Over the past couple of years I have listened to various presentations by Universal Medicine in relation to what it means to be a ‘true woman’… that we as women have innate qualities of tenderness, preciousness and even sacredness within us – if we choose to surrender to them.
I have had moments of these qualities, which although amazing to feel at the time, they have not been part of my everyday experience or way of living. In fact, feeling these qualities so infrequently has only exposed more of the exact opposite in my body and the way I have been living.
A Woman Is Naturally Tender, Not Hard
Every woman has an innate tenderness or capacity to nurture. In the unfolding of this knowing, I became very aware of just how ‘hard’ or tense my body felt most of the time especially across my heart area. I could even feel a hardness in the way I spoke, the way I did things and in my way of thinking, in that I was a harsh critic and judge of myself if I didn’t live up to my picture of ‘perfection’ which I had created and expected of myself and others.
This was a very unloving way of being and far from any tenderness towards myself, let alone preciousness or sacredness.
Surrendering
Recently I had an Esoteric Breast Massage where I discussed with the practitioner how I took my body for granted and expected it ‘to do’ so much, and that perhaps ‘appreciation’ could be a focus or theme for the session. When I lay on the table, the holding and tension in my body especially across the front of my shoulders was very evident and clear, in that what I needed to do was in fact surrender… surrender to my body. To let go of all the tension and protection I was holding on to, and most of all, surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.
I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way. Not only was this tenderness with myself but also about honouring and accepting myself as the woman that I am.
For so many years I had tried to prove to my father I was ‘as good as a boy’, later as a result I always sought recognition and approval through work and what I did to feel good enough about myself as a person by being physically strong like a male, but in the process I ended up only hardening or constricting my feminine body and consequently fighting against my true nature – that of being the loving, tender, precious and sacred woman that I am unfolding today.
With much appreciation for the inspiration and support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine… surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman.
by Paula Steffensen, Goonellabah, NSW
For Further Reading:
Breast Massage & the Esoteric Breast Massage – an Open Approach
Women in Livingness Blog 
Thank you Paula, there is so much to celebrate about returning to the true women we are by uncovering end reconnecting to our innate qualities. We spend so much time trying – to be better, to be more, to fit the picture and this line is so deeply touching because it confirms the ease we can embrace by simply surrendering to all we already are – “To let go of all the tension and protection I was holding on to, and most of all, surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.”
Appreciation of the tenderness and sacredness of who we are as a woman is to appreciate this equally in others.
Who needs to be ‘as good as’ anyone? None of us. It’s a perpetuated lie. We are the all within and we have all that is needed to live the all, so let’s go.
My body offered me a more blunt reflection as I read your comment. There is always a choice to react to that reflection, or embrace the delicateness on offer.
Isn’t it interesting that surrendering, an expression that is synonymous with giving up and being vulnerable to abuse, is the way we lighten the load on our bodies and is the key to the deeper awareness to we are far from open to abuse. That in that vulnerability we feel more than we ever did in the ready and ‘braced for impact’ body.
Tenderness, delicateness.. these aren’t qualities that we need to go out and get, strive to create and layer onto ourselves: we are already those qualities, so returning to that way of being is returning to who we already are, and what we know within.
I love how you talk about surrendering to these innate qualities within you, that the qualities of tenderness, preciousness and sacredness are naturally there within us and it is we who layer over these. A beautiful unfolding to once again feel and know these qualities.
I get this idea of being needy, looking outside for something to be given to us, and neglecting how we are with ourselves. The more tender, caring and loving I have become with myself the less I have needed from others, instead I am able to receive the love and appreciation form others without making demands.
I used to think surrender meant to give up, yet that is so far away from the truth, surrendering to ones soul is a clear road map home.
Society teaches us little about true relationships, so much so that by the time most of have left school we have a warped idea of what a real relationship looks like.
The fact we have so many wonky relationships is testament to a human race that does not know themselves.
I also used to think of surrendering as giving up and being walked all over, when in fact it is a deep letting go of attachments, fears, needs, wants etc – a total acceptance of the fact that we are part of something much greater than ourselves. It’s a knowing that is always there, and felt more deeply through building a relationship with and connection to our body.
Beautiful comment I also used to see it as a weakness, it is fact our greatest power to be willing to surrender to the Soul.
Yes, me too. I actually feel quite angry that this is not what we are all taught because those who taught me didn’t get this insight and were under the wheel of crazy drive too! But I am one, and as such have the potential to change that for myself and offer the reflection to anyone who would like to see it.
What we seek on the outside always exposes a lack in the relationship to self. Be transparent and intimate with self, claiming our natural qualities within and our craving for intimacy disappears.
It is so common for us women to want to prove that we are as strong as men, perhaps because being male is so valued in our society so we are born feeling less from the get-go. All of these cultural norms have actually contributed to the low self-worth women live with today, to see them as less than a man and only worthy if we are doing something with our lives that society deems desirable. All of these pressures we put on our shoulders, all of these goals we want to reach – it is all bringing us further and further away from our natural state of being.
A real revelation and knowing that opens us up to surrender to all we are as a women “I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way. Deeply beautiful to come to and the opportunity to change our life from here .
Lovely to read how you are allowing the true you to naturally unfold, ‘that of being the loving, tender, precious and sacred woman that I am unfolding today.’
“I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.” Yes we need to always first surrender in ourselves and feel our tenderness and how beautiful we are ourselves before it is even possible to be truly intimate with others.
It is revealing to come to understand that the qualities we often ‘crave’ from outside of us are keys to what we are not appreciating or connecting to within ourselves.
The tension that we hold on to in order to not allow the volume that is on offer to surrender can be so harming in the long run and sooner or later increases the tensions we are running from.
There’s great beauty in the word surrender when used with regards to a quality within us as it is confirming that that quality is already there inside us we just need to align with it or allow it’s expression to flow more rather than it being that we need to go out and find tenderness for instance…
Yes very true Fiona, and that is also why it is not working when we are trying to better ourselves because then we are living like we are not enough yet and we will never be able to see that it is already there if we would surrender.
I love that we are all working together and supporting each other to come back to a more tender way to be with ourselves physically and emotionally. I had no idea what surrendering was about till I read the blogs and simply gave it a go. It has changed my life and I so deeply appreciate the offering.
What a gorgeous realisation to come to, ‘I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.’
Thank you Paula I have been exploring just how much and how harshly I judge myself and how this does not allow for tender understanding of myself. The tension that this brings to my body is very draining and saps my natural vitality. Exposing this means I can choose to let go of it and re-imprint a tender loving way of being with myself which feels lovely.
Surrendering to the body: so simple and clear. Our body has no fixed times that it has to do this or that, but it’s amazing how much we push and drive it forward, putting it under self imposed pressures from our ideas about how things need to be. When we start to let those go and align to our body’s natural rhythm there’s a feeling of space, surrender and letting go-and in that, space to feel more deeply, to feel more aware and awake.
It is crazy how we impose time frames on ourselves and our bodies and expect them to keep going, completely overriding the body’s wisdom and our inner knowing. When we let go of control and allow our bodies rhythm to guide us life starts to flow which is, as you say, so simple – getting out of the complications of the mind and surrendering. Something that is so pertinent for me today. Thank you.
I had a bit of magic with that recently when I was not feeling very well and had to run an event. I was a little less joyful than normal and got frustrated that things were going wrong, I surrendered to whatever was happening and then magic happened. I actually stopped feeling unwell! I never thought I had been causing the tension I was feeling but clearly I was. It was such a blessing.
We can learn more and more how reactions stop the flow of what has the potential to harm rather than heal when we are willing to take the moment to let what needs to unravelling do so in due course!
Yes Nattalia is was an absolute blessing and one I am still working to embody so I don’t recreate the tension!
Reading again this feels very supportive to read at this moment. Once the hardness is felt in the body is always a great opportunity to surrender to our natural tenderness. This sharing is an invitation to bring more appreciation to myself and to accept where I am at in any given moment, with no trying to change what doesn’t fit in the ‘perfect’ and countless pictures from my mind about how things sould be.
Thank you Paula, beautiful to read.
When we realise how hard we have been in our day it shows us that we must know tenderness – otherwise how could we recognise hardness – the absolute opposite?
Great point shared as the opposite is always known as this is what caused the tension in the first place.
” I could even feel a hardness in the way I spoke, the way I did things and in my way of thinking, in that I was a harsh critic and judge of myself if I didn’t live up to my picture of ‘perfection’ which I had created and expected of myself and others.” i have been falling back into this way of being recently. And of course what we focus on expands, so time to let go of the ‘not good enough’ and focus on the true tender me.
I too am realising how far I have travelled from my ability to be tender and I still live hard and with force and drive, all from a need to protect myself. It’s time to let up with this ill Way of moving.
Paula, I suppose you could say that it is a blessing that you felt the opposite of tenderness and those beautiful delicate qualities you hold as a woman, because then you have the opportunity to change the way you live and surrender to the sacredness. As women we have put so many layers over our Innermost that we have forgotten who we truly are, but all is not lost, we have women in this world, Natalie Benhayon being one of them, that can reflect true sacredness and live as true role models for change.
The way I move my body effects how I feel so much, if I move surrendered and I’m aware of my tenderness and delicateness I’m so on it, committed, feeling strong, ready and loving everything. Whereas when I don’t pay attention to these qualities my day gets harder and my body harder. There’s definitely something big in this.
Something big indeed Meg, I find this too, if I slouch and drag my feet my energy levels drop and I feel drained but if I up the pace, feel the way I walk, elongate my spine and open my chest I begin to feel alive – something to be said about our movements and how powerful we are when we change them.
Beautifully expressed Paula. Your words invite me to surrender to my own tenderness and to carry this quality in all my day. Thank you
The power of words, when spoken in truth and for each other, really do support everyone don’t they.
When I reject that tenderness and choose hardness and struggle over what is naturally there to be expressed and lived, I feel disconnected and hardened and life feels more of a struggle. When I let go, and allow life to flow, to be imperfect and messy, I let go of the tension and the hardness, the struggle and the drive – but this letting go also means that I have to let go of pictures of how I think life should be, and allow and accept things just as they are, and not how I might want or need them to be or feel.
I suppose this is what true surrender looks like. I used to think that to surrender meant to give up – how wrong could I be! Sometimes my life just unfolds beautifully and things work out better than I ever imagined them to be – it is in the letting go that brings freedom but first we have to free ourselves of the expectations and pictures and create enough space for the flow to happen naturally. In contrast, if I have an expectation then I am often disappointed, so learning to let go of control because the only thing I can control is what goes on right inside by body, and then life ‘out there’ reflects right back at me.
I can really feel the tenderising of your body from wanting to be a strong boy to embracing being a tender woman. The search for approval and recognition can harden our bodies because they feel our own rejection and therefore have to work to not be who they are. This is a really big topic and I feel the harm it does is under-appreciated.
How damaging it is to a woman’s precious body when she feels she has to harden to live in this world. But so many women live exactly like this and then wonder why their bodies begin to show the impact of this continual and very un-loving choice. In stark contrast, to make the choice to surrender to the tenderness and the delicateness that we naturally are is much more simple and honouring way to live.
True Ingrid. Some years ago I could not imagine that tenderness was a natural quality within me. Instead of that, without no realization, I was constantly trying to prove my worth and fighting my rights in protest marchs, which left my body hardened and very shaky. Thanks to the work with Universal Medicine I realized that true rebellion is when a woman honours herself first and foremost by surrendering to her sacred and naturally tender body. In fact, it takes courage to not be guided by any external picture that tell us how we should or shouldn’t be. Being free of these pictures, aware of the quality of my movements and thoughts, appreciating myself for the wise and deeply beautiful woman I am are the most self-empowering things that I’ve ever done in my life. It bring me back to me and to the equality that we all come from.
Interesting isn’t it, that many women choose to live in a way that is contra opposite to the way we innately are in essence, that is tender, precious and delicate. I wonder why that is? Did we forget, or were we overburdened by society, or just plain lied to by a force that likes to control, and try to keep us small and less than. For centuries we have bought into it but thanks to Universal Medicine and us waking up to the truth we can return to our power and claim our sacredness, or should I say surrender to it as it never actually went anywhere.
I know what it feels like to surrender and feel the warmth in your heart return it is amazing when life lived has been so cold and hard. My growth at the moment is in allowing that surrender everywhere all of the time.
