Jealousy: Foe or Friend?

Recently I realised that I was often feeling jealous and compared myself to other women, particularly my friends. If they achieved something or were doing well, got a new boyfriend, a lovely dress, anything really, I would feel small pangs of jealousy arise within my body.

In the past I have quickly pushed down these feelings of jealousy and then played the ‘nice friend’, commenting and congratulating them on whatever it is that they shared. Because the jealousy was only a small feeling, nothing too big that only lasted for a few seconds, I didn’t think I had jealousy issues. 

However through attending Esoteric Women’s Health presentations, discussing the comparison issues that play out between women, I came to realise that I had been kidding myself and that even a small amount of jealousy was still jealousy. This was something that I wanted to address. Interestingly enough, as I allowed myself to feel the jealousy, I discovered it wasn’t really that small at all. In fact there was a lot of it and there had always been a lot. I just hadn’t allowed myself to feel it.

So this has led me to ponder – what is jealousy and how I am with it?

Jealousy: My Foe

What I have found within myself is that it comes up whenever I compare myself with another and see choices that they have made that I have not made and could be making. I feel bitter, sometimes sad and even frustrated and this is often accompanied with a pang in my heart or my solar plexus.

What I also found interesting is that this was at play with other women, but not so much with men which has led me to understand why I had chosen a lot of male friends in the past, as it was easier not to have to feel this jealousy that was at play with other women.

What I also came to understand is that I had been giving myself a hard time for feeling jealous and would quickly push it away as though it wasn’t really there… I was judging it and in this, judging myself too. I would carry on with my friends as though nothing had affected me and as though I was truly joyful for them. I wanted to be joyful for them, but in truth even that small ounce of jealousy was stopping me from feeling this.

Jealousy: My Friend

Since exposing this jealousy, I have made the choice to work with it – not to see jealousy as the enemy but to become friends with it. For instance, now when I feel its pangs rise up, I take the opportunity to express either to myself or with my friend (if appropriate) that this is what I am feeling. Then I am not hiding anymore behind a façade and am being honest with myself as to what is really going on.

But perhaps the biggest step I’ve made has been to make the choice on a daily basis to celebrate myself.

Celebrating myself is about appreciating all the amazing qualities that I have, rather than focusing on the things that I don’t have. When I truly appreciate myself, I find that I am less likely to feel jealous. After all, jealousy only comes through comparison. When I connect with me through my body and feel my own love from within, I feel complete and find I have no need to compare myself to another.

In this celebration of myself, I also celebrate other women on a day-to-day basis.

So now when I see a woman feeling and or looking gorgeous, I’ll express it and not hold back. When I feel she has done something amazing, I’ll let her know, truly celebrating her in that moment. What I have found that as I celebrate her, I also celebrate me and the amazingness I feel in her is the amazingness and beauty in all women. I feel us as equals and there is no jealousy, no comparison, just the beauty of all women.

I still have feelings of jealousy come up, but they are becoming less and less and I am enjoying and feeling the beauty in all women more and more as I celebrate myself and them every day.

This article was inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Esoteric Women’s Health.

by Donna Gianniotis, BA Comms, Dip Health (Yoga), Sydney, Australia

You may also enjoy:
Women, Comparison & Love by Anonymous
Comparison between Mothers and Daughters by Adrienne Hutchins
The Truth about Beauty – We are Enough by Sheri Gompelman

1,131 thoughts on “Jealousy: Foe or Friend?

  1. Even the smallest amount of jealousy is still jealousy, and underlying is usually far more, trying desperately to hide a part of us that we have not claimed in full.

  2. To turn it around and see jealousy as a ‘friend’ is a very smart thing to do – this debunkles it completely – it means that we can use the opportunity that is not so pretty (when the jealousy rears its head) and grab this as a moment to learn more, to see what it is that we have missed out on with ourselves and now have the choice to bring into our lives in full.

  3. Donna, thank you so much for sharing this gorgeous article about a theme that is so very common amongst us as women. The more we understand jealousy and comparison and how it seeks to divide us as women, the more we then can make a conscious choice to heal this, express more and not let it destroy what would otherwise be so supportive as relationships amongst us as women.

  4. “Celebrating myself is about appreciating all the amazing qualities that I have, rather than focusing on the things that I don’t have.” Focusing on our faults, deficits, etc, seems to be an epidemic, I so rarely hear women in a living self-acceptance, or an appreciative celebration of herself. How settled in ourselves would we be, nestled in our inner qualities and enjoying the beauty of ourselves if we stopped to simply appreciate who we are? It can seem like our weaknesses or faults are everything but it’s just a perception, the amazing being is very much there waiting to be tended to and brought out in full expression. Thanks Donna, a vital topic to explore and keep talking about.

  5. “In this celebration of myself, I also celebrate other women” We can not celebrate another if we can not first clock the magnificence of ourselves.

  6. I recently uncovered a lack of accepting myself when with others due to wanting to avoid others being jealous and directing it at me. But then I flipped it around and asked myself – when have I done that to others? and the whole lot has been unraveling from there.

  7. Judging someone and then judging ourselves for judging is a road that leads nowhere. Observing how we feel and then being curious as to why we feel this way is a far healthier option.

  8. “…. even a small amount of jealousy was still jealousy.” So true. learning that appreciation was a great counter to jealousy – and comparison – has been a great support for me when I feel the green-eyed monster wanting to creep in.

  9. In my experience self-love is really key to overcoming feeling jealousy, and appreciation of ourselves and our qualities is a big part of that. Also for me seeing how anothers jealousy has led me to react and then tone down my inner beauty and the choices I make, basically being less than me, it is important to look at this because I’ve found if I let jealousy affect me then I have dulled myself down, which means I then join the cycle of then being jealous of others – it’s so insidious how it works. Learning to clock jealousy and be real about it in ourselves and others is a vital step in the healing.

  10. You can see why with this formula – more self love & Self appreciation = less jealously works like wise we can see how lack of self appreciation = jealously.

    This shows us that it completely up to us whether we end of jealous or in appreciation of another.

    1. Spot on LE, when we have forgotten to deeply appreciate all that we bring and deepen our relationship with this, then when we encounter another who is not holding back on their divine expression, then this is actually a reminder for us to do likewise….we can choose to react to this reminder and become jealous of what the person is living as divinity and has not held back OR we can be inspired to bring out that next level from our own deepest part so that it is a win win situation.

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