Intermittent Catheterisation – The unlikely link between the anatomy of my vagina and starting to love my body

I didn’t even know such a thing as intermittent catheterisation existed until I recently had some health issues and ended up in hospital, due to not listening to my body when I had a pain in my back.

The pain increased over a week and the inflammation by then had caused enough nerve damage to stop my bladder from working as well as affecting my left leg.The reason I feel to share, is because catheterisation is not a subject many people talk about and I was unaware of it up until my own experience of intermittent catheterisation – and so too, if it comes to that, a certain intimacy with the anatomy of my vagina. Continue reading “Intermittent Catheterisation – The unlikely link between the anatomy of my vagina and starting to love my body”

Miscarriage – The Blessing That Opened Me Up To True Motherhood

I was the Perfect Modern time Woman.

Travelling the world, successful, different not mainstream, fun to be with, partying lifestyle, good-looking and with a job that had the purpose to change the structures we live in and make the world a better place. Yet at the same time I was bored with life and could not see its deeper meaning. Getting older, having a family and importantly raising kids seemed to be the sole purpose to life, but I already did this back in my early twenties supporting my sister in bringing up her daughter, my niece. The role of ‘mothering’ came easily to me and felt very natural; I just loved taking care of little kids and babies. I enjoyed their easiness and calmness. But the event of my years’ later miscarriage offered me a different view and opened me up to the possibility of what true mothering and motherhood was, and that this first stemmed from a way in which I treated and looked after myself. Continue reading “Miscarriage – The Blessing That Opened Me Up To True Motherhood”

Esoteric Breast Massage: Embracing Tenderness and Deepening My Understanding of Abuse

Recently, I had an Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) with Mary-Louise Myers at a Universal Medicine clinic. In this session I re-discovered how hard I still find it to come back into my body, to stay with myself, to actually connect and feel me and my tenderness. I was able to really feel how much I constantly brace myself and hold myself on guard. As if constantly expecting some type of abuse or harsh treatment and ‘preparing’ myself for it. As if this preparation would actually help me handle life better.

In my life I did not experience the ‘obvious’ type of abuse: I did not drink nor smoke nor take drugs when I was growing up (I tried each of them very briefly, but discovered that I could not handle them). I was not abused sexually or otherwise, nor raped. I have only ever had 2 intimate relationships with men, one of whom is my husband today (a very caring and tender man). And when I used to look at this list I would think to myself ‘why would I carry such a degree of fear, bracing myself for abuse and waiting for it to happen any moment?’

What I felt during the Esoteric Breast Massage session was that there was still a trauma locked in my body – a trauma that I thought I had explored, let go of and moved on from, yet it was still alive in my body.

Continue reading “Esoteric Breast Massage: Embracing Tenderness and Deepening My Understanding of Abuse”