I could feel my body was supporting me to slow down and take stock of how I was living as a woman, directing me to look at ways in which I was living in too much motion. Which makes sense as one of the deeply inspiring qualities of a woman is Stillness – the ability to be internally still while the world whirls all around outside, allowing us to not be affected by any of it and so giving us an enormous amount of space to support others.
Stillness was a quality that I needed to accept more of into my body and my life. This became evident by the onset of morning sickness at 5-6 weeks. While experiencing morning sickness I was unable to just keep carrying on. My body was sending me a message. STOP!
At this time what was revealed was the drive I had to make everything ‘perfect’ in order to be seen to be doing OK, rather than just truly being OK. As I allowed myself to feel this exhausting pattern of trying to get it right, I discovered my obsession with perfection was there to keep me ‘safe’ from being criticised and judged by others, because when I felt criticised or judged, it deeply hurt, so the theory was that if I was ‘perfect’ there would be nothing to be criticised or judged negatively for. Right?… Nooooo!
Exploring what ‘perfection’ was really about I realised that it was a completely unattainable thing, as everyone has their own individual ‘imperfections’. These differences are what bring us together because what each of us has is needed to complete the whole. No one person has it all. So my quest for ‘perfection’ was absolutely pointless.
Having now seen all this I was left with feeling exposed and ‘unprotected’ without this behavior. I could feel a tension in my body, a bracing of my body, a holding, and an anxiety especially in my pelvic/hip area. The energy I was noticing and connecting to felt very controlled. I was holding my body tight and in a certain way. Even the way I walked my body felt rigid, deliberate, not fluid but controlled.
Letting go of Control in Pregnancy
With the onset of my 2nd trimester I realised that my need to control gave me a false sense of ‘protecting’ myself (again!). If I controlled myself and those around me, and my environment, I would reduce the risk of being hurt, I had some sense of predictability which gave me the possibility of feeling ‘safe’. It was my way to avoid feeling vulnerable.
As I gradually let go of the need to control and got used to feeling more vulnerable and open, I could feel that less control meant:
- More connection with myself
- A more natural flow with life
- Feeling my vulnerability and natural tenderness.
Because without the hardness and rigidity to be in control, there was room for me to just be ME and I was discovering that underneath all these behaviours I was naturally tender and delicate inside.
The True Beauty of Pregnancy
Pregnancy has offered me a way to embrace my natural tenderness and delicateness through feeling vulnerable. It has also supported me to live this in my everyday life, by uncovering the ways in which I had been overshadowing these qualities with the quest for perfection and the need to control.
There is so much on offer to us as women throughout pregnancy. We are given the opportunity to feel the innate qualities we have as women. This is the true beauty of pregnancy. To return to the delicate, sensitive and nurturing women we naturally are.
By Anonymous
Hear Adrienne talk about tenderness and it’s remarkable ways
Or listen to a free audio of the Gentle Breath meditation, a tool to support you to connect to the stillness in you.
Women in Livingness Blog 
We sold the opposite as a picture and shown that control is a strength and yet “less control meant: – More connection with myself, – A more natural flow with life – Feeling my vulnerability and natural tenderness.” – all true strength over and above any so called control we could have.
Pregnancy of all times is a time of greater vulnerability, and it is a blessing when we can surrender to this rather than resist or fight it.
“As I allowed myself to feel this exhausting pattern of trying to get it right, I discovered my obsession with perfection was there to keep me ‘safe…” – This is such a great thing to realise and bring awareness to in order to help break the whole perfection game – as always it is about understanding what one does and why rather than just blindly trying to change things.
Stillness is an internal expansion that can be felt far and wide. We’re all so much bigger than the narrowed down human beings that we pretend to be. We reduce ourselves as a matter of course but the great thing is that expansion is forever at hand.
There is so much for us to uncover in regards to pregnancy and giving birth – I love reading these experiences and speaking with women who have done it differently for I know that if it were to happen with me one day, I would like to too do it differently – in a way that my body and the body growing inside of me are honoured.
There is so much to learn from life, all of the phases we go through have a lesson which is worth uncovering – looking into and pondering on. As a teenager we learn much about the way the world works, we are in school but we also leave school and tap our toes into adulthood – into the responsibility of maybe getting a job and; seeing into the world of those who raised us. As we enter our twenties we become more familiar with that world, we learn to stand on our own two feet, no crutches by mum and dad, Life is a book full of lessons, we just have to learn to read.
The simplicity in life is to live true to self however the need to get it right to not be criticised or judged is a big one to let go of. What I am working with at the moment is commitment to self in every moment and to deeply appreciate. The key for me is in the appreciation for self.
It is sad that in our constant quest for perfection and control we lose our innate connection with ourselves as women so the gift offered by pregnancy is an opportunity to reconnect and explore our relationship with ourselves and our tenderness as well as the wonders of the growing life within us.
“Pregnancy is a time for us, as women, to experience ourselves more deeply as the delicate, sensitive and nurturing women we naturally are.” This is a lesson in life and not just for pregnancy.
I agree that opening up to being more vulnerable and sensitive is allowing me to be more of who I truly am.
for so many of us the idea that we are naturally tender and delicate can be difficult to comprehend because of the toughness and harshness we live with in our lives. if in every day we carry heavy bags, race with cars on our bikes in a rush to get to work on time, and then compete with everyone around us at work, how could we possibly know that delicacy that resides within?
There is so much on offer for us when we are pregnant, ‘Pregnancy has offered me a way to embrace my natural tenderness and delicateness through feeling vulnerable’.
So many women connnecting to the true beaury of pregnancy, it is inspiring and very touching to read.
What a gorgeous opportunity we are given to increase our awareness and connection when pregnant, ‘Pregnancy is a time for us, as women, to experience ourselves more deeply as the delicate, sensitive and nurturing women we naturally are.’
These are conversations we could be having more of as women and mothers, to support each other, instead of pretending with each other or talking about how ‘bad’ we think we are. At any time throughout our lives we can stop and understand ourselves more deeply, drop the control and perfection and feel the beauty and power in being vulnerable.
Yes these are really important conversations not just for women but for humanity as the more women reconnect to their innate sacredness the more their reflections will support all to return to stillness.
There is a still pulse within me that is becoming more alive after reading your experience Robyn. Even I’m not pregnant I can feel clearly the absolut tenderness and delicate nature that we as women come from. There is a huge difference between the grand stillness that lies inside of us and what we have made with that living from the outside reaching constantly for perfection. Thanks for sharing such an inspiring testimonial.