Self-Reflections and the Esoteric Women’s Health Program

by Bianca Barban, Sacred Woman, Melbourne, Australia

I am a naturally reflective person.

For a while now I have been reflecting on my life and its quality. I am 38yrs, healthy, in a loving supportive marriage and have 2 beautiful children. I even managed to have a girl and a boy – pretty clever! Life is comfortable, in fact very comfortable, but for the thing I have been pondering lately…. is comfort truly fulfilling? Is there a deeper version of me waiting to be lived?

Over the years I have been building a quality of true love in my life, a loving foundation that was missing before. I have been shedding the layers of hurt and protection that I have used to keep me from knowing how lovely I naturally am. This process has occurred slowly through my commitment to self healing and re-connecting to my natural essence – the quality of true love that lives inside us all, forever untarnished by the outside world. I have received true support from Esoteric Healing practitioners, the courses and presentations of Universal Medicine and its founder Serge Benhayon, and by attending Esoteric Developers Women’s Group (EDWG) presentations.

Reflecting on What it Means to be a Woman

The EDWGs and the Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM) have supported me immensely to look at the ideals and beliefs I was living from as a woman and supported me to bring self nurturing to my life. I have discovered that I am a woman before I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, nurse and all the other roles I have my hand up for.  In my day-to-day life this support has manifested into a way of living that means I take loving care of myself.

In the past, I used to make the needs of my husband and children a priority:

I always used to make sure the children had a water bottle with them on outings but would always forget to take one for myself.

I would prepare a loving lunch for everyone and then realise I hadn’t made enough food for my own lunch.

This behavior changed once I started developing self love and including myself in my life, instead of focussing on being a ‘good wife and mother’.

I now ensure that I make choices that will support me during the day:

  • By taking food and water on outings
  • By being mindful about the quality in which I complete my chores or work
  • And by listening to my body regularly so I know where I am at.

I live now with more true love than before. There are regular moments of stillness, harmony and joy that have brought me true fulfillment, but this way of being is not something I choose consistently.

Reflecting on the Possibility of Living my Life in a Different Way

Mostly I appreciate the benefits of a comfortable life, but I have a genuine feeling that there is more to life than what I am living. The quality of my life could be different – truer and more full. By honoring the loveliness of me in every moment, instead of some of the time, I would be continuously supporting myself to deepen this quality.

In moments when I have chosen this deep honoring in every moment, everyday tasks such as folding clothes are no longer a boring ‘must do’ as…

I am present with each movement, there is fluidity in the way my body moves and I feel at ease and centred

My thoughts are clear and focussed on what I am doing and I am not trying to be perfect in doing the task.  There is just a natural flow as I allow myself to continue choosing to be present as I am folding each item.

I feel very delicate and it feels like this delicateness is being transferred to every item I touch

I am full of joy.

So I know I can live this quality more fully, until comfort comes in, leading to inconsistency and distraction. Comfort calls you to remain the same; it allows for moments of fullness, such as the one described above, but its patterns are entrenched and it provides the illusion that you have  ‘made it somehow,’ that you are happy and settled, so why change how you are living? What I have found though, is that it gets to a point where comfort is stifling. It makes me feel small, bored and less than I naturally am.

There is something loving inside me that wants to expand, but comfort has put a tight lid on it and I have been waiting for the inevitable explosion!

With the grace of my natural reflectiveness I decided it was time to start living differently – to expand those full moments of being present with me and choose them consistently.

Wow… no explosion needed, only a loving reflection and a surrender to my knowing that there is another way.

The Esoteric Women’s Health Program

With this decision made, I have commenced an Esoteric Women’s Health Program.

It is a 12 session program over 3,6 or 12months that can include the esoteric modalities of the EBM, Esoteric arm massage or back massage and Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy.

I have had 5 sessions thus far: 3 esoteric arm massages and 2 EBMs, which have brought a deeper awareness to how I have been living and supported me to bring more tenderness to my day to day activities.

