I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and was so blown away by what I saw. The words were out there in the room before I could stop them – ‘OMG I am so hot I don’t know why this mirror isn’t bursting into flames’. I suspect that this is the result of the growing appreciation of myself as the woman I am and the refusal to allow self-critical or self-bashing thoughts to invade my days. This has not always been the case.
Self-loathing and self-criticism
I have a history of an abusive childhood and in the past used to look into any mirror with dismay, anger and criticism, searching for faults and nodding my head when I saw them, seeking confirmation that I wasn’t what I should be.
What did I think I should be? Everything that wasn’t who I am.
I wanted: A different build, height, hair colour, less weight with no wrinkles, no saggy bits and no drooping bits.
When I felt less as a woman and not up to scratch, I often made myself feel more than who I am. I’d go around in a false elevated fog thinking I was better than anyone else, holding myself above everyone else, with a superior attitude. This never worked as a long term strategy though. I always took myself to pieces once I got home, or even in the car going home. Or something would happen to prove me wrong, like someone else clearly looking better, slimmer, younger and lovelier than me. It seemed like I was in comparison to others all the time.
Time to change
By learning to connect to my innermost myself, I began to feel what it is to be the woman I was born as. I learned what it was to make self-loving choices, and kept on making them.
For a time it seemed like I was taking two steps forward and four steps back, but I developed a pretty dogged commitment to myself to treat myself with tenderness.
The self-loathing stopped being such an attractive choice.
Without Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I would still be treating myself with criticism and self-loathing and fooling myself that anger and hardness were the way to live.
I’m not perfect with my choices by any means and I am consistently working on deepening what I feel. However, I am so very different with regards to the tender preciousness I hold myself in now.
I bear little resemblance to the woman I was ten years ago.
I have healed many of the hurts that prompted me to self-loathe and be so hard and critical about myself. Now I hold myself in a deep regard and respect that allows me to grow as a woman, giving myself the grace to learn as I go through life.
Appreciating Me: Looking in the mirror
When I look into a mirror now, what I see is the love and tender gorgeousness with which I treat myself and through which I connect to myself. And that is what everyone gets to see and feel – this incredible package that is me. I decline to see what is not me; instead I build and will keep on building a true loving me.
Appreciating the woman I am
My appreciation of the woman I am has played an important choice in my transformation from self-loathing to loving adoration. It is something that I have had to learn to do. I started small and worked up to the big stuff. My appreciation of small things included how I opened doors gently, how beautifully I turn down my bed at night and how gentle I am with myself in the shower each morning. With big things, a key point came for me when I had a bad hair cut and I realised that I was far more than my hair cut, far more than what I wore, my make up or the shoes I ‘strutted my stuff’ in.
Far more than any outer thing is this gorgeous love that walks with me wherever I go.
This was one ‘tipping point’ of realisation for me: when I looked at myself in the mirror and knew that no hair cut could change this extraordinary yet very ordinary love that I am.
Looking in the mirror this morning was another ‘tipping point’. I am coming up to 62 years of age and have never been sexier, tender or more loving.
I know that I am a living miracle: I love that I am choosing an even deeper love for myself for tomorrow, by my choices to deepen my appreciation of the woman I am, today.
In deep appreciation for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine practitioners, Simone Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Miranda Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhayon for all their support on my way back to being my lighter self.
By Ariana Ray, England
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