How about this “I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness” That is an amazing response to that search you think you want from others. I can’t help feeling that there is so much in what you have just shared for me to understand, it is just sitting in front of me going ‘hello’ this is really relevant to you!!!!
When we don’t accept who we are, there’s a tension and a hardness in our bodies. I love what you’ve shared Paula about coming to accept yourself as a woman, and the effect that this has on your body, from hardness to tenderness. There’s a sense of space and joy that is felt on a physical level when we start to accept more of who we are and let go of the constant self-criticism.
Thanks for sharing this Bryony. Living under the pressure of a constant self-criticism is a very exhausting way of being, but consciously or not, is a choice. We all know about this sense of space and joy within our body as we once experienced as children so as an adults, what changed? Our woman’s body is equally tender and very sensitive like babies. It’s wonderful and very liberating for me having a simple gentle breath for a little while or a change in my posture to come back to the essence that we all come from, knowing that surrendering to my body is a constant choice and an ongoing learning.
Once we know who we are – love – then we can live that expression – tenderness, sacredness, joy – while being entirely practical about it.
So true Christophe, because love is incredibly practical, very straightforward and has no agenda therefore not imposing on another either.
Yesterday I had a busy day and I could feel myself going into control and protection, I noticed this feeling and it felt yuk as I clearly disconnected from my body and I went quite tense. It didn’t take long for me to recognise this old pattern and to begin to move in a different way where I let go of the control – surrender is certainly key to this.
“surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman.” In the tenderness we meet the sacredness of the woman within.
A deeply inspiring moment when we can let go of our perfection pictures about ourselves and accept where we are at this moment and feel deep appreciation for it.
Sometimes it takes honesty and courage to accept where we are at but it’s a very liberating experience holding ourselves in love no matter what. A powerful choice to deeply appreciate indeed.
I find it fascinating how the words we can speak to ourselves has a direct impact on the qualities we can feel in our bodies. This direct relationship with ourselves as women and the bodies that we have and care for seems to be the cornerstone of life for us, for how we are in the world and for what kind of world we then go on to create. Perhaps true responsibility then actually is begun with the deepest forms of Self-love.
It’s great to read this as I’m feeling much physically stronger today than ever before and sometimes I don’t associate that physical strength with tenderness, and that you can be strong and tender and womanly (not masculine!) – definitely something to experiment with today – thank you.
Surrender is what I am learning is key to being.
True – and the key to moving forward too.
‘I was a harsh critic and judge of myself if I didn’t live up to my picture of ‘perfection’ which I had created and expected of myself and others.’ I can relate to this Paula and it is awful to feel what it does to me and my body when I allow these critical and judgemental thoughts to poison my body and the relationship I have with others. To surrender to my natural tenderness makes me and my life more spacious and open, much more joy too in my days.
Great to read this again Paula. I am finding the process of returning to the true me involves getting to know myself again. The more I can surrender the more I can live feeling and expressing my qualities of tenderness, stillness, preciousness etc. I have found the Esoteric Yoga Stillness Program for Women so supportive in helping me to reconnect to my essence as a woman. There can be a lot of built up patterns though that draw me away, moving roughly and thinking harshly, putting myself last on the list, not being tenderly caring of myself etc – these all energies I have taken on that are not truly me. Returning to me is an amazing process, however it highlights that the systems we come into, education etc, do not value the person, only what we do and that we meet a picture or expectation.
I am so pleased I came across your blog it is exactly what I am focussing on at the moment and starting to really enjoy.
Just reading the words ‘Surrendering to my Tenderness’ makes me stop and surrender. I love the feeling in my body when i surrender to my tenderness but it is not always at the forefront of my every thought as I still catching myself thinking about what I need to do and trying to jump ahead of the game and becoming anxious. It happens far less than it used to but it does still happen so these 4 words need to be brought into my every moment thoughts.
I agree Alison, these 4 words are medicine for me too.
I haven’t fully gone there yet- to a true surrendering but am in the process of it. I find it totally terrifying at times to let go of the tough exterior and protection and to learn to surrender, let go, honour my sensitivity and truly love me. I have lived by a hardness towards myself for so long, that it has become my norm and I didn’t even notice how consistent this was. Letting go of this is a bumpy and a bit scary as I haven’t yet lived without this but I also know that it hasn’t and no longer serves me and that there needs to now be another way.
I can understand this MW, our world the way it is does not honour sensitivity or the reality of how much there is to feel. When I’m in my sensitivity I feel like a little child, completely open, innocent and feeling so much. It’s quite a change to the tough and ‘I can do it all myself’ exterior.
I too fought against my own true nature, the natural tenderness we innately are as women. I was the eldest in a family with four brothers and tried to be like them. As I was growing up, as boys were valued more. Learning to accept and appreciate my own tenderness and delicacy is ongoing, as I am also tall and in the past felt that being petite would be ‘better’. Surrendering to who I truly am is the way forward for me now.
I too fought against my own true nature, the natural tenderness we innately are as women. I was the eldest in a family of four brothers and tried to be like them as I was growing up, as boys were valued more. Learning to accept and apprcrate my own tenderness and delicacy is ongoing, as I am also tall
Beautiful to read this as it is exactly what I am bringing more attention to. Surrendering to that what lies within !
As I read this blog it unveiled something deeper for me to look at, that is that I too became like a boy and toughened up to impress my father. This is a pattern that I still hold strong today, of not allowing myself to be vulnerable and to embrace the woman that I am but still holding a tough exterior and not allowing my beauty to be fully embraced.
Toughness is such a strongly valued trait, it’s imposed on both boys and girls, and like yourself I grew up in a time when boys were valued over girls. There was also the attitude that being delicate, fragile, expressing feelings or showing you were hurt (emotionally or physically) were to be avoided. These are all beliefs and ideals that are championed over our natural way of being. And we have ended up with a society that reflects the damage of this, from domestic and other violence, various forms of abuse, lifestyle choices that are self harming but used as coping mechanisms to stuff down the real and very sensitive self, etc. We need to look at these things and expose their true effects so that as a society we can begin to make changes based on an honest appraisal of where these ideals and beliefs have taken us.
‘Every woman has an innate tenderness or capacity to nurture’ – it is innate in each of us to nurture and knowing this asks me to reflect on what is going on that we consistently over-ride this choice to love, surrender, to be delicate and allow our fragility to be observed. I am learning that when I shut down to protect myself I do more harm to me than any outside forces can, when I open up, surrender and allow myself to be seen this is the greatest protection I can live.
That is so true ch1956, we do far more harm in protecting ourselves and shutting away the true essence of ourselves as women. We literally create a hard, tough shield between ourselves and the world and the body experiences the negative ramifications of this.
Agree – and the effort of trying to protect ourselves, and re-create some form of tenderness over the top of that, is exhausting. To let go of protection and of trying, is daily medicine that we can offer ourselves – and in that, an opening of more space to just be who we naturally are.
If you look at a child’s body it’s naturally tender and they’re naturally sweet, imagine if we built a life so that people didn’t need to harden as they grew up but could maintain that tenderness and sweetness – that would be pretty cool.
I agree Meg, and as a society this may result in less crime, less abuse and a more harmonious and caring way to be together in our communities.
“A Woman Is Naturally Tender, Not Hard” How true is this, something I have only learned more deeply what that means in the past number of years. Always having lived in a lot of hardness and protection. I am learning now that to be tender is a real strength, to bring a love and understanding to all, no matter what, is equally being tender and not hard. A much better way to live.
Yes and I am discovering that is not wimpy, it is equally very able and capable, it is just not ‘hard’. It is only when we open up to the possibility there is a hardness and protection we have taken as normal that is in fact not normal at all that we can discover these other layers below the surface and value them as a strength not a weakness.
Thank you Paula appreciating this morning my growing willingness to surrender to my tenderness and exploring what I still allow to get in the way of this beautiful connection to my divine essence.
It never fails to amaze me the barriers/ constructs we put up in the name of protection that actually work against our naturally tender and precious nature. Surrendering to who we truly are allows these to drop away and inspires others to do the same, to let go and be themselves in full.
There is certainly a paucity of ‘true’ people, both men and women In our society in general… And consequently a lack of role models for our children to align to so that they can experience the connection themselves that brings this perspective of what is true… So anyone who is starting to live this is not just looking after themselves, but serving humanity as well.
Just reading this helped my body to surrender and become more tender, it is amazing how much tension sneaks into our everyday movement that just stops us from connecting to the love that we are.
The societal and energetic impositions around being a woman can be so thick that at first you can think, “What do you mean be a true woman? I am a woman already. I am wearing a bra, dress, have periods etc”. But if we are really honest most of us left our preciousness, sacredness and tenderness behind long ago, judging that the world was too harsh or didn’t value these qualities. That may be true but that doesn’t mean we have to join in and give up on them. What I am realising that we can blame the world all we like but it is our choice to treat ourselves as precious or not.
The beauty of Esoteric Breast Massage is that it does allow us to feel the tender precious woman we naturally are as it helps clear the protective barriers we have in place that do not allow us to feel our own preciousness.
Paula thank you for your blog, I found it very similar to my own experience of life, and how through Esoteric Breast massage I have been able to connect more deeply with myself, and self appreciation has supported me to truly appreciate my connection to my body, which has led to me making more loving choices and being more tender with myself.
Thanks Paula… there really are some interesting and revealing trends happening in Australia, the women’s AFL ( Australian rules football) is exploding in numbers, there are more and more opportunities for men to do everything and anything possible to join men in their hardness and disconnection … strong words… but Paula does reveal in her article our true nature, and until this is understood we will surely, down the road, reap the results in our bodies of this disconnection.
How many of us have also taken our body for granted and expected it to go beyond the call of duty – I know I certainly have. To surrender to our tenderness, grace and gentleness allows all the fight to simply melt away we begin to feel the true power of being a woman.
Thank you Paula. Any picture of perfection suppresses our natural spontaneity, womanly beauty… and sacredness and sexiness. The natural woman is all of this and so much more.
From a very young age I surmised that being a boy was much more appealing then being a girl. After all, I loved sport and if anyone said to a boy that you throw like a girl, it was a put down, so I was determined, not only would I be like the boys, I would be better than them. At age 8 I was beating 16-year-old boys at arm wrestles, I figured out I could hustle at camp and play the sweet innocent girl and then get bets placed and make a bit of cash on the side too, eventually beat every boy in my school. In this I was liked by the boys because I had proven myself with them. My body and arms suffered, not literally from the arm wrestling but from the control and the way that I used and pushed my body against its natural disposition to gain attention and fit in. I am still undoing the energy that caused me to deny myself as girl and women, it is not for us to be the same as men but to bring a deep feminine quality to the world.
‘Craving our own tenderness’ and inserting proposition…I know I have looked outside for a long time for acknowledgment and care from others and yet this offers a new perspective. I can feel I have more to offer myself in terms of intimacy and tenderness.
Beautiful Paula, so many relationships are critiqued and break up because of this strong ‘neediness’. I know it is something I have experienced in me. How beautiful then to finally understand there is nothing wrong – we are just missing that beauty, warmth and gorgeousness we have craved in ourselves all along. Thank you for this great reminder.
Surrendering to my tenderness is a constantly deepening experience. A beautiful, joyful way to live and be with myself and others.
Surrendering is a big word for me lately and Ii have been amazed to watch situations completely turn around as I surrender and allow more and more.
It is such powerful revelation when we come to the point of realisation that we truly do not have to ‘do’ anything or ‘try’ to become something, as our greatest knowing of who we are is discovered though our allowing to simply connect to the tender and sacred quality that already resides within us, and is in fact who we naturally already are.
Thank you Paula, this helped me to connect to the protection I hold myself in by not wanting to be seen in full. I’m basically holding myself away from surrendering to my own tenderness and loveliness more fully.
“…we as women have innate qualities of tenderness, preciousness and even sacredness within us – if we choose to surrender to them.”
This is a great and valid point Paula. Sacredness is not a process of attainment or enlightenment. It is something that already exists deep within us and simply needs permission to be expressed out. This can only happen if we surrender all that we have put in place to not let the world see the absolute preciousness we in essence are and by rebuilding the tenderness that leads us safely home to this.
‘Surrender to the tenderness that is there’ and see: this is our strength.