  • I have since then been paying closer attention to how I use my arms, hands and fingers
  •  They feel tight if I decide to push through with a task and do not honor me
  • If I bring in many shopping bags at once, just so I can get it done, my shoulders, forearms and fingers loudly inform me, through pain, hardness or numbness
  • Yes, I am a strong woman, but I have a tender and precious body that wants to be moved with love and respect.

I am grateful I am listening more to what my body is ‘saying’ to me – it is full of wisdom and I am choosing to honor it more deeply each day.

The Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM)

During my 2 EBMs (such an amazing modality), deeper revelations occurred.

When I was on the massage table a song came into my head, “I am Woman” by Helen Reddy, and I felt how wrong the message in this song was for me. I didn’t need to prove myself as a woman, I didn’t need to take on the world! The truth is that there is already everything I am and ever need to be naturally living inside me… that divine preciousness, knowing and absolute strength that naturally pulses within me, and in every woman. I simply needed to give myself permission to be. To surrender and live from that grand, expansive eternal spark of love, and choose it in every moment.

EBM number 2 went even deeper. As I lay on the massage table feeling the exquisite stillness that pulsed through my expansive body, my body revealed the tightness and tension I was holding in some parts. The practitioner and I discussed what might be causing the tension and then the treatment continued with some connective tissue therapy, which supported me to release the tension I was holding.  I could feel this amazing warmth and explosion of love expanding through my chest – it was so very confirming and sacred.

Final Reflections (for now!)

But can you guess what I did? I focussed on the fact that I had not been living this way! I didn’t appreciate this blessing! I had just been supported to re-connect to the love that I am on a deeper level and I focussed on what is not me and went into how to fix it!!!

As I drove home I reflected on the blessing I had received. I didn’t go into self-bashing that I had not appreciated it, but realised it was time for me to live all of me in every moment. No excuses, no more comfort, no more fixing, no more trying: it was time to deeply honor and confirm that I am already all that I need to be and that to live with my full presence is all that is needed.

It’s time to deeply appreciate how far I have come and to realise that there is no plateau to love; true love is forever expanding and impulsing me to deepen the quality of my life.

You may also like from Bianca:

Motherhood & Detachment: an Essential Element to True Love
I am Beautiful
Opening up to People – Letting True Love Flow

226 thoughts on “Self-Reflections and the Esoteric Women’s Health Program

  1. “… it gets to a point where comfort is stifling. It makes me feel small, bored and less than I naturally am.” Thanks for your words about comfort, I’ve felt that boredom, life is better than it has been then it’s like the next page of life needs to be turned but we stay on the same page reading the same words over and over – which are our patterns and way of living. There is always more on offer. It has been a bit like learning to walk again after staying in the one place for so long, as well as learning to appreciate the bounty that we are always being offered to grow and evolve, and to be more of the love we are.

  2. “I have a tender and precious body that wants to be moved with love and respect.” And the more we connect to this natural way of being, the more the love is felt.

  3. Appreciation is key to allowing ourselves to surrender to all that is on offer when we are willing to live from our heart ‘It’s time to deeply appreciate how far I have come and to realise that there is no plateau to love; true love is forever expanding and impulsing me to deepen the quality of my life.’

  4. ‘I am full of joy’ – not many people can say that. I find that joy is innate and not dependant upon having life a certain way. If we drop our conditions about how life should be, perhaps we will find that joy is just something that is natural for us all.

    1. Having conditions on how we think life should be is definitely a joy killer whereas if we let go of any pictures we allow the space for joy to emerge spontaneously.

  5. Yes.. it’s relatively easy to remove the most damaging things that we do to ourselves, but what feels trickier is refining that, by saying ‘no’ to things that don’t feel right, even if they sound good and tick some boxes of what we hold as being a ‘good’, reasonable and acceptable person. But whose standards are we measuring ourselves against? And who set up the boxes in the first place? What I feel is that the deeper we go in our care and regard for ourselves, the more willing we are to be honest about how we’ve been living, what supports us and what doesn’t, and to make choices from there.

  6. Comfort is stifling and keeps us the same rather than forever moving forward, ‘There is something loving inside me that wants to expand, but comfort has put a tight lid on it and I have been waiting for the inevitable explosion!’

