From Feeling Unsure of Myself to Surrendering to the Woman I am

A little while ago I connected to the hardness and tension in my body that I have felt many times before, yet had not ever connected this to the fact that it was there because I was feeling unsure of myself and holding-in the true woman I am.

I began to feel the details of what I am actually hardening myself against.

First of all there is a general feeling of a lack of confidence and being unsure in many situations. Unsure as to how to respond to the situation at hand, unsure because I may not understand what the other person is saying and unsure because what I feel to say may upset the person or people I am speaking with.

Yes you read correct I GIVE POWER TO BEING UNSURE OF MYSELF. Yet in truth if I allow myself to feel underneath the unsureness, there is simply a steadiness of love that is always waiting and willing to be spoken, it is up to me to give voice to this love.

So how am I coming to terms with this old pattern and how am I beginning to change it?

If I don’t understand what another is telling me, I say so. Once upon a time the unsureness and nervousness in my body would have assumed I knew what they wanted, this I would then do – only to find myself in trouble, as it was not what was asked of me. Now though if I don’t understand, I stand steady and ask for more clarity. Sometimes others get frustrated in having to explain things again, other times when I ask, the other person can see that what was said didn’t make sense.

If I am feeling unsure of myself and how to respond to a situation, I have come to understand that this is because I have reacted and taken something personally.

By going into reaction I am no longer connected to the true woman that I am.

The knack of recognising when I have reacted is taking a little refining, yet the moment that I do, I immediately choose to feel my feet on the floor – I am connected to my body once again and in this connection I can begin to feel the truth of the situation, to understand what is going on for both myself and those around me. This is the greatest support as I can then respond with the fullness of my body and a tenderness that would not be possible if I had taken something personally and gone into reaction and defence.

When I respond from my tenderness, it doesn’t mean that what I say is wishy washy, in fact much of what I say from my tenderness is steady, strong and held with a conviction that what I have to say, holds merit.

The other part of the feeling unsure of myself was the fear of upsetting others with what I had to say. It has been strongly embedded in my upbringing that we have to all “get on” and in this getting on with others I have been taught to “not rock the boat”, and to “hold my tongue”. It no longer feels right to hold back what I have to say and it is becoming easier for me to speak up in sticky situations. In doing this there are times where I feel the anger, annoyance or sometimes downright rage and attack that can come at me, – for when a truth is spoken that others can feel is true, but have not chosen for themselves, they can react and be rather harsh with their response. Holding my connection and presence to my body in these situations can be difficult. However, knowing from the depth of my being that what I have to say is important and worth saying, is supporting me in these situations.

This awareness has been very poignant for me.

It has highlighted that it doesn’t matter what is happening around me, as it is not the event or situation that makes me harden, but my choice to not hold myself as the truly beautiful, vital, loving, sacred woman I am and have started to experience.

I had been holding back the full woman that I am to protect myself in the wake of what is going on, in an attempt to not feel, what in truth I cannot but feel.

This has shown me deeply that by stopping and being aware of my body and my inner essence within, and letting go of the many beliefs that I have held around how I have to be with others (essentially surrendering to the true woman I am) is the only way to release the hardness and tension that is held in my body. I have begun to live this understanding, and choose it more and more every day.

From feeling unsure of myself to choosing to surrender to the true woman that I am is the most beautiful feeling that I have ever felt in all the days that I have lived. Yes all of the above can be challenging, yet to not keep surrendering to who I am hurts far more than anything else that comes at me. So even though I have not yet fully stepped into living surrendered all of the time, I am choosing to do so more and more and the more that I do, the easier it is to bring out the woman I truly am.

I am a beautiful, articulate, tender, loving, honouring, supportive woman and I hold within me a sacred wisdom that is not for me alone, but is for all and therefore to not live this is not only harmful to me, but the world misses out on the beauty, steadiness and love that I bring.

by Leigh Strack, Eungella, Queensland

You may also enjoy:
A True Woman: Surrendering To My Tenderness by Paula Steffensen
And
Henrietta Chang’s blog on fleeing Iran and saying ‘no’ to the abuse and embracing a life with more tenderness 

1,009 thoughts on “From Feeling Unsure of Myself to Surrendering to the Woman I am

  1. How many of us are encouraged to hold our tongues? Many children are ridiculed because of the simple truths that come out of their mouths every now and again. Through such experiences we show them that in the adult world, people don’t speak the truth so children shouldn’t either because otherwise adults get embarrassed. What is that embedding in the world? How honest are we with it?

  2. Leigh, taking things personally and going into reaction is one sure way of bringing hardness and protection into the body. This can then become a downward spiral as thoughts of judgement, self-doubt and lack of worth quickly follow. Through consistency, dedication and simply connecting to the body builds such a steady foundation – the steadier the foundation the more easily any reaction can be felt and then the choice can be made to surrender and reconfirm the loveliness we are.

