Perfect Family Picture or NOT?

by Nicole Serafin, Woman, Wife, Mother, Self-employed Pharmacy Receptionist, NSW, Australia

Have you ever felt dissatisfied with life, not happy with what you have or where you are at, using half-truths or manipulation to control or create a situation, pretending everything is ok when it is not? Have you lived a life totally self created from an ideal or belief to achieve ‘perfection’, prepared to do whatever it takes to have a perfect family picture and life?

My family life appeared to be a perfect picture – I had an amazing husband, a great home, a successful business and we had a beautiful daughter who was, as people would say, a ‘dream baby’. I had all the things that perhaps many women dream of: perfect family, perfect child and perfect life.

Was I being greedy wanting more?

If life looked so ideal, why did things still not feel great? What was missing?

My days were spent keeping everything looking perfect:

  • The house clean and tidy
  • Amazing meals prepared
  • Successful business
  • Being the model mother
  • Appearing to have it all under control

And to a certain degree, it was all under control but on a deeper level it so was not. Underneath, things were not great.

I began to feel how my life was being lived from outside of me, from the appearance of how everything should look, rather than how anything felt for me.

I was missing connecting to the most important part of me, how I felt, how life felt.

I thought I was half-consciously pushing away these feelings. I realised I did not really want to feel how my day to day life was, preferring instead to gauge it on what I could see and do. I was pushing away the feelings in fear it would ruin my perfect picture.

Over a period of time, it became clear to me that at some level I had been feeling how things actually were but that I had also chosen to not articulate this to myself, let alone to others – not wanting to rock the boat so to speak, not wanting to admit that the way we were behaving within the family, within the home, did not feel right.

The life I had created was one that was to look and appear perfect and my day was spent keeping that picture looking just that – perfect.

However, what I’ve come to realise is that:

  • There was a lack of communication in my life with those around me and with myself.
  • I needed to bring honesty and love into my life, so that the life I lived was true and not something that I created from outside of myself.
  • I wasn’t speaking what I was feeling in fear of how another would react or act, speaking what I thought would get me what I wanted or needed.
  • Rather than saying it was my idea, I would make another think they came to the conclusion, then if something went wrong or did not work it was not my fault, I was not to blame!
  • When decisions needed to be made I would see the entire outcome and then map out how I would get to that outcome, it was like watching a movie, I would play it out until I got the end result – if the end result did not happen, that is when the frustration kicked in, my picture ideal was broken, then came the reaction.

And so, I began to build from myself honesty first; feeling what was needed and from that expressing honestly, this meant being, doing and saying what was needed, rather than being what another expected me to be or doing what was needed to create a picture that was appealing to myself and others. I was now starting to live life based on the choices that were supportive of everyone and not being afraid to expose the ‘perfect family picture’ for what it may or may not be.

I soon realised that my life was greater than I had seen it to be. Once the honesty came into it, life quickly started to change, the not so perfect family picture was exposed for what it was and true life began to emerge: A life built on honesty, truth and love, that supported not only myself but all around me equally so.

Things began to feel great – I no longer needed them to be perfect, only to be true.

My appreciation goes to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have given me the tools and support to be able to create and build such an amazing life lived. 

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479 thoughts on “Perfect Family Picture or NOT?

  1. Trusting what I feel has been about building a relationship to what I sense and to my whole body, as opposed to being in life from my mind only and cut off from my feelings. It is an ongoing process because the pictures can be quite enticing, but they are getting more and more exposed for the lie they are and that they don’t truly offer anything of substance, only me living the fullness of me brings substance and richness to my life. Ticking the box of a picture can never do that.

  2. Forget a tidy house and everything being perfect – connection with ourselves and others is what it is all about.

  3. There is a deep surrender in this process isn’t there and in our evidence based world that can be a challenge because we convince ourselves that we don’t trust we will be OK. Yet without giving it a go we perpetuate the prison we have put ourselves in yet feel we have no choice but to be in.

  4. Family are not so picture perfect and most families reveal the rot in family life that determines it’s okay to abuse family members, simply because they are a member of your family. This shows the shocking state we have accepted as family. Abuse is abuse and it needs to be called out in family life.

  5. These are small but huge changes you have made in your life, coming from honesty and an open relationship with yourself as the basis of changing some choices which are right for you. What follows will be what it will be.

  6. Those idealistic pictures we create in our mind invariably lead to disappointment. When we live with the truth of all we feel in our body we are able to appreciate all that we already are – no artificial pictures required.

  7. I have come to see, often the hard way, that perfection is a destroyer of self-worth, of relationships and of living an harmonious life. Perfection is simply an illusionary state, the pursuit of which is as futile as trying to pick up mercury, and in the process feeling a whole raft of emotions from frustration, to anger, resentment to hate, all emotions which have no place in the human body. Smashing the pictures of perfection is like being liberated from a very uncomfortable strait jacket.

