My Self-Worth – Is it in performing different Roles in my Life? OR in the being all of ME, my precious self in the world?
It was only when I reached a very low point in my life and had an injury, which left me crippled/handicapped for 6 months that I started questioning how I was living my life, and then things started to change. I really couldn’t do much, in fact nothing at all for months. It was tough to not be able to perform my super womanly duties: the sister, the daughter, the friend, the mother, the wife, the employee, the multi-tasker, the work-harder, the pleaser, and the do-gooder!
It is then that I started asking: is there more to me than all that I do?
This is when my busyness stopped in the physical form and I was forced to have more time for me – not something I was used to when busy being a super woman!
Having sooo much time for me was new and initially I still would fill it up with things that I could do without being mobile. It felt like I was missing out on something, feeling a bit helpless not being able to get up and get going! I was mentally active but not physically.
This slowly started to change, as I had to do some self-care and looking after me in order to recover and heal myself. In that process of trying to go back and heal my injury, I was forced to make time for me. I would take myself to exercise in the pool for 4-6 days a week. I had to be very gentle and be aware of feeling my body in every step I took; otherwise I would be in pain.
My old ‘rushy’ way of being, ever slowly, one day at a time, began to change. I started to love the time I had to spend to look after me and I looked forward to it everyday. I could feel how much looking after myself was affecting my whole being, the manner in which I took myself to the simple task of going to the pool, began to expand in every little thing I did. It started with the simple act of self-care of recovery to a totally new way of my being – a super tender, gentle, loving and honouring way.
Wow! I was starting to discover a different way of appreciating me ever soo slowly in my being and not doing much at all.
I learnt to be Super loving and appreciative in going about my day with how much my body could handle, honouring myself in every gentle step and feeling what I could handle. It was tremendous to live life and do things from that place of feeling and honouring myself. From thereon all my ‘doings’ came from my feeling my ‘being’ and this has left me feeling energised and content with myself and the tasks that I do.
From this new way of living, from a place of feeling how I feel and then going about my day/life, there is a different way in how I do things now. In this way of being and then doing, I am able to feel how I feel and it feels lovely to take me into all I do.
It’s a joy as opposed to a burden of expectations I had on myself! I can see beauty in even simple so called mundane tasks like cooking, cleaning, washing, etc. I still have a TO DO list, but the way in which I go about achieving this leaves me feeling enough, without having the need for things to turn out a certain way or the world to tell me that it is Super!
I now know I am enough in my expression of me when I am present with all of me – Yes Super and amazing. Still unfolding this in every aspect of my life, lovingly, and throughout enjoying the process of deepening my commitment to my self-worth.
by: Pinky, Software Engineer, Brisbane, Australia
You may also like Part 1 of this Blog: Finding My Self-Worth: Is it in Performing different Roles in my Life?