Paula, your words “To let go of all the tension and protection I was holding on to, and most of all, surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.” Made so much sense to me too, I found when I surrendered to the true tenderness I am, the tension in my body started to dissipate.
‘surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman.’ We are so programmed to push our bodies and feel we have to try hard. The simplicity and truth in your blog is beautiful, thank you Paula.
Life is an ongoing exploration of how to surrender and appreciate ourselves for who we truly are. What brings those actionable qualities to our everyday is connection to our bodies, where holding tension, resistance and hardness can be felt as unnatural and draining of the natural vitality and wellbeing we can enjoy. Surrender means let go of that resistance to life through trusting the deeper knowing that comes from within us.
Yes woman are naturally tender and delicate.
‘I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.’ Interesting, so in truth we are not needy at all just missing the intimacy and deep love for ourselves. This is great as it shows it can never be fulfilled by another it has to come from ourselves first.
This was a great line for me to read also Vicky. I was listening to pop music in a shop the other day and it was all about the love the singers needed from someone else, our environment is thick with this consciousness – TV, movies, books, music etc, I still get caught in it also, when all along the love I truly crave is right there inside myself.
Thank you Paula, this was beautiful to read. I could feel the tension in my own chest and you had me remembering how much I wanted to prove that I was equal to men in the past. The truth is we are all equally precious and equally tender. There is nothing to prove.
Paula, thank you for your honest and open sharing. I can really relate to changing myself but all along wanting to really experience my own true self. What’s brilliant about this whole blog site is the opportunity to connect to women offering the reflections of their true selves – tender, nurturing, self loving, sacred and powerful. If these reflections were around me in other women and girls when I was growing up I bet I would have been expressing my true self long ago.
I find that surrender is actually an expansion – it is actually being more tender, more loving, more harmonious than before, not diminishing myself before somebody else.
Surrendering to our tenderness, is like surrendering to ourselves, because we are naturally tender, yet we have lived for years protecting ourselves behind a hard outer shell.
Appreciation makes way for further surrendering, letting go of all we are not.
To surrender to what is within, not trying, just being, is like a well of still water, with a depth beyond imagination that we can draw from, once we get all our protection, hardness, ideals and false beliefs out of the way. What lays within is as refreshing and natural, transparent as water itself.
Surrendering brings a beautiful wave of release over the body which makes us aware that we have been holding on to something that didn’t belong. Returning to who we truly are is simply making the choice and what becomes available is the tenderness, nurturing, awareness and love we are all seeking.
Wow – we are like flowers that think that we are bricks. We try to stack and build great structures and walls, all the time missing the delicate and fragile beauty we hold. This great misapprehension will continually upset and mystify us, until the day that we say as you did here Paula, we are not hard and indestructible or made for division and seperation, but for enchanting, blooming and continual growing.
It’s all part of accepting and appreciating the essence we are here to express, appreciating the quality we can move in with our tenderness first.
Through reading the blogs on the womeninlivingness blogs it is a common theme that woman feel to measure up to men.
Instead of continuing this theme shouldn’t we create a society that fosters such qualities instead of making it seemly more convenient for women to abandon these natural qualities?
It is revelation to feel that we do not need to ‘get to’ a point where we are at ease within ourselves, we need simply let go of all that inhibits us from our natural expression of such tenderness. This alone takes the pressure off this process for it is a surrendering to something we already are, and not a trying to become something we are not.
I agree, letting go of what is not us and then expanding what we are in truth.
Living up to another’s expectations is a disaster for our bodies and is never self loving but it is something that I have done for many years. I am so loving feeling me now and knowing that i am enough and don’t need to be different to please others. I can feel that you are unfolding Paula and are on a beautiful journey reconnecting back to you.
Learning to surrender has been one of the most amazing experiences I could say that has happened in my life. If you had asked me how or what that meant a few years ago, I wouldn’t have known at all. But today, it is something that I see as key. Because in being able to surrender, we are allowing, allowing of what can happen next, allowing of the fact that we know and can trust ourselves. This is truly developing and evolving.
The healing starts when we realise that it is our own tenderness we are missing and seeking rather than affirmation from another.
It’s interesting Paula that you should mention feeling ‘ needy’ , I have noticed if I allow any opening of abuse, even subtly, I find in the absent of calling it out and in not claiming myself and holding love within, this opens a feeling of emptiness which can develop into feeling ‘needy
Accepting who we are and knowing that life is about surrendering is a beautiful experience in those times we find difficult or ‘hard’ to live with what it is we are feeling.
I feel that ‘I ended up only hardening or constricting my feminine body and consequently fighting against my true nature’ for the greater part of this life – and yet when I do have those moments where I connect to my tenderness I can feel that the hardening I have used was to protect me from the harsh reality that I found life to be. As I let go of the hardness I am finding the true me is still there waiting to be encouraged out into the open and claim in full my tenderness.
I love that you started with you. Intimacy, no matter how much we crave it from other people begins with us and the way we hold and understand ourselves, life is totally different the minute we start to hold and understand ourselves and care for ourselves the way we would love others to.
A couple of years ago, had you asked me to surrender to my tenderness, I wouldn’t have known what that even meant. There was such hardness that I had developed in my body due to my lived choices, that it was almost impossible to feel what tenderness was. More recently I have been learning how to develop a very different relationship with my body, how to move and live in a way that is deeply self honouring, this is a slow road back to being fully loving, based in where I have been, but I am committed and full of love for this process and unfolding.
Yes Raegan, for me too. Learning to be with my body in a loving and tender way, has brought a renewed quality of self honouring. My body loves to move in this way and it feels very jarring not to move with this awareness. Ever unfolding.
I feel that I am only just getting to connect to the incredible tenderness that we have in our bodies, as women; especially across the heart and upper chest area. Even though I have only glimpsed it momentarily, it has been long enough to know that it is connected to a border less chasm of identical energy.
I agree Paula the appreciation we are worthy of offering ourselves with tender loving care truly offers a release to old habits of trying to be something when we are already everything. It’s the initial fleeting moments of this truth through The Teachings and Healing Modalities presented by Serge Benhayon that reflect a loving way to re-connect more deeply and commit to deepening our own knowing of our divineness with-in.
Searching and expecting other people to give us what we crave most is a set up for it leaves us on an endless search. When we are tender and loving with ourselves and allow this to deepen, everything is there.
We all have a responsibility to share with young girls the beauty of appreciating their natural tenderness and sacredness and also to inspire young boys to feel their natural tenderness and not build a wall of protection and bravado to fit the image that is so often portrayed.
What an amazing modality Esoteric Breast Massage is in allowing us as women to feel our bodies in such amazing ways and to the connect to our exquisite tenderness, it truly beauty-full.
Surrendering to tenderness. This is such a joyful idea. How did women get to this point that they had to prove that they could out men the men? I feel like I was playing a neutral game, not wanting to be a man yet not really embracing the woman within. Now everything has changed. Acknowledging and claiming the authority I have as a woman is glorious.
Paula, this is such a great reflection to read today as I can feel how hard I can be on myself and the high expectations I place on myself, and how much of a set-up that is – in doing this I and many others who do similar sabotage our own tenderness and set ourselves up to be perpetually hard, and far from the innate tenderness we all are. So you remind me to consider always tenderness and how tender we are being with us.
When we travel to work or somewhere familiar we often have a way we will go, a certain road we will always take. We know that it ‘gets us there’ and it is reassuring it seems, providing a sense of consistency. But what if this is all coming from fear, and a great underestimation of our true power? For what your words say to me Paula, is that while hardness may be a very old ‘friend’ and ‘reliable’ route, it is actually the road that leads us to illness and disease, isolation and misery. So today more than ever is a great day to experiment with taking a new tender direction. It may be unusual but it is a road so worth travelling to me.
When you say ‘I have had moments of these qualities’ I can feel that this has been my experience, as I over ride a call from within that I am more than a driven person attempting to cope with life. Recently I have been connecting more deeply and allowing myself to feel what is going on inside this body and although at times it is extremely uncomfortable, I am at last connecting to the real me and the tender woman who is within now has an opportunity to emerge and blossom.
“I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way”. These words really spoke to me today, awakening memories of the endless seeking to fill a space inside me that always felt achingly empty. To finally understand what it was that I was seeking, what was missing in my life, and why, has brought me to a place where I am slowly beginning to understand me as a woman, a true woman who is naturally “tender, precious and sacred “.
I just love reading your blog to day, thank you Paula, I received a clear message that it is time for me to have some EBM sessions for me to let go of my hardness and deepen my tenderness, embracing me as a woman.
I love that Paula ‘surrendering to tenderness’ being the first step towards living the true woman, this is so true and something I am looking at now, how tender am I with me, my body, how I move, how I treat myself, how I think of and speak to me. There is a lot to consider and explore here and it’s an journey I’m very willingly taking. It feels so important that we all as women look at tenderness, and how we with it and us.
Surrender is something I’m constantly developing as once I feel myself surrender there is a whole other level of surrender possible. The only thing preventing me from surrendering in any moment is any attachments to images or pictures of how life should be or how I should be. These images hold an infatuation with the physical life and don’t want to see me surrender to the multidimensional being that I truly am.
That’s awesome Danielle to envision ourselves and surrender to ‘the multidimensional being that’ we truly are. As we slowly let go of our attachments to images and pictures and gain a sense of life from our livingness our surrender deepens – and expands.
Your last line sums it up completely Paula that surrender to tenderness is the start of embracing the woman we are, and yet it’s who we are so it can only be a surrender to fall back into ourselves.
I love that however hard our bodies become from us trying to be tough in the world – be the multitasking superwoman we think is expected of us – no matter how hard we think we are, all the sweetness, preciousness, tenderness, sacredness is there, waiting patiently for us to surrender to it. It melts the hardness and leaves us feeling our divine sacredness.
The experience of surrender is divine concerning the EBM, surrender for me, means to allow myself to feel how divine I am , equally with all, true power not a weakness.
Thank you Paula, your words paint a picture of every moment in life as a fork in the road. We all know how if you take the wrong turn you can end up a million miles from your destination. The way you write I got to feel how every woman and every man too has a continual choice to go the true way, that is straight, uncomplicated and direct. If this way had road signs they would surely read ‘Attention! Tenderness is Here’ ‘Drive Delicately’ and ‘Appreciation Zone’. For this road is glorious, kind and our way home.
‘A Woman Is Naturally Tender, Not Hard’ to surrender to this natural tenderness is to stay in my body and connect to the truth, I have sought approval from my dad and other men in my life but also from other woman. To surrender to my own power which is my tenderness and fragility is allowing myself the space to make mistakes but always return to my body and my connection to the divine.
Having just completed a series of EBMs I too feel that I am surrendering to my tenderness which I have always kept well hidden not just from others but also from myself. Appreciating the commitment to treat myself with tenderness and ask for support where needed is slowly unraveling the years of protection and ‘I can do it on my own’ attitude that has been so hurtful to my beautiful tender body. Love the allowing unfolding in your last sentence ‘surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman.’
The picture of perfection is such poison to us because we are never not expanding. Every step forward leads to another step forward, which highlights a difference between where we have been and where we are now. It would be like a flower demanding of itself to be in full bloom before it’s even burst forth from the seed to reach for the sun. Perfection is such a source of self abuse, and it sits alongside the truth of our natural rhythm of evolving (an ever expansion) in complete dismissal of it. We could be celebrating each step instead of berating ourselves for not getting it “right”.
“I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.” I loved reading this blog Paula. This line in particular stood out for me. When I have identified my own neediness it comes loaded with a judgment of being this way – I feel ashamed of it…. When I allow myself to see I am simply missing myself I can address the issue in a responsible way with appreciation for myself.
Surrendering to my tenderness, thank you Paula I needed to hear this today, I could feel how my body was hardening to control something that did not need to be controlled, and that letting go and surrendering to my sacredness and to who I am as a woman would be so much more loving and supportive.
I just love your inspiring words Alison so that when I do detect that hardness I need no longer be ‘controlled’ by something which as you say does not need to be controlled. Before reading your words I hadn’t realised that that is exactly what I have been doing when all the time I could have been letting go and allowing my body to lead the way back to who I innately am as a women when I surrender to my sacredness.