  8. What things may look like on the surface are often not as they are when we dig a little deeper, we could all do with an injection of honesty, such is displayed in this blog. Honesty is the way to heal, what prevents our potential being expressed, and our potential is not made for a few, it is made for all of us to benefit from and enjoy. The close knit, keep others out, not in my back yard symptoms that many families and communities display are damaging, we can not have better without others having less…it is time to live for all of us and support all of us.

  9. If we measure our success in life against the world around us it can certainly add up to one big tick of approval with a picture-perfect life, yet if we are to be open to how we are honestly feeling within there is often a very different story being told of unsettlement, anxiety and emptiness. I have experienced this and have also discovered that no matter how well you follow societies standards, without connection to love our true success and fulfilment is limited and at the mercy of what is happening around us.

    1. Yes that is so true. Societies standards are not your standards and we must consciously choose to see the difference otherwise we will follow societies because it is the ‘done thing’ and forever feel unsettled, anxious and empty.

    2. So well expressed, thank you Carola, and so many people have supposed picture perfect lives, fame, money, adulation, talent, health, etc, yet they turn to drugs or alcohol, or struggle to feel contented. I agree from my own life and experiences – only love is the true success.

  10. Realness brings with it a rawness. Without this, no one grows or evolves and we stay stuck, repeating the same patterns, the same conversations. Honesty sets the foundation for the possibility of growth and expansion in our relationships.

  11. Holding onto the perfect family picture is exhausting, it doesn’t feel true or honest so what you’ve shared is spot on Nicole. I reckon many people can relate because most of us have had similar if not the same pictures, ideals and beliefs that kept us from actually going beyond the surface and connecting to the truth. Once we let go of these constraints it is much easier to live with more love, honesty, and truth.

  12. Keeping everything perfect is an exhausting and unsustainable effort, all to live up to a picture which often does not reflect our true quality to begin with.

  13. I have read and heard accounts like this quite often in recent years. People who apparently have everything they could wish for and yet there is still this inner sense of disquiet. Famous people too, who, on the surface lead ‘dream lives’, but who turn to drugs and alcohol, have awful relationships etc. Have we ‘backed the wrong horse here’? The one that promises us everything but at the expense of the everything we already are?

    1. Brilliant Richard, what a great question. I reckon we have for sure and it is starting to be more and more obvious that life doesn’t work when we live this way.

  14. I wonder if we need to create images and pictures of life because the truth is that life is not so great. What I feel is that we need to understand why life is not so great in the first place and address the root cause. Bringing truth into ‘play’ is a great thing to do, for it will expose the underlying lies that fuel our existence.

  15. I reckon that we experience much tension in our bodies when we reach or achieve our images of perfection because actually deep down we all know that perfection in human life is not our natural state of being because with perfection it is like the story has ended and there is no more room for growth, learning and change.

  16. I am learning more and more to let go of pictures and expectations as they inevitably lead to lack of contentedness or settlement in some way or another.

  17. When ever there is a picture perfect or ideal of how something should be, look or turn out there will always be a disappointment following I find. Truth though has no image and being honest with oneself exposes what is not true.

    1. Yes, I agree Victoria and how much longer are we willing to play this game where we fall for the pictures and ideals to only find that we knew from the beginning they were not true but took this path of illusion anyway to avoid being love, honest and true?

  18. Honesty is the key to any change we want to see in life, with honest comes the opportunity to build a foundation of awareness, love and care for ourselves that can become steady and real and confirming in who we are. Rather than fitting a pictures of what we think we should do or look like.

  19. From time to time, I find it really helpful to make a stop and place all areas of my life under the microscope to honesty assess what is truly supporting me on my evolutionary path, and what is not.

  20. If we hold back speaking what we’re truly sensing is needed to be expressed then everyone misses out on what we have to offer….

  21. There are so many parts of this article that I can relate to, which says to me that these behaviours are commonly learnt during the lives of women as we grow and learn how to be women in the world, and not always particularly being supported with how to be super very honest and to honour and to communicate how we feel.

  22. What a great sharing of blasting out the picture of perfection. When we actually want to see what is true, so much is presented to us, and we can look to set new foundations based on truth. Sure they might not be comfortable or easy, but they are real and ask us to be more.

  23. Freeing ourselves from these pictures we’ve set up for ourselves about how life needs to be – how we think we need it to be – is so liberating. The effort of trying to make things perfect is actually quite crushing: it feels hollow and empty because it’s so formulaic and functional, and completely disconnected to who we are. Expressing what we actually feel about things and not what we think we should say is a great way to start bringing ourselves back to a more honest way of living – one that feels far more expansive and real than the pictures we try to live up to.

    1. Absolutely when we are trying to conform to others pictures of perfection we are selling ourselves short yet if we just give ourselves permission to express what is true for us we allow the space for life to unfold with no trying required.

  24. I echo that appreciation and thanks, and I know hundreds equally feel the same, ‘My appreciation goes to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine who have given me the tools and support to be able to create and build such an amazing life lived.’

  25. Serge has often presented that there is evil in ‘good’- and this is a key example. We can get into a ‘better’ and comfortable way of living that does not honour who we truly are – it can be full on to break out of, but once we start to make little shifts, the rest then follows.

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