by Judith McIntyre, Myocum, NSW, Australia
I heard about Esoteric Breast Massage after having breast cancer and consequently a mastectomy. Another woman who also had a mastectomy recommended it to me. She said the side of her chest that had surgery particularly responded to the tenderness that she experienced in the session. I was very curious.
The medical treatment that I had included three surgeries, the third being the mastectomy, followed by chemotherapy and radiotherapy and also hormone treatment. The surgery and radiotherapy to my chest left both visible changes and many invisible memories. None of these life saving treatments could have remotely been described as tender. Now there was no breast on the left side, only a scarred flat chest with almost all flesh below the skin pared to the bone. I could slip my fingers into the depressions between my ribs and feel my heart beating like a captured bird.
After my mastectomy I had been encouraged to massage my scar with cream to assist healing. I initially used the pharmacy product provided by the hospital. Later, with the approval from a nurse at the hospital I changed to esoteric breast massage cream, just as an experiment. Immediately I preferred it. It was fragrant and had a delicate texture. It seemed like a little pot of love and I applied it daily with gratitude for the surgical removal of the cancer and the opportunity to live life differently.
I was well aware that my flat chest could be a painful reminder of…
- the cutting and burning
- the fear and loss
- the feeling less womanly
- the feeling deformed
- a reason for reconstruction which would mean more surgery
- the possibility of recurrence
One woman called it a hideous experience and she meant it to show understanding of what I had been through.
So I chose very deliberately to give myself an experience of love and tenderness every day as I spread the exquisite cream over my left chest wall. I also smoothed the cream over my beautiful whole right breast with an appreciation for its survival, for its continued presence in my life.
This has become a continuing daily practise in which I feel I am honouring what I have lost and what I have gained. What I have gained is a different relationship to my body as I connect with it each day in this ritual – and also a different and surprisingly light-hearted relationship to other bodies.
For some time after my surgery I gazed at other women’s cleavage with delight and amazement. They still had two breasts, how wonderful! How wonderful, how delightful breasts are. And when I was hugged by women with larger breasts I really enjoyed the pillowy comfort. I always loved my breasts but it was a casual affection compared to the deep appreciation I now have for my chest and breast, and by extension to all the varied breasts of all the women in the world. I am so glad to be alive in a world where breasts not only exist, but abound.
I feel it is because I had a profound sense of support from Serge Benhayon’s teachings and Universal Medicine practices of counselling and Esoteric Chakra-puncture that I could feel such acceptance of what I could have experienced as devastation.
And then my acceptance went to another level and I felt tender love for my body and a joyful and playful appreciation of other women’s bodies. This is a miracle. I am yet to have an Esoteric Breast Massage, but I have a strong feeling it will support me to deepen the tenderness I have begun to re-connect to.