  3. It is very freeing to expose old patterns that we use to make ourselves feel lesser and understand our unwillingness to take responsibility being the cause of why we hold back from allowing ourselves to be seen. Being inspired to know we are able to choose differently when we connect and listen to our body, feel the truth and wisdom it is consistently communicating and express in full without reservation.

  4. When we are told to ‘hold our tongue’ we just hold back what is there to be expressed which means when we do it can come out in a clumsy way and result in a more reactive conversation. It is much wiser and simpler to express what is there to be expressed in the moment or let it go till the opportunity presents itself again without holding on to the missed opportunity.

  5. We give our power away when we’re invested in an idea of who or what we think we should be, for someone – even though they (usually) just want us to be ourselves. Giving our power away doesn’t tend to happen when we’re fully feeling connected to ourselves and through that, bringing all of who we are to the table.

  6. Yes it’s easy to blame the situation rather than take responsibility for our part in it. We need to stand back and see the bigger picture and allow space for understanding.

  7. Going into reaction can feel horrendous and at times feels like there’s no way back from it but what I have observed is that when I take responsibility for my part in a situation the intensity of the reaction then changes.

  8. Oh my I so relate I can totally give my power away to feeling unsure of myself, this simple has to stop.
    Most of the world are in self doubt and unsure of themselves, we need to shine bright and reflect the power in real love.

  9. The restrictions of living constantly less by feeling constantly unsure of ourselves is most definitely a path to illness and disease. Such contraction causes more harm than most realise yet for most this is the unfortunate norm. However it is always a choice and we can indeed say yes to re-claiming ourselves in our true full gorgeous beauty as you are doing here.

  10. A profound sharing and knowing ” to not keep surrendering to who I am hurts far more than anything else that comes at me. ” This is a key changer in life and the surrendering to the knowing of all we are and living this in our everyday lives .

  11. The moment I react to what is going on around me But love myself enough to clock it, I make the journey to come back to myself; the unsettlement and discomfort of the reaction within my body is enough for me to know that what I am feeling is not who I am but an energy I have introduced into my body.

  12. Beautifully claimed, and how great that you now have the understanding of the responsibility that we all have, ‘I am a beautiful, articulate, tender, loving, honouring, supportive woman and I hold within me a sacred wisdom that is not for me alone, but is for all and therefore to not live this is not only harmful to me, but the world misses out on the beauty, steadiness and love that I bring.’

  13. Not staying steady with what we feel and know to be true feels like the fastest way to erode our sense of self worth. Building it back up again takes a commitment to feel first of all what’s actually going on, and then to honour what we feel.

  14. If you are unsure of yourself then you may worry but there may also be a bigger potential than you are currently considering and that may be the source of the insecurity.

    1. Well said Christoph, the feeling of ones potential, that may well be far beyond where one has allowed self to accept and live with the responsibility it requires, can definitely engender unsureness. But this is only if the potential is stepped away from and ones self doubt allowed to cloud what is possible.

  15. Un-sure-ness leaves us standing on incredibly rocky ground, I know this super well from experience. When we have not built a solid knowing of who we are we are at the mercy of everything around us, like a buoy in the sea being moved by one wave after the next, rather than the steady, solid consistency of a lighthouse.

    1. Unsureness is a deeply disturbing reality that humanity is gripped by. We all have a choice in letting it dominate our thoughts, or to steadily let it go and return to our own divine essence.

  16. A great choice to make if we feel even the slightest bit of reaction, ‘I immediately choose to feel my feet on the floor – I am connected to my body once again and in this connection I can begin to feel the truth of the situation, to understand what is going on for both myself and those around me.’

  17. To get on can be such a trap for it asks us to compromise and not honour who we are, and it introduces complication in how we are and can be with ourselves and others.

    1. That is so true, however to understand why there is disharmony with another is very empowering for the relationship and can mean that you get on without covering up any not getting on!

  18. Yes.. reactions cut us off from our essence, and make it difficult to express what we’re actually feeling. In fact they’re a great excuse for us to not have to express what we’re feeling because we’re so busy distracted by our own reaction! Giving our power away and all other reactions drain the body, whereas expressing what we actually feel, revitalises it.

  19. What if we have all been told to be polite and that we are all dancing around what we actually want to say so no-one knows what to do because there is no truth in any of our expressions! Yet that is our normal so when someone comes along and speaks the truth it breaks the pattern of expression we have always known to be normal which can trigger feelings that encourage us to shut down rather than surrender to a more natural and true way of expressing.

