A True Woman: Surrendering To My Tenderness

Over the past couple of years I have listened to various presentations by Universal Medicine in relation to what it means to be a ‘true woman’… that we as women have innate qualities of tenderness, preciousness and even sacredness within us – if we choose to surrender to them.

I have had moments of these qualities, which although amazing to feel at the time, they have not been part of my everyday experience or way of living. In fact, feeling these qualities so infrequently has only exposed more of the exact opposite in my body and the way I have been living.

A Woman Is Naturally Tender, Not Hard

Every woman has an innate tenderness or capacity to nurture. In the unfolding of this knowing, I became very aware of just how ‘hard’ or tense my body felt most of the time especially across my heart area. I could even feel a hardness in the way I spoke, the way I did things and in my way of thinking, in that I was a harsh critic and judge of myself if I didn’t live up to my picture of ‘perfection’ which I had created and expected of myself and others.

This was a very unloving way of being and far from any tenderness towards myself, let alone preciousness or sacredness.


Recently I had an Esoteric Breast Massage where I discussed with the practitioner how I took my body for granted and expected it ‘to do’ so much, and that perhaps ‘appreciation’ could be a focus or theme for the session. When I lay on the table, the holding and tension in my body especially across the front of my shoulders was very evident and clear, in that what I needed to do was in fact surrender… surrender to my body. To let go of all the tension and protection I was holding on to, and most of all, surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.

I had thought that I was ‘needy’ or wanting intimacy but in fact what I really craved was my own tenderness – of me being loving and tender with myself in every way. Not only was this tenderness with myself but also about honouring and accepting myself as the woman that I am.

For so many years I had tried to prove to my father I was ‘as good as a boy’, later as a result I always sought recognition and approval through work and what I did to feel good enough about myself as a person by being physically strong like a male, but in the process I ended up only hardening or constricting my feminine body and consequently fighting against my true nature – that of being the loving, tender, precious and sacred woman that I am unfolding today.

With much appreciation for the inspiration and support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine… surrendering to tenderness is just the beginning of discovering who I am as a true woman.

by Paula Steffensen, Goonellabah, NSW

For Further Reading:
Breast Massage & the Esoteric Breast Massage – an Open Approach



415 thoughts on “A True Woman: Surrendering To My Tenderness

  1. Thank you Paula, there is so much to celebrate about returning to the true women we are by uncovering end reconnecting to our innate qualities. We spend so much time trying – to be better, to be more, to fit the picture and this line is so deeply touching because it confirms the ease we can embrace by simply surrendering to all we already are – “To let go of all the tension and protection I was holding on to, and most of all, surrender to the tenderness that was there – all along.”

  2. Who needs to be ‘as good as’ anyone? None of us. It’s a perpetuated lie. We are the all within and we have all that is needed to live the all, so let’s go.

  3. Isn’t it interesting that surrendering, an expression that is synonymous with giving up and being vulnerable to abuse, is the way we lighten the load on our bodies and is the key to the deeper awareness to we are far from open to abuse. That in that vulnerability we feel more than we ever did in the ready and ‘braced for impact’ body.

  4. Tenderness, delicateness.. these aren’t qualities that we need to go out and get, strive to create and layer onto ourselves: we are already those qualities, so returning to that way of being is returning to who we already are, and what we know within.

  5. I love how you talk about surrendering to these innate qualities within you, that the qualities of tenderness, preciousness and sacredness are naturally there within us and it is we who layer over these. A beautiful unfolding to once again feel and know these qualities.

  6. I get this idea of being needy, looking outside for something to be given to us, and neglecting how we are with ourselves. The more tender, caring and loving I have become with myself the less I have needed from others, instead I am able to receive the love and appreciation form others without making demands.

  7. I used to think surrender meant to give up, yet that is so far away from the truth, surrendering to ones soul is a clear road map home.

    1. Society teaches us little about true relationships, so much so that by the time most of have left school we have a warped idea of what a real relationship looks like.
      The fact we have so many wonky relationships is testament to a human race that does not know themselves.

    2. I also used to think of surrendering as giving up and being walked all over, when in fact it is a deep letting go of attachments, fears, needs, wants etc – a total acceptance of the fact that we are part of something much greater than ourselves. It’s a knowing that is always there, and felt more deeply through building a relationship with and connection to our body.

    3. Beautiful comment I also used to see it as a weakness, it is fact our greatest power to be willing to surrender to the Soul.

    4. Yes, me too. I actually feel quite angry that this is not what we are all taught because those who taught me didn’t get this insight and were under the wheel of crazy drive too! But I am one, and as such have the potential to change that for myself and offer the reflection to anyone who would like to see it.

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