  7. Put simply, there is not an ounce of evolution when comfort is chosen and whilst we may feel comfortable when we choose comfort, it always comes with its usual dose of stagnation, indulgence and relentless underlying unsettled ness within ourselves.

  8. What a lovely realisation you came to, that it was important for you to live all of you in every moment, ‘ it was time to deeply honor and confirm that I am already all that I need to be and that to live with my full presence is all that is needed.’

  9. This is a great question to ponder on, and from my experience in this life I would say no comfort is not truly fulfilling , ‘is comfort truly fulfilling? Is there a deeper version of me waiting to be lived?’

  10. “It’s time to deeply appreciate how far I have come and to realise that there is no plateau to love; true love is forever expanding and impulsing me to deepen the quality of my life.”
    And here in lies the key to true evolution.

  11. “Is there a deeper version of me waiting to be lived?” What a great question to ask ourselves regularly, in fact every day, as from the time we wake up in the morning we have so many fresh opportunities to get to know ourselves a little bit more, a little bit deeper. Life is for living to its fullest, but to do so we cannot stay stuck in the way we have always lived and in the patterns that we have allowed to run us. It can be uncomfortable to peel back the layers but the fact it is uncomfortable simply indicates that it is absolutely worth it.

  12. What we focus on expands. So focusing on what we have yet to do and giving ourselves a hard time doesn’t support us. Appreciating how far we have come enables a growth not available with judgement.

  13. I had a treatment the other day and then came back and looked at all the parts of myself that I didn’t think ‘were there yet’. It was a total judgement of myself and a real killjoy. If we don’t bring the appreciation we do not give space for our true expression to come out.

  14. “It’s time to deeply appreciate how far I have come and to realise that there is no plateau to love” this is so true, I know myself I can have cut of points to my own appreciation yet in truth the deeper our self appreciation the more we bring in evolution.

  15. ” Is there a deeper version of me waiting to be lived? ” the answer I would say is yes and this applies to everybody. For evolution is the expansion of who and where we are truly from so there will alway be a deeper version of the truth of oneself to be lived.

  16. Choosing to discard the blanket of comfort and be impulsed by love in every movement is life transforming and to be deeply appreciated. Thank you for sharing your experience Bianca.

  17. Great pickup in your final reflection Bianca, when you realised that celebrating a lessons learned is much more in keeping with living ‘the future you’ that self bashing from reliving in the past!

  18. When we pull back the blanket of comfort we think we have covered ourselves in we can feel that there is so much more to us calling for us to be.

  19. Thank you Bianca for a great sharing, on comfort and not staying in the comfort for there is so much more love that we can go deeper with, I am soon to have a healing session and look forward to releasing and understanding what the hardness is I am at present feeling across my chest.

  20. “I have been shedding the layers of hurt and protection that I have used to keep me from knowing how lovely I naturally am.” I also know this process and have been assisted greatly by Esoteric Women’s Health to do this, especially with the modality of the Esoteric Breast Massage. This modality has supported me to let go of everything I’ve taken on so I can live the simplicity of me again, the true essence of myself as a woman. This has resulted in increased vitality because the ideals and beliefs I had taken on of what a woman is and must do created an incredible push and stress in my life, as did measuring myself to ideals which meant I was never good enough, always doing more or trying to be more. To simply be myself has meant a sense of joy and contentment, and an appreciation of the true qualities I have and bring to my day and my relationships. It’s truly living from the inside out, not the outside in.

  21. I love your idea of using reflection to observe situations and see if there is change needed – without judgement.

  22. As we develop that quality of deep honouring of ourselves in each movement and moment, the roles we take on become so much less important and less a point of identification or individualism.

  23. Life is comfortable, in fact very comfortable, but for the thing I have been pondering lately…. is comfort truly fulfilling? Is there a deeper version of me waiting to be lived? I loved these questions, it really made me realise how comfortable we feel when we are looking after everyone else’s needs, yet not taking responsibility for looking after ourselves, which actually is key to looking after others, because how can we truly look after another, if we don’t first deeply look after ourselves.

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