    1. From my own experience this is what actually happens a lot if the time, and with the shutdown comes a reaction or retaliation. This is where it becomes super important to begin the conversations and to present the possibility that the reaction is not coming from the essence of who we are. As it is only when we begin to feel our essence that we become aware of our patterns and reactions that are, in fact, a long way from the truth of who we actually are.

      1. After listening to a presentation on the weekend I have understood your comment on a whole different level. Building a relationship with our inner essence and having conversations from that space leaves less room for naming, shaming, blaming and complication

  20. This has been true for me also, going into reaction about things rather than observing life has lead me to exhaustion, being critical of myself and others and feeling heavy and low. It is so important that we work with observation of life, it is something that I have been practicing and have to say it has worked miracles.

    1. It is something that I too practice and the daily awarenesses living this way brings are constantly deepening. Many awarenesses I would find challenging if I had not loved and deeply appreciated myself. The key to observing life, I am learning, is having the strength and willingness to allow what I become aware of to be. Any hint of judgement or criticism of what I feel and I am lost again to the unsureness and doubt.

  21. “From feeling unsure of myself to choosing to surrender to the true woman that I am is the most beautiful feeling that I have ever felt in all the days that I have lived.” Beautiful Leigh. I too have felt unsure for much of my life, but the more I appreciate where I am and where I have come from, allows more suredness in my life and in me.

  22. I can so relate to having had a “feeling of a lack of confidence and being unsure in many situations”. In fact looking back it seems to have been quite a regular occurrence and it kept me in a continual state of un-ease. In truth it kept me away from the amazing woman I am, one who is naturally confident and very assured. It has taken a while to get to this point in life but to get here I made the choice to get to know who I really am, what actually makes me ‘tick’ and what is my place in the world. A beautiful, but often challenging unfolding, but one I am so delighted to have said yes to.

  23. Tension and hardness in our bodies are great guides to when we are not being our true selves or have reacted to something and are trying to hold it all in. I like the simple steps to not allowing that tension to build and not make anything more important than you.

    1. Yes Fiona, it is when we make what is outside of us more important than who we are that we lose ourselves and can go into protection, hardening the body. It makes me appreciate how vital it is to be present and connected to my body treating it with the utmost of love that it greatly deserves.

  24. When we begin to allow ourselves to surrender to the love we are within as women, we will discover as you have shared, that our connection to our essence is what holds us steady in the knowing that who we innately are is everything that is magnificent, wise, sacred and naturally deeply beautiful. Yes, all of which greatly needs to be lived in the world.

    1. When we choose to open our eyes and see the way we as women are in the world, the choices that are made each day, the hardness, drive and exhaustion that can be seen in the eyes and bodies, yes it is important to live in a way the shares the natural beauty, stillness and steadiness of our essence with all. Such grace shares on many levels that to live in the drive is not the only way to be in the world.

  25. I agree it is our choice whether we give voice to the love we are within, and through a willingness to be honest and express what we are feeling in our body we are able to trust ourselves from the truth of what we feel and learn to express from a sensitivity and tenderness that is naturally there.

    1. Yes, the more I surrender to myself and stop trying to control situations the more I know this to be true. We are sensitive and tender and the tension we have taken as our normal is the fight to not feel that tenderness because we are afraid we will not know how to handle what is in front of us. Yet I am discovering that the only way to handle what is in front of us is to stop trying to control it… Go figure!!!

  26. When women hold back the amazing beings that they are simply to protect themselves from what they fear may come at them, not only do they miss out so does the whole world, starting with those close to them. I have discovered that a woman stepping out into the world in her true and very exquisite essence has the power to change the world, one step at a time.

    1. Yes, protecting yourself from losses comes at a cost, especially if the protection is illusory and therefore can’t work.

  27. Thank you Leigh, I understood the process you have shared that if we react then we may feel unsure because the true woman, with all her knowing, love and truth, has already been disconnected to. By coming back to the body and trusting ourselves we can find we are not actually unsure but do know how to address things.

    1. The experience of completely allowing our body to be our guide is very humbling. Our mind thinks it knows and is very quick to repeat the actions we have chosen to similar situations, where our body simply knows the deeper truth of the moment and offers a totally different ways of being in and with the moment we find ourselves in. The body really is more intelligent than the mind alone.

  28. One of the problems with worrying about upsetting others is that whatever we say or do or do not say or do not do we will always upset someone. For example if we are very loving (equals truthful) some people will appreciate what we say and others will hate it as their lies are exposed. If we hold back those that appreciate truth will feel the lie in that and those that are wanting to hide something will be confirmed and feel more comfortable. Seeing as trying to please people is harmful to us and them and does not work anyway, why not simply drop all that, make a commitment to love and truth (because that is who we are and what we are here for) and see what happens!

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