Whilst I am a man this life, your words here connect deeply with me Paula. The way we live in society presents a picture of how we should be, yet the part that is not spoken or taught is our underlying nature. You remind me here that we actually don’t need to improve or change ourselves, just accept and surrender to our absolute delicacy in every thing we do.
Having an EBM is a true gift for a woman to feel and reconnect to the exquisite tenderness and extraordinary love that dwells within her own body. Reconnecting to this was like discovering an Aladin’s cave within, and now I know that to tender and nurture this body is what actually tenders and looks after me back. The appreciation of the woman’s body is now, forever regarded and looked after as being precious. This surely must a positive measure for Women’s Health.
The Esoteric Breast Massage is a modality that is ground breaking in the way it is offering women the opportunity to truly connect to who they truly are. The realisations of how we have been holding our bodies and ‘getting through life’ is extraordinary and extremely self empowering. Once having this connection of the absolute tenderness, delicateness and preciousness which is already there within and that we only need to surrender to this quality of being simply exposes the power of what the EBM is offering. There is a strength and power being who we are naturally designed to be which requires no effort and is certainly not something we need to acquire.
‘There is a strength and power being who we are naturally designed to be which requires no effort and is certainly not something we need to acquire.’ So true Natalie and the EBM supports our re-connection with this and then watch out world because the power that is unleashed when we no longer have to put so much effort into being constantly on guard is awesome.
Learning to surrender has been a real challenge for me in the past, I have not been able to let go and therefore let others in. I was always very good at showing the world I was happy and nice and engaged, but there was always a protection, a mask, only letting people see a certain depth, not the full me. The Esoteric Breast Massage has been instrumental in me being able to surrender more, feel who I am as a women and truly claim that from the inside.
What a great realisation Paula, …”I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way…” This statement is probably very relevant for many women.
This line really resonated with me: “I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.” So beautiful to read. In the past I have been feeling very hard in my body but with the support of Esoteric Women’s Health I have become to realise that I love to feel tender – it is gorgeous and indeed one of the innate qualities of a woman.
I revisited this blog this evening and at first glimpse of the title I saw the words “Surrendering to my sexiness”. It made me realise that tenderness is very sexy for we are open, we are willing to feel, and we are willing to listen to the truth of our body. Now that is sexy, not the version we have been sold is sexy, but sexy because we are honouring ourselves as women.
Dear Paula,
“I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.”
I have come to this very feeling for myself and it has completely changed my life, especially how I am with close family members. As it has been in the company of family that I have found it most difficult to not return to my favored patterns of protection.
This has been my experience as well, once we start to open up to those qualities of tenderness and sacredness etc every single way in how we have not lived in honour of who we truly are all comes out of the woodworks and into our awareness and it’s not pretty! There have been many moments I’ve reacted and buried my awareness once again in emotions and the ill behaviours that numbed me to my true qualities in the first place. It hurts to feel how one has lived when there has been all this beauty right there all along. But the more I keep coming back to it the more I am feeling how it doesn’t move, shift or change, the beauty that is, it stays there and overtime I come back it welcomes me home. No judgements just love, just acceptance, always open whenever I choose to return. It’s getting to the point now where I am feeling that reacting to my choices is not really necessary because that only keeps me away from a love within that hasn’t gone anywhere.
“A love within that hasn’t gone any where.”
This has been my experience too Leigh Matson.
Understanding that what is required from us is to surrender and that this letting go is taking us through the doorway to the magical world where we discover our tenderness, stillness, harmony and joy waiting, is a huge step. From here, we can look out and see that so much of how we have been living is based on ideals and beliefs we have taken on. The discoveries keep on coming and steadily we build a foundation of self love. What a beautiful way to live!
I have heard other women mention too Paula how they tried to prove, usually and initially to their fathers, that they are ‘as good as a boy’. It reminds me of the Freudian term ‘penis envy’ as I have always found it ridiculous and presumptuous whereas women behaving like men to prove they are at least equal to, if not better than, a boy makes sense. It is symptomatic of a patriarchal environment where men are favoured over women or output is favoured over quality. Also, children are sensitive and a girl may even reinterpret the way a father is with his son as preferential when there may be many reasons for this such as the father feeling confident about how to be with a boy but not a girl. Whatever the reasons, Paula you are breaking the cycle of seeking recognition through work and what you do by surrendering to tenderness and that’s something both men and women can apply.
Thank you Deanne for expanding Paula’s blog with your comment. It is so very revealing of how, and why trying to be as hard working and as strong as a man is something that many women find themselves trying to do. I used to be one of these women.
So true Linda – it is the most amazing and magical feeling when we realise that tenderness is no longer the reserve of the few but abundantly available within each and everyone of us, and to connect to this deeply is honouring to our body and all that we are in this world. The more we realise our potential to be tender the less we need the ‘hard protective outer layer we live with every day’. It releases us from so much distraction when we can be truly ourselves and allow the world to see our potential – life becomes simple.
So beautiful to read your blog today Paula as you offer a deepening of our relationship with intimacy with ourselves and our body. As we learn to appreciate the true delicacy of our body and what it is offering us as a way to honour and treasure what we contain within – the very sacredness of life.
Dear Susan,
I love how you have brought intimacy with ourselves into the equation, especially in relation to tenderness. When we know our tenderness and are open to know all that we are intimately, we can feel the moment that we harden in any way in any situation. We may not be able to return to our tenderness immediately, but the pull of our tenderness brings us back and allows us to release the hardness that we found ourselves experiencing.
Yes Leigh, like so much this is a work in progress for me. I am realising that until I have an intimate relationship with myself and my body I will not be willing to allow love to flow freely in me and all that I do in life. Once we have experienced tenderness within it is a marker that we can build on and allow ‘the pull of our tenderness’ to bring us back and allow ‘us to release the hardness that we found ourselves experiencing’.
Thank you for sharing Paula. The EBM modality is heaven sent, this modality supports the woman to not only feel what is going on in her body but it allows her to know the truth of herself, her divinity is revealed and so is her connection to her inner beauty.
I loved this Paula for it is a gorgeous reminder of what lies within and what we desperately crave to connect to, yet can choose to live in total disregard of constantly fighting who we innately are when embracing it instead and surrendering to it is only a choice away… and a deeply beautiful step towards truly knowing and appreciating ourselves as women.
Paula, I understand very well what you speak of here. I grew up with brothers and we all tried to be our father’s best boys, yes me too, and I became tough and hard and very competitive with everyone. In doing so I ignored the tenderness I naturally am and the deep sweetness I carry, it’s been a long road back and Esoteric Breast Massage has very much been part of that journey where I’ve learned how to be truly tender with myself again, and how much I’ve missed that in my life, that neediness you speak of I know also and you’re right it’s us we miss in that moment, and we’re just looking outside for what we’re not giving ourselves. It’s great to be changing this and exploring and living more the tenderness we are.
I fell into the trap of behaving like a tomboy growing up wanting to be capable and independent to cover up the fragile and vulnerable young girl that I was only to now realise the true strength that’s in that fragility and vulnerability.
Thankyou Paula for sharing the sweetness of you. Simply allowing myself to surrender, more and more, to the tenderness I am has connected me to the true beauty of women, and to know that there is nothing I need to do to be more womanly … I feel I am just now coming into my womanhood, in the later years of my life.
Dear Anne,
I love how you talk that by surrendering to your tenderness this has connected you to the true beauty of women. This I know for myself, I now truly cherish the relationships I am building with the women in my life.
I now realise how I have spent my whole life searching and trying to be a true woman, when all along, it was right there, all I needed to do was reconnect back to my true self, I am learning that our natural tenderness is a great place to start the process.
I can so relate to that, Sally. All the trying and struggling, instead of simple surrendering to what has already and always been here all along – just waiting to be connected back to.
“A Woman Is Naturally Tender, Not Hard” – I felt very supported and confirmed reading your blog. Knowing how I have acted against it most of my life, and now reconnecting with it for a while, when I become aware of the residue of this hardness in my body I am in deep appreciation of my willingness to surrender even more. This feels exquisite.
Your words are a timely reminder for me at this time Fumiyo, when I become aware of the residue of this hardness in my body I am in deep appreciation of my willingness to surrender even more. I am feeling the hardness of my own resistance to going deeper with my own self love and allow the surrender as I have left out self appreciation of how far I have come.
Beautiful Julie – to at last be able to truly feel the hardness of resistance is for me a moment to realise that at last I am feeling the truth of where I am at rather than fooling myself and numbing the hurt. As you say it is indeed time to appreciate how far we have all come as we become more honest and truth-full as we fully embrace the surrender that is offered to us all as we open our hearts and allow love in.
A woman is naturally tender, yet we have separated from that natural tenderness and not allowed ourselves to feel it, or truly live in that tenderness, now my body is beginning to reawaken and I understand how I have lived in the hardness to protect myself, and by doing so it kept me away from my tenderness. I too am slowly returning to my natural tenderness.
As women when we connect to our precious, tender and sacred selves our body changes, there is a melting, the outer protective coat drops away. What pure joy to know that I am not my hurts and disappointments and to feel the wings of my heart expand each time I let go of another layer of guardedness.
It was ‘pure joy’ to read your comment Kehinde and to feel how deeply you connected to your ‘precious, tender and sacred’ self. Thank you.
It is interesting that the word ‘sacred’ is very close to the word ‘scared’ (as predictive text has sometimes let that one slip through). I have been walking through life scared of letting go and letting people in, but through Esoteric Women’s Health and the Esoteric Breast Massage I am beginning to let go, and connect to my sacredness and that feels b – e – a – u – t – i – f – u – l.
I have a way to go but I know which I prefer, to be scared is not nice but to feel sacred is awesome.
Interesting, Sandra how these links occur – and bring a new depth of understanding to how we express. Scared feels like the antithesis of Sacred and when we chose to live life in a way that is scared we are removing any possibility of connecting as we are in contraction from feeling ourselves deep within. It feels as though scared is something that is dictated by our head and that sacredness begins to develop when we let go of the head and allow the heart to lead the way and the body expand.
Such a pure joy Kehinde to read your comment. As we surrender to who we truly are we may find that our hurts are like marks on a glass window – they never effected our inner essence, but we spent a lot of time focusing on them and letting them detour us away from the glorious beings we so truly are.
The contradiction of what is our innate nature, tenderness, delicateness and sacredness, and what we live, a hard and driven way of performing couldn’t be bigger. No wonder we have so much illness and disease, for how we live as women in general is absolutely not who we truly are and our bodies are paying the price for that. Universal Medicine allows us to reconnect back to our innate qualities and just like you I am very grateful for that.
Very true Monika R. We women have gone way against our true nature and our body communicates this back to us.
Yes it does, Ilja, our body communicates loud and clearly if we don’t surrender to our innate tender and delicate nature, but harden instead and push through to get things done. I have a right arm that gets painful or stays painful as a loud and clear reminder.
This is so true Monika: “how we live as women in general is absolutely not who we truly are and our bodies are paying the price for that”. This is how I used to live, but didn’t realise that I had hardened my body so much that I had buried the true me underneath the hardness and the exhaustion that came from living with that hardness. To now have begun to connect to the tenderness I naturally am has made such an amazing difference in my life and my health.
This is a lovely sharing Paula. I too can see myself in your words and relate to ” what I really craved was my own tenderness-of me being tender with myself in every way”
thank you Paula.
Yes, the same applies to men. It is great to see a man behaving tenderly and expressing his tenderness.
So true Christoph – and it allows me to connect to that part of me that is also expressing in my maleness. It brings a sense of equality that is unifying and spherical and allows us to drop the barriers that have been built that makes us think we are different – when the truth is we are the same in our essence.
It’s fascinating to me how our realisations are all about surrendering to who we already are, to the qualities and the divinity that are innate within us all. I have also experienced the hardness and the tension of extremely forced holding postures in my body and I am consistently amazed how, once I identify that hey are there and am open to feeling them, they dissolve. It is truly incredible what we have layered over our true nature – I am always flabbergasted as to how and why this should be the case.
Yes we have done well to ‘bury’ what is naturally within us and I find it quiet fascinating how uncovering that is so easy and can be done in an instant when we get all our ‘stuff’ out the way. Stuff that is actually not who we are but who we think we need to be.
We are masters of building up the layers of protection which prevent us from connecting to the tenderness within and feeling our innate loveliness. The esoteric breast massage has allowed me to feel my tenderness and above all, accepting it, as I am so used to feeling the hardness that I began to think that that was the real me. Each time I have an EBM I go deeper into my own body and realise that there is a true power in feeling my own tenderness and appreciating that allows me to go even deeper.
Yes Sandra – I can feel the truth of what you say – these layers of protection deaden our sensitivity to feel our innate inner beauty. The esoteric breast massage offers us the opportunity to let go of that protection and connect to that delicacy and exquisiteness that is forever who we are in our essence. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable we can feel not only our own fragility but the love and respect that we are being offered in a very intimate moment.
such a pure and beautiful expression Paula. The concept of the EBM’s and the lovely surrending that is possible with our bodies is so remarkable.
To me Natasha, the opposite to surrender is to feel like a wooden soldier standing to attention, not letting anything in, or out for that matter, keeping all that yummy love and tenderness tightly bound inside. The EBM’s for me, support me in letting go of that hardness and surrender to a gentle tender, touch, and now I am beginning to realise that I AM A REAL WOMAN after all 🙂
Gorgeous Sandra 💙
Thankyou for sharing this Paula, I can also relate to all of this as it is also my experience of life – now to let go of so many years of conditioning that did hammer us from all directions to be something other than who we were.
The only think we need to hammer away now is the layer of protection we have built up in our bodies, although I wouldn’t want to take a hammer to myself (!) the Esoteric Breast Massage is a far gentler option, and one that I would wholeheartedly recommend to any woman if she wants to re-connect to the delicate fragility and superb power of her breasts.
This deep tenderness within ourselves is something any body would naturally miss. The intimacy and warmth it brings – no wonder we struggle without it. The way you describe it Paula, its like we are dog’s walking around, thinking we are cats. When we surrender to our natural qualities we can truly let go of that.
So well said Paula and I appreciate your honesty in your sharing.
What a gem…”I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.” I know this to be true for myself, with that ‘neediness’ came so many other behaviours, drinking alcohol, eating comfort foods, feeling lonely, some times a bit depressed, and an underlying feeling of unease. Through returning to more of an appreciation of my tenderness, the ‘need’ has evaporated, I feel content in myself, it is a miraculous and wonderful experience.
There are so many layers of protection which can seem insurmountable. What I have found with surrendering is I can feel who I am underneath all those layers and allow the divinity, the joy, the love, the tenderness to radiate out from this deep connection to myself which simply melts away an expectations of myself and having to do anything other than live the truth of who I am. This is the blessing that comes from Esoteric Women’s Health and in particular Esoteric Breast Massage. All that tenderness can enrich ones life and that of others and it has been there all along without needing to criticise ourselves not even in the slightest. We really are simply love and can live it everyday if we honour our innate beauty that is within us all.
‘what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.’ This is an extraordinary gift you’re offering here to women – to revisit our need for intimacy, for meeting ‘the one’, for recognition at work from bosses, at home from family and friends and instead bring it back to us, to ourselves, rather than looking outside ourselves to have our needs met. Because we have this loving tenderness within us already. Always have, always will. It’s a part of our innate quality as a woman. We might deny it, but it’s undeniable.
What this is teaching us is that to get recognition, hardening is a possibility for both boys and girls. In both cases, we have to work hard to harden and then live with the consequences of having shut down your capacity to allow anyone in.
Paula as I write this I can feel the hardness in my upper chest and inner shoulder area, and feel how one shoulder in particular wants to curl inwards. I am very aware of these areas as I have been on an arm program with an esoteric healer, and the effect of the holding is now on the surface. It feels like it is just the habit of bracing and protecting that is holding me here and that I’m to allow tenderness to be my way in this unfolding process.
Paula looking back to the last time I read your blog I can feel how I glossed over what you were saying not really connecting and avoiding the words like surrender and tenderness. My body has been showing me lately how much more I can go to deepen my connection with myself as a woman and what this actually means in my day. Today I was able to read your blog with a completely different set of eyes more loving and embracing of who I am as a woman. Thank you it was a joy to read.
Yes there is such a sense of returning home when we allow ourselves to drop the hardness and the ‘shell’ and to feel what we truly are underneath it all.
This was exactly what I needed to read today. I have been feeling the tension of fighting myself, avoiding surrendering to the sacredness that is already there. I am inspired by your exploration of your thoughts and expectations, and the judgements you had about yourself and others. It feels like this is key to letting go of what is in the way of claiming what is already there inside myself and in us as women.
There is a sacredness in us when we surrender, like a new-born baby, free from striving or driving for any goal or mission it must complete. What a beautiful revelation to see that we can return to this innate tenderness and delicacy whenever we simply allow ourselves to deeply and truly surrender. Thank you, Paula.
Paula, the word that struck me in your blog was surrender, something so powerful as it feels it is the key to unlocking the holding that so many of us choose to live with daily. I felt reading your words that every time I have truly allowed myself to surrender, I have felt I naturally drop into my body and I let go of the need for perfection, for guard, I can just be. You have inspired me to let the true woman out, by surrendering to the fact that a true woman doesn’t need to be hard or perfect, just tender and loving with herself first.
Paula I can completely relate to this blog, I too was always proving to my father I was as good as a boy and in this proving not realising how hard I was becoming in my body and neglecting my tenderness and femaleness. Once I started to have Esoteric Breast Massage, I started to connect to my tenderness, that’s when I became aware of just how hard and tense my body felt. I had driven myself to becoming really hard in, which was keeping me away from my tenderness, preciousness and sacredness.
“I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.”
Wow these words got me Paula – we can’t stay stagnant with our level of self-care and self-love, always can we go deeper.
Precious Paula thank you for your amazing blog. I can very much relate to what you have shared: “I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.” I too was raised as a boy and I am more and more re-discovering my tenderness, preciousness and sacredness as well. I like the idea that we both are now role models for all women raised as boys.
“fighting against my true nature – that of being the loving, tender, precious and sacred woman that I am unfolding today.” Paula I can also feel how I had been fighting against my true nature. Now when I stop this fighting I can instantly feel a quality in me that no amount of fighting can take away. It is always there. I am now choosing to connect to this quality and build from there.
Thank you, Paula. A very beautiful sharing. “Surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman” – I love this.
‘In fact what I really craved was my own tenderness’- a light just went on for me. Thank you Paula.
Paula, it is as if I read my story always proving I could do just as good as a man. I never brought the woman to my work but always the person and only recently I started to notice how different the quality in which I work is when I bring the woman to my work and appreciate this tender, nurturing quality which is in me, appreciate the gorgeous woman I am and let the world see Me.
When we seek approval from others, it is never enough, regardless how much praise we get, yet we make major efforts to get that approval. When we find our own tenderness, our own love, the need for external approval reduces a lot which is very freeing and creates a virtuous cycle as we can express more and more tenderness and have more and more energy so we can express…
I just want to say Christophe I love the fact that have a constant presence within the ‘Women in Livingness’ Blogs. Your light of equality shines very bright and is very appreciated.
A lovely blog Paula, we can be very hard on ourself and not appreciate how delicate we are. As we develop a loving connection with ourselves we need to deeply appreciate that connection, as we build more consistency with it, and when we do this we also get to appreciate how far we have come from the hardness we felt before.
I feel deeply moved by your blog Paula and incredibly tender. As I was reading I became aware of how your words reflect how I feel and I became aware of the hardness in my chest from the ‘tough day’ I’ve just put myself through. Tenderness is always waiting just beneath this outer shell of protection and will melt it instantaneously the moment there is a chink in the armour letting the true light of us out.
Its beautiful to read about your journey with your own tenderness. I’m also awakening to this quality in myself and learning to be tender with myself.
I love your blog Paula, it tells me so much, it is like you are speaking to my soul and say ; Hey, what about your amazing tenderness? I absolute love the delicasy of being a woman and how this is being further explored in this article. As you say: surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman. I have started my discovery:) Just like many more gorgeous women on this blog site (and beyond).
“I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way. Not only was this tenderness with myself but also about honouring and accepting myself as the woman that I am.”
This was quite a revelation for me and I discovered that when I became more accepting of myself for who I am that ‘need’ simply dissipated,
I really resonated with what you share about being recognised through work Fiona. For me I always felt I was living a lye as it was about being seen working/being busy not about who I was – I felt like I was pretending to be busy/working like I was an actor in a play. There is a total disconnection to the body as you have to override it to achieve the end result of being busy. Through the Esoteric Women’s Health program I was able to connect to the tenderness within me which made a huge difference to how I approach my work.
This is an interesting suggestion and one that felt very true for my experience “I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness…” I felt I was ‘needy’ and when I read this part of the blog I become aware that by reconnecting with my own tenderness it has meant that I no longer feel or perceive myself in that way. Thank you.
Dear Paula,
I find myself revisiting your article tonight. And tonight I find myself pondering on the paragraph where you talk about spending many years of your life trying to prove to your father that you were as good as any boy. I too lived this way and I have had much understanding come to me around this. Yet I can feel that there is something deeper that is coming up for me here. The extent that I completely ignored my feminine body is absolutely shocking to me know and I feel that I am only just beginning to feel the depth of pain in my body from doing this. In the simpleness of voicing this in my comment tonight, I can already feel a harmony in my body as if my body is reclaiming a deeper tenderness than I have allowed myself to feel ever before.
Deepest thank you to you for your words.
“Surrendering to the tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman.”- yes, this is still a work in progress for me. When I do connect to my inner essence I feel such warmth of love radiating through my body- so nurturing and confirming that I am precious, sacred and divinely beauty- full. It is always there to connect to- the choice is mine.
Dear Paula,
‘Surrendering to the tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman.’ Yes. Surrendering to my tenderness has simply unlocked the woman I am and each day I find a depth to myself that I had not before felt. The woman I am, is developing ever so tenderly each day. And the joy I feel in this is the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt.
Before Universal Medicine, I had no idea that it wasn’t normal to feel hard across the chest and shoulders. It is only through knowing what that open and surrendered feeling is like that I am now aware of when there is hardness. I loved what you noticed Paula about even your voice being hard. I notice that my voice reflects how hard I am with myself or not. It feels and sounds beautiful when I let go of that false protective hardness.
‘in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way. Not only was this tenderness with myself but also about honouring and accepting myself as the woman that I am.’ What a powerful realisation this is – thank you for sharing Paula. As with this we realise that all that we are chasing outside of ourselves will never suffice and consequently the chase continues. I have discovered that looking within has revealed a beautiful quality of divine tenderness, which is me. This is who I am. And I love that this developing relationship with myself and my tenderness is forever deepening and uncovering the riches that await my celebration through how I live.
Thank you for sharing this Paula. As I read the article I felt myself surrendering to my own tenderness as a woman just feeling who I am and not striving to be anything for anyone else. Words that resonate with me is where you say “what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.”
Beautiful Paula. I am connecting more deeply to my tenderness – something I have ignored for so long. It is like getting to know a very dear and exquisite friend – feeling this love and getting to know the real me is a journey that I am so enjoying; it is delicious and precious rebuilding the relationship with my true self. I am truly beautiful and exquisite!
‘I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness’ How amazing it would be if we could allow ourselves to feel this tenderness in ourselves and feel it in the way we moved and held ourselves, in the way we touched ourselves, each other and the objects we handled also. In turn it allows us to appreciate ourselves, all we bring, share and encounter.
Paula I agree that ‘thinking – about anything” is enough to stifle the tenderness we are.
Tenderness is still and always with in, but thoughts smother and suffocate. I know I have to choose to feel my tenderness over my thoughts dreaming unreal perfection scenarios. This choosing is continual in every moment without perfection.
Beautiful, chosing in every moment without perfection to not go for the thoughts and the stories, but to stay with ourselves and our tenderness…
“I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.” May I say this very observation is of the highest quality one can have of oneself. This leads the way to great self-relationship and opens doors for the same with others naturally.
As I read your lovely blog Paula the tears came up as I remembered the hardness that I had carried in my body for so long, hardness that I used to protect me from the stresses and strains of the world, and in so doing keeping the true and beautiful woman I was, hidden behind the shield. During the first few Esoteric Breast Massages I had I was shocked to feel this hardness, but was able to acknowledge why it was there, and then very gently able to begin to release it. There are still moments in my life when I can feel this hardness trying to return, but those moments are becoming fewer and fewer as the knowing of the beautiful woman I am grows stronger and stronger.
Paula whilst reading your story I got to feel more clearly than ever before the fact that the qualities that we possess as women are already within us. I feel that as women we are brought up to always look to add things to our looks, our personality and our sex lives. It really is changing a deeply held mindset to consider that we are already everything we could ever want to be.
Wow Paula following sentences got me:”. . . but in the process I ended up only hardening or constricting my feminine body and consequently fighting against my true nature . . . ” That is what I did also – this fight was so to speak my daily choice and I loved it because I want to overcome this women ‘sickness’ of being weak (tender, fragile, vulnerable). It took me a while to understand that this was the trap but since I had such great role models like Natalie Benhayon I could start to chose another way and accept me as the powerful woman that I am – tender, fragile, precious and sacred.
Truly beautiful Paula, thank-you for sharing this. When I first heard of qualities such as ‘tenderness’ and ‘preciousness’ I too had but glimmers of what these could mean for me, that is, if I actually ‘lived’ these qualities… In time they have made more and more sense to me, from how I feel in my body – very much determined by the way I care for myself and simply connect to who I am as a woman.
It’s an ongoing discovery… there is always a deeper level, more to find, more to honour… and the blessing of truly getting in touch with such qualities, is that they ask me not to set some outer ‘benchmark’, as you’ve said, of something I need to live up to, but to – yes tenderly – allow myself the grace and the space TO feel these things.
What a joy it is, to know that such richness has always been there, waiting for my return, and that it’s there for all of us.
Victoria I can feel the truth in how you describe an “on going discovery”…always a deeper level”. Not to be considered in any other way but to allow and enjoy what is there to unfold from with-in.
Absolutely Sandra. There is never an ‘end point’, for love has no end, nor finite definition. By its very nature it expands… And these qualities are all about love – most specifically, the love we live and know in our bodies. It is there for us all.
Honestly, I had no idea to begin with! But through the inspiration of Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and Michael Benhayon in particular (along with many others..) I trusted that somewhere within me, I DID know… I just needed to nurture the sparks within into flames, and basically, give myself a chance. How glorious it feels today, and also, to know that yet more will unfold – there is so much more to come…
I love how you describe wanting more intimacy in your life Paula but in fact really wanting to connect to your own tenderness at a deeper level. We seem to always reach or look for that connection outside of ourselves rather than stopping and discovering that intimacy and tenderness within ourselves first.
So true Jenny, it is all inside of us and when we connect to it we start to fill ourselves with the warmth and exquisiteness that we are a part of. This is a beautiful reminder to allow this intimacy and tenderness with myself more often, in fact why not the whole day.
Thank you for your inspiring words Judith – as you say it is a ‘beautiful reminder to allow this intimacy and tenderness with myself more often, in fact why not the whole day’ and thank you for expressing these words as they are the ones that have begun my day and a true commitment to truly build an intimate and tender relationship with myself. As the intimacy with ourself grows so does our ability to reach out to others and this beautiful reflection is then shared with the world for all to share and enjoy.
You make an interesting point here Paula about needing to be ‘as good as a boy’ around your father.
I absolutely felt that growing up! I had a brother, my dad loved football and gardening and walking very fast, and my mum was always painting in her studio wearing overalls – so my female role models were quiet limited.
I decided from a young age I was more like my dad than my mum, so spent a number of years being like him – walking very fast and rushing, trying to talk confidently the way he does. But really it was all taking me away from who I truly am and the feminine qualities I hold.
Its great to admit this and realise how much of a role I played to be liked.
It is amazing how far we let ourselves go into that hard, male energy, isn’t Paula? In fact, most women still Iive that way. How awesome is it that we have had the opportunity to experience how precious, loving and tender we are actually in truth. And how gorgeous is it how promptly our bodies respond when we choose to change the false mindset that holds us in that hard, unyielding and forceful energy. It’s beautiful how almost instantly our bodies are able to return to their natural state of loveliness.
Thank you Paula, this is an important article for us all to remember that we are all naturally tender no matter how you have lived.
And thank you Amina, for spelling that out. It feels so good to remember that no matter what I have done, the tenderness is still there.
‘I became very aware of just how ‘hard’ or tense my body felt most of the time especially across my heart area.’ This is how I am feeling right now. For me it is the chest area and inside my shoulders. Time for an Esoteric Breast Massage.
I too can relate Laura, to starting to reconnect and feel the protection and hardness I hold across my upper chest and how I have curled my shoulders around to protect those very tender areas inside my shoulders. The Esoteric Breast Massage is a wonderful modality to connect to my true tenderness as a woman and feel how unnecessary it is to keep shielding myself from hurts as it only causes a hardness in my body.
I too can relate to both Laura and Jenny.
I have always lived with a hardening across my chest and curled my shoulders in to “protect myself”. My mother used to always comment on my slouching, and would say to stand tall with shoulders back. But I could never sustain this posture. It was not until I had an esoteric breast massage, and addressed the hurts that I felt the true tenderness and love within, as a woman. My hardness then dropped away.
Yes, talking about tenderness makes no sense unless you actually physically feel the hardness in your body. Then it is obvious that there is something better than that hardness and after a while it becomes clear that the something better is ‘tenderness’. Simple really, but very hard to get to when you don’t feel the hardness.
That is an important point Christoph, it is difficult if we don’t really feel the hardness in our bodies and address what is behind it. Esoteric Breast Massage and any Esoteric Modality is therefore a great way to start connecting to the tenderness we are and then the hardness pops up and gets exposed. With the time tenderness unfolds as our natural way of living. Very beautiful.
This is such a crucial point you are addressing here Christoph and Rachelandras, we have moved so far away from our natural tenderness, that we have forgotten what it feels like in the body and unless we are re-introduced to it, we do not even know that something is missing in our lives. That is the power of the esoteric modalities, they remind us that we are so much more and so much greater than we give ourselves permission to feel.
How beautiful are these comments that have unfolded a great realisation for us all. It is not until we have begun to embrace what we are not that there can be an opening to allow us to feel the grandness of everything that we are. Even the moment of allowing ourselves to feel our hardness is in itself a moment of tenderness, once we have let go of the judgment and criticism that have only compounded the hardness in the first place.
Laura, what I am finding too is that the inside of my upper chest near my shoulders become hard and tight, when I am hard on myself. I give myself hard times when I am getting caught up in the doing and my rhythm goes out, rather than just connecting to my inner most. This then causes my arms to get hard which goes down to my fingers. Esoteric Breast massage and arm massages really support in opening this area and connecting to my tenderness, that then helps break down the hardness.
Yes, Amita – I am exactly the same: if I go into pushing, doing without connection, and a kind of doing arrhythmia, that is when my body responds by hardening. All of which tells me that moving in male energy is not acceptable to my gorgeously female body.
The tension and the constriction is like a tightening across all areas. I feel it when I talk, and also when I am just sitting doing my computer work. The feeling of when I get a EBM and the pure ease and beauty that I feel within my body is absolutely unbelievable. To know that we can experience such loveliness within our bodies and how much we are not living this on a day to day basis is quite revealing.
Thank you Paula for this beautiful reminder of what I also experienced in my first EBM session – that there is a natural tenderness within us that can be expressed to ourselves and that it is very simple to give to ourselves. Yes the hardness of keeping what is so tender within us locked away does not feel nice (In fact it feels downright ugly) but if we avoid feeling that we avoid feeling completely – including that tenderness. Also thank you for the reminder that to surrender is simply to be aware of the tensions in the body and move out of or release their hold. If we were to hold our fist super tight it hurts so we release it, I am learning more and more that it is no different if I feel my chest or back or other parts of my body are tight – to just release.
Paula this was a lovely blog to read to inspire me into my day it was exactly what I needed to read this morning a great reminder and reflection that I am truly missing the tenderness can be an ongoing deepening if we choose it.
Your blog offered a light bulb moment for me Paula. The way you describe surrendering to your own tenderness changed something in me. All of a sudden I could feel how much energy I spend protecting my tenderness with hardness (even in my sleep!). I can also see that this choice causes me to disconnect from my tenderness to the extent I can’t feel it anymore. Thank you so very much for your words and expression. Truly powerful.
Truly when we let go of having to proof ourselves to the world, it is so much more simple to just surrender into the truth of our bodies. There is a feeling of coming home unparalleled by any form of recognition in the temporal world.
I love your honesty Paula and love your intention of appreciation, and the call from you to be more tender with yourself 💜
Beautiful Paula, a lovely reminder to surrender to that tenderness that it always there should we choose to connect to it.
My body has shown me that I still on guard and holding back. I’m appreciating the gentle unfolding taking place as I learn to surrender to my natural, tender and precious self. Thank you Paula.
One of the blessings of the EBM is that it supports you to surrender to your natural tenderness and you then have a marker in your body as to how this feels. This inspires you to make different choices in your day to day life so as to be able to live as the tender woman you innately are 24/7.
It is amazing how many of us as woman have endeavoured to do it all and as a result have hardened in our bodies. What a joy it is that we can come back to our true tenderness as women.
Discovering our true nature, is one of the greatest gifts that we can be given. The fact that Universal Medicine simply presents age old wisdom and truth that opens up the possibility for everyone to feel this is indeed a blessing for humanity.
Surrendering, letting go of protection and contraction, and the beautiful feeling of seamless connection with our body and the world around us is what Universal Medicine opens up for us.
Beautifully expressed Patricia – I love the feeling of seamlessness, no effort or push, which means no hardening of our bodies.
This is beautiful Paula, ‘what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way. Not only was this tenderness with myself but also about honouring and accepting myself as the woman that I am.’ I can feel that this is what I always wanted too, I am becoming more tender and more accepting of myself and this feels gorgeous.
You found what you were looking for within, your own tenderness and preciousness as a woman thanks to the Esoteric Breast Massage and Esoteric Women’s Health; that is worth celebrating.
That is beautiful and thank you for sharing Paula. Every time I discover the layers of hardness and protection I hold in my body, that make it difficult to feel the actuall tender, loving and graceful woman that I know I am, I am aware that all I have to do is surrender to this.
A wonderful feeling of appreciation and connection to sharing your surrender and tenderness Paula, thank you. I’m feeling the inspiration to choose tenderness and surrender to my body’s guidance every moment as I move through the day.
Reading this blog made me reflect on on how I see my self as a woman and do I really appreciate all that I am as a woman. My answer is YES. I am not perfect and I still get the odd self-loathing thoughts but what makes it come in less and less, is my very strong foundation of love towards my self, which supports me in letting nothing less than love come into my body. Which means less self-loathing, less binge eating, no more low self-esteem, confidence levels through the roof and my ability to appreciate my self is just amazing. All of this wouldn’t of been initiated if it wasn’t for Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon, all his family and ME.
This is really beautiful to read Paula, I can relate to what you have written here, after living for years as a ‘tomboy’ and living in a hard, tough way, I am now surrendering more and more to the tender, sweet woman that I am.
Reading this I noticed a hard ache in my forearms. Lovely to have this blog reminder and this solidarity in the comments on surrendering. I had a whole tomboy-femme thing going on growing up, to the point that I was affectionately called a ‘bloke with bird edges’ by male friends and I felt pride at that. I’m finding the more I allow myself to feel that I have been carrying hurt around with me and to let that go, the more tender my hands are becoming, naturally.
Jen How true this is – the quality of our movements can be a reflection of inner tensions and hurts. I recently overrode a light ache in my upper right arm, and ignored it, until it became a loud shout. It showed me how in my daily activities I was disconnected, moved without awareness and hard in my body. Now when I open and close my car door I’m attentive and finding ways to be ever more gently and tender in my movements.
Such a lovely article, Paula, showing how we can all choose to surrender ourselves out of old, hardening and dysfunctional ways of conducting ourselves and our bodies through life. Loving tenderness is definitely the choice I have made.
Thanks for your sharing Paula. For me I have moments where I connect with my tenderness as a woman and it is so beautiful. But too often the doing energy takes over and I can easily lose that connection. I first felt this tenderness through having Esoteric Breast Massages, which I have found an amazing modality to reestablish a truly natural and nurturing relationship with myself. Through my felt experience in my body of the Esoteric Breast Massage, I now have a reference point in my body as to what this tenderness feels like and aspire to choose this tenderness over the old patterns of hardening.
What a great sharing, Paula. Words like these obviously come from a women who has been feeling her tenderness very deeply. Thank you for reminding that it’s time to surrender! And let go of the tension in the body.
In re-reading this article, I get a real sense of the possibilities that you are exploring as a woman and in taking on more responsibility for the care of your body.
When I go into the doing and focusing on a task outside of me often I find my thoughts are very rigid and I tend to push my body harder than what it can psychically cope with. This doesn’t feel good when I do choose to feel. What I am learning now is that going into more doing to avoid feeling what doing does to my body doesn’t work! As Serge Benhayon has presented that I am now reminded of it’s like pouring acid on my hand then washing it off with the same acid. Choosing to feel does have that down side of feeling the ugly choices I have done to and with my body but feeling is also the only way in which I can feel gentleness and that warmth from within that I am building a relationship with, the more I focus on that the more I feel it in my day. What this blog reminded me was that surrendering is not big effort, simply a choice to do such.
Yes, I’ve found that hardness comes from pushing myself to get things done: the total antithesis of surrender and the total opposite of who I am when I am myself, a true woman.
Well said Coleen, I can feel the same in my body. It’s the wanting to get things done that instantly shuts off the connection to tenderness. Do = disconnect.
I can relate to the tenderness you write about here Paula, and the tension and hardness we build up to not feel the tenderness that is there all along.
You are so accurate when you say the ‘living up to the picture of perfection, absolutely overrides our tenderness’. I can feel for me how living like that totally annihilated my sacredness. It’s such a web that is woven when we are in disregard of ourselves in anyway, the impact on other areas can be enormous. When there is no awareness to the ‘side’ effect something is having on us, if the disconnected side effected part becomes un-well we can’t trace its real root cause because of the disconnection.
Paula what you write about here is so evident in many women these days. I for one was caught up in the hardness of my body, trying to protect and defend and do all that I felt that I had too. As I surrender more and more to my body I can feel how disregarding and false this way of living is. I can feel that there is no need to protect or defend. Simply this feeling of continued loving support that is within me, there in every moment constantly supporting, holding and loving me as I negotiate this wonderful and at times challenging life that I am living.
Beautiful Paula, ‘A Woman Is Naturally Tender, Not Hard’, this is what I am learning too, I spent most of my life being hard, thinking it was cool to be a tomboy, but I can now feel that I was living the opposite to who I am actually I am, it feels amazing to have re-connected to the natural tenderness that is me.
“I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.”–how true Paula, that what we are really looking for is to be intimate with ourselves, for we know we can be so intimate, so close, so honoring of ourselves and with others, and when we choose to live this knowing, there is no need to find it outside of us. Thank you for the reminder.
That was a stand out line for me too, one heart: that any apparent neediness is actually a deep and natural craving on our part for us to be tender and long with ourselves and our bodies. It would offer a simple resolution for those who appear ‘needy’ in relationships also.
I loved reading again this morning “in that what I needed to do was in fact surrender… surrender to my body. “ This I am taking with me in every moment of the day.
Awesome sharing Paula – I too recall a time when I wanted to be a boy and not a girl. I also did the ‘boy thing’ getting into sports so that I could spend time with my dad. As a teenager and just starting to develop breasts, I remember putting bandages around my chest to hide the development – it seems clear to me that there has been (and still is to some degree) a difficulty in accepting myself as being a woman and being in a woman’s body this life. These days I am beginning to feel deeper and deeper how amazing an opportunity it is to be in a woman’s body and to have access to the sacredness and exquisite tenderness that lies within ready to be tapped into and let loose. Acceptance or lack of it, still can get in the way of me letting out the woman within, but it is a gradual and beautiful unfoldment that I am enjoying tremendously.
Paula, I have recently been stopping to feel my tenderness.
And how much I can then surrender when I come from feeling tenderness first.
There doesn’t seem to be a resistance in me.
Thank you Paula for your blog, I know first hand the hardness that you speak about in my body. I also know first hand the tenderness that I have within. Your writing has helped my to allow myself to surrender to my body, even when the situations that I may find myself in are challenging. I had one of those yesterday. My old pattern was to criticise, judge and generally pull myself down. As I was experiencing the situation I could feel all of this arise, but I could also feel my innate love for me and I chose this. The greatest learning that I got from yesterdays experience is that I had to keep choosing it, to keep honouring my body and surrendering. Because as I was living the experience there were constant thoughts to take me out and bring me down. However by surrendering to my body I was able to deal with the situation, with a clear head and in so doing, what could have been a lengthy stressful process was dealt with easily and quickly.
I love your honest, deep, tender, precious blog. Thank you. I just surrendered to it.
Yes I also felt the surrender and the simplicity to do so when I read this line. thank you
… “that of being the loving, tender, precious and sacred woman that I am unfolding today”. I loved what you have shared Paula. How precious it is that we are all unfolding to discover the deep tenderness that never leaves us. Thank you.
I can so relate to what you have shared here Paula.
I too have had difficulty connecting to the tenderness let alone sacredness that I have as a woman. I have had glimpses of these things but, as you noted for yourself, when I have felt these qualities within me, I have also felt how far I am from choosing these things in my day-today life.
Like you, the hardness I have held onto has been a kind of armour…an interesting analogy for me, as when I was younger, I was inspired by the ancient ‘amazon’ woman. I brought this warrior woman way of being into my life in the 21st century. This was the cloak I lived my life in and it informed the way i walked, thought, interacted, cooked…everything. I could always feel there was something more true underneath this way of being but I preferred the illusion of strength that it gave me.
I have since come to know that true strength is in vulnerability and tenderness…even sacredness…and that hardness is only a reflection of how hurt you have been – it doesn’t in fact offer any true protection.
‘true strength is in vulnerability and tenderness’ – a few years ago this would have seemed like a total contradiction to me, however now I am beginning to feel the truth of that strength as I change my perception of what being a woman means.
“surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.”
If I allow myself to feel the tenderness, then surrender is a lot simpler.
Dear Paula,
Just reading the words …”we as women have innate qualities of tenderness, preciousness and even sacredness within us –” feels soothing and truthful to my core. And yet I had lived my life to contradict and camouflage this fact. I too now choose to surrender to being a true tender and sacred woman.Thank you
Surrender to self is such a powerful choice, to allow oneself to be free to just be, no expectations, no impossible ideals, no need to prove you. Every single person has within an essence untouched by ideals, needs and beliefs – what would the world look like if we all chose to live from that – as our essence first, then our human-ness, then our sex …
As you say Geraldine, to surrender to just being you with no imposition from outside is a very powerful choice, and then to allow the tenderness, preciousness and delicacy of being in a woman’s body to unfold. The EBM is super powerful in showing us as women where we are holding the expectations, ideals and the need to prove ourselves within out bodies and gives us the possibility of letting go of all that to discover what’s underneath just waiting to be connected to. A truly remarkable modality offering a precious opportunity for women.
Such a beautiful blog, it is all about surrendering. The moment I choose to surrender, my body feels completely different, The beautiful thing is that I can make that choice in every moment. I can choose again and again and again, without bashing myself if I have gone into hardness, or just make that choice, feel my body and let go. There is nothing to protect, I can be open completely with me with the whole world.
Letting go of the tension and protectiveness. I really relate to this, as I catch myself going tense or in tension I know I have the choice to let it go and return my tenderness, I find it really helps to get to why I’m feeling tense and acknowledge it , it helps it dissolve.
Thank you Paula for expressing so beautifully and honestly your experience. I know well what it means to harden to be accepted, by my dad first and later by other adults in my life. I harmed my body enormously for a long time while the beautiful, super-tender and loving me was desperately trying to get my attention…
Thanks to the teaching of Universal Medicine and to the constant inspiration offered by Serge Benhayon, I now love feeling the tender me and live from that with the graceful woman I know myself to be.
Wow. Coming across this article this morning I realised i had gone into some hardness just to get things done. it is my old pattern of bracing myself for the storm. Yes there is a huge work load and a lot to complete but I can still be my tender gorgeous self in the doing of it!
Elaine –Thank you it’s always great to refresh awareness regarding staying with our tender gorgeous self no matter what is going on around us. And the goings on pass quicker and calmer when I don’t try and match the surrounding storm.
Paula, how you describe your experiences with hardness and tenderness is something I also know well. I grew up trying to be one of the boys and please my Dad and took that into adult life and work, to the detriment of my body. The truth is I’m a very tender, beautiful woman, but I’ve not lived that for much of my life so now I’m learning to be less hard on myself and allow what is innately there to be expressed with trying or pushing, and when I do, there’s a natural grace that comes with it. You reminded me today of the importance of being tender always with us.
A beautiful example of us having the choice to surrender to our tenderness that is naturally within at any time we choose. With the support of Esoteric Breast Massage this is so very worth it as I found in reconnecting with this quality within myself affects how I am with myself and others, and therefore the quality of my day. Thank you, Paula for an inspiring read.
Gorgeous article Paula, openly expressing the changes, ” Surrendering to the tenderness ” takes honesty and courage. An inspiring example.
Wendy it’s so true it is not easy to surrender to tenderness, it does take courage and honesty.
A lovely, tender blog that resonates strongly with me. “I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way.” This is so powerful. With all the pressures and conditionings of society of how to be a ‘man’ the connection to tenderness is buried so deep it has felt to not exist. To be now reconnecting to it is so freeing. With deep, deep appreciation to Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family and Universal Medicine.
Jonathan I agree the tenderness we are is almost like the Holy Grail – does it or doesn’t it exist – we know that it’s there but it has become mythical because few have truly connected with it. The societal pressure even adds a layer that says don’t even bother to look…
I echo your deep appreciation to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, the inspiration lays down a lit path back to the lost chalice that is the connection to the tender men we naturally are.
I really love the notion of it being like the holy grain ~it very much does exist and is amazing to be coming back to and feeling once again.The illusion of it maybe not being there is one to defiantly ponder on though. For so long the connection has been lost but once again it has been found.
Thank you again for this tender blog. I felt the hardness in my body this morning and realised how I had gotten into trying to get things done before Christmas. Not as stressed as years before but still letting that Christmas spirit lead me astray. i even had a dream that echoed this. Beautiful blog to read now to support me in what I know is the true me and the true way.
Hi Paula, lovely blog and in particular I love your claiming yourself ‘of being the loving, tender, precious and sacred woman that I am unfolding today.’ This feels so delicious, and expansive.
This is a great article Paula, I love how much you have changed – from a place of hard self criticism to tender self appreciation. Very inspiring.
I can relate to much of what you share here Paula. “To let go of all the tension and protection I was holding on to, and most of all, surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.” Sometimes I forget the tenderness has been there all along as the tension and protection has been there for so long it feels normal. Great reminder thank you.
A beautiful reminder this morning to allow myself to surrender to tenderness, preciousness and sacredness and let my choices come in this. Thank you Paula.
Paula, this really touched me and I see a lot in how I also grew up as a woman and how I tried to be one of the boys yet craved tenderness. And all along I missed being tender with me, yet I got caught in all the outside reward and recognition which never worked. Now as I learn more daily on being me, the tender woman I am, there is a completeness, a surety in me which never existed before when I was trying to be tough, hard and one of the guys. It makes sense, I am this tender, beautiful woman and to deny that meant I wasn’t being true;We all are truly us when we live and express from this truth, and as you note it’s a letting go, a surrender into us, no trying at all.
Thank you for sharing this. As I have come to understand: there is much strength in tenderness and surrender. I’d not even thought about this before as I tried to do and prove and act tough. But as I start to appreciate myself and treat myself like the gentle woman that I am, it leaves me with a connection that is very strong and true.
Certainly the EBM technique has really helped me to see this.
Whenever I feel tension in my body now, I ask myself to surrender, rather than ‘try’ and force myself to relax the area where I feel the tension. It feels more gentle, and allowing rather than ‘trying’ to ‘make’ my body relax to how I think it ‘should’ be. This feels like it’s more tender and excepting of myself, and where I’m at, rather than critical and harsh about where I should be. It also seems to bring the focus to my whole body, rather than just the area of tension, I’m not focusing on the bad bit, I’m aware of my whole body, and feeling the loveliness too. This understanding of tenderness for me has come about with the support of these blogs, the Esoteric Breast Massage technique and presentations by Natalie Benhayon and Sara Williams, amazing women who have inspired me to really know myself as a powerful tender woman.
Hi, Paula. The expectations I also placed on myself made my body very hard and driven, and it is only now that I am beginning to truly feel how much this way of being denatures us as women. Thank you for sharing how you have reconnected to your tenderness through the support of the Esoteric Breast Massage.
Surrendering to the preciousness and tenderness that is the essence of the woman I am has been like the gentle thawing of an iceberg. The hardness in my body that I thought I needed to ‘cope’ with life was a cold and hard lump that I carried around. I am now choosing to melt to my inner warmth and to appreciate and enjoy myself as a woman as I feel the preciousness and tenderness of my true self.
That feeling of not being good enough is something I know has driven me in the past and has often been at the expense of my health and well-being. The presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have inspired me to stop and consider myself. Finally I now choose to acknowledge that actually I matter and should put myself in the picture also. Letting go of all that trying and surrendering to the tenderness has not come easily, but when I do it feels exquisite.
A beautiful sharing Paula. I can relate to much of what you shared and I really enjoy surrendering to my tenderness and preciousness when I allow myself to.
Beautiful blog Paula, thank you.
Paula this is gorgeous thank you, it’s always a pleasure to be reminded of our true beauty and tenderness.
It certainly is Meg – when I can connect to that ‘true beauty and tenderness’ I can feel the change within my body as it releases and lets go of the tensions of the day.
This is a beautiful blog which I can really relate to. Most of my life my body has been hard, in protection so as not to get hurt or to be in defence, but I am slowly letting this go and allowing myself to surrender to the true woman I am and as you say “surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.”
Thank you Vicky for your comment – as you say as we slowly let go of our protection we are then more open to the tenderness that is within – and innate to us all.
Thank you, Paula for a beautiful piece of writing and I agree surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering the truly amazing tender woman I am!
I can recognise myself in so much of this article. Tenderness was not a word in my personal dictionary and now when I say the word I can feel my body respond and become more gentle and tender.
I agree Paula that there is an eternal, innate tenderness within us all. I can relate to what you said about being a harsh critic of yourself and how this causes hardness in the body. When we re-connect with our tenderness these hard layers start to dissolve and make way for a much more joyful way of living.
Thank you Fiona for your comment – I can so relate to being a ‘harsh critic’ of myself and I find it is inspiring in the way you have expressed about reconnecting to tenderness and how the ‘hard layers start to dissolve’.
A beautiful blog Paula, I related to much of what you have shared and find allowing myself to surrender to the tenderness that is always there, is forever unfolding and deepening.
Surrender is an interesting word – to me it always meant being weak, submitting our power to another, and I know that in the past my mind has resisted surrendering to my body, afraid of losing its control. But all my mind has done is make me ill, by overriding what my body has been telling me all my life. Through the Esoteric Breast Massage sessions I have learned that surrendering simply means feeling my body and allowing it to release the tension that I created, so that I can truly appreciate the tenderness that is naturally there.
That is beautiful Carmel, and has allowed me a fuller understanding of what I have been feeling around the word ‘surrender’ – as you say I also have felt that feeling of ‘powerlessness’ around the word surrender. I just love the way you have described so succinctly your experience of an Esoteric Breast Massage – ‘Through the Esoteric Breast Massage sessions I have learned that surrendering simply means feeling my body and allowing it to release the tension that I created, so that I can truly appreciate the tenderness that is naturally there’. This is so true and begins the process of us re-connecting to all that we are as women.
Paula, your sharing is very profound and one I can so much relate to. I love your honesty in exploring what was making your body feel hard. I too have become aware, with the support from Universal Medicine teachings of the hardness in my body. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend and we spoke about it, how we had no idea of this hardness until we start being (pun intended!) more gentle with ourselves.
I can relate to this hardness we tend to build in ourselves, a pushing through, always something to be done, instead of appreciating the loving, tender, precious and sacred woman within. Also to the knowing and having felt that’s it’s there, but not making it an everyday livingness as you beautifully describe.
I have enjoyed reading your blog Paula. Thanks for sharing your journey back to tenderness.
This blog feels so beautiful and clear in the way that it presents how simple and enriching life can be when we let go of past patterns of blame and ‘beating ourselves up’ for our lack of intimacy and love in our lives. The following passage feels so confirming and loving ‘I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way. Not only was this tenderness with myself but also about honouring and accepting myself as the woman that I am.’
Life becomes so amazing when we begin to allow, accept and appreciate all that we are and all that we hold within.
Very tenderly expressed Paula, and as I read it I can feel the yearning to fully connect and express from my tenderness as a man. Through the support and help of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have been shown that it is another way to be a man other than the hard, unfeeling way we are generally brought up to be. And that it is OK to have feelings and express them.
So true, Shevon, when I feel the tenderness that was so alien to me for most of my life I can feel how my body suffered from the hardness I lived every day. Now that is changing, longer periods of loving care of myself and my body, more playfulness, a lighter approach, less reaction, thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and the practitioners of Universal Medicine, and many students. Choosing the tenderness that is already there to be found and lived, how beautiful is that. I know the moments when I don’t, it feels horrible!
Thank you Paula. What you write is very poignant as it IS that tenderness that we long for. I can relate to the harsh and critical thoughts which can often seem normal, but when we start to re-connect with the tenderness within our own bodies, these harsh and critical thoughts start to hurt. It is becoming evident that they are less than loving thoughts and are not coming from tenderness at all. When we feel the contrast then we are more able to let go of what is harsh and critical..
It is lovely to re-read this blog and allow myself to feel how in the past I relentlessly sought for and craved the love of a man, when actually it was the tenderness with myself that I missed. Thank you, Paula.
Paula, thank you. I found your writing deeply touching, as it invited me to feel the holding in me too, and to surrender.
I too have been deeply inspired by the Esoteric Breast Massage practitioners to surrender and allow myself to feel how truly tender and sweet I am. It is such an amazing modality.
A lovely account of ” surrendering to the tenderness that’s already there” within us all.
Beautiful Paula, you have summed it up so beautifully “surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman”. I too have come from a place of proving “I was ‘as good as a boy’” and thanks to the grace of Universal Medicine and Esoteric Breast Massage, am like you, re-discovering my delicate tenderness and true expression as a woman. The support from both parties is immeasurable in guiding me back to understanding and connecting to the truly beautiful, tender, delicate and nurturing women every single one of us naturally are.
Love tho blog Paula, I could feel my shoulders let go as I read your words.” I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness”, so true, thank you Paula.
Sometimes we get so caught up in the doing and trying that we forget that everything we could ever want is right there inside us. The tenderness in our fingertips comes from our body, not what we do or try to be. And as you have shared it starts by just surrendering, at times I have felt anxious about just dropping everything, letting go of the pushing and ‘gotta get this done or the world will end’ thought process. But when I do just say ‘stuff it’ and surrender my situations and body lighten and I feel the benefits. Thank you.
I agree, Leigh, so much pushing to get things done and the anxiety that goes with it, is a self-destruct mode. Simply appreciating ourselves for the amazing women we are and surrendering to our tenderness feels gorgeous.
Paula, I can really relate to this, I am becoming more aware of how quickly I can allow my body to harden when I am getting impatient and rushing and how lovely it feels when I catch myself and choose to let go and surrender to the beautiful tender woman that I am. Thank you for sharing.
Well said, Lorraine, it’s so simple and it’s there for all of us. All we have to do is drop the protection we have layered on ourselves that’s not us, and surrender and find the beautiful tenderness inside us all. Lovely blog Paula thank you
I really like “what I needed to do was in fact surrender…surrender to my body. To let go of all the tension and protection I was holding on to, and most of all, surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.” It is so true.
I can so relate to this.
Beautiful – Truly inspiring, thank you.
Thank you Paula for the gentle reminder to honour the tender woman that I am.
Thank you Paula, I can really resonate with your experience of re-discovery – how a beautiful tender essence is felt inside, when the drive and habitual hardening of our bodies is exposed for the great harm it causes us as women.
Thank you Paula for allowing me to deeply feel that although from time to time I have a sense of preciousness and tenderness in my body that ‘feeling these qualities so infrequently has only exposed more of the exact opposite in my body and the way I have been living.’
It feels as though it is only once we allow the ‘what is not’ to surface that we can begin the process of re-connecting to ‘what we are’ – innately beautiful, tender women.
Thank you Paula, a lovely blog. A great reminder to surrender deeper. Recently I have been noticing the same situations I harden in, some are repetitive like for instance when I park my car and get my work bag out, or in a rush to be somewhere. I am aware of how impatient and rough I can be with myself. Through noticing these moments and being aware I am now more able to catch them when they are happening reminding me to let them go and surrender to the truly gentle woman I am.
Thank you Paula, and so eloquently said! I could so relate to your article and all that you said. Surrender to ourselves is an amazing gift to us.
Hi Paula, I really enjoyed reading your blog and how you have been able to surrender and let go of the hardness. Thank you for sharing your beauty and love.
Paula, I can so relate to what you have shared – thank you. I too used to be incredibly hard in, and on, my body and at the time, not even aware of this. As I have learned to reconnect to my body and to take deeper care of myself, I too have begun to feel this tenderness that is naturally within – and that in fact, has always been there. Thank you for this beautiful reminder that we are all naturally tender – men ‘and’ women…
I agree, Angela – when we reconnect to our body and begin the process of feeling our tenderness within it allows us to connect to our tenderness and it feels so beautiful to also feel that tenderness in men.
Thanks for sharing how you came to appreciate the awesome and tender woman you truly are, Paula, and how you are now able to live more of your love and womanliness because you recognised what your old patterns were and how they were holding the ‘REAL YOU’ back.
Hi Paula. This is so beautifully written. I love where you say what you were craving was your own tenderness – “of me being loving and tender with myself in every way” I can feel how there is such an opportunity for how we can be with ourselves, and how this never ends.
Thank you Paula for writing such a tender piece. I have also been surrendering to the tenderness I feel inside and it feels gorgeous to be this way with myself and others. It feels warm and fuzzy and vulnerable. Just delightful to be this way.
Beautiful Paula, I was on a morning walk today and felt a need for intimacy as was feeling a bit isolated. I held my own hands very precious and tenderly as I walked – it felt so lovely. This squashed any feeling needing this from the outside and felt like skipping home feeling the joy in this. I so relate and appreciate to what you have expressed above. Thank you.
Kim thanks for sharing this. I love the idea of you holding your own hands. I know I have not always supported myself, and have looked to others to do it for me. This is something I will bring into my day with me.
Its a funny thing support. Its like we really truly enjoy it and appreciate it when we receive it, but there is nothing like being able to stand and support ourselves and know that we have the absolute ability to deeply be held in our own love. I am experiencing support on a whole other level at the moment and it is a true celebration to feel the deep essence of trust that comes with that.
Yes Kim I sometimes feel the same. If I go for a walk on my own which often means that I want to be on my own I feel the need for more intimacy with myself so I hold my upper arms or my wrists or my elbows with tenderness. I feel it is very nurturing, and I get in touch with my preciousness and delicateness and I find it very supportive.
Beautiful Maryline, I love what you are sharing. I feel to add some of your arm holding into my walks as a nurturing way to deepen my connection.
Yes Lorraine, I agree, it is so lovely to find inspiration in the way that others live their lives – and, as you say, integrate their ways of living life into our own way. I feel I usually connect to my hips and feet when I am walking, so to connect to my arms will bring in a new and unfolding experience.
I found your comment inspiring, Maryline, I love the way you express the tenderness and preciousness that we can show ourselves in such a simple gesture as holding our own hand. It is truly amazing how it connects us to our own innate and inner beauty that has been waiting for so long for our awareness to awaken us. It feels so amazing to leave hardness behind as we re-establish our own inner natural way of living.
Thank you Paula, for expressing we are already innately tender and there is nothing we need to ‘do’, nor is it something that needs to be ‘attained’, just a simple surrender to what is already there, exquisite. I am new on this unfoldment back to tenderness too and am grateful for your sharing.
Hi Paula, thank you for your inspiring words – I too had the need to be ‘as good as a boy’ and created hardness in my body as a result of all the trying and striving instead of recognising that ‘what I really craved was my own tenderness’. Surrendering to what is innately in my body means that I am learning just how tender and precious we are as women.
So beautiful Paula, I could feel your tenderness reading each word, and my own surrendering along with it. Thank you.
Beautiful Paula